NY Exxxotica Exxxpo: 2nd Half
(Before I get into the rest of my time at the Exxxpo, I want to note that my only professional focus was to write about the expo and that I don’t have the ability or authority to actually post anything to the site. That being said, the pics are my personal pics, and I didn’t choose what got posted.)
Right around 3:00 I talk with Farrell from Playboy Radio (Sirius 198 and Oct 6 on XM). He tells me how they flip the playboy concept onto radio. I’m sure it has it’s niche, but it’s not really up my alley. He’s a nice guy however, and at this point I’m making note of the normalcy of the whole convention in the sense that this easily could have been a cooking convention. I’m thinking I’d see a lot of booths with perverted looking guys with jizz crust on their jeans, thick clear plastic framed glasses, patchy beards and copious arm hair.
Next up I hit the Sassy Assy booth. The first thing I noticed about their booth was that as a group they had the hottest stable of bitches. Sure they were working with more girls than most booths, but every one was pretty bangin. They sell stripper gear, and I guess it works because the girls were lookin so good I didn’t even notice what they were wearing.
At this time a lot of the actual performers have arrived and accordingly the place is much busier with attendees. I know many might say the "stars" have arrived, but to me they’re all just performers no matter how well known they are. To be a "star" in my eyes, you have to have extraordinary ability in a performing art or be extraordinaryly skillfull while being entertaining, hence the most common applications of the term are in TV, film, music and sports. When you just look good and fuck good on camera, to me, you don’t qualify. The irnoy is that you can do one scene in porno, and they call that girl a "porno star." Say a girl fucks one guy for one little known site and she gets murdered, the headline will say "Adult film star found slain." Am I a writing star? Maybe a blackhole, or possibly space debris…
Some of the performers throughout the expo were quick to want to give me a signed poster or picture when they knew I was writing about it for this site, and I politely declined all of them. Sure, I like watching you bang, but unless you are Nelson Mandela or Bill Clinton or some shit like that, I don’t need your signature or a photo of yourself because I don’t give a fuck about having it. All in all, all of the girls seemed very nice and personable. My goal wasn’t to ask any of them any questions, just introduce myself and get a photo for my personal posterity. At this point I met a bunch in a row, including: Penny Flame, Lexxi Tyler, Gina Lynn, AJ Kahn, Tatianna Stone, Candace Von and Hillary Scott. I figure I’ll hit up some more vendor booths as some new people have arrived since I got there.
It’s about 4:20 and I meet Persia (PersiasPalace.com) at the Adult Chambers booth. Persia has big ass natural titties. Her titties are the shit. She insisted I hold them for the pic and you know I was conflicted because I thought I had to maintain professionalism. If I interviewed Sarah Palin and she asked me to hold her big ass titties, how would that come off? I had to oblige because journalism is like method acting; you have to experience what your subjects are experiencing. Those fuckin titties had fuckin mass to them, Einstein would love them. I get the first pic holding the titties from the back and when asked if needed a second one, I said sure just in case the first one doesn’t come out right, but really I didn’t want to let go of the titties. I remember when I was saying goodbye I had do the quick rearraning of my dick because that shit had me going.
I have to take this point in time to say thanks to all the random guys who took the pics. Everytime I wanted to get a pic of me with one of the girls, the question was always, who the fuck is going to take the thing?
Next I met Arianna Armani. I had never heard of her, but she has a striking resemblance to Julia Stiles, which turned me the fuck on.
Around this time I think I’ve been here 6 or 7 hours, and I deserve a fuckin drink. The obstensible reason the exxpo was moved was because of an issue with the liquor license, however they didn’t have any liquor in the fuckin place. Good thing I had my bottle in my bag. There’s no substitute for a liquid companion. One thing about me is, something like drinking in public is to be done out in the open. The attempted deception is the downfall. If you are in the street, you don’t brown bag a fuckin 22 oz of beer because a cop will be on that quick. Instead I just mix myself up some rum or Hennessy and coke and put it in a random cup. I’v taken this everywhere, even if the cup is clear and never once had a problem. I walk right by police on the street, in the subway and as long as I don’t do anything wrong, they can’t say shit because even though it’s semi transparent cola, it’s still just cola from what they can see. Plus perception is reality, why would I brazenly walk by them drinking alcohol with an open container on my person?
The actual mixing is usually the trickiest part, that must be done in private or out of plain sight. I hit the bathroom up and the handicap has one of those diaper changing stations. How politically correct I think, and more importantly how usueful. I mix myself up a drink in an empty cup I got from concession and think, now I can have some real fun.
Guzzling that shit hits me quick, but that’s the point. I see some girls from the Pillow Fight League and the guy from there invites me to see their show later. This is something else I have no use for, but I suppose somehow it has its niche. The girls go it at pretty hard, but the whole conecpt seems stupid to me.
Next I start hearing music, which is noteworthy because the whole time I was there I realized I hadn’t heard any music yet. Candance Von’s booth had a DJ and he was playing shit like Jay-Z and 50 Cent, with scratches and all that, which I was really feeling. I had my drink, I had some tunes, I was feeling good.
I attend a small portion of the Ask Dr. Z seminar with Victoria Zdrok. The part I catch she is discussing about heightening pleasure during sex, and one way is by prolonging foreplay and avoiding gential contact. Now that’s cool, I can dig that, but as they say sometimes I’m just about cummin and goin.
I proceed to talk to Mike with Oxygen Retreats, a concept I have heard before. They have these fuck packages in the Dominican Republic where you stay at their resort, have unlimited food and drink and it comes with one chick that you can smash all you want, including the option to add more girls. I can think of way worse ways to spend a vaction, and the prices seemed pretty reasonable considering all the potential. I told Mike, send my fuckin ass down there and if it’s as good as you say I’ll have a nice little story on it for you. Holla at me Mike!
Around this time I get to meet Dr Z, Alexis Amore, Nyomi Banxxx and Stormy. After this I see a bizarre sight, two guys playing drums and I find out they are part of Hick, Nick and Jew of the Dead. They play in the background in vids. Funny stuff, nice guys.
I get myself another cigarette break, only this is heightened because I’ve hit the bathroom up to fill up on my rum a couple times since the first one. I’m kind of tired, but I’ve got my second wind and ready to see what else is up. Plus, for a couple hours now the place is as busy as ever, and now harder to walk around because of all the people.
Fourth Quarter Action is next…
I love peep shows!!