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Kendra Jade Shoots For Suze Randall Luke: Shoot today (2/21/06) with holly? Kendra Jade replies (2/22/06) to me: "The shoot [yesterday] with Suze was AMAZING! They made me feel great. Holly and I had some good laughs during my interview, and we had a fun day. I looked briefly at them polaroids, and they appear to be the best shots I've ever seen taken of me!" Holly says: "My mom REALLY liked her." I call Kendra at noon Wednesday. "Did they do anything to you against your will?" KJ: "Yeah, they put me in ridiculous poses. I'm kidding. Suze knows how to make you feel good about yourself and confident." Luke: "Like I always do." KJ: "You know how to make people feel really good. Oy ve." Luke: "What type of outfits did they put you in?" KJ: "Lingerie. All black. Suze said I'm such a bad girl, she couldn't imagine me in anything else." Luke: "What was the interview about [that Holly shot]?" KJ: "Nothing deep and emotional. She asked me what kind of guys I like. I blurted out, 'I like guys who look smelly but don't smell.' "So Mary and Tawny had a fight? That will be over in two days and they'll be best friends again." Luke: "So how long have you been friendly with [ex-Vivid girl] Cassidey?" KJ: "We met six years ago. For some reason, we stopped talking for a while. We just started talking again last year. We get along well. We've been living together for a month. "My sister, 19, lives with us. Cassidey and I walk around the house naked. We forget how much more innocent she is than us. My sister goes to college fulltime (Psychology major with a 4.0 GPA at community college) and she works fulltime. I have to drive her. She doesn't have her license." Luke: "Do you have a cold?" KJ: "No. I just woke up. I normally get up at 7:30 am to take my sister to school. She's afraid to drive. I bought her a car for Christmas, hoping that would encourage her. She knows how to drive but she doesn't drive enough. "So what's the story with you and Holly? Are you in love with her?" Luke: "I'm not going to touch that." KJ laughs. "That's your famous answer these days. That's your answer to all questions regarding Holly. "She's a cute girl. She's really nice." Luke: "And she's a ballbuster. We get together on her terms only." KJ: "That's so different for you. You used to be a serial dater. It had to be on your terms." Luke: "We see Narnia and Harry Potter movies. I've asked her out about 30 times and she's come with me twice (once to a porn party and once to dinner). So it is stupid to ask her out. But I enjoy chatting with her online almost every day. She's my muse." We talk about Porn Star Karaoke. KJ: "Every time I went, it was mostly dudes. I want to have fun. I don't want to be hit on or asked to shoot. No, I don't."
3/17/06 Kendra Jade, Mary Carey Dance At Spearmint Rhino In The City Of Industry Mary flew into LAX Friday afternoon from Washington D.C. "I spent $4,000 on my trip to D.C.," she tells me at 2:20 p.m. "I'm upset. Maybe Legend will reimburse me. I have a videotape of me on Your World With Neil Cavuto. I want you to watch it. "I don't think I'm going to make my first show. It's at 4 p.m. "Kendra and I haven't rehearsed what we're going to do. We've both been on the road. I'll let her choose the music." Kendra did not get home from the club until 4 a.m. Friday. She's been sober for seven days. I call her at 2:30 p.m. KJ: "I'm sitting in traffic on the 101." She yawns. There's no alcohol served at this Spearmint Rhino. KJ: "Holly hasn't written me back yet. Holly and I would be good for each other. We're both trying to get away from the stupidity of this business." Kendra has custody of her two younger sisters. One is in community college (purportedly a good student) and one is in highschool (a bad student). Neither drive. Kendra complains about the quality of California's public education. Kendra says she used to read a book a day. Now she hasn't read a book in a month. She's in a funk. Holly and Kendra have many things in common (they love to read, they're blunt and funny, they are about the same age) aside from their adoration of me and they're trading email about hanging out. Holly has mastered spelling, punctuation and grammar. Kendra has not. Kendra responds: "I HAVE , indeed , mastered punctuation , grammar , and spelling. Just to lazy to care ! Don't you know I was an honors english student , and won every spelling bee ? National championship , babe!" Holly is organized while Kendra's flakey. Kendra's emotionally open while Holly is emotionally closed. Neither of them have female friends. Both of them surround themselves with guys they've slept with. Both of them are love addicts. Both are prone to affairs and love triangles. Both have most or all of their exes on their MySpace friends list. Both like having their hair pulled. Neither have married or had kids or been pregnant. Both are prone to depression. Kendra will take medication for it while Holly will not. Both like depressing music and literature. Both are prone to drinking heavily. Both are