Monday, October 16, 2006
Email Luke Archives Photos Stars Essays Search LukeIsBack.com Advertise on Lukeisback My Asian Pornstars Oct 8
Life After Porn
A soccer mom and former sex worker emails:
While Celeb and Tommy's perspectives are marginally witty, they are extremely narrow in their scope. First of all, Celeb, most former sex workers have other facets to their lives. Our former careers are not the only things we have to talk about all day. We are book readers, sport fans, auto enthusiasts, parents, family involved.....politically acitve. There are plenty of other things to talk about at our kids play dates and sporting events. And, Tommy, not all of us are pill popping winos, who have a life time seat on the pity pot. I have been a member of the "normal" world for over ten years now, and I have integrated just fine. I have two beautiful kids who are the light of my day every day. What I used to do for a living is only a fraction of what makes me who I am. It certainly isn't who I am today. Ruby has moved on with her life, and chosen to focus on her future, not her past. It is only ignorance that holds Ruby or any other retired sex worker in their past. Ignorance is the hobgoblin of a small mind. So what if she did dps, anal, or facials?(like no suburban soccer mom has a few kinks they hide in their bedrooms!) She is in a new place in her life, moving forward into motherhood, and being a committed loving wife to her husband. Only those who wish to bring her down would use that time in her past against her. She has the right to a happy life, just like you and me. She was merely pointing out to other sex workers that are on their way out that they too are entitled to a happy life. And, she is right, it does exist. There is a nice place for all of us out there to thrive and prosper. If we all went out into the world feeling as you two think we should, alienated and outcasted, we would all kill ourselves in the first year. Open you minds and cheer her on! Cheer on all of those who want to move on! Support them in their new lives, don't hate on them for it.
Tommy emails:
For the former performer, the dreams and interests in fact may be motherly, social, and cultural even. I think you had a branch catch your head a little too hard on your fall from reality if you think you or anyone who has been an adult performer can slide right in at your Children’s School and be a room mother/soccer mom when others discover you were doing porn. Is there life after Bukkake to bake muffins and get active with the PTA? Only if nobody knows about it. What MENSA porn Co did you work for?
To sit and say that an embarrassing number of porn actresses are not pill popping, rail snorting, cheap wine chugging, foul mouthed, unread, self centered/serving sexual abuse victims is nothing but pure disconnected spin. It is like saying crime is not problem in this country, the war in Iraq is going well, and if you're the president of your French poetry reading club; do you think you are not atypical?
BTW I enjoy the "open your mind" open your narrow little minds blah blah blah" In an interesting turn of irony, who has the narrow mind here? Do you honestly think you are going to succeed in your push to get porn stars in the PTA? That the reality of being a hardcore adult film performer will not be the topic of discussion every time you walk away from the rest of the parents who know and that at some point WILL tell their kids?
The fact is the choice is to keep it a secret, and hope the past never surfaces as a bomb waiting to forever explode what façade has been constructed to insulate your family from the choices of a haunting past, a constant crushing feeling of worry of never facing the possible reality of the kids coming home crying because "Little Tommy" showed him pictures of Mom gagging on two guys at once back in her Kerouac, James Joyce reading, Blackzilla Bukkake Party days. Do you expect an adolescent to sit down with the other kids at the lunch table watching their Mom get DP'd on a video iPod to tell them they need to open their minds and that ignorance is the kernel of oppression that chains down freedoms of society or whatever self help book mantra de jour you repeat over in your head to accept the choices of life that can alienate you if discovered in the new role of suburban Mom, or house wife, or VP of purchasing at Uptight Inc. USA?
Kids shouldnt be exposed to the material but to think they won't find it is so Polly Anna I do not know where to begin. The wake up call is the real world operates on a choice and consequences premise. You make a choice and there are consequences. A sex performer may very well leave the industry and have aspirations of living the suburban American dream but I stand by the reality that if the past is brought to the surface the fallout will have a profound affect on the interaction between the rest of the neighborhood, co-workers in an environment out of the industry, or on children who discover Mom or Dad are having sex on a DVD or website for all their peers to watch will be provide a lifetime odf anxiety.
Your idealistic retort however spiritual holds as much water as a net. I also think it is interesting that your resume of counter interests of the typical performer are suppose to be rewarded. Of course you are entitled to a happy life after adult but go sell crazy someplace else the odds are so stacked against it and to say it ewont come back is just mind boggling. The point was not to hope for a life of pain and sufferingon anyone, the point was to point out there is a fly in my chardonnay waiter. You and I both know that if you have in fact successfully integrated into suburban life most of your circles do not know you were an adult performer. My comments seem cruel and scathing to you because it penetrates a part of your thoughts YOU keep suppressed. The moral of the story here is Carolyn the perky soccer Mom who is the pillar of the school, community, neighborhood, etc. may like to have scat fests in the bedroom but it cannot be purchased on a blackberry for $1.99 ten years after she experimented with it. I have known many women who were bright, beautiful and only in the business for a short time that moved on to marry, have kids, and do their best to live the dream. But for the rest of their lives their eyes constantly dart in the rearview mirror to try and stay one step ahead of keeping the porn in the past so the tsunami of judgment does not wash away the hard work they have invested to raise a family that is capable of living a normal drama free life, free of hurtful and mean attacks by the big cruel world we ACTUALLY live in and not some romanticized, delusional, version that will gladly welcome soccer Mom’s into the pockets of suburbia who have been porn performers. The commentary of strangers in this case like it or not is the silent majority. Your efforts however noble and sincere are still not planted in reality. A paroled felon can be rehabilitated but the stigma will be there as the consequence of choices. We live in a world of “but I was just kidding” or “I didn’t REALLY mean it” or the classic” just because I did something in past does not mean I ever have to face it”. You are wrong! You are dead wrong! You can move on and not beat the shit out of yourself daily over past choices, do your best to be the person that you have transformed into, but do not shed a tear when the bucket of poo gets dumped on your head when your little secret is uncovered. To say uncovering the truth will not have devastating long term damaging affects on a child is to perpetuate the same kind of self indulgent thought process that had you performing sex on video in the first place. Is there daycare on a porn set? A crib for an infant to sit waiting while Mom is finishing a scene 20 feet away? No because it is just wrong. Lets cover this one more time my comments are to point out the fact that all the running in the world will not insulate the family from consequences of choices, that today’s industry is in fact flooded with entitled drug addicted barely literate morons who think they will not be thrown out like tomorrows trash. And finally, trying to act as though performing rough anal sex, facials, and sex with complete strangers and some cases multiple strangers on video will not be a cratering explosion in your family life when discovered is absurd and disconnected from reality. Paint me as the bad person, paint me as the one with the narrow mind, but be sure to paint me as the majority of the people when you tell them what you did for money with strangers on film. Go pursue the happy home maker Judy USA life but mark my words the choices of your past will have consequences. You want to open up minds, open up minds to the cold painful truth of that. This is a culture of “have my cake and eat it too” but time and time again we are reminded in bold print of the consequences of choice. That is the point. You can celebrate the awakening of a decadent past but you cannot dismiss the reality that it WILL be problematic if discovered. You can call me mean, ignorant, or whatever defensiveve adjectives you can conjure up to deflect the truths of the world, but in the end the only narrow mind here is your own. I do not make the rules of society I just point them out for what they are. I am sure the rest of the ladies are racing to get to starbucks for a latte and scone after dropping the kids off at school to hear in detail how fun the weekend was at the AVN show in vegas and hang on every word in envy when you describe the live sex acts perfromed at a luxury suite with hors devours being served at 3am, then seguey into how much homework Mrs. Allen has been assigning since the return from holiday break. In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I got to say about that".
FBI Conducts 2257 Inspection of Evasive Angles
TT Boy Responds to 2257 Inspection.
Hooking Up: You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again Again
Lumbering home in my van Thursday night, I figure there is no better way for me to live the values of the Liberty Film Festival than going to the Hollywood party for this new book.
Kate at Fishbowl LA says she'll link my report but I have nothing of quality to offer, only more tales of woe.
I park on Sunset Blvd, West of Highlands, and walk a mile to the club. It's 10:15 pm.
I look around at the most frightening collection of hags and wonder which perverse celebrities wanted to bang them.
I engage in conversation with a couple of filmmakers -- Adam Grayson and Kevin Moore.
"I found out it was Rosh Hashanah from my Vietnamese friend Anh [whose company is sponsoring tonight's party with its anemic gift bags of vibrators and other perversities]," says Adam. "My parents don't make me feel like a bad Jew. Only you do. It is when I look at your noble countenance that I realize the depths of my depravity."
Kevin says that the only reason he goes to church is to meet with my approval.
Two hot chicks stop by and give each other a very tender french kiss.
Trindy, the blonde, is author Carly Milne's make-up artist. Her friend Arielle is a mystery. She asks me what I do. I say I am a truth seeker like Diogenes.
"Diogene's dog," she says.
"No, I meant the Greek philosopher."
"Do you know anything about Diogenes?" she asks me.
I think she's a Jew.
"Only that he was famous for going around with a lantern looking for one honest man," I reply.
"Diogenes was famous for saying that a man needs only one true friend and Diogenes' one true friend was his dog."
"Oh."
"Did you know that Stevie Wonder is next door?"
I get excited. "Did you know that my brother met his wife by telling her a Stevie Wonder joke?"
"No," says Arielle. "And I don't really care."
Arielle and Trindy laugh cruelly at my humiliation and high-five each other.
"Got you," Arielle taunts me. "Touche."
I turn my back on her and the pleasures of this world. I yearn to go
back to the higher place I experienced on Yom Kippur. The deepest levels
of pleasure are not to be found in seducing girls in bars at parties for
books such as Hooking
Up: You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again Again. Just
ask Noach Weinberg. He would know.
