Sunday, July 16, 2006
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Why Do Rockers Wear Such Tight Pants?
I'm watching over and over again my DVDs of Journey and Air Supply and I feel uncomfortable about the tightness of these guys' pants. What's up with that? Surely it's not healthy. Maybe that's why these blokes look so haggard today.
I can't ask my friends about this because they'd say I'm a fag.
Daniel Metcalf writes:
Luke, references to Journey are possibly acceptable (providing you're talking about their earlier, heavier, quasi-progressive work) but worshipping at the altar of Air Supply is can seem downright unbecoming. I respect your desire to throw Australian acts some coverage, but by all means, please turn your attention to AC/DC, the greatest Aussie rock band aside from the Easybeats back in the Sixties.
Also, if you listen to their Bon Scott-era CDs, you'll have the added pleasure of hearing some of the more amusing double entendres in the history of rock. Discerning what the lyrics of "What's Next To The Moon?" are REALLY about will make you a better writer.
There's nothing nerdy about classical music. I'm a Berklee College of Music trained cellist. Like many classically trained musicians who grew up on rock, I love speed metal because the complexity and seriousness of intent, in an abstract sense, reflects classical structure. This is how all-cello groups like Apocalyptica are able to do entire sets of Metallica compositions.
Amalek's Powers Of Prophecy
My sense of things is that the L-ke F-rd/Porn era is coming to an end. You are slowly disappearing from view.
It is not often possible to predict what happens next, but in this case certain things will happen.
Your porn income will slowly vanish below the level you need to exist at even the L-ke F-rd subsistence level which, in any case, has always been far below what is needed to marry - let alone have kids.
You lose health insurance. You lose money to buy food and with which to pay rent. Your appearance becomes bum-like. You shower less. You find yourself searching for food in trash bins. You are homeless.
Unless you do something to earn a living. Writing books solely on obscure topics that nobody much wants to read about won't work for you. After all, you are no Humphry Knipe.
That woman of yours needs to kick some ambition into you, and soon.
James DiGiorgio writes: "The learned, esteemed, and possibly prophetic Chaim Amalek neglected to mention another imaginable prediction; one that might, at the very least, slightly stroke your insatiable ego: "You may be featured in a future edition of "What Ever Happened To...?""
Crescent Scams Linked To Child Porn?
Joe writes:
I am trying to find links between the Crescent scams and any of these: Landslide, the Texas AVS which went down for kiddie porn distribution. www.realAVS.com, a London Ontario AVS (still in business) www.cybernetventures.com, a Panorama, CA AVS (still in business).
In 1999, a credit card belonging to a British family was hit with charges from all of these. As far as I can tell, none of the charges were initiated by anyone in the family. We know that on some of the dates in questions, it would have been impossible because we know exactly where they were and what they were doing and they did not have any computer access on those days.
SEC documents disclose lawsuits over chargeback difficulties in 1999 involving Cybernet Ventures, DatabBank International, eSolutions and the Bank of Nevis in the BVI. These appear to suggest that there was credit card fraud alleged, but not proven.
Unfortunately, the British poilice think that having your credit card number in the Landslide database is enough to make an arrest.
I am seeking evidence to defend decent people from a miscarrage of justice.
I've been interviewed over 100 times and I always give a better interview to an attractive woman (though I've never had sex or even kissed anyone who's interviewed me). I want to be swept away by an interview, to forget myself, to get excited and be charmed and enthralled by my interviewer. I want her to see things in me that I don't see in myself.
I hang my head with shame when I reflect that there have been several women I've interviewed who I've ended up seducing (though never on the spot). I know this is a violation of my Jewish and professional ethics, but it's a lot of fun, and frankly without some sexual tension, it's hard to get a great interview.
On the other hand, I've never seduced a woman without (informally) interviewing her.
Oh, the shame! The obloquy! What would Mike Ramone do? I bet he's never boned anyone he's interviewed. I must do better.
I fear I have taken the journalistic commandment to massage a source too literally.
Anything new from Michelle the sex addict?
It's been too hot and I've too lazy to call her.
I'm interested in her story for two reasons: The first is that I watched a special on Discovery Health the other night about sexual addiction and it is just fascinating. One of the things discussed on the program was how we went from being totally sexually repressed to having an overabundance of sex in our Western culture. The other thing was how those who have not been diagnosed seem to not be able to think about how their behavior affects others. With drug addiction and alcoholism, its a bit more obvious. One girlfriend was completely oblivious to how much pain she was putting her boyfriend through demanding sex three times a day, every day, even though he was a hockey player and was tired all of the time. Others were aware of their problem and still could not stop. The number that got thrown out early on was 22 million Americans with sexual addiction. You have to wonder how many of them are working in the adult industry.
The second reason is because she is the "ex-wife" of Bisexual Britni. Britni was kind of the first porn star I really followed with interest. She had her own Web site before they were really ubiquitous, and she managed to ride that to a starlet of the year award. She was definitely more interesting than your run of the mill porn star, too. She wrote a lot of diatribes on safe sex and STDs and that cum vs. piss argument that is still up at XPT. How could you not want to watch her get sodomized by Max Hardcore? I've been nostalgic for my youth and this reminds me of a time when I was naive about the real lives of porn stars.
PS: Have you seen all the Internet hype about Sasha Grey? I'm getting all kinds of traffic from my interview with her, which makes me wish I had done a much better job an was a real journalist. At this rate, she will be bigger than Jenna and I'll get to have that second interview.
Mike Ramone Vs. God
The AVN Editor writes:
Recently, Greg Zeboray made the ignorant, illogical statement: "You know why Mark Kernes, Mike Ramone, talk about religion all the time? Because deep inside they believe there is a God and they're scared to death."
Not only is Greg factually incorrect (I’ve never met or even spoken to the man), but as any Psych 101 student could tell you, Greg’s statement perfectly reflects his OWN attitudes, not mine and Kernes’. HE’s the one who’s scared to death of not believing in God (as are so many believers, since Christianity and other organized religions are fear-based: believe or you’ll go to hell for eternity). After all, Kernes and I are on the record as not being believers. If we were as scared as Greg apparently is, isn’t it logical that we’d be believers too? Of course. But then again, logic and reason are incompatible with “belief.” Which leads me to a passage in a book I’m reading, “Losing Faith in Faith: From Preacher to Atheist,” by Dan Barker, who left fundamentalist Christianity to become a prominent member of The Freedom from Religion Foundation (www.ffrf.org). The passage is the polar opposite of Zeboray’s statement in both content and truthfulness:
“In their most inner thoughts, even the most devout Christians know that there is something illegitimate about belief. Underneath their profession of faith is a sleeping giant of doubt. Preachers constantly admonish believers to keep their faith strong, which betrays an underlying insecurity. Heavy-handed sermons might cause followers to bury normal habits of critical thinking and feelings of uncertainty beneath a mountain of faith, tradition, and fear, but humans in a natural universe can’t help doubting supernatural claims. … Don’t ask Christians if they think prayer is effective. They will think up some kind of answer that makes sense to them only. Tell them: ‘You know that prayer doesn’t work. You know you are fooling yourself with magical conceit.’ No matter how they reply, they will know in their heart of hearts that you are right. …When Christians see atheists and agnostics who are happy, fulfilled, compassionate, and moral, they can’t help wondering if their religion is indispensable.”
Again, my larger point is that it is ludicrous to base social policies, be they banning gay marriages or trying to outlaw the adult industry, on faith-based belief systems like Christianity, which cannot be empirically proven. Faith, after all, is the belief in something not supported by evidence. If that something could be proven, it would be accepted as fact, thereby doing away with the necessity of faith.
