What Makes Luke Such A Dip?

Rev. Des posts on XPT:

G’day, mates. It’s the old Rev. D-smond Ford here, popping back in for a spot of rancor and Vegemite. My gay son L-ke Ford and his brother are like chalk and cheese, I reckon. I still don’t understand how my loins could have produced such a fair-dinkum dimwit as Luke. He recently cried like a girl and announced that porn actress Taylor Wane "attacked" him. I saw the video, and in Australia, we call that a handshake. I must say, I could take on a bit of that Taylor Wane myself. And she’d know it, too, by cracky! My faggot son L-ke Ford should be grabbed by the scruff of his miserable neck, knocked about, and have his ears boxed for his woeful whingeing. I’d do it myself – Lord knows, I’ve tried in the past – but since I have a Sunday sermon to compose, I was wondering if you fine XPT gents could sort the boy out in my stead. I’d be very grateful; it’d be ANZAC biscuits and milk for all you lads! I’ll be back soon with some further bulletins regarding my gay son L-ke Ford and his buggering antics with his childhood friend WAYNE CHERY. I have a story involving a kookaburra that’ll disturb the lot of you, I promise! Carry on, gents — here’s mud in your tankard!