Luke Is Back




Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Email Luke Archives Photos Stars XXX-Communicated The Producers Aug 1

Sexual Differences

Women's sexual drive tends to be related to their menstrual cycles, while men's drive is fairly constant. The hormone, testosterone is a major factor in stimulating men's sexual desire. Women, on the other hand, are stimulated more by touch and romantic words. They are far more attracted by a man's personality while men are stimulated by sight and physical appearance. Men are usually less discriminating about those to whom they are physically attracted. A man needs little or preparation for sex. However, a woman needs to be emotionally and mentally prepared, often hours in advance. Her preparation requires tender consideration while harshness or abusive treatment can easily remove her desire for sex for days at a time. When a woman's emotions have been bruised by her husband, she can be repulsed by his advances. They feel like prostitutes when they are forced to make love while feeling resentment toward their husbands. However a man may have no idea what he is putting his wife through when he does such a thing. These basic differences are the source of many conflicts in marriage, and they usually surface soon after the wedding ceremony.

The principle of authority and submission is not based on God's word alone, but also observable in His creation. The practice of a Christian woman's covering her head, her head as a symbol of subordination to man is a reflection of the natural order (I Corinthians 11:14-15).

Montana Gunn In New York City

Hey ya all I will be in New York playing and also doing a few movies. I will be offering 1 hour appts for $1000 and check out my new website at all current pics and you can contact my assistant Lisa 818-312-1836 for more details and setting up appts. Have a great day and see you in New York City.

KSEXRadio's All-Star Lineup

Julesjordanvideo wrote on "KSEX seems to be doing alot of thing, I just hope the talent is taken care of over there."

Wankus from KSEXradio writes:

No one is held against their will. If they weren't being taken care of, I would think you'd see a decrease in porn stars hosting shows as opposed to an increase. People like Katie Morgan, Alana Evans, Rebecca Love, Cytherea, Brooke Hunter...with us for over two years. Ginger Lynn, Kylie Ireland, Gauge, Keri Windsor, Dee and Lisa Sparxxx...with us for over a year. New stars signed on like Kaylani Lei, Stormy and Teagan.

It would be pretty hard to keep that ALL-STAR roster happy if they weren't getting something out of it.

Let's leave this thread what it was and you and I can chat more sometime off of this thread. I'm an open book my man. Nothing to hide, anyone that knows me knows that I'm on the level, fair and fun to be around. Hit me up, we'll have a beer sometime and chat.

James DiGiorgio's To-Do List

Anyway, here's my list: whatever day you're reading it:

1. Wake up.

2. Wake up again after falling back asleep right after the first time I woke up.

4. Stumble down the stairs to the kitchen and make coffee.

13. Drive to the Valley to deliver this CD of photo images I forgot to burn on the set of the last shoot I was on.

14. Shoot a scene... actually, reshoot some wrap-arounds for a comp tape the producers of the tape decided to change because they changed the scenes they'd planned to include when they originally planned the scenes to include in the comp.

15. Go to a couple of different banks to see if a couple of different checks I've been carrying around are finally good.

16. Stop at the Goodwill and see if there's any more junk I want to buy to further clutter my living environment.

19. Get stoned.

Howard Stern Recap

A caller told Howard he's sick of Howard talking about terrorists. He said that Robin gets all of her facts wrong and Howard only reads 3 lines of a story and doesn't give the full details. Howard told the caller that he saw Condoliza Rice on Bill O'Reilly's show last night talking about how there are 16,000 illegal immigrants coming over from Mexico every day and some of those could be terrorists because Mexico allows them into their country. O'Reilly asked her why we don't try to keep these people out of our country and she would not answer. The caller said he doesn't care about that because Howard should just try to be funny instead of talking about this nonsense.

The caller ended up hanging up on them Howard moved on to Corina Taylor who was on the show a few months ago talking about how her step-father and mother watch her videos together. Howard wanted to find out if the father gets turned on when he watches them. The father says he doesn't get turned on but Howard had to bring him in to get a lie detector test done.

No Peeing Shots In Latest Penthouse

Publisher Bob Guccione is apparently giving that a rest. Though there is some woman-on-man strap-on action in the November issue.

The Naked Truth

Cindi Loftus writes:

Larry Flynt's platinum personality, along with his golden wheel chair paid a visit to Fort Lauderdale tonight. He sat long past his 7pm-9pm book signing, because at the appointed leaving hour the line was still out the door. His new Hustler store, whose opening was fought by the right wing detractors, was up and running tonight with a largely supportive crowd. There were no detractors present. There was no protest. What did show up though, were hundreds of supporters and a whole bunch of news crews. ( Larry was featured on every local news station here, at 12 noon, 6pm and the 11 o'clock news) Mr. Flynt's new book, Sex, Lies & Politics, The Naked Truth, cries out against the "Bushies", comparing Dubbya's rule to Orwell's novel "1984". Ya'll know how much I love that book, since some of you got it for Xmas. Long live Larry and I thank him for his mission in life to fight for our freedom of speech, no matter the cost. His cost was so high, but he continues to believe that it's worth it. And I do too. Larry, you are a hero to millions, and most of us porners although we would love to say we could, would never live up to what you have gone through for our cause. A heart felt thank you is certainly not enough. But that is all I can give.

Ironic Porn Purchase Leads To Unironic Ejaculation

WINNETKA, IL-A local man's ironic purchase of a humorously titled hardcore-porn video Saturday led to a sincere, earnest ejaculation devoid of any irony whatsoever.

Interview with Monica Mayhem

By Cindi Loftus, courtesy of Xcitement Magazine

From Queensland to Porn star! Monica Mayhem embodies that hard-hitting f-ck-ability we all like to see in our X-rated movies. She's appeared in over 200 movies in the four years she's been in the business. Monica is also working on her singing career. Her music has been played on the radio across the country.