Nasty Whores
Holly Randall writes on XPT: "I wish I could start a book on hideous porn girls that agents email to me. Sometimes I have to break down into hysterical peals of laughter over some of the incredibly ugly girls and guys I get sent to my mailbox. If anything, it makes me feel better about myself. And we all know how wrong that is."
Gia Jordan writes: "I have voice mails saved. The best one goes like, "Well, let's see...I'm 5'4" and 180lbs. Not too big, not too small, but just right...I just wanna do g/g right now..." all while a baby is heard crying in the background."
Eromaxx.com Czech Scandal?
Jack writes: "Have you heard about or written anything about the legal scandal going on in Prague having to do with the producers of the eromaxx.com websites?"
Can somebody translate that article?
Ganja Goddess Party Wednesday Night
Jamie Lynn, Melissa Jacobs Melissa, Jamie, Penthouse CEO Marc Bell and Krista Ayne Jamie Lynn
Lainie Speiser says: "Melissa Jacobs the October ’05 Pet of the month and one of Jamie’s Pet “wives.” I flew her in from Wisconsin because she’s a stoner. Jamie has several Pet wives, Martina Warren, Cassia Riley, Melissa Jacobs and Charlie Laine. Though she told me yesterday she’s thinking of divorcing Cassia because she’s not attentive enough."
Beware of fraudulent company!
Randy Spears and his wife Demi Delia write:
On June 11th Niko St James (so called owner) a.k.a Brandon Foxx, a.ka. Chris Mason of Sticky Bunz Productions LLC approached and entered into a non exclusive deal with Demi Delia (wife of Adult Film Star Randy Spears).
The contract was to include Demi and Sticky Bunz Productions LLC in a 24 movie deal for one year exclusive contract, his distrubuter is Old Pueblo Distribution owner of that company is Arnold. Apparently Old Pueblo has lawsuits against them for non payment to several production companies. He announced to AVN that the contract would start July 1st and that Demi would then be exclusive with his company. Demi and Randy did some extensive research in looking into this company during the past few weeks.
They found that Sticky Bunz Productions LLC is not a registered company in any state. Since June 11th there has been many things that have occurred with Niko St James and the "so called" contract. Niko had Demi set up a photoshoot for promotional pictures for his company in early June, he did not pay the photographer (Red Ezra) or the make up artist. Demi and Randy are now responsible to take care of paying them.
Randy: "I've heard everything from this guy from my father passed away, my sister's getting married, the checks in the mail (2 weeks now), my attorney is revising the contract, my investor is in the mob and owns a construction company to... Hey Randy can you use me in some of your movies"...
"Is he talent or does he make movies?"
It has been a month full of unreturned phone calls, lots of excuses and empty promises.
Demi: The thing that bothers me is that he went to AVN and did a press release on how I will be exclusive with his company as of July 1st. So my phone stopped ringing on July 1st. What I am most worried about is that Randy and I represent this business and we try to protect girls from predators like this, he has used our names and Randy's fame to:
A) Get laid?
B) Try to further his carreer as talent and
C)Get laid!This guy is a true predator. Our message here is for all the girls who work hard to get where there at....stay away from him. Randy Spears and Demi Delia are not in any way shape or form connected with Niko St James or his fictional company Sticky Bunz Productions LLC. Demi Delia is available for work and is not exclusive with any company. To book Demi contact www.exoticstarmodels.com .
I received this letter Mike and Fran's XXX Productions:
Hello, I wanted to respond to your email as soon as possible, as I have extensive problems with Niko St James as well. I have a lot of his personal information, as far as his real legal name goes, and things of that nature. So if you or your attorney need any information, please feel free to contact me and I will supply you with any information that I have on him.
About a year and a half ago, Niko and his then wife Desiree Foxx, performed in one of our DVD's. At that point they tried to hustle us out of our content, claiming that they had secured a distribution company that would distribute the DVD. Niko tried to attempt to take my model release forms and raw mini dv tapes and send them to his so called distributor. This guy was Arnold from Old Pueblo distribution in Arizona. I confronted him on his attempt and his excuse was that Arnold wanted to edit the footage himself. When I told him that there was no way I was going to allow anybody to take my model release forms, I'D's, and raw footage to anybody, that's when he started making up excuses, similar to the ones that you said in your email. It was nothing more than an attempt from him, to steal my footage and I then found out that he had a deal worked out with Arnold where they would split the money from the distribution, being he would have all model release forms, ids, and raw footage.
I confronted Arnold about it, and he offered no explanation or answers. I then did some digging around on this Arnold guy, and found out he...owes a lot of production companies money, from distributing their footage and never paying them. As far as Niko goes, after that incident, I tried to meet up with him, he again started with every excuse in the book, he told me that his grandmother passed away and that he was in upstate New York taking care of the arrangements. I asked him to please send me the name of the funeral home so I could send flowers on our behalf to his family, because I knew he was full of it and he was lying. And sure enough, he refused to give me his grandmothers name, or any funeral information. He is nothing but a fraud, a wanna be hustler. He is also half illiterate, he cant spell, and is not that smart. He thinks he is some kind of street hustler, however he is nothing but a wanna be porn star, and he's a horrible performer as well.
He begged, and I mean literally begged me to use him in one of my scenes, this is before I really knew him and knew what he was all about. And before we shot the scene, all he did was brag about how he has been in the business for 10 years and how awesome he is. He was so bad, that I had to scrap the scene. I would also watch out for his ex wife, who goes by the name of Desiree Foxx. I do not know if she was in on the whole thing he pulled with us, but at the time they were indeed married, so she had to know something about it.
Oh and another thing is, at the time we did have a private investor that was working with us at the time. He owned his own construction company, and he was nice enough to take the cast and crew out to dinner a few times after filming. That when Niko approached him and attempted to ask him to back him in a project, and leave us out of everything. Of course our investor told us about it after the dinner, and we basically laughed at Niko. So when he is talking about an investor that owns a construction company, I would not be surprised if he is still trying to throw around our guys name. In closing, Niko has no money, has no company, he lived off of his ex wife's career and dancing gigs. He is dumb, has no common sense, knows nothing about business, and is quickly running out of people to hide behind.
I would be happy to supply you with his photo I'd and any other information that I still have laying around regarding him. I do not want to see him try to pull this on any more girls, or anybody else in the business for that matter. He tried to do it to us, he failed, now he is trying to do it to other industry people as well. So if I can offer any assistance, please feel free to let me know.
Best of luck to you, and I hope that you are able to resolve your situation regarding him soon.
All the best, Fran and Mike World X Productions
I have recieved many letters from female talent that were scammed as well by this guy. We have filed a complaint with the better business bureau. The BBB that will handle your complaint is: BBB of the Southland (Colton, CA) 315 N. La Cadena Colton, CA 92324-2927 Phone: (909)825-7280 Fax: (909)825-6246 Email: info@labbb.org Web: http://www.labbb.org
You may wish to copy or print this information for further reference. All correspondence about your complaint will come from and should be addressed to this BBB.
Thank you, Randy Spears and Demi Delia www.demidelia.com
Arnold Stein responds:
Luke, I have never signed any deal with Niko St James or whatever name he is going by now....he has contacted me but I have never wanted to do business with this man, he just calls and that is about it..it is all talk so far, I have never believed once that I would do business with this man..... Niko called me and asked about distribution, I never saw footage or had any deal signed or even written for this man. All that has gone down between us is phone calls from him to me, I have never called the man, asking me for distribution, My response to him, is the same as my response to anyone who calls me like this "send me a screener, we will talk after that" also...I have never been sued by any production company for any money owed, you might want to see one of those suits before you write about it. I would like to see one of these suits...
