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August 30, 1999 Porner Jeremy Steele (jeremysteelexx@hotmail.com) phoned Monday afternoon. Jeremy: "I'm pursuing the music business. I've been playing guitar for 20 years. I'll be 31 next month. I've got a good contact in the music industry, singer Malina Moye. Meanwhile, I'm going through hell with my finances. I spent $1200 in the last month and now the engine is shot. So now I'm devastated right now. "Plus my ex Eden Rae has done some evil s---. I got my dad to send $7000 to save her life for surgery. And she gave her word that she would pay him back and she's not. That should have nothing to do with us breaking up. She's breaking her word to my dad and he's holding that against me. And it's gotten bad between my dad and I with that stuff. Meanwhile, she was whoring herself to various businessmen... "She's worked under a false ID. I might as well let all this s--- be know because I am pissed off. All the videos she's ever done were under a false ID. Her real name is Jasmine Grecinger." Luke: "Did she really get all those degrees?" Jeremy: "I don't know. She's a pathological liar. She's insane and evil. I got caught up with her because I was going through a lot of bulls--- being victimized with the World Modeling rumors and s--- like that. I was at my wits end when I met her and I was looking for an escape. And she made a lot of nice boasts how she had a yacht, and she was working all the time as a feature dancer travelling around the country and making all this money... So I ended up traveling with her. She told me that she had terminal cancer so I got a soft spot emotionally with her. "She's still around. She's fine. She did need an operation... I begged and pleaded for money for her operation and she ain't going to pay it back... And my dad's holding me accountable and I'm making nothing right now." Luke: "What was her operation for?" Jeremy: "She had a prolapsed uterus because she supposedly had cancer. She definitely had an operation because she had a big scar above her pubic area. I don't know if that was a Caesarean but she said it was cancer. It did look like she was pregnant at one point because her internal organs were all pushing forward. "She was doing a lot of drugs and that is what got her back into better looking shape. She's been a speed freak... If you do speed, you don't have an appetite. I was doing that stuff with her too. I was doing coke, speed... During 1997-98. "I finally got her out of the house in February, 1999. I was in jail because of her. I was arrested for abuse and she was grabbing me. She tried to grab my nuts. She did once sort of. She swung towards my balls. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. I said shut the hell up. Anyway, the cops came... January 13th... "Around November of 1997, she had discharged a firearm when I lived on Whitley Street in Hollywood. I have the bullet holes to prove it... I lived there for five years and I had to leave because of her. I was on good terms with the manager... "It's hard enough for a guy to make a living. This business is the most exploitative business. It infuriates me. You have acknowledged that this makes more money than mainstream and music combined [LF: I don't think this is true], and it costs more money to rent or buy a porno... More than Titanic which cost hundreds of millions of dollars... The lead actors got millions each. "We're told there is a budget. We're risking our lives. I've done over 130 scenes now. And where am I right now? I'm f---ing struggling to survive. All I'm doing is the internet once or twice a week. For [VCA's] Babenet. Plus the flake factor is disheartening. "People are flakes. They say they are going to hire me [for porn movies] but they don't. I've been given praise... I met a few people at the LA Erotica show who had shot me and were praising me to other people. About how big of a pop shot I have. Give me a call. I call and I've never gotten any f---ing work. I don't know how many f---ing times I am supposed to call and beg for work. Guys who I didn't even know but knew who I was... I still haven't worked for any of those people. I've only worked for Don Fernando and he doesn't pay s---. "Anyway, my ex Eden Rae has put bullet holes... Was threatening. I had to call the cops on her. She ended up spending a bunch of money on these lawyers who got her no jail time and just a bunch of community service. "The only reason that I stayed with her as long as I did was that she had some legitimate businessmen through the internet that wanted to invest in us. But, among other problems that she had, was a total inability to show up on time. It was always a struggle to get her to the internet on time. And that was our main living. "We had a meeting with a millionaire who wanted to invest $250,000 in our company. And I couldn't get her out the door until five minutes before we had to be in Beverly Hills, from Hollywood. We didn't get there until 25 minutes late and we just missed the guy. And to this day we've never met him. That's like the ultimate job interview. You not only show up on time. You show up early. "But that's just the way she is. She's very arrogant, a major egoist. She's psychotic. She's criminally insane. She's hit me at times. She's threatened me with a knife and a gun." Luke: "Where is she now?" Jeremy: "I just checked her 800 number. She says she's in a couple of movies right now. I left a message saying, first of all, I've been getting calls from people saying that she owes them money. She was selling drugs and s---. She was selling a legal derivative of cocaine... Because she was whoring herself to this doctor. "I know of this from another girl who hooked her up with all this stuff. It was obvious anyway what was going on but she thought I didn't know. I was getting calls from people who were hearing around the Mulberry bush about how she was selling something that she was saying was pure cocaine but was a legal derivative that has similar effects. And all these people are pissed off and looking for her and s--- because she was selling it for a really high price. "She'd be making money whoring herself and she'd say, oh, this guy gave me money because I did some posing. Yeah, right. She'd buy herself a fancy dress and outfit... At that point it was over between us and I was still trying to get her out the door... And she owes at least $1500 on the phone bill so I had my phone disconnected. "The actual operation cost $3000 but my dad had sent $7000 because that is what she told him. She was going to kill herself then because she was in a lot of physical pain. This was before she shot up the videos, in late October 1997. "She took everything that she bought with that money, including the computer, which I should've held on to... At first she was going to give it to me... "She infuriates me. I was in jail on a $50,000 bail [January, 1999]. The only reason that I got out was that before I went to court... I was in there for two days... It was the same courthouse here in Hollywood that had dinged her for threatening me with a gun... And I had said that I didn't want to press charges and I didn't want a restraining order because we were still together... "It was really bad. She had this guy living here, a skinny dude. He was always bragging how he was one of the roadies for the Scorpions [a favorite hard rock band of Luke's in 1984, with songs like "Big City Nights," and "Rock You Like A Hurricane"]... And he's always showing this book of index cards from the music business. He looks like an AIDS patient... He supposedly was diagnosed with cancer too and they were always hugging and stuff. "She also had a dude that was sleeping in my bed. That was stuff that really pushing me. I never caught them having sex... This other dude was always screaming at me. Whenever I got into an argument with her, he always sided with her. He was staying as a guest in my house and he was also stealing s---. He was getting in my face and screaming at the top of his lungs about how I am a piece of s---. "'Cause I was saying everything that I've done for her. And I'd mention the fact about the surgery thing... He'd say, how dare you use someone's life and death situation against them. You f---ing piece of s---. Give him a knife. Put a knife in his hand. I'll beat the f--- out of him then. I could've beaten the f--- out of him anyway. "My life went totally insane. I'm infuriated. It makes me question the existence of God and stuff that evil people like this are still out there and doing this s---, you know. I've had some other troubling experiences this year too. "I'm about ready to leave a message on a machine, I will let the industry know that she [Eden Rae] is going around with a false ID. She's a daughter of the Hells Angels. I've been with her bicycle gang fans. She's a major racist. She hates niggers. She was raped by two black guys, she told me, when she was 13. They beat the f--- out of her. So I had some sympathy when she said nigger. Sometimes I say nigger but I am not a racist. It's like saying white trash. That doesn't make you a racist. There's good and bad in everything. She hates blacks though she's politically correct when she needs to be. "Part of the reason I stayed with her so long was that I had no money. When I first drove out to Minnesota with her, I had $2500 in the bank and about as much in mutual funds. And all that was depleted after three months on the road with her [late summer, 1997]. "She wasn't making money at all. She led me to believe that she was a feature dancer. I've long been operating with her out of a sense of guilt out of something I did when we first met. "She told me over the phone from Minnesota...to say that she had terminal cancer and that she was going to be operated on... That was she was probably not going to survive... Because of complications last time. Last time she was supposedly dead for seven minutes... And she told me how she had these negative experiences [while dead] although everyone else I've ever heard of, who've been dead clinically and come back, have had positive ones. But she had weird ones and stuff... "That day and the day after, a Friday and Saturday, were probably the longest day of my life. It was really hard just sitting in my room and contemplating that I am probably not going to see her again. And I'm talking to her a lot. And so the next day I realized that I could not be in that room anymore. I had to get out. It was a Sunday so I started driving towards Venice Beach. I was just going to go play the drums and zone out. "On the way there I got a page from Regan Senter (I met Eden Rae through Regan, she's done the whole Regan Senter thing and f---ing him and everything like that). And I allowed myself to get caught up in this whole diversion because I didn't give a f--- about where I was going... It ended up being a bad thing. "He paged me and said, I've got a couple of girls here and they need to see this director. They need a ride. If you take them there, you might even get some work out of it. So I thought ok. It became this long involved thing. We were smoking weed, we see the guy... "At the time I was like, I've got to get home... 'Cause my girlfriend is going to have surgery tomorrow and it is really serious and she might not survive. And one of the girls, Kay London, says, I thought we were going to f--- after this. So I guess because I was a guy I allowed myself to be seduced even though it was a bad point... Part of it is just being a porn star. Eden and I were both porn stars. You have to have more of an open mind... And the fact that we are f---ing other people. I had more of an open mind. I cared about her and I thought we were developing a serious thing but at the same time I thought it was more like an open and free thing. Although I didn't want to tell her that I was f---ing girls. But like I was there and it was offered to me. And it's rarely offered to me... "Anyway, I didn't get home until late. And I didn't tell her about it. And to this day, that's the one thing I've never been honest with her about... What I did tell her that Kay London was over at my house. The truth is, I never had sex with her at my house. She ended up getting moved out of a room that she was sleeping in at Regan's that used to be occupied by this wacko Cleopatra. And she and the other girl thought the place was definitely haunted... They were showing me stuff and it was kind of spooky. So I let them both sleep at my house... "So I said [to Eden Rae], it was a weird thing that happened last night. And she said, you had a girl sleep in my bed? And was really devastated. I didn't realize. The way she took it was that it was the ultimate betrayal. I thought maybe I just didn't realize what I did. And I was never able to admit to her... It felt so wrong though I didn't think it was so wrong at the time. It wasn't something that I would brag about, but then again we are in the porno industry and we have sex with people. I thought it was just part of the indulgence of the business. "She's never been able to be honest with me about that fact. She was only honest with me after we were through. Where she was talking to me like I was a girlfriend. She's looking forward to working, she's sexually frustrated. Before that she was always saying that the business was just a job and that there was no joy in it. That she doesn't get off. She's told me that she's never masturbated when she's woken me up a couple of times banging me with her elbow as she twiddles herself with her legs spread open. Do you know what I mean? She's a pathological liar in every way and on every level. "She's obviously not comfortable with who she is. She always likes to put other girls down. She thinks Sylvia Saint is a pig-faced bitch. When every guy including myself thinks she [Sylvia Saint] very attractive. She [Eden Rae] just likes to put people down. Chloe says she's [Eden] a psycho. Eden brags that she's such a professional dom... Chloe tells me that she was doing it all wrong and hurting her... So now I've figured out why Eden was badmouthing Chloe and saying what an ugly bitch she is. I've heard Chloe's side of it and now I know why Eden felt the need to talk s--- about her. "I'm just pissed off at everything that happened this year... "After I got out of jail [January, 1999], I was totally helpless. I was just hiding in my room with the door closed. I was indulging in some drugs... The guy who was with her when I got arrested, when I got back, he had all this s--- in my room. And he was sleeping in my bed, with her or whatever, and I had about a $60 bag of weed. And it was all gone. And I've caught him at times snorting all her coke and s--- like that. She said he could have some. It was the biggest line in all my life that he was snorting. It was enormous. "After I got out of jail, I realized how helpless I was. How helpless I felt. I couldn't do anything. I'm like a prisoner in my own house. I can't get her out of here. Then later I confronted her again and said, when the f--- are you going to leave? This is bulls---. And she said, don't f---ing talk to me about it. I'm going out. I said, bulls--- you're going out. She said, shut the f--- up. Shut the f--- up or I'll cut your f---ing throat. I said, do it. She f---ing goes into the kitchen and grabs a knife. I had enough emotion but I was willing to deal with that, but I didn't want to get on the legal end... So I walked into the bathroom and hid in there. Eventually I came out and she never attacked me with it. "But I said something like, saving your f---ing life was like the worst f---ing thing that I've ever f---ing done. She ended up kicking the bathroom door... There's still a print of her shoe. And to this day I have to replace the shower door that are glass... It's got cracks all through it because she was punching that really hard. "It was unbelievable. I wrote a song... People really like my music... I'm not one of those porn stars who's decided, oh, I am going to do music now. It's always been the biggest love of my life. I think all this stuff has been a tangent as well as a muse for my artistic expression. I wrote this song, God of my domain. And I'm mentioning drugs a lot but it's not because I was doing it nonstop. When I was with her, I did a half tab of acid and just spontaneously wrote these lyrics: God of Your Domain I am God of your domain I spoke and it is written "It's about authority that is twisted and has a God complex and can question people's blind faith in either religion. They don't question things. Oh, this is the word of God. Just because I said so or because it is written. But it's a really awesome song and I think that all the evil s--- that I've gone through, it's set my artistic expression to a significant degree. I really consider my stuff good. I'm very good improvisationally and a lot of my stuff comes out with a dark niche... "There's only one song of my pending first album that was written before I got in the porn biz... and that it's the only simple pop-like song of all of them. ... And it's the only song that is simple and not out there... And it's the only song that preceded the days that I got into porn. Plus my song about being a porno star totals 12 minutes... And that's cut down. It really says a lot. "I feel that I am going places. This girl that I know, Malina... She says she will help make me a success. My stuff is good and everyone always likes it. I know my s--- is good. I'm a perfectionist. I won't stop until... That's the way I've always been with my art. When I was in high school, I was not involved with school unless it was with a teacher that I liked or something creative, but when it came to drawing or photography or writing about a subject that is interesting to me, I would go all out on it. I'd have teachers who refused to believe that I wrote what I submitted. Compared to the way that I work and communicate on a monotone, a disinterested level, that I have these words and thoughts and concepts that are breakthrough compared to anything they've read. "I am a persistent perfectionist. I sing and I play the guitar. A friend has a studio at his house where I've already recorded a couple of songs. A working demo... "It was a euphoric feeling when I was in the music studio. I felt like I was in heaven." Says Eden Rae about accusations against her of racism: "I felt that stating 'well I did an interracial scene so stop calling me racist' would have turned doing said scene into a 'proving myself NOT racist' thing, which it wasn't. I was referred the work by Tina Tyler, who's opinion I trust. She said the guy I'd be working with, and the guy directing, were very cool and would treat me right. "I did do an interracial scene, in May of 1999. I am unsure of the title of the film, as I misplaced the directors number and have not talked to him since I shot it. Tina Tyler was cool enough to recommend me for the job, and served as a reference for the guy I was working with and the director. Jeremy's accusations of racism stem from his being bitter of my leaving him, and my sucess in the mainstream market. He threatened to attack me publically, to try to ruin my career, and has left harrassing messages on my voice mail." Eden Rae writes on RAME 9/7/99: Jeremy is a bitter man, who is lying through his teeth. He is also forgetting to mention his KKK paraphrenalia catalogs, which he has had for years, while saying i am racist. Very funny. There is a difference between calling an INDIVIDUAL a derogatorry name, and calling an entire race it. Evidently he has no clue that there is a difference. For the record..I have done an interracial scene. I DID NOT mention it in the newsgroups because I thought it totally irrelevant to the accusations of racism I have endured. I personally felt that stating 'well I did an interracial scene so stop calling me racist' would have turned doing said scene into a 'proving myself NOT racist' thing, which it wasn't. I was referred the work by Tina Tyler, who's opinion I trust. She said the guy I'd be working with, and the guy directing, were very cool and would treat me right. I even emailed her to THANK her afterward. I didnt even know about what he had said until two days ago. After as much money as I spent putting myself through school, I really feel no need to 'prove' it, swince that would require exposing the name I had during college and put me at much risk. Jeremy was the one who asked his father for the money for my surgery AGAINST MY WISHES. I specifically told him not to Since he was the one asking for the money, not I, and I did NOT want any part of it. I thoruoughly dispute his one sided version of the events. HOWEVER, I had no innate problem sending his father the funds, provided it was between his father and I. I had no address or phone number by which to do it. Very simple. Beyond the above factors, I was again treated for a recurrance of cancer in April. I was unable to work from January through to mid-May. I have not been involved in adult productions as an occupation since. I have done two films this year. I have all but retired. Jeremy Steele responds: Regarding my ex's comments.. she says I threatened to attack her publically and ruin her career.. These are more lies... She says I left harrassing messages on her voice mail.. The ONLY message I left is a few weeks ago, telling her my Father's P. O. Box mailing address so to send him the money she owes (as if she ever will).. I also mentioned that I've learned that she owes other people money as well, but that my Dad had saved her life and she gave him her word and that this has nothing to do with her and I.. And I said that if she doesn't pay him that it is a good gage of how evil she really is. What part of that was a threat? So this addressed her other moronic lie as well about how she had no address by which to reach him (not that she doesn't know my P. O. Box address if she has any questions). Regarding my KKK catalog.. A friend once sent me photo copies of this KKK racist, Daniel Carver mail order catalog.. he's the guy that's been on Howard Stern quite a number of times... I still have it because some of it is funny as hell.. funnier than Archie Bunker... although it's imcredibly moronic, absurd and I have never ordered anything from it, thank you, nor plan to. I've worked with a good number of darker skinned females, as well as f---ed a few "blacks" in my private life.. I love all the beautiful women of the world.. if I have a problem with any race in particular the most, it's probably whites.. specifically american, esp regarding women.. but I'll still give everyone a chance based on who they are individually. My ex used to tell "nigger" jokes in company of others and it was always embarassing and distressful to me.. I forgave to some extent her extreme feelings because of her rape.. but the way she would say the word "nigger: itself with this loud accented spitefulness was really, really disturbed. She's explained to me why she could never work with blacks.. she's been involved many hours on the internet news yak-yak group writing about how wrong it is if it is held against a female performer if she say chooses that she doesn't like working with blacks across the board; that it is their personal preference and right to choose... and that they shouldn't be forced or coerced to do so for political reasons where they would have no choice about it if they wanted to preserve a good public image... And now she's done an "interracial" scene? Well, that's good... one big step towards her recovery perhaps... but I've got to see it to believe it.. I'm sure her motorcycle brothers would love it, too. One time a black man who was doing business with us, who was at our house and had been there a few times before... touched her on the shoulder and she cringed... He commented indirectly to her how she doesn't seem to like him. She's said to me she would lose it if she ever worked with a black guy. She's says I'm lying through my teeth about things and am a bitter man for leaving her.. yes I'm a bitter man.. and a significant part of my bitterness relates to the fact that she wouldn't leave, not that she did leave... and that it took over a month and half and a lot of audacious evil s--- in between until she finally left after her "Jan 1, 1999, the latest", date. `Finally, she said that my Father sent her money against her wishes... that too is bulls---... she never objected to it.. What was her alleged insistence... that she be allowed to slowly suffer and die? That may be a few other people's wish for, but it was never hers. Jeremy: "Have you heard of Primal World Entertainment? It's owned by an evil piece of s--- Nick Richmond. He was born at the same time as my ex [Eden Rae]. I first met him when I was still trying to get my ex out of the house... Niavely, I thought, my life is going good now. I'm hooked up with this guy. Because he told me that I would be getting $250 per hour to be an internet performer. Right now I'm working for $25 an hour at Babenet. "He also told me that I had to quit my jobs. So I quit Babenet and I got fired from Planetary because I told the manager off. They're idiots. Then Primal did not start for another six weeks... "Nick sexually propositioned me from the first day but I let it slide. I should've realized that was a sign. He offered me twice $250 to blow me. If I would be willing to have my dick sucked for $250. I said no thanks. It turns out that he was a total bulls--- artist. All the people he had hired were people he found off the street or who'd been servicing him. He had a few people who had been homeless. "Even Jason, who is now my roommate and is a cool guy, was 18 at the time and on the street. And he was really good with computer, but he [Nick] was taking advantage of the fact that this guy had nothing. Now Jason has been hired by Hustler. Now Nick Richmond has a deal with Hustler. "We were supposed to get $250 an hour [from Primal]. Then when they finally started, we were told we'd only get $50 an hour. Then the guys got cut down to $20 an hour and only one or two shifts a week. So my life was a living hell. And I still did not get paid. They owe me $6-700. "This guy supposedly owes a hitman $30,000 in Denver. He left Denver because supposedly he screwed a lot of people. He got some woman to donate her life savings of $200,000 into his company. He got an AIDS patient to give him $150,000. And all Nick Richmond did was squander the money, just self indulge to no end. He's a big fat guy with a big lumpy fat ass. With all the lumps hanging out in different spots... And he just indulges with that money on these escorts... He spends $500 a piece and does it a few times a day. He managed to blow all that money in a short time... "He ended up screwing BVE (Business Ventures Enterprises), the investors in Primal World. He told them that they would be making a million dollars a month by the third month. By the third month, they hadn't made a f---ing dime. I was the only guy that people [on the internet] would come in and see [Jeremy would jerkoff alone]... But 98% of the time, nobody would come in. "He lied to me. I did research on you and your reputation is s---. What the f--- are you talking about? You haven't been working in the business for two years. He knew that. He heard my ex Eden Rae on the phone screaming like a maniac when we were in Minnesota... I had called him right before my dad sent the money. And I was pleading... "Honestly, I told her... She was going to kill herself and that sort of thing... And I was caught up in the s---... And we were flat broke... I'd been previously offered by Nick Richmond... He told me that I could make $3-500,000 a year doing gay porn. And I'm not into guys or anything but we were in no position... So I said to her, I'll do this if I can make that much money. I'll do it if I can save your life. I thought it was a really noble thing to do. "She reacted by saying that if you do that, I'll leave you. From that point on, she has always thought that I am a closet homo. I'm not because if I was, I'd be doing that and making a lot more money. I don't have a problem with gays but I am not into guys... I'd have a lot more fun. To clarify..that's based on how many guys gawk, gaze.. and the lack of head tripping, mind runaround games and bulls--- they play compared to females. "So Nick was telling me that I hadn't been working in two years. And I said, you knew that. You were the one who told me to dump that psycho ex I was with... Because I had quit the business to be with her. I had felt bad about f---ing Kay London, etc... I was supposed to have gotten home to get her calls [Eden Rae's] and I had gotten high and lost track of time... When I realized how devastating it was in her mind, I quit the business. "He knew that I had been a victim of rumors. And he said that one of his purposes was to represent me and to call World Modeling and not to do that anymore. But he was just boasting, he never picked up the phone to do that. "At one point, I was hearing a different rumor [by World Modeling] about me every week. That I do gay movies. That I have gonorrhea... Steve Austin started the rumor that I shoot my dick up to get it hard... I know there are guys in the business who do that but I've never needed to do that. But he concocted this story that talent had seen me walking out of the bathroom with my dick up and a bag of stuff in my hand. "We were gonna let bygones be bygones... but then I get a three way call from Solveig and