self-destructive, clumbsy and klutzy. Neither of them do hard drugs regularly but they have experimented with almost everything. Both of them take better care of others, at times, than they do of themselves. Both of them earn far more money than I do. Both are generous to degrees that boggle my mind. Both take on responsibility for their family and their younger siblings. Both of them have thick skins and have allowed me to write about them with a freedom that few other women have permitted me. Consequently I've written more about Kendra (the only three-dimensional female character in my memoir, "I don't see why you didn't end up with her?" says my friend Cathy, who writes a forward to my book) and Holly than any other women. Holly and Kendra are more precious to me than any other women in the industry. Consequently, I want to see them out of the industry. Luke: "When are you getting out of the sex biz? I guess that's not possible if you have house payments?" KJ: "It's not possible now. I am responsible for providing for my sisters. I have a lot of needs that have to be met. Maybe once I don't have those demands then I can put my energy into something else." Luke: "What happened to your music?" KJ: "I still work on it here and there. I don't actively pursue it. I don't have the same kind of passion for it that I once did. "I'm in this lethargic robotic mood these days. It's hard to focus and function when you're depressed, outside of sleeping." For about three years, Kendra lived with a guy in the music industry. She enrolled in a program to convert to Judaism (along with Raylene, the ex-Vivid girl who married Steve's younger brother Brad). They were going to marry. Then they broke up. Kendra dropped out of the conversion program. KJ: "I've got to find something that inspires me." Luke: "That's what working in this industry does to you. It kills the passion." KJ: "Kills the passion for everything?" Luke: "Yeah. I can't think of anyone in the industry who has great passions [and accomplishments] outside of the industry." KJ: "What about Jenna?" Luke: "She's passionate about Jenna." KJ: "I did the Henry Rollins TV show the other day. It airs the first week in April. They were asking me all those types of questions about what effect it has on me. Questions nobody asks. I was really honest. I think it is going to be bad for me." Luke: "Do you prefer dancing to making porn?" KJ: "Obviously I would rather dance. If you think about it, it's not that different. You're still selling yourself. Mary loves dancing. She loves the attention. If she didn't have this business, I don't know what would happen to her. "I rebel against it. It's like beating your head against the wall. I rebel against it over and over again yet I always stay with it. I get mad at Mary for staying with things but I am obviously a hypocrite. I stay with something that makes me miserable." Luke: "You're no closer to getting out." KJ: "I don't know what else is out there for me. This is all I've known since I was 18." Luke: "If you worked as a secretary somewhere you'd be happier living in a 300 square foot apartment." KJ: "That was true ten years ago. It would be hard to walk into any job today and say, 'I've had no work experience for the past ten years.'" Kendra calls me at 3 p.m Friday. "Who is Derek Hay?" Luke: "He's the biggest porn agent. He runs LADirectModels." Kendra: "I've never heard of him." Luke: "What's up?" Kendra: "He's threatening me on Bobby's [former Vivid girl Cassidey who has had her troubles with drugs and was Kendra's roommate until they got in a physical fight March 1, 16 days ago] behalf." Luke: "He loves to threaten people." Kendra: "He called me. He was asking for Bobby's stuff. I said I don't have her stuff. I threw it away. She left it for 30 days. She didn't call me. She didn't do anything. "He said, there was a box of personal papers there. "I said, yeah, and I threw it out. "He said, if that is indeed the case, you know this is not the end of this. Somebody is going to have to suffer the consequences. "I said, are you threatening me? "He was like, oh no, of course not. "I said, if you have any problems, you can call my lawyer because after 30 days, it is abandoned property. "He was like, yeah, you'll be hearing from me. "He's going to have another thing coming if he threatens me because he doesn't know the people I know. "Is he anyone I have to worry about?" Luke: "No." Bobby tells people Kendra is crazy, but it was Bobby who flaked on the Suze Randall shoot a month ago. It was supposed to be a Bobby-Kendra girl-girl but it ended up being two sets of just Kendra. Bobby was up all night fighting with her boyfriend over the shoot (she had committed to doing it). He didn't want her to pose nude. In the end, she gave in. Mary calls me at 3:12 p.m. and invites me to her show. "I hate strip clubs," I say. "So do I," she confesses. "You're single now. You should go." I'm not going to seek a woman in a strip club. "We could sit in the dressing room together. "It's not my fault I'm running late. It's the weather. It's American