I have never spoken to randy spears...so when did he contact me about this...why lie? This is insane.
Randy Spears responds:
In response to Old Pueblo's response. I never said I contacted the guy. I have never spoken to him. I was talking about Niko St. James. All the info we got about Old Pueblo was from Niko St. James. Niko was even advertising his distributer on his my space and xpeeps pages. The person that said they had contacted Old Pueblo was Mike and Fran from XXX Productions a year and half ago. Mr.Stein should reread what you posted before he calls someone a LIAR!
Vanilla Pop: Sweet Sounds from Frankie Avalon to ABBA
Author Joseph Lanza writes on page 200:
...Then, from the manicured environs of Melbourne, Australia, two vocalists named Russell Hitchcock and Graham Russell formed Air Supply. Chart successes like "Lost in Love" and "All Out of Love" survived as MOR hallmarks, but Air Supply's vocal milieu got bogged down in the rustic, Engelbert Humperdinck-inspired reflections of such 1970s predecessors as Morris Albert ("Feelings"). The chorus to "All Out of Love" may have ascended to sweet vanilla, but the main verses were spiked the musical equivalent of bong water.
What does that mean? What's bong water? Which verses are like bong water?
Luke Thompson says:
Bong water is the left-over water from water pipes used to smoke marijuana. The smoke is inhaled through the water to both condense the smoke and filter out some of the crap, for a cleaner high. The water, filled with the nastier charred pollutants, is something you do not want to find yourself drinking by accident, or even spilling.
If bong water is so nasty, how can it be compared to Air Supply lyrics? Which lyrics?
Rob Spallone's Private Predilections
Mary Carey calls. "I should read a book," she says. "You need the Luke Book Club."
I'm reading Reproduction is the Flaw of Love.
Gene Ross (Adultfyi.com) Has The Skinny On Metro
For years, Gene has seemed to know everything going on at that turbulent place. It must drive Kenny Guarino (owner) nuts. Kenny's an obsessive reader of the gossip sites (or was).
Vivid Buying Red Light District?
This rumor was going around distributors last week.
I know RLD was looking for people in their accounting dept. a few weeks ago. They were in desperate need of an Accounts Receivable expert (they were looking for an Accounts Payable expert too but receivables was a priority).
David Joseph, RLD owner, says: "Hmmmm. You heard we were filing bankruptcy, now you heard Vivid is buying us. None of it is true, maybe you should start considering your sources."
Free Speech Coalition Losing Support From Some Of Its Traditional Backers
Many of its longtime supporters are not going to be there, sources say.
The FSC took recent criticism from insurance agent Greg Zeboray.
Lifetime Achievement Awards: Actress: Jill Kelly
Actor: Marcus Spencer (aka Mr. Marcus)
Director: To Be Announced
Gay Actor: Michael Brandon
Gay Director: John Rutherford
The Good Guy Award: Bob Pyne Sr.
The Positive Image Award: To Be Announced
The Advocate Award: Angelina Spencer (ACE)
The Freedom Isn't Free Award: Dave Cummings, New Beginnings, Peekay
Normally the FSC gives out an Industry Founder Award, which last year went to Eddie Wedelstedt and a Hal Freeman “Freedom Isn’t Free” Award, which last year went to Mike Moran of LD Management.
Last year, the Positive Image Award went to Playboy. This year it was offered to Steve Hirsch of Vivid, who turned it down. The person offered the Industry Founder Award also declined.
Sean Michaels, Juli Ashton and Shane previously won the Positive Image Award. Steve didn't want to follow in their footsteps. He's a pioneering businessman but has never received his due recognition from the FSC.
Steven probably would've accepted the Founders Award, even though he's loathe to get awards other than AVN's.
"They're running out of eligible people for many of these categories," says a porner. "Any shmuck is getting an award."
This is what I hear: How do you give the Michael Warner Good Guy award to distributor Bob Pyne (from the East Coast distributor Williams Trading)? What makes him a good guy? Most people don't know him. Some of those who do say he doesn't deserve the award. "He's not even particularly nice. He must've given them some money."
"Because of their in-fighting, their internal politics, their isolationist way of doing things," says a porner, "they've alienated Steve Hirsch and Paul Cambria and company. The FSC has a couple of lawyers who are jealous of Paul Cambria.
I'm told that the ad book for Saturday's dinner is thinner than ever. That some porners only got hit up for ads over the past couple of weeks. That attendance will be down.
"Michelle Freridge is a nice lady," says a porner, "but there's a disconnect between the FSC and the industry. The FSC is becoming a smaller, closer-knit group of marginal players. The real players just aren't involved with the FSC anymore."
FSC membership is at an all-time high due to concern over 2257 regulations. "They'd be all but defunct but for 2257," says a porner. "Support for the FSC among its traditional backers is at an all-time low."
Adult Video News, however, remains solidly behind the Free Speech Coalition.
FSC attorney Reed Lee and Paul Cambria can't stand each other.
I asked Paul about this. He replied: "Reed who?"
Reed won't take Cambria's advice and Paul has distanced himself from the FSC.
"Because Reed is on the inside at the FSC," says a source, "he's pushed the organization to take positions and to do things that just aggravate Cambria. A lot of the Cambria-bashing that occurred after Cambria's testimony to a U.S. Senate was inspired by Reed."
I emailed Paul Jan. 20, 2006 about his testimony of the day before:
It went very well for several reasons. First this is the first time we have even been acknowledged as an industry. Secondly like the general video side they only self-rated when congress started to express concerns. Self rating is good for the industry because children are not the business object of the companies and thus to assist in filtering at the destination computer is a good thing to do. It shows a sense of responsibility on the part of the industry. It also allows the industry to show that it is serious about wanting to protect children.
As far as .xxx I am not convinced it will happen since the right wing groups are opposed to it and it does not solve any problems since foreign countries will not be effected and the alleged problem will not be solved if the foreign countries are free to do what they want. Besides the ring wing groups feel that .xxx will tend to legitimize the industry and I agree that it will. I am working with major producers already to create a rating system.
Paul Cambria says that the FSC's constant battles against anti-child-porn measures (such as the FSC's opposition to the federal law against making up digital images of child porn) makes the FSC look like it is pro-child-porn (which it is not). Cambria says it would be better public relations for the FSC to say "it is fine with this restriction."
In their avidity to protect everything, the FSC makes the industry look bad, says Cambria.
Paul Cambria turned down the Rob Black case. Link Link
Rob asked Paul to take the case. Paul refused. His clients such as Vivid, Wicked, and LFP would not have wanted Paul to defend Rob Black. His clients view themselves as the good guys of porn, producers who don't make degrading demeaning extreme porn.
Paul referred Black to attorney Lou Sirkin, who initially won a major victory for Rob Black and for porn. Link
Sirkin's victory must've ate away at Cambria, who's been porn's top lawyer for over two decades.
For a while, Vivid and company wanted to put out the word that pornographers were not all cut of the same cloth. That there were good guys (who make fluffy mainstream porn) and bad guys (who make extreme porn such as Donkey Punch).
Cambria was ok with that philosophy. While Paul opposes all government censorship of sexual expression between adults, he does not necessarily want to defend in court every form of sexual expression such as extreme porn.
Why did Paul Fishbein and Adult Video News accept Rob Black into the fold?
Rob Black humbled himself. He apologized for attacking Paul and AVN and other industry powers. He said he was on medication. He said his previous bad behavior was caused by his immaturity and lack of medication.
Paul and other industry leaders, even though they did not like Rob Black's product, agreed that there was a collective need to defend free expression, including extreme porn. Porners saw this case could be a way to negate all obscenity prosecutions. If Rob Black can get a pass, then all pornographers will get a pass.
