Home

Back to Essays



Sunday, January 8, 2006

Email Luke Archives Photos Stars Essays Search Luke Is Back.com Advertise on Lukeisback Suze Randall The Nero Prediction Jan 3

JCsGirls, XXXChurch At Show

I chat with Heather Monday afternoon.

Heather: man I was so wrecked ! I am better now
Luke: have a good show?
Heather: GREAT SHOW!
Heather: the girls were so awsome and loving to us
Heather: In was so suprized we did not get one girls that was upset with us. By the end of the weekend we had made so many friends
Heather: I got to go all the clubs as vip that was cool too.
Luke: Bill Day must've been happy
Heather: ohh man he got the best footage.
Heather: I am excited to see the articles that go up. so far just one in flesh bot
Heather: I brought the holy hottie shirts and bibles to the gay guys and the were so cute and asked for more ... then they kept coming to our booth for more bibles

Must I Stop?

I have a new favourite website. It's like crack for me. I visit everyday. I download the videos and save them to my hard drive so I can watch them over and over (and over). They make my heart race and my pulse quicken.

I didn't use to feel this way. There was a time when I was disgusted by this sort of behaviour. How could people do such a thing, I wondered? Have they no self-control?

Now I like it -- a lot!

Not that I would ever do it myself, of course. But I sure get turned on watching two men do it.

Is it really so wrong from me to enjoy these videos?

I know Dennis Prager wouldn't approve. In L-ke Ford's fascinating profile of his moral leader, we discover that when Dennis was growing up in New York City he liked to visit Madison Square Garden. And sometimes -- right in front of wee lil' Dennis -- men would start doing it! Everyone else would stand up to get a better look, but young Dennis "would stay seated to show his disapproval."

So what does My Moral Leader think? Should I stop going here?

Narcissists In Love

From the Luke Fan Blogger: According to My Moral Leader, I "must" guest blog for him during his five day "spiritual retreat" in Las Vegas.

I've been given a list of topics that I can and cannot discuss: no Kitten Natividad (of course); no Holly Randall (who?); but lots about Luke -- the hovel-dwelling, moral-leading Jewish theologian.

Yeah, sure.

I haven't been reading Luke for weeks. I needed a little break from all the self-absorption.

So, after being given my guest blogging instructions, I decided to check out the Luke Family of Blogs, including the naughty one (that I'm not allowed to mention). Perhaps, I hoped, Mr Ford has changed; perhaps he is now a more outward-focused, giving, and thoughtful human being, entering into mature, healthy relationships with other similarly well-grounded people.

Er, no.

If anything, Hovel Boy™ seems to be regressing.

Since I'm not allowed to discuss Holly Randall, I will discuss a completely different person: Rolly Handall (not her real name).

If I have the story right, Our Moral Leader started dating Rolly last Fall. Soon, Luke, a hopeless romantic, fell madly in love with the Shiksa goddess.

Luke's invisible friends [!] (i.e., the voices inside his head[!!]) convinced him that soon he'd be marrying Rolly and moving into her fabulous Malibu mansion (with its cosy book-lined study overlooking rolling hills, and horses, and a sandy beach, and the Pacific Ocean), and starting a family of ridiculously good-looking Aryan children (raised as Orthodox Jews, of course).

Too good to be true?

Afraid so.

In fact, Rolly didn't even know that Luke was her "boyfriend," and couldn't even be bothered to invite him to her parent's New Year's Eve party.

Undeterred, Our Moral Leader attends the big party. As he chats with prospective father-in-law Kumphrey Hnipe (not his real name), imparting some much needed Dennis Prageresque wisdom on the old boy, he can't help but notice his "girlfriend" throwing herself (all ho-like) at various "gentlemen," including ex-boyfriends. Eeeeewwwww!

Luke, the sensitive artiste-type, storms out of the house and races back to Hovelworld (in the Serial Killer Van), where he writes an angry email to Rolly announcing that the marriage is off and their relationship is over.

The End.

So what is the moral of this heartbreaking story of unrequited love/lust?