Because I have more important things to do with my life than post corrections
Mike Albo writes: "Now that my initial shock at the weakness of your response has worn off, I'm wondering what those important things might be. Publicly worrying about the bags under your eyes and your fading "boyish" looks? That is one of the major issues of our time, isn't it?"
Saving the world from the scourge of pornography.
Mike responds: "You've been on this self-assigned crusade of yours for many a year now. In that time, the industry's only gotten bigger and has even achieved some degree of influencing the popular culture. To paraphrase a well-known dolt, "You're doing a heck of a job, Lukey!" Really, give yourself a pat on the back...if your psychosomatic maladies will allow it."
You are right. I need to work harder. Only my maladies do not permit me. I've got IWW syndrome.
IWW = I Won't Work.
Daniel Metcalf emails: "So Luke, you're saving the world from the scourge of pornography by running links to Sugar DVD and Wanted List on your site? I think my earlier Lou Reed analogy wasn't quite the right Rock & Roll fit for your career. No, you're more like Brian Wilson, who's described in one Beach Boys biography as singing the praises of vegetarianism while shoveling a bacon cheeseburger into his mouth."
They made me do it.
Anyway, this website is not my true self.
Ruby The Soccer Mom
Celeb writes:
I can hear the typical conversation between “Volvo driving soccer mom” RUBY and maybe the girls’ soccer team coach who might be a woman. Maybe it’s a Saturday afternoon in Valencia or Newport Beach or Omaha, Nebraska. The two women are on the sidelines near the bleachers - the coach blowing her whistle as the junior high school aged girls ages 12 thru 14 practice in their yellow soccer uniforms. Ruby looks on, a proud soccer mom and the weather is perfect outdoor weather.
RUBY: “So! – have you been coaching girls’ soccer long?”
COACH: “Well actually only for a couple of years now since I got married and settled down.”
RUBY: “Me too. I mean about settling down.”
COACH: “Yeah, I married later on in life; I didn’t tie the knot til I was 33. I have a wonderful husband. He’s an attorney too…and now I coach kids! Ha ha!”
RUBY: “What did you do before that?”
COACH: “Oh, I went to law school – then did post grad pro bono work while studying for the bar. After that I was an attorney for 7 years. Mostly arbitration, mediation – corporate stuff – pretty dull hah ha. I continued to do pro bono work for the underprivileged during that time as well. How about you? Go to college? Did you marry young?”
RUBY: “Nope didn’t do college/…you know… I’m like you – I married late…”
COACH: “Oh you did?!” (Knowingly nods her head as a kindred fellow late bloomer).
RUBY: “Sure did. (Knowingly nods back) - Before I found Mr. Right I lived pretty much like any other white middle class suburban girl after high school."
COACH: – “Uh, huh. Mmm.” (Interrupts conversation - blows her whistle. She then yells at two girls on the team practicing) “BRIANNA AND BRITANNY PAY ATTENTION!” (Coach returns to the small talk and sighs)
COACH: “Sorry! - Ugh these kids !! Ha Ha! So anyway…before Mr. Right….”
RUBY: “Well before I met hubby I moved to Hollywood and made pornographic videos and in them I used to let strange men jack off in my face, sometimes in groups, then I’d let them sodomize me and deposit their loads of sperm in every cavity while a camera crew filmed it. Often I’d stuff their testicles into my mouth or let them double penetrate me. Do you know what DP means? Sometimes I’d just blow a bunch of them and/or have unprotected sex with them – and I’d have multiple orgasms on tape and allow cameramen I didn’t know to take obscene close ups of semen dripping out of my mouth, anus and vagina. I would get paid for this and enjoyed the attention. The cast and crew – even though I didn’t know them were all good people – some became friends later– you know! Of course I was only acting. I was an actress and model. And every year we play dress up and pretend it's the Academy Awards and we have a big ceremony and give each other Awards for like the best cum shot, the best blow job and so on. Anyway, these movies and shorts would be distributed worldwide on DVD, video, cable tv and the internet and sleazy adult book stores and arcades! You can go online anytime now and see me stuffed with grotesque male penises belonging to men of different races all of whom I never met before we filmed! Some cum shots are in full color dirty books and magazines! Come to think of it, not only can you easily find my stuff; so can my family my friends my kids’ friends and they always will as long as there is an internet! Well, gotta go and take the kids to McDonald’s! Nice meeting you! Bye now!”
Delusional doesn’t remotely begin to cover it, “RUBY!”
Kami Andrews emails: "your a hurtful ignorant retard for the little ruby exchange you posted. It only suits you if some one is in pain. I was 100% wrong about you but I'm a porn chick i guess I should be stupid."
Terri Redor writes: "Gee, Celeb…Do you know what “misogyny” means? That lovingly artificial dialogue between fantasy-land lawyer and Ruby the logorrheic whore – maybe that should end with you wrapping Ruby in Seran Wrap, disemboweling her and looking sympathetically into her eyes while you explain that she will never escape her porn past. Maybe you should change your fake name from “Celeb” to “Frustrated Porn Stalker From Valencia (Or Some Other Common Suburb)."
Tommy writes:
How typical of an adult actress to go on the attack after reading something as nerve touching as the Ruby exchange. A dose of prophetic reality is not being misogynistic, it is not stalker behavior, it is merely someone who is collecting a check in the industry who is looking at the delusional talent who now drift into places of business and act like they are waiting to see their agent at CAA. We edit your films, your photo shoots, we see your dilated pupils, or blood shot eyes, or the sheen of perspiration that coats your body from being so coked up a Volkswagen could be driving in and out of your ass and you would still be looking at the camera thinking to yourself “Oh my Go they think I am so pretty, they want me so bad I should just fuck the whole set” …and it happens and you know it does.
I find it funny how just because you work in the industry it is suppose to mean some life long membership card that means you cannot have an opinion on performers who try and convince themselves that they have done some award winning form of philanthropy for mankind letting strangers have rough anal sex with them and then ejaculating in their mouth. The comments about dress up are hysterical.
The blasts back are not even thinly veiled self realizations which are just short of a child’s temper tantrum. Let’s filter the return comments through the Tommy Translator. “Oh Yeah celeb well I’m the one in a lot of pain and suffer from low self esteem and you have hit a nerve so deeply, on such a personal level, that I have kicked off my Xanax red wine ritual two hours early today.
How dare you take away my disconnection from reality by telling me the coke snorting tattooed narcissistic and abusive men who tell me I am smart and good at what I do will never compete with anyone who has an education and has lived a dream of hard work and making something of themselves is no longer within my reach or that my choices have forbidden me to ever realize a life that has stable, loving, and filled with supportive relationships. How dare you uncover the absolute fears that send me into an anxiety attack every time I walk into a Walgreen’s when I see someone make eye contact that they might recognize me keeping my habitual drug use and alcoholism at a close second to my promiscuous sex life that never quenches my need for acceptance from the shame of the past that will no doubt haunt me. Give me a F****** break.
This post was too real for the disconnected performers who think they are actors. I have no problem with adult film or performing at all as long as the truth is not brushed off and some low IQ moron does not try and paint what they do as being acceptable to the standard mores and norms of mankind. The fictional depiction was brilliant in my opinion. Performers can try and buy expensive branded clothing, drive a car they cannot afford, hang out with people who are famous, or think they are, but at the end of the day the little girl who dreamed of a nice wedding, a family, has forever thrown that away in exchange for coke, cum shots, and a scrap book of mass distributed DVD’s or downloaded internet files that will keep whatever children they bring into the world in therapy deep into adulthood.
I like how when someone spills wine on the fantasy that DP scenes and cum shots to the face on film are not something the rest of the world finds acceptable or have a particular comfort level talking about, or that lead designer knock off dresses and pancake make up at a pay bar at the AVN awards is not big city culture at its best, and but of course the person who gives a jaw dropping accounting of a sobering reality check is the one with some horrific and violent sociopath tendencies. You know it hit a nerve, you know it was something that in deep dark places you do not like to admit as performers is the cold hard truth and trying to defend this is only a sad confirmation of just how delusional you actually are. Go have a Vicadin lunch chased with some white wine from Trader Joe’s, invite another performer over and talk about how dull the lives of the educated and hard working mass majority must be as you find yourselves in bed having sex under the influence of substances with the meter off and bask in the solid choices and respectable life you have made for yourself.
I chat with Rob Spallone and Trinity James about the XXXChurch
Rob gets me into a compromising position.
Carly Milne - The Triumph of the Will
Carly's relentlessly on message optimism has always intrigued me (not to mention that she has always been nice to me, which is not easy to do). She has a new book out (Hooking Up: You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again Again) and is throwing a party Oct. 12 sponsored by wantedlist.com.
Milne laid Moxie.ca to rest in the spring of 2002 to concentrate on a new challenge — working in the adult industry. With an interest in deconstructing the troubled waters of human sexuality and focusing on subjects most women weren't writing about, Milne accepted a position as Associate Editor of AVN Magazine, the adult industry's premiere trade publication covering all facets of the world of porn, in the interest of learning about the world of smut from the inside out. While working at AVN Milne visited countless porn sets, reviewed countless movies (nearly 30 every month), and had the opportunity to write on a number of interesting subjects including the Free Speech Coalition's victory in the Supreme Court that saw the demise of the Child Pornography Protection Act and about Snoop Dogg's appearance to accept an award and crash a hotel room after party during the 2003 AVN Awards for Rolling Stone.
