I left porn on October 6, 2006. I did not receive another dime from my website. I had a contract with a company to run my website and they refused to take it down. They have exploited the fact that I am now a Christian. I have seen website affiliates mock me and my change. I even saw a nude picture of myself with photoshopped pictures of Jesus’ face covering my breasts. The old website continues to run because I cannot afford a lawyer. I get so upset every time I get an email from another Christian accusing me of profiting. I also worked for many companies who own the rights to my photos. You see in the porn business they make sure you sign a model release that says that once they pay you your modeling fee they own the photos. It’s all a way to protect themselves in case the girls change their minds or in my case give their lives over to Christ.
I struggle daily with my past mistakes not because I feel condemned because I know there is no condemnation in Christ, but because I worry that my past will lead others down the wrong path. It causes me so much grief to think that other young women might see my past and be persuaded to get involved in porn or to think that my old images are fuel to someone addicted to porn.
Two months after leaving porn I went completely broke and lost my vehicle. I still had to pay rent and bills and God provided for me in this time. I took out my hair extensions and lost the fake nails. No more spa, no more gym membership, no more restaurants. It was hard to leave all the luxuries behind but I still continued in my pursuit of God. I began to attend church regularly twice a week, went on a retreat with my church, met with my pastor and my mentor. I went through much anxiety about not having any money. I broke out in hives over and over, got very little sleep, and gained a little weight. A spiritual war began as I suffered nightmares almost every night and had to learn to take control of it. Greater is the one who is within me than the one who is of this world! God used that time of anxiety to strengthen my dependence on him. Slowly my anxiety diminished more and more. I still deal with some but not nearly how I did months ago!
January 2, 2007, I began working in a law office as a receptionist and making just enough money to pay my bills. At the same time I was dealing with a lot of my issues from my past – past abortions, abuse, anger, and depression (which is why I haven’t blogged much since then.) It has been quite the rollercoaster…
I think porn’s primary attraction to most men is that it humiliates the beautiful (not just the women who appear in it, but all women are devalued, their beauty is no longer special because you can just go online and get an analogue version of that gorgeous chick you saw at the gym and get your rocks off without the hassle of marriage, children and responsibility).
NitneLiun writes on XPT:
This blog post raises more questions than it answers. Were you fired or did you quit your receptionist job? What did you think a criminal defense legal practice does? They defend those accused of criminal acts. Why were you willing to work there when they primarily defended drunk drivers but couldn’t tolerate them defending those accused of domestic violence? Far more people are killed by drunk drivers than are killed in domestic violence incidents. When you took out your hair extensions and got rid of the fake nails, did you consider removing the bolt-ons from your chest? Have you considered auctioning the implants off to the fanbois at ADT? That should raise enough for next month’s rent. How the hell are going to afford college tuition if you only have the change in your purse? How many Muslim kids walk to Israel to have their heart problems treated? Can’t be more than a few. And what makes you think those Muzzies want you around anyway? Infidel! When you finally realize that porn is all you are good for, will you start doing double anal and stop begging for money on your myspace blog?
Ceara Lynch posts: "Are you implying men go through the "hassle" of marriage, children, and responsibility just so they can get laid? I thought that’s what sluts and hookers were for."
The day that most men in this society turn to sluts and hookers to meet their sexual needs will mark the beginning of the end of civilization (which is based upon sublimating sexual desire into useful things such as hard work and family).
Here’s some background on Crissy Moran.
Crissy, good for you. Porn is the biggest fakest bunch of bullshit out there, they’re all liars, they lie bigtime about what they make, scam people out of money. Why attractive girls have gone for anything more than a bikini mag or miss america contest is beyond me, however the trend is changing. Glad you are a person of faith, now its our turn to beat the living shit out of these fake faggot fucking porno homos
Crissy is a brave woman. I`m not a Christian, I`m not a saint. I sometimes watch porn, I sometimes use escorts. But I know that for most women being a whore in the end is a piece of shit of a life. And I root for those girls who have the huevos to try to change. Money cannot buy you mental stability. I’m I know most of them are carrying the mental baggage of a abusive childhood. Crissy was raped when she was nine years old. And her alcoholic father used to beat her. She was dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when she entered the industry, and doing sex work has make her PTSD worse. But she have the cojones to recognize that all the money in the world cannot buy you mental health if you work in a line of work that makes about 70% of their workers mentaly unhealty. So she quit and now with the help of religion and psychoterapy is trying to face their demons. And what porn people do. They mock her and keep making money of her. Talk about kicking the fallen. Cowards. Them they worry about a conspiracy against the industry image. Porners can be their worst enemies.
Crissy myspace blog is unique in that is gives us a window on what it feels to have PTSD. And how you can overcome it. That alone have earned her a whole new bunch of fans, not only among christians. The girl can write! I’m not familiar with Crissy M porn work, but I have heard Darren Hyman song. He saw through the bullshit. Go Crissy.
I know its out of context but just wanted to make a comment on this:
http://www.xxxporntalk.com//ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=dvdtalk&Number=249374&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1
“Historically, the humiliation element in porn is a relatively recent occurrence. ”
I’m recent porn terms yes, but historically Thats not correct.
Although she is part selling her business Holly is speaking a whole heap of sense in that thread.
Over the past 10 years I’m meeting more and more women who want to be sexually abused and humiliated (only in the context of sex) Ive found many of these women impossible to get on with – control freaks, jealous, over assertive, argumentative over just about anything to get one up on you. Is part of this the effect of the internet? The arrogance I’m seeing from women (since the internet) in the UK is making many men here look abroad.
shame on me for making so many mistakes in that last post ! men cant multi task
especially dyslexic ones.
Once again, the boys of XPT revel in their misogyny. I read their posts and wonder if any of them have ever actually had an adult conversation with a woman that consisted of more than ordering food and demanding the bill at the end of the meal.
It’s not that she’s left the business but that she has exchanged one crutch for another. She’s gone from using her body to make a living to using mythology to live her life. If she’s sharp she’ll realize that and maybe live a normal life.