It's similar to Reuben Sturman and Dennis Priebe (the step-father of Bo Kenney of LGI Distributors and SexZ Pictures). Reuben hated Dennis.
Dennis took the first RICO-forfeiture bust circa 1980. It was the first attempt by the government to use obscenity as a predicate offense for RICO forfeiture.
Sturman called around and said, "I can't stand Dennis Priebe. If anyone needs to go to jail, I'm happy to see it be him. But, we all contribute to his defense and we have to fight this case because it is not about defending Dennis Priebe, it's about defending the industry."
There's the dilemma for the Steve Hirsches of the world. Steve views the producers of extreme porn as putting all pornographers at risk. The extremers make it easier for the anti-porn activists to say, "See? It is all degradation and violence against women."
The other side of the argument is: If the heat comes, should we not step up to the plate and defend the rights of extreme pornographers? Or should extreme pornographers be marginalized and left to swing from a bridge as a sacrifical lamb?
What Happened To JM Productions?
I noticed that AdultDVDMarketplace has removed JM Productions DVDs from their website. They removed all of JM Productions DVDs, not just the ones that push the "conventional wisdom" boundaries of obscene/not-obscene. For example, DVDs like Frank Wank POV are not likely to stir up legal concerns. It may not be practical for AdultDVDMarketplace to determine on a case-by-case basis what JM Productions DVDs are most likely to cause trouble.
Axl writes:
I asked X-Rent and here is what they told me: "Due to questionable content and legal trouble we have suspended our sourcing of JM titles until further notice."
Leaving Porn
It's not an easy transition. My girlfriend did it and it was hard. Especially if she is thinking about moving home. Once you have performed everyone who knows you will think you are fair game sexually. People will make derogatory comments. Some wont even be seen with you. The money is a factor. Its hard for some performers to go from $100,000 a year to $25,000 a year. The sex isnt that big of a deal since most of the female performers I know dont get into the on-screen sex anyway. Counseling is excellent advice. Financial counseling is also suggested if she bothered to save some of her earnings. Go back to school is also great advice. Lastly, depending on how well known she is, change her look so people wont recognize her.
Derek writes:
I can only repeat what I've been told by many female porn performers at dance clubs: the sex on screen is strictly "work" and almost never "satisfying."
In fact, a common side-effect of doing porn (I've been told) is the decrease in off-screen sexual desire for many girls. Sex becomes (and remember we're talking very young--and not emotionally mature--girls) something they do "at work" not at home. And this probably doesn't help a personal relationship that is already strained because she's getting banged regularily by other guys at work.
Steve Holmes writes: "Some girls combine a regular job with part time shooting. Dora Venter for instance works as a nurse in a hospital. In Germany I know one girl who works for Deutsche Bank and one who works for Daimler Chrysler, but I forgot their stage names."
The Death of the DVD
Tommy writes:
Missing: DVD consumer
The slowdown is a sign of things to come. For years the industry was able to cruise with very little real work. Do we think people are watching less porn? Are the numbers down for some weird unexplained reason? The answer is no, people are watching in record numbers, they simply are not watching DVDs.
The deal is we are watching the video biz lose footing to online. Anyone can go and shoot a video now and put it up online and charge for it. The business is disrtibution and it always will be. Today that means how many stores you can get product in and how much product they will take. Tomorrow that will mean what kind of traffic are you pulling.
If people are choosing to watch adult online you have lost that DVD customer forever. With each year that passes, we see another year where a DVD buying consumer has been converted to an online consumer, over time the numbers will reflect this shift.
The video companies that are looking to electronic distribution will preserve the postion they hold if not move up the food chain. The global competiton has also had an impact on sales. Like the VHS days, we blew the price points down so low, that so much product was needed monthly to be produced in order to maintain sales averages, that the margins went to noithing and the work load was tripled.
A few groups look to be poised to make the run for the domination of digital distribution. If you think only a few people run the biz now, wait until DVD is obsolete.
A pornographer writes:
Business is flat across the board. Everyone is complaining. The overall business isn't shrinking but the little pieces of pie are getting smaller. The supply has outrun the demand so distributors are passing on more titles. On the retail side, people are saying DVD sales are down 10-15% in traditional stores so it's a flattening of the market and summer is slower. It's cyclical BUT you may see some poeple sell, merge or go out of business.
These pictures make me feel uncomfortable and I don't like that.
Jeremy Steele writes: "That's because you're a perverted religious freak unable to cope with yourself!"
The last time I was this upset was when Italy beat Australia 1-0.
Now you know how Wankus, Tim Case, Skeeter and a host of other suitcase pimps feel.
These pics are tastefully done and show Holly in a good light. There's nothing in there to be ashamed of, unless you feel these are a gateway drug for repressed exhibitionism, with triple anal to follow.
James DiGiorgio writes:
Lukey -- What's upsetting you more? That Holly is posing (inferred) nude or that the images really aren't that good? If they were any more over-exposed or soft-focused, if there were more guassian blur and/or diffusion glow added, most people wouldn't recognize your girl from many others.
Jon Papernick's The Ascent of Eli Israel Makes Me Want To Vomit.
JCsgirls.com - Hot MILFs
HeatherVeitch:
hey luke we are getting traffic to our website for the weirdest reason
HeatherVeitch: we are high on google for milf and girls
HeatherVeitch: last time I checked we are 38 out of 16 mil for milf
She leaves me a message at 3 p.m. July 11: "I'm calling to report to you that a girl visited my set abused from a former set. I'm on a wonderful set by the name of Cash Markman."
Mary calls me back an hour later.
Luke: "You said a girl got abused."
Mary, sounding spaced out: "I don't remember. I must've overheard it and forgotten already."
Luke: "Are you drunk or high?"
Mary: "Nooo.
"I have wonderful news -- I don't have chlamydia, gonorrhea or HIV. I just got my pap smear back. It's 100% clean. I was nervous because I did have abnormal cells for two pap smears, but I'm fine.
"Dale [Cash Markman's producer], say hi to Luke. He's my best friend."
Dale: "No."
Mary: "Don't be scared."
Dale says hi.
Mary: "Everyone's scared of Luke.
"I'm exhausted. I just did a scene with Steven St. Croix. Sex on camera is a whole new feeling.
"People don't like you because they think that you lie."
Mary yells out: "Don't be afraid of Luke. He's one of my good friends."
"I just got my MySpace up. I'm addicted. I started finding my old friends from highschool. Did you see my hobbies? Getting drunk, watching basketball and dancing. I don't sound educated, do I?
"This is my fifth porno set of the year. It's always weird being on a porno set. I always feel out of place. I feel like I a voyeur. I feel like I'm not really part of it, yet I'm here.
"I'm working with Tyler Faith next. I'm going to have to apologize to her for Harold's behavior at the party.
"Tawny [Roberts] called me last night. She said, 'I want to get rid of the baby. I find out the sex tomorrow. Should I get rid of it?'
"She's at the four-month point. I said, 'You can't get rid of the baby.'
"She should keep it, even if it does come out handicapped.
"I don't know how to give advice to that."
Mary puts me on the line with Tyler Faith.
Luke: "I'm sorry I can't be there with my camera to capture you."
Tyler: "I enjoy your picture-taking immensely."
I tell Mary: "I'm going to go. I'm tired."
Mary: "You're not tired. You're just bored. Tawny being pregnant, that's the only drama I've got."
AVN President Paul Fishbein For The Temptation Awards Hall of Fame?
I email Paul: "I heard they wanted to induct you and you turned it down."
