BlowJobs are FUN! by Kayden Kross

   
BJs are fun for everyone

by Kayden Kross from her Myspace blog

Let’s talk about blow jobs. Of the many many things porn botches and distorts I think blow jobs take the hardest hit. Blow jobs and boobs. If you watch any award winning porn you’re going to see this: 3-5 minutes of gagging, spitting and choking on a dick that was hard before she got it out of his pants. She’ll slap her face with it. She’ll jerk it hard and fast. She’ll stop and go. She’ll baby talk it. You probably won’t see his face but it’s there—the bad blowjob grimace.
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Blow jobs are an art form. They require time and patience and love. While they are great for foreplay I think they’ve been typecast. They’re not only foreplay. They are a means unto themselves, and ladies, if you’re really doing them right you probably love them as much as he does. A good blow job can be better than sex. It is not a coupon that you issue on birthdays and holidays or when you fuck up. It is not a chore. It is an exercise in meditation. I zone out when I give them. I go to my happy place where the penis and I exist in perfect harmony. The very thought of giving one makes me salivate. I don’t believe in lube I believe in blow jobs.
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A member of my website emailed me his theory on blow job cohorts. He thinks teenagers of the 70’s love to give them, teenagers of the 80’s find them degrading, and teenagers of the 90’s came back around again. Apparently there are blow job generational gaps. I have not tested this theory, and being a teenager of the last decade and generally ignorant of sexual culture outside of my bubble I was unaware that blowjobs had ever been out of favor since the advent of birth control. If you like them, read on, if not, there are many more bloggers out there who are far less concerned with the business of BJs.
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Here’s why boys like vaginas: they’re soft and wet and warm and lined with tight  muscles. The entire reason blow jobs are so wonderful for boys is they mimic this habitat. But vaginas don’t have teeth. Teeth are used for grinding flesh and roughage. They maim and kill. So keep your fucking teeth out of it, which means don’t dive bomb his poor dick with your throat. I don’t care how cool it looks in porn. It’s very hard to get perfect aim at high speed. If you feel you must deep throat for the bragging rights, then depress your tongue over the top of your lower front teeth and breath out slowly as you go down on it. It feels like it pops into place. But do it slowly and avoid dragging sharp objects across it at all costs. If you’re not sure whether you’ve done it, look for tears. They are a sure sign of throat blockage.
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Vaginas don’t hit either, so don’t smack it against things. When you see guys in porn pull out and slap it around they’re not doing it because it feels good. They’re doing it so they don’t cum. That means it feels not good. And I understand dirty talk, I do, but you know what you’re not doing when you’re going cross-eyed staring at his dick and telling him all the dirty things you’re gonna do to him? You’re not sucking his dick. So shut up and suck it. Save the dirty talk for times when your mouth is not occupied or at least pick up sign language.
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Pay attention to where contact is actually being made. While avoiding teeth you may end up going too far the other direction and not giving enough stimulation. He can feel the whole length of a vagina, he can’t always feel the whole length of a mouth. Make it count. The head and immediately underneath it are the bulls eye, then from there take in as much as you can without sacrificing quality for quantity. Shafts are cool but that’s why you have hands so use them. If you use both then use them in the same way, and use them with spit. Live by these words: the wetter the better. The best wetness comes from the back of the mouth. It’s longer lasting like Doublemint gum. Do not make a sock toy out of his penis. That is an absolute no-no. Massage it, stroke it, love it. Don’t hurt or desensitize it. The meaner you get the harder it’s going to be for him to cum. Blow jobs are only fun in the absence of lockjaw.
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Now here is why blow jobs rule: vaginas don’t have tongues. Tongues can go any direction they want. And they’re soft and wet and strong. They are a dick’s best friend. Don’t ruin that relationship. Don’t flick at it with the tip. Put as much tongue surface area as you can on him in a steady circular motion and it will keep you salivating and him happy. It will also keep your lower teeth covered. Remember you’re trying to one-up a vagina here. It just so happens that when you’re facing his belly button with his dick in your mouth it lands right where it should on your tongue, with the underside of the head nestled safely in it’s care. That’s because nature intended for us to give head constantly.
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Hands are dry, bony, and the least-soft body part you can use on him unless he’s into feet. They are not a lost cause though. He seems to get by with his own with no problem on a daily basis. Grip it just enough that the skin can be used as a sleeve, so that it moves with the hand and not against it. It’s especially nice when you can use the foreskin or what’s left of it when gliding over the head. A harmonious blow job puts your lips in near or direct contact with the top of the fist you’ve made around his shaft, and everything moves together. The hand covers what the mouth couldn’t get to and the mouth keeps everything lubricated. It’s a fine example of teamwork. The slow twisting motion that everyone seems to talk about is not urban legend. Use it.
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Let’s talk about all the little tricks you’ve heard of. Humming. Blowing. Nibbling. Ice. Playing with balls. Feathers. Vibrators. Toys in buttholes. Whatever. Some are cool. Some are not. The problem with these tricks is the blow jobber ends up focusing too much on the tricks and not enough on the penis at hand. Only do it if it doesn’t take away from the quality job you were already doing. I like to stroke lightly from the back of the balls towards the shaft with just my fingertips. I use my left hand when I do it and my tongue and right hand never miss a beat. Blow jobs in the wild don’t need bells and whistles though. Don’t let Cosmo confuse you.
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And now the most important thing of all: rhythm. It doesn’t matter how perfectly you do everything else if you don’t do it with an even tempo. Every time you stop and go you’re starting over on building his orgasm. If you pay attention you can feel him respond to the speed he likes. Faster does not always equal better. You’re not in a race, and if you were you’d lose because too fast will only desensitize him. He’ll get harder as he gets closer, he’ll get softer if you’re doing something wrong. Adjust accordingly. Just because I’m stressing an even tempo doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speed up or slow down as required. It means transition slowly. Balls also move. A lot. Balls are the window to his soul. Pay attention to where they are and what they’re doing and you’ll get a feel for how to tell when he’s close. Some guys have poker balls though, in which case focus on whatever changes—breathing, flexing etc…  Once he starts to cum, do not change what you’re doing, whatever that may be. If you hit a rut, stop, give it a rest for a few minutes, and start anew. It’s a blow job blank slate. In my experience, once you pick up the right motion, the guesswork is gone. You will become one with the penis and it pulls you into an altered state and suddenly you’ll feel like an extension of it and when he cums you might have a feel-good moment too. At least I do. And that’s why I love them.
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Disclaimer: The second you feel like you’ve mastered it you’ll probably meet the guys who likes teeth and vice grips and throws a wrench in the whole process. I can’t control for the outliers.

37 thoughts on “BlowJobs are FUN! by Kayden Kross

  1. Weird how she has time to write this for her Myspace blog but hasn’t updated at Mike South’s site in so long. He also the other day had surgery and nothing from her on his site. He’s even written on his site how she and others don’t contribute to his site as much anymore.

    He helped Kayden a great deal. Not that many people knew who Kayden was until she started blogging for Mike South. Then he made himself look like an ass in front of the industry defending Kayden on everyone’s blogs and forums saying how innocent she is but she’s already plead no contest and will be sentenced this week.

    She has time to update her Myspace and her new mainstream writing gig (the same blowjob post) but not update Mike’s blog. The new mainstream writing gig is the same site Stefani Morgan went to after she left porn. Many of the comments at that site is skewering Kayden and he writing skills and even from one of their other writers. Yeah what may seem cute in porn writing is a completely different thing when writing for a mainstream website.

  2. The Colonel says:

    The thing about the blow job is that a good, dedicated, perverted whore pours her heart and soul into it and makes it enjoyable for herself and her male counterpart; but a cold blooded, man hating vicious bitch like Kayden Kross only does it for the cold hard fucking cash and despite the crap she writes here, I guarantee you she hates every minutes of it.

    Of course all whores suck cock to get paid; but there are whores, and then there are whores, if you catch my drift.

  3. The drift that I catch, Colonel, is that you are a closet Homosexual. How else would you explain your total hatred of women?