Feeling that she wasn't seeing the true picture of the industry from where she was, Milne left AVN in the fall of 2003 to continue her book research and take a look at the world of adult from a different perspective — that of publicist. She accepted a job offer from Metro Interactive, home of porn legend Ron Jeremy, and launched her popular website Pornblography.com as an outlet to vent her amusement, analysis and frustration about working in the adult industry. Since its launch in the winter of 2003 Pornblography.com has won rave reviews and attention from various media outlets including a stint on PBS, ABC's Nightline, Sirius Radio, Sex TV, XM Radio, Naked New York, Playboy Radio and more. Milne was also interviewed for the popular E! Channel show True Hollywood Story about porn superstar Jenna Jameson. In the spring of 2004 Milne signed on to work exclusively with one adult video manufacturer and distributor that housed adult talent such as photographer Suze Randall, multi award-winning director Michael Ninn and the legendary Seymore Butts. And if you keep your eyes peeled, you might just see Milne in a couple season three episodes of Butts' hit Showtime reality series Family Business.
As I read her bio (I particularly like the bullet points), I was struck by Carly's take charge attitude towards her life. She never portrays herself as a victim.
You could call Carly Milne an industry icon.
I first heard of her in late 2002. I began reading her pornblography.com column where she'd battle it out with her readers on all topics sexual.
In the summer of 2003, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend and we were getting all hot and bothered by the E! True Hollywood Story on Jenna Jameson and all of a sudden, Carly Milne pops up on the screen.
"What is Carly doing on there?" I thought to myself as I told my girl, "Hey, I know her."
It took me a long time to realize that Carly, like Jenna, was another example of a porner crossing over to mainstream success.
Milne left porn in 2004 and went on to write books (published by real publishers) and lead a normal non-porn life and it all seemed so seamless. Such ease, such grace.
I have many friends who write on porn and whenever we get together, we moan about exit plans.
She emails:
Those bags under your eyes. Dermalogica Multi-vitamin Powerfirm always works for me, and I'll be 35 in April. Also, don't drink alcohol, it wrinkles you. I found out I'm having a baby boy, the ultrasound was cool, he gave me a thumbs-up! I should be the size of a whale for the AVN this year, which will be my last convention. I was very sorry to here about Chet. It looks like the next generation is getting ready to retire, and I'm here to tell them that life doesn't have to end after porn. You can have a very happy life after being a sex worker. Look forward to the next chapter of your life with hope, and pursue all the dreams you put on hold while you were busy being young, dumb, and full of cum!! We are not throw away people, like C. Everett Coop would like to think. Please don't give people like that satisfaction by not continuing to live your life, you are worthy of happiness!! "Where do all the pornstars go? They're Volvo driving soccer moms !!"
Holy Hottie
Important Message from the Founders
A documentary in the UK, Holy Hottie, is being released that is primarily based on the crusade of Heather Veitch to help women in the sex industry find a relationship with God. We had hoped that by allowing our lives to be filmed we would be able to reach and help those feeling trapped or hurt by the sex industry. Please know that JC's Girls was in NO WAY able to control the editing of the documentary. We are saddened to learn that exploitative images of girls were used and are being shown on a non-cable channel that can be seen by children.
On a personal note… I am so hurt that a documentary about my life would contain images of girls that might later come back to haunt them. I know how it feels to have done things in my life that I cannot erase. I make it my policy to protect girls from being filmed nude or speaking about things they may later regret. Sadly, scenes depicted in this movie were filmed out of my presence. Had I known our footage would be used for a project other than the original documentary I agreed to, I would never have allowed myself to be taped. Please pray that God can somehow work all of this out for good
Follow-Up
Mike Albo emails:
Your readers want to know, Luke. What happened to your big story regarding Playboy and AVN? You can't manage a response because of your new built-for-hypochondriac-sissies keyboard? Your reliable sources have abandoned you? What happened?
I'm always interested in hearing your explanations. So, strap on your safety helmet, put on your seatbelt and start hitting that keyboard. But be careful. You don't want to strain yourself or risk further debilitating injury...you pansy.
Always good to hear from you, Mike.
On September 18, I got this email from a usually reliable source: "Paul Fishbein just sold AVN to a company outside the adult biz. He's retiring. Darren Roberts and several other staff members will remain on board."
I emailed it to Paul Fishbein, and, not hearing anything back, I published the email on my site.
Paul then emailed me: "Shame on you for printing this. Completely false. Irresponsible and shameful. Your fucking anynymous sources are full of shit. Total disgrace."
I wondered why Paul was so angry. Why would he care? It would be a compliment to have Playboy interested in acquiring your business.
I figured Paul was angry for one or more of the following reasons:
* Bad journalism makes Paul angry.
* Paul doesn't want his employees to fear for their jobs.
* There really was serious discussion about selling AVN and my report
made this more difficult.
* Reports of being sold make it more difficult to do business. People
are leery about committing to you if you are about to change owners and
people will take longer to pay you.
Over the next week, three more industry sources came to me to say that it was true that Playboy was buying AVN. One source said there would be an announcement in two weeks.
Three weeks have elapsed since then and there's been no announcement.
I'm out on a limb with this story. None of my sources have backed off it, so I have not either.
I have no doubt that Paul would love to get out of porn and do something else with his life.
AVN employees should only fear for their jobs if they are not good at what they do, if they are easily replaced, and if they have no marketable skills to get another job. Working at AVN is not some cushy overpaid gig and there's no job security. You have to earn your way, as you should.
Mike Albo writes:
So, let me see if I have this right. You sent an email seeking confirmation on this story, but decided that those crazy Internet deadlines of yours didn't allow you the luxury of waiting to get a response...so you went ahead and ran with an unconfirmed story. My, you are quite the gutsy professional!
...Thanks for schooling all of us in the basics of the job market. It's great that we can benefit from your many years of highly paid, award-winning, ethically unimpeachable, responsible and always accurate reporting...on your self-posted blogs and those wonderful books published in the vanity press.
AVN Editor Mike Ramone emails me:
Since you’ve gotten on your high horse in the past and lectured us about journalistic practices, turnabout only seems to be fair play, yes? As I recall, close to three weeks ago, you posted a headline saying the Playboy-buys-AVN deal would be announced in two weeks, and beneath that headline, you ran a single sentence saying four independent sources corroborate your story.
Now, however, you concede that only ONE source said the deal would be announced in two weeks, and as it turns out, that source was wrong.
So, a couple questions:
-Why didn’t you take it upon yourself, as any credible news organization would have done, to acknowledge to your readers, as soon as the two weeks had expired with no announcement, that the “to be announced in two weeks” story was wrong, rather than wait for Albo to bust you?
-Why did you give the impression to your readers that four sources had corroborated the “to be announced in two weeks” story, when, by your own admission, it was only one that had done so?
-In hindsight, considering your headline was based on a single unnamed source, don’t you think you should have hedged the headline a bit – perhaps with a question mark or “sources say” – rather than flatly stating as fact that the deal would be announced in two weeks?
Inquiring minds want to know Luke.
Because I have more important things to do with my life than post corrections.
Mike Albo emails:
Uh, are you kidding here? That's the best you can do? Jeez. If I hadn't renounced physical violence a few years ago, I'd hunt you down and administer a beating to you with a bar of soap in a tube sock. But, given past experiences, I doubt even that would knock any sense into you. How do you live with yourself?
Mike Ramone emails:
The arrogance of your response is stunning. Aren’t you the one who repeatedly got up on his high horse a few months back and demanded that for journalistic ethics reasons, we correct something you got all tweaked about? (We didn’t because we disagreed with your position; in your case however, there is no question that your headline, flatly stating that the deal will be announced in two weeks, was flat-out wrong.)
Talk about hypocritical double standards. To state the obvious, you owe it to your readers to correct inaccuracies on your site, otherwise you have no credibility – which is how many in the industry already view you. This latest episode only re-enforces that perception. “Because I have more important things to do with my life than post corrections”? No, it’s undoubtedly more along the lines of “Damn, I got another one wrong. I really hope nobody noticed.”
Matt's Porn Life
It's starting to get surreal to me now. I'm not sure if I'm living in a lucid dream or a nightmare LOL. I feel like a doctor. They come in. They disrobe. They share intimate details of their personal lives and show me their insides. I listen and watch. I don't judge and I just try to make them feel as comfortable as possible. So chalk up another cute girl next door who wants to get into porn for fantasy, fame and fortune. There seems to be boatloads of them these days. Where do they come from? Why are they here? All I know is it ain't MY fault. Somebody out there is manufacturing and sending them in droves to Porn Valley, USA.
One could say "Well Natasha is a case and point Matt, it's Internet Porn that's too easily accessible, influencing them. Watching Porn is making them want to get into porn!". Naaaw....sorry, that ain't it. It's much bigger than that. It's the sum total of you're kids childhood memories and countless sources of modern external stimuli - which is creating the infatuation with Porn in the first place. In other words, a colossal cultural dissolve with everybody pointing the finger at each other. As the USA deteriorates, Porn becomes an easier target as the cause of societal ills - when in fact it's only a symptom.
Sam Schreiber Of Backroom Sales
Desi writes:
Backroom Sales125 Route 526, Allentown, NJ(609) 208-0800
Sam Sharp (ironic, because mensa he is not) his partner is Dave Hurzman and was partnered with Jon Resnick (the “person” that bought Forbidden Films and is currently the largest distributor in NYC) a/k/a FORBIDDEN FILMS J. RESNICK FUTUREWORKS UNLIMITED, INC. 10 E 33RD ST.
Sam Schreiber was, maybe still is the owner of the porn stores and porn mailorder company called “Backroom Sales”. maybe getting this info to the producers might give them time to cut his character out. Or maybe it might help there ‘c’ movie to have a pornographer in it, and it’s a sure good thing is that he is not an accused child rapist, albeit that acquisition did come from his then wife (now ex). So how reliable can that be. I am sure that Rose (the ex) knows best. And if you ask the girl about it all she does is scream while she rocks back and fourth,… I’m sure she is fine.
FBI Inspects Darkside’s Talent Records
Production Manager Craig Dayze said today that five former and current agents of the FBI inspected the company’s records for several performers last month.