Santino Lee at 3:30 am explaining what happened that night with Santino and TT BOY.. thus leaving me to conclude that I will definitely not get back with World Modeling, now that I know they're making s--- up that Santino said TT has aids. "I was going to beat the f--- out of Steve Austin at the XRCO Awards in January of 1997. Gene Ross at AVN told me directly that Steve Austin had called him to tell him that I am shooting my dick up. "I planned to confront Steve Austin. I didn't even care that I would be taken to jail. I was going to make a f---ing point. Because you don't f--- with people's money... You might as well break into my house and steal my s---... "But anyway, at the XRCO awards, TT Boy rushed Santino Lee [a black male performer]... Santino had a falling out with World Modeling as well. He never registered with them. He feels that their policies are racist, because they have questionaires about whether you will work with black people. It's the only race that's addressed. And that World Modeling was charging fees to companies that Santino was working for even though he wasn't even registered with them. Santino speaks his mind... So we had a similar animosity for them. "Anyway, TT Boy rushed him, saying why are you telling people that I have AIDS. Santino said, I never told anyone that you have AIDS. Then it turned out that the story came from World Modeling. "World Modeling wanted to f--- with Santino Lee but they did it at T.T. Boy's expense. TT Boy is a regular guy who hangs out there and f---s the girls in the bathroom and has at least a relationship with World Modeling. But they put him through that mindf--- to attack Santino Lee... "I had told Solveig that night that I was planning to beat the f--- out of Steve Austin... World Modeling, these guys are f---ing evil scum... "Next time I see Jim South is at the Nena Cherry, John Stagliano HIV scare at the back of VCA. And I noticed that Jim had this disturbed look on his face. Steve Austin must've told Jim about my threats... Jim South was giving me this look, a combination of hands caught in the cookie jar, he knows that I know he's been saying s---, and this angry look... You're actually going to attack me? And an angry look and a disturbed look... I kept seeing him glance at me from the other side of the room. "It was really taking a toll on him emotionally. He was just sitting up in that office like a sitting duck and if someone wanted to do something to him, they could. My ex Eden Rae and I had a lot of violent fantasies that we would like to do to Jim South and Steve Austin. We'd never carry them out but we had some comical ideas. "I used to think Regan Senter was a piece of s--- but I respect him more now than Jim South. At least he's honest about what he does... He's manipulative with that demo tape but at least he's honest. Jim South does the same thing [sex with talent]... He [South] also uses blackmail and revenge tactics." Luke: "Does Jim South use blackmail tactics to get girls to blow him?" Jeremy: "I'd say so. I've heard enough stories, especially with the girls who don't get any work. This is what I've been told, I can't say that this is my knowledge. Girls have told me directly that they have had to f--- him. Also, I've seen the Kris Kramski documentary Porno... Where Jim South calls Kelly Jean, you need to come over to my suite if you want to get work..." XX writes: What is wrong with these people (and those who have issued similar dramas on your pages)? Am I the only one who wonders how they can *possibly* be so messed up? And what about taking responsibility for their own actions, as opposed to whining all the time? Given that porn is supposed to be a fairly lucrative industry (says LA Times, anyway), this is pathetic. Jeez. Jeremy Steele responds: I say to XX, he's an ASSHOLE. The Industry overall, makes billions, but (REVELATION ONE:) PERFORMERS themselves DON'T MAKE s---!!... As I ALREADY said, it's THE most expoitative business that exists... AND, I DO take responsibility for my own actions.. That doesn't mean that I don't have the right to vent and express my feelings, etc.. does it?? I'd like to see "XX" say to my face that I'm whining... He should understand how retarded and cut-throat the biz is.. There certainly are alot of f---ed up people in the biz.. but everyone's f---ed up, anyway, in some way, at least... and that certainly doesn't exclude people who don't have better things to do than reading Luke F-rd's site like "XX" ... and even if you are such a regular, normal guy (whatever the f--- that is)... it would still be an enormous challenge not to get caught up with the f---in' bulls--- in some interesting way.. Just the fact that you're associating with such an entitity that the adult entertainment industry, is., means getting s--- on you. Because I exclaim about it in some way doesn't make it whining... I play down my feeling most of the time... Otherwise I would've killed a few people by now. 9/13/99 Eden Rae writes on RAME: I find it very funny that Jeremy Steele called Luke F-rd PURELY to disparage me within DAYS of my posting photos of my self and my new love to my web page. Ironic that he would choose to pull this crap as soon as I made public the fact that I was with someone new. It also coincides with the publication of a great deal of graphic design work that I have done for a number of clients. All the ad's billboards and banners that have gone up in Hollywood, including but not limited to the work I did for the band Straight Jacket, went up and were printed with Graphics by: Steeling Eden Production (888)***-**** credits. Seems to me that Jeremy saw that I had moved on, expanded my company, was doing well in mainstream, and got jealous. His response was to lash out by slandering me using the only 'journalist' irresponsible enough to print any unsubstantiated allegation that a spurned ex-lover made. Porner Jeremy Steele phoned Monday. Jeremy: You give everyone a chance to say their thing... You can be criticized for editing and stuff... Anyone can say anything on RAME... Eden Rae says she has billboards... I don't know what she's talking about... I haven't seen anything. She has a new boyfriend? How long is that going to last? Anyone who's been with her will know that she's f---ing whacked. She says I'm jealous. I'm relieved that she it out of my life. She's the one who can't let go of me. She still has my name in her illegitimate company, Steele Eden. I feel sorry for the f---ing guy unless he's as evil as she is, then they deserve each other. She says that I'm jealous of all the mainstream that she's done. She never did any mainstream when she was with me... She talked about this and that... It's my birthday. My dad used to always send me several hundred dollars for my birthday but now I don't get anything because of the money she owes him, and he's holding that against me. There's an enormous bill that I have to pay... I can't whore myself like her for a $1000 a shot. She can and she has done that... She doesn't address any of the stuff that I've raised... It is too overwhelming... It is all true. If she was smart, she wouldn't even address it but by bringing attention to it, they are going to end up reading what I have to say... You've told me that people have sent emails that they believe me more than her... Because I admit my shortcomings and weaknesses... It is easily confirmable that she's been working under a false ID... And if you ask her to provide a hard copy, she can't because she doesn't even have the false ID anymore... She can only provide of old photocopies of the ID from old copies of old HIV tests... Her company is illegitimate and not registered... 9/17 Jeremy Steele (jeremysteelexx@hotmail.com) says that Hustler magazine wants to do a profile of him as soon as he gets some work. But he needs work, so the magazine can accompany him to a set. Steele has one of the biz's biggest pop shots. Here are Jeremy Steele's opinion of porner's opinions of Luke in poem form... Although it's true Luke F-rd makes mistakes He is, at least, a source you can root a story to He's been attacked for spreading gossip Because of absolutely no sense of or need for responsibility
I've heard it come back to me, that I had aids, Well, y'all, that's very funny... It must be true, right? Because I heard it, too. Once upon a time, I shared alternative info on HIV
It's all about research.. we must each do it After all is said, the truth is like steel Steele writes: I looked through all the archives of
recent history and found more stuff on me, my ex and what other's have
said as well, and would like to respond... 9/21/99 Eden Rae writes on RAME: So, since I am now getting hate mail after doing that f---ing scene, I wonder was it even worth what I was paid to do it? Probably not. I was villified here for not having done one, when the opportunity hadn't even arose. Now, I get crucified for doing it. Ahhh whatever, no surprise that I decided to retire now was it? No one gives a damn about the talent, be it the producers, companys, or the fans themselves. No one wants us as we are, for who we are, they want us to do what they say when they say it, and be damned with the consequences for us. Not to mention gossip hounds that say they are journalists yet print every accusation and line of crap fed to them without any substantiation from any biased source with a grudge. If you choose to step above it, and not respond, people assume that your admitting to it, if you deny the bull your lying anyhow. Any asshole who can turn on a computer seems to be doing just that, and it is they and not the relatively few relatively intelligent persons that bother to engage in these tirades and slanderous rants. Unfortunately, it allows the propogation of malicious, hurtful rumors and allegations to continue. If a few more balanced individuals took the time to put a less spiteful and more sane twist on the garbage being spewed by a handful of idiots, maybe the industry and this NG would have been worth staying with. Its sad to feel the need to walk away from a part of my life that had been somewhat pleasant til recently, despite the occasional asshole/childish remark from a flamer or a troll. Unfortunately I have been forced to leave the L.A. area due to a resurgence of threats to my life, a few claiming to have been from my attackers. I will be flying into L.A. for mainstream film work, and am stuck now hiring a bodyguard to accompany me anytime I am in L.A. without con tutti l'anima, my love. Wonderful how easy it can be to terrorize someone isn't it? Even self-important astute 'journalists' will get in on the fun, no matter the cost to a womans (or a mans) safety. 9/23/99 Jeremy Steele writes: It must have been an extremely interesting interracial f--- scene with Eden Raetard .. an olive skinned white supremist supporter who's vowed how she hates blacks and, because of her rape, and background, could never do a scene with them.. I'm dying to see this one.. and how it's precipretated hate mail against her. Hey, at least give the wacko credit.. although it keeps her hyprocrite counter up real high.. She's said she would never do ron jeremy but she did alex sao paolo (a hispanic version of the same rotundness) more than once.. she said she would never do Peter North because he's bi, but reniged on that (although she never got the job, anyway).. she made it a strict point not to hire escorts in her productions.. but became a pussy provider for the upper class. I find it fascinating to contemplate the intricate, perplexed entanglements of her logic, coupled with her fears/desires and her low sense of self-worth, made obvious by the her need to incessantly put herself on a pedestal, and others down. I guess deep, down, despite her upbringing and her experiences, she craved that big, black dick.. but then again.. It's obvious, even though I haven't seen it yet.. that she still had a few serious issues with what she was actually doing... Again, if her motorcycle brothers found about this and confronted her.. it would be quite an entertaining sight. I'm also amused of how she presents herself as a victim... of terrorist threats and the like.. I'm sure Hitler and Stalin felt threatened too. Gee, I wonder what those threats against her have to do with? I'm sure I've lost track of all her antics by now. I've said to her a couple of times that perhaps all the violent things that have occured within her life to, from and around her have something to do with her own personality.. That caused her an enraged.. "HOw DaRre YOu?!" sort of reaction. All I know is I've never had such a volatile relationship in my life.. With the occassional flings and girlfriends of my past that I've had... I've never had any hard feelings for any of them.. I would never wish the slightest harm... but regarding Eden Rae.. I've been to levels of evil-driven insanity to where I was ready to stop at no end.. I was ready to kill or be killed... I was ready to walk away from all my possessions and walk the streets to get out of it. Eden Rae is as evil and insane as one can be... Fortunately.. she's managed to ostracize herself from even her most out there associates.. due to how wacked she is.. otherwise she'd be even more dangerous. I now fully understand why there was noone there for her before we met when she had surgery from which she might not have survived.. I was caught up in her cancer and it eclipsed from my eyes, for too long, what she truly was and is... I now say it is less accurate to say that she has cancer.. and more accurate to say she IS a cancer. 10/31/99 Jeremy Steele (jeremysteelexx@hotmail.com) writes: Luke.. I just got back last week from a ten day trip to Prague, Czech Republic, perfroming 9 scenes for Private, Pleasure Prods and some other company (I forgot).. It's a beautiful city... We were in the local Czech newspaper after doing a scene on the rooftop in the city that was in full view of tenants, the gov't health administration and an infirmery, where we supposedly made the day for some terminally ill old people who hadn't seen any sex for a while.. I was not enjoying the idea of it all.. I'm not THAT much of an exhibitionist.. plus it was pretty f---in' cold up there... When we first got up there, the first thing I noticed was a class of young school children in the building right across and close by.. I expressed my dismay to a mr____ but he offered the addage of "who cares" and said I should wave my dick at them.. Fortunately, we at least filmed away from them being able to see or hear anything... Me and this guy, Attila were working with this crazy statuesque Romanian girl who was standing naked over the roof and yelling down to passing cruise ships, and the old ladies and children in the park below.. There were, at one point about 4 local guys standing from afar on the roof and watching.. and apartments that were 30 feet away...it was very bizaar. I met the lovely sylvia saint at the chez moi restaurant and ran into her again at the erotica 99 fest in the city.. There was a live sex show on stage.. There's definetely less hangups about sex there. I had a great time and now I'm back in L.A. and I think it sucks. I noticed on your site that some opinionated ignoramus named Becky Carols was talking s--- about me.. she obviously knows nothing about me, and not enough about my ex.. It is she who was arrested for threatening me with a gun.. she has hit me, etc, etc.. I am not the violent one.. I have not threatened her.. neither am I a racist.. so shut up and f--- YOU, MORON ... I'm sure I have more darker skinned friends than you and I would suggest you check out what I said in entirety before you spout your clueless banter. Also, for all interested, we were never legally married (thank god). 11/2/99 Jeremy Steele on Cops Jeremy Steele and his ex-girlfriend Eden Rae appeared on the TV show Cops last week. Eden Rae replies: "I was not, nor have I ever been, on COPS. Jeremy is either hallucinating, or trying to slander me, either way, it is ludicrous. I have been living a very QUIET yet incredibly busy life since I left L.A. and any rumor to the contrary is simply that, a rumor. You may wish to inform him that I have a civil attorney on retainer, and have advised him Jeremy's continued slanderous behavior. We are seriously considering suing." Jeremy phoned Luke Monday afternoon: "I would like to see it [incident happened in December of 1997]... I was crying... I feel so stupid. I remember it well. It was on Franklin and Hollywood. I had her six foot boa wrapped around my neck. I had set her up. I had told the cops to go looking for her. She was looking for me and I wasn't sure if she was going to shoot me or why... It was after she threatened me with the gun and I ran out of the room... "I was hoping it would get buried somewhere... I'd love to get a copy... I want to see it but I don't want to see it or draw attention to it. Oh God, I guess I got famous. "I had a great trip to Europe. Sex is just part of life there, there are no hangups about it... They have billboards there with naked women on them... And where children can see them... It's just part of life... There's very little silicone, most chicks are natural. "She had waved a gun and threatened to kill herself... It was all over a video titled Al Borda's Dirty Video #8, which I still haven't seen. And she said I had humiliated her in the scene. "It was for Marc Giffy in San Diego. And the scene went well... We were both dressed up. I looked like a freak back then. I had the long goatee. That's the monster I was becoming with her. She had emphasized how she wanted to be romantic... When I'm with someone I care about, I tend to let go and be like a child. More innocent. When I do scenes, I'm normally very removed... The question for me has always been - how do you look professional and be intimate at the same time? "Marc has his own editing bay and discovered that the tape to our first scene was f---ed up... So we had to redo the scene. And I let go and acted silly. I was tired. At one point while I was titty f---ing her, I was making these noises like a groundhog. And to her it was so incredibly humiliating to her. And one thing led to another until she threatened to show me how much pain I had caused her by putting a leash on me, be handcuffed and be naked except for a G-string and be walked on my hands and knees outside. "And without pointing the gun directly at me, she was threatening me... She had threatened to kill herself in the past... I've explained to you how I felt guilty about fooling around when she was about to have [cancer] surgery. And I tried to make up for that and I allowed myself to get submissive and she took advantage of it. The more I tried to understand, the more I lost who I am... She's totally devoid of common sense. I tried to assimilate myself into her realm and the cost was my own sense... "At one point, she put the gun (a .44) down and was trying to handcuff me... I lunged and grabbed the gun and ran out of the apartment, almost handcuffed and wearing only a G string. I run upstairs to the manager's apartment and he called the cops... "On the night before, she had fired bullets into the adult movies I'd been in... It was weird. I could f--- other chicks for a living but I could not play a submissive to any. To her that would be the ultimate betrayal. And she shot the hell out of this movie Blue Dahlia I was in with Misty Rain, it was her first DP. "Eden Rae told me to meet her on Franklin...and I told the cops... The cops get off on these games... There were five or six cop cars there and she was arrested and crying. By this point there were camera crews there and I was crying... I think I stupidly