  4. Why is it called a “blow job” when most of the time she’s sucking? In fact, I’ve not sure I’ve really ever seen a blow job.. It don’t matter how hot a girl thinks a cock is, she doesn’t have to blow on it unless someone just poured gasoline on it and set it on fire…

  5. The Colonel says:

    The drift you should catch, FanBoi asswipe, is that you should go fuck yourself. After all years of jerking off you still don’t know the difference between a bitch and a whore, do you? So for the record, I love whores, but hate bitches. I hate fanboys, too.

  6. MissBiatch2U says:

    Colonel, You are an irony wrapped in an enigma.

    You are an old school bully. Can dish out the flame, but certainly can’t take it. The minute anyone gives you a hard time, I see you saying you will delete their comments. And you run to Ms Cindi everytime someone calls you out. So you can say Fuck you you two bit whore, but if someone says The Colonel is a cock sucker, that comment is deleted, or threatened to be deleted.

    And for some crazy reason, the little boys on this board are afraid to call you out. I’m not.

    I’m losing respect for you by the minute. You are a tough guy in your own mind. But a wimp in real life.

    So buy me a donut, tell me to go fuck myself and I will tell you that you are a loser, and I’m sad to say that, but the truth hurts.

    You try to RULE LIB, but really, you are just a sad scared little boy, with an attitude problem. You have so much hatred in your heart for women, I understand why someone told you that you were gay.

    I don’t care about anyone’s sexuality. But the embarrassment over yours is becoming obvious.

  7. The Colonel says:

    What did you have tonight, Biatch, did you get laid after god knows how long? Because you sound upbeat and energetic. I hope you don’t end up killing yourself, you know sudden excitement before suicide attempts is common among depressed people, and you sure are a depressed person, Biatch, aren’t you? How can you not be? You’re a middle age, over wieght, lonely chick with an attitude that stinks worse than dog shit, so tell me again why should I give two fucks about what someone like you thinks about me.

    But for the record, I prefer to have conversations about important and/or interesting issues. I express my opinion without being worried about who agrees with me and who doesn’t, because this is still a free country. I try to avoid going back and forth with stupid people like you because I have no time or tolerance for them; and I also meet people on their own level. When I post an article on LIB, I expect people to agree or disagree with me without turning my thread into a battlefield or derailing it. If it tends to get out of control, then it’ll be dealt with as in any other web site.

    I don’t try to rule LIB, I only try to make it better and more interesting, because I love this web site and it has been a part of my life for more than a decade; and I love Cindi and have a good relationship with her based on mutual respect and understanding. Unlike you, I don’t have homosexual tendencies, and last but not least I don’t like big mouthed, disgusting fat fucks like you who try to prove themselves or validate their existence by spewing verbal diarrhea on public message boards. So now you can go eat your donuts and fuck yourself.

  8. Larry Horse says:

    Maybe she should write about stealing from Veterans, allegedly. But her writing skills will really sharpen in the clink. Cindi, why dont you start Porn Prison Blogs, no shortage of material there. There could even be an asshole meter, where one could see how much someones rectum has expanded since being in the joint, like I bet soon Max will have a nice size gape.

  9. “A good blow job can be better than sex.”

    I bet she has the same lawyers as Bill Clinton. Remember folks, BJ are NOT SEX.

  10. goldebear says:

    Has Kayden had lip augmentation? IMO, she looked better before.

  11. max softcore says:

    Miss Biatch, I salute you….

  12. The Colonel says:

    Don’t be too soft, Maxie. Maybe you and Biatch should get together and fuck, apparently you both need to get laid more often; unless you prefer cock over pussy which given your massive homo jerk user name is not unlikely.

  13. I don’t have idea about if Kayden enjoy or not doing blow jobs all I can say is that I love her, is one of my favorite performers in porn valley, I guess that in some scenes she enjoys doing it specially if Nick Manning is the dick for sucking anyway I will let my fantasy flying when I see Kayden in action because she turns me on a lot and she always were nice with me.
    I want to say something about the comments against The Colonel, sometimes he can be rude with girls in porn but I don’t have any doubt he is one of the attractive of this blog, he always put the spicy in all posts and yes this is a free blog and you are in USA the mother of Democracy in this world so let’s keep on being free and saying what we think in every moment.