Xcitement: How did you get from Australia to here?
Monica: I left Australia when I was 21 and traveled in Europe. I was working in the financial market, like futures and foreign exchange trading, for six years and I really, really hated that life. So I started dancing at the Spearmint Rhino in London. I met one of the owners and we got drunk and he flew me back to America with him that night. And I've never looked back from there. That was in December 2000.
X: How did you go from dancing to porn star?
M: I kinda got thrown into it by an agent. But the money was so good. I said yeah!
X: What is the difference between the sex industry in Australia and it here?
M: I really have no idea because I wasn't involved in it there at all.
X: What is the weirdest thing that you found about the United States?
M: That everyone wants deep-fried everything here. They deep fry cheese!
X: You didn't have that back home huh?
M: No. And the restaurant meals are like three times the size over here.
X: That's why we Americans are all fat. You don't see a lot of fat Australians.
M: (laughs) I'm not saying that, you are!
X: I've read that there is a Monica Mayhem blow up doll that looks just like you.
M: I do have a blow up doll that does NOT look just like me! The face is distorted a little. It's pretty funny.
X: Does it feel strange to have a blow up doll of you?
M: It is kind of strange and also funny at the same time.
X: You should have a couple of them laying around your house. Sitting on the couch.
M: I joke about driving around with it on the passenger seat. Going in the car pool lane. Getting pulled over by a cop.
X: So you signed with Cherry Boxxx pictures?
M: Yes it's a non-exclusive twelve picture deal.
X: How do you like working for Cherry Box Pictures? Can you tell us a little bit about the movies that you have made for them?
M: Cherry Boxxx is great, Rick Davis, my director is super cool, shoots quick, and the movies I have made for them so far have been easy, and I've been able to have a say in what actually goes on in the storyline.
X: Do you have some of their movies out at the stores right now?
M: Yes. I have a few main features that are done. And I've also shot a few that are just coming out.
X: What stands out as the your all time favorite movie that you have made?
M: My all time fav movie, I guess would have to be Sweet Sounds by Adam and Eve, that was my first time in a recording studio, singing, and singing on stage in front of a huge crowd.
X: How many movies have you done all together?
M: Since I've been here, over two hundred.
X: What is your favorite thing about being an adult star?
M: Being able to work when I want, with whom I want, charge how much I want. It's just such a laid back lifestyle.
X: Do you like feature dancing?
M: Yes it's fun. You get to go to all different cities all the time and meet new people. Meeting all the fans. It's cool.
X: What is the best sex scene you've have ever done?
M: Oh, that's way too hard! There have been so many I just couldn't pick one.
X: You've got a beautiful body. Is everything natural?
M: (laughs) Used to be.
X: Is there a lot of pressure to get a boob job if you are in the industry?
M: No. That had nothing to do with the business what so ever. That was my choice and the fact that I was able afford to do it. That is why I did it.
X: If people want to see more pictures of you where should they go?
M: My website is
X: There are a lot of sites that people put up with your name on them. Where do they get the pictures of you? Do they steal them?
M: They steal them. And that can cost them ten thousand an image. If someone is trying to charge for it and say that it is official then that is wrong. If someone starts a free fan site that is fine.
X: How often do you do scenes?
M: Like one to three scenes a month.
X: So say you are having sex on camera three times a month. How many times are you having sex in your personal life?
M: Well I would be if I was dating.
X: I just wonder if you have more sex then "normal" people.
M: Uhm. No. If I was working every day, like I used to maybe. But I have cut down a lot. I don't do that unless I am with someone, dating someone. I don't sleep around.
X: What kind of guy would you be looking for?
M: Much older, at least over thirty-five, a good sense of humor, successful. I don't want to be supporting anyone. Intelligent.
X: What would be your favorite sex act?
M: It's hard to say right now. (phone static).. restaurant.
X: So you like having sex in a restaurant?
M: No, I said I can't say right now because I am IN a restaurant! (laughs)
X: Ahhh. What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you while filming a movie?
M: I don't know. A lot of funny stuff happens to me. I generally get in a lot of trouble. I've had many funny times while filming, for example the director might make some kind of joke to the male performer in the middle of sex, and we just crack up for like 10mins. And can't stop laughing.
X: Do you have an unfulfilled fantasy?
M: No. I have pretty much done everything now.
X: What are you looking forward to?
M: Hopefully a successful music career.
X: Really? You are a singer?
M: Yes. I've been working on that right now, while I am traveling all over the country.
X: What kind of music do you do?
M: It's rock. Kind of like Rap/rock.
X: Do you have anything out yet?
M: No not yet.
X: You should put a clip on your site so your fans can go listen to it.
M: I'm actually going to do that. I just have to get it copyrighted.
X: I'd like to hear you sing.
M: Well I do a lot of radio station interviews when I travel, so I have had it played on the radio.
X: That must be fun. I think one of the reasons you stand out is your makeup. Did you come up with the look your self?
M: Yes. I like doing makeup. I'm a creative type in general. I design my own costumes.
X: While I was doing research on you for this interview, the one thing I noticed was that there was no controversy. I couldn't find anything bad said about you.
M: There are some things said by catty girls who spread rumors and stuff.
X: What are some of the rumors that you have heard about yourself?
M: Uhm. I hear stuff like I got deported. One website said I was an escort and you could pay sixteen grand to have me for the night. I said to myself, really!
X: You should have called and booked yourself!
M: Yeah, I know. That would be funny.
X: What is your favorite type of sex?
M: My favorite type of sex is one on one, boy or girl
X: Who would you most like to have sex with?
M: Girls would be a toss up between Britney Spears and Gwen Stephani. Guys- Bruce Willis!
X: He fits your qualifications. He's older, successful and intelligent. And he has a twenty-something year old girlfriend.
M: Well I am twenty-six.
X: Does size matter?
M: Only if it is too big. Average is perfect.
X: Do you want to make a comment about the HIV outbreak?
M: It's a tragedy. I want to send my regards out to all the people affected by it. I hope everything works out for them.
X: When this happened, did it make you think twice about what you do for a living?
M: Yeah it did. I found out that a friend of mine had it. It is really sad.
X: Luckily, with the medications now, you can live a normal life.
M: Yes if you stay fit and healthy you can fight it.
X: What is the wildest sex you ever had?
M: Wildest sex I've ever had, well, that's tough, but I just love it when it's spontaneous, and you just have to have it right then and there, wherever that may be!
X: What are some of the nice things that fans have done for you?
M: I've been given birthday/valentines gifts, flowers at signings, stuff like that.
X: Do you have a message for your fans?
M: Yes. Thank you for supporting me. I love you all and keep watching because there is much more to come!

Want to get in touch with Monica? Here's her direct e-mail addy Monica@ Monica

Exotica Interview

By Cindi Loftus

Exotica is the perfect name for this Latin beauty! Her long dark hair, flawless brown skin, toned muscles, and big boobs scream sex appeal. She also has such a gorgeous personality. She laughs easily and often. She is a top feature dancer with the new title of Miss Nude Universe Performer of the Year. And she is nominated for the fourth year in a row as Gentleman's Expo's Performer of the Year. Despite her outer beauty, Exotica is still a down home, fun to be around "normal" girl. And my dog Lexi, who won't go near the water ran right up to the pool to be close to Exotica, but then wouldn't you? We discuss some crazy things in this interview including Exotica's love of animals, that she hates hairy balls and that she wouldn't mind appearing in a porn movie! Read on. It just gets better...

Xcitement: I just saw your website. It looks great!
Exotica: Which one?
X: It looks really good. I learned a lot about you on there. You don't like hairy balls,
E: (laughs) No. I hate the hairy balls. You can't go down there and suck on anything that's got hair falling off of it.
X: Ugh. That'd be like flossing your teeth.
E: Yeah. It's terrible.
X: So does a guy have to shave his own balls or will you do it?
E: I can help him with that. I can pick 'em up and shave it off.
X: That seems like a very delicate operation.
E: If a guy will trust me enough to do it, then I will do it. I'm pretty good at it. I've done a few balls in my life.
X: That's something I have never done. I'll have to put that on my "to do" list.
E: I think every woman should have that on her list.
X: I also saw that you really like Vin Diesel.
E: He's a hunk with the chiseled body and bald and has that thick voice. It's not like I am only into weightlifters, but I know what kind of dedication it takes to get that kind of body. So I appreciate that. So Vin Diesel, The Rock.
X: Oh he's gorgeous.
E: Isn't he beautiful?
X: I'd rather have the Rock. I like a little bit of hair. And you also like Barbies.
E: Yes I collect them. I have Barbies from 1976 and up.
X: That's funny because when I first opened your home page I said to myself, in that picture Exotica looks like a Barbie Doll.
E: Ohhh, thank you! It's a beautiful compliment.
X: They should make an Exotica doll.
E: If someone ever asked me I would model for it.
X: Have you ever molded for a toy or anything?
E: No one has ever asked me. If you know someone who would want to use me, I'm more then happy to get molded!
X: Doc Johnson just did Mary Carey. Next they should do Exotica!
E: Sure! Show me to them. I am very popular not only with the adult industry, but I am pretty popular with the mainstream also because of the fitness stuff.
X: Yeah all the guys can go work out and come home and play with your boobs.
E: There ya go. They'll have some motivation when they get home. Exotica is waiting for me on the couch. I've gotta get buff and then go home and rub her boobs!
X: He'll be thinking, I've got to go home and shave my balls and then rub Exotica's boobs! Tell me about your clothing line.
E: I sketch and design every item in my clothing line. I pick up all the fabric in South Beach. My mother, myself and my aunt make all the clothes. I just started doing club wear. It's at
X: That's a lot of work. So that's two websites you have.
E: Well there is one more. I just got a brand new website for my fitness side. It's called It's nude, topless photos. All the top fitness models are on there. I'm starting to do a lot of fitness magazines. I'm in Muscle Mag, Fit Beauty, Fit Body, and Muscle Development. You can go anywhere and pick them up.
X: How often do you work out?
E: I work out four times a week no matter what state I am in. I do an hour of cardio and weight lifting.
X: So you go find a gym wherever you are?
E: Yes I ask the hotel where the closest gym is. Sometimes you have to pay five dollars a time, sometimes fifteen or twenty, but it's worth it.
X: How often do you get in for free because you look so good?
E: I don't!!! (Laughs) Doesn't that suck?
X: There has to be times when you get things for free because of the way you look.
E: Well when I am not working, I look pretty average. I think I do.
X: I don't think you could!
E: Well I try! I don't wear the lashes, don't do all the makeup. Just wear regular jeans or my work out clothes. The only thing I can't hide is the boobs.
X: Yeah. You can't take 'em off and put 'em away.
E: No I can't put them on the shelf. But I am very average. The only thing that would give me away that I am a dancer or a model is my boobs.
X: But when you go to a store, don't you think that you get treated differently then I do?
E: Well I know that when I go to Wal-Mart, I will guarantee that every person in the aisles that works there will come and ask if I need help, and then they'll try to help me find whatever I am looking for. Even like a pair of socks. They will walk me right to it.
X: I think you probably look better then your average Wal-Mart shopper.
E: Well the funniest thing is in my free time I like to go read so I try to find a Barnes & Noble or Books-a-Million and pick up a fitness magazine and go sit in a little corner and start reading. All of a sudden when I look up twenty minutes later there are ten guys sitting around me. It's like Holy Cow; I could've sworn this corner was empty when I got here!
X: Of course they are not reading. They are staring at you while you are reading.
E: That's probably true!
X: You need a bodyguard!
E: That would be nice! But I don't get hassled.
X: Well your not tiny. I figure you can probably take care of yourself.
E: I'm a big girl. I got some meat on me.
X: Guys probably don't want to piss you off. Cause you could kick their ass.
E: I do have seven brothers. I'm the baby. So I grew up with lots of men. I'm a toughie. I had to be.
X: How does it feel to go in four years from being a secretary to being at the top of the feature dancing game?
E: I am loving every minute of it. It feels great. All the support. I couldn't ask for anything more. I am very happy with where I am at right now. The business has been very good to you.
X: Have you ever made an X-rated movie?
E: No. Nobody has asked me yet.
X: Would you like to make an X-rated movie?
E: Definitely. I've never said no. If I got the right offer from the right people and the right company. Yeah definitely I would. I'm saving myself for the right offer. I am fresh meat. X: Do you watch porn movies?
E: I watch them all the time.
X: You are going to the Gentleman's Expo this year right?
E: Yes I am nominated again for Performer of the Year. This is my fourth year of being nominated.
X: And you didn't win yet.
E: No. But being nominated is good.
X: Well sure it is but you don't want to be Susan Lucci!
E: Oh, you're not kidding.
X: I think she got nominated 13 times and finally won the 14th. You just won another title too.
E: Yes I am Miss Nude Universe Performer of the Year.
X: Wow. That's impressive.
E: Every contest I've ever entered I've won.
X: Well if you win everything, can you buy me a lottery ticket?
E: Well I don't win everything. I mean competition type things.
X: What's the craziest sex you've had lately?
E: Probably in one of the strip clubs in one of the VIP rooms just getting all nasty with everybody.
X: Everybody? E: Everybody. All the porn stars, all the features, some dancers, everybody just went crazy. I'm not saying the name of the club. But we got a little carried away and everybody liked it!
X: You don't have any pictures of that do you?
E: No, unless it's on a security camera.
X: Do you often go around flashing people?
E: All the time. Go back to my website. I have pictures of me flashing in South Beach, flashing in New York, flashing at the mall. I am a big ham. I just have a really good time.
X: Have you ever got arrested?
E: Never. I don't smoke. I don't' drink. I don't do drugs. I keep myself pretty straight and narrow. Oh did you know that I am a groomer?
X: Grooming animals?
E: Yes.
X: Oh so that is why you are so good at shaving hairy balls!
E: Yes that is true. If I can shave cat's and dog's balls I can shave anybody's balls. I'm going to open my own grooming shop. It will be grooming and daycare for pets.
X: That's perfect for you. You love animals.
E: I do love animals. It's so funny I go to some bookings and I swear they just bring me in to groom their pets. I come in and there are five cats sitting in my dressing room waiting for me when I get there.
X: All that pussy!
E: (laughs) I have club owners picking me up on the weekend to go do their cats and their friend's cats. I'm like, hey wait I'm the feature.
X: That's funny. Here's a question for you, Bush or Kerry?
E: Ohhhhh politics.
X: Who would you rather vote for, and who would you rather sleep with?
E: That's tough. I don't like to get into politics.
X: Okay I'll answer for you. Whoever doesn't have hairy balls.
E: (cracks up)
X: What do you have coming up?
E: I've done a few pay per view specials. I did one called "Strip Poker" which was all fitness models. We are playing poker hoping we don't lose and have to take our tops off. It will be out soon. The other one is on pay per view right now because I just watched it in my hotel room last night.
X: That's pretty cool that you watched yourself on TV!
E: Yeah, even though I had to pay ten dollars to see myself! That one is called Gentleman's Club Championships. It has all the girls doing features shows. Oh, and I'll see you soon. I am coming back down to Florida to host The Miss Nude USA pageant when this issue comes out. And I will be featuring the whole week too. Stop by and see me! X: Great I will! Talk to you soon.

For Bookings or Hosting you can book direct by calling 773-315-8422 Write to Exotica at Check out her three websites;,

An interview with B movie actress Glori-anne Gilbert

By Cindi Loftus Courtesy of Xcitement Magazine

Glori-anne Pronunciation: glor-E-an Function: noun 1) Physically beautiful, Stunning 2) Accomplished, Professional, Perfected 3) Possessing great intellect 4) Comical, Satirical, Humorous 5) Gentle, Loving, Kind

Glori-anne: BUCK!! My dog is gone. He left this morning
Cindi: Does he do that a lot?
G: He runs away once in a while. He's always been okay but I still worry about him. (Yelling out the door) Buck! Wait there he is! Call me back. Click.

5 minutes later

C: Hi. So is Buck all right?
G: Oh yeah. He's fine. Tick season is really bad around here. So I had to check him for ticks and make sure he is okay. But he didn't have any. So sorry I hung up.
C: No problem! I am glad he is back! What kind of dog is he?
G: The world's most handsome-ist yellow Labrador.
C: And he is named Buck after.
G: Bucknicula. Like Dracula. It was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. Bucknicula, the Vampire Bunny Rabbit. So when I got my puppy, right around the full moon, he was like a little vampire puppy, chomping on everybody. So I named him Bucknicula.
C: So you loved vampires when you were a child. You grew up to play vampires in movies. I think you are a vampire in real life and nobody knows about it.
G: (laughs) No, surely not!
C: I think you have a secret life that no one knows about.
G: Well if it keeps me from aging then I'll stick to that story.
C: So in your spare time you are drinking blood.
G: I love to suck it down, what can I say.
C: What have you been doing for fun lately?
G: I've been working all the time. Recently I came home for nine hours. I had to unpack and repack and leave again. I like working so I've had fun doing that. I did have my birthday party in Los Angeles. I had two parties. I had a big Mac-Daddy suite and I had my party for my fans and I did my vampire show. Then I had a celebrity party afterward. So some of the people I know in Hollywood came to it. I was surprised that more celebrity people showed up then fans did. So everyone was asking if they could see my vampire show at that party too. So I did it for them too. My movie " Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood" had just come out that week. It's on DVD. I did that movie with Paul Naschy; he's the Christopher Lee of movies in Spain.

C: Did you do a love scene with him?
G: No he was the priest. He staked me.
C: Ewwww.
G: So there was penetration going on, just not the kind you'd expect! (Laughing)

It felt so good I had him do it to me a second time! So anyway when I met Paul he was very nice, but he didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish so I think he thought my breasts could talk because he never ever looked in my eyes. If only my breasts were bi-lingual we would have had a nice conversation.

C: (laughs) I searched your name on the internet. You have pages and pages. I saw a picture of you as a warrior called "The Den of Arcadia"
G: That was by Dorian. His work is sold in galleries and he has several art books that I am in. He's painted Nina Hartley, Julie Strange. But I was one of the first girls he ever painted.
C: Do you have copies of them?
G:Yes. He's done two paintings of me and I have a signed copy of each.
C: I also saw an indie movie site that said you were fabulous in Vamps two. Actually it said the most professional talented and beautiful actress ever
G: That's nice to know that I am getting that reputation in the movie industry. That movie is coming out as a double set, Blood Sisters Vamps and Vamps 2 together.
C: How does it feel to walk into a store and see yourself on the box covers of movies? G: It's really exciting because I never did men's magazine's (covers) because I told my parents that I wouldn't. I am really pleased that when my movie Curse of the Komodo came out on the Sci-Fi channel that lots of my fans from strip clubs were e-mailing me. They were excited and thrilled and couldn't wait for the DVD to come out because they wanted to buy it. I was really surprised because I didn't think fans that liked to watch me dance naked and be sexy on stage would be interested in seeing me dressed in a movie for an hour and a half.
C: I loved that movie. It was great. The scenery is gorgeous. And you were so believable as your character!
G: Thank you! I'm not the kind of person that cries in real life.
C: You did such a good job with that scene. I've seen it three times and every time you cry I started crying.
G: Awww. I feel really flattered because the only way that, well my Dad was a marine for twenty-two years, so I always tried to keep a stiff upper lip. Tears to me are a sign of weakness. So the only thing in real life that makes me cry is movies because I have such compassion for the characters.
C: I know you are like little Miss Positive all the time!
G: I know it's so pathetic. I always find the positive side of things. I'm not one to ever feel sorry for myself. So finally I figured out that the only thing that makes me cry is if I get hurt really bad, and what am I supposed to do go secretly stab myself before a take? And then they'll have to send me off to the ER. That's not gonna work. So the only other thing that makes me cry is a really sad movie. So I pretend I am seeing my scene as the movie and I can totally cry for my character. Because I don't have any memories that I can think about that will make me cry. Now sex, that's another thing. If I'm doing a hot sex scene I have plenty of material to reflect on to get into character.
C: I'd like to hear about some of that sexual material that you have to draw on.
G: Actually I really do. I use it is some of my scenes with girls, because I am not bisexual. It's not that girls turn me off, but neither do they turn me on. And so my motivation to get turned on is thinking about how turned on guys will get when they are sitting there watching it. So I think about that.
C: So you pretend the guy is watching you do the scene on TV?
G: No I pretend that the guy is right there watching me do the scene. I pretend the camera is the guy. That gets me really turned on because I love to turn guys on. That's my favorite thing in the whole world. I'm a naughty flirty girl.
C: What were you like in high school?
G: Well I am totally not in to drinking or drugs. I don't party at all. So a lot of people thought I was totally not into sex. But I mean I think I have gotten off every day since I was five years old. I'm such a sexual person that featuring on stage is the most fun thing for me because I get to pick out a sexual fantasy and act it out on stage. I think that's why guys always stick around and watch more then one of my shows because it's way more then just different music and different costumes. I go on with a different sexual persona each time. I get to have pretend sex with a whole audience because I am totally sexually revealing myself to them, not just my body.
C: So what do you do after you do four sexy shows and then go back to the lonely hotel room by yourself at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning?
G: Well usually it's kinda depressing.
C: Do you have a handy dandy toy collection?
G: Yeah and actually, I know it sounds bad, but I don't like TV so I never watch it. When I am in the room I take the batteries out of the remote and use them to power my toys. It's a little hotel bonus.
C: So everybody who has the room after you has a remote that doesn't work
G: Well I hate to think that. But if a guy goes to a hotel and his remote control's batteries are weak he might be sleeping in the same bed as I was.
C: Well any guy that goes to a hotel and finds the batteries in the remote missing is going to be too busy fantasizing about you to watch TV anyway.
G: No, I put the batteries back in before I leave! They may be a bit drained.
C: Well I went through so much stuff about you on the web and actually like 99 percent of it is positive and true. Which is weird because usually there is a bunch of negativity and gossip. And then rumors that aren't true.
G: I guess I am lucky about that then.
C: Have you ever read anything about yourself that was like, really wrong?
G: I read one site that said I was five foot five and half, with the wrong measurements. It was a picture of me, but with a different girl's name. So someone scanned my picture off the Internet. That's the only thing I have ever seen that is an untrue thing.
C: Wow, that's tame! You are lucky no one ever had you married off to someone or said you were in jail or suing someone.
G: Naw. I'm a good girl.
C: I know you are. You are a goody two-shoes.
G: I am. I don't drink. I don't smoke. But I am into sex. Who needs drugs and alcohol if you have a great sex life?
C: That's true!
G: Oh I wanted to tell you, I just shot a movie last month with Stormy Daniels!
C: Really? She was on the cover in January. She's really nice.

G: I saw it. She's great. She's got the most hilarious sense of humor. So I had a good time. The movie is called "Witches of Breastwick." It's a Skinimax thriller. Stormy did a great job in it. She is actually one of the best actors I've ever worked with. I also did a movie called "Busty Cops II"
C: I remember you telling me about that you weren't sure which role you wanted to do, cop or villain.
G: I ended up playing the new cop on the block. Hannah Harper was in it with me. I came up with my name, BJ Hooker. Then I have one more movie that is going to come out on Sci-Fi channel called "It Lives Down Below" So that is my first sci-fi movie.
C: Are you an alien?
G: Yes I am. An alien who has temporarily taken human form. It was pretty cool. The guy character has a crush on a model so they took my pictures and put them in his locker. So I am an alien that takes the form of his favorite model.
C: That sounds cool. I believe in aliens and ghosts. You are superstitious aren't you?
G: Yeah.
C: You believe in full moons and ghosts. You love Halloween.
G: True. The cabin I stayed in for one of my movies was haunted.
C: Really? What happened?
G: Oh my Gosh. In the middle of the night every night at a round 3 am something weird would happen. It was really creepy. Things were moving. Pieces of paper that nobody could find would suddenly be on the table first thing in the morning. There was a sled hanging up on the wall and it was rocking. I went and put my hand on it and my hand started rocking with it. I couldn't get the sled to stop rocking.
C: That's scary! I want to hear something sexy. Tell me about a naked love scene you've done lately.
G: I did a few in the last couple movies. I did a threesome with me, Stormy and Julie Smith. I did a couple love scenes with a guy. I don't do a lot of love scenes with guys. When I do a love scene with a girl I have to work so hard to make sure it's a hot sex scene. I imagine guys are watching and how much it will turn my fans on. When I do a love scene with a guy I have to be really careful because I get so into it, I hate to say it, but I could just f-ck the guy. Ya know what I mean? I get so excited and it's really kinky because if the guy is really good looking that's not the kind of guy that I'm usually attracted to. But yet when it's time to do a love scene with them, because it's a guy, it's still enough to get me all turned on. And the whole time I have to make sure I don't start f-cking the guy for real or something. I did a scene also with Scott Styles. I am glad that I didn't really get to talk to him or get to know him before I did my love scene with him. Because actually he's a really intelligent guy who used to work for NASA.

C: I know him. He's a porn star and used to be a rocket scientist.
G: I like smart guys. So he really turned me on after. During the scene I just got turned on because he was a guy. But after I got to know him, he turned me on intellectually. So I was like, thank God I don't' have to do anymore love scenes with him. Then he asked me if I wanted to get together and I wanted to say YES! But of course I didn't. So in my mind I was like, I know what I will be thinking about when I get home tonight! It also turned me on because he is the only guy I've ever done a love scene with that didn't get a hard on. Guys are not supposed to if they are professional.
C: How can they not?
G: Well most girls that I've talked to say guys never do. But every guy I've been with has. I thinking it's because I am seriously so into it, that is why it happens. But when I did my scene with Scott he did not get a hard on. I was wishing that I could have him somewhere where I could do a lap dance for him and maybe get a hard on so I could feel it, so I can imagine it. Cause that's the hot thing about when you do a lap dance with a guy is even though you will never actually do them, you get a good feel for what it would be like. I didn't even get that out of Scott. But I do love my job. I get paid to make out and pretend to have sex with guys! People wonder why I like to work all the time, this is why! How can I resist. I love men!
C: Why don't you have Glori-anne blow up doll for your fans?
G: (laughs) It wouldn't be the same.
C: I know it wouldn't, but think of the marketability!
G: Before I had a blow up doll made of me, I'd want to watch a guy with a blow up doll first. Do they have movies that show that?
C: I don't know. I've never seen one. But I have a blow up doll! She lives in my bedroom all ready to go! I put underwear on her though because everything was all pink and hanging out.
G: I wonder, while you are on it does it's legs flay up and kick you in the ass the whole time? How does a guy replace being with a woman?
C: I don't know but feel free to try her out next time you come over or borrow her to come to your hotel room with your remote control batteries!
G: Cindi you know I'm not into women!
C: You can pretend you are a guy and see what happens. It would all be in the name of scientific research.
G: That's so funny.
C: Do you think they make male blow up dolls?
G: I don't know. But who needs the rest of them?
C: True, a dildo is all we really need. Speaking of that I've got a whole closet full of stuff.
G: Like what kind of stuff?
C: Dildos and vibrators and sleeves and gels and massagers, all different colors and sizes and speeds and glow in the dark.
G: Really! That sounds like fun. Actually my vibrator broke the other day. It's called Sweetest Erotica, it's like a little one with a ball at the end that you can use in a couple of ways. But I guess I used it too much.
C: You wore it out, even with new batteries. How big is it?
G: Like the size of your ring finger, and it has a high and low speed. I like to tease myself and pretend it's a guy.
C: So do you talk dirty to yourself while you are having sex with yourself?
G: I don't need to say it out loud but I totally think it! After you've been on the rode along for three weeks you have these conversations with your self. "Come on, can't you be friends with yourself?" "I'm tired. Do you really have to have sex?" Yes I have to!" "Come on it's 4 am you worked all day" " I know but have to!"
C: That sounds like an evil twin thing coming out!
G: Well I am a Gemini. And in a movie I just did I play twins; I have blonde hair for one and brown hair for one. But I can't go a day without sex.
C: So you have sex everyday, you work out on stage almost everyday, you eat healthy, and you don't drink or smoke. You are positive and happy all the time. So what keeps you going? Good hormones?
G: When you cum all the time you have a reason to have a smile on your face. I can also do fire breathing which a boyfriend from India taught me. So you can make yourself cum just by a breathing technique that you do. So I can be standing in line and everybody else is irritated and I'll just make myself cum. That's why I don't mind waiting in line. Everyone says how can you be smiling while you are waiting in line? I say I just like to be positive.
C: You are so much fun! Is there anything else you want to mention?
G: Well I really like coming down to South Florida in August because it is so hot that I don't wear any panties. I like to wear long flowing dresses with nothing underneath. Then I like going around at nighttime and feeling the breeze blowing up my dress. I'll be down there in Pompano featuring at the Cheetah in August
C: Great! We'll have to go out to lunch at our favorite restaurant! I am sure all the people that work at Sweet Tomatoes are going to look forward to your visit now that they know you won't be wearing any panties!

