"F. Scott Fitzgerald said that there are no third acts in American lives," he began. "My first act in my life was growing up, graduating college, touring as a guitar player for Dee Dee Ramone. Second act was becoming, for lack of a better term, a world-famous porn star. The third act? I’d like to have a third act."
Fitzgerald said there are no second acts in American life.
Sargeant "Oscar" Stendanko ripostes:
Will somebody please point out not merely the hilarity of how Kurt Lockwood deciding to take a two-month vacation warrants an avn.com lead article, but even better, the hapless, tramp-stamped doofus’s persistent reference to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s supposed remark that there is no "third act" in American lives in order to map out his own imagined career arc, when in fact neither he nor evidently boy genius Peter Warren are aware the well-known quote is that there are "no second acts in American lives." In other words, Kurt, you’re already playing on overtime.
But then again, Kurt imagines his life mirrors the story arc of Dirk Diggler, a fictional anti-hero created to reflect the real-life downfall & debasement of a deluded, drug-addicted, & not very otherwise-talented owner of a famous penis. & considers any passing similarity a dream come true worthy of high-fives & too-ardent butt squeezes. Not neccesarily the sort to look to for accurately quoted literary bon mots. To say the least.
World-famous? Hardly….
The legends and the larger than life only need one act, my friend.
The rest of us are looking for seconds and thirds because we were unsatisfied with the first to begin with.
The only way to immortalize act 1 is to die young or outlive all your contemporaries.
Where does failed actor, with a career highlight of ‘rollerblading snowman’ in Mixed Nuts fit into the three act structure?
Look closely at the cast of Mixed nuts and you’ll see two other notable rollerbladers, Jon Stewart and Parker Posey. At this point both could have ‘given the finger to hollywood’ Lockwood style, and this could have made a great sliding doors type film.
So let’s imagine imagine how things might have turned out.
Posey would have been a great addition to the porn industry, especially as now she could simultaneously fill milf and teen rolls.
Jon Stewart, I’m wondering about his on camera roll, I don’t picture Stewart with a particularly large penis, so I’d suggest charismatic suitcase pimp/agent, of course hosting the AVN awards.
Which leaves us with Lockwood, we could speculate he’d be hosting The Daily Show and in turn The Academy Awards. But that’s only if he had the courage and discipline to see things through.
Don’t kid yourself that you were any success Kurt, because what would you rather be doing right now? Promoting 3:10 to Yuma, American Gangster, maybe putting the finishing touches on The Dark Knight, in your role as The Joker? Or starting flame wars on xxxporntalk…
Now its time for Kurt to take over the world!!!!!!!!!
This is too comical! Kurt is clearly a very delusional person. I have actually seen him in porn so I know what he loks like.
He looks like WHITE TRASH! AM I WRONG?
I mean all that ink and tatto crap? He is hardly ever be with a classy woman that’s for sure.
He is a male prostitute so what if he is “retiring” who cares?
Act 3 involves time spent in a Turkish prison with Hamilton Steele, convicted of propositioning ETA fighters in Barcelona.
Act 4, Kurt back in tranny porn acting as Nacho sidekick.
Let’s throw Kurt a going away party and forget to invite him.