In a stunning string of developments, the family-friendly adult movie Not the Bradys XXX Marcia Marcia Marcia won the 2010 XBiz Award for Best Parody edging out Not the Cosbys XXX prompting a thrilled yet heavy-hearted director Will Ryder who just moments earlier had been named the 2010 XBiz People’s Choice Porn Director of the Year to announce he is leaving porn to pursue a career as a hip-hop rapper.
“There were too many different categories this year for Director of the Year and I couldn’t process it all. I mean there was director of the year body-of-work, director of the year individual project and a porn director of the year people’s choice so rather than try to figure it all out I decided I just couldn’t take it anymore I have to get out of this business,” Ryder exclaimed as he sipped on a gin & juice at the brand new W Hotel in Hollywood three days after the glorious XBiz Awards took place at a jam-packed Avalon Theater.
Although he did win the coveted XBiz People’s Choice directing award, Ryder was stunned when the dashingly handsome Axel Braun was named the XBiz Director of the Year (body-of-work) instead of himself and realized at that moment that maybe creating clever, critically acclaimed blockbuster movies such as Not the Cosbys XXX, Not Married with Children XXX, Not Three’s Company XXX, Not Bewitched XXX, Not the Bradys XXX Pussy Power, Not Monday Night Football, Flight Attendants, Not Airplane XXX and the upcoming Not Charlie’s Angels XXX which have sparked a parody revolution among the entire adult movie industry, that it might be time to follow another calling.
“At the XBiz Awards I met west coast rapper Mack 10 in the dressing room and that’s when it hit me,” Ryder said. “I needed to rap. Anybody can make porn parodies but how many porn parody directors can rap? Ryder asked before busting out eight bars of gangsta rap mixed with Brady Bunch lyrics.
“He’s really an excellent rapper,” stated Hustler Video’s creative director Drew Rosenfeld. “For a white guy he can really spit but we’re devastated because we’re really going to miss him here at Hustler and I don’t want to be the messenger who has to break the bad news to Larry Flynt.”
“I’m stunned, just utterly stunned,” stated Axel Braun as he applied another coating of Armor All to his shiny XBiz body-of-work glass trophy. Braun later wrote on lukeisback.com, “I believe we all owe a debt of gratitude to Will Ryder, whom I personally admire and respect. Much like John Stagliano did by inventing gonzo in the 90’s, Will has accomplished something extraordinary by starting the parody genre: he revolutionized the Adult Industry.”
“Wow he said that?” rejoiced Ryder in a tone much like a school girl would react to during a chance meeting with Justin Bieber. Ryder was shopping for new hip-hop clothes down at the Slauson Flea Market in the former South Central when he offered the final straw as a reason for his leaving porn. “Mack 10 told me I can be anything I want to be,” Ryder offered.
“I never told hat fool he could be a rapper!” Mack Ten exclaimed. “I told him that porn was where the money was but uh… that was before I heard about tube sites.”
By winning the XBiz Award for Best Parody Release, Not the Bradys XXX Marcia Marcia Marcia further cemented the popular Brady Bunch spoof series as the second greatest franchise in porn history and etched the name of Will Ryder into the history books.
“Too bad they didn’t etch it into that damn XBiz body-of-work trophy,” stated X-Play co-producer Scott David. “Maybe just maybe, if XBiz would have followed AVN, CAVR, XCritic, NightMoves, Rogreviews and all the others, we might have been able to spare ourselves from another white rapper.”
“I want to throw a shout-out to our wonderful cast and crew along with Hustler and Adam & Eve Pictures for a fantastic ride and I’d also like to thank Eminem and Vanilla Ice for leading the way” Ryder concluded.
Will Ryder’s debut rap CD is not expected to come out until later this year but it will be available for free on a number of file sharing sites before it actually is in stores. Fans of the 2010 AVN Director of the Year can get all of his award-winning porn hits in stores now and on Adult DVD Empire and TLA Raw.
For video trailers and everything Will Ryder & X-Play check out www.sitcums.com
Pictured in photo attached is Will Ryder with his mentor Mack 10
Will, let be the first to wish you all the luck in the world! You an Joaquin Phoenix should do a remix together! 🙂
Aren’t you a little too successful in this business and a little too white to be starting such an endeavor at this point? lol
Instead of giving up on the business due to the horseshit practices of the 2 mainstream porn media outlets, you just keep producing great projects for the fans?
Your tongue in cheek press release is awesome and if it were to be for real I would aplaud you on your selflessness and your willingness to be completely vulnerable to the throngs of your fans who would crucify you for leaving them parody-less!
All the best!
xoxo
Mariah Milano
I know this 1/2 white, 1/2 asian guy who wants to be a rapper. He calls himself “Vanilla Rice”.
ha ha ho ho (I just made that up)
I tried to read this but only made it through a few sentences because it was lame.
We have enought phony bullshit in this world, why waste time with this horseshit? What’s next, a story on Santa Claus visting Will Ryders house?
We’ve got soldiers on the offensive in Afghanistan, and Will wants to write silly press releases about being a rapper.
Yeah, I know your trying to funny but it isnt so quit it…..and stick to the spoofs.
Lets leave on a positive note:
I recently purchased “Not the Bradys” used DVD for $7.99 at 20/20 video in Hollywood.
I thought it was excellent, damn good stuff.
Happy Presidents Day
I heard Will Ryder will be rapping under the name “Barely White.” lol
Dont worry everyone, Jeff Mullen will be taking over Will’s work. Mark, you need to improve your act before taking it out on the road. Maybe you and Donkey can do an act together.