Is it that mixed relationships don't work? That a socially conservative, religious Jew like Our Moral Leader needs to stick with his own kind (who hate and reject and refuse to have sex with him), rather than running after a pagan princess (with whom he has been having weeks of blissful, chemically-enhanced sex)?

Hell, no!

The problem is that Luke is a narcissist, and he must be the centre of attention in a romantic relationship. His partner must play the supporting role -- financial and emotional -- paying his (modest) bills and constantly stroking his fragile ego. Rolly, alas, is also an attention hog. She even has her own interior-type blog: a tell-tale sign of NPD.

Let's be real: there can only be one superstar in a successful relationship. Around here that superstar is Luke. And don't you forget it!

........

LUKE IN VEGAS COVERING AEE/AVN: Luke is now in Vegas until Sunday, covering the AEE, and the AVN Award Show. His site is temporarily being “cared” for by XPT’s Da Burglar AND (starting Friday Evening, January 6) XPT's Pervertedly Comedic Genius WILLIE D. PERV. And again as a reminder, Luke / Duke Floored is in No Way responsible for what transpires or is posted on this site until Sunday Evening, January 8. Please forward all insults and death threats to club_da_burglar@yahoo.com, thank you for writing.

Luke will be back soon, and as my last official statement I want to say several things: The most naturally beautiful, least made up porn chick's I saw at the AEE were Hailey Young, Gia Jordan and Christie Lee. It is a common tale, that when you meet up with porn chicks in real life they are never what you see on the screen. The above three are exceptions to that rule. Further more, there will be a belated Hailey Young Interview appearing here on Luke if he gives me his permission to post it even after he takes his site back. I was unable to secure time with Hailey until now...also, Christie Lee is the coolest porn chick, hands down. Very sweet.

Da Burglar's Vegas Rants and spastic thinking, as he types on a business center computer to the tune of 20 cents a minute (which is a bargain actually)..

~~Vegas is nuts, it is what Sodom and Gomorrah would have been like if Methamphetamine had been around four thousand years ago. I arrived last last night (or early this morning) and spent the last several hours visiting old friends up and down the strip who work in the Hotel/Casino Behemoths. An interesting story which has received some coverage and which you will hear more about is that some of the larger Properties have half-seriously considered, or still are considering, actually having full-on Gentleman's clubs Right on the premises. It seems they lament the fact that a prime Gambling Demographic, Males between 25-50, Single or Married, spend considerable time OUTSIDE the Casinos at the various strip clubs in Vegas...The Gaming Properties are looking to limit that time outside their doors by finding a way to satisfy the appetite for Topless/Nude Entertainment on premises. Da Burglar, as one of the members of this demographic, is intrigued by this latest example of the devolving nature of debauchery: Consider a high roller being Comped for VIP Room Lap Dances based on his Blackjack play...a young, late 20s morally bankrupt casino pit host in a suit and tie exhorts a 48 year old bald pharmacist from Lincoln, Nebraska, "COME ON FRED! Up your bets to $500 a hand and that hot 21 year old redhead with the big boobs and 'full DSLs' you commented on before is yours for a whole HOUR..."

~~Rick Tabish was denied parole on a charge unrelated to the Ted Binion Murder...He and Sandy Murphy were convicted, then acquitted of the murder of the son of Binion's Horshoe Founder Benny Binion. Ted Binion was a known Heroin addict and member of a legendary and colorful Vegas family, but did not deserve to die the way he did. The whole Binion-Murphy-Tabish Story is emblematic of all that is bad about Vegas, and American society today...Da Burglar Highly recommends the book "Positively Fifth Street" which details the whole sordid affair, while at the same time giving EXCELLENT insight into the game of No Limit Texas Hold Em Poker.

~~Vegas may be the UNHEALTHIEST city in America...the Diet, the plentiful BOOZE, the Stress from Gambling and the non-stop adrenaline-inducing assault on the senses, the climate, the (still) ubiquitous second-hand smoke...all these things take their toll on a person's physical wellbeing. I see many of these young ladies in the Stri Clubs and even the showgirls and cocktail waitresses with their outrageously deep and thorough TANS, and I Shudder to imagine what it is doing to their skin's long term welfare. One horrific detail I myself have noticed is that, becuase the climate is so dehydrating and the diet here so poor, it is very easy to become constipated. Yes Vegas makes me, personally, full of sh*t...