Editors note-You can write to Glori-anne at her personal e-mail

My Ex-Wife Found My Blog

She writes: A friend of mine found this blog and said it was you. I can't believe it, you miserable scumbag. For those of you who might be considering hooking up with this guy, a little bit of background. My name is Linda, and I was married to him twelve years ago. Not for a long time, but long enough. Yes, he was pretty (then), but he never worked a day in the time we were together. Never. Would not clean the house, help out with the kid, nothing. Luke always plead that he had some sort of illness, which as far as I could tell, is otherwise called "laziness." Oh, he wrote, and he wrote, about what he would never say. But I had to hold down two jobs then while he "wrote." What a dick you are Luke. Still playing that old con. You still owe me money, and you know exactly what for. I'd take him to court, but he has nothing to take. And that was the plan all along, right? Well guess what, the moment I hear that you have anything, I'm coming and collecting it.

Helpful writes: Yet another woman pissed off because she couldn't turn a gay man straight. The flames were practically leaping off of him and you married him? Your vagina ain't magic, honey. Wise up!

Porn Publicist's To-Do List

Carly Milne writes:

. Finish packing up boxes of review copies for press. This means gathering all the art and model releases that go along with every title, which is no small feat.

. Finish press releases about the sequel to Blue Angels in addition to one on the new direction of Simon Wolf Productions.

. Finish press releases for Seymore Butts on The British Are Cumming, and a top secret project that I can't announce until everyone signs off on the press release.

. Put together some bio information on Cousin Stevie for another top secret project we're working on.

. Get motoring on the press kit materials.

. Visit Michael Ninn's set today, once this afternoon and once this evening, not only to accompany press but to also write my own on-set for High Society.

. Finish press releases on Suze Randall's latest classic release, Suze's Centerfolds 1 & 2.

. Send out and monitor a release for Playboy TV.

. Take AVN's international superstar porn journalist Stephen Ochs to lunch.

Connie Lynn Hair

There's a controversial U.S. House race in North Carolina with highly charged accusations being hurled back and forth by extremely conservative candidates. One of those candidates has hired a campaign managers who some believe has a questionable past. The woman's name is Connie Lynn Hair. She's 44 years old now. Among her old legit movies were Death Wish 4 and Fake-Out, both circa 1982. Did she do anything more racy?

Kurt Lockwood Takes The High Road On Porn Star Feuds

Porn stud Kurt Lockwood writes:

These are the normal things people go thru everywhere with boyfriend /girlfriend relationships ending and beginning everyday. It not some "BIG STORY," it's just common human emotions which as everyone who has ever been in any kind of serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship knows aren't always that easy or cut and dried and it's very, very difficult to please everyone, especially in these circumstances, y'know? By the way, why "Sports Swarthy" or anybody else would even give a f-ck about my personal life or anyone else's other than their own (or at least real J.Lo celebrities, I mean, c'mon) is not only so stupid but seems like a complete and utter waste of time.

Do you really have nothing better to do than to hate and talk smack about people's personal relationships that have absolutely nothing to do with you at all? There's always two sides to every story (and sometimes more) but who the f-ck cares? It's so boring. There's a war going on, people. We should have some perspective about what really matters here. Haters who wanna hate should either get a life or go on with the one they have which after all is I'm sure is just as compicated and yes, sometimes messy. And I'm sure we can all agree that nobody's perfect, right? And isn't there something about "Those is glass houses..." and "Let he who is without sin cast the first..." and so on? And as far as "Sports Salami" starting to "despise" me...>YAWN< Well, just throw him on the pile with the rest of the KURT LOCKWOOD HATERS, y'know?

Whatever. I'll be his, or whoever else's "Erich Von Stroheim" ("the man you love to hate") of porn, if that's what gets them through the night. But I just can't make this clear enough. It...just...doesn't...matter. He and anybody else who want to waste their precious time on this Earth hating on me don't affect my life one way or the other or influence any of the decisions I make or who I am one bit so he's just wasting his time and energy. He's thinking about me I'm not thinking about him. I'm just trying to live and enjoy life the best I can, and yes, I sometimes make mistakes just like everybody else has a thousand times. Nothing new or exciting. Hey, I'm human, excuse the f-ck out of me. I don't know, maybe he should stop worrying about me so much and pick an easier target. Somebody who gives a f-ck, haha... As for a response, I have nothing bad to say about anybody and I'm not gonna... And that's the high road for ya...

Porn Star Feud

Porn stars Katja Kassin, Melissa Lauren, Jayna Osso mix it up on AdultDVDTalk.

Katja Kassin writes: "Melissa: not all Americans are stupid, dumb, fat and boring. Jayna is a smart and intelligent girl and as far as I know she does not eat at McDonalds."

Bridgette Kerkove writes: "I have hired, and absolutely love Melissa-no one should TRY to make up something bad about her. She is beautiful, very professional(not stoned out of her mind),loves to f-ck,is bubbly and fun to have on the set! My last movie I shot her in 'SKIN' she was breathtakingly beautiful....My comments have NOTHING to do with Jayna-I'm simply sticking up for Melissa. If, or why they are fighting-I don't know."

Katja Kassin writes: "In an upcoming "Down the Hatch" (this can be seen in the behind the scenes section of Melissa refers to Americans in a very derogatory manner. See for yourself."

Melissa Lauren [from France] replies:

Katja, that was part of Chico Wang's "script" for the scene. I had to do it. And by the way, Brian Surewood, who i was working with, called me a "froggy", and other names too. We still loved each other at the end of the scene. You really have no humour. Or you really hate me. Maybe i m not patriotic or whatever. But i am franc and honest, i don t attack people on internet boards, i do it directly. But i prefer wait to see you to discuss it, i don t want to risk a banning from here. It doesn t worth it.

Jayna Oso writes:

Hi Melitha, Please don't threaten Katja like that anymore! This thread began as a suggested,"scene concept", then others began putting money down on either you or me. Then Katja simply said that she'd put her money down on me because I'm patriotic and then YOU came at her HasTily saying "What s the relation between a sex competition and being patriotic. Did I miss something?".... As IF you didn't know(FAKER)-->This statement is FAKE! because you know as well as Katja and I and anyone else who has seen the video clip, of you laughing and conversing FREELY with Wanker about how much you HATE AMERICANS!, that you really did make such derogatory statements about 'US' could you not expect AMericans,(your fans and co-workers, may I remind you), not to have a problem with YOU, now. I don't understand your confused behavior, why must you hide your true feelings now that you have been put on the 'dart-board' infront of ALL to see.

Director Chico Wang writes:

In the scene, I asked Brian Surewood to be vehemently anti-French (which he is not) and Melissa to be vehemently anti-American (which she is not). The funny thing is, I ask for these things to create conflict which I learned in film school. Maybe in porno it's about creating the same scenario over and over again. But in film, every storyline has a conflict. Melissa was more than willing to follow my instructions as was Brian Surewood who was more than willing to talk about a 'frog eating, horse chomping slut'. If anything, if you take all this sh-t seriously, then it's absolutely my fault. C'mon. I think alot of your opinions are due to any animosities you have against Melissa and you guys are looking for anything to badger her against. I kept this scene quiet. How did you find out? Like I tell everyone, don't worry about others. Worry about your own sh-t. You will be a healthier person. I love you Katja and Jayna. Don't sweat what shouldn't be made public. And this is me, dumbass fool, talking.

DoronD from Anabolic writes: "I was on set when the shananigans took place. For anyone to claim that Melissa is anti-American by what went on during the shoot is simply insane."

Radical Changes Come to Luke

Grim facts of life that Amalek has been hollering into my ear:

1. Blogging is useful only if you are already successful and merely want a cheap sort of vanity press with which to reach your assumed public.

2. Women shy away from poor 38 year old white men who live below the poverty line for illegals from Mexico.

3. Nothing materially beneficial will come to me from my groveling activities.

4. No decent woman is going to respond favorably to a blog request for a wife.

5. I am comfortable in my existence, hence, change is not likely. I will die as I live.

Looking at this list, what is there for me to do, except change something? I will begin by bringing this wife blogging to a halt. Instead, my energies will be redirected to venues where I have a much better chance of hooking up with desirable or at least useful people, and that is working to defeat George Bush this November. Every sexually desirable woman I know is opposed to Bush, so maybe I need to rethink my position on his presidency.

After all, it's not as though this man gives a crap about me or my problems. He won't stanch the flow of illegals from Mexico with whom I must compete for even the most menial jobs; he won't do anything to stem the flow of jobs to Mexico, India, China and elsewhere; he has grossly inflated the national budget deficit by cutting taxes on the rich, just to make life easier for people like him; the trade deficit has ballooned on his watch; he refuses to police our borders as they must be policed. What was I thinking in supporting that clown in the first place?

He isn't all bad. I don't view him as anti-Christ (obviously). But even where I support him, as in the war against Islam, he has made some major blunders, like going into Iraq, the one place where al Qeada wasn't, and committing us to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to bring the blessings of democracy to a bunch of muslim Arabs. All while I live in my hovel, and taxes are lowered on the richest Americans (which includes landlords like my good friend Cathy, who is an honest-to-God millionaire like most of her neighbors in Silver Lake).

If you think I was hard on the pimps in the porn industry you haven't seen what the real Luke can do. Hold on to your yarmulkees and your sheitels - it's going to be a bumpy ride.

A letter from the producers of EroticaFest

Alec Helmy writes on GFY:

The EroticaFest concept initially started as a medium sized event which soon grew into a monster, both as far as entertainment elements go and cost of production (MTV's Alien Ant Farm, Carmen Electra's Naked Women's Wrestling League, Poet of Black Eyed Peas, Mansion the grandest venue in Miami etc.)

In order to make this event a success for all attendees and sponsors, the GigaCash team, the producers of this event (not XBiz) seeked additional sponsorships in order to cover increase in production costs - with a condition that this was to be communicated to all sponsors for their OK.

Communication issues do arise in business, and may have reared their head in this case. Lisa, Chris, Bugbee and entire GigaCash team have nothing but the best intentions for their sponsors as well as the webmaster community - without them such events just wouldn't be possible - and any miscommunication was certainly not intentional.

Our mission with all past & future events is equal exposure to each and every sponsor (one level only) and we are confident that we have delivered - not to mention that our sponsorship packages carry a satisfaction guarantee. We have and always will offer to reimburse any sponsor who is not 101% happy with their marketing investment. I can always be reached direct at: replies AT helmy D0T com

Porn Peformers Arrested in Mexico reports:

Mexico City - The Mexico Erotic Festival kicked off its first year with the kind of event organizers sincerely hope doesn't become an annual tradition: the arrest of five participants during the show on Friday, July 30.

According to a report released by the Festival, Nacho Vidal, Rita Faltoyano, Katsumi, Claudia Clair and Jane Darling were expelled from the country and fined approximately $3600 in U.S. dollars for matters related to doing business on tourist visas. Local law enforcement officials responded to an anonymous tip by picking up the group, telling them their presence was needed to clear up a routine bureaucratic matter. The organizers claim the group was then held for 27 hours in lice-infested quarters without food or usable bedding, wearing only the clothing they had on at the time they were picked up.

Porn Blogs Manipulate Google When Google bought blogging software pioneer Blogger last year, it probably didn't expect that its new technology would be used to goose the page rankings of porn sites.

But that's exactly what's happening, as an outfit called CyberQuest has recently set up a few dozen cross-linked, porn-themed Blogspot blogs (powered by Blogger), all of which link to three of its for-profit porn sites. According to a couple of experienced bloggers, the purpose behind the cross-linking strategy is to artificially raise the Google rankings of the three porn sites.

Said John d'Addario, the editor of Gawker Media's porn-themed gossip blog, Fleshbot. "It's clever. You have to give them that. And it's another example of porn folk being sort of ahead of the curve when it comes to technology and marketing."

Should Bridgette Monroe Get Her Breasts Done Bigger?

Bridgette writes: Go to my poll and vote yes or no. The question is should I get my breasts done bigger? I really wanna know what you think.

The Agonies Of Creativity

Alice Dax took D.H. Lawrence's virginity. "I gave Bert sex. I had to. He was over at our house, struggling with a poem he couldn't finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came downstairs and finished the poem."

What I love about literary biographer Jeffrey Meyers is that he usually sticks lots of sex in his books.

Anna Malle And Her Mom Are Doing Great

Doc writes:

Anna Malle and her Mother are doing great. She has been in LA working on a mainstream project and she is just now getting back to work.

Anna asked me to let everyone know that she is doing great and that she is back to work and available for our hobby. Anna won't be on tour for at least a couple of months, due to this project, but she is available in Las Vegas and in LA. Anna is in good health and looking forward to start touring in the Fall.

Anna is only checking her e-mail about once a week as her days in LA are very long. Regarding her mainstreem project, Anna is portraying herself in the film. It's a real easy role for her, if you know what I mean. lol!

For those interested and that have been patient to get one of the best performers in the circuit, you can e-mail Anna @ AnnaMalleXXX.Com

Kevin Blatt Had A Good Weekend

KB: "I hooked up with a stripper."

"How did you meet her?"

KB: "At a strip club."

"How did you get her to go home with you?"

KB: "She was all over me. She was just attracted to me. She loved feeling my aura."


KB: "I don't know, man. I just had it all working for me. I ended up banging her four times. I left her place at 7 a.m. She lives in the gayest area. I walk outside and the gay pride parade was going on. Half a million fags walking up and down the street."

Dr. Luke Talks To Men About Sex

I got an email: "Hey - you're a fella who's had to balance the lures of the 'outside world' with the strictures of frumkeit - and you opted in! I'm just now (at age 35) finding out what my more rebellious friends discovered in their late teens and early 20s - that easy girls are easy to find, that naughty flirting and drinks and dancing with gentile coworkers can be a blast, and that nobody gives a sh-t if you're married or not. What's the best way for me to avoid exploring that world too thoroughly and find peace and contentment at home, with the wife and kids? Got any insight for me?"

Watch the movie Carnal Knowledge, read my memoir, read Cad: Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor, and such about the meaningless of promiscuity and vacousness and soul-sucking nature of its pursuit...and you might find some inner peace on these matters.

Anon writes: More practical advice follows. Know this - if you have casual sex with these women, you are very likely to contract at least herpes and venereal warts, which you will pass on to your wife. Have you thought through how you are going to handle matters when she breaks out in sores that she cannot account for? And don't think that condoms will protect you. Used properly, they neither cover everything that can cause infection nor everything that can be infected. And they break, slip off, are used improperly, etc. Keep your focus on venereal disease, the consequences of bringing STDs into the marital bed, and you will be less likely to stray in your marriage. More fundamentally, do you really have to work with gentiles? Maybe a more yeshivish lifestyle is called for?

Jason Tucker Married Gail Harris This Weekend

I don't think she converted to Judaism though.

Pulling Myself Up By My Sandal Straps

I'm done with this, I think. The time has come for me to turn over a new leaf, and given the lateness of the season for me, I think what I must do is turn over thousands of new leafs, all at once. And you can help me. I need a leaf blower and other garden utensils to place in my van. My new business, "White Boy Lawn Care," will position itself by appealing both to Anglo racists who fear the Mexican, and Mexican Americans who might get a big kick out of treating a white man like some wetback just over the Rio Grande. This job will pay me money, which I am sorely in need of, and it will make me known for something other than my pitiful blogging. And it is outdoors, which is good both for me and for my community, which thinks Jews don't do manual labor. Well, I will, and I'm Jewish. So please, if you see my truck in your neighborhood, don't hesitate to stop by and say hello.

My Hovel Can be a Safe Place for You

In these uncertain times of orange alerts and warnings of al Qeada operatives driving into the United States with all manner of truck bombs, it is good to know that there remain some places not on their target list. Like my hovel. Intelligence sources confirm that at no time has Islam contemplated driving a U-Haul loaded with five tons of fertilizer and motor oil into the world HQ of Luke Enterprises. So women, take this into consideration: my hovel can be a safe haven for you in troubled times.

Does Luke Need an Intervention?

It's not the first time that someone has tried this on Luke. (In a previous existence, when I used the internet to engage in Lashon Horah, a crazed fan went so far as to attempt this. This person got nowhere.) Once again, voices inside my head are being heard that say Luke must be saved from himself, much as George Bush felt he needed to intervene to save the Iraqi people from their arab ruler Saddam. I ask this voice, "what form might such an intervention take, and to what end?" Here are some of his suggestions.

1. Beat Luke with sticks until he admits poverty.

2. Deny him entry into every Jewish institution in Los Angeles until he gets a job. The only excuse a Jew can truly have for not working is that he spends his days in the study of the Talmud, which Luke clearly has not been doing.

3. Offer him the inducement of sexual favors in exchange for honest labor.

4. Send him emails from sexually desirable women suggesting that perhaps they would be willing to get it on with Luke, if only he had a real job.

5. Shame him in public as only the public can.

6. Deny him access to free food for a distance of 60 miles in every direction from the LFP building.

7. Cut his internet cable, seize his computer.

8. Send him to camp. Migrant labor worker camp.

9. Force-feed him some fish and beef and chicken. His crazy goyishe eating habits have utterly sapped him of the will to succeed.

10. Paint inappropriate slogans on his van.

Scandal In Mexico

It couldn't start the worst way the first Mexico Erotic Festival that has taken place in Mexico D.F. these lasts days. The arrest, apparently totally irregular, of some of the guest artists, has spoiled what was expected to be a great event to approach sex, eroticism and porn to the people of this country. Last Friday the 30th of July, Nacho Vidal, Rita Faltoyano, Katsumi, Claudia Claire and Jane Darling, were arrested by the police officers during the Festival. Although at first they were just required to go with the officers to solve a bureaucratic procedure, truth is that once in the police premises; they held them incommunicado even without the opportunity to talk with any lawyer or duty solicitor.

Situation has become almost surrealist, so they were arrested under no other accusation than being carrying out lucrative activities when they were supposed to have entered the country with a tourist entry visa. Spanish actor and the actresses were under arrest for 27 hours¡ At the end, all of them, that were handed to Mexico by IFG, have been expelled out of Mexico and charged with a fine of 3000 euros, but, in addition they all had to sign a document stating they left the country absolutely of their own free will.

Festival and Spanish company managers' irritation, is obviously as you can imagine, enormous. Salvador Diago, IFG's president has declared that they weren't allowed to take clothes or any kind of food to the actresses that were wearing only a thong. "They have been infested with lice, herpes and even slept on the floor," he said. México is, curiously, one of the markets IFG is lately taking most into consideration.

Gene Ross Runs Into Lynn LeMay At XCon

Lemay after all these years is still busting my balls. Back in the Eighties, Lemay was dancing at a men's club in Lower Bucks County [Philadelphia] and I was supposed to see her that night only to stop off at a nearby 7-Eleven. And I got lucky. I met this girl who came back to my place...

LeMay sued AVN in the 1990s I believe. I guess it wasn't an article that Gene had written. When I last ran into her, in July 2000 at the FSC Dinner Dance, she put her hands around my neck to gently choke me. Yet she makes out with Gene. Shows where I am in the porn journalism hierarchy.

The irony of Internet sexuality

Mark Adkins writes on RAME:

I went online trying to find something that should be easy to locate, given the supposed obsession with sex attributed to American society in general and the Internet subset in particular.

Not to put too fine a point on it, I wanted photos, or preferably videos -- viewable online rather than for purchase, and viewable without entering credit card info or filling out a membership application -- of adult females' facial expressions as they had real orgasms. Not jaded porn actors faking them on commercial sites, but items posted either by amateur enthusiasts or even by clinical sites engages in academic research on the topic. (I'm not obsessed with the topic, by the way, I just had a hankering.)

Well, I spent an hour, with no luck. I also tried to find full-body images of women having real orgasms, but no luck with that either, given similar requirements. It should be a simple requirement: nothing too exotic, just women experiencing the intense pleasure of orgasm. No gross, weird, crapola. But guess what? No luck. Why is Internet "erotica" so unerotic and inaccessible, if there exists such an appetite for it?

BTW, I searched using Google, which seems to be an admirable search engine in many applications, so I can't attribute the problem to it.

Becca writes: "Pictures of your neighbors having orgasms, for free of course. The nitwit factor here has certainly increased since the mods left. Who in their right mind would post a picture of their wife/girlfiend having sex? For free? Why is it always the "real orgasm" crowd that just doesn't get it?"

Born to Steal: When the Mafia Hit Wall Street

Jill Kelly Productions Boiler Room

What are the similarities here? What are the differences?

Book Pimpin' Ain't Easy

It appears that the sales of my autobiography, XXX-Communicated: A Rebel Without a Shul, have inexplicably tapered off (four copies were sold in June, two in hardcover, for total royalties of $11:76, zero copies of The Producers sold that month) and just when sales were on that critical cusp of going from a few dozen to several dozen sold.

To date no major media outlet has opted to run any of my witty press releases or dashing head shots. Even has passed on my offer for an exclusive interview. Perhaps the dust jacket is a tad plain or maybe I just need some crackerjack testimonials to pimp ... er, promote my book?

Dear readers, if my humble tome has touched your lives in any positive way won't you please write a few lines of praise to help a brother Jew out?

I await your glowing endorsements.

Alien writes:

Thats some sucken stats there, I think you need an agent Luke. If anyone in Hollywood with proper intelligence saw and read what you have covered over the last 5 years in this f-cken business they would quickly realise your a goldmine to exploit. Maybe your not breakin off the correct percentage for any agents that might take you?

Wait I got a better idea. Hows your screen play writing? I mean I guess the big bucks are in the screen plays and scripts or somthing ask the lady wrote Harry Potter or even ask Ann Rice. Move into story telling.

PS: ialien LLC is now official. Unfortunatly I wont be hiring any Americans. They are to picky and expect to much. Trust me I know. I am an American.

Rodger Jacobs Writing, Producing Play 'LA Stories'

Award-winning porn screenwriter and journalist Rodger Jacobs aka Martin Brimmer is producing a play. He writes me:

It's based on my collection of L.A. Stories shorts. I'm assembling a cast now and will look for a venue soon. I'll probably be doing it as a charity production, most likely for Project Angel Food, as a two-to-four day preview in late September, early October. Once we have our charity in place we'll be needing an Angel - fund-raising parlance, as you know, for an investor - to help defray small costs, just a few thousand, tax deductible, so if you know of anyone let me know. Here's the foreword to the play:

This collection of short stories adapted for the stage represents a tangential trip into the mind of a Los Angeles writer - which is not to imply that the inner and exterior life of a left coast scribe is any different from that of, say, a New York writer with one obvious exception: geography does indeed shape and inform the writer's work.

A casual glance through these tales reveals one glaring and deliberate omission: gone are the references to earthquakes, mud slides, brush fires, congested freeways, celebrity murder trials, psychoanalysis, the Chateau Marmont, male hustlers on Santa Monica Boulevard, and all the other subjects that tend to preoccupy writers of L.A. regional fiction. What we get here instead are credit dentists, celebrity stalkers, Oklahoma transplants, unhinged actresses, disaffected bartenders, fast food restaurant poltergeists, Iranian porn stars, Shannen Doherty on a good day, and scrap metal thieves, among others.

The stories contained in this body of work are slice-of-life melodramas that, for the most part, could have occurred in any city on any continent in the world. They just happen to have occurred in L.A. because that's where I live. Some of the tales are completely autobiographical, others are expansions of strange episodes I either read about in the newspaper or in the daily crime blotter of the Los Angeles Police Department.

In the words of Randy Newman, I Love L.A.

Why doesn't Visa institute peer-to-peer transaction capability?

AmeliaG writes on GFY:

Why doesn't Visa institute peer-to-peer transaction capability? Why doesn't MasterCard? Amex?

