I’ve Done A Horrible Thing
I was sent this Masturbation is Murder thing by the Religious Right. Usually I tend to ignore these people, but this made me think.I knew abortion was murder, but I never figure that taking matters in hand would make me a killer. This has really made me think and I’m filled with remorse. Since I was 14, I was stroking it at least once a day. The math is staggering. I’m worse than a serial killer, in fact, I might have committed genocide.
How many of the poor little guys have I sent crashing to their deaths on a cheap formica floor? How many have perished hitting the porcelin wall? Worse, how many have suffocated in a latex coffin? How many have been killed by toxic chemicals as they lay helpless on a peep show floor? How many have been tossed into a whirlpool of death after being picked up by a wad of tissues? The horror of it all overwhelms me.
Maybe this is why I had prostate cancer last year, payback from a higher power, pissed off that I crushed thousands of the little guys to death between the pages of Screw magazine? Or how many have I left clinging to life in the moist pubes of my conquests? I have a lot to answer for.
The worst would be the untold schools of the little squigglies that were swallowed , alive, by over anixous 8th Ave. hookers. Then the poor little bastards that are entombed in concrete covering the "new" 42nd Street. What can I do to make it right? Not much as I can still jerk, but not off. But there is salvation at hand. Pick up the new 42nd Street Pete’s Night of Perverted Pleasures. All proceeds go toward rescueing which ever ones I can. Its time to lend a hand.
I once wrote as a joke that “masturbation is murder”… hmmm
Oh, for fucks sake, you got to be joking! How do they condemn females masterbating? Oh yea, my period would amount to 12 to 24 eggs a year.