Jack writes:
I noticed that it took AVN over 40 days to break the story about DarkSide’s being raided. Couple of interesting facts about that; 1- was it not the DarkSide movie with an underage girl in it that brought down Goalie [eddie wedestedt pleaded and is doing a year or 2. he lost millions, 6 stores,1 or 2 of his planes, i think his house in Malibu, all predicatd on the "underage" tape, the raid that yeilded the documents that 'did him in' came from the DarkSide underage bust]? 2- is it not true that Goalie was the only company effected by such film? 3- I wonder if the USDOJ is looking into selective enforcement in the DarkSide matter. 4- How is Hank Weinstein dealing with the implications of the AVN DarkSide raid article? Does it not clearly out him as the confidential informant that he is, as is the vast majority of the porn industry, who then wields their ‘service’ as a means to rape and torture girls (often referred to as porn stars), drug distribution and the concealment of many, many other evils (like the years of violence by performers like TT Boy and others) Or you think its just LFP laying down the new law of the land and doing some house clearing.
AVN's Mark Kernes emails:
It was NOT the Darkside tape which "brought down Goalie." The Aug. 2000 raid on various Goalie warehouses turned up NO copies of that tape, and the obscenity guilty plea in Texas earlier this year had nothing to do with it.
As far as I know, NO company was affected by Darkside's tape except perhaps Darkside itself. Retailers were warned in a timely fashion BY DARKSIDE of the problem with the tape, and cleared it off their shelves immediately.
The DOJ is after EVERYONE who puts out sexually explicit material, even if there are no pictures involved.
Nice to know that the complete sick-os are still your best fans.
Trinity James (seven months pregnant with her second child, the other kid is six, she was conceived the first time Trinity had sex) calls me back Monday night, October 9, 2006.
I want to hear from her and husband Josh about the demise of the Trinity Project. I read the XXXChurch's report here.
Trinity, 22, and Josh take up the last 20 pages of Pastor Craig Gross's book, The Dirty Little Secret: Uncovering the Truth Behind Porn. It makes them sound like they are trapped in porn and dying to get out.
Trinity received $14,400 in help from the XXXCHURCH. "They're more out for themselves than anyone else," says Trinity. "If they can use someone else to get there, so be it. We had a falling out because they wanted me to divorce my husband."
Pastor Craig Gross of the XXXChurch denies this. It would be unusual for a conservative Christian such as himself to push anyone to divorce.
Trinity: "Them trying to get me to divorce my husband wasn't the
only reason we had a falling out. It was over many different things but
ever since I decided I was going to work on my marriage, they didn't want
to help anymore. Kind of a coicidence huh?
"They need stupid girls who aren't smart enough to figure things out. They put it out that I want their money, but I don't want their money. That's the problem. I kept telling them that I was done with them but they just kept going. Now they've dropped anything about me from their website and any time I post, they delete it. They don't want people to know the truth. From what they had on there, everything was perfect. "I was doing great." We haven't been doing great since I got out of the industry.
"I went out and got a good job [after leaving porn]. I'm a certified nurse's assistant. He's got a decent job. It's not about the money. It is about the way I went about leaving the industry. I up and went and got screwed."
Luke: "Screwed from what?"
Trinity: "From not saving... It's hard to explain. They are just out for the publicity. They made more money off my name than they were supposed to [in donations]. They wouldn't give me the money when I needed it. "We're not helping you no more unless you divorce him."
"Josh doesn't care if I work in the sex industry. It's my choice. He didn't care when I left. He doesn't care if I go back.
"It all started... He's got his problem with porn like any guy has. They should be helping guys like that, but they don't want to help him. They just told him to grow up. It was very disrespectful. Some of the things coming out of their mouths, I didn't expect to hear from a pastor. "He's an asshole. He just needs to grow up and get a job."
"We've saved all the emails.
"If it wasn't for my husband's mom, we wouldn't have made it.
"They never really gave us cash. They paid for the things we needed. They paid for my schooling. They paid off our obligations. I appreciate every dime. I could've done it myself if I had saved my own money.
"It's all weird."
Luke: "Did you want out of the porn industry?"
Trinity: "Yeah. At the time, I wanted out. I wanted to knuckle down and raise my family. I'm not going to say it [leaving porn] was the best choice in the world."
"I don't regret getting in. It might've been a mistake. Who knows?"
"I regret the way I got out. I left myself in a position to have nothing. I'd worked my ass off, literally, for three years and had nothing to show for it."
Luke: "Why didn't you have anything to show for it?"
Trinity: "When my ex and I split up, it was a big battle and he took everything. He emptied the bank accounts and took everything from the house. I started from scratch again."
Luke: "You made a lot of money. You must've blown the money."
Trinity: "I wasted a lot of money just like every girl out there."
Luke: "How many Christian talkshows did you do?"
Trinity: "Just that one. It was weird. It was my first time being around that crowd of people with my clothes on. They were all trying to get more out of me than what they did. Even on that show, I never dogged the industry. I said it wasn't meant for some people. I've never done like this girl [Chrissy Moran] is doing now. I've never put anybody down. It was my choice to get in and my choice to get out. Nobody forced me to do it.
"I had that Shelley Lubben chick email me months ago that it was illegal what they did to me and that I should press charges. How do you press charges when you sign a model release? I did it by my own choice. I never did drugs or porn parties. I did my job and I went home to my kid."
Luke: "So where are you and God?"
Trinity: "I believe in God but I am not a religious person. My husband's Christian. He met these guys before I did. He went to them to try to get away from the industry. He was bringing them girls. When I met him, he said, 'You should talk to them.' I have no problem talking to anybody.
"They were using him.
"It irks me that they are finding more people naive enough to fall for it. They emailed me that I should keep my mouth shut because they're working with other girls and that I shouldn't make it look bad for them. That's why I never responded to Mike South. But now I see this girl [Crissy Moran] and she's going to go through the same crap I did."
Luke: "How do you feel about Pastor Craig Gross?"
Trinity: "That he needs a new line of work."
"What they want to do can be done, but they are going about it the wrong way. They shouldn't expect [porners] to change their life in one day and drop everything. They expect you to leave your whole life behind. They paid for me to move to Indiana. They never once came out to visit me and try to help us find jobs. We only heard from them when we emailed them. They had the publicity so it didn't matter."
Luke: "Have you ever had anyone invest so much in you as the XXXChurch did?"
Trinity: "It's not them. It's the people who donated the money."
Luke: "You accepted the help of the XXXChurch. What did you owe them in return?"
Trinity: "The deal was that I would stay out of porn, which I did. I was supposed to stay in contact with that Shelley Lubben chick but I just don't get along with her. All the stuff she was trying to do, I just didn't believe in. She thinks girls in porn have these issues. Girls at McDonalds have the same issues."
"I got my CNA [Certified Nurse's Assistant license]. I'm working on a medical/dental/office assistant [license] now. I'm not a stupid person. I can do a normal job."
Luke: "Did your porn past follow you to Indiana?"
Trinity: "We visited a few adult stores and quite a few of my videos were on the shelves."
Luke: "Did it affect your life in Indiana?"
Trinity: "No."
"At one point I thought about coming back to porn to just put a boot in their program, but it is not worth it."
Luke: "Do you regret getting involved with the XXXChurch?"
Trinity: "Yes, it is the thing in the industry I regret. The people who were supposed to make my life better made it worse. I was a lot happier when I was in the industry. It was a lifestyle. My freedom. I was in control. I could be home with my children. I watched my daughter grow up. Now I watch her go to daycare. I had a lot more time with my husband. Now we hardly see each other. I miss the attention."
"After the baby is born, we're moving back to Vegas."
Crissy Moran emails me:
I read your latest interview with Trinity James and I want set the record straight.
1. XXXChurch did not approach me at all about leaving the industry. I did so on my own. I didn't even know who they were until about a week ago. I was referred to them by Shelley Lubben who I emailed after I had already made my choice to leave the business. I found Shelley from a fan who had posted links to her website and other websites on my fan message board.
2. XXXChurch is not forcing me to do or say anything. I told them I would speak out on my own if I choose to do so and that is what I am doing. I don't understand what happened in Trinity's case but I can say [that in] the interview I saw of her I was not convinced that she was happy to be there.
3. I don't recall putting anyone down. I simply spoke out on how I think porn is destructive.
Becca Brat Interview
I met Becca (with Lisa Marie) in early December, 2003.
I talked to her a few times after that. I last saw her at the PAW Bowlathon in May 2005. She was with her boyfriend Jack Spade.
After exchanging some email with me over the past few days, Becca calls me Wednesday afternoon, Oct. 11.
She's out of porn and California and living near her family. She's drug-free. She's married. And she's four months pregnant.
"I left L.A. in April 2005. I went to work at the Bunny Ranch. I was still on drugs. That was a bad scene. I'd been in and out of rehab five times. This time I got serious. I took methadone for two days, and some pills for a day and a half, and I was done. It was will-power and God.
"I must've had angels looking after me. You know I've been through some rough stuff, stuff that most people would not have survived.
"I was addicted to heroin, meth, anything I could get my hands on.
"I was very homesick. June 5, 2005, was my first official sober day. The more I was sober, the more I was open to other things. I grew up a Christian. I came home to visit my family and I decided to stay. I started going to church again. My old friends were very accepting. That made the transition a lot easier.
"I met Shelley Lubben on the internet. She's a great strength for me. Any time that I am frustrated or not quite sure what to do, I'll call Shelley. I've been reading a lot on your blog and other places about girls addicted to heroin. It was such a huge epidemic when I was on it. It seems like so many girls OD'd on it."
Luke: "Why did you get into the Adult industry?"