The internet is like a giant yard sale which only sort of has cash.

I'm having trouble with my PayPal account, even though I only use it to sell nonadult advertising. A delightful competitor of mine has apparently been on a reporting spree. Even though PayPal can not find one single example of a violation -- because there are none -- my account is most likely going to be closed.

I think, with their install base, PayPal should be subject to the same scrutiny and regulation as banks. I know they have their recent chump change settlement deal. I don't think $50 is going to cover the thousands I lost in rebills when they closed my biz account after hand-selling me their subscription solution. But whatever.

I don't really want to patronize a company which strikes me as crooked. But it is not really feasible to convince other people to get accounts with epassporte, given its fee structure and incomprehensible business account system. I posted here and a couple of other places a while ago looking for epassporte endorsements and not one single person posted to say they had a business account and liked it.

I'm still mulling over getting a merchant account and epassporte to make sales, but I am stumped on how to buy stuff from other people. And my nonadult business will really suffer if I can't buy anything from businesses which sell with PayPal.

I think all I am really trying to say here is ARGH! But why don't the credit card companies eat PayPal's pie? I understand adult may be high risk, but the net is chock full of people who would prefer not to use PayPal but do not see another option.

Asia Carrera Turning 31 August 6th

She writes on

Ugh, it's almost my birthday again. I'm turning 31 years old on the 6th. Blech!! I wish I could start lying about my age, but you all know how old I am already, so what's the point?? LOL! (I've always wondered how Hollywood celebs managed to keep shaving years off their age without anyone catching on - do they start lying from their very first appearance onscreen or what??) Well, I won't complain too much, 'cause being pregnant has not only put enough pounds on me that I've got chubby cheeks like I did when I was 18, but my skin's even breaking out like it did when I was 15! So I feel more like an awkward teenager than anything else right now! One of my fans asked what I wanted for my birthday this year, and if I'd set up a baby registry online yet. The thought hadn't even occured to me, but it sounded like a pretty good idea (thanks!!) so I went over to and set one up. So for my birthday (and Xmas!) instead of getting ME anything this year, please feel free to pop over to my Baby Registry and pick out a gift for my little one instead!

Porn Quotes

From, hat tip to JimmyD for pointing it out:

"I expected to get AIDS. but Pink Eye?"

"Her problems come from child molestation: She can't figure out why she wasn't molested; wasn't she pretty enough?"

"I'll suck off anyone that will take me to Carls Jr's"

"I am so bored that I am looking for things I can stick in my ass and take pics of to send to my friends."

"I was there for 20 minutes and no one offered me drugs so I got pissed and left."

"They treat girls like eggs-- They use up the insides and throw the empty shells aside." (Ashley Blue said this one today!)

"Hell, in this business somebody is going to take advantage of you. Why not us?"

I Miss Jettis Already

Shap writes on GFY:

Yesterday I emailed Paycom regarding the changes. No Reply. Today a number of our backup sales through jettis had no access. I email jettis support desk. They inform me that Paycom is now handling all support. So i email Paycom. Once, Twice, Three Times now. 8 hours. Still no reply. Great Customer Service. Time to pull all our join links. I'm not going to be pushing my sales to the first of the big three that will be going down. I miss Jettis and i miss Jennifer Maddux's fast replies.

But no reply from an email yesterday? No reply to a support question in 8 hours today? That's weak. I've heard alot of people tell me the same thing about Paycom. From what I've heard the support staff are a bunch of idiots. That's customer and tech.

Paul Markham writes:

I've been waiting 7 months for them to get approval for us with Visa, don't get nothing from them to tell me why or what. That kind of support sucks and if I have to phone them so they can earn 15% out of my processing they can... Will give them a verbal bashing when I see them in Miami.

Hib96 writes: "I used to be with Epoch 5 years ago, a lot of these problems were there than and at that time they were also not giving people's reserves back, at that time I left to go to Jettis, it seems with Jettis selling our databases, we have come full circle."

Mike Hawk writes: "We will be cascading with CCbill, Paycom, Net Billing, Electra Cash, Dialers, Ibill and many others to improve our sales."

Shap writes:

I would never post before tending to members. The members' problems were rectified long before the post. To make sure this doesn't happen again we removed Jettis from our Join option (this was also done before we posted here). Our members come before everything. Anybody who has dealt with us knows that. Our 0.20% Chargeback rate confirms that.

I agree the Jettis reserves are a problem. It has had us worried for well over a year. I've had multiple phone conversations with jettis regarding our reserves and they all led to nothing. Not one dime. I think it was obvious to anyone using Jettis that the day they would no longer be a 3rd party processor was around the corner.

I also agree that Jettis did not look after all their clients equally. I'm sure they took good care of the Nasty Dollars crew, but when it came to other clients like us and yourself we were pretty much ignored at shows. I remember Sleazy introducing me to Ken Lawson last year. He introduce me as a webmaster that processes with Jettis. Ken's response? "Thanks for making me money. " He laughed and walked off. He acted like a real prick. And all those around me couldn't believe it. We've been phasing Jettis out since that day. So thanks to that meeting this move doesn't hurt us one bit. Thanks Ken .

Rand at Epoch writes:

:: EPOCH TECH SUPPORT IS THERE FOR YOU :: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. Just like your business.

Forgive the dust, temporarily, while we integrate each and every new site that has come from Jettis. Take comfort in the fact that this entire undertaking took place with no interruption in processing, no changes to ratios or conversions, and without a single one of Jettis' IPSP clients doing a single thing. I personally think *that alone* speaks volumes about Epoch's tech support as well as the excellent planning of Ken and Kjell and the rest of the crew at Jettis.

I was once the "only" person in client services. Then I headed the department. Now, there is an entire staff headed by two amazing men 24/7 that is there for your needs. Yes, this is a busy time for us and the dust will settle soon. And, yes, you should get and deserve to get a response to every single inquiry to Epoch within 24 hours. In fact, we strive to respond to every single email within one hour. Be sure you are using the correct address which is or (they both go to the same place). Include enough information to identify your account and provide a phone number we can call should the need arise.

If you don't get a response to anything you need within 24 hours, please resend your request and CC me and I can assure you of a speedy reply.

Epoch has done everything in our power along with the help of the Jettis team to insure a painless migration to our services including full Visa registration paid for by Epoch. There was absolutely no interruption in service when the switch was flipped and sales continue to look completely normal according to both Epoch and Jettis.

Epoch has always done what was best for your business and ours. Our vision has always been to focus on the long term. We are here for you and we will respond to your requests, and even your criticisms. We are a service organization and our goal is to be the best processor on the planet. That may sound hokey, but it's true.

The largest programs in this business process with us for a reason. We deliver, we stand by our word, and we play by the rules.

Ken Lawson from Jettis writes:

Regarding Jettis reserves. Jettis has always mirrored our various banks in terms of reserve holdbacks and releases. Now that we are out of the IPSP business, client reserves will be released from our banks and in turn released to our clients. Jettis will be sending out a letter to all clients explaining this process in the coming weeks. The good news here is that most of our old clients will be getting reserve releases, but will have no new reserves held by Paycom due to their "zero reserve policy". This means increased cash flow to many of you!

This is simply false. Anyone who knows me or has done business with me (including Sleazy) knows that's not my style. I've always treated everyone in this business (big or small) the same. I'm sorry if you walked away from meeting me with a bad impression, but I said nothing even close to what you stated above. That's now how I think and certainly not how I act.

Regardless, we chose Paycom to service our clients on a going forward basis for very good reasons. They are clearly the industry leaders, they have a very good management team (Chris, Clay and Joel) and they have set up an amazing organization. In our opinion, Paycom is here for the long run and brings much needed stability to an industry that changes constantly.

As Rand posted above, Paycom is prepared to help you with any issues or questions you might have. Having said that, Kjell and I continue to be here to help any of our old clients with their new Paycom relationship. You can always e-mail or and we will assist you in dealing with any concerns or questions you might have.

My advice to anyone who has concerns would be to give Paycom a little time. They are working around the clock to deal with a large influx of new clients, etc. Given the magnitude of this transition, I think they are handling it very well, with very few problems.

Wanker Wang Analyzes Porn Economics For

If you look at the every new issue of AVN, you see brand new companies popping out like microwaved popcorn only to be chewed up and spit out within months. Egos run rampant in this business with directors, talent, agencies, graphic artists all thinking they're responsible for their sales. Most may have a point but the sad reality is that overall, this is a game about money driven by consumer demand and smart business practices. Read On.