Airlines fault. They should have to pay me if I miss my show." Luke: "Good luck." Mary: "We should go eat at that vegan place on Sunday." Luke: "It's the LA Marathon. I won't be able to drive out of my neighborhood." Mary: "Can anyone sign up?" Luke: "It's too late now." Mary: "Damnit. That would've been fun to try. "I'm going to have to start training. I'm going to enter this. "Running has always hurt my knees. Still, I can still do it. It would be good publicity. "Did you and Holly fight a lot?" Luke: "No. It was low intensity. Neither of us likes conflict. Holly has a lot on her plate." Mary: "You're not good at dealing with drama." Luke: "I'm not. But Holly is the furthest thing from a drama queen. Holly is headed off in new directions." Mary: "You should be there for her." Luke: "Kendra's been going through a lot." Mary: "Aww." Luke: "That's why she couldn't be there for you the past three weeks." Mary: "She seems like such a strong person." Luke: "She's a strong person who is depressed." Mary: "I should see a therapist too. But they're so expensive. You're my therapist. And you're free. I just call you up and talk. You have to start answering my problems. I'll take you to Jerry's Deli in exchange. "I didn't know you paid by the hour. I went to a therapist once. I thought he was being really nice. We went for two-and-a-half hours. He charged me about $600. "I decided to never go back again. I talk too much. I'm a therapist's dream. They can make tons of money off me. I always have lots of problems." A friend calls me. "Does Mary do private shows?" "She doesn't hook," I respond. "Oh," he says, disappointed. HollyRandall: all i have is my dog 4:22 pm. KendraJade: Rob spoke to Derek for me 4:55 p.m. Rob Spallone calls me. "Derek called. He told me that Kendra had some Vivid girl living with her and beat the f--- out of her and the girl just wants to get her stuff back. Kendra says she threw it all out. So, they were going to go to the cops. So that's what they're doing to see if the cops will go over to Kendra's house. The girl says she left $50,000 worth of stuff at Kendra's." Luke: "You'd think the girl would've done something about it before now." Rob: "Kendra kept saying she was away. On Monday, she says she spoke to Kendra and Kendra told her she could come over this Sunday and get her stuff. But now Kendra's saying she don't have it." KendraJade: If you saw the device I have to type on , you'd understand
my lack of interest in proper grammar and/or spelling ! Leslie writes: "I guess Kendra should find a better story since her fight with Bobby was reported on your site has being on March first. So, it doesn't make 30 days since Bobby left." Kendra responds: "The fact that anyone claiming Bobbie has owned $50k worth of stuff in her entire lifetime is completely laughable. She had boxes of papers, a bed, and some old clothes from Target. She left them for over a month, suddenly her new pimp is calling. Times must be hard." 3/18/06 Mary Carey, Kendra Jade Update Mary leaves me a message Friday night. Kendra is screaming in the background to be saved from Mary's flatulence. Mary gets fecal. Saturday, I call Kendra at 7:45 p.m. "Mary and I always get along fine when we're together. Have you been reading my new blogs? "I've been devoured by Anne Sexton." Luke: "Who's that?" Kendra: "Only the greatest poet of all time. She was controversial in her time because she was a woman and wrote about masturbation and incest. "She tried to kill herself a bunch of times. Finally she succeeded. She wrote dark poetry. "Every single one of my exes is on my [MySpace] friends list. Most of them are in the top 40. They're not really my friends though." Luke: "What's the latest with Bobby [ex-Vivid girl Cassidey]?" Kendra: "I let her get the remainder of her stuff this morning." Luke: "So you didn't throw it out?" Kendra: "I threw a lot of it out." Luke: "That solved the problem?" Kendra: "Yeah. If you can put an end to the drama, you should." Luke: "Did Holly ever get in contact with you?" Kendra: "She didn't." Luke: "I tried. She's distant. Everything is when she wants it. "How's your weekend?" Kendra: "Mary and I are controversial people. We can draw a big crowd. We get mainstream press. "I'm going to church tomorrow. I have a friend who's a famous musician. He's played in front of millions but he's nervous about speaking." Luke: "Your spelling and punctuation is not getting any better." Kendra: "Shut up. It's because I'm lazy. If I wanted to, I could hit spellcheck." Luke: "You should do it right." Kendra: "Why?" Luke: "Because it makes you look like a moron if you don't." Kendra: "What do I care about what I look like?" Luke: "You should. You should have self-respect." Kendra: "I do have self-respect." Luke: Then act like it. "Spell and punctuate correctly." Kendra: "Does the way people perceive me completely depend on my spelling and punctuation?" Luke: "Would you go out wearing dirty filthy clothes?" Kendra: "I've been known to do that." Luke: "If you were looking to feel good about yourself and be pleasant to be