So You Wanna Get Into Porn Huh?!? Some Tips From Vicky Vette
Current mood: creative
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
So I get a deluge of mail and every day…. and at least one of the obligatory ‘how do I get into porn questions’ once or twice a day. Today, I open my mailbox and a fine young man sends me the following "Yo, Ms. Vette… can I ask you a question?" Unfortunately, and invariably, people that send me such a message, DO NOT ASK THE QUESTION. It is as if they either think they need to ask the Supreme Commander in Briefs of the Vette Nation permission to ask a question before they ask the question or they think I might write back….’no, why don’t you write your question tomorrow at 3.32 am now is not quite the time for me to consider it.’
So, after I wrote back the salutation ‘sure sweetie… what is on your mind’? I get back ‘Yo, Ms. Vette, du u fink I hav wot it takes to shoot porno wif u?’ I of course took out my handy ‘Turn Jibberish into English’ booklet and quickly translated this into: ‘Excuse me, Ms. Vette, do you think that I have sufficient qualifications to pursue the finer artform endeavors of a pornographic theatrical career’?
Now this is an appropriate question of a pornstar. I am not an agent, do not manage, and have only ‘handled’ talent on camera. So, unfortunately I can only give you some tips on how to get into adult and what to expect…. it is slightly different for men & women, so I address each separately….
WOMEN: want to get into porn? have a man videotape you having sex on camera, better yet, invite 5 or 6 of your friends over to watch you having sex on camera. Put it on the big screen. If one of the guys asks ‘hey, do you mind if I watch Sportscenter’ during the action… you might want to rethink your strategy. If you are hot enough and still have the desire to get into the action, send off your stuff to the agents in Los Angeles (they can be found by googling them under ‘guys who dress in black with slick hair in Los Angeles who hook up porn chicks’). Assuming you get such an ‘agency’ to represent you…. you can expect a lot of rejection such as ‘gee, starting at 23 is kind of old’, ‘you should really lose about 25 pounds’, ‘sorry but the pimple on your left butt cheek has to be lasered’, ‘have you ever thought about fluffing?’ or ‘do you know your left boob is slightly small?’ You can also expect to be asked to do things you would never have done in real life like two back to back double penetration scenes as your first shoots, or ‘how about a quick 15 person blow bang…. it will make you a star I promise…. you are perfect for the role.’ After about two months of every other day shoots, you will bleach your hair, ditch your high school sweet heart who moved to Los Angeles with you for ‘support’, make daily trips to the Beverly Center looking for the perfect sun glasses to project your superstardom now that your name is listed 5th on a boxcover called ‘First Time Projectiles getting Freaked On’. After six months, you will master the art of faking an orgasm, stop returning phone calls from your parents, and realize that you can avoid everyone by texting. After nine months, your best friends are all the other girls who moved to Los Angeles to pursue the same dream.
MEN: want to get into porn? Have your best male friend bring his video camera over and film you getting off with your girlfriend, wife or friend. Think I am kidding? Most ‘directors’ in porn are males…. can’t get off in front of men? Think that career choice over. Put your Peter North like performance up on the big screen and watch it with your friends…. if one of them says ‘where is the beef?’ or ‘when is the happy ending?’ (and that happened 15 minutes earlier)… you may want to take your resume back over to Walmart. Still think you have a weiner made for superstardom….send some pics and video over to an agent in Los Angeles…. preferably feature some pictures of your faces – not the pictures you sometimes send me asking for an opinion. If you are lucky enough to make the grade and get a role in a flick be prepared for the stress of: getting your freak on while being told….’can you hold that pose for the next 10 minutes and keep it up?’, ‘do you mind not grunting like a rhino while you do that?’, ‘the only lines are in the bathroom…. help yourself.’ Hopefully, you do not ruin your career with a failed performance with a top starlet (word gets around quick), and you can make enough rent to pay your share with three other people living in a one bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. After three months you start taking mass transit to work and spend every Saturday night at Sky Bar on Sunset Blvd., spending your spare cash talking to a girl that says she spent the day acting on the Young & the Restless (well really she made coffee for the cast of the Y&R that day, but who cares!) After six months, you grow your hair out, get a tattoo or three, and get suspended from your day job at Starbucks for being chronically late to the day shift starting at 10 am.
I make these jokes to point out only one thing….. it is NOT EASY, NOT ALWAYS FUN & NOT ALWAYS GLAMOUROUS. I got lucky. I sent in a picture to Hustler, won a competition, and was offered tons of jobs. But I was still asked to do things I did not want to do, was still told I was too old, and was subjected to tons of questionable working conditions. Would I say don’t pursue adult? Nope. If that is your dream… go for it. But go for it after you have thought it through…. it stays with you forever….. especially with the advent of the all powerful internet. Your images will be online for ‘enjoyment’ decades to come and don’t be surprised to be in the grocery store and someone comes up to you and says ‘Hey, didn’t I see you taking it up the a** in ‘A**l Warrior Infiltration Sluts 73? I have nothing but admiration for people who actually make it in adult. The work is not always easy and to last beyond six months is tough.
Absolutely true!
A soldier, policeman and firefighter are tough jobs. Taking money-shots on the face at age 40 because you were too lazy to work on a career is not.
word up coby
Ditto, Coby Johns!
guess you guys think it is easy taking a facial AL, Coby & Real luke ford fan
Next time you see a cop or firefighter ask if he would take a facial from you… 🙂
you look like a cop in that pic, would you be game?
seriously Vicky, come on. You know what we are talking about. I used to work 60 hours a week, how many hours a week do you work?
i see both sides of this, but answer al, would you rather work 60 hours a week or take a facial?
jeremy, come on…. the women in porn are supposed to do it for the love, no? I don’t tale facials period. They are supposed to dig that, am I wrong? I don’t want to watch porn where the girl is not digging what is done to her
Al for some reason does not want to answer the question as to whether he would love to take a facial….
