By Holly Randall from Xbiz.com
When I was a kid, my sexual fantasies began playing themselves out in the lives of my Barbie dolls. Sure most of my dolls had extensive lesbian relationships, but what I really felt I had to keep to myself were the rape scenarios I’d orchestrate between Ken and Barbie. Being a kid and thus new to and unsure of my budding sexuality, I thought there was something wrong with me. I would never admit to anyone that my Barbies behaved in such a manner—that is, until I started working in porn and became more open about my sexuality. What surprised me is that when I admitted these childhood sexual fantasies to other women, I discovered that many of them did the same thing. And I’m not just talking about porn stars and other women I work with in the adult industry—I’m talking about all kinds of women, all across the board.
The human psyche is fascinating and multi-faceted to the point of confusion. And in no other way does the mind display its bizarre ability to twist reality into a sick pretzel than in its sexual fantasies. The funny thing about sexual fantasies is that at first reflection, many appear to be quite contradictory. For example, almost every dominatrix I know says her main clientele consists of wealthy, powerful businessmen who come to them to be degraded and whipped. And what about female fantasies, are they more subdued and well, normal? Apparently not. If women were to fantasize sexually about what they really want in their man, then shouldn’t it be something like: Brad Pitt draws us a candlelit bubble bath, whispers flattery in our ear as he soaps up our back, and then takes us into the bedroom for some romantic, sweet lovemaking. And afterwards he whips up a soufflé, cleans the kitchen, and offers to take the kids to soccer practice. That would be the ultimate fantasy, would it not? Well, it doesn’t appeal to me. And it doesn’t appeal to countless other women, either.
When I conduct behind-the-scenes interviews on my shoots, one thing I’ve noticed is that almost every girl I interview has some form of the “rape fantasy”. Whether it be bondage, hair-pulling, rough sex, or simply being called bad names in bed, many women like to be man-handled. Of course, one could jump to the simple conclusion that since these are porn stars, we can blame these rape fantasy tendencies on a multitude of reasons: everything from an attempt to liven up their jaded perception of sex, to sexual abuse so many assume they’ve endured in the past. If these girls were the only people with this type of imagination, then the “why” behind these fantasies would not be particularly interesting, and would indeed seem quite obvious. But this is not the case. All kinds of women have rape fantasies, and this ranges from the good Christian housewife to the everyday college student. Many of my friends who work in law, medicine, or retail admit to these daydreams. A recent analysis of 20 studies over the last 30 years indicates that up to 57% of women have rape fantasies, and since this is an embarrassing subject for most women to admit to, the numbers may be even higher than that. Regardless of the study findings, it’s unmistakable that rape fantasies are much more common than one would think.
So why do so many women fantasize about something that nobody wants in reality? According to Matthew Hutson, who writes a blog for Psychology Today, there are several possibilities. One he terms as: “Sexual Blame Avoidance”. Huston says: “Women are socialized to not seek out sex lest they be considered tramps, but if they’re having sex against their will they can avoid guilt.” Conversely, he also cites “Openness to Sexual Experience”, where those who are more sexually experienced and comfortable with their sexuality, and are open to a variety of sexual fantasies. I think that most of the porn stars that I’ve interviewed fall into this category.
We can also look at this phenomenon from a biological point of view, and for a moment imagine ourselves as just another mammalian species. If we consider ourselves in the department of our unpretentious carnal tendencies, then one can argue for the biological predisposition to surrender. Just as the male lion pursues the female and then subdues her in order to mate, perhaps humans are, deep down, programmed to follow the same courtship. Of course, we are intelligent beings who rise above our animal instincts, and the societies we’ve constructed simply does not allow for men to chase women around and mount them unwillingly. I certainly don’t think it’s a good idea—but when you picture those nature programs where the lion is roaring atop his mate and biting her neck—well, that’s kind of hot, don’t you think? We cannot deny that despite all of our intellectual trappings and technological achievements, we still have the blood of animals pumping through our veins. We may have evolved as a species, but we are still only advanced primates. Also this type of rough play taps into another organic physical reaction: the sympathetic nervous system. When we’re startled into a sense of danger, our fight or flight response is activated, injecting us with a jolt of adrenaline. And that can make for some very exciting, heart-pumping, sweaty sex.
For me, it’s all about release. I run my own business and have several men who work beneath me, so I often take on the role of the alpha-female. I am in charge, and like to have everything at work under my control. I might even be a bit too controlling, which is why I swing so drastically the other way in my personal sex life. When I’m intimate with a man, I don’t want to be in control—in fact, I need to relinquish power in order to enjoy myself, and just let go. And isn’t that what sex is all about—a mental and physical release from the every day?
