Despite the assurances of the friendly pastor, I anticipated an emotionally disturbed, anti-
porn religious crusade of absurd, Jerry Springer-like proportions.
In preparation I had carefully forged my own personal sword and shield of honor,
prepared to wield it in self-defense with all the necessary gusto and deft expertise I
could muster within the confines of the Church sponsored Sex (or anti-sex?) Forum in
downtown Long Beach, California.
After all, the notion that I may be, in certain peoples’ minds, satanically standing
amongst demon dwellers, against deific disciples armed with the pristine principles and
words of God, himself, seemed a daunting task, indeed.
My weapon was of mind, sharpened from experience (or so I stupidly thought),
isolated reflection, prepared by writing (as the keyboard is mightier then the sword),
isolated reflection, prepared by writing (as the keyboard is mightier then the sword),
thinking and pseudo-academic readings. My shield was a solid earthly and defensive stance,
a course exterior calm in the face of harsh winds, and an astrology chart almost devoid
of water signs, which alloyed with emotions hard as steel, indicative of my adopted name.
After all, it wasn’t as if I hadn’t been long since familiar with the onslaughts of malicious
and careless attackers within my very own porn "community". Thankfully, I had been
given the invaluable priviledge of many years of advanced practice deflecting attacks
and returning thrusts and hacks. I felt I was ready for battle and to "get it on".
In comparison to myself, however my girlfriend and righteous partner, fighting for her
own holy cause (that being of gaining true recognition in the mock faces of God), prepared
simply by not preparing at all, convinced that her extemporaneous expressions would
suffice within the gazes of judgmental eyes and predisposed minds.
But, to my surprise, instead of a "take no prisoners" clash it turned out the forum
I was all geared up for was like a peaceful, pleasant, friendly, enjoyable and
I was all geared up for was like a peaceful, pleasant, friendly, enjoyable and
conversational picnic. Under beaming lights, instead of suffering under hot lamps
of interrogation we instead radiated as if outdoors, under a happy, warm sun, on a vast
beautiful field. In reality, though, we were just instead the Long Beach Art Theater.
It was as if I was a baton-weilding, black-shielded, imperial storm-trooper geared
SWAT soldier on horseback amongst hand holding, flower wearing anti-war protestors
and lovers. Quickly and happily, though, I adapted.
The notes and thoughts I’d written, the additional academic books philosophing on the
subject of porn which I was cramming for the last minute (reminding me of the old
CSULB days, nearby), seemed, if for the moment, at least, to be for naught. Those
mock and surprisingly hostile debates I had over the phones with strange friends of mine,
telling me I was a heathen going to hell had seemingly made me feel over-qualified
and possibly over-amped for the evening’s easy going but fruitful event.
In fact, I had even brought with me my own copy of a bible once retrieved
from a hotel, with many underlined pornographic-sounding phrases from the good Old
Testament’s "Songs of Solomon" section (Indeed, it seems those old Rabbis
might have had a robust sexual appetite). But it looked like I would not have the
opportunity to read some passages to the audience, as their dubiously devout
and secretly perverted preacher.
"Oh well", I thought to myself. "Maybe for another time, another lecture".
I was handed the questionaire which I was already familiar with; 10 questions I didn’t need much
time to think about. Then I was told that these questions would likely comprise about 2/3rds
of the planned 90 minutes we were to, from behind a long table, sit and speak on stage about.
of the planned 90 minutes we were to, from behind a long table, sit and speak on stage about.
Already, it started like the anticipated game of hardball might be more like an underhanded
softball exhibit.
Spread out amongst the sizable theater I noticed what looked to be a majority of females
versus males. No sense of hostilities, anywheres, either.
The closest one to seeming hostile was the girl sitting at the opposite end of me, though
she didn’t seem generally hostile, at all; a girl who simply addressed herself as
"Amanda". Sitting next to her was Brandon Kelly (you may know him better for his
"Amanda". Sitting next to her was Brandon Kelly (you may know him better for his
"artist formerly known as" porn name). Sitting next to him and in the middle were
the two chuch guys (cool dudes, actually, and not looking stereotypically Christian,
either.); then Lucky sitting besides them, and then me.
Amanda started off with an introduction, saying she’s done some porn, escorting and
dancing, then quickly detouring into the subject of how a friend she knew was an escort
but ended up getting murdered by one of her tricks.
This to me seemed more an indictment against the still illegal world of escorting than
the still legal "art" of pornography. I didn’t ascertain what this one horror experience of
her friends had to do with the entire porn industry.
Regardless, it turned out the whole forum was a positive, relaxed, fun, friendly, informative
and entertaining discussion, including a few hearty, good laughs from the audience and a
lot of audience participation (questioning that is) after the initial discussion.
The biggest laugh occurred after Lucky spoke of how work is just work and that there are no
jealousy or infidelity issues between her and me, as a couple. Following that, I declared
that "the only pussies I’ve played with off set have been my cats".
Other laughs included several things Brandon had said, with his laid back
demeanor the entire time. As far as his position for or against the porn industry, his attitude
pretty much seemed "neither here nor there". He did mention, without specifying, that
he had some bad experiences and left the business for his own personal reasons, but as for his
overall verdict he didn’t seem to have any qualms with the industry itself other than the fact
overall verdict he didn’t seem to have any qualms with the industry itself other than the fact
that a lot of people can talk shit about others and skew versions of events.
Another funny moment was when I spoke in defense of porn and how it releases endorphins
Another funny moment was when I spoke in defense of porn and how it releases endorphins
which cause euphoria and kill pain. I also noted it could be addictive, especially for
people who might be depressed. Other activities which release endorphins in the body
are exercise and laughter. Then I suggested that perhaps the best porn to make would be
one that starts off as an excercise video, then segueways to a stand-up comedy routine, then
ends with a boy/girl sex scene. Then I asked if anyone out there is interested in shooting this
to let me know. Yes it’s true folks; I fart out million-dollar ideas for breakfast.
Lucky was a unigue and valuable part of the forum. She stated that she attends church
on Sundays. Although she may or may not share any particular beliefs or literal
interpretations with some religious people, she always finds her special space and time to
provide a place of peace, power and magic, even. In fact she’s prayed for me a few times
and it’s coincidentally seemed to help. But enough of that…
To clarify a couple of things in Mark Kearnes AVN write-up, Lucky’s experience on a
commercial when she prayed for a sign was in regards to whether or not she should
continue in porn or just pursue mainstream. She already had been working in porn and had
the stage name "Lucky Starr" when she was handed a book as a prop which read
"My Lucky Star".
Another clarification: regarding my experience on the set of a porno as an extra at age 22;
I was not told at first that it was a porn I was in and the reason I was a bit standoffish had
a lot to do with the fact that I had just been recently taft-hartley’d on a movie and attained
SAG-eligable status, so I was under the naive impression that I was fast on my way to
becoming the next mainstream Tom Cruise. Maybe I should’ve pondered instead that I
was closer to only being "Tom ‘loose’ Screws", though I still I had reasons for believing
in myself.
After the forum was over and seeing the happiness level of the audience, experiencing
their hellos, introductions and expressions of appreciation made me conclude that the
experience was better than sex.
The one clear antagonist panel member left early after the forum’s conclusion. The rest of hung
around, sharing sentiments of appreciation, conversation and additional questions.
around, sharing sentiments of appreciation, conversation and additional questions.
We all left satisfied, as if we particpated in the most magical and divine orgy. I waved and said
"bye" to everyone in the audience who were still hanging out inside and outside the theatre, we each thanked each other for being there and wished each other well.
Good Times!
well written, Jeremy – but I’m thinking you should steer clear of any comparisons to Tom Cruise! 🙂
Glad to see people don’t have to fall neatly into pre-conceived party lines with no room for discussion at these seminars
Thanks Jag, well, people used to tell me that years back. Recently I was asked if I was available to be his body double, as well. Also, years back I was a movie extra on a Nicole Kidman flick and I was walking around and she saw me from afar, stopped in her tracks and started staring me down as I approached her. It seemed to me she thought I was him. Once I got within range she then turned away.
‘Nuff said…
Also, I meant to say “the illegal world of prostitution”, not escorting. We all know escorting is legal and has nothing to do with prostitution. ;P
Also, I should’ve added I should’ve sooner thought I was the next “Tom Scruise”(screws).
Good read, and by the way, today is September 11, Jeremy’s birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY STEELE.
By the way, Brendan Kelly is the porn artist formerly known as Domenic Kane.
I spoke with the Pastor the other night. Hopefully there will be more of these forums in the future. I think the first one was awesome and the mutual goal is for the next ones to be better. I’m thinking we might up the ante a little bit, allow more audience participation next time, since there was so much interest and positive feedback. A lot of people said they need more. Mark Kearns AVN article said “At Last”. Why not? Stay tuned… … …. More debate next time… A debate of and for the 21st century… and leave the Jerry Springer shit behind…
Sorry I missed your birthday Steele. Congrats man.
…But I think you would be a MUCH better writer if you cut down on the metaphors (many of them mixed) and disjointed phrasing.
Ex:
“My shield was a solid earthly and defensive stance,
a course exterior calm in the face of harsh winds, and an astrology chart almost devoid
of water signs, which alloyed with emotions hard as steel, indicative of my adopted name.”
First of all, that’s not a sentence and its poorly punctuated. What do you mean by a “solid earthly and defensive stance”? What is “a course exterior calm”? Did you mean, “a coarse exterior calm”? What does that mean? Don’t use terms as metaphors that don’t succinctly describe what you are trying to say. Its okay to include obscure allusions but you need to make sure the people who “get” your references can easily visualize what you are talking about. Also don’t use equivocal language and add filler words to make your piece sound more elegant. For example: “an astrology chart ALMOST devoid
of water signs”. The fuck you mean “ALMOST DEVOID”?! Devoid is a specific word that implies TOTALLY (FUNDAMENTALLY) lacking in a substance but you said the chart was “almost devoid”. Well how many water signs are on the damn chart? Again, this is an unclear metaphor. Could you have said “an astrology chart with just a few scattered water signs”?…
Moreover, all those metaphors you included in the above passage are unnecessary because they describe ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in relation to your emotional state before the forum. You never relay all those metaphors with what your actual feeling were. You simply are describing a visualization, which may be a metaphor in itself for how you were feeling, but you don’t give us any translation.
Also, you need a proof-reader. This piece has a lot of grammatical mistakes–like on a Sophia level.
Well, Happy Birthday Steele. Sorry I had to bring you back to freshman Comp. No worries?
Thanks origin, I meant “coarse exterior” as in not delicate, possibly vulgar and/or not refined, there should have been a comma after the word exterior, before the words, “calm in the face of…”
“almost devoid” meant i only have neptune in scorpio in my chart, 11th house- my only water sign…
sometimes i’m sloppy with my grammar, sorry…