….riddle me this, ask a firefighter if he would like to fight a blazing fire or take a facial for a living?
….ask a cop if he would rather work in the projects or take a facial from Ron Jeremy?
Of course I like what I do…. but being judgmental and in Coby’s case sexist and ageist is bullshit….. oh and Al, sometimes I work more than 60 hours a week. I run all my own sites.
Love Vicky
baby girl, i love you and work, but…
i don’t take facials… i am straight man
the firefighters i have known would rather walk into an inferno than take a facial… if you love it why is it work, riddle me that?
Just because you love something does not make it somehow ‘not work’…. firefighters may love their job… but it is still a job. When I am not taking a load on my face, there is 95% stuff like computer programming, graphics, editing, lighting, setting up sets, responding to thousands of email every week, and tons of stuff that has nothing to do with the joyous act of sex. I run my own sites…… No I am not putting out fires, but the hours are long, and, if you ask most people on the talent side, the rewards are getting fewer and fewer.
to quote someone i would rather not quote, we all make decisions and we all choose our lot in life…
if you love it, than you are fortunate enough to have thousands of fans that love you… i get 30 people that visit my blog every day, my passion. I would kill to have the following you do. If you love something the pains don’t affect you. everything is everything. you can;t say you love the physical, but not the tedious, i’m sorry
lost me on that one…. all jobs and occupations have some degree of tedium, and some of the tedium is fun. I am lucky to have the following that I do, and lucky to enjoy what I do to still be around at my age. I have no frikkin idea why my site gets more hits than a junkie on Time Square but it does – and I am blessed. Having said that… it is work to be up on a Saturday night when most pornstars are out getting drunk, responding on Luke is Back!
Vicky, listen as much as I get aroused just speaking to you, I gotta call you on this
not for nothing I know about times square… you are doing very well am I wrong? if you aren’t get at me, because I’ll change that. You are a beautiful woman passionate about what you do in this porn game. How many other women can say that? as to be being around at your age, my girl milfs are the new plaid. why are you feeding into stereo types about what you do on a saturday night? you on this board makes me want to view, and pay, for your work because it indicates passion
Well the reason my site is still around is simple – my tits.
……… that was a joke. I like writing and have been doing the interactive thing for a while. My site is built on interaction…. live camshows, messaging etc. Interaction makes the world go around these days and I think I do that better than most in my line of ‘work’. Night Al… I have to get my beauty sleep. I have to have sex tomorrow….. damn my job sucks! 🙂
i do love your tits baby
night, my job sucks too, i have to collect unemployment
“Of course I like what I do…. but being judgmental and in Coby’s case sexist and ageist is bullshit”
Judgmental and sexiest my ass! Cry me a river! Like you are the only one in the world that works more than sixty hours a week.
Coby = asshole
Why are you here? Just to stir up some shit? Go take your redneck first grade education back to the stone age posting to another blog.
Vicky Vette says:
guess you guys think it is easy taking a facial…
Next time you see a cop or firefighter ask if he will take a facial from you…
You must be delusional if you believe taking a facial is tougher than risking you life fighting a fire, or risking you life fighting criminals like the armed kind.
Get real!
vicky vette one of the hottest women around! vicky are you a true milf, you have to have kids to be a milf, thats the rules.
Real Luke Ford… have you heard of the word ‘sarcasm’?
and on the subject of ‘getting real’…. you are reading LIB, not the Wall Street Journal.
Vicky Vette,
Screw you ASSHOLE!! Your ego so fragile you have to check up on comments on this blob.
Pornfan… who made the rules on MILFdom? Is there some guru with a list that I don’t know about?
I kind of agree with you. I just play a MILF…. kind of like Grissom really is not in CSI
I read LIB and the Wall Street Journal every day, it gets delivered to my house. Why is it that because it is LIB people use that in dictating their actions? I was just talking about this with Kay
vicky no rules, just that you should have kids to do milf material. plus don’t let people get to you, me a civilian takes this as honor to be able to chat with people in the porn industry. i think you should do a fan fuck series,like other stars have done before, now don’t just pick the hunky ones, get your average joe schmoe and just fuck the shit out of them!
Ooooooh that was a good one Coby….. I called you an asshole first, so there.
VickyVette,
I see that I am arguing with a mental midget. Fick dich, du drecksfotze! Figure that one out Einstein.
Sorry AL i’m still with them on the “it’s a porn site”.
Sorry!
Coby, I get the idea YOU are a midget, as in small minded, small dicked and of short stature. Why? Because you are arguing with someone that you probably masturbate thinking about. And this senseless sparing and name calling helps your overinflated (due to lack of self-confidence) ego. I, for one, am very happy that Vicky would take the time to come visit LIB and talk on our board. It’s midgets like you that keep the porn stars away from here. I vote for your banning, and for Vicky getting a regular column.
MissBiatch2U,
Blödes Arschloch! Oh, I’m scared, go ahead and ban me!
Makes you wonder if Coby likes girls or not…
Who is Einstein by the way?
Vicky Get ready for my spin on this what kind of work is porn discussion, though if you would like to read it now it’s at my site which is at the contributors links. Warning, it is mad long, get a snack ready….
VickyVette,
I see, you can’t defend yourself so you decide I don’t like women. Your mental prowess amazes me.