Monday, August 9th, 1999
Paul Cambria Kicks Luke's Ass - Click Here.
From www.geneross.com:
Gloria Leonard writes: "Have you noticed on Luke's opening page, the statement about certifying the viewer is over 18? It now also states that if you enter, you accept Jesus Christ as Lord!! A not so subtle attempt at losing even more surfers! Remember FORD's unflattering axiom - Fix or Repair Daily? For Loser Luke's benefit, it should be changed to "f--- or Ream Daily." I'm there!"
Gene sez: "I'm of the firm belief that Luke has found the way of the truth and the light. He's a porn little lamb who has gone astray. Bah, bah, bah."
Stiffieee writes: "If the smut biz is owned and operated by the Mafia, as Luke F-rd would have us believe, then why is he (Ford) still breathing ?"
Gene sez: "Because the Mafia is a good thing. They're great guys."
Luke Apologizes to AVN
Over the past few weeks, Luke F-rd has run totally fictitious and untrue stories about the industry's trade magazine Adult Video News and its publisher Paul Fishbein. All comments attributed to Paul Fishbein over the past four months were totally fabricated by Luke F-rd.
The following are examples of the fictitious, made-up stories that Luke has run in past weeks that he now retracts and apologizes for:
FSC to USA - 'Eat s--- and Die'
As the level of moral pollution in America increased last year to record levels, the Free Speech Coalition (porn's trade group) today released a statement saying the country could "eat s--- and die."
Speaking for the entire industry, Vivid owner Steve Hirsch said that based on his background in economics he knew "that while society must bear the huge costs of a flourishing porn industry, the benefits are concentrated in the hands of a few" like himself and Edward Wedelstedt.
FSC executive director Jeffrey Douglas said that the industry group will be lobbying Congress to reduce the age of consent to nine.
"Why should a picture of an eleven year old's split beaver be any less valid a form of expression than a Jane Austen novel," asked Adult Video News publisher Paul Fishbein, who's planning a new magazine called Barely Pubescent. Moving downmarket to compete with Larry Flynt Publications and l-keford.com, Paul's new book will display graphic genitalia shots of the youngest pussy possible.
While America chokes in the fumes of an increasingly perverse sex industry, leading pornographers like Sin City's Matt Taylor say they just want to be left alone to pimp confused young women.
"I hate it when anybody tells me what to do," said Taylor, while pumping dozens of toxic videos into the quivering vulnerable American soul. "The IRS can blow me."
Justice Department Cracks Down
FBI agents swarmed across the San Fernando Valley this morning, arresting leading members of the American porn industry for anti-trust violations that include price fixing. At arraignment this morning, Vivid impressario Steve Hirsch wore a tasteful purple chiffon gown which accentuated all his curves.
Graced by his favorite black fishnet stockings and high dominatrix heels, Paul Fishbein stood quietly in a pink foofi dress. In an unusual move, the Los Angeles district attorney placed a placard around the neck of the AVN publisher which read "King of the Jews," and planted upon his head a crown of thorns.
"If you're truly the son of god, then save yourself," said the DA.
Fishbein replied in a quiet but firm voice, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No porner comes to the godfather but through me."
The only porner at arraignment dressed like a man was Free Speech Coalition president Gloria Leonard, but this came as no surprise to distinguished observers of adult entertainment.
In a statement just released by the White House, President Clinton declared Russ Hampshire, Lenny Friedlander and company "very naughty boys who needed to be spanked."
While watching videotape of a chiffon-less Hirsch taking it up the ass from a strap-on wielding Janine, Dutch pornographer Charlie Geerts said the arrests did not interest him nearly as much as the rumor that Marc Davis and Kobe Tai had split up.
Interviewed by NBC's Today show, Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward explained that the Justice Department crackdown was inevitable given the climate of hatred and hysteria whipped up by l-keford.com.
Legal observers expect porners to adopt the innovative strategy successfully used by Goalie Entertainment head Edward Wedelstedt who has long explained his five years in prison for dealing in stolen property as "a harmless expression of constitutionally protected free speech."
Our Father Gene
Early Monday morning, Luke wrote GeneRoss.com: "Gene, I've seen the error of my ways. Vivid Video attorney Paul Cambria truly kicked my ass Saturday night and Sunday morning and I feel terrible. I can't believe some of the things that I have published on my site the last few weeks. In early June I went off my anti-depressant Nardil and I think I just went off the deep end. Paul Fishbein's phone call to Ed Powers touched me deep inside. I am truly ashamed and have emailed Paul and Vivid to offer my heartfelt apologies and retractions. I can only hope that something good will come out of this whole sorry saga. Gene, if only the children of America can learn from my mistakes. Boys and girls, it's not very nice to accuse innocent people of having AIDS just to increase hits to your website. Thank you Gene and God bless America."
Gene replies: "Go and sin no more."
Luke: "Gene, are you my father?"
Gene: "I am the father of all men. He who readeth my thite and believith, shall liveth forevereth." Daffy Duck 3:16.