  14. colonel, who is your favorite porn whores to fuck or to direct? thanks.

  15. The Colonel says:

    Pornfan my friend, I’ve got many favorite whores, but to mention a couple of them randomly:

    Amber Rayne

    Holly Wellin

    Rayveness

    Hillary Scott

    Lexi Love

    Of course the list can go on and on. I’m a whoremonger. I love whores and can’t imagine my life without them.

  16. Of those I like Holly Wellin, Rayveness and Lexi Love.

  17. Holly Wellin what a nice cock sucker! I love her

  18. The Colonel says:

    That’s right, Pepe, Holly is a wonderful person and a great performer who gives some of the best blow jobs in the world; and she doesn’t have to steal text from an erotic novel and puts it in a ‘blog’ to prove that. She’s for real.

  19. BTW Kimmie Krook was sentenced to one, read ONE, day in Jail plus probation. Strike One………….

  20. colonel, yeah rayveness does seem nasty. i’ve never seen any of her movies, just clips from the web from galleries, as for lexie love i had to stop and think, i was thinking od lexi belle which i think is one of pimpwhich’s bitches, anyway happy july!

  21. The Colonel says:

    Happy 4th of July to you too, Pornfan. Talking to you is always a pleasure.

  22. colonel, going to do a little surfing here, i’ll check back on lib a little later.

  23. The Colonel:

    “she doesn’t have to steal text from an erotic novel and puts it in a ‘blog’ to prove that. She’s for real”

    O-M-G I’m devastated lol

  24. By the way Colonel another “real” favorite Cock Sucker you specially like among the nasty Holly Wellin? and yes LIB would not be the same without that touch of spicy you have 😉

  25. The Colonel says:

    There are many good, honest to god cock suckers in porn, to name a few more: Jennifer Dark, Shayla Laveaux and Annette Shwartz. All of them are great girls and have great personalities.

  26. All those last 3 are classic performers. Annette is also a nasty pig who loves her urine, I’ll marry her in a minute.

  27. The Colonel says:

    Annette is a porn genius with extraordinary ideas. When you work with her, the sky is the limit. Currently she’s in Europe, but I hope she comes back to the valley soon. I get a hard on every time I mention her name.

  28. Colonel:

    Annette is a breath of fresh air in this business I heard that she is retired and only doing dirty things in Germany because she is serious in love with a guy, probably she loves urine too. I always loved her, probably seems she is crazy (indeed she is) but she is a lovely and nice girls plus she loves Madrid mi city. I hope Spiegler call her soon and she wanted to come back to “La Dolce Vita” in L.A.

    About Shayla Laveaux awww…I remember her on the 90 ‘s what a good performer, I remember my best cums in front of a screen with her 😉

    I will tell you a great cock sucker too…Jessica Jaymes I hope to be agree with you. I love her (I will not say is my favorite because elglorioso will call me again Pathetic but I will say she is a good friend of mine)

    rics:

    Annette the Piss Queen, you know what I am talking about lol

  29. I will not fuck Jessica Jaymes even with Christian´s dick. You know why Pepe. You know why.

  30. Be the death of me, is my life and is my wife………..

  31. Rics; Hey Man!! you know a lot of things in this crazy world haha

  32. The Colonel says:

    Pepe my friend, Jessica Jaymes falls in the bitch category, not the whore category; so I’m not digging her. But here’s another one of my favorite cock suckers: Bobbi Starr.

  33. Sir, Bobby Star is a good choice sir.

    About porn bitches, they all seem to like horses, or the Horse sir.

  34. Larry Horse says:

    She got one day in the clink and three years probation, they knocked down the charge. She got off as easy as Chris Brown.

  35. ONE DAY. ONE FUCKING DAY. Can you believe this?

  36. Bobbi Starr is a wonder of nature in sex issues plus she loves soccer and she loves sex for real too

  37. What is her favorite team Pepe? I hope is not the Tottemham Spurs, I let that to the Trannyfucker and his Lord Protector the Earl of Pimpwich.

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