~~There is a 'war' going on between the Strip Clubs of Vegas, regarding taxi cabs and limos 'referring' customers to one particular establishment, adn the kickbacks that have been afforded the drivers in the past. It had been a "Gentleman's Club Gentleman's Agreement" not to engage in such practice, but that seems to have been cast aside...more on that to follow...Da burglar suggests you always know which club you want to go to BEFORE you get in the cab.

Cheyenne Silver in Auto Accident?

Club Da Burglar Received an e-mail today from a "David H." saying that it was being reported that Cheyenne Silver was in a Serious Car Accident December 12 in Colorado, and he is asking for further details. Anyone with such info please e-mail Luke at the above link, or club_da_burglar@yahoo.com. It is times like these, during serious personal tragedy, that the porn community shows its true stripes and supports those in its ranks. Updated, today January 8. David H now says the story can be found at www.fanboyplanet.com It's a good thing he told me this because I never would have gone there....

MARY CAREY & Boyfriend Banned From Venetian

XPT's TONY MALICE Reveal's The Incident That Undoubtedly Torpedoes Mary Carey's Chances To Be Hillary Clinton's Vice Presidential Running Mate in the 2008 Presidential Election

Photos from Day #1 of the AEE/AVN Show, Courtesy Of XPT's Moderator/Photographer/Whore Gia Jordan

Da Burglar makes a mental note from these pictures from Day #1 that he needs to acquire a hat from Christie Lee

Strip Club/Vegas Experiences, and more about "Roxy"

Da Burglar apologizes to any of Luke's loyal readers who have been waiting for me to continue relating my life experiences pertaining to Adventures in Vegas (aka Sin City, aka "Skin City")...I have been in the mood to write and focus about other things lately, but as I prepare to leave in a little while for Las Vegas and AEE (I will be there by tonight, Friday 01/06), my mindset and memories drift back to that bright, shining BLACK HOLE/VORTEX in the middle of the dessert.

I will post very soon more about my experience with the beautiful, drug addicted Las Vegas escort "Roxy", whom I was friends and a client with from 1996 thru 1998. The story will pick up at the end of 1996 when she returned to Las Vegas immediately after giving birth to her second child, and continue through the time I finally lost touch with her in early 1998. My purpose in this cathartic release involving my own debauchery and loneliness is to shine the light on the skewed depictions of the city of Las Vegas' "SEX INDUSTRY WINNERS" as related in Jack Sheehan's book, SKIN CITY...it is only my opinion(s) based on my own experiences. Anyone who truly wishes to find out for themselves about Las Vegas' Sex Industry, and thus formulate an informed opinion/conclusion, should find their own drug-addicted (yet still functional and beautiful) escort and pursue their own version of a "friendship plus...." with the escort...

Strip Clubs are a whole different aspect of the Las Vegas Sex Industry, and each time I visit Vegas, I add a new experience to my cerebral library of "Gentleman's Club" Memories. I was jogged in that memory department this morning when I saw that Taylor Rain had partied last night at the strip club Treasures. Reading the account, I am reminded of how incredibly debauched these places can actually be:

Last night we partied at Treasures. Got Nate awg DRUNK and got him 3 or 4 lap dances. He got such major wood that he couldn't stand up. He sat w(i)th the last chick for 15 minutes to let the swelling die down!! But no head or hand relief, we'll keep tryin'. Jessi Summers ADMITTED she was 18 and couldn't get in!! DAMN GIRL, gots to lie about your age! Jerry from Mallcom, Anthony and Norman from Defiance, Christian from Atlas, Joey Wilson and Tony Santoro, a REALLY hot 18 year old black chick named SKYLAR DUPRI and a TON of other industry people stayed until 2/3/4 AM in the VIP area... it was an incredible night, TREASURES is the most incredible club you could ever see!!!

My own memories of strip clubs are, like any life experience, unique to my perspective and personality. But the common denominator is that like all aspects of "Sin City"/"Skin City" and in particular its Sex Industry as a whole, Strip Clubs are rife with all forms of Human Weakness, and make a VIRTUE out of catering to every VICE men and women have...booze, sex/lust, money, loneliness, insecurity, and (unfortunately) drugs. I actually find it amusing that, in the vast majority of my visits to strip clubs, at some point during my vist, some female performer/dancer will inquire with varying degrees of tact or subtlety as to whether or not I have any "good pills" (i.e. prescribed drugs, typically painkillers.) The reason they ask is obvious due to my presence in a wheelchair...but the point is driven home that, for both customers and employees, strip clubs can be dens of iniquity that temporarily satisfy, but ultimately exploit the weaknesses of both customer and dancer.

What does ELI CROSS have against our fearless Moral Leader?

On AdultFyi, ELY CROSS asserts that Luke has no insight into the Adult Industry. He states in an article about KSEX re-runz airing this week due to AEE:

Porn Valley- Because of AEE, KSEX was aiting a bunch of reruns Wednesday night. One of those shows was a Kylie Ireland program that broadcast after the recent KSEX awards. Georgia Peach was a guest on that program. Ireland made mention that she won the KSEX award for Best Insight into the adult biz. "I heard that your award got presented to you by the person with absolutely zero insight into the adult industry," said co-host Eli Cross. "I will not speak his name at all. [Ireland's award was presented by Duke from lukeisback.com.] "Suffice to say if he were on fire on the side of the road I could not spare the urine to put him out," said Cross. "So I'm glad we were not here."

The Full Article Including the delectable Georgia Peach Interview here

Da Burglar comments on this petulant swipe by ELY at the sole remaining individual in porn with a 'soul': "To say someone like Luke/Duke doesn't have insight into the porn world is actually a compliment. Plumbers have lots of 'insight' with regards to septic and sewage issues...If someone accuses me of having no insight into the world of plumbing, well I am not going to be offended by that, I actually am grateful. Yet I certainly can write and comment about plumbing, and if I was asked to present an award for plumber of the year, I would not feel unqualified. Today's Porn is similar to modern plumbing, with its vaginal and anal gapes resembling drains; cum swallowing and cumfarting scenes being analagous to disposal units and commodes; and off course extreme aspects of porn scenes like enema preparations (unclogging) and other bodily functions all bring to mind the appropriateness of Kylie Ireland being presented an award by "Duke."

The Most Evil Woman in the World...Da Burglar's Morning Rant

...I hate waking up to stories like this, which I originally found at AdultFyi.com...post your thoughts and comments about this woman on the thread at the above XPT link. This woman's example of abject selfish inhumanity is just so compelling for its sordidness, I had to post about it...I am waiting for the day that Harvard's Genetic Sciences Research Department identifies the human gene responsible for having a conscience, so that women like this "prize" can be effectively treated and put back into society as a sex worker for Iraq Veterans, instead of costing society millions of dollars in legal and logistical expenses of incarceration/analysis/execution.

Kara Bare Attempts Suicide

Here is Kara Bare's Myspace profile.

Leanna Lei's Website is Hijacked by Ex-Husband?

Luke received the following e-mail Yesterday, January 4 at 6 pm:

Hi, Luke! I just wondered what your thoughts were on the current Leanni Lei news, i.e. the apparent hi-jacking of her web-site by her ex-husband, who was also the web-master and co-administrator of the site. He seems to have unilaterally closed www.myleanni.com, but not before taking the time to issue a cover letter to all members berating Leanni's moral character. Strangely, he seems to be simultaneously trumpeting (to any interested parties) his ex-wife's move into the professional escorting business. Do you know what's really happening with Leanni? THANKS!

Do Adult Talent Agencies Receive Commissions from Referring Porn Starlets to Escorting Services?

With the continued growth in Pornography, both in sales and popularity, the demand for private encounters with Adult Starlets is growing rapidly as well. This is the expected, logical extension of the business in general, as the "fantasy" that is packaged and sold through pornographic films is taken and delivered at its highest level. The amount of money that a porn starlet can charge for escorting is significantly higher than what 'non-porn' escorts typically get, so there is, theoretically, a compelling business reason for adult agencies to engage in this type of activity.

Tiffany Taylor

Luke recently ran a story culled from a thread from The Erotic Review in which he reported that Tiffany Taylor was Escorting. However, this apparently is not the case, as reported on www.lukeford.com:

The story of Tiffany Taylor available for escorting was reported on Lukeisback, as he pulled a thread from The Erotic Review.... So, I placed some calls to Tiff, but she couldn't understand my bark!! So I emailed her. She assures me she's not escorting and besides that she has no desire to have sex with me, apparently she has something against Pitbulls!!!

Dave at mypornoreview writes: "I know a person that booked her! That [woman] just wants to deny the story so no one knows she's hooking."

Does Your Cellular Phone Service Package Cover Damage Due To E-coli Infection?

Joseph, from TUNACAN Studios in NYC, a up and coming adult film company, recently wrote Da Burglar on myspace telling him how, during this year's AEE show in Vegas, all Joseph's cell phone calls will be forwarded to his blackberry due to his cellphone contracting an E-coli infection during filming of a cutting edge g/g scene for their dvd series The Dildo Mafia. The scene involved Lexi Bardot and Julia Bond, where Lexi Bardot had a (properly covered and protected with condoms) cell phone inserted into her rectum. During the scene calls were placed to the cellphone’s number producing a vibrating sensation theoretically intended to increase Lexi’s pleasure during the scene. After the scene’s conclusion, the phone was retrieved and cleaned up. However, I quote what Joseph noticed:

"...when it was all said and done, i am sitting here with all my calls being forwarded to my Blackberry as the cellphone clearly smelled of something that it did not smell of when new. I am pretty bummed because it was a pretty cool phone that i picked up in Asia and it was pretty expensive. Oh well, next time we will use Boost Mobile disposables instead."

Da Burglar strongly advises all Female Talent in the Adult Industry to update their Cellular Packages accordingly in light of this cautionary tale from Tunacan Studios.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A PARENT'S PORN STASH IS DISCOVERED?

Willie D writes Da Burglar: "My father calls me yesterday and asks me to come over becasue he's coming down with the flu. No problem, he's getting up in years, gotta make sure things are OK. He asks me to get a robe out of his closet to wear. As I search, I'm mortified by what stares me in the face: Dad's porn stash. Understand, Dad comes off as the most sexually repressed person in the world. There was no stack of Playboys for my friends and me to oogle when I was growing up...we always had to go to some other cool dad's house for that fix. But here staring me in the face is a stack of DVDs (at least he's technologically trendy) that I must contront. My brain is quickly metling down as I try and connect these very disparate concepts of my dad watching porn on a PC I bought him for Christmas last year, and the guy who never bothered to sit me down for that "birds & bees" talk. And he wonders why I am such a degenerate sometimes.

To Pop's credit, most of it is high quality and watchable...early 1990s and late 1980s Vivid stuff. Even a few trips back into the early 1970s with John Holmes, Leslie Bovee and Aunt Peg. In a effort to bring him into the porn of today, I was forced to "borrow" his Nikki Dial compilation, and replace it with "ATM City." Being a retired banker, I know he'll enjoy that one. So Mr. Steve Hirsch, guess I owe you some thanks for helping my old pop...errr...Dad to not be such a crusty fart all the time.

F.J. Lincoln Honored for “Making Porn, Not War”

Fred Lincoln Will Be Honored At Legends of Erotica in Las Vegas The annual event will be held in Las Vegas on Friday at Show Girls. Lincoln got his start in porn in the 60's acting in scenes and moved into directing in the 1970s. "I used to do TV shows and talk about the business [porn]. One time I was on Tom Snyder and I asked why is it cool to kill and not cool to have sex? They wouldn't air the show because it was too controversial."

Danielle Derek has ASS implants?

Dave at mypornoreview.com writes on XPT: "I have seen a lot of Dr. 90210 and Plastic Surgery: Before & After on Discovery Health and I can tell you undoubtedly that newcomer Danielle Derek has ass implants. She has these huge fake tits and this unusually high ass on top of a very very very thin frame. No one has an ass like that being that frail thin! See for yourself…"**

**Da Burglar Adds: Luke arrived Safely in Vegas a little while ago, and he wanted me to inform his readers that, according to a "reliable source", the story of the ass implants is NOT TRUE...now whether that means Luke himself inspected the ass in question he did not specify, but I am sure he will provide that detail, along with a picture or two, when he returns**

Mason writes: "She works for a couple of escort agencies in NY. I booked her and she is a lot fun. She definitely has ass implants. "

Who's Tiffany Rayne?

I was checking out the 20-year old's MySpace page, where she wrote:

I travel from Cali to NJ. I miss my Jersey loves sooo much when I'm gone. I def don't miss the haters but I still LOVE their attention =) THANKS I LOVE U 2, except ur not on my mind as much as I'm on urs* haha sorry. I'm sooo nice that it scares people. I'm def not fake, I tell it how it is ~ in a niiiice way of course. I love guys from Brooklyn.. something about them is SEXY! Guido boyssss- I miss u guys when I'm in Cali! How come there are NO Italian guys in LA?? I can always tell when a person is being fake ..and most of the time I play along for my own entertainment. But like ALWAYS people like that will bore me n I will forget about them =) Its very hard to find a person who is honest n doesnt try 2 change who u are or who they r to make u like them. PEOPLE JUST B REAL! .. and I have just love for everyone, i dont waste my time being jealous or hating.. more people will be much more happy with themselves if they just let s--- go. N to people who comment me, message me, and try to be my friend- I'm always on my sidekick so its very hard to get back to you but thanx to those who supported me n been there 4 me I LOVE U! ....and I love slurpees and big houses. and i also love my ass ..and u should 2!

i tend to bring out the real in people, if not then i wont talk to them. its boring when a guy brings up other guys or fishes for compliments. if someone just does wat i say then everything will b perfect =) hah and some people think its being a pussy.. but its not. bc i dont want to make my life difficult so y would i deal with a difficult person? just do wat i say, when i say it n we'll both be happy. and a "hot" guy can only be so hot on the outside.. its really hard to find a person who u can take serious n have a normal conversation with n get along with.. in the end people just create their own drama n ruin it. i usually let that whole drama thing last for a week for my enjoyment then get bored of it. and i dont need attention 24/7 if u give me it when i need it. im so busy that i dont have time to call a guy everyday n he would need to understand that n trust that. but insecurities always seem to come out. most important a guy has to be reallllly funny n make me smilleeee =)))) bc thats the BEST! ..but ill talk to anyone who is interesting, even if i only talk to someone once ill learn something from them.

Tiffany advertises herself as "free of guilt, full of pleasure."

She's managed by Redd Rose.

Models And French Kissing

Warthorne writes on Holly's chatboard on Suze.net: "I have noticed that the female models do not do much french kissing in the hardcore photo shoots --- is this because it messes up the makeup or because the girls do not like to do that? (I find french kissing closeups very erotic)."

Holly replies: "It's usually a makeup thing-- for the stills they try not to muss everything up, but they usually get into in the video. We do try to shoot some real French kissing, and I'll push for more, because I do agree with you that it's hot."

Kylie Ireland Quit Platinum X

Pugz writes: "Kylie Ireland also quit Platinum X a few weeks back. Just fed up I guess. She's kept it quiet looking at her options. Brandon Iron and Jewel DeNyle are also thinking about jumping ship."

But Jewel's parents run Platinum X?

'Stop Writing About Holly'

I call my friend "Joe" Tuesday afternoon.

Joe: "I'm hearing nothing. I've never seen a tradeshow where people are not even talking about going. It's eery. I'm sure there will be a lot of newbies and surfers and lookieloos. At least they'll all be on the video side.

"My girl's never been to Vegas so she's excited. She's just turned 21.

"You are the most self-destructive person I know. You had a good thing going with Holly and you blew it."

Luke: "If you were in my shoes at the beginning of the new year, how would you have reacted?"

Joe: "I know exactly what happened. I would've done the same thing as you -- walked out the door.

"I agree with the person who said that she was trying to tell you that this is what she's all about. She likes attention because she's a chick. She felt good in her atmosphere in her home surrounded by people who love her and pay attention to her. She felt more comfortable than she would've been at another party. But I would've left like you did.

"I would chalk up her actions to being drunk. You invited yourself to the party. She didn't send you a special invite and say, 'I want to see you on New Year's.' You set yourself up for failure. I can empathize with you."

Luke: "Every guy I've spoken to can empathize with what it's like to be toyed with by a girl and her ex's."

Joe: "Every guy has had a crush on somebody and thought it was more than it was. Chicks are the worse. They love attention so much. They always want that person they can talk to. When they screw up, they keep running back to you because they need that constant adoration. They know that a person like you and I are going to tell them how great they are. That's what they want to hear at the end of the day, even if they don't want to f--- you.

"But you can't be somebody's whipping boy."

Luke: "I asked her, if we were to do the evening all over, what would you do differently? She said she would not kiss that guy in front of me. I said, ok, we've reached the end of the road."

Joe: "Yeah, that's the wrong answer. I'm sorry it didn't work out but you knew the odds were stacked against you from the get-go. It would never have worked because of all the industry pressure. And those other dudes are right about the Jewish angle. Holly Randall is never going to marry a Jew, even though you are as WASPy as they come. You are an Aryan.

"Don't be bitter. You're over it. Let it go. If you ever want to date anyone in the business, you better stop writing about Holly, or they're gonna look at that and think you're going to trash them when you break-up. But hey, Howard Stern made a living doing this with his wife forever, so...

"Who's your ride to Vegas?"

Luke: "A reader. I've never met the guy."

Joe: "Are you sure he's going to take you and it's not a joke? Are you sure you won't end up in Boyle Heights? You've got to be careful. It could be Eddie Wedelstedt showing up in a jeep and take you out to the desert and bury you in a hole.

"Scott Fayner will be picking you up at what time?"

Luke: "Four twenty."

Joe: "The Little River Band came on in my car today and I thought, this has to be somebody that Luke likes as well. 'Hang on, help is on its way.'

"I finally realize why you like that music? Because you only get AM radio in your hovel."

Luke: "I like it because I'm a hopeless romantic."

Joe: "Amber's right -- you're a fag. Dallas Cowboys and Air Supply means fag. You never had a chance for Holly, forget that her father is an author who wears horn-rimmed glasses."

Luke: "Holly's parents like me."

Joe: "Well, yeah. Listen. I went to my girlfriend's grandparents trailerhome for Christmas and they claimed to like me as well. At the end of the day, I'm still a Christ-killer coming for Christmas dinner. I'm still a Christ-killer with my head hanging over a rack of ham.

"My shiksa learned the blessings to the prayers. There's nothing cuter than seeing her say, 'Baruch atah adonai...' She woke up singing it yesterday. Would Holly do the brachas (blessings) for you?

"She's a nice girl. It was doomed from the start.

"You should ask what was good about the relationship that you want to keep? But no, you must burn the house down. Too many painful memories within those walls.

"How did it go with her webmistress Amber? She must've wanted to kill you."

Luke: "She was very nice and very friendly."

2Cums writes on XPT about The Break-Up Song: "I hope Luke and Holly continue their relationship. She is bringing out the best writing of his in awhile. Its full of emotions ranging from betrayal, happiness, rage and jealousy. At 39, Luke has been around the block a time or two but Holly seems to toy with him like a teenager. No matter whom Holly ends up with in life, I think she will always be the one wearing the pants in the relationship. Chaim is hillarious. Luke, it's not over till the Katja sings."

Jane writes: "You should stop writing about Holly. It's starting to make you look unstable!"