My Exclusive interview with major muscle man, and ex-cop porn dude, the gorgeous, yet self-depreciating Jordan Lane. Don’t hate him because he is beautiful… and funny.
By Cindi Loftus
Jordan with Aurora Snow
What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you since you’ve been in the adult biz? The funniest thing that ever happens to me is when I stand in front of the mirror every morning in mute contemplation of why the hell anybody would pay to watch a nobody like me have sex on camera with anyone else. I’m balding, middle aged and have an utterly ridiculous haircut that I use to disguise that fact that I’m balding and middle aged. I find that both ridiculous and funny.
How is your dating life now that you are in the X biz? Eric Swiss said it best, to wit: "Having a girlfriend or dating is like bringing sand to the beach" (paraphrased)
Jordan with Shane Ryder pic by XpressImpact.com
Do you date porn girls or civilians? My last girlfriend was a successful Westside veterinarian who quickly discovered that dating me was like a trip to Vegas, i.e., a lot of fun, but you usually come home with empty pockets and venereal disease. It was early last year and I was marginally employed running the gauntlet of new guy high risk gonzo scenes (b/b/b/g, blow bangs, b/b/b/b/b/b/b/b/b/b/b/g’s and the like) so I was perpetually broke and perpetually living on antibiotics. It was my first and only bad test & I didn’t even have half a ball to tell her in person. I texted her that "Honey, I meant to give you many things in our relationship but unfortunately the first thing that I gave you is gonorrhea". She dutifully dumped me.
You did do some "gay" scenes although it wasn’t having sex with men. I’ll let you explain…
I googled myself out of sheer and utter boredom months ago found innumerable entries for "Jordan Lane" gay porn star. It was a bit emasculating but the first was for Tina Tyler’s "Handyman" series (solo) and the other was for "Straight Guys for Gay Eyes" (a b/g with busty MILF Alisandra) which their probably still kicking themselves for booking me on as I was a fat, bloated 242 pounds of mess and funny haircut that I obviously cut myself.
The fact that you used to be a cop really sends my fantasy world rocking. Tell me about all the girls you got because you were an law officer….
And I want specifics with details!
I’ll be brutally candid. I was in a different philosophical space at that time. I was always hyper-aware that reputation is social currency in small towns and I had been rightfully branded as a drunken, tail-chasing and dysfunctional muscle choad. The aforementioned, while undeniably accurate, nearly prevented Wheeling Police Department from hiring me.
My projected career continuum was municipal civil servant, juris doctorate then on to local level prosecutor (which is an elected position).
One of my favorite aphorisms has always been Joseph Kennedy’s (sire of the Kennedy family) assertion that "It’s not who you are but who people THINK you are" so I was endlessly striving to project a wholesome, palatable image while in uniform however…one of my colleagues "watch-cammed" himself in a heated foray with his sometimes girlfriend on the hood of his patrol car. Not to be outdone, I surreptitiously arranged for 2 dancers to meet me on the hood of my patrol car after work. Unfortunately I knew nothing about camera awareness so it wound up being a pointless mix of random body-parts and me pathetically parroting bad porn movie dialogue cliches.
You have now been in the porn movie biz for over a year, what have you found to be the best and worst things about it?
The worst is the self actualization when I chat with my father. I am reminded that I will wear a lifelong social scarlet letter for being in "the porn movie biz" and feel like a colossal failure and disappointment to my family.
The upside is that a nobody like me would get paid to have sex with beautiful women which allows my very married high school buddies to live vicariously through my job. Another upside is that although I never make a blanket statements about any profession or demographic, the people in our very large and very incestuous family I have found to be profoundly good-natured and genuine. Most people falsely presuppose a pretentious and vacuous bunch of Southern Californians of impoverished spirit, drugged and drunken despondency and hopelessness which disappoints me to no end.
(NL- Stay tuned for part 2 where I even give you girls his personal e-mail address)
still GAY….westcoast style prop.8 ferry, stay off craigslist.com
texting to tell somone you gave them an std is pretty fuckin weak
‘He is beautiful and funny.’
I beg to differ, but whatevr that floats your boat.
This past Thursday, I saw Luke Ford at Marty Turkel’s funeral; haven’t seen him in a year. We talked just about everything, including the dying adult industry and LIB. I asked him if he’s following up with his previous, once infamous website. He said yes. I asked what’s he thinking. He smiled and shook his head; then changed the subject and asked me something about a mutual friend.
Now ladies, while you’re fantasizing about beautiful and funny Mr. Lane, I have to go do more important and productive things such as drinking and getting wasted. Have fun.
Good interview Cindi. Its a good thing to get the male performers perspective once in a while. Its curious how no one ever asks the male actors if they were molested as children.
I agree the girl makes the scene. However, a lame limp dick monkey man can really ruin it. I remember watching a Christy Canyon scene in the late 80’s where the guy had serious helmet in bush. They faked the penatration shots with camera angles and the pop shot was something off the catering table.
Jeremy Steele, were you molested as a child? (I know you have many times as an adult)
I wonder how many gullible girls will he infect?