He replies:
I told them that if this was really an awards show for the Canadian market, that I would be happy to participate. But really, who are they? Nobody even knows what their business is. They seem like nice people but they lifted our business plan and are having the awards in here in LA, instead of Toronto or Vancouver. LOL. I mean, they even stole some of our categories. Then I saw their nominations and that did it for me. They even have more nominees than us. PLUS, they mixed up films and videos and have shot-on-video stuff in their film categories. Nobody knows who's voting or what their process is and the web site says nothing.
Award tickets are selling on EBay for $125. "Mingle with stars Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick, Jesse Jane."
Heidi Joy Pike Saves Entire City, Possibly World
I was emailed this. I don't know the source.
Los Angeles CA - In what was to most a sunny and routine Tuesday in July, could have been one of our darkest hours, and a day that might have impacted the history of mankind like no other, had it not been for the heroics and call to action of adult industry Icon Heidi Joy Pike.
Like a German Shepherd tuning into the distant steps of a mail carrier, HJP as she is know by lesser know adult industry leaders, intercepted and disposed of a rogue inbound ICBM launched covertly by the mad yet strangely entertaining North Korean Communist dictator Kim Jong Ill.
"We were all just standing out front discussing HJP's finer points with community leaders when she shot straight up in the air like the fat girl in the tube in Willy Wonka," said one eyewitness who would clarify that her analogy was in reference to the original film and no the "creepy new one."
When asked about the selfless deed, the humble Joy Pike responded: "It needed to done. I am not the type to put on a cape and a costume and draw attention to myself in order save lives and provide humanity with a better place to inhabit, I just do it because I can."
HJP, a former employee of Adult Video News and single handedly responsible for the success of the entire adult industry, has recently chosen a new company that she will surely propel to the likes of Google or Microsoft.
Had the warhead impacted, the Southern California coast would have been left in ruin. Millions of Californians, and hundreds of millions worldwide can thank the super-human efforts of one of the adult industy's most repected and legendary leaders for saving the lives of millions of loved ones and preventing the world from spiraling into World War III.
A plaque ceremony will be held at the El Sugundo Elks Lodge on Saturday between 1:15 and 1:30 to honor Joy Pike featuring keynote speaker and teen idol Corey Feldman.
As a token of his apprciation the Governor had a $10.00 booklet of gift certificates to Carvels delivered in Joy Pike's name.
Heidi Joy Pike Haters Out In Force
This dumb broad actually has the nerve to call herself an icon in her own press release. If you read the AVN press release they obviously didn't agree with her icon status so they changed it from industry "icon" to industry "veteran".
Legendary Icon Director/cameraman/alcoholic Mike Quasar responds to legendary Icon Heidi Pike Joy's press release.
The following people are legendary: Abraham Lincoln, John Wayne.
The following people are not legendary: anyone in porn.
I believe we should use this moment not to bash Heidi but to reflect on what constitutes greatness and how we can reach for that elusive quality in our daily lives.
Mike Ramone posts on ADT:
Well, yeah, OK, re Honest Abe, but why is a Hollywood actor considered legendary, but not a porn actor? Especially a Hollywood actor who made "The Green Berets"?
I am NOT an icon, nor is anyone else at AVN, with the possible exception of Paul (who nonetheless would be mortified at anyone labeling him such). Hell, I'm not even legendary...
Because there's nothing honorable about making your living from your penis?
In December of 1998, I signed with a new company called FANtastic out of Toronto, Canada. It wanted to bridge the mainstream and Adult worlds, be a Maxim meets Playboy operation.
The editorial director was Craig Vasiloff and the financial director was Steve Koskins. The plan was to go public.
In March of 2000, the stock market crashed and Craig saw that FANtastic was out of money. He was out of patience with Steve who was out of patience with him. Vasiloff left the company amidst acrimony and accusations of theft.
No charges were filed.
(Vasiloff took his vision to Richard Botto and they created Razor magazine, which lasted about four years.)
I remained with FANtastic by my paychecks stopped arriving regularly. At first the payments were late. Then, in the summer of 2000, they stopped all together.
Koskins revised his business plans and launched XXXIsland. Now his company is seeking investors before going public on Nasdaq or on the Dutch marketplace.
Surviving Porn's Neo-Salad Days
Hank Rose writes:
Luke:
Porn needs new age solutions to adapt to the depression. It saddens me to see the suffering going on. You used to be the main man for fun gossip. But now doom and gloom has set in.
Margold and I were right in professing porno's death knell years ago just after the dot com bust, which was an ill omen. Oh, how I wish we were wrong. But you could see the shit hitting the fan.
I get by on adult business consultations where I caution naive adult newcomers to stay away. I save them money. When I'm not doing that, I'm lucky to have a good wife who takes care of me.
My partner in the animation sitcom is away in the Holy Land. He doesn't realize DVDs here are selling for 50 cents wholesale. So I asked him to try to pitch the show overseas in the old country.
Maybe in Europe where anything goes, they can stomach porn cartoons. Here reality shows dominate and media suits aren't ready for a pop culturally hip porn version of The Simpsons.
The economic turmoil brought on by the wasteful freebie Internet generation is steadily destroying this industry. Powers that be should have realized that long ago and agreed to the .XXX suffix.
New business standards and practices were necessary to insure that the genre not be undone by freebie content on the net. To give away our livelihood for free was and is economic suicide.
Since I don't see anybody coming up with some viable creative solutions, I think I'll throw in my two cents. Porn should go underground and feature live sex shows in order to survive.
It may sound like a sexual speakeasy answer to the witch hunt prohibition. But packaged the right way, it could lead to a new revolutionary acceptance. Indeed, free speech is still on our side.
If we resort to a retro raunch vaudevillian reinvention that mixes thespian or musical entertainment with hardcore performance, legal eagles would have a leg to stand on to defend our jobs.
In a day and age when porn online is as free as the air we breathe, there has to be a better way to reinvent ourselves for public consumption. Anything new to break and shake the monotony. Or else soon the sex star of today will be the hooker burnout of tomorrow. The slit girl of the moment will later be a no go ho. But a lust life on the stage! Now wouldn't that save the dirty movie day?
My partner encouraged me to write a porn stage play. Yet it seems bottom line moneymen in blowbiz would much rather make quick bucks by the book than go out on a limb and help us all endure.
PS. I can claim to have appeared in what was said to have been some of the first live sex shot for the web back in the late 90s just before I retired. But I must say, the most fun I ever had in porn was in a live sex show in the early 90s at a Las Vegas swing club. If only we can bring those days back...
Fred writes:
It seems to me that porn faces the following problems.
1. The amount of money that porn can command depends upon the number of suppliers (actors/manufacturers).
2. The more porn is considered "shameful" and not "mainstream", the fewer people will be involved. Thus, the viewer must pay a premium to get people into the business. As porn becomes non-shameful, more mainstream, and more acceptable, it will be less lucrative because anyone will be willing to do it. It will no longer be necessary to pay a "shame premium" to get folks into the business.
3. The same is also true for porn producers. If there is no real shame or threat of a police bust, any guy with a big wallet and time on his hands will be more inclined to buy a camera and start shooting. This is particularly true since their motive may not be entirely economic, but rather, salacious. The product may be shlock, but let's face it--most porn is not produced by geniuses. Obviously, the more producers, the lower the price.
4. As distribution technology (the net) makes it easier to distribute porn, another entry barrier goes down. Further, producers from other countries can try to saturate the U.S. market.
5. I speculate that as the population ages, the demand for porn will decrease because older male interest in sex drops. All of this portends bad days for the porn industry.