Becca: "I was very accepted in the Adult industry. I always felt welcomed. It's fun. I grew up sheltered. It was new and exciting. Anything that is truly bad is going to look exciting or you wouldn't get into it. It's like a drug. You try it for the first time and it's fun. By the thousandth time you've done it, you realize you can't stop doing it."
Becca started stripping at age 18 in 2000. In 2001, she started acting in porn movies.
Becca's friends with a couple of porn girls who also got out -- Aria (the body builder) and Crissy Moran.
Becca: "Aria is doing well. She went back to massage therapy and she's making a good living. She's still living in LA. Aria grew up in the church too as well as Jack Spade. We always talked about how many girls in the industry grew up with Christian lifestyles. That's the reason so many girls are leaving the industry now because they had that background."
Luke: "What was the hardest part of letting go of the Adult industry?"
Becca: "The money. And a lot of the people. You do make friends. You hear that bad things happen to some people."
Luke: "How do you feel about the industry?"
Becca: "I used to be a big advocate of it. Once I got to the Bunny Ranch, they used me for a lot of publicity for the right of legal prostitution... Looking back on it, I was so miserable. How could I have let anybody talk me into saying what a good thing it was? Once you get into the industry and you're working to make a living and you don't see any way out, you put on this big show. You become Becca Brat. It's a different person. The hardest part of leaving the industry was finding Carly again, remembering who Carly was because I was Becca for so long."
Luke: "How did your friends in the Adult industry react to your living the industry and finding God?"
Becca: "Most everybody is supportive. A lot of them say, 'The church isn't my thing.' I try to tell them how much God is helping in my life. They're not quite open to the God thing but they are so proud and so happy for me that I have been able to leave the industry. I don't think anybody is truly happy in the industry.
"I hung out with a lot of people in the Adult industry, everybody from contract girls to gonzo actresses. Everybody has the same problems. Everybody is on drugs. It's an empty lifestyle trying to fill up a void."
Luke: "Did you lose a lot of friends when you got into the Adult industry?"
Becca: "Yes. I knew that a lot of people wouldn't agree with what I was doing, so I didn't keep in contact with anybody. It's amazing to me that since I've been back, so many of my old friends have been so accepting even though most of them know what I was up to. It doesn't even matter to them. I've been re-accepted. My family is supportive. I talked to my family while I was gone but it wasn't a relationship. The best part of coming home is being able to rebuild my relationship with my family."
Luke: "How did they react to your being a part of the Adult industry?"
Becca: "They hated it but they loved me anyways."
Luke: "When you enter the industry, you lose so many relationships."
Becca: "It's like the death of you and the birth of a new person. I look back on some of the stuff I did in the industry and I couldn't even imagine doing it now."
Luke: "How does your husband deal with your being an ex-porn star?"
Becca: "It's something he doesn't like to talk about. It's something he accepts but it is not part of our everydaylife.
"He's a childhood friend of mine. He found out what I was doing about a year before I came home again. He told me, 'When I found out, it made me so sad.'
"We move on. He knows I might have some issues, but nothing he's not willing to get over."
Luke: "What price do you continue to pay for being in the Adult industry?"
Becca: "I have anxiety that everybody is judging me. I'm four months pregnant. I have anxiety that if things don't work out with my husband, they're going to try to take the baby away. Even though I constantly have people tell me, 'You don't have to worry about that. Nobody is going to try to take your baby away from you.'"
Luke: "Do you still have to fight the urge to take drugs?"
Becca: "I had the urge until I got pregnant. Now I can't imagine doing it. I don't want my kid to turn out anything like what I did. I just want to shelter them. I used to hate that I was so sheltered. Now I wish I was more sheltered."
Luke: "Are there any lingering effects from having used drugs?"
Becca: "My memory. I can't remember anything. I can tell I look older. Most people say I look young for my age.
"I still do some fun stuff. I had a bachelorette party in Vegas. I was the best girl there since I was pregnant. Ninety nine percent of the time I'm at home. I love that I don't have to work. I'm busy nesting. I'm trying to make everything all perfect for the baby's arrival."
Luke: "Do you find it hard to relate to people who aren't Christians?"
Becca: "No. If anything, I find it hard to relate to people who've
never done anything really wrong. I relate better to people who have been
in the lifestyle. I don't think I could ever judge somebody."
What Do I Do About The Bags Under My Eyes?
I've made it through life on my boyish looks, but now they are fading and the future looks dim. Please help me become the hustler I know I can be. I'll throw in a free script consultation.
Jeremy Steele writes: "Sliced cucumbers on the eyes for 5-10 mins
once/day.. eat living foods like salads and cut down on coffee and sweets."
Hank Rose writes:
Luke: It gets worse. In my 40s, I hit a wall. I could no longer eat the same foods or hold the same hours without paying for it physically. I needed reading glasses, food allergies worsened, I developed occasional gout and chronic insomnia. All that was left was my libido and sexuality. But what little looks I had faded to make a comeback a joke unless I only worked with mature women over the hill like me. So I gave it up to be a house husband and preserve my marriage. There is no folly or shame in a sugar mommy soul mate to take care of you so long as you genuinely and passionately love her to earn the privilege. The hard part is to find a special Mrs. Right to dedicate yourself to exclusively. With experience and research, I found out that as one ages almost everything slows down except time, which seems to pass faster. So to maintain proper metabolic balance one must get enough exercise to speed up bodily functions. Those who deny and ignore the serious health issues and concerns of aging can become obese, wind up on drugs or worse. The secret is to eat less and move more. Less food and more exercise is the best recipe for healthful aging.
David Lord Crawford bouncing checks to talent?
According to this thread on XPT.
David emails me:
Hey Luke, I dont pay people when I shoot for DVSX. So its not me paying anyone. I think there was a problem with Taryn Thomas likesix months ago and it was taken care of. It wasnt two months it was 2 weeks. Now i do pay when I shoot for bad seed and NEVER was there one bounce check. So the blow hole that is running around talking shit should shut up and cover thier own ass. Anyway I am in the Czech republic shooting for DVSX right now. These woman are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ON THE PLANET.
Whatever Happened To Nancy Pera?
She used to manage Savannah and has a ton of great stories about the industry.
Ruth Parasol was in Barron's last issue
Anyone read it and care to report back?
The Return of Kristi Myst
Something I said I would never step foot in again. A chance of a life time has come to me. One of the biggest adult companies is offering me a contract for three years. With 6 movies a year. At first I was like meh, no thanks. Then they told me about the money. I was like oooooh...mmmm no thanks. Then they told me I am able to write my own movies, and have 10 percent of all income the movies make. I was like. Oh Okay. Sure why not. I am always gonna be remembered as a porn star. Hell lets give it one last run. I am very excited about my return and first movie. It has been written. They are doing scrips now. I will be shooting in about 8 9 months. Then it should be released in Aug 2007 or 8. Depending on whens the best time for me, and what movies are out at that time. I am going for AVN awards baby. Now Personally. The last couple of days I've been hanging out with a really good friend of mine, and I feel kind of bad, because he is my ex husbands team mate in motocross. Its okay though, they never liked each other really anyhow (haha) I've been hanging out with a lot of my friends, and it feels good. I am happy. So that's whats going on in my world.
I fucking love being with Sin City Films. They fucking treat me pimp. I am not even joking. I have two desk in my office, One just for a desk top computer and the other one for whatever, and they fucking gave me a lap top just to use whenever. That is PIMP (haha). No but I m excited working for them, I've had a good time so far. So. Hopefully (Cross fingers) things will stay this way. I will admit there are some aspects to the job I m not going to like. Now, I am sure some of you (if not most of you) are like what the FUCK is this bitch talking about. Well, calm the fuck down and I will tell you (haha). I was going to go back in to adult films. Vivid told me, no I m not pretty enough. After they were all for me. Telling me that oh yah lets sign you to a 3 year deal. I have a feeling I know what happen. One of their major contract stars had/has an issue with me. It goes back to me being with her current boyfriend. At the time she was married, and me and the guy she is dating now were both single. Either way. I am sure she threw a fit and they were like "Oh we can't lose her, we don't know how well Jeannetta will sell." Understood no problem. So Sin City was like, we've worked with you before. Lets sign you today. We talked it was a deal. Signed my contract officially today. I am doing office work. I am part of public relations team, as well as a contract (or soon to be contract star for them, which doesn't go into effect till 2007)) I said I don't mind being a star, but I want to be part of the office. They were like cool, lets do this shit. SO its a done deal bitches :) I know some people have already expressed an issue with my choice to go back into films. They thinks its beneath me and so on? whatever. Maybe its because I make more then you, and doing something you probably often watch? Who knows, don't care.
What? No Follow-up?
AVN's Mike Albo emails:
Odd that for all your crowing about the supposed takeover of AVN by Playboy, which, by the way, was supposed to take place last week, you haven't uttered a peep by way of follow-up. What happened to your four "reliable" sources? Good job, men of the gossip press! You do a lot of good for a lot of people.
Oh, and regarding your new vertical keyboard? I now have absolutely no doubt that you are the biggest wuss-bag to erroneously call himself a man. Did you get a helmet to go with it? You can't be too careful, you know.
Daniel Metcalf emails: "Luke, you should really consider changing the focus of your site from adult entertainment to the paranormal. Investigations into UFOs, ghosts, Roswell, the Bermuda Triangle, and the Easter Bunny are most entertaining when they're fueled by the kind of "reliable sources" and fact verification you bring to porn."
FBI Agents Inspect Legend’s Records
CHATSWORTH, Calif. - Agents from the FBI inspected performers’ records at Legend Video this morning, its co-owner Bruce Mendelsohn confirmed today.
I heard through the grapevine that she is now threatening to file a lawsuit in the amount of $250,000 against anyone who uses her allegedly trademarked stage name in promoting her porn-again mother De'Bella [Debbie Schwarz].
A trademark search did not reveal any trademark on Jewel's name.
Jewel emails:
My name is trademarked and I do have the paperwork it's www.jeweldenyle.net that is the trademark but still is my name and my corp is Jewel De'Nyle prod. inc. which is also owned by me.
I just hate people using my name on boxcovers it's not fair to the viewers or buyers it's very misleading.
How to Make Money Like a Porn Star
NEIL STRAUSS Q&A WITH HIS PUBLICIST
1. What inspired you to write HOW TO MAKE MONEY LIKE A PORN STAR?
2. To what degree is this novel satirical and to what degree is it moralizing?
3. Do you believe that the increasing presence of the adult entertainment industry in mainstream culture is entirely unhealthy?
4. Of the three principal "bad guys," one is a Middle Eastern prince, one is a sleazy director, and one is her long-lost brother. Care to explain your casting selections?
5. In the adult entertainment of today, is violence against women really as prevalent as it is in your novel?
6. In your experience, is America single-handedly globalizing the adult entertainment industry or are other cultures selling sex and violence just as successfully as we are?
7. For HOW TO MAKE MONEY LIKE A PORN STAR you chose to collaborate on a graphic novel with Bernard Chang. What effect were you hoping to achieve by marrying your narrative with his graphics, and how did this collaborative process lend itself to a better story?
8. What was the most interesting and/or unexpected lesson you learned while writing this book?
9. How has your relationship with and understanding of women changed or evolved from the writing of The Game to HOW TO MAKE MONEY LIKE A PORN STAR?
Neil responds:
Rachel,
Thank you for your list of press questions. I tried at first to answer them literally. Then I realized that I was taking them way too seriously -- as if I were trying to make some grand statement with this out-of-left-field graphic novel.
True, it is anti-pornography in the sense that it explores the negative effect porn has on those who actively produce and consume it. But that should be no surprise. To quote the wisdom I gleaned from that great American philosopher Marilyn Manson when writing his book: "It's the abusers who make the users look bad."
So, instead, let me tell you how it all began: Before puberty, my passion was comic books. I bought every number-one issue (and every 100th and 200th issue) of every comic I could find, hoping they would be worth a lot of money one day. Like most boys, when puberty hit, the fantasy world of comic books was replaced by a very different fantasy world. So those colorful relics of my squandered childhood remain decaying in my basement -- still as worthless as on the day I bought them.
In college, I rediscovered the format when the package lifestyle that underground rock brought with it included alternative comics. Since I wasn't having much luck pursuing the fantasies of flesh, I turned back to the fantasies of print. I found that this confessional, non-superhero genre of comics was able to express emotions I felt - usually loneliness and frustration - in a way as evocative, visceral, and resonant as the best literature. And, as an added bonus, I didn't have to look any of the words up in the dictionary.
Beginning with the book I did with Jenna Jameson, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star, I started trying to incorporate comic art in the storytelling. My collaborator in this was a friend, the fiendishly talented Bernard Chang, who had done work for DC and Marvel --- on many of the same comic characters I had uselessly collected as a child.
So when Judith Regan shot down my idea of traveling to India in search of a hidden orders of monks who can levitate, and instead suggested writing a full graphic novel with Bernard, I leapt at the opportunity. To actually create a comic book was something I never thought I'd have the opportunity to do. Even though, in secret, I'd always dreamt of creating an entirely new and dark illustrated world that served as an allegory for the regressive progress and sybaritic self-deception of modern times. However, that's not what Judith proposed.
She wanted something else entirely.
When writing a book with someone, I integrate myself into nearly every aspect of their life so that I can write through their eyes, feelings, and voice. So while working with Jenna Jameson on her autobiography, I was catapulted into a world that normally exists behind closed doors: the adult industry.
I spent a lot of time with everyone in that space-- "actors," producers, bodyguards, fans, sugar daddies, and suitcase pimps. I even ended up writing and appearing (clothed) in a film that won the AVN Award for Video Of The Year. I based the script on an Ambrose Bierce short story, and still have no idea how anybody could get aroused to it.
Whenever I told people of the stories and characters I had come across, they'd sit there rapt for hours. So Judith suggested that we both conclude our respective journeys into the world of adult entertainment with a brutally honest, totally fascinating tell-all -- in the form of a graphic novel satire.
All these characters really existed. I met them and picked their brains till they ran out of drugs and went to bed. They've just been made into composites, exaggerated to serve the gods of parody, or perverted into stereotyped villains to send-up superhero comic conventions. (And, no, outside of the layout of her house, Claudia Corvette has nothing in common with Jenna Jameson -- though she does have something in common with someone who Jenna and I met together.)
What was most interesting to me was composing a story visually rather than verbally, and employing as many different styles and devices as possible to do so. For example, there's a page in the fourth chapter where a single image is divided into three panels to accentuate three different actions occurring in quick succession. Elsewhere, the passing of time is depicted through images of an ashtray filling up with crumpled cigarettes. And a murder is shown only through blood splattering into a white pile of cocaine. Then there are all the easter eggs, tributes to influences, private jokes, and public jokes hidden in the small print.
So, to me, How To Make Money Like A Porn Star, is more about form than function.
I had dinner with Judith the other night, and I asked, "Who the hell is going to buy this thing?"
She said, "Who cares."
And that was all I needed to hear to know I'd done the right thing.
Good luck publicizing it, Neil Strauss
P.S. In the press release you sent, it says that the book gives the reader "back-door access to the adult film industry." You may want to reconsider that phrasing...
It is hell learning to use it.
Human Trafficking
Jac writes:
There was a great piece in LAWeekly several years ago about incall apartments in the San Gabriel Valley and their slave trade asian prosties. I know personally that these incall apartments are still all over the SGV.
I have been to several and know of about 6 or 7 that have been in business for years. I have no idea if the girls are slaves, have green cards, or are tourists....all I know is that they always have new girls and none of them speak any English. They are Chinese and fresh off the boat, as they say. The typical story is that the girls are recruited in China or Malasia and told they will get good jobs in the US. When they arrive, they are told that they owe the recruiter 50 grand for getting them into the US and they must work it off one-dick-at-a-time. The girls are "indentured servants."
I also used to work in a bar next to a Korean massage parlor in K-town. Every night the place would close at 10 and a black benz sedan would arrive to pick up the girls. Those guys made Shylock's Armenian drivers look like girl scouts. No shit, they were like Yakuza hitmen in a Jackie Chan movie. Those girls were all 18-22 and hot as hell. All our valets would be sure to be in the back lot at exactly 10 to watch them come out of the parlor. I went in their a few times to bang those girls for $100 plus $40 cover. Many told me they had been doing the same jobs in different cities across the states.
Trinity James returns
She writes on xpt:
I am going to put a quick little bit of advice for this chick in case she reads...hope ur not expecting too much and hope you dont have a boyfriend or husband that u want to keep i wish u nothing but the best with these people but I am going to say it was the worst mistake I ever made actually believeing I was better off outside of the industry....I am not going to put anyone down or talk a bunch of shit because its childish and just wanna forget about my mistakes and move on ...but I hope this girl doesnt dog too many people cuz she will regret it....yeah girls that enter the industry might have problems but girls that work at mcdonalds have problems too just because this industry is sex people have to harp on drug abuse and sexual child abuse.....I have had my problems in my life but I would consider myself normal compared to half the normal girls I see at walmart.
Pornography: A Secret History of Civilisation
I just watched this six-part series on DVD:
The first four shows (all of disc 1 and the first show on disc 2) are very well done and quite informative. The final episode, produced in 1999, seems quite dated now - more of a snapshot of how things looked in 1999 rather than accurate predictions about the future of erotica. The first episode gets my highest possible rating for an objective presentation on how our society became so conflicted over erotica. The next three episodes, up through the development of photography and film, are also well done and informative. In my opinion, only the most close-minded could fail to have a more open mind about erotica after viewing the first four shows. Excellent for watching with friends and family.
The main problem with the series (by the same team that brought us Inside Deep Throat) is the main problem with most programs and writings on porn -- that (with few exceptions) the only people who know anything porn are pro-porn. Such people tend to view porn as an embattled genre and that all its supporters must close ranks and support the industry.
This approach and these people are not interesting. Conflict is what's interesting and this series has no conflict.
Every single person this series interviews is pro-porn. While posing as disinterested, the series takes as one-sided a view to its subject as Jerry Falwell. This happy-go-lucky porn-is-cool approach leads to numerous absurdities. Among them:
* Ignoring the shattered and perverse lives of the people they glorify. For instance, part four profiles Suck magazine but does not mention it published a lot of child porn (and that all the major pornographers, such as Reuben Sturman, Milton Luros etc, dealt in child porn until it became clearly illegal in 1977). Does not mention that one of the main guys behind Suck, Mickey Leblovic, was charged with repeatedly raping his underage daughter. And I don't think it's just me who thinks there's a weird incestuous vibe between Hugh and Christie Hefner.
* Calling Lasse Braun's productions "lavish" and "lush". They are only "lush" in comparison to other porn productions. Compared to regular television and movies, his productions are skinny and inept.
* Calling The Devil in Miss Jones a major movie. As a movie, Devil fails. As pornography, Devil fails. No pornographic movie rates as a good movie because no porn film would rank among the 10,000 best films ever made.
* All arguments for restricting porn are ridiculed. Yet, one can be pro-porn and anti-censorship but still believe in limits such as child porn. The notion that there should be limits to pornographic production and dissemination is only ridiculed in this series.
Many Vivid Girls Act Like Crackheads
Dana DeArmond writes on ADT about Vivid girl Cassidey:
I was trapped in a sweltering warehouse in the middle of a heatwave with this banshee. I consider myself a pretty f---ing tolerant person, but you will be hard pressed to meet a person more annoying than vivid girl cassidey.
She brought her s---ty little dog, and expected everyone else on set to babysit it. she did not crack her script at all. so we had to spend hours and hours on dialog. she was chugging bartles and james wine coolers all day. my anal scene was that day, so after her holding everything up, i didnt start actually having sex until 11 pm. during my sex scene i hear clipclomping and jingling. its cassidey going up a metal stairway in highheels with her dogs leash making a s---load of noise. hello cunt, we are rolling sound. what the f--- is this bitches problem?
Day 2 was more of the same. she asked me if the male talent was gay. i told her to watch herself, one of the guys in the scene was my boyfriend. oh god i wanted to punch her. I'm just glad i didnt have to f--- her.
Oatmeal writes:
I watched the interview on Girls Only: Cassidey (it came free with the compilation SavannaMania).
Interviewer: What are the secrets to pleasing a man?
Cassidey: I don't know I'm not into pleasing guys. I think I should be pleased by a man and I think I should please all women. and uh... and no... I don't know. I'll please a man if I got pleased but if he didn't please me first I'll stop, I'll stop. Boner Killer. I ejected the CD after hearing that.
I've had the flu since Oct. 4 and watched many movies. I list them in
the order of excellence (e.g. how compelling I found them, not on their
message).
* The Weather Man.
Inspiring. Profound. Real. Unexpected. Gorgeous. Funny. I had never heard
of this film, picked it up by whim from the library, and it turned out
to be a masterpiece.
* The Constant Gardener.
Smart. Fast. Sophisticated.
* The Proposition.
Unexpected. Gritty. Real. Australian.
* Ushpizin. Inspiring
low-budget fare from Israel.
* Munich.
* Midnight Cowboy.
Smart. Gritty. I saw myself as a Jon Voight character. (I only rate it
down my list because it was my second time watching it, thus it was less
exciting.)
* The Great Raid. It
meant well.
* To End All Wars.
Christian. Inspiring. Thought-provoking.
* Human Trafficking.
I wanted to hate it for being exploitive and cliche, but the drama sucked
me up.
* Prairie Home Companion.
What was all the fuss about?
* The Aristocrats.
Gross, funny (particularly Sarah Silverman)
* Undercover Brother
Re: Human Trafficking. I've been investigating the sex industry for over a decade and have always been on the lookout for this story. I have many sources in law enforcement who I've asked about this. None of them had any first-person experience with sex trafficking. I'm sure it exists but I've never talked to anyone who had any experience with it. There may well be models forced to perform in pornography but I've never seen any evidence for it and there's not a strong economic model for it. It only costs a few hundred dollars to get a model to do something pornographic and the criminal penalties for enslaving people are so big that it is not worth the risk for a pornographer.
Of course sex trafficking is odious, but it is a much smaller problem than it is hyped in this movie.
There's no grand solution to the problem of sex workers. Most sex workers in the first and second worlds are simply lazy. They sell themselves because it is the easiest way for them to make a buck and those who purchase their services do so because regular sex is either difficult for them to obtain or unsatisfying.
People in the third world sell themselves because they are desperately poor. Eliminate this way of making a living and they remain desperate.
Here are some reviews I agree with on from IMDB.com:
I've thought long and hard before saying what I'm about to say. I've searched my memory for something to disprove it, but I can't think of anything. Here it is: The Weather Man, the new film directed by Gore Verbinski and written by Steve Conrad, is the most relentlessly pessimistic mainstream American film that I have ever seen. It seems to be telling us that over time you become a shell of the person you once were and a pathetic, ever decreasing fraction of the person you one day hoped to be. You will squander potential and become incapable of giving meaningful love to anyone that you care about. This doesn't happen as a result of some huge disaster or tragic mistake, no, this happens as a result of hundreds of minuscule failures every day. As you might imagine, this is excruciating to watch. But in creating one of bleakest portraits of contemporary American life you will ever see, Gore Verbinski also creates a film that is shockingly humane, funny, and beautiful.
Nicolas Cage, who I don't always like, gives a fantastic performance as David Spritz, a Chicago TV weather man with no degree in meteorology. The thing that makes him great in The Weather Man is that he consistently plays the part in earnest. There's plenty of opportunities to ham it up or play it for laughs, especially because David acts like such an asshole so much of the time, but Cage never falls into those traps. One feels at every turn, no matter how disgraceful his behavior, that he's just a guy trying to do what seems right to him in that moment. At one point he drops his daughter off at his ex-wife's house. When his ex-wife, played with terrific subtly by Hope Davis, remains outside for a moment he suddenly decides to throw a snowball at her, which hits her in the face and cracks the lens of her glasses. Rather than playing it like it's funny, which it is, Cage seems like he's making a sincere attempt to connect with his former wife in any way he can.
...The Weather Man is a rare achievement and one of my favorite films of the year. It is so honest and so bleak that I can't believe that a major studio let it get made. In an industry where schlock and melodrama are passed off as great statements about us as humans The Weather Man is monumentally refreshing. I have nothing but respect for Verbinski and Conrad for having the nerve to make a film that on the one hand is crushingly negative, but on the other endlessly humane.
Shelley Lubben's Porn Ministry
There are also porn chicks with normal parents who just don't understand where they went wrong, and chicks who had just as traumatic childhoods that didn't enter the sex industry. I don't disagree with the premise that porn is harmful to the performers and that helping them get out is a good thing, but something smells iffy about this Shelley Lubben chick and her "ministry". She ridiculously simplifies things: No girl ever enjoyed shooting a porn scene; all of them come from f---ed-up backgrounds. Blanket denial of the attractions of the industry is only going to speak to those who are already thoroughly sick of it. If she thought honestly about the things that lured her into the industry in the first place - and why they are ultimately illusive - she might reach a lot more people, but when you're seeking to claim victim status, it's just too convenient to portray it as preying on the vulnerable. Better just to ignore the hard question of why so many girls flock to the industry to sell themselves so cheap.
There are blatant contradictions in some of the things she says. Being kicked out at 18 is one of her excuses for the path she took, but on the same blog you can read her parents' account and it's evident that she was already on a seriously wayward path. In fact that was why she was kicked out, they didn't know what to do with her and were protecting the family. She fills out her little "porn stars speak out" dossier by quoting several performers who are still in the industry completely out of context.
Why does it take a Pagan like myself to see that these supposedly devout Christians have the whole forgiveness thing backwards? An excuse is not required; abdicating responsibilty for your own actions is not the route to salvation. Rather, you are supposed to recognise your own sins and genuinely repent of them. Also, true Christian Charity is supposed to be directed on the basis of need, not conditional on people joining your church, but they're not reaching out to anyone without religious inclinations; you can't read far before they talk of how the Lord saved them and could save you too.
Shelley Lubben responds:
Please Ivor, send me some “normal” chicks who make porn. The ones who AREN’T addicted to xanax, alcohol, meth, cocaine, prescription pills, marijuana, anti-depressants and who never had sexual or child abuse or early exposure to pornography and who grew up in strong healthy backgrounds filled with proper love and affection. Yeah, I want to meet THOSE girls. Make sure I can research their backgrounds though. In other words, go find me a well known porn star whose background I can research and find no child or sexual abuse, no drugs, no parental neglect and no early exposure to pornography and no history of drug or alcohol abuse. Good luck.
You go find her and tell her to blog on lukeisback or on my myspace what a healthy happy background she came from and what a healthy life she now lives in the porn industry. She may THINK she’s healthy but in reality she is living lies. Many of the women who make porn actually believe lies about themselves and it can take years to undo the lies. For example, some say they were never sexually abused and later in recovery they discover they really were. The American Psychological Association tells us that: Some children even report little or no psychological distress from the abuse, but these children may be either afraid to express their true emotions or may be denying their feelings as a coping mechanism. Other children may have what is called "sleeper effects." They may experience no harm in the short run, but suffer serious problems later in life.
I encourage everyone to read about sexual abuse at the APA web site. It will enlighten you. You may also want to study Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. Many porn stars live with it daily. So, no Ivor you don’t know what you’re talking about. Women don’t make porn because they enjoy it. They are lured in or attracted to porn for very unhealthy reasons. Some are acting out sexual abuse and/or crave the attention they never received as children. Porn offers them all the attention they ever dreamed of and quick money, which they usually blow on more drugs, alcohol, clothes, plastic surgery, makeup, hair extensions and cars.
By the way, there are no contradictions in what I have said. If you had actually read my story on my web site you would have seen I have a history of child sexual abuse, parental neglect and started rebelling as a teenager seeking out attention from my parents who admit they neglected me as a child and then kicked me out of the house onto the street where I was lured into the arms of a pimp.
Not all of the porn stars’ stories are the same but we ALL share common factors that cause us to go into the sex industry. I talk about this more on my web site. Ivor, make sure you get the WHOLE truth about what I say on porn. You read one blog on my myspace but I encourage you to visit my web site and get the whole truth. I have spent two years researching porn stars backgrounds, speaking with the top womens’ health psychologists, and working with many drug addicts, sexual abuse victims, child molesters and prostitutes on recovery programs in rescue missions and prisons for several years.
Ivor, you probably wouldn’t step foot in a recovery center to help one person. Whereas it is MY LIFE to reach out to those who are destroying their lives and need help. I will continue to help men and women in the porn industry get OUT and build better lives for themselves where they are no longer victims but Champions in life living excellent healthy lives!
Ivor Biggun responds:
Shelley,
I read both your blog and your site before I commented, they were the basis of my observations. You want an example of a porn chick who didn't have a bad background - how about you for starters? It was you I had in mind when I spoke of "normal parents who just don't understand where they went wrong". "Neglect"? Sorry I read the whole of your parents' account and I don't see it. Misguided perhaps, but not neglectful. You say you began having sex at (gasp) 16 years old, but also talk of having been "introduced to sexuality" at 9 by other kids. If this went beyond the typical "playing doctor" you'll have to explicate, otherwise it sounds like you're trying to cast normal sexual development as "sexual abuse". Your views are colored by an extreme religious perspective that (according to your site) even views mere masturbation as a problem to tackled. Do balanced people care if guys whack off? Obviously no church sees mastubation as holy, but the sensible ones place it very low on the scale of things to be concerned about.
It's ironic that you assume I'm not interested in helping people, because in fact I've been heavily involved in activities your blessed church would heartily approve of, I just don't need a pastor to tell me what's right or wrong. So you found God, good for you. Maybe it's instinct for you to be on your knees in front of someone, but not everyone is ready to flip from one extreme to the other. You'd help a lot more people if you stepped into the middle ground between whore and godly wife to educate people on the health risks, damage to future prospects and utter emotional devastation that sex work ultimately yields - without preaching the Gospel or pushing a false predator/victim scenario. Instead you sit on the sidelines and cream off the already disaffected souls that approach you, so you can boast about how God is working through you.
You're adamant that girls in the industry have issues, but I wasn't disputing that; What I was attacking was the one-dimensional notion of cause-and-effect that you are peddling. It's simplified, superficial, self-serving snake-oil that purposefully avoids the hard questions. It's dishonest to ignore the role immaturity, self-indulgence and lack of foresight play in the decision to become a sex worker. Since you're a Jesus freak, let me put it Christian terms: the magic word is TEMPTATION. You succumbed to it, your forgiveness is conditional on nothing but genuine repentance, yet still you seek to shift the blame. Do you think Mary Magdalene gave Jesus a sob story about her childhood?
Before I gave my life to Christ, I made a living advertising porn sites on the internet. Crissy was one of the girls I promoted on my site. After I made the decision to live for Jesus, I had to find a new way to make a living and God provided. I started at the bottom of a low paying manufacturing job and worked my way up to manager. Today I just bought my first house. I am not rich by any means, but I would still follow Jesus even if he had not blessed me so much in my new job. The peace I have inside BY FAR outweighs any material things I have. My house could burn down tonight and still I would follow. Crissy, I am so glad you have invited Jesus into your life. It may be tough going, at times more often than not. But I guarantee you will never regret the decision to follow Jesus!
I can't begin to tell you how your testimony and commitment give me strength. I still struggle daily with an addiction to pornography. There were times I would drop a $1000 a week in strip clubs and unknown amounts collecting porn. I know that you feel somewhat responsible for your consumers but that is a burden you need not shoulder. I can't say that I am familiar with you beyond what I know of you on MySpace, but I do know that God is glorified by the stand you are taking. God will bless each step you take in His name. When I abandoned the life of immoral behavior, one thing that always was the tortured souls that remained imprisoned because I made my money available. I applaud each lady that has left "the business" only to face their demons and minister to those still in bondage. Crissy, God has great plans for you and though things ahead may seem uncertain, God will never leave you nor forsake you and in your weakness His true strength shall be revealed.
Crissy writes: "I want the world to see the ugly side of this business. It needs to be exposed."
Mike South On Jenny Craig
He's lost 27 pounds. He says the brownies are the best.
It's Dan (Editor of Genesis magazine) and Katy's (Zvolerin, Adam & Eve publicist) one year anniversary.
Adella from Digital Playground calls me from the Tampa Show.
Crissy Moran leaves porn for God
Crissy Moran (born December 22, 1975, in San Diego, California) is an American erotic actress. Her ethnicity is English, Irish and Polynesian. She came from a small town outside of Jacksonville, Florida, and moved to Las Vegas, Nevada, and then to Los Angeles, California. In 1999, Moran started in the porn industry as a nude model. Her first nude pictures were published online. Her first hardcore photographs were published in 2000 on an adult internet website. She was featured in the 2001 Castrol Oil calendar and appeared in Lowrider magazine prior to her forays into web design. She subsequently opened her pay website, "Club Crissy." Originally, her pictures were mostly softcore in nature; as the years progressed, she expanded into hardcore heterosexual and lesbian pictorials, the use of sex toys and fetishism, including bondage.
A couple of months before Crissy contacted me, I found a link to a song called "Crissy M" and when I heard it, I prayed for the woman in the song. A couple of months later she contacts me and tells me that Jesus is leading her out of the sex industry. WOW! What an awesome God we serve!
My #1 interest right now is building my relationship with God and leaving my old life behind! God loves all of us no matter what we have done. I have worked in the adult industry for 6 years and he still has been calling out to me to bring me back home. Some of the greatest people in the bible have done things we cannot even imagine and God has used them in very powerful ways. Just know that it's not too late for any of us!
I could always sense men lusting after me even at a young age. I felt many of his friends looked at me with lust even though I was a little girl. When I would be alone with his friends they would make weird remarks about how pretty I was and it gave me the creeps. My dads buddies son was the 4th person to molest me. This is something I just dealt with because I saw the way the little boys father beat him and I was scared he would kill him. He always had bruises and was way knowlegable about sex and I could tell by the things he would do to me. I would fight him kicking and screaming and my little brother would always try to jump him when he could. I would feel so dirty but a couple of people had already molested me in my life. I was afraid also because my dad always said he would kill anyone who would touch me. Eventually they moved out. My dad had become an alcoholic. My mom still took us to church and we just began being with her more and my dad was left out of the equation. His thinking became irrational. My mom was fearful of him and so were my brother and I. He would go out to bars and come home with gun shots, broken knuckles, and with bruises and blood on him. He would say he was preaching the word and someone didn't like it. He started being very mean to my mom. One time he flipped over our dinner table because she cooked something in the microwave and he expected everything to be fresh and homemade. He started using his fists to break car windshields, our french doors, and anything else that was around when he would become enraged. He started giving us spankings more often but a lot of times my mom would intervene and say she would do it because she feared he was too angry and would hurt us. He still preached the word all the while.
One day close to Christmas my mom and dad had went to his work Christmas party. We stayed home alone and when they got home they were fighting. My brother and I were in our bedroom crying as we heard my parents arguing. My dad ripped my moms beautiful red satin dress off of her and I heard things being thrown in the other room. My dad was calling my mom a whore and telling her as she ran out the front door if she took us away from him he would kill her. Often when they would fight she would take me and my brother with her over to my grandmas house. She left us there this time. We were scared wondering what would happen next. My dad gave us both a trash bag and told us to pack up some of our things and throw the bags into the back of the truck. He then drove away with us to another city close to Orlando. We weren't allowed to call our mom for a few days. When we finally could we weren't allowed to tell her where we were.
I have been feeling very sad for girls who are in porn who are strung out on drugs, their souls are lost, and they are doing unimaginable things with whoever and waking up one day and wondering where their lives went or even worse ending up dead. I have been reading gossip forums for a couple of years and I also know some of these girls that porn is destroying.
I have been in porn for 6 years and I have witnessed first hand a gorgeous womans looks fade along with her soul. It really breaks my heart. A lot of you don't know what goes on behind the scenes. You guys know I didn't do a lot of what I am speaking of because I stuck to the softer side of porn (seems weird to say that).
The thing is even girls who do the softer side of porn sometimes lose themselves. Some become strippers and a lot of girls who do the softer stuff escort. Many of the girls have been victims of abuse sometime in their lifetime and are just looking for love and acceptance (like me).
My eyes were recently opened to the total destruction porn does. Not only does it hurt the girls in the business but it hurts you the consumer. Porn does not discriminate. Sex/porn addiction is preventing many people from finding true happiness in their lives. I know because I have spoken to so many of you through the years by email and message exchanges. Many of you spoke to me about your wives, your lonlieness, your dreams, and many of you looked to me for all the answers. I always tried to be careful when answering because I always realized that you are a person just like me who wants love and acceptance. I have gone through times when the guilt was so bad I just didn't answer at all hence my many hiatuses. This will be the last time I leave all of you hanging.
Many of you know that my boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago but don't know why. I will explain some of that at a later time. Let's just say the effects of the adult business took a hit on my personal life. I have decided that I want to be free from all of the guilt now. I am making great money doing what I do but the money is not making me happy. I have moved into my own place now for the first time all alone and have decided I want out of the business. I have so much more to offer to the world than my looks and body. These things will fade. I want to experience true real life happiness.
I know a lot of you will think I have lost my mind but I think that will only be the ones of you who never really knew me. I have decided to go back to my one true love who is Jesus. You may or may not believe in him and well I am not here to judge you. I am just here to share with you my story if you are willing to listen. My website is still up for now and I have yet to discuss these things with my webmasters. I am not sure what will happen in that respect. I am looking for legal counseling and any help I can get. It will be gone soon enough though. I will be posting here on my myspace page everything going on in my life until then. I ask you to forgive me for entering into your lives and stripping you from the more important things in life like finding true love, happiness, and your families.
I cruised over to Crissy's web site and read the Club Crissy free tour:
There's nothing like variety to spice things up, and that's exactly what I deliver, month in and month out. I update several times a month with brand, spanking new content, so there's always something fresh for your viewing pleasure.
I love the thought that you're out there stroking your big cock while looking at me, so don't wait another minute...
Celeb writes: "If by chance ms. moran's reference point - in this case the bible - were to be proven mostly fable - which i believe it is - then she has to take responsibility, blame and inherent shame for the choices she made - and live with or die with them. a god you never have to actually deal with - is the perfect god - as he will never judge or scold you. And that's all these "forgiven" girls have left - because down here on earth - she's marked and she should have thought about that before that first shoot."
Crissy Moran emails:
The tour for clubcrissy.com was not made by me nor written by me but by my webmaster. I do not speak that way and if anyone has ever seen an interview or worked with me you would know that.
As for Celeb's comment: I do take complete resposibility for my choices in life. I have come out in public and asked forgiveness of my fans. God has already forgiven me and forgotten!