Overall, I feel it is important to stress that just because a woman has a rape fantasy, doesn’t mean that she actually wants to be raped. A genuine rape is a horrific and extremely frightening experience. Real rape is more about a show of power and violence than it is about the actual sex. But in the context of the rape fantasy, even though the scenario deems her out of control, the woman in fact has control as she is the one constructing the parameters of the situation. And so if the woman actually plays out this scenario with her partner, her real self has power over a set-up in which her fantasy self is powerless. So orchestrating a rape fantasy with another can actually be a sexually empowering act, because by doing so the woman is taking control over her sex life and getting what she really wants, even though the fantasy may suggest the opposite. Another thing—acting out the rape fantasy suggests a real sense of trust in your partner, whereas an actual rape is a trust-shattering experience. This is a very important distinction.
Personally for me, constructing the rape fantasy scenario and then acting the part is just too involved. The premeditated nature of it all takes the excitement out of the act. But when we go to bed, I’d love to hand over the reins every once in a while, and give you complete power over me. Just remember that when it’s all over, I’m back in charge. 😉
Fantasy is never politically correct. What would be the use?
There is a difference between rape and getting the shit fucked out of you more than you intended and enjoying it. In any event, Holly is right because every girl I date raped called me the next day and said I fulfilled their biggest fantasy and they didn’t have the stigma of feeling like a slut. I’m gonna use that as line, I’ll be “do you wanna fuck” and when she says “no” I’ll be well good because now I can fulfill your rape fantasy.
AL I swear to god if you ever use that line or utter this again…I will K*ll you.
great, because I have a murder fantasy!
Kay you show curious selective sensitivity to postings, what gives?
smart ass
you’re a smart guy figure it out.. I am not being sensitive, I’m insulted.
You get insulted on your brothers behalf.
I get insulted on rape victims behalf.
It’s called satire… I seem to remember you looking the other way at many postings which were completely worse.
and apparently they aren’t rape victims. They are victims of sexual desires they can’t comprehend
never about rape.
This women is very ignorant.
I don’t like violence, but I’d like to smack her.
When she did her “research” on this subject, how many rape victims did she interview?
Out of those how many said they has rape fantasies?
Again AL you’re a smart guy, there is satire and then there is ignorance.
I agree, thats why I said there is a difference about a rape fantasy and a fantasy about getting the shit fucked out of you.
Did you read the whole thing, I thought it was pretty comprehensive. She wasn’t trying to state the implications, but just how it exists. How else would you explain your affection for a certain someone?
I think rape is horrible and I’m just poking fun at the article.
I know you are right I’m being to sensitive. I’m tired I need to go to bed!
And no I really was not trying to derail your thread. Since what I do for a living is reading (and editing), it just strikes me how similar the two of you are in your thought process and writing and conveying that to readers.
You need to see it from my point of view. I like good writers. I know we disagree that anyone can write. In one way you are right anyone can write, but not everyone can write well.
Come on don’t you want to se my Masters?
I know, I was being facetious. Text based communication lacks the ability to convey that sometimes.
That other shit is some man shit you don’t understand and I’ll leave it at that.
I don’t want to see your masters, I wanna see your whole package. You know how to get at me…
I suppose women who have never been really raped are the ones who have rape fantasies. Those who have been raped have rape nightmares.
There’s a world of difference between acting out fetishes and fantasies that are consensual and controlled with stop words versus a real life attack where the assailant doesn’t stop. It must be scarier than a matador with one leg trying to hop away from a charging bull.
very true Jeremy…
I have fantasies of George Clooney taking me and flying me off to his Italian villa and having me be his sex slave for a week. But it’s consensual and controlled and I knew what was about to happen. Or fantasizing about a group of men I know tossing me around like a ragdoll. But it’s consensual and controlled and I knew what was about to happen.
Rape is when you’re grabbed off the street or abused by a family member or someone in authority. Or when you wake up not knowing what happened or wake up in an alley or a hospital or worse ….. in a morgue.
I don’t know why fantasizing about rough sex is called a “rape fantasy”. I don’t fantasize about being raped. Having the shit fucked out of me, yeah! But not raped.
Just my two cents.
George Clooney or AL Blanco? 😉
How long would it take you to fly out here?
time is relative
“When I conduct behind-the-scenes interviews on my shoots, one thing I’ve noticed is that almost every girl I interview has some form of the “rape fantasy”. Whether it be bondage, hair-pulling, rough sex, or simply being called bad names in bed, many women like to be man-handled. Of course, one could jump to the simple conclusion that since these are porn stars, we can blame these rape fantasy tendencies on a multitude of reasons: everything from an attempt to liven up their jaded perception of sex, to sexual abuse so many assume they’ve endured in the past.”
If the statistics for porn whores are the same for other types of sex workers I bet about 70% of them were raped or molested at one point in their lives.
Also Holly, have you realized whores are prone to say what people expect them to say.
“I suppose women who have never been really raped are the ones who have rape fantasies. Those who have been raped have rape nightmares.”
The fun thing is that two PW I know not only have nightmares about rape but also about shooting porn.
BTW both girls have worked for you Holly.
I remember when Holly in XPT dissised Darrah claim (taken from me) that some girls have been raped in the dorm by men from well known porn agencies.
Then Risi Simms came with her story. The funny thing is that the girls that told me they were raped have worked for Holly too.
I do not think Holly is well aware on what is going on in their models heads.
After all this talk about rough sex, I had to go watch some porn. 😀 Hadn’t done it in a long time. I’m watching it and of course, I get a virus. It’s my Catholic guilt coming and kicking my ass. 😯
Though I have three virus scans – Avast, AVG, and McAfee, only Avast picked up the virus. Hmmm
we need to have sex Darrah
I got raped once at the used car lot, and I don’t mean “Violated”.
Regardless of how you think rape is an erotic fantasy or a terrible crime or whatever, it doesn’t mean you can’t fucking joke about it in a fucking free country. George Carlin once used his flawless, undisputed logic to prove how rape can be funny. He said: ‘Imagine Goofy raping Minnie Mouse and try not to laugh.’ See, that’s the point: you can joke about anything.
Darrah, Have you ever had sex with a girl? Thought about it?
Colonel I didn’t laugh, and I’m not being sensitive.
Kay, you’re breaking my heart. Look, let me clarify: I don’t like rape, and I’m not defending nor justifying it. I believe rape is an unforgiveable crime of passion that can and will ruin a person’s life and it’s devastating damages are irreversible and permanent; and those who think of rape as an erotic fantasy are stupid people who don’t know what they’re talking about.
Having said that, I still don’t see what’s wrong with making jokes about rape or any other tragedy for that matter. A joke is just that: a joke, and if the person who tells it can pull it off, it’ll be funny regardless of it’s subject matter. George Carlin himself proved that time and again by making jokes about everything from rape to suicide, natural disasters, terroist attacks, etc.
Rape is wrong and dangerous, but what’s more wrong and dangerous is to become so politically correct, so frightened and so pathetic that we resort to self censorship and not even dare to joke about rape.
Colonel I will kiss your heart and make it better.
But I disagree, there are somethings that you just don’t joke about. You know how I love Carlin, but if we don’t self censorship then we go down a very dark path, that will lead us to your so called “end of civilization”
I have NEVER heard a joke about 9/11, and rightfully so. And please do not rectify that for me.
MissBiatch2U Says:
Darrah, Have you ever had sex with a girl? Thought about it?
__________________________
No I never had sex with another woman. Thought about it but it does nothing for me because I’m not gay. Watching lesbian porn does nothing for me either unless there’s a man in it somewhere.
Kay, I prefer you stick your tongue in my mouth and french kiss me.
But I beg to differ: you can joke about everything as long as you can pull it off; and who says there aren’y any 9/11 jokes? Obviously you haven’t seen Gilbert Gottfried’s post 9/11 Hugh Hefner roast or various episodes of The Family Guy. Check’em out, you sure will laugh a little.
As for the end of civilization, the end has already begun, whether we joke about it or not doesn’t make any difference; so we better die laughing with our boots on.
Al, you look too much like my brother.
you don’t have to see my face darrah
Darrah, what is your ethnic heritage?
PBS – I have a brown bag.
Sorry Al you look to much like my brother too, and since he is dead it would even more freaky.
People are always telling me I look like someone they know, it gets old
what’s a brown bag?
See Colonel I am to evolved to watch The Family Guy or other shows that have no entertainment value what so ever, like South Park.
See it all has to do with what effect it has on your life. I had friends who went to work on 9/11 and never came home. I see their kids on a daily basis and could never even think about laughing about that day.
I am even more sure that if you ever spent half an hour with a rape victim, no matter how many years have passed for them, that you would never joke about it again.
I do believe that what Holly was getting at was more of what the other posters have touched on. That some women have had fantasies of rough sex or even forced sex and bondage, but that it is done in a safe place and safe words are used.
The problem was Holly wasn’t making a joke, she was trying to get a point across, and with having such a high level of education, didn’t do a very good job of it.
Colonel I though kissing was a no no in the porn world!! I am flattered that you would break the rules for me.
a brown bag to put over his head so while you are having sex you don’t have to look at him.
WOW the civilian giving out answers.
What is LIB coming to.
The best episodes of South Park are among the best things that have ever been on television and as a side note, they really nail Colorado shit on that show.
Kay Ryan says:
‘I am to evolved to watch The Family Guy or other shows that have no entertainment value what so ever.’
Come on for christ’s sake, what’s that supposed to mean? And how do define entertainment values? How come G rated crap Walt Disney is shoving up people’s throat has entertainment values but The Family Guy doesn’t? I think it’s the other way around.
Besides, you’re taking life way too seriously my dear. Everything is fucking hilarious, in fact our very existence on this dying planet and how we raped the fuck out of it and every other species is fucking hilarious. Face it Kay, we’re all savage beasts chasing our dicks and pussies and pockets around, from the cradle to the grave, and there’s nothing, and I mean nothing honorable or glorious about us. In fact I believe the human kind is the lowest of the fucking low with a highly inflated and delusional sense of self worth and entitlement. I say to hell with it all. Have a drink and laugh a little.
I knew that would get your Irish up!