Mary Carey Calls Me From Rehab

12:10 p.m. Mary calls (audio). "You’re a f—ing asshole."

Luke: "What?"

Mary: "You act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I have let you get away with a lot of s—, and I kept my mouth shut about a lot of s—, but I cannot f—ing believe you. You really stepped over the line this time. I mean, I thought you were my friend. I don’t know why I would think that. You’ve obviously proved otherwise. You are a f—ing prick. And you know what? Addiction is a disease, you asshole. If you’re so f—ing educated, why don’t you go look it up?"

She hangs up.

A few minutes later, she posts on XPT:

I just read his post and called him about it. What’s funny is that he sounded shocked that I was angry.

Luke, you’ve burned the very last bridge. I will NEVER consider you a friend again, I will NEVER sympathize with you again, and I will NEVER consider your well-being or wish for your happiness again. You’ve truly driven away possibly one of the only people in the industry who ever honestly gave a s— about you, who ever defended you, and who ever dared to call you their friend. You are one of the most judgemental people I have ever met, and what’s funny is that you are the last person on the planet who has the right to be. Go wallow in your own misery alone, you f—.

Everyone else, thank you so much, I love you all. I think that perhaps the support I get is from the basic human recognition that we all have flaws, and that we all make mistakes. I was willing to admit them and seek help to correct them. I have met some of the most amazing, selfless and generous people in this program– those who seek to help others before they help themselves. I can only pray that I, too, will one day be like these people, and give back to those who have given me so much comfort, love, and hope.

Whoops. I was having an acid flashback. That was Holly a few months ago. She tends to be excitable, which is why I had to break up with her and take up with Mary Carey instead. Mary is more stable than Holly. She’s more open to my Jewish values. She’s more calm and other-directed. Life with Holly was a whirlwind of drama but my intimacy with Mary has been like a candle in the wind, never knowing who to turn to when the rain set in.

I was moved by Mary’s call (audio) Thursday.

Mary: "I’m in rehab [since Monday]."

Luke: "Truly?"

Mary: "Didn’t you read those other gossip sites like tmz?"

Luke: "How’s it going?"

Mary: "Great. So much fun."

Luke: "Do they have all the cameras there?"

Mary: "I have no comment."

Luke: "You sound different. You sound more calm and mellow and centered."

Mary: "It must be the meds."

Luke: "How long are you going to be in there?"

Mary: "A little while. A couple of weeks."

Luke: "Wankus on his show last week said you’d called him wanting to host a wild party at his place with cocaine and booze?"

Mary: "I probably did. I had to go out with a bang."

"I don’t need meds right now. They’re announcing med time. Does anybody need meds?"

This is Carey’s first time in rehab. "It’s fun. It wouldn’t be so fun if I didn’t have a good group of people with me."

"There are no TVs. Cell phones are in and out. No internet. It makes you get to know people. I’ve got two great roommates."

Luke: "Are you learning anything?"

Mary: "Yeah, I’m learning a lot. Alcoholism is a disease. I happen to have it. I can’t have a couple of drinks. No alcohol. It’s genetics. I’m part Indian on my dad’s side. You know how Indians are prone to alcoholism."

Luke: "What about the higher power stuff?"

Mary: "The what?"

Luke: "God."

Mary: "We do that when we do our meditation in the morning."

I have another quick chat with Mary Thursday evening before her cell phone is taken away.

Mary was so full of hope for humanity, that I penned this humble poem:

Goodbye Mary Carey
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Mary was found in the nude

Goodbye Mary Carey
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe