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FOXE Awards 2/19/06

Serena Serena Serena Serena Sierra Sin, Miss Meadow Sierra Sin, Miss Meadow Jacklyn Lick Jacklyn Lick Jacklyn Lick Jacklyn Lick Jacklyn Lick Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Miss Meadow Felix Vicious Felix Vicious Sunny Lane, Gianna Lynn Sunny Lane, Gianna Lynn Devyn Devine Devyn Devine Gianna Sunny Lane Sunny Lane, Gianna Sunny Lane, Gianna Sunny Lane, Gianna Sunny Lane, Gianna Sunny, Gianna Tera Patrick Tera Patrick Tera Patrick Tera Patrick, Evan Seinfeld Tera, Evan Tera, Evan Tera Patrick, Evan Seinfeld Christy Canyon Christy Canyon Rachael Rain Flower Tucci Flower Tucci Flower Tucci Flower Tianna Taylor Tianna Taylor Tianna Taylor Tianna Taylor Tianna Taylor Tianna Taylor and date Randy Spears, girlfriend Ericka Lockett Ericka Lockett Flower Tucci, Sunny Lane Flower Tucci, Sunny Lane Flower, Sunny Flower, Sunny Flower Tucci Flower, Sunny (L-R) Lori Lust, Rachael Rayne, Flower, Sunny, Gianna girls Girls Girls Bethany Sweet Bethany Sweet Bethany Sweet Lori Lust, Bethany Lori Lust, Bethany Lori, Bethany Lori, Bethany Lori, Bethany Brooklyn, Quincy Brooklyn, Quincy Alexus Silver of Bang Bros Alexus Vixen Vixen Christy Canyon Alicia Rio Alicia Rio Christy Canyon, Alicia Rio Christy Canyon, Alicia Rio Christy, Alicia Alicia Rio Christy, Alicia Christy, Alicia, Bill Margold FOXE Awards

I who once wrote songs with joyful zeal
Am driven by grief to enter weeping mode.

My first industry event was the FOXE awards (on Hollywood Blvd) in February 1996.

Feb 19, 2006. 6:40 p.m. I jam a copy of The Consolation of Philosophy in the back of my bluejeans, swing my camera around my neck, and trudge through the cold to the entry of the Mayflower Club where I bask in the friendship of Bill Margold, Monstar, photographers JR, Dr X, Richie, and company.

I became aware of a woman standing over me. She was of awe-inspiring appearance, her eyes burning and keen beyond the usual power of men. Her name was Serena.

At the sight of her, the Muses of Poetry fled.

Monstar says my site has turned into the Holly Randall Fan Blog. He skips over my Holly stuff and "goes for the meat."

Bill reprimands me for writing about Ericka Lockett blowing her friend Brandon Irons in the parking lot across from World Modeling. "Sex is the least interesting thing to write about porn people," he says.

Margold and I reminisce about old times. We've had our disagreements but Bill's always been a father-figure to me.

"I brought you into this industry," he says.

I feel good to learn that everyone me is reading my column. When it is time for me to be inducted into that great FOXE Awards in the sky, I'll be able to argue that my work touched lives.

Margold describes Serena (who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area) as his second favorite porn star of all time, next to the love of his life Viper.

I ask Serena (ClassicPornSerena.com): "When was the last time you were at an industry event?"

Serena: "I don't know if they had events in my day."

She hasn't been back to an industry function since her retirement in 1982 (she began in Los Angeles in 1972).

Serena: "Bill has always been my best buddy. He's my big brother and you can't f--- your big brother."

They did one scene together. "We never really got off on each other. We've always gotten off on each other psychicly."

Luke: "Have you stayed in touch with him over the years?"

Serena: "I haven't until 1989 I called in the middle of the night, evidently, and talked to Viper. Viper and I started talking on the phone all the time and I got to know her before I got back with Bill. I just recently got back with Bill and now I'm here."

Serena hasn't stayed in touch with anyone from porn. "I lived with Jamie Gillis for a couple of years, until about 1980.

"Do you know how handsome you are? My God!"

Luke: "Thank you."

Serena: "It's nice being next to you."

I mention my memoir, Rebel Without A Shul.

Serena: "I'm a converted Jew. I converted to Judaism in 1996."

Luke: "Why?"

Serena: "My rabbi (Rami Shapiro) is extraordinary. I love him. He's Reconstructionist.

"My second husband is Jewish. I went along [after the marriage]."

Luke: "What kind of experience was it to convert to Judaism?"

Serena: "I've always been a little bit of everything. I was raised with so many different religions in my family. If you ever get a chance to pick up a book by Rabbi Rami Shapiro... He writes beautiful books. I'm a definite Reconstructionist. I'm beyond Reform. My politics are way over there too."

Luke: "How has it affected your life to become Jewish?"

Serena: "Really well. I'm very happy with it."

Luke: "Are you still married?"

Serena: "No. Unfortunately. I had to leave him. I did fall in love with somebody else. I still hold on to the Jewish faith. I was driving along the streets the other day with Bill. I don't know where I am. Everything's changed in Hollywood. He says, 'Where do you want to have lunch?' All of a sudden, I say, 'Canter's! I've got to eat at Canter's!' So we went to Canter's."

Serena says she observes the High Holidays. "Yom Kippur is distressing but I like all the meals."

Serena's first marriage ran between 1970-80 ("but I only lived with him for about four years, we were just lazy about getting the divorce"). She has a daughter who's almost 30 and lives in Las Vegas. The daughter was once a contestant in the Miss Florida. She has a daughter.

Luke: "Why did you get into the porn industry?"

Serena: "I wanted it because it was like... The hippies had started it. They were just ahead of me. I wanted to follow that enlightenment. I was a flower child. I really believed in it. I wanted to rebel against the establishment. I felt that doing something illegal was a good thing. I still do. That's kinda why I'm back because the government is so conservative right now. I feel like I have to make a stand."

Serena grew up in LA. "I moved to San Francisco because Berkeley was calling. It was my ideal. I went to New York and met Jamie Gillis and we lived in New York for a while."

Luke: "How has being in the industry affected your life?"

Serena: "It's always been a wonderful backdrop. I've never been ashamed of anything I've done. The only thing is is that I had my insides taken out. I had a hysterectomy. I'm pretty sure that that was the business that screwed me up. But aside from that... My daughter has her head screwed on straight. She has a beautiful daughter."

Luke: "How did your daughter deal with your being a porn star?"

Serena: "Well, her dad (Thomas) was too. I don't know if he had a stage name. He's in Honeypie. He was Johnny who comes marching home. I was the poor Southern belle with my black companion."

Luke: "Was she conceived on a porn shoot?"

Serena: "No, she was conceived on a floor in Toluca Lake. I remember exactly."

Luke: "How did your being a porn star affect your daughter?"

Serena: "She's always been a serious person, so I don't think it affected her much. She's always known exactly what she wanted and done exactly what she wanted. She had her own ideals."

Luke: "How did being a porn star affect your love life?"

Serena: "While it was going on, I was really interested in being a porn star because I didn't get any at home. I was always lonely at home but on the set I could f--- and I wasn't lonely. After I left the business, I was fine. I never took it mechanically. I was always into coming and having glorious orgasms."

Luke: "How did men react to your being a porn star?"

Serena: "My second husband [they were together 15-years, from 1984-1999] came after me because I was a porn star. I was dancing at the Mitchell Brothers' O'Farrell Theatre. He came to see a show. He was angling to get me. When I did get with him, he turned me against the industry. I fell for it because he was rich... He was very possessive. I lived that way for 15-years. Finally I had enough. I don't have my identity anymore. My identity was in my teens and early twenties."

Luke: "I don't understand. You didn't have your identity because you weren't a porn star anymore?"

Serena: "He had squashed me. He had changed my name. I just wasn't myself. He made me ashamed to be Serena. I could never introduce myself as Serena. It was like Patty Duke was Anna and they made her into Patty Duke. You can't do that with somebody."

Luke: "Hand in hand with love comes jealousy."

Serena: "Oh yes. Eight years later, he's still flipping out. I didn't mean to break his heart or ruin him or do anything. I've never felt guilty either. It just wasn't working for me.

"I have to go from one man to another. I learn a lot from each man that I'm with but I can't stay with someone for that long. One guy I'll stay with for four years, the next guy for five years, the next guy for 15-years, and they guy I'm with now, I've stayed with for seven years and we're still learning from each other. I'm perfectly happy. I'm a serial monogamist. I never cheat on anybody. I always learn from them. Eventually I just go on with my life. I'm hoping this is my last, but who knows?"

Luke: "How has being a porn star affected the way regular people interact with you?"

Serena: "I still get asked for autographs. People still recognize me because of my background."

Serena sees a hot waitress she met two days ago with Bill Margold. They hug.

Serena: "I've never ever had a [platonic] girlfriend except for Leah who was my best friend when I was four. I think it's because I was in the industry. I've had lesbian relationships. I'm bisexual. But I've never been able to hold a friendship with a woman. I've had friendships with men. Maybe I'm a man's woman."

Luke: "Maybe women feel threatened by you, that you might take their man."

Serena: "Maybe so. It's a shame.

"It was nice being a porn star. I was up on a pedastal the whole time. I've been up on a pedastal eversince. That's why I broke it off with my second husband because he had me on a pedastal all the time and I couldn't live up to it. Now I'm here and Bill is treating me like he is in awe of me. I'm hot s--- on buttered toast. It makes me feel good."

Luke: "How did your family react when you got into porn?"

Serena: "Not well at all. They said, 'Get out of the house.' I had a reunion with them years later [circa 1988].

I talk to John Douglas and Dave Michaels.

"There's Brian Sebastien," I say into my tape recorder. "He's good friends with Sandy Bullock."

"It's surreal having you recount every minute of our conversation," says John. "We'll start calling you Memento. You must have a tattoo on your body that says, 'Rob Spallone is a good guy.' Another one around your neck that says, 'Paul must die.'"

Chaim Amalek writes me: "Can you get me a date with Christy Canyon? We four (you and Holly) could double date. And don't tell me she's married. If she can screw guys on screen, she can double date."

John and Dave wander off to record more scintillating interviews.

I interview Miss Meadow, who's been in porn for three years.

Meadow: "I started doing amateur stuff in Spokane, Washington, when I turned 18."

Luke: "Why did you start doing that?"

Meadow: "My boyfriend and I were kinky and thought it would be fun. So I did it. I got discovered on the internet and brought down to LA. Eversince then, I've been coming back and forth. I live in Idaho (near Spokane) and here."

Luke: "How do your neighbors in Idaho react to your being a porn star?"

Meadow: "Obviously there's no one else in the area that does what I do. People are shocked. That's OK. My family knows now and they're cool with it.

"I don't go telling everybody. People who know me know. It's not like everyone [her Idaho town] says, 'There's a porn star.' I'm a totally normal person."

Luke: "What do you love and hate about the porn industry?"

Meadow: "I love the money. Any girl who says she's not in it for the money is lying. I hate a lot of things about it. The worse thing I hate is agents. I haven't had an agent in six months. They're pimps. You don't get to choose when and what you want to do. I hate having to wait for a check for a month-and-a-half from a big-ass company. The amateur people pay you then and there. I like doing that stuff better. I don't like doing big features."

Luke: "How has it affected your life?"

Meadow: "It has. I can't say it hasn't. It's affected my relationship with my boyfriend, but we're still together. The same boyfriend I had when I started. Our sex life became weird. I don't know how to say it. Jealousy is not an issue. There are other issues. Sex becomes desensitized. At my age, 21, I shouldn't feel like I've done everything.

"I have six brothers. I understand men just as well now. Men have different fetishes. I can't judge a guy because he pulls a bitch's hair and calls her dirty names because that's what gets him off. The guy can't help what gets him off."

Luke: "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Meadow: "A missionary nurse. I was raised Christian."

Luke: "Are you still a Christian?"

Meadow: "I believe certain things. I'm not not a Christian, but I don't go to church or anything."

Luke: "What happened?"

Meadow: "I grew out of it. My whole family's Christian. They didn't find out for a while. My mom is a little disappointed. She's a lot cooler than I thought she'd be. My dad, I haven't talked to him for years."

Luke: "What kind of crowd did you hang out with in highschool?"

Meadow: "I went to an alternative school. It was a lot of hippies and hicks and stoners. I'm still a stoner. I started smoking weed at 12 but I wasn't a true stoner until I was 14."

Luke: "What do you do in your spare time?"

Meadow: "I smoke weed. That's about it. I have a medical license for it. It's legal. You just go to a doctor and it's like $250. You tell him you have a certain problem, he doesn't care, and he gives you a license and you go to a pot store."

She says she doesn't worry about going to college or not. She says she's done only six scenes during her stay in LA. "I'm a lazy porn girl."

Serena walks around looking for the hot waitress.

I interview Felix Vicious, who got into porn four years ago.

Luke: "What do you love and hate about the porn industry?"

Felix: "I love the f------ and the money. I hate being pushed around by people who don't think I have a brain."

Luke: "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Felix: "I never had an idea. I didn't think about growing old. In the past couple of years, I decided I wanted to become an audio engineer."

Luke: "What kind of crowd did you hang out with in highschool?"

Felix: "The bad crowd [in Denver, Colorado]. The ones around the corner smoking cigarettes and ditching school, except that I didn't ditch school. A lot of punk rockers.

"My parents wanted me to follow in my brother's footsteps. He was a cop.

"In highschool, I got one F. I passed all my other classes and graduated with a 3.0 GPA. I got into porn at 18."

Luke: "How has porn affected your life?"

Felix: "Oh dear. It's taken a big toll on my life. I don't think I could ever have a normal relationship ever again where a guy isn't going to see me and say, 'Ohmigod, that's Felix Vicious. I know what she does for a living.' I've had to grow up really fast. Being 22, I shouldn't know some of the things that I do know."

Luke: "What's it like having a relationship while you're a porn star?"

Felix: "It's so f------- hard. I just got out of a relationship a couple of months ago. When we got together, he said, 'Everything's fine. I can accept it.' But after two years, it was working away at him. He was breaking up with me because of the porn. I quit doing goy-girl for a while but it still ate at him. It's more that you need to find a guy who can accept you for who you are rather than what you are."

Luke: "Have you dated within the industry?"

Felix: "No. I think that's my problem. Most cute porn guys are so taken.

"I can separate myself from the porn industry. I live down in Orange County and have a 9-5 job at Guitar Center. All my co-workers love it [that she's a porn star]. The day I got fired, they went out and found all of my movies. They all accept it...when I have to take time off to do a shoot."

Luke: "How did your family react to your getting into porn?"

Felix: "All my mom could say was at least I'm not a prostitute. She came out to Vegas last year with me and stayed with me and hung out with me. I think it opened her eyes, that I'm not just having sex. She's OK with it. She loves it. When I got the centerfold of Hustler, she took it to work [with the pages of spread-shots ripped out]."

I chat with director James Avalon. After I bait him long enough, he proclaims, "I am not gay. I have never had a gay experience, unlike Luke."

Luke: "How has being a famous porn director affected your personal life?"

James (married in the eighties for six years to a nude model who almost became a porn star until Anthony Spinelli talked her out of it): "Most people don't know that I'm a famous porn director. Aside from Barrett Blade calling me up from Barnes & Noble after reading The Big Book of Porn[: A Penetrating Look at the World of Dirty Movies by Seth Grahame-Smith] a little article on me. Aside from that, nobody has recognized me in public... In Ralphs, I look like I've just come from a surf session, like I've just walked off the beach."

Luke: "Don't you smell of ATM [ass to mouth]? How can you shoot ATM?"

James: "I learned from the master Vince Voyeur. The first ATM I shot was a DP gonzo for Bad Seed. I didn't even bring it up, just mentioned it. Lauren Phoenix was in the middle of doing a fiery DP scene and said, 'I want that thing in my mouth.' She did like four or five of them in a row."

Luke: "How did that make you feel?"

James: "I thought it was funny."

Luke: "You didn't think it was disgusting?"

James: "No. She was all cleaned out. They all clean themselves out before the scene, enemas, douches, showers, etc."

Luke: "That's why you went to college [Brigham Young University], so you could shoot ATM?"

James: "Yeah, there was a course in shooting ATM. All film schools should have courses on how to shoot porn."

Luke: "After you write a script, do you have to go to a lot of story meetings?"

James laughs. "Adam & Eve is an exception, but the other companies, [the attitude is] 'I'm sure if you wrote it it's good.' That's why Bustful of Dollars is about a porn director who gives his script to the guy who owns the video company, who takes it, puts it in his hand and says, 'OK, it looks like a script.' The director, played by Manuel Ferrara, says, 'Aren't you going to read it?' The owner says, 'I don't have to. I know that if you wrote it, it's going to be a piece of s---.'"

James (author of the 1990 science fiction novel Future X): "I was in a relationship for about ten years. She had a problem with it. She talked to her father who was a psychiatrist who said it was a form of entertainment. She talked to her brother. He turned out to be a fan."

Luke: "When did this relationship end?"

James: "About a year ago."

Luke: "Did you crawl into a fetal position in the shower and start crying, 'Why me?'"

James: "It ended not for the reasons you think."

Luke: "She got a restraining order?"

James: "No. She had ovarian cancer. The last five years of my personal life has been taken up with that."

Luke: "Are you able to date again?"

James: "It's not a high priority."

Luke: "Could you date a girl who did ATM?"

James: "I'd make sure she used mouthwash before she kissed me."

Luke: "Why are you in porn?"

James: "I am in filmmaking. I just happen to get successful and a lot of jobs in porn. And it's fun to do. I've always been attracted to the sexual act as a visual form."

Luke: "What sort of experiences did you have growing up with pornography?"

James: "I grew up Mormon, so I had none. The biggest thing on my mind was pussy. When you're Mormon, you grow up thinking sex is a bad. It's such a dark hidden secret, it becomes an attraction."

Luke: "Is James Avalon a man of faith?"

James: "No. I am a dedicated atheist. I pretty much became an atheist at BYU.

"I had a weird experience once. I thought I was in the presence of demons. I decided to confront them. Then I realized there weren't any.

"There's a certain honesty in Satan worship that you don't find in Christianity."

Luke: "How many women have you talked out of getting into porn?"

James: "Five or six."

Luke: "Maybe you will get to Heaven."

James: "But I won't get the 72 virgins unless I strap on some bombs."

Luke: "Why haven't you shot any Muslim-themed porn movies?"

James: "I just started thinking about doing that.

"I wrote a novel about a Muslim feminist terrorist organization that had discovered a chemical they could put in into a softdrink and it would incubate inside a human body over several months and with the right chemicals it could form a pressure bomb that could blow up half-a-block."

When James had threesomes with his wife, that meant him bringing another guy home. Usually nothing gay happened.

I interview Tianna Taylor who retired a decade ago.

Luke: "What brought you back tonight?"

Tianna: "I got that little bug. I'm turning 30."

Luke: "Have you missed the industry?"

Tianna: "A little bit. I'm a little disappointed in the AIDS. It's a whole different way of business. When I was in it in 1993, it was a small family. Now there are over a thousand talent [working on any given month in Los Angeles according to AIM]. I'm a little skeptical about what people do in their personal life. I'm here tonight to meet people."

Luke: "How did being a porn star affect your life?"

Tianna: "It didn't affect my life. I have no regrets whatsoever. I was very shrewd. I was a businesswoman. I loved being in front of the camera. I loved who I worked with. I'm totally over it now."

Luke: "It must've changed you in some way."

Tianna: "It changed me to be more independent and to make money. I've been a chef for nine years now. I'm one of the top ten chefs in Las Vegas.

"I'm here in disguise. Not for my fans but for my personal... I miss being in front of the camera and being around my fans. The sex."

Luke: "The adulation?"

Tianna: "I love everything about it. I have no regrets."

Luke: "How did it change the way people look at you once they know you're a porn star?"

Tianna: "There are a lot of people who look at females who are attractive with big boobs and not want to get to know them. I wanted people to get to know who I was inside. A lot of beautiful people are discriminated [against]. [Porn] is not something I normally talk about."

Luke: "How did it affect your love life?"

Tianna: "I was in a beautiful relationship for seven years. A real man accepts a woman. I was with a great guy for three-and-a-half years. In between, I had a girlfriend. I've been very open about it."

Luke: "Did it come up if you were in a fight?"

Tianna: "Absolutely. It was the first thing they'd throw in your face. I'm a very generous person. But there's a lot of resentment.

"I grew up in Beverly Hills in a wealthy family. I never got involved in drugs or alcohol. The money of my family was brought up more so than my porn career. That brought up more resentment, that I was daddy's little girl. That hurt me."

Luke: "How did your family react to your getting into porn?"

Tianna: "I was very business... I lived in beautiful homes and had great animals."

Luke: "How did your family react to your getting into porn?"

Tianna: "They really didn't react to it because they saw..."

Luke: "They had no reaction to your getting into porn?"

Tianna: "They didn't like what I did."

Luke: "Why did you get into porn?"

Tianna: "Because I was very fascinated by what's behind the camera."

Luke: "Fascinated by what?"

Tianna: "What was going on behind the films. I was a virgin until I was 19.

"It was fascinating that people became fans of mine because I did a great job and still are fans to this day.

"I went to college for child psychology. I got my AA."

In highschool, "I was a loner. Nobody liked me. I was the ugly duckling who turned into a beautiful swan. Everybody wants to talk to me now."

Monstar tells me: "You've been sullen all night."

Brian writes: "Luke...stop posting these pictures and ruining my fantasies. First I saw... and almost puked, then Christy Canyon who seems to be holding it together, then my all time favorite Alicia Rio, those years of doing drugs have caught up with her, she has that "i don't do drugs anymore" look. I want to remember these whores for how they were in their heyday, stop posting these fantasy stoppers."

Smelly Monkey writes on XPT about my pictures:

Not quality enough for me to give the full monkey treatment, its more images that should make us think and reflect on our lives and the direction we want to go. At least that's what happened to me.

Jacklyn Lick: I have this ability to read people and I'm just glad that she's happy with her life.

Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld: They make a great couple, I think this one has a chance to last the distance, i wish them and their future children happiness.

You look great Randy [Spears], have you been working out? And who is this pretty little thing? She's too good for you Randy, (we all laugh). I'm just kidding, have a great night kids.