Going To L.A
By The Colonel
‘Can I have one please?’
I lit up a cigarette and gave it to her. She smiled, put the cigarette between her lips and kept wearing her stockings. Her name was Nikki, she just turned 18 a few months ago, and took the bus from her home somewhere in mid west to Los Angeles to become a porn star. She had no driver license, no bank account and no savings, and at the time I met her she was staying in a motel with her unemployed teenage boyfriend. I asked her why did she get into porn, she said she wants to make good money, become famous and start her own website. I asked how exactly she plans to achieve all that, she said: I work hard and I deserve it. That day I shot her first double penetration scene; three months later, 20 scenes later, Nikki was gone. I never heard from her again.
For those who work in the smut business, this is a very familiar story, names change, faces change, but the story remains the same. For every Jenna Jameson there are ten Nikkis. Few will succeed, many will fail, and hard work and deserves got nothing to do with it. It all depends on chance, unbiased, unprejudiced, unpredictable chance of being at the right place, at the right time and meeting the right person; one in a million chance, speaking of gambling with your life in a Vegas casino. The question is when the stakes are so high, does it worth the effort, risk and sacrifice? I can’t tell you that. read on and draw your own conclusion.
For almost two decades, between the release of Deep Throat and the first installment in John Stagliano’s Buttman series, porn was nonetheless considered taboo, there were not too many women willing to spread their legs for the viewing pleasures of every degenerate masturbating fuck around the globe, and even many of those who did would shy away from certain things: ass fucking? Maybe. Anal gaping? No, thank you. Ass to mouth? Forget about it. Besides, girls had to be relatively pretty and have somewhat of acting abilities, at least to the extent that they could memorize the cheesy dialogue in those infamous pizza delivery scenarios. Hence, the term ‘Porn Star’ had some meaning and relevance, but then people discovered the magic of gonzo: wall to wall fuck scenes shot with shitty hand held cameras, and a market that at the time seemed invincible at swallowing every garbage you feed it with, and needless to say, all leading to an inevitable crash and burn.
The damage gonzo sub-genre did was more devastating than driving the market into the ground, it destroyed porn stardom: everyday came more girls whose asset was not their beauty or talent, but the ability to subject themselves to ridiculous sexual acts like taking two dicks up the ass, vomiting, 50+ guys gang bang, etc. Old fashioned hardcore fucking and eroticism was replaced by deranged, repulsive, circus like sadomachoism, fun and laughter was replaced by shock and awe, and inflicting physical and psychological pain on unsuspecting victims under the pretence of making movies became the new cool trend.
Today, girls push themselves to the point of no return and destroy every bridges in their personal and business lives behind them. They just burn themselves out, too quick, too cheap, and condemn themselves to live a life of physical and psychological agony. They pay a dreadful price for a very short ride. You do triple penetration (two dicks in the pussy, one in the ass), play the human dumpster and let 10+ scumbags cum inside you and drink piss; where would you go after that, how are you going to top that off? What else do you have to give, and what else people want to see? These girls destroy their lives, their career and their bodies and their souls in search for an illusion of fame and fortune, and that’s not exciting, erotic or sexy, that’s a human tragedy. Period. A good performer is the one who can and will draw the line between erotic, nasty sex and harmful, repulsive insanity, and a good performer is the one who lasts in this business, with or without the coincidental opportunity of getting a contract with some phony company and becoming the poster girl in that company’s sex toy ads. To see examples of a good, long lasting performer, look up these names and get a hint: Nina Hartley, Lisa Ann, and Rayveness.
And finally if you want to take the bus to Los Angeles and become the next Jenna Jameson, god speed, but before you buy that bus ticket, do as much research as you can about every aspects of the adult industry and it’s inevitable consequences. Think twice, and remember: it’s your life.
* * * * *
‘You have a new text message.’
It was Krystal, wishing me happy holidays on the last Sunday evening of the year. I haven’t seen her for several weeks, nobody has. She’s been avoiding contact with all friends and colleagues, confining herself to her one bedroom apartment with her pets and rarely going out after an incident on a set which resulted in bodily injury and panic. She left her home and her family to get into porn and take her shot at stardom; two years later, 200+ scenes later, she was a lonely, broken down human being, unable to love or being loved, unable to carry on, and unable to salvage her life. I texted her back and asked when can we see each other. She replied: We will never see each other. Nobody will ever see me again.
She was right. Nobody saw her again. Ever.