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Mark Kernes, born around 1948, joined Paul Fishbein's Adult Video News operation in Philadelphia around 1988 after a varied career that included imprisonment for not paying taxes and serving as a court reporter.

Mark writes in the March 2001 issue of Adult Video News magazine: "On September 20, 1984, I entered Allenwood Federal Prison Camp in north-central Pennsylvania to serve a three-month sentence for "Willful Failure To File Tax Returns.""

Kernes passionately supports the causes of free expression and pornography. In 1999, he became a board member of the porn industry trade group, The Free Speech Coalition.

In January 2001, at the AVN Awards in Las Vegas, Kernes received the "Freedom Isn't Free" Reuben Sturman award.

Mark has long served as AVN's legal affair correspondent.

Bill Margold: Man Of The Century

Gosh, how can ya not love Bill Margold?
Especially when he says s--- like:
"I am no longer involved with the Free Speech Coalition nor do I intend to be again," said porn's most perfect creation here today. "The last two years with Free Speech were like living with a barbed-wire umbilical cord around my neck. It was horribly painful, horribly demeaning. I'm not sure why I put myself through it."
Mark Kernes comments: Bill, of course, was referring to the fact that Free Speech executive director Michelle Freridge gave this marginally-employable old man a job soliciting memberships for the organization from the fan base over which Margold generally claims total dominion — while at the same time warning him that the offhanded insults that so frequently pepper Margold's speech were not the best way to do that, were not professional and that he had to refrain from using them while on duty. THAT's the "barbed-wire umbilical cord."
"They're bringing in one worthless person after another.
"It all culminated with the way I was handled in Las Vegas. I was banned downstairs to my own PAW booth and allowed to come upstairs on the fourth day and run their own booth (and bring in $1600) because they didn't want anything to do with me. They were ashamed of me. I was accused when I got back of not being a hard worker, not being a team player."
Bill? Not a "team player"? However could anyone have possibly come to that conclusion? Anyone, that is, who's spent less than five minutes in his august company. But those of us who, for instance, spent many long hours with him on the Free Speech board of directors can perhaps be forgiven (not by Bill, of course) from coming to a different conclusion.
[snip]
"Of the multidinous platitudes on my tombstone, one of them will be, 'Censored by Free Speech.'"
Luke: "How did they censor you?"
Bill: "By eliminating me. By telling me that I was a threat to Free Speech. For over a decade, I was the heart, soul, brains and conscience of the Free Speech Coalition. I don't think they have any heart, soul, brains or conscience left."
Actually, Bill wanted Free Speech to be his personal fiefdom, since he often claimed that he could get anyone he wanted elected to the board; all he'd have to do is "mobilize his fan base." But in the wake of the Lyon scandal, with several board members expressing their displeasure at Margold's frequent attempts to bully through his agenda — which, of course, changed from minute to minute depending on Bill's moods — and later at his attempts to make life more difficult for interim director Kat Sunlove, who was doing a creditable job under very trying circumstances — Bill took the only honorable course left to him and resigned ... especially since a movement was well under way to force his resignation. While at FSC, Bill reportedly made frequent unprofessional and inappropriate comments to anyone within earshot. Freridge, on the other hand, has turned FSC into a professional organization, with balanced and audited books, a professional and (now that Bill's gone) courteous staff, and a strategic plan for the future — all things to which Old School Bill just couldn't adapt. As for whether Bill was the "heart, soul, brains and conscience" of the organization, perhaps one might ask the various company owners who once sat on the board but who, one by one, either resigned or decided not to stand for reelection because they were tired of having to listen to Margold's onmipresent pettiness and useless diatribes.
"They're just going through the motions of waiting to be accepted to the real world. They'll wake up one morning and find out they are still all alone on the island of X. I was trying to fortify the island of X. They're allowing anybody to climb in there and do anything they want. They survived the first go-round because of 2257, which I believe was collusion between the government and major companies to get rid of smaller companies."
Gosh, is that the same Bill Margold who told the Meese Commission that it should leave the industry alone because it would self-destruct of its own accord anyway? Who refers to porn as "the playpen of the damned"? Great tactic, Bill, not to mention a great soundbite! But I'm confused: Is that position part of your being the "heart", the "soul", the "brains" or the "conscience" of the industry?
"Within the next year, Rob Black will be sacrificed so the Adult industry can survive."
Really? I guess that's why the two attorneys on the Free Speech board have spent hours researching and writing voluminous amicus briefs in support of Black and Extreme, and why Yours Truly, who doesn't even like Rob, has written at least a half-dozen articles on AVN.com and in the magazine analyzing the flaws in the government's case. Could it be because the Free Speech board realizes that if Black and Borden get convicted, it's only a matter of time until the government goes after everyone else?
"There are no more leaders left in this industry. People are interested in only one thing -- raking off the top soil and getting out before the dust blinds them."
Good to know! I'll be sure to tell Eddie Wedelstedt, Steve Hirsch, Steve Orenstein, Phil Harvey, John and Karen Stagliano, Chris Mann, Jeff Stewart, Greg Alves, Chris Alexander, Mike Warner, Susan Colvin, Ron Braverman, and a few others I could name, how unleaderlike they are; they seem to have been left out of the loop on that bit of information!
"I've been in the industry for 34 years. Everything I've predicted has come true. The industry is its own worst enemy."
Mental Note: Add "omniscient" to Bill's resume.
"Max Hardcore is his own worst enemy. He wants to be eliminated under duress. He's a true tragedy waiting to happen."
Max will be glad to know that. Then he can stop spending tens of thousands of dollars on his legal bills — like the time four years ago that he spent a solid week in Los Angeles criminal court defending himself against a bogus 'child porn' rap. Now he can just sit back at Casa Max and wait for them to come and take him away.
"Most of the time I had a good relationship with Max until he suddenly realized I was trying to clean the industry up from within and he doesn't want to be part of the trash thrown out. We've got to censor ourselves from within. It's commonsense censorship. We've got to get rid of stuff that offends society. Eventually society will retaliate against us."
Somehow, I don't think Bill's frequent gusts of hot air translates exactly to "cleaning the industry up from within," but it's helpful to know that, "We've got to censor ourselves from within." That'll save a lot of time. I thought I was going to have to wait for the government to do it from without. And do be sure to let all of us know what "offends society," Bill — besides the First Amendment, that is. And as for "society retaliat[ing] against us," I think some of our performers are freshly enough out of school that they remember why the Boston Tea Party is in all the history books.
"I've always referred to Heidi Pike-Johnson as a female Mark Kernes. I want to get a shot at Mark's grave when he dies so I can piss on it.
Right back atcha, Bill! 'Bill Margold, ladies and gentlemen — one heck of a guy!'
"I made the fatal mistake of giving Mark the Cardinal Medal of Honor [about five years ago at the Legends of Erotica show in Las Vegas]. He had stood up to Bill Lyon and said performers had the right to do what they wanted at the golf course.
"Mark made the mistake of saying that Ray Pistol made me give him the award. Nobody makes me do anything."
I was going to call that Pistol statement a lie (which it is), but that last sentence leads me to think that it may just be part of Bill's ongoing system of self-delusion.
"Mark made the mistake of lying to Cannibal one day that I go out of my way to hurt people. That was the end of him.
What I told Cannibal — a very sweet but (in my estimation) not terribly discerning individual, especially when it comes to role models and/or father figures — was that I'd heard that when an actress came into your office one day complaining about an STD she'd caught on the set, that you told her, "That's what you get when you use your vagina like an ashtray." You've since denied making that statement. Gotta say, I think the jury's still out on that one.
"When Mark was hanging around the Free Speech booth and I said I was going to run the booth, Mark made the fatal mistake of saying he was going to bite his tongue. Mark Kernes at your booth is like having a weather balloon at your booth. He brings nothing."
Hmmm... just for s---s 'n' giggles, as my friend Ellen used to say, let's make a "nothing" list. On the one hand, there's me, who brings legal knowledge garnered from, among other experiences, 19 years as a court reporter, that I can express in lay terms for people who (frankly) are scared to read legalese; the ability to analyze that knowledge in light of the First Amendment, the statements of the Founding Fathers and various Supreme Court and lower court decisions, often consulting with the major First Amendment attorneys around the country to do so; the (admittedly perverse) inclination to do extensive research into the Religious Right's ongoing anti-industry (and generally anti-civil-rights) agenda; the energy to attend and report on federal and state government hearings, conservatives' conferences and Religious Right seminars whose aims are to destroy the adult industry; and the ability to express all of this in a humorous, more-or-less libertarian way so that freedom-loving citizens both inside the industry and out can get a handle on what they're facing.
And on the other hand, we have Bill Margold's 34 years of continual, self-aggrandizing horses---.

From http://www.generossextreme.com/120800.html:

AVN QUOTATION QUIZ

5. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Answer: Mark Kernes caught asleep at the wheel- many times. That's why Kernes is no longer managing editor at AVN.

Gene Ross writes: Howdy Paulie [Fishbein] had made similar mistakes in the past when he had the show's clown character, Clarakernes, report on the hilarious antics of Buffalo Kenny G. Buffalo Kenny G. was pissed off about that and Howdy Paulie, copping ignorance, sold out Clarakernes and the show's Indian character Chief Thunder Ross. Howdy Paulie had even threatened to fire Chief Thunder Ross, even though the story on Buffalo Kenny G. was commissioned by Howdy Paulie himself in front of witnesses.

Bruno writes: "Zupko commented the other day, and I quote: 'I also know FOR A FACT that a certain [AVN] reviewer was bribed with cash, whores, and various other unsundry pleasures as an enticement for a positive review and award eligibility. Now, I can’t say whether these generous acts of carnal and pecuniary charity actually affected or persuaded his final vote, but…hmm…well…you be the judge of that. And I will testify to this under oath as pathetic or melodramatic as that may sound. When I actually saw that these videos were nominated it almost made me s--- my pants and made me realize what a motherf---ing hoax the AVN Awards are.'

"The writer Zupko's talking about was Mark 'Jabba' Kernes, the benign Mark Kernes you referred to the other day. Isn't benign synonymous with tumor? Kernes was 'allegedly' wined and dined by Ray Pistol and supplied with entertainment of the female persuasion - this in exchange for coming out to Vegas, and doing an on-the-set piece and later lauding Goddaughter 5 in a review. Divine Brown winning a Best Screenplay nod? Wasn't that the hooker that sucked off Hugh Grant? And isn't she Ray Pistol's girlfriend? How cozy. And that's not all, Kernes is in deep with Seymore Butts. Why do you think Kernes is so pro-Butts in his write-ups of the Sunshine decision? Talk to Chuck Martino. Seymore has a smooth way of patching up the bodywork in Kernes' dented 401K. You bet. If this is all true, the stench of Mark Kernes' ball cheese is all over Goddaughter 5, a movie that's actually worse than Godfather 3. If that can be believed. By the way, how many nominations did it get?"

Gene [Ross] sez: "Ordinarily I would have taken a pass on this email, but I've heard from at least half a dozen sources that Kernes allegedly got 'entertained' in Vegas. By the way, Bruno, it's Treasure Brown, not Divine Brown. And, yes, before I left AVN I did have a chat with Chuck Martino who had already confirmed what Bruno now writes. I approached Kernes with this and he quickly dismissed it with a look on his face of one smelling bad cheese. But, then, he kind of looks that way all the time, evidence the photo. I believe Goddaughter 5 got nominated for Best Video, Best Director [Bud Lee], Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Group Sex Scene, Best Overall Marketing Campaign and Best Screenplay. That's an awful lot of ineligibility if the allegations against Kernes prove to be true."

Bruno writes GeneRossExtreme.com 1/01: "I see our little hyperventilating friend Mark Kernes is back in the news, this time for spitting at Mike Albo. I wouldn't expect any less than that kind of behavior from Kernes. Maybe you'll believe me when I tell you that Kernes got plied with hookers to come out to Vegas to push Goddaughter 5, especially in light of the fact that there was this party one time that Kernes attended where both Nina Hartley and Ann Malle, in appreciation for all that Kernes has 'done' for the industry, blew him on the floor of the living room with everyone standing around. One thing I have to correct Albo on, though. Kernes will never succumb to cardiac arrest. Just check out the pulse rate for slugs in the actuarial tables."

Gene sez: "I think of Goddaughter 5 as a meatball sandwich with Kernesian ball cheese sprinkled on it for flavoring. By the way, I wonder if that Hartley incident was before or after the fact of Kernes pushing for a Hartley supplement which turned out to be not one of AVN's better business deals."

Did You Know That Mark Kernes Was Jewish?

I never knew that AVN legal affairs correspondent Mark Kernes was Jewish. He's not religious however.

Mark writes in the March, 2001 issue of AVN:

The first major mistake I made was letting one of my fellow tax protesters convince me that I should tell the officials that I was Jewish, and hence ate "kosher," since that was supposed to get you better food. In actuality, that simply limited your selection of edibles and guaranteed that most of it would be tasteless. Not that the other guys ate that much better; the prison grew a lot of its own food, the inmates cooked it, and the steaks from its own slaughtered cattle could never be served in restaurants. The officer that ran the kitchen boasted that he fed each inmate on $2.21 per day. I believe it. The only decent meal I had was Thanksgiving.

The Jewish thing also required me to take three days off from my work assignment during Passover and spend six or so hours a day listening to a band of traveling rabbis. In recollecting that experience, for some reason, thoughts of the proverbial Chinese water torture come to mind.

............

In the summer of 1998, Adult Video News journalist Mark Kernes handed in this essay entitled "Deconstructing Luke." The article was killed (possibly for being unfair). Since the spring of 1997, Kernes has published various articles criticizing me. This is the strongest and most detailed one so far. Kernes handed it around at the 1999 CES where I got my first copy. At the AVN Awards that weekend, I commended Mark for his accuracy. All of his quotes of me in the following are correct, and I can find few factual mistakes in the article. Mark writes:

The usually serene Shyla Foxx was livid. She had a fairly typical complaint.

"For some reason," Foxx told us, "Luke F-rd feels the need to bring hamr and have people stalking me and crank-calling me. He's given out my legal name to several parties and he's creating a lot of problems in my life. I have had people calling me; I have had people trying to find my house in Arizona, and it's just been really crazy, and there's got to be something I can about this to stop this."

But though Foxx and several others have mentioned the possibility of hiring a lawyer and filing suit, the simple fact is that it's unlikely that they'll be unable to do anything about this "journalist" whom many consider to be a blight on the adult industry.

But the fact that Luke F-rd has listed the stage names and real names of nearly 300 current and past XXX performers, producers and directors is only the tip of the iceberg. In his almost daily postings on his website and on the rec.arts.movies.erotica (RAME) Internet newsgroup, Ford serves up a plate of misinformation, innuendo and unfounded accusations (often couched in the form of rhetorical questions) to rival the front page of any supermarket tabloid - and the uninformed porn fans that make up the majority of r.a.m.e. readers and contributors lap the stuff up and clamor fo rmore.

Take, for instance, his 1997 "porn stars aka call girls" story:

"It seems that various porn stars are doing escort work in New York City," the post read.

"According to reports, Missy and Madelyn Knight charge $850 per hour.

"Other girls include Jill Kelly and Janine Lindemulder, which surprised me.

"Other porn stars who've been open about their escort work include Nici Sterling, XXX, Alicia Rio, Rebecca Lord, and Kobe Tai, recently divorced from Marc Davis. I remember asking Davis about six months ago about reports regarding Kobe's escort work. They were still married at the time. He seemed genuinely surprised."

He wasn't the only one.

"First of all, he doesn't know his subject very well because he said this thing about a couple of girls - me, Janine and Jill Kelly," responded Vivid contract player Tai. "All of these girls are very good friends of mine, and none of us are call girls, nor do we go to New York to do anything like that. First of all, I think all of us are well-to-do in our business; why would we have to venture off into something else - and supposedly we do these things for $850 or whatever? We make so much more money otherwise, with dancing and these movies and whatever - I can't see us demoting ourselves like that. And as for myself and my husband, Mark Davis, we had our one-year wedding anniversary on November 16 [1997] and we're so happily married, we're looking to buy a house. We've never been separated, never been divorced and never thought of it."

"I am so offended by that [posting]," echoed Madelyn Knight. "At least I would want to get $20,000 or $30,000 for the night. I think, for one thing, most people know I'm mostly into S/M; I'm not into straight sex."

Janine was even more blunt: "It's absolutely absurd. That comment is so funny, I don't even know how to - I don't put down [prostitutes]. If they're into that, that's cool. If I was, I'd say I was, but I'm not, and it's goofy that he would even say that."

But the idea that Vivid contract girls and other A-list actresses in the adult video business would go to New York City and turn tricks in their off hours is just another in a long series of "reports" Ford claims he gets from a variety of unnamed "sources" who supposedly feed him "inside information" about the porn industry. And like any poor journalist, Ford hides behind those "sources" nearly every time a more knowledgeable reader catches him in one of his myriad "mistakes."

One set of "sources" from which he quotes freely is the FBI and other police agencies.

"The Los Angeles Times Magazine," read one post earlier this year, "ran a long article on porn in the 2/17/91 issue which said this:

"'According to two separate, well-regarded law enforcement sources, the father of a man who operates a Los Angeles-based porn company now serves as the mob's West Coast link to the industry. The man's father, these investigators say, reports to John Gotti, the swashbuckling, alleged New York crime boss.'

"Who are they referring to?" Ford added, though it's by no means clear that he's stopped quoting from the Times article. "Natale Richichi and his son Salvatore? Does Salvatore own a porn company? Surely not to Fred Hirsch's son Steve who owns Vivid Video?"

Note the veiled slur against both Hirsches, couched in the form of a question so as to avoid a libel action, and the attempted link-by-proximity to alleged organized crime figures. This is a typical Ford tactic. For instance, after faxing a "news tip" to the L.A. Times that former actress Selena Steele was HIV positive (she isn't) and that she was "paid to leave the industry quietly as was Barbara Doll" (she wasn't, nor was Doll), he refers to VCA owner Russ Hampshire as "the type of guy who'd pay people off." This drew a blistering retort from Hampshire, to which Ford responded with a vague apology - and a series of questions implying that Hampshire was involved in or had knowledge of organized crime!

In fact, the concept of organized crime involvement in the modern-day porn industry is a central theme in Ford's writings. Ford has apparently gleaned much of this "information" from FBI reports. However, perhaps because Ford is a native Australian, he seems unaware of a fact of American life that any left-winger or counter-culture activist who lived through the '50s, '60s or '70s takes a gospel: That the FBI and other government entities were willing to believe - and commit to their files - anything detrimental that was said about people and organizations which the agencies considered "un-American," usually in an attempt to smear them in the media. Porn - magazines, loops and videos - certainly filled that bill. Ford, through his apparent unfamiliarity with this reality, merely carries forward a torch that many thought had died with J. Edgar Hoover.

Or does Ford's problem go deeper than that? Ford has often mentioned the conflict he feels between his religious beliefs and his self-confessed obsession with porn. On a page of his website where he discusses his "excommunication" from his adopted religion, Ford writes "I met a Jew who was a pornographer. I met a Jew who hated pornography. I met a Jew who exposed the real names of porn stars. I met a Jew who studied Talmud for hours every day in yeshiva and wanted to become a rabbi. I met a Jew whose father is a Christian evangelist. I met the enemy and he is me."

On Ed Powers radio show on July 19 [1998], when this particular quote was brought up, Ford did not deny that he was referring to himself.

It's therefore hