Naughty America Begins Nationwide Search For Next President
SAN DIEGO — Get ready, America. This fall, the United States will elect a new President: the President of Naughty America.
It’s time to put democracy in action.
This new President will rally and represent Naughty Americans everywhere. His or her official duties will include a monthly address to the country, selecting naughty appointees, and assuming the role as leader and role model for the citizens of Naughty America. (NL-I’m certainly a role model in the adult community, wouldn’t you agree?)
The President will be given a $10,000 per month salary and receive the perks of a top-level executive, living rent-free in a plush residence in the Hollywood Hills. (NL-Then i could devote more time to LIB instead of having to have a paying job to support it!)
Any man or woman residing in the United States, over the age of eighteen, is eligible to run. To declare candidacy, individuals must register at www.naughtypresident.com. (NL-So should I register?)
“This isn’t North Korea or Iran. Anyone over the age of 18 can become President,” said Steve Thomas, Naughty America’s spokesperson. “So we want to see people from all corners of our country throw their hat in the ring.”
The road to the Presidency will require effort and determination.
Candidates will campaign for four months, beginning July 3rd, up until election day on November 3rd. The candidate with the most nationwide support wins.
The new President will get right to work, taking office in late November and serving a six-month term.
“The position isn’t for everyone,” stated Thomas. “It’s really for someone with a deep appreciation for naughtiness, as well as the values of our country.”
All major print outlets have begun notifying their readers regarding the election. Look for notice in the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and the Washington Post, among others.
Please contact Steve Thomas at pr@naughtypresident.com or (619) 237-5014 with any questions or suggestions for possible candidates. (NL-You guys want to suggest me, and show them that I have support?)
NL-I guess my most important questions for the company would be, do I have the ability to FIRE people? lol
Just what the world needs, another President;) It still remains to be seen if we’re ready for a woman in such a role, darlin. I’d prefer to have you as my Vice next time around, going down in my oval office when I need you. It doesn’t have to be a mystery what the Vice does either, that’s a valuable position(s) as I see it.
President Ahmadinejad, are you going to finally give those votes back to Iranian people or not?
P.S: I was wondering if this is you:
Will that President have the executive power to ban Trannyfucker for future NA productions? I will vote for him.
Just watch, the Trannyfucker will be the President of NA, free AZT for everyone! Cindi would be fine, how bout Shelley Lubben, or of course our little man, Steele.
Can we get Trannyfucker in the ballot and get him elected? That would be fun.
No Colonel, I’m much too fair-skinned to to hang out in a desert. Here’s one for you though that seemed appropo…There was a President Carter once, wasn’t there?;)
I liked it Mr. President, you’re cool, man. But I was expecting something more dramatic, like for instance The Colonel Kurtz’s monologue about the horror:
‘I’ve seen the horror. Horrors that you’ve seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that, but you have no right to judge me . It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies t o be feared. They are truly enemies.’
I’m sure you know the rest.
will the real president please stand up,please stand up!
I was going to Colonel but I couldn’t resist the one that I posted. The Heart of Darkness material is timeless and transcends well to many facets of this world, you got it.
Mr. President, I salute you. I like smart, well educated people like you and I know I’ll enjoy chatting with you. Keep up the good work.
Ah, love in the Belgian Congo*
I’m getting the idea for a new porn parody…
My apologies again. I don’t wish anyone including the colonel any bad wishes. I’m upset at his comments, and I retract any bad words on my behalf.
Please boredfan, we all have acted like you when we first meet The Colonel. Once you get to know him thought, he has a warm creamy center!
Belgian Congo, I like that. I think my new friend President Ahmadinejad likes that, too. Only if he could give those votes back to poor Iranians.
And Boredfan, you don’t bother me, rest assured you can’t. So you better behave more mature and be more reasonable for your own good.
Kurtz: “the whore, the whore…”
Happy 4th of July everybody!
Brando’s portrayal of Joseph Conrad’s Colonel Kurtz, his last great performance. May his soul rest in peace.
Happy 4th of July everybody, though across the United States many cities are too broke to throw a firework party. Speaking of the end times: Apocalypse Now.
Colonel can I vote for you for President?
There’s my title: “A Cock to Lick Now”
Cha-ching!
Brando’s son said Brando and Michael Jackson used to hang around at Neverland and watch TV. That would’ve been the greatest reality show ever.
Colonel, how about Brando in a gingham dress and bonnet in “The Missouri Breaks”? One of the greatest cross-dressing roles, ever! The man had range.
Kay dear, I’m comfortable with being Mr. Colonel, and I vote for my new friend Mr. Ahmadinejad. Even if he doesn’t really win, we can still rig the election and get him in.
And Third Axis, Brando and Nicholson were great in The Missouri Breaks. Another one of his brilliant performances in the 70’s was in The Last Tango In Paris. Remember the scene he ass fucked Maria Schneider on the floor? Man, he just nailed it. I love that movie.
Paul (Marlon Brando) to Jeanne (Maria Schneider): You are my ha-penis.
Oh, yeah. My vote for “Best Use of Butter in a Motion Picture.” (;^P
Must mention the brilliant work by dir. Bernardo Bertolucci and cinematographer Vittorio Storaro on Last Tango – they elevated erotica to an entirely new level on that film (and Brando/Schneider as well).
Good call, my friend*
Third Axis, you’re absolutely right, brother. Bernardo Bertolucci and Vittorio Storaro’s efforts on The Last Tango In Paris must be mentioned. In later years, Bertolucci tried to create something similar to The Last Tango In Paris, but he couldn’t. His latest movie was The Dreamers, about A young American studying in Paris in 1968 who strikes up a friendship with a French brother and sister. The story was set against the background of the 68 Paris student riots to give the movie a more radical vibe; but it just didn’t work.
One of the most interesting erotic dramas I’ve seen in the recent years, is 9 Songs directed by Michael Winterbottom. The sex scenes are too explicit they’re almost pornographic, but everything works within the context of the movie.
now that the thread has turned into a topic about movies, colonel awhile back you and i and some of the other regulars were taliking about sci-fi. were you ever a planet of the apes fan.
Jerry, I loved the original Planet of the Apes, didn’t care too much about the sequels and certainly didn’t like Tim Burton’s re-make.
The original Planet of the Apes was one of the greatest sc-fi movies starring Charlton Heston, along with The Omega Man and Soylent Green. The list of the great sci-fi movies of the 70’s goes on and on: Logan’s Run, The Ultimate Warrior, and of course Star Wars.
right colonel, sorry to hear that you did’nt like the sequels. i was refering to the original movies, did’nt like tim burton’s remake either thought it sucked. charlton heston was a great actor to bad “old timer’s” disease got him. “get your sticking paws off of me you damn dirty ape!”
‘Get your sticking paws off of me you damn dirty ape.’
You’re right, man. That’s some of the most memorable one liners in the history of cinema.
I also loved how at the end of Soylent Green, Charlton Heston screamed: The soylent green is made out of people, out of their flesh and blood. Classic, timeless stuff.