How to Fuck a Porn Star For a Few Franklins…

NL-This is an opinion/editorial is from a new writer.  I find it an interesting read, but I have to offer a disclaimer. This article is for entertainment purposes only and not  published here to promote an illegal act.  The subject matter is controversial, and the names mentioned here  reflect  the opinions of the writer and are not endorsed by me or LIB.     Okay, did I cover my ass well enough?    LMAO…..

How To Fuck A Porn Star In A Few Mouse Clicks

by Magnum XL

While watching your favorite porno, have you ever wondered 1) what it would be like to fuck the average porn chick 2) what it would be like to fuck a smoking hot and slutty porn chick 3) see one and two.  Well fear no more losers and louts, you too can fuck a porn chick if you have a hookup to the internet, and a few Franklins burning a hole in your wallet. 

Thanks to the tanking economy, and the glut of utter shit trickling out of Porn Valley (I’m looking at you Brian Pumper, Celeste, and anything released by Devil’s Films or Vivid Alt to start with the biggest offenders this second…) more and more porn chicks are flocking to sites such as CL and Humaniplex to do ‘privates’.  For those who have been too busy jerking off to that Tiffany Minx/Kitty Yung scene from the now defunct, Sodomania series, Privates is the word used to describe porno girls who will fuck off camera for a ‘donation’ (which is what it is in a fucked-up way, when you realize you’ve just ‘donated’ to their favorite charity; bills, drugs and tacky clothes).  Yes I know, it’s stupid for a woman who already takes money to fuck on camera to be worried about what it’s called minus a camera.  That’s typical porn girls mentality and it doesn’t stop there.

As despite information to the contrary, not all porn chicks looking to make rent this month and keep their drug habits at pre-Wall Street Meltdown levels, are worth two, three or even four Franklins.

In the same vein as a recent post about the 3 types of porn girls, there’s a similar collation to those Jizz Biz Hotties who would just as soon tell you to fuck off in public…but behind closed doors, are all smiles as they slobber your balls and drain your nutsack juice.  First you got your straight-up, no-holds-bared PSE Whores (PSE aka Porn Star Experience).  These porn chicks would probably fuck for free, or meth or both in the right situation.  Sadly, this level of porn talent is seriously lacking in the ranks of Escorting.

For example, you’d think someone like Arielle Alexis (last seen on CL) would fit this model.  She’s a decent piece of ass, is down with IR, can take big cocks like Mark Wood, doesn’t flinch when given a facial, yadda, yadda, yadda.  Yet I called her a few times to set-up a little something something up and the first time she was ‘distracted’ due to personal drama and the second time she had the fucking gall to say, "…you can’t afford me!  Besides, Saturday is when I go listen to music at LACMA"."

Bitch please…spare me shittalk about how ‘busy’ you are as a LA Hipster and get top dollar for your snatch in the private sector.  Especially, as I heard through the ‘hobby grapevine’ (again, don’t ask me why banging hookers is a ‘hobby’ like stamp collecting and pottery…) she wasn’t AT ALL expensive and didn’t even charge extra to fuck her ass or have her act like a porn slut who needs her dildos to get warmed up.

The second class of Porn Girl escort is much like the porno girl ‘pro’; a clueless, sometimes stuck-up pain in the ass who barely puts it out.  These are the porn chicks who never made much of an impact in the Jizz Biz (ie: Jamie LaMore…who?  Exactly!).  When they moved to doing Privates, it is less about letting fans fuck them as if they’re Everhard or Tony T, and more about marketing themselves as a ‘porn star’ who will let any smuck with a few bills to put their dick in their used-up box…period, end of story.  That means, NO kissing, NO facials, NO cumming in their mouth, NO ‘rough’ pounding, NO bare BJs!!!  Sometimes you might get one whose okay with anal…but you better have a tiny dick (3 to 4 inches) and pop in about a minute as this isn’t a Jay Sinz extravaganza.

These types of Porn Girl Escorts are essentially what Hobbyist would label as Full Service.  Why?  How the fuck should I know…but its not worth getting it from a porn chick because you can get the SAME from a nineteen year old hooker with a cute face, a few stretch marks, 1998 circa bangs and slightly crooked teeth charging $100 for a half hour.  The worst example, as the best isn’t anything worth talking about for the reasons stated, would be Nikki Jaymes.  Those in the know have commented that she not only can barely suck cock, but she’s a lazy fuck who despite talking facials on camera, can’t be bothered to do the same when she’s getting half of what she gets to swallow Scott Nails’ load.  Go fucking figure.

The last category of porn girl escort, would be the washout.  She lost her looks and hopes the guys who come to see her won’t tell anyone how wasted she is.  Sure, they’ll let you fuck them six ways to Sunday, if they’re not rolling on E and jonsing for H, but really…is it worth the memory of a potmarked porn star who smells like wet ass and slurs her dirty talk?  More to the point, is it worth a few Benjamins to find out if she’s Tory Lane or Chasey Lane?  Not in this economy!

…and if anyone knows Tory is selling it to civilian mopes, get in touch with my peeps ASAP please…

Anyhow, take note guys, if she keeps going to check on her dogs, use the bathroom to fix her makeup, or check on her roast in the oven, she’s probably more concerned with sucking on a crack pipe, than your cock.  A prime example of this is Tiffany Holiday — who has been mentioned in other posts.  The rumors are true…and worst than you can imagine (or not, if you regularly watch the insanity to be had from a JM Productions fuck flick).  Haley Scott is another; I doubt she’s awake now to comment, so please, flame away peanut gallery.

Now you’re probably saying to yourself, "Mr. Magnum XL, who in the fuck should I pay for if I’m itching for some porn actress poon?!!!"  My answer is ‘Google bitch!’.  It’s not hard at all to 1) see who you can bang from Porn Valley 2) find info on how bangable she is 3) see one and two.  Say you really, really, really wanted to fuck Jenny Hendrix.  A few searches and bam — you’ve got a way to contact her.  Only problem is she’s super expensive (look lady, you’re hot but do I look like Steve Hirsh or Vince Voyuer?  Really, over a G to hit that ass…oh, I don’t get your ass ass?  Just the puss?  Really, only the puss for that price?  Not even a finger in the rosebud?  Damn…pass!).

That’s probably the most valuable lesson to be gained when paying for Porn Star snatch…it’s NOT VALUABLE!  These actresses…yea right…think they can command the same kind of money they get to fuck clowns like Frank Wank and Alex Gomez, only to have a ugly reality check when they get no calls!  They should be lucky they can even get what the best escorts are getting these days (which isn’t a lot…try $200 to $300 an hour).  These same porn girls think they’re Ashley Dupree and are going to be fucking a 50 year old politician to the tune of 4 grand for three hours (the majority of time spent listening to him gripe about his wife — as an idiot with that kind of money to burn, isn’t going balls to the wall over a washed up piece of porno twat).  Two strokes and that trick is done.  Here’s your autographed movie.  Next!

For the average guy, can it be fun to fuck a porn star for a few dollars?  Yes.  Should you break your piggy bank to fuck a porn girl that even Porn Valley has little use for anymore?  No.  Double no if she’s going to give you the runaround on the price, refuse an oral sperm deposit and dress up like the dumb-ass slut that she is.

Magnum XL