Interestingly enough, if the religious right had its way, and succeeded in convincing that porn was shameful, that would boost the amount of money porn producers could command. I don't think the shame would decrease the number of consumers--only the number of people willing to go into porn.
Jerry V. From Modelgig.com
He entered porn 15 years ago, got out of it to marry and work 12 years in corporate America, then returned in 2004 to work for Tommy Sinnopoli's Stardust Industries.
I call him Tuesday afternoon.
Jerry (his MySpace): "What's the word, hummingbird?
"I answered an ad a long time ago for a guy to take pictures of guys. From there, I met Bobby Hollander, Barbara Dare, Laurel Canyon, Nina Hartley, Samantha Strong."
Jerry prefers to shoot girls.
In the eighties, he stunt-cocked in about a dozen porn features such as Valley Girls (starring John Holmes).
Jerry: "I'm the frontman for Modelgig. I'm not the money guy (ModelGig is owned by Victoria Media Corporation, a start-up). We're still looking for a good cold fusion (website building program) webmaster. It was rewritten from an html format when Robert Ferrara owned it to a cold fusion format.
"We're not doing the business I predicted in so many of my papers. Our webmaster wasn't able to do what we promised our advertisers. That doesn't look good for us. Our webmaster is allegedly writing a new file for adultmodelgig.com. I want to separate the Adult stuff so we can have more marketability with modelgig.
"I get a lot of people who say, 'Your site looks a little fast. It looks like an Adult site. I'm more into mainstream modeling.'
"With the car modeling section, we want to pitch the site to Chevrolet and maybe Nascar. A Southern company like Nascar is not going to do that with Adult models on the site.
"Modelgig.com is an online model community like 1modelplace.com.
"We're located within Chris Woodrum's NCite Studios (primarily an Adult studio in downtown LA)."
Luke: "Do you date any of these girls?"
Jerry: "Only on a social basis."
Luke: "What do you love and hate about being a part of the Adult industry?"
Jerry: "I love the drama. I hate the drama. I love the drama when something good comes out of it. I hate the drama when talent flakes on you.
"Everything else, I don't care."
Luke: "How has it affected your life to be a part of this industry?"
Jerry: "I'm very secluded. That goes back to the eighties. You just learn that there are certain things you don't discuss in public. I'm still very old fashioned. I don't discuss scenes in public. Yet if I have a date with someone, such as Valarie Vasquez at Spicy Talent, she might blurt out... And people around you are staring at you. I'm embarrassed at times.
"I tell people I'm the marketing director for Modelgig. Then they go on the site and see "Adult Models" and go, 'Ohmigod, porn!'
"I have a modelgig business card and I nonchalantly flip it to them where they might forget it.
"Most of these people will see me later and say, 'What was it you did?'"
Luke: "At least it doesn't say porngig.com."
Jerry: "Exactly."
ADULT INDUSTRY ICON HEIDI JOY PIKE JOINS NEW MACHINE
CEDAR GROVE, NEW JERSEY--Noted legendary adult industry editor HEIDI JOY PIKE is now exclusive to production powerhouse NEW MACHINE PUBLISHING.
PIKE will be head of production and marketing for NEW MACHINE's new all-original gonzo imprint, CORRUPTED PICTURES.
"New Machine has shown a lot of faith and trust in me in taking me on in this position and I plan to do everything in my power to make sure that they have product that will shine in the marketplace," PIKE said.
PIKE very recently parted ways with top industry trade publication ADULT VIDEO NEWS where she was a Senior Associate Editor and one of the most influential and respected people on the magazine's editorial staff. Prior to that, PIKE helmed gonzo icon JOHN "BUTTMAN" STAGLIANO's self-titled magazine, BUTTMAN MAGAZINE which is currently the top-selling hardcore magazine in stores everywhere.
During her time at EVIL ANGEL, PIKE also worked closely with pro-am legend RANDY WEST on creating boxcovers for his product. PIKE started off in the adult business as a peep show girl in Seattle who then worked in an adult retail store, educating herself on porn and the retail end of it there.
NEW MACHINE company president MARK BROWN said of PIKE, "We are excited and feel Heidi is coming on board at the perfect time as we are redirecting our efforts into top directors working exclusively for New Machine. Heidi adds tremendous enthusiasm, experience and talent to our organization. Her vast knowledge and background will present a unique high quality perspective on our new releases."
PIKE will also be directing for CORRUPTED PICTURES, starting off with her signature all-girl series, CORRUPTED. "I have spent a lot of time watching porn over the years and I know what quality stuff looks like. I can't wait to make New Machine proud of me," PIKE said of her upcoming directorial debut. The first volume of CORRUPTED will be in stores by year's end.
I email Heidi: "Did you write your own press release? Why did you choose to refer to yourself as an icon? What makes an icon?"
Heidi replies: "I wrote the press release and then it was edited and changed by the people I work for.
"The company I work believes that I am an icon. I personally believe that an icon in this business is someone who has made a substantial impact in it and will continue to make one for years to come. It was nice to learn that the people I work for believe that I am that great."
I ask James DiGiorgio if he's an icon. He replies:
I'm certainly not an "icon," not even close. I might, however, qualify as iconoclastic in some people's minds. But "icon" and "iconoclastic" aren't the same thing.
I think I'm what they call a "veteran," e.g., "Veteran shooter, JimmyD..."
And then there's "legendary," which, once again, I'm not. Jenna is an icon. Ronnie is an icon. Tera teeters with icon status. John Holmes qualifies as "legendary," as do Nina Hartley, Gregory Dark, Traci Lords and others.
Smut shooter writes:
So Heidi Joy Pike is now a “legendary” “adult industry icon,” “one of the most influential and respected people” when at AVN? Apparently with her hire by New Machine, Heidi’s already shamelessly swollen ego has gotten even bigger... Hear that sound? That’s the peels of laughter this for-the-ages brazen piece of unbridled PR hype is being met with industry-wide. Poor, poor New Machine. They will very soon learn the hard way what AVN and before them, Evil Angel (who fired her, btw, a fact conspicuously not noted in the release), learned about this extremely unpleasant, difficult, problematic, issues-laden diva. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Which Talent Agencies Will Get Popped For Not Being Licensed?
Will competing agencies report each other?
David at MyPornoReview.com writes:
I don't think competing agencies will report one another but producers and talent themselves will be reporting them. Girls that have been treated horribly or being ripped off by their agents will report them. Producers tired of eye gouging rates and strong arm mob tactics by agents will be reported. Only reason why World Modeling survived in the 80's and 90's by strong arm tactics was because they were the only player licensed by the state.
With the attention Martin Del Toro and Hailey Paige is getting from the Homeland Security, the industry will be in the scopes of federal authorities. They are going to scrutinize all the weddings, should we say fake weddings, and foreign performers working in the States with California IDs.
Whatever Happened To Michelle Goldberg?
She profiled me for a couple of pieces (one in Speak magazine and one in Salon) that were published in 1999.
Michelle was a delight. I wanted to talk to her all day.
I remember chatting to my friends about how adorable she was. A graduate of U.C. Berkeley (I believe), she had a 14 year old's voice and manner that made you want to open up to her.
I found she's now blogging on HuffingtonPost.com, where I found this bio:
Michelle Goldberg is the author of Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism. Esquire described Kingdom Coming as "an important work of investigative journalism, exposing as it does a mass movement with 'a vision of reality utterly at odds with that of the secular world,' that would use its power to impose a religious worldview on a diverse country." Publishers Weekly called it "an impressive piece of lucid journalism" and a "carefully researched and riveting treatise."
Goldberg is a contributing writer at Salon.com, and her work has appeared in Rolling Stone, The New York Observer, The UK Guardian, In These Times, Newsday and many other newspapers nationwide. She lives in Brooklyn, New York.
July 11, I catch her on Dennis Prager's show discussing her new book. She now has an adult voice and manner as she argues her case. But I'm sure she can still be as adorable as a kid when she works her interviewing magic.
I find it interesting when those of us who can be charming interviewers are called upon to argue out our ideas. It's hard to do both things well. I have no doubt that Michelle and I are better interviewers than pundits. If you are primarily devoted to promoting your ideas, you're rarely going to be a good listener. If you are primarily devoted to listening, you are unlikely to be a good polemicist.
Daniel Metcalf writes:
Hi Luke,
Michelle Goldberg has cropped up on several cultural affairs show recently promoting her book, which sounds like a fascinating read. The "Christian Nationalism" she writes about is rooted in, among other things, a system of belief generally referred to by its adherents as Dominion Theology. This school of thought promotes the edict that Christians have a "divine right" to use whatever means at their disposal to take control of all secular government institutions. Dominion Theology is particularly hostile to the idea of believers and unbelievers working together in any way.
The idea of forcibly taking dominion over the United States' secular government is certainly nothing new in the evangelical world. Growing up in the 70s, I can remember Dominion Theology and a related movement called the Manifest Sons Of God catching hold in the charismatic "Vineyard Church" movement (an evangelical denomination started by the keyboardist of the Righteous Brothers recording group). The contemporary flashpoint for these movements is generally considered to be the late Francis Shaeffer's "A Christian Manifesto," which sold nearly 300,000 copies within the first few months of its 1981 publication.
Modern day Dominion Theologist Kenneth Copeland has been known to quote Shaeffer's book on his popular "Believers' Voice Of Victory" show on Christian TV.
I'd love to see Goldberg and Copeland in a debate.
Joanna Angel - savior of porn or queen of alt porn?
The new issue of Esquire UK calls her the former. The new issue of Spin calls her the latter. Has anyone in the UK read the Esquire article yet? It doesn't come out over here in the States for a couple weeks but the preview picture and table of contents picture look great. Also, giving Savanna Sampson a run for her money in the main- stream exposure arena, Ms. Angel is now the new sex columinst for Spin magazine. There's an article about her in the new issue and she's mentioned on the cover. The article is good. I think she's really intelligent, sexy and beautiful. In it she says she admires Nina Hartley and Jenna Jameson. Plus, I searched this forum over the past year and I'm the first person to point out that she looks EXACTLY like Sarah Silverman?
Skronker writes:
A lot of the women who used to write for Spin are pissed off that the new management fired Sia Michel, one of the only women editors of a national pop music publication ever (my pal Danyel and another person whose name escapes me, being the others), and then they bring in Joanna as a "columnist." Not to knock Joanna, but basically what's gonna happen is Spin's going to turn into a "lad" mag aimed at 14-year-olds -- not that Spin had a lot to offer in recent years, but they did try to have meaningful content (oddly enough, a Suicide Girls expose was one recently) and cover culture intelligently.
I think the "alt" thing is fun, but no one should really make too much of it. By this time next year, you can bet it will have fizzled. I'm very much a fan of her site, and the idea of female self-visualization and sexual expression, etc. Hope she can make the most of the hype train...
Managing Editor Peter Stokes Gone From AVN
He was managing editor for about 18 months, originally hired by Tim Connelly. Peter is back in the mainstream world. He just did the porn journalism work for money, working under the moniker "Peter Stokes." His name is off the masthead of the July issue of AVN.
AVN Editor Mike Ramone replies: “Peter voluntarily left AVN a few weeks ago on good terms to pursue what I assume are mainstream writing gigs. We haven’t hired a replacement yet.”
Holly Randall's New Models
Holly emails:
Nani Nani Nani Lela Star Ginger Lee Ginger Lee Ginger Lee Ginger Lee
Nani is with Exotic Star, just shot for Penthouse. She's doing her second (not first!) boy/girl with us tomorrow. She's also a lesbian, her girlfriend accompanies her on most shoots.
Lela Star is from Florida. She's with World Modeling. She's a great perfomer, wonderful attitude and she's been booked up like crazy. Producers are even offering her double her fee to cancel some of her booked days to work for them.
Ginger Lee is with Bad Ass Models... very funny sweet girl from Nashville. Her stories about growing up in a small hick town are hilarious. She's shy at first, but really animated once she gets comfortable with you and starts talking. She's soooo cute.
I think you can find all these girls on Myspace.
Marco Palotti writes:
Lela Star isn't that new. I shot her originally in mid February, and here's an on-set shot from early March, when she's aping a character from Beavis & Butthead, though it's not as glamorous as Holly's shot, I'll admit.
I met him outside of Sardo's Bar in Burbank one night. More specifically, I met his handlers. I didn't really get to meet Earl.
Stand-up comic Earl Skakel and Tara Earl and the little people Earl and friends Lexxi Tyler Lexi Puma Swede Puma Puma Puma Puma Puma Puma, Earl Puma, Earl Vanilla, Lexxi Lexxi Lexxi Lexxi Vanilla, Lexxi Earl, Lexxi
Comedian Earl Skakel interviews porn stars and civilians outside Sardo's for a cell phone company. He has a crew of four.
Puma is interviewed by comedian Earl Skakel. She demonstrates her car alarm sound.
Skakel keeps asking porn people questions about current affairs, such as the execution of Tookie Williams. Few of the porn people have developed answers.
That came Friday, July 7, over the phone.
Luke: "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"
Earl: "An NBA player. But realizing I am 6'2 and Jewish, that shot that one down."
Luke: "What were you expected to become?"
Earl: "My parents sent me to a seminary (San Fernando Missionary in Simi Valley) to become a priest but I had a premonition of what Catholic priests are all about, so I hightailed it after two days.
"It was just a weird vibe in there. I thought I was at the Tomkat [gay porn theater in West Hollywood] on a Saturday night. Even as a 12 years old, I knew something was running amok."
Luke: "Can you show me on the doll where it hurts?"
Earl: "The priests were too hands on. Backrubs at dinner, I wasn't jiving with it."
Luke: "Are you homophobic?"
Earl, who's straight: "Not at all. I live in West Hollywood on Larrabee, a cruising street. Believe me, you're not homophobic if you live on Larrabee."
Luke: "I thought you were Jewish."
Earl: "Back in 1950s, you had to convert to Catholicism to marry into the church. My Jewish mother converted to Catholicism. I'm like a unicorn - half and half."
Luke: "When did you realize you were destined to become a comedian?"
Earl: "Towards the tail end of highschool, 1986. Everyone told me how funny I was. I became friends with people who were agents. They said, 'Earl, get into comedy. You're funnier than any of our clients.'
"It took me a few years to build up the courage. It's nerve-racking getting up on stage. I don't know how porn actors do it. We're just telling jokes.
"To get up in front of a room full of strangers, I had to go to a therapist to get over the stagefright. We started with the comedy and then we got to sex and I had to stay a year longer. I'm not the best with girls. I had to overcome shyness in all areas of my life."
Luke: "How many women have you been with in your life?"
Earl: "Between 40-50. For a non-celebrity who looks like me, that's good. My friend Eric has been with between 600-700 and they're hot. I'm not going to lie to you. I've been with a few pigs out of necessity."
Luke: "How much sexual voltage does your career pack?"
Earl: "I do better now because they see me on stage."
Luke: "How old were you when you lost your virginity?"
Earl: "Twenty two."
Luke: "Why aren't you married?"
Earl: "I'm a very selfish person with my time. I don't think it would be fair. Marriage is the ultimate step and you have to be very sharing with your time and considerations. I'm a loner."
Luke: "What's the longest monogamous relationship you've been in?"
Earl: "Six years."
Luke: "With a woman?"
Earl: "As far as I know. In this day and age, you have to do an oil check before you put the dipstick down there.
"I was just starting in comedy. She wanted marriage and kids right away. I thought it would be unfair. I saw her a couple of years ago. She married an Asian guy, so at least I know my dick is bigger. He's smarter but I've got him beat in the ruler."
Luke: "Are you well endowed?"
Earl: "I've been told yes. I'm not Tommy Lee. But I've been told I'm big by every girl I've been with."
Luke: "How has that affected your psyche?"
Earl: "It helps a lot."
Luke: "Have you used viagra?"
Earl: "It's a great story. I hope this tape is at least a half hour.
"My friend's father passed away."
Luke: "So of course you popped a viagra."
Earl: "It interweaves with viagra.
"We go over to his house for the wake and he [the son] says, 'Hey Skakel, take these. My dad doesn't need them anymore.'
"It's this plastic baggie with about 40 horsepills of viagra.
"I had never taken viagra before. I'd never needed it. I jack off every day.
"I took one. It didn't really have an effect. I was expecting an immediate effect.
"I took three more. That night I was beet red from my forehead to my bellybutton and like a chinese noodle below that.
"The next morning I woke up and it worked. I had the Sears Trade Tower in my pants. And it wouldn't go down.
"I go to the doctor and his only advice was to just jack off until you come.
"Apparently my friend's dad was taking 100mg tablets. So I had 400mg of viagra in my body. The normal dosage for a guy 6' and 200 pounds is 20-30 mg.
"I had to jack off for about eight hours."
Luke: "What do you love and hate about your life now?"
Earl: "I love comedy and the people I get to meet. Clothing companies are now sending me leather pants and shirts and say that if I wear them on stage, they'll take care of me.
"I get to meet celebrities. Being a music fan, I get to meet some of my favorite rock 'n' rollers. They see me on stage and they treat me as an equal. If I just met them on the street, they'd probably be, 'Get away from me!'
"What I hate is that some of the celebrities I meet aren't nice. They give you an attitude. I met John Saxon who was in the famous Bruce Lee movie Enter the Dragon.
"I went up to him and said, 'Hi, Mr. Saxon, I'm a big fan. Can I have your autograph?' And he looked at me and in all seriousness says, 'I don't have the time.'
"I can understand if you walked up to Tom Cruise or Tom Hanks. They're busy. John Saxon hasn't acted in Nightmare on Elm Street 2 in 1984. He's got the time. That's all he's got.
"I hate girls who aren't nice to you because they don't know who you are, but after they see you on stage, they say, 'Oh, you're so funny. Let's go out.'"
Luke: "Where are you and God?"
Earl: "We're about as far away from each other as possible.
"You've got to understand that I went to a Catholic grade school, a Catholic highschool. I had religion shoved down my throat the first 20 years of my life. I do believe in God but I don't believe in the one presented to me in my youth. The God who is all loving but if you don't do what he says, He'll put you in Hell forever. That's a sadistic God."
Luke: "Where do you find meaning in life?"
Earl: "Through comedy. I take pride in helping people forget about their problems for an hour."
Luke: "You're like The Piano Man. Billy Joel."
Earl: "I love Billy Joel, but stay away from the booze. That guy's got alcohol face like I've never seen."
Luke: "Do you have addictions?"
Earl: "I've never had a drink or drug in my life. And I come from a family of indulgers in the liquid beverage.
"There are two reasons I don't drink. One. My mom said, 'Earl, if you don't drink until you're 18, I'll get you the car of your choice.' And she did. A BMW 318i with a red steering wheel.
"After I got to 18, I saw Gene Simmons from KISS asked, 'Why don't you drink or do drugs?' And he said, 'It impairs the blood flow to my pee pee.' I thought, 'Wow, this guy is the doctor of sex. I'm not going to touch booze.'"
Luke: "These are lonely habits for the world you live in?"
Earl: "I'm a loner. It doesn't take much for me to be entertained. So much of my life is writing jokes. I'm on the internet constantly looking at various news sites."
Luke: "Where are you politically?"
Earl: "Down the middle. I like Bush's stance on terrorism, but his economic policy is killing me. I drive an Expedition 1998 and we need to start bombing another country because these gas prices are killing me. If this is a war for oil, where's the oil?"
Luke: "Do you think it is true that in every joke there's a victim and that all humor is a channeled form of hostility?"
Earl: "Definitely. I try to make myself the victim in almost every joke. You can get people on your side fast if you make fun of yourself. The first 15 minutes of my act is talking about how I didn't get laid until I was 22."
"Two days after the Great White fire in Rhode Island, I did a joke about it. Someone in the audience knew the guitar player [porner Ty Longley] who died and got in my face afterwards. I felt horrible.
"You have to survey the room before you do any touchy material."
Luke: "What role has pornography played in your life?"
Earl: "I don't watch porn much because I don't like the close-ups, especially now that everything is on DVD. I really don't need to see Ron Jeremy's balls in digital clarity. The female body is the most beautiful creation on the planet but after it's been ploughed by three black guys for 20 minutes, it looks like a busted football down there.
"When I do watch pornography, I make sure it is a low-quality VHS tape."
Luke: "What crowd did you hang out with in highschool?"
Earl: "I was the most popular guy in highschool because I was the class clown. I was friends with everybody. I was friends with the jocks, the cheerleaders because they knew I was harmless. My social life was like a buffet. Everything was spread in front of me. I just didn't eat all of it."
"I went to Erotica LA and interviewed people for that mobile TV thing I do. At Sardo's they told me, you can't have the girls talk about sucking cock all the time. You've got to come up with some better questions. We went back to Sardo's two or three times, and every question went back to sucking cock. 'Hey, what do you think about Tookie Williams getting executed?' 'Oh, I was in a bukkake film two hours ago...'
"I don't want to be known as the guy who asks the dirty questions. With that crowd, it's hard. They're nice people. Some of the better interviews were with the guy actors. They seem more with it. But who wants to see me interviewing dudes?
"My enthusiasm petered out because you can't really talk about anything else other than sucking... The girls are so sweet but if you ask, 'What do you think about Bush?' They say, 'I just ate some two hours ago.'"
Luke: "Why didn't you just ask them about their lives?"
Earl: "I figured that most of them had been molested, so I don't know that I want to go down that route. When you asked what got me into comedy, I envisioned making people laugh, getting laid, making money. I can't imagine what got these girls into sucking endless amounts of pee pees. There had to be a moment where they thought, 'Hey, that sounds like a fine job. I'd really like to get into anal.'
"Porn is something I could never do but I don't look down on them for it. It's sad. I think most of them come out here to be a legitimate actress and they end up meeting Ron Jeremy at the Rainbow and he's like, 'You should get into porn until your career takes off.' Then it's just an endless circle. After two years, no guy wants to jack off to the same girl. Then what do you do? Give out rub-outs in the back of the LA Xpress for $100. Believe me, I know."
Luke: "Have you ever hired a hooker?"
Earl: "Absolutely."
Luke: "How did it make you feel afterwards?"
Earl: "Like I wished I had my money back."
Luke: "How do you determine right and wrong?"
Earl: "We all have limits and boundaries."
Luke: "You just intuit it?"
Earl: "The guy I play hockey with has a beautiful daughter. At the time, she was about 15. Hottest body I've ever seen on any girl on earth. Skinny. Natural DDs. She was totally into me and sexually active and I just couldn't do it. Nobody would've ever found out."