said that I loved her and that I was sorry that all this had happened... I was crying. They were interviewing me in my emotional state and I had this big boa snake around my neck... "She said she was going to kill herself in jail. At that point I said that I would leave the business. I haven't been rock solid since I've been with her anyway... I was feeling guilty because every time I did a scene, I felt miserable. And nobody wanted to hire her. It was her personna and her tattoos and at the time she wasn't in the best physical shape. She got in better shape later on once we both started going to the gym and she started doing a lot of drugs. That helped tone her up. "So I quit the business though she stayed in... I felt fine about that... In actuality she never really worked anyway... "I don't understand how Becky Carols can decipher how full of s--- my ex is, yet, she'll believe whatever Eden is saying about me, that I'm a devout racist and violent to her. For Christ's sakes, look at the f---ing police records for Jasmine Gresinger, Eden Rae's real name. If you f---ing go to the Hollywood Station you will find on record what happened... That pisses me off that someone will perpetuate bulls---. I don't consider it too damaging to my reputation because I already have enough mythological stories. But it doesn't help. I don't appreciate this opinionated moron. "Obviously Eden Rae is easy pickings to criticize and mock... "Anyway, I was supposed to work today for Don Fernando but the girl cancelled at the last minute... A college girl, oh, I have midterms... Another flakey bimbo... "People can see what I look like: www.starmale.net. And in free pics, guy number one is me. It's a gay oriented site but it's just me standing there naked from the waist up. Because my main living right now is the internet [solo jerkoff scenes]. The guy I'm friends with is gay, he made the site... And he's trying to sell videos. I did a solo jerkoff thing." 6/28/00 JeremySteeleXX@hotmail.com writes: Dear Luke, There's a FREE CLINIC in North Hollywood, called CLINICA NUEVA ESPERANZA (formally known to some in biz as Clinica Santa Nancy). The lady there, Dr Kelly, as we call her, is wonderful. She is really helpful in free pointers on improving your overall health. They offer PCR/DNA Tests with 24 hour results for $80.00 They offer FREE HEPATITUS B VACCINES.. "I've heard" that you just need to claim that you make $700.00 per month, or less, to qualify. HEP B Vaccines are important because HEP B is curable, and people can have it without knowing it. Symptoms of HEP B include loss of appetite, fatique, jaundice, muscle pain, dirrhea, vomiting and it can cause liver damage (cirrhosis), liver cancer or even death. The clinic also offers FREE STD SCREENING.. and FREE treatment for STD's, and FREE Pap Smear and Vag Cultures for females. The number there is (818)509-8908.. They are located at 12910 Victory Blvd.. off of Coldwater Cyn Blvd. They are open Monday through Friday 10am-6pm. Today, I was at Kris Kramski's house, for first rehearsal for his Vivid Film FREE SEX ON EARTH.. I met Devon, who is playing my girlfriend. He said I did a fantastic job.. I'm trying to get him to give me more lines so I can qualify for Best Actor Nomination.. I get to play guitar and sing a song I wrote, based on his Theme "No Rules, No Limits, No Shame" This is cool, because this is the first time I get to work for Kris since before I left the biz in 1997.. The year "Lisa", which I was the lead male in, won Best American Film by Canne's Hot D'or awards. Yesterday, I worked for Playboy's SexCourt TV.. that was fun.. After the performance with Judge Julie Strain (Who signed my F.A.K.K.2 Screenplay aka Heavy Metal Pt II, since I've been collecting Heavy Metal magazine since the month I turned 15 in 1983). Me and Raquel Moore got painted completely white and had to improvise some slow sensual dance, but it went well. And while I'm here, I'd like to ask why are people talking s--- about me? I hardly ever work, but since I've been back, I've been hearing even more s---.. Why does Dick Nasty say I use Viagra and recently spread disease? I never did anything to that guy.. Now I hear that I'm so damn negative.. Go figure... Anyway, Sorry, but I had an extremely bad 1999, and I had, on occasion, lamented about it.. But I'm well past that, I'm a really nice guy, I'm a solid performer with a big pop shot(see the adam film world guide 1998), I have regular STD screenings at Free Clinic I mentioned (as well as the documentation.. How many people do that?) I'm in better physical shape than ever, I'm in SAG/AFTRA, and believe it or not, I'm modest.. My only problem really is that I speak my mind, and when someone says or does something I don't feel is right, I speak up, and BOY, has that taken it's f---ing toll on me in this business.. It's amazing how many things I hear about me, when I hardly work in this business at all... 10/19/00 Disturbing Trend In Straight Porn - Not Enough Attention Paid To Male Actors XXX wrote to porn star Jeremy Steele: I'm not gay but I've noticed this disturbing trend in new Str8 porn, especially in the last two years. There is less attention to male actors faces, bodies and personalities. All you see anymore is their hard juggernaut dicks going in and out of one hole or another. Perhaps you see them at the beginning of the scene, but after that, the guy is just a big juicy cock going in and out of something until the pop. If I were an actor, I'd be pissed about this. I'd want fans of all sexes and sexual orientations to be able to say my name when they saw my face, or be able to associate my face, name, body and cock. We know that str8 porn is mostly for str8 men who don't care what a guy looks like... but don't producers and directors know that women and gay men can be marketed to buy these films if men were even a little more showcased? In the mid 80's and early 90's there was still more women's bodies, faces and pussies than men's faces and bodies. But at least every now and then you'd get a shot of they guys face as he comes, or a mid range shot of his whole body, and sometimes, the camera would pan his whole bod and face for about 30 seconds. Now, they are hiring more and more buff and handsome studs, but just showing their dicks drilling. What gives? Any of your wisdom, Jeremy would be helpful. Jeremy responds: I've been out of the porn loop for a while and it looks like I'll be leaving the business soon.. though I will still stay in touch.. But moving on to bigger and better things.. Thanx to the universe and it's friends.. It looks like I will be doing some well paying hugo-boss type of modeling jobs.. And I won't even have to take my clothes off, let alone expose myself in everyway and risk my health and life for survival wages... But to answer your question.. This business is slowly evolving... It's gained respect, acknowledgment from society to significant degrees.. It's attracted more attractive models male and female, which have in turn attracted more attractive models, male and female.. Although, overall, more or less, the biz is still run by unconscious idiots with the imagination, awareness and aescetics of door knobs.. It's sad that these people are telling us what sex, or sex-on film/video is.. When I entered the biz in 1996, I said to so called "agents" and directors that porn certainly is viewed by women and gays, and even straight guys want to see attractive looking males.. that this doesn't make you gay.. It brings more out of the females, adds aescetically.. adds to the dimensions and possibities, attracting more better looking female models as well.. But I was told that the biz is only watched by straight males and that we guys are just props.. I said "Bulls---" and "Speak for yourself" and that people want sex.. But they also want things which include sex, but go beyond it. When someone wants sex it's not just sex organs, but the whole package, inside and out, even.. The possibilities are endless.. And so these idiots keep to the tried and true, to avoid being overwhelmed.. Maybe by focusing on a guy overall that might make the cameraman and director's gay... And since guys are getting better looking.. They better not do that.. There is hostility for the unknown.. where knowledge and evolution and truth lie.. So they block out the growing dawn that sheds light on the realities they've lived hidden in.. by zooming in and the same old tried and true pumping sex organs.. to keep a sense of safety and balance in their sad one- demensional lives. 3/1/01 Jeremy Steele Interview A Louisiana college student wrote Jeremy Steele: Hello Mr. Steele, Sorry for the delay in this message, I hope that you aren't too pissed at me. Porno 101 definately sounds cool, that would never be allowed in Louisiana, we are too christian and way too republican. Perhaps you could teach one of those courses, I think you would be able to provide some insite, both negative and positive. Just a thought, also I had an incredibly strange dream about you last night. I dreamed we had a game show together. I was the host, and you sounded like MR. T. You were sent on ten blind dates and four studio contestants had to guess if you were going to score. They each won $100 everytime you did and they guessed it right. Basicially a profile of the girl would come up, like tiffany, 23, stripper in las vegas etc, and the contestants would have to decide if she would put out or not. Then we would see the date with you and her, and if you did indeed "nail" her the show aired it, like the whole scene. It was like a XXX gameshow. If they guessed right they won $100, who ever had the most money at the end of the show won a chance to be in a porno movie with you (the women) and the men got a chance to star in their own scene. Like I said it was strange, and I usually don't dream about people I don't know. Perhaps that's why I think you sounded like Mr. T because I have never actually heard you speak without singing before. Questions: 1. Where does your musical inspiration come from. Other artists or from some sort of spiritual guide, a muse if you will? 2. At what age did you start your music lessons, or are you a self taught musician? Was it always your aspiration to become a rock star? 3. What was made pornography appealing to you, why did you choose to take that road instead of mainstream acting? What makes it appealing to you now, especially after the way the industry has treated you? 4. I went into the video store to rent one of your videos. It was one of the most embarrassing incidents. I felt ashamed to be seen renting such a video. How do you deal with such hypocricy? Most people won't be truthful about watching porno, but that industry makes millions a year, someone has to be watching it. How do you feel about that? 5. Religious aspects. Most major religions look down upon porno. In fact, the christian coalition is trying to get porn banned. They say you are going to hell. How does that effect you? Also a church that my aunt goes to, The House Of Faith (yes they sound and act like a cult) preaches about soul ties. They say that when you have carnal knowledge with someone ya'lls soul will connect, and won't break. therefore the more people you sleep with, the more turmoil you will have spiritually and subcontiously. I don't believe in this personally, but that is one way of explaining the guilt often assiciated with sex. Your thoughts go here____________. 6. On the man cow show, they not only dissed your song but didn't even listen to it. They said to stick with your porno job. On the str8malepornstars e-group the fans you have there didn't seem too interested in your musical endeavors. How do you intend to reach more listeners? Do you have any plans to start touring the club circuit? How do you feel about not being taken seriously by those who should support you (by the way your new songs are excellent if you want specific feed back let me know.) 7. I was intrigued when you told me that your family doesn't know what you do for a living, what do they believe you do? Do you ever feel guilty about the charade you put on? When I have a problem in life, I usually turn to my family ( I suppose it may be a southern thing ), but who do you turn to when you need to discuss life? 8. It's quite evident that Jeremy Steele is a character you play. I know personally that you have a strict line between the him and the real you. How do you keep Jeremy Steele from invading your personal life, and do you find it harder to distinguish him from you as time goes on? 9. Last one, if you ever have children will you be truthful about what you did before they were born. Will you encourage them if they too decide to go into pornography? That's all, I hope they aren't too superficial, or too long. I truly appreiciate you reading over them. Thank you sincerely Jes. Jeremy Steele writes: Hello Mr Golightly, I still remember you asking me my real name, yet you are still going about as Jes Golightly.. Ok, whatever. Is this how you introduce yourself to everyone.. Can I find you listed in the University? Very amusing dream. Mr T?! LOL I had a dream too. Forgot what it was, though. It had something to do with having sex. Go figure. But don't get me wrong, there's much more to me than that. Well, I guess you know that.. That's why we are here at this point. I thought I was gonna be rescued in the "real" world by a Tiffany, age 24, at the time, who was very rich and beautiful.. We spoke alot, etc, she discovered me at an internet site and her cousin and her are related to a former senator. But then she met someone else, perhaps more suited for her, although she had once said she thought we were "soul mates". She would never be a vegas stripper, but I could've talked her into it, if she was with me.. She'd do it just for the sexual liberation. Anyway, let's commence (But let me say, I'd like a copy of the graded report when it's done): 1. Life is my muse, some of the insane things I've gone through, like my ex, also the world, in general. I have issues with "love" and authority, people that have faith without reason. I don't like greed, arrogance or ignorance via indifference, either. When I create songs, most of the time, it's completely spontaneous, unrehearsed, at first. If I discover I like it, I'll mentally work on it, and tie up the loose ends. I feel that I am channeling my subconscious, perhaps the universe, as well. Some beautiful and profound stuff has come out sometimes. I enjoy creating music, and have lots of it. Currently I'm gradually putting more of my demo songs on at www.mp3.com/jeremysteele. As we speak, I have 13 songs on there. My musical influences are varied, but center around the classic rock period: The Doors, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, etc. I also like The Cure, Depeche Mode (especially remixes), Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana, Primus and many others. My favorite classical music artists are Chopin, Liszt, Mozart and Beethoven (But I'm very critical about the composer.. It has to be, in my opinion, done the right way, regarding timing, pitch, feeling, etc). My favorite Jazz artists are Miles Davis and Stan Getz. I'm always in a continual search for good music and expanding my horizons when I'm not working on my own. 2. I was a little league baseball all-star between the ages of 9-12. Our team won state championships, as well. I loved it. But at home, my Step-Dad had a guitar sitting around, and I gravitated strongly towards it. My uncle, also, is a fantastic guitarist. Then at age 12, I recieved my first guitar lessons by a classical guitarist. He taught me to play with my finger nails. To this day, I still have longer finger nails on my right hand (But I have this damn nail fungus my ex's nail salon gave me that I've been suffering through for a couple of years). I also had another classical teacher at age 14. I learned how to play "Dust In The Wind" and "Stairway To Heaven". By the time I was 15, I was forgetting about how to read the music sheets I was taught because I had too much restless, creative energy. I learned a good rhythm hand and to play lead guitar with one finger; no pics. I always had the dream/desire to be a "rock star", so to speak.. For years, I had put it on the shelf, but continued playing, singing songs that come from nowhere. Early on, at age 15, I bought a book called "The Platinum Rainbow", by James Riordon, and it sort of dissuaded me to pursue the "business of music" because it seemed like such a near-impossible dream. Plus, I couldn't get buddies to show up to jam, let alone to think I could get an assemble committed and not clashing with each other, seemed analogous to having 4 wives and making it work and not losing your mind. 3. It beats telemarketing, which is what I used to do, for 14 months prior to getting into porn. I choose the lesser of two evils. I was at my wits end with that job.. And one morning, I'm walking to work, around 5:45 am, and sitting on the sidewalk in front of me, like a welcome matt is a clean, perfectly centered local adult newspaper.. Without thinking, I picked it up, put it in my napsack and continued on. After another gruelling day at work, I spontaneously decided to start calling ads in there that were by "porn star/escort" women. Using my skills of sales and manipulation, which I had well ingrained, after all those months (I used to sound sexy over the phone to get what I wanted from receptionists), I improvised the story of how I'm a young, attractive male trying to get into the adult entertainment industry so to support a young child (the latter part I lied about, felt it was necessary to do so, so to get the attention off me just being another guy who wants to get paid to get laid).. You can say my child was my own creative muse. Anyway, one woman offered me $75 to come f--- her in front of some regular old client. So I did it. She was a semi-haggard mother with two kids. Her client, she told me was, a lottery winner, an older man with erectile dysfunction who would pay her to watch her f---. It turns out he liked guys. She told me I could get $250 per time to get my dick sucked, once per week. At the end of the f---ing session, he asked me how much I'd charge to get blown by him, and I said $1000.00, just to see what his reaction would be. He just shrugged. Of course, it never happened. If he had said yes, I, honestly, don't think I would've done it. The woman I f---ed also gave me a number of some guy called Regan. I called him and his voice was loud and seemed bothered asking "Who are YOU?? What DO you want?" Eventually, I called him back and he said I had to bring a girl into the business in order to get into the business, myself. I found out later, after I got into the business, that he has all his female talent have sex with him on camera for several minutes as a "demo" tape. Another woman I spoke to in the paper, referred me to a so-called agency; a man who calls himself Mr. South. To this day, I've never met this woman, but I told them that this woman personally referred me to their agency. I came in, even though they almost never take new guys. There was a female working there as an assitant/talent coordinator. I went into the backroom with her, where God knows what has gone on, at times, and I had no problem getting my dick hard for her polaroid shot. And to make a long story short, I hung out at the office and two weeks later, got my first job, and that's how it all began. I actually have been in the actor's unions: Screen Actor's Guild and American Federation of Theatre and Radio Arts since 1992, and had pursued the whole movie star dream, took extensive acting training classes for over a year. But, I wasn't going anywhere. I came to feel, as time went on, that I had to something extreme to get out there and be recognized. I feel the xxx newspaper on the sidewalk was my calling, perhaps my denigrated destiny. Porn still appeals more to me than telemarketing, or being a slave in some corporate scheme or anything else I find as morally reprehensible, despite the occupational hazards. The male and female performers who are on top of the s--- pile live a good life.. I have a considerably larger shadow of my self called "Lexington Steele", and he makes 6 figures a year. Although, it takes it's toll on you and can be a lonely and hollow existence, one can build their future on it. The problem is if you're not on the top of the pile, the rest are fighting their way up and knocking each other down along the way. It's a very cut-throat, ruthless rip-off business, and the most innoucous part of it, at times, is that we're having sex with people we just met. 4. I used to feel the same way, before I got into the business, and even a little after I got into the business. That's the sociological, religious phantom hanging above you saying, about sexual desire, that "It's wrong. It's shameful. It's weak." Then again, you go into a video store and look at some of things some girls are put through and you say to yourself "It's wrong. It's shameful. It's weak." There's nothing wrong with sex. God or nature gave us the inherant need to f---.. As spiritual beings, we have to keep things in perspective to keep from getting inundated and lost. And sex on film is nice, and can be great in many ways, even transcendental (ok, I'm speaking "Advanced Sex Theology", for most of you, here) but the business is still run mostly by the same people who were around when making porn was illegal, so the same mentality pervades. Now that porn has become more accepted and less taboo (as well as legal), their churning brain wheels say that it is necessary to push the envelope even further. They've been outlaws, and, by golly, they are going to remain outlaws. Instead of considering doing things that people would really dig, like a great mainstream Indiana Jones movie with a f--- scene in it, they now piss on the girls, spit on them, call them whores, choke them, spread their mouths out with their fingers like a maniac, slap them around, tell them their sister sucks dick better than them. But now, a new sheriff has rode into town who supposedly prefers white powder over poon-tang (even though his name is "bush" and the vp's name is "dick"), and the industry is s---ting bricks. I, personally, think there's way too much money in the biz, and republicans are ruled by money. I think they're just gonna shave off the rough edges. The monster is too big to kill.. The monster has slept in the white house already, so to speak, anyways. Porn has been embraced many times by Howard Stern, VH1, public news, etc. Porn is waiting to leap into the world, but the porn biz itself thinks it's necessary to get more extreme. The latter will not endure. I feel things are coming to a head, but it's a far cry from the end of porn. It will carry on, just more viewer-friendly, and less insulting to one's intelligence and aescetic tastes. More people than ever admit watching porn and feel no embarrasment, like in the past. It's almost the new fad and fashion in the bigger cities. As long as the biz doesn't shoot itself in the foot, it should be able to walk into the grand stage of mainstream entertainment. 5. You said "your thoughts go here_________." Sorry, but I need more room than that. Just with the little snippit of religious reference you just gave, you really conveyed how disturbed and intense the "in the name of God" convictions people have. What makes it so intense, is that it is sexual tension shaken up and repressed, like a carbonated soda can. And the intense, repressed energy goes into the head and the emotional body and just as much as the sexual areas, is ready to explode upon everyone. It IS disturbing, even frightening, to contemplate. The truth is that all energy is the same, it is just a matter of where you focus it. The same energy that is generated in the sexual organs can be channeled into the heart and then that is love. It can go higher into the chakras, to the head and one can even reach enlightenment or nirvana or something like that. If I'm going to Hell, that is my business. I personally think we are already in Hell, but we don't realize it. It could be a heaven, but we are not so evolved, yet. And it is not so eternal because God, I guess is not as much of a sadistic, merciless f--- as ManUnkind is. We are searching for the next world instead of looking at this one. We are waiting for God to come and row our boat instead of rowing it ourselves. But religious people don't know about God, or at best, they know "about" God, but they don't know God, otherwise, they wouldn't be so mentally and emotionally disturbed. One can't find God in a church, only in one's heart or soul. If your heart and soul happen to be in a church when you find God, then more power to you. Especially with all those strangers surrounding you who think they are part of you, who, like pushers on the street, try to convey that they know what is what because of where they stand or kneel. People f--- and f--- with each other all the time, in many ways. If there is the karma of inheriting their turmoil, why would it only be limited to when they are having sexual intercourse? 6. Regarding the Chicago Mancow show I was on, what can one expect from an asshole, but s---? His whole persona is some sick hybrid of Howard Stern (who he, ironically, tries to put down instead of giving homage to)and Rush Limbaugh. He's into interviewing porn stars but he's more into putting them down and making fun of them, to make Himself Seem funny and entertaining. I sat there, nicely, and just listened to him talk and laugh at his own stupid jokes.. Like the one about gay midgit porno.. It took him about 20 seconds to get over his own stupid joke. Like Limbaugh, he likes to listen to himself talk and thinks he's so enlightened. He doesn't notice that man is born with two ears and one mouth, which means you're supposed to listen more than speak, but this guy gave me very little opportunity to speak.. During the time I was interviewed he spoke much more than me. I'm sure his audience was about as satisfied as pigs in s---. I'm continuing to work on my music, rehearse, record in the near future, and put up demos of songs I've already recorded (I have many).. I love what I do (re:music), I've received enough positive feedback to know that people do enjoy and that there is potential in it. Hopefully, as planned, I will also have a website, and I'll have all my music linked to that, as well. You asked how it feels to not be supported by those who should.. Are you referring to the porno biz, itself? You can't expect the porn biz to acknowledge a great artist, can you? That would be like a homeless man, in an alley, acknowledging Van Gogh or Monet while he's taking a short cut with a portrait, he just sketched, in his hand. Even if he cares to notice or is so inclined, I'm not gonna stop and ask for the greasy homeless man's oily hand print stamp of approval.. I'm gonna keep walking. Thankyou for your praise of my works in progress, by the way. 7. My parents thought I was doing telemarketing for much longer than I was.. Now I tell them I do courier driving, which I have done, once, before. My parents are very liberal minded, but they also would expect more of me, and would be very disappointed and concerned that I'm risking my life f---ing a bunch of whores and becoming one, as well. But I've never told them what I've done behind doors of bedrooms and bathrooms, anyway. Besides that I'm honest with them, and I also turn to them when I want or need to talk. I also have a good friend or two, somewhere. 8. Jeremy Steele is Not a character I play. I consider it as who I am. I just changed my last name, anyway. In the early days, I thought I was becoming the new Jeremy Steele.. I was more sexually adventuresome and wild.. I'd whip out my dick out in a crowd of other porno people.. I was constantly trying to get laid, in all sorts of places.. It was fun, at times. Eventually, I came to discover, this business is about getting f---ed, in more ways than one, and between the meager pay and the falling out with certain people, who precipitated nasty rumours which costed me alot of work and peace of mind and castigated me into a mythical world of carnal lore, I became less of a wild guy, most of the time. Now, who I am, in my personal life, and who I am on camera, besides deliberate character attempts, are no different. 9. I will never bring children into this world.. Maybe, I would adopt one day, if I ever was so inclined, but one should clean the house before they invite more people in, so to speak. This world is over-crowded, poisoned, we are a pestilence upon this earth. We are like infants with machine guns; with more power than we deserve or know how to deal with. The gap between technological and mental and spiritual evolution is ever-widening.. Eventually, it will all come to a head, in some way. I love children too much to bring them into a world of cops, and judges and businessmen looking for green and red; money and blood. But, if I were ever to have kids, I'd tell them what I did, if they ever asked. I'd say "Daddy did bad things, in a bad world.. When you grow up, I hope you are wise, that is all I can say.. Learn from life.. Ride the bike and fall down and get up and ride it again until you know how, and hopefully by then there will not be a severe law against falling down. Of course, if I'm there to run with you and catch you when you fall, I will".
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