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Monday afternoon, Holly Randall asked me via AIM if I was going to the LADM party that night.
I was so taken aback (after not having heard of the party) that I had to drive to Ralph's to buy ten pounds of orange, eight pounds of bananas and 100 feet of mint dental floss before I could answer her.
Still, I felt empty inside. Insecure. Needy.
So off I drove to the drug store and bought a Black & Decker Crush Master to make my smoothies.
Getting and spending, I laid waste my powers.
"Where's the party?" I finally asked Holly.
"It's invite only," she replied.
I didn't want to crash. I had too much pride to go uninvited.
"I guess I'm not going," I told Holly.
Holly agreed to give up dope if I gave up listening to Debbie Gibson. Perhaps if I gave up Air Supply and Barry Manilow, she'd quit drinking.
I emailed LADM and asked for permission to come to their party.
Lisa Ann said sure. I called her for the location. "Are you bringing someone?" she asked.
"No," I said.
"Bring Holly," she said.
"That's a good idea. OK."
Holly calls at 5:32pm.
"Your moral leader," I answer.
"Pfff...At least one of us knows what we're doing.
"Our baby horse was dying when my mom came down. By the time the vet came there, she was dead. [The horse was worth about $10,000.] It was an illegitimate horse."
Luke: "The parent's weren't married?"
Holly: "The mother was still a yearling. One of the young stallions boinked her..."
Luke: "Without a condom?"
Holly: "Irresponsible horses."
At 6pm, Derek emailed me back: "You can come if Holly comes with you. The Port, 12430 Riverside Drive."
I called Holly. She's booked to go to the party with her ex-boyfriend and coworker Chris.
She said to print Derek's email. She laughed that I can only get into the party if I go with her.
After a decade of responsible porn journalism, I'm debased to the point where I have to ride a beaver photographer into a party. Combined with the Cowboys late-season collapse, my life is grim.
Holly called me at 9:38pm as they wee pulling away.
They beat me to the party in Valley Village by 20-minutes.
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Losing my religion. Trying to keep up with you. And I don't know if I can do it. Oh no I've said too much. I haven't said enough. I thought that I heard you laughing. I thought that I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you try. Every whisper of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions trying to keep an eye on you like a hurt lost and blinded fool. Oh no I've said too much. I set it up.
I run into Holly. She's leaving a message on my cell phone.
The slip that brought me to my knees failed. What if all these fantasies come flailing around. Now I've said too much.
The ratio of "Happy holidays" to "Merry Christmas" to "Happy Chanukkah" greetings I receive are about 8-1-1.
I run into Vince Voyeur. "I published something bad somebody wrote to me about you," I say. "What are you doing now?"
"I'm directing features for Zero Tolerance," since Vince.
Silvio and Billy Banks get a hold of me and correct my report on last Thursday's shoot.
Silvio: "Silvio's a businessman, not a penitentiary man. Fix that s---. Silvio's never been to the pen. I was just talking s---."
Luke: "You said you were."
Silvio: "I was just talking s---. I was just having fun with Tony Eveready, making the black man feel good."
Billy explains that he doesn't talk to anyone before a scene. It was nothing personal against me.
Silvio: "Take that s--- off about Silvio. And I don't have no kids, dude!"
Nick East says I'm like Gorillas in the Mist ("The story of Dian Fossey, a scientist who came to Africa to study the vanishing mountain gorillas, and later fought to protect them"). "We converted you to become one of us," says Nick. "Instead of you just watching from the outside, you became a part of it. Now you are one of us. And you're much happier."
JMT writes: "Gorillas in the Mist is the wrong movie."
I chat with Tory Lane (still with her husband Rick Shameless despite rumors to the contrary), who introduces me to her mother. They say they're best friends. Before Tory entered porn, she told her mom, "I'm going to get my slice of the pie." Her mom said, "Get the whole pie."
They cheer when I repeat the story into my taperecorder.
Tall slender blonde Aaliyah Jolie says she's been in porn since August. She's done about 20 scenes.
Luke: "What prompted you to get into it?"
Aaliyah: "Nadia Hilton is from my same home town."
Luke: "What are your plans?"
Aaliyah: "To do porn for four years and then go back to New York. I'm a cosmetologist. I'll have a business there. Build my house. Invest. I have a baby. I take care of my son."
I didn't realize that Barrett Blade has been married to Kristen Price for over a year.
Barrett appeared in all the early Digital Playground features but they haven't used him for over a year.
Tory Lane's mom tells her to get out on the dance floor. "There's no point in coming to a party like this unless you dance."
I walk into the bathroom. It makes me nervous to urinate in front of other guys. Unless I can find my own private stall, the adrenalin pumps and I can't pee.
I find my stall. Silvio standing up to the urinal and repeatedly sings, "Luke, don't write anymore bulls--- about me." It plays havoc with my release.
I run into Tony T and ask about the director Mason.
Tony: "She's been in the company [Anabolic] for nine months and she got fired three weeks ago."
I ask Chris, the owner of Anabolic, if Mason has been fired. He says no. He says Mason is still with his company.
Tony: "She was at another company, in the office, to get a job and she got rejected. She doesn't know what she's doing and she's a ruthless bitch. She's dumb to use my name [as someone who threatened her over the Delilah Strong affair]. She offered me $2,500 to perform in scenes. She can go f--- herself."
Luke: "When you called her about Delilah Strong, what did you say and what did she say?"
Tony: "She used my name. He [Chris Charming] was there that day when the s--- happened."
Chris, from Germany, nods. I don't think he wants to get into the middle of a controversy.
Luke: "Mason says you threatened her."
Tony: "I did threaten her. That wasn't a threat. I was going to do it. I keep my word.
"That dumb motherf----- Yani [a friend of Mason's who was on set for the Delilah Strong incident], she's running around with. She uses my name."
Luke: "What shape was Delilah Strong in when you saw her?"
Tony: "She was f-----up."
Luke: "How so?"
Tony: "She was crying."
Luke: "Was she swollen?"
Tony: "She was bruised, swollen, crying like crazy.
"We do porn, man. We're not trying to kill people. On top of all of that, [Mason] brings my name into it when I had nothing to do with it.
"Mason will never go anywhere in this business. Everybody knows who she is and everybody knows who Tony T is."
I turn to Charming. "Chris, you were on the set where Delilah got hurt. What happened?"
Chris, in stumbling English: "There were two scenes. In the first scene, I got only that her toe was hurting her. I don't know how it happened. They didn't know it was broken.
"The scene was long. It wasn't easy. It was a hardcore scene. We were laying in dirt. Sawdust was flying around.
"When she left, she was in pain.
"I didn't recognize what happened to her until after the scene. And it didn't happen in my scene [with Delilah]."
Charming has been in porn for ten years.
In 100-minutes, I take more than 200 in-focus photos.
12:16pm. Holly's had a few shots and a few beers.
Chris asks her back to the dance floor.
That was just a dream.
XXX writes: "Apparently a lot of girls have a beef with Tiffany Taylor. Too bad no one threw down -- that would have been fun. I think they should all duke it out in pillow fights. How hot would that be?"
Jane writes: "Luke, have you got a therapist? You are really weirding out on your site about Holly Randall. You should talk to someone about it."
Vilnii writes me:
That's my last Shiksa painted on the web,