AL got Breast Meat For Christmas

Cindi recently sent me some porn DVDs as a holiday present, and after giving her my feedback she suggested I write a review of one of them.  Where I’m from we have a saying that one hand washes the other so I felt compelled to oblige.  That and she threatened to withhold my food payments.  Cindi and I have an understanding:  if I write her a few articles now and then, I can stop by her house and eat her food.  What sold me on the deal was my "Kramer Stipulation", which basically means I can bust through er door without notice a la Kramer from Seinfeld and raid her pantry.  She must always have Cocoa Puffs as per her notarized sworn statement on file with my attorney.  One time she accidentally bought Cocoa Peebles and I was vexed for a week.  She was like what’s the difference and I just shook my head and sighed.

An opinion is entirely subjective.  There have been plenty of instances where I have seen the latest critically acclaimed film and thought it was lame as hell, and vice versa.  I have certain criteria I look for in all porn material before I can deem it hot, and it may not be what others consider as critical.

In my opinion, the single most important aspect of porn material is the physical quality of the women.  Other things have relevance, but none higher than that.  A bitch can have all-star sexual skills, but if I’m not feeling her appearance I will never watch it, much less consider it a formidable weapon in my spank arsenal.  On the other hand, it can have beautiful women, but if they are all white, blond and skinny, I’m not gonna feel it as much.  Beauty, and a variety of that beauty are most critical to me.

The title in question is Hustler Busty Beauties Breast Meat, starring Nina Mercedez, Trina Michaels, Priya Rai, Lisa Daniels, Sheila Marie, Sienna West and some guys that I don’t really give a shit about. 

I like the title, and how can you go wrong with the tag line of "shot after shot of juicy breast meat covered in cream sauce."  I thought it meant clam sauce or Alfredo sauce though, who knew that meant jizz?  I particularly like Mercedez and Priya in general, however on my scale all of the women are more than agreeable.  I thought Sienna was the highlight and Sheila the weak link.  For me performances are mostly graded on a pass or fail basis and all the ladies passed their tests for me.  Performances can vary, but
it just has to be good enough for me.  If I can believe the girl is enjoying herself, I’m fine.  I don’t get deep or picky in that sense.

My only knocks are that Mercedez’ scene was a lesbian scene and Priya has looked a lot better.  Still with that said, Priya is like the only meat dish at a vegetarian restaurant: it will always look tempting.  Also I think Trina looks best with golden blond hair and she was rockin some dirty blond with highlights type shit.  I was not familiar with Sienna and now I
will be keeping an eye out for her shit, she is a cutie.

The biggest trap all pornos fall in is the extended penetration shot.  That does nothing for me, I need to see the entire picture.  How am I supposed to get off seeing an up close shot of a dick going in and out of pussy for three minutes straight.  Is that supposed to be erotic?  That shit is not for me.  This flick did a relatively good job of avoiding that lazy and
ineffective technique.

Ultimately, if I can spank to any scene in a porn flick, the producers did their job and I feel this vid is worthy.  Plus, I like titties.  Titties translate positively in porn easier than any other physical feature in my opinion.  A fat ass could have some pimples on it, but titties just work.  Additionally, the packaging is high fidelity in the sense that you see it and think it’s a hot vid, and it actually is.  I hate when the sleeve cons you into thinking its hot and it’s not.

Lastly, I don’t feel knowledgeable enough about porn to think my opinion is reliable for those that do have the knowledge.  I do however feel that I am a member of the largest porn constituency, the semi casual / semi dedicated fan group that just wants to see normal hot fuckin.  No stories, no fetishes like cum play, no six guys on one girl, just good shit for a man to beat off too.  If you feel me on that, then perhaps you would like this movie.