Love in the XXX World
Op/Ed By Lucky Starr
I was bored last night and I starting doing what I usually do and start poking around on the internet..Suddenly, I came across a Q & A website that had this question…
Could you ever be in a committed relationship with a pornstar?
Some say that love has no boundaries but others might argue it does. Take the example of dating a pornstar. Could you be in a committed relationship with someone who sleeps with other people for a living? Would love prevail or would you search elsewhere?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this question lately because I’ve been on both sides, dating a civilian, and dating a porn star. When I first entered the industry, I was engaged to a civilian man who loved watching me with other men. So when the thought of me doing porn entered the conversation, without hesitation he replied, "That would be HOT!". As time went on, I became obsessed with my new profession. I started dieting, exercising, practicing posing for a camera in front of a mirror, and watching lots of scenes so I could imitate what particular things turned me on. He used to take me out to celebrate after my shoots and wanted to hear every last horny detail. I starting going to parties, social events, fundraising events, as well as doing shoots. As time went on, I realized I could not take my fiance’ to anything industry related. He was afraid we’d run into someone I had done a scene with. I’ve heard this is a very common thing when a girl with a boyfriend enters the industry, they either break up or he makes her quit.
It went from, "Oh my god, I’m dating a porn star!" (look of joy on his face) to "Oh my god, I’m dating a porn star!" (look of horror on his face). I always stayed professional when I was working, and never went on any lunch dates with scene partners afterwards, but no matter how hard I tried to make the relationship work, he still broke up with me. In four years, he and I had broken up at least two dozen times (for various reasons), so this was nothing new. If he didn’t break up with me over this, he would’ve broken up over something else.
So after a very brief time of freedom (like a month!), I started dating a fellow porn performer, Jeremy Steele. During my brief time of being single, I often said, "I will NEVER fall in love with a porn star!" Which just goes to show you, never say never. Whenever I say "never", that’s when it happens. Now I can’t speak for everyone, but from what I noticed from men in the industry, they stick their hand up your skirt THEN they ask your name. I just figured it was the "porn star handshake" (the male to female one). They’re the horniest type of guy I’ve ever met in my life! Why would I want to date that? I’d constantly be worried if he was cheating on me. I feel in the porn industry, there is a fine line between work and cheating. My theory is everything you do on camera is work, and everything you do off camera is cheating. You know deep down what cheating really is.
So the more time Jeremy and I spent with each other, the more I starting falling for him. Many many of my friends told me it would never work. One friend said that asking a male porn star to be faithful would be like asking him to change his eye color, it’s just who he is. He was out to prove her wrong. Sure, it was a bit rocky at the start, because he was so used to living the single life for a long time. But with every situation came a challenge. If he did something that hurt my feelings, I let him know. I took careful steps in the beginning. I kept saying, "He’s gonna hurt me someday." But I hung in there. It’s been about a year now, and I feel our relationship gets stronger every day. I do keep work as work. I try to stay friendly and professional, and I know where to draw the line, especially when you want to save the "good stuff" for the man who truly deserves it.
So how do you handle a relationship with a porn star? The same as you handle any relationship, with mutual understanding, respect, a pleathora of communication, an obscene amount of trust, but most of all…love. Love really does conquer all.