Priest Confesses
VIENNA, Austria (AP) - A priest charged in connection with an Internet child pornography ring has confessed to sexually abusing a dozen boys between the ages of 10 and 12, police officials said Monday.
Luke Apologizes to Hirsch, Vivid Video
On Saturday and Sunday, August 7th and 8th, on two Los Angeles radio shows, I debated Vivid Video general counsel Paul Cambria regarding various false statements I had made about Vivid Video, owner Steven Hirsch,and the Vivid contract girls. Cambria demolished me and I had to admit that I had totally fabricated the statements I had made that the Vivid girls used condoms because they had AIDS, that Hirsch had the girls work as prostitutes at the Bunny Ranch on weekends, and that Hircsh himself had been arrested for antitrust violations. I apologize for these statements. I made them up totally in an attempt to be funny. I now realize that this was wrong and I would like to set the record straight and state that these statements were totally false and complete fabrications on my part.
Vivid Video writes Luke: "Also as part of this process we request that you remove all of your current references to Vivid, Steven Hirsch and Fahringer from your site and you not link any of them or this e-mail to your letter of apology. Furthermore, any future references to Vivid, the Vivid contract girls or Steve Hirsch be strictly factual and verified by you in a responsible manner. I also suggest that if you are in doubt as to the truth concerning any alleged facts regarding the business affairs of Vivid, the contract girls or Steven Hirsch, feel free to contact me for verification. Finally we do want you to continue to run the transcript of our debate for at least the next thirty days."
World Modeling
On August 3, 1999, porn's premier talent agency sent Luke this letter: "It has come to our attention that you have our site linked to yours. We would appreciate it if you would cease and desist this immediately. We have not given you permission to do this, and would like you to remove this link." Jim South, owner/manager.
You can visit World Modeling at www.worldmodeling.com or just stop by anytime at 4523 Van Nuys Blvd, Suite 205, Sherman Oaks, CA 91423. 818-986-4316, 9487. I give Jim South's agency my seal of approval. Tell him Luke F-rd sent you. I hear he particularly needs new men right now. Call now, operators are standing by.
Once Upon a Time
Paul Cambria Kicks Luke's Ass
Vivid Video attorney Paul Cambria kicked my ass on two radio show debates Saturday night - Sunday morning. He suggested that I lead my site with the phrase "once upon a time." I agreed.
Luke was not in good shape for these debates. After synagogue Friday night, Luke picked up a CuteJewishGirl and pounded her into a soggy mess. Then Saturday morning, before going to synagogue again, Luke pounded her again. A tremendous fornicator, Luke hardly slept and was an absolute frazzled mess by the time he faced the fearsome Cambria.
My therapist set me up with a nice Jewish girl, Miss Anonymous, who accompanied me (our first date) to KFI AM 640 at 8:30 PM Saturday night for my 9PM appearance on the Wayne Resnick Show.
I.M. Fletcher writes: You've done all the mea culpas and all, you've retracted, you've said you've lied...All of this despite the fact that you've stated more than several times that you were making s--- up for purely satirical purposes. People have believed you in the past, though who in their right mind would believe that the entire stable of contract girls Vivid has contracted AIDS? That a publishing group actually would have decided to print Barely Pubescent in this day and age?
I read your site on a daily basis, and I take everything I read with a canister of salt...More telling for me is the way that people respond to what you're writing, from Nice Jewish Girl's self-righteousness to Rob (I forget his last name)'s threats to break your nose, Bianca Trump's hatred of Brandy Alexander to the occasional diatribe against porner X. All of these were capped by the amount of sensitivity expressed by makers of porn on what are absolutely ridiculous charges.
Whatever, one of the things established in the transcripts is that the targets of your umbrage got to say, "He's lying."
Another thing that was established over the weekend is that if you say up front, on the article itself, that what you're doing is intended as satire, you can get away with murder. May Paul Cambria himself correct me now, but that is what is constantly being said over and over on the transcripts. So f--- 'em. f--- Vivid when they say not to run any future items about their owner, talent and staff that aren't truly factual, and then ask you to further rub your own nose in the s--- by "running the transcript for 30 days." According to their own lawyer you can say what you want as long as you preface it with "For satirical purposes only."
'smatterofact: FOR SATIRICAL PURPOSES ONLY:
I, I.M. Fletcher, contracted several cases of the clap, herpes, AIDS, and e-coli from Stephen Hirscht. Steve "Sweetie" has been the only man I've loved for 'lo these last 18 months, though I know he sleeps around. He has told me on several occasions that he "plays it safe...especially with the talent." When confronted with the results of my blood test, Stevie said, and I quote: "I must have gotten it from when Janine s----f---ed me. And then made me rub the rest on my body. Whatever was left I ate. Guess I didn't shower as well as I had thought." ------------------
Look, this isn't a case of a fan fawning over a celebrity. Quite frankly, I disagree with some of the things you've said in the past, and some of what you do. This whole First Amendment thing has gone WAY over the f---ing line. They had a point, they made it, then they won, by way of bluster and bullying. That should f---ing be enough.