around, you wouldn't. "If I get an email from someone I don't know that is not spelled and punctuated correctly, I don't take them seriously. I lose all interest in dating them." I had a singles ad running about six weeks ago. I got about 40 responses. The only ones I took seriously were correctly spelled and punctuated, even if the photos of the chicks were hot (OK, I did call and email them back but I did not take them seriously). Luke: "I would not date someone who spelled and punctuated as you do." It shows ignorance and a lack of standards and of basic self-respect. It screams slob. Kendra laughs. "That's ridiculous. I could be the best person on earth." Luke: "And I wouldn't date you." Kendra: "That's just because you're a writer." Luke: "Maybe. Holly is the same way. She wouldn't date someone..." She might sleep with them, but she would not consider them boyfriend material. Kendra's 16-year-old sister leaves to go bowling. "Have fun at work," she says. "Bring home that money." Kendra: "That money [enables] her to go bowling tonight. "She just informed me that she needs a lightbulb in her bathroom because she's been showering in the dark. "Neither of them drive. "The other day, I said to the older one, you drive. Within 30 seconds of leaving the driveway, she hit a parked truck." Luke: "I'm reading your poetry." Kendra: "You can't read it and get it while you're on the phone. I feel like the poem I did today (Confessions to my Therapist) is one of my best ever." Luke: "It's not punctuated right." Kendra: "That's the point. You can't punctuate a poem correctly. Do you want to be my editor?" Luke: "No. You should do it yourself." Kendra: "I'm too lazy for that." Luke: "It makes you look bad." Kendra: "I'll fix it, but not tonight, I have to get my fat ass to work." Luke: "How much do you weigh?" She stands 5'1" and weighs 115 pounds. "I gained seven pounds since I've been sober (eight days). It's common. You turn to other sources of addiction like food or cigarettes. "I'm starting my new diet tomorrow. I'm fasting starting tomorrow for maybe 20 or 30 days. I'm going to fast until I can't stand it anymore. The last time I did it I lasted 20 days." Kendra leaves to strip at Spearmint Rhino. Last Person Kendra Jade Had Good Sex With She blogs: "Depends how you look at it. Good sex means to me, having it with someone on a completely physical, spiritual and emotional level. If I look at it like that, it's been a long long time. If you're talking about one night stands that maybe lasted a few weeks, not so long ago." 3/23/06 9:17 p.m. Thursday. I hear voices in the background. Then Kendra (in Chicago) comes on the line. "Did Anna Malle die?" Luke: "Yes." Kendra: "Ohmigod, how did I never know that?" Luke: "Because you don't read lukeisback.com." Kendra: "Hold on a minute, Cynthia. I'm working. Someone came to my job and said, 'You did a movie with Anna Malle and she's dead.' I'm like, she's what? How did she die, Luke?" Luke: "She turned around on a highway and got hit by a car and cut in half." Kendra: "Ohmigod. Where?" Luke: "In Las Vegas where she lived." Kendra: "Ohmigod, that's the most horrible thing I've ever heard. Who will look after her kids?" Luke: "Her husband Hank." Kendra: "Ohmigod, that's pretty awful, Luke. She was one of the first people in the business who was even nice to me. At the time when the whole Jerry Springer thing happened, she told me, 'Keep you head up. Don't let everybody get you down.' She was cool with me. "What if that happened to me? How could somebody die and nobody knows it? What if I died tomorrow? Would people know I was even dead?" Luke: "The people who read Lukeisback." Kendra: "Luke, honestly, that is the most horrible thing I've ever heard." Luke: "Tell me your memories of her." Kendra: "I can't tell you right now, honestly, because I'm drinking. "OK, Luke, I have to go to work. "This is going to happen to me. I'm going to die and people will never know it." Mary Carey calls me at 9:41 a.m Wednesday, Mar 29, 2006. "I'll probably be depressed. You should come to my set." Luke: "Why will you be depressed?" Mary: "Porn sets do that to me." I call Rob Spallone. "No scoop today," he tells me. "It's my birthday." Leah comes on the line: "Luke, I'm very upset at you. Those pictures of me on the internet look so awful. You could've at least waited until I was fixed up." Luke: "Rob, what are you doing for your birthday?" Rob: "I've got to see my accountant to do my taxes. I've got to see a friend of mine." Luke: "That sounds exciting." 12:41 p.m. Mary Carey calls. "You misquoted me and now Kendra's mad at me. Mancow said don't bring Kendra on that day, but on a later day. I love Kendra. They want her on the seventh. Now she's saying that I'm not a real friend. I consider her to be one of my few real friends. I'm scared of a mad Kendra." Mary, any problem that Kendra has with you has nothing to do with Mancow. Luke: Mary Carey said you sent her an upset email Kendra Jade, Heather Veitch On 20/20 Chris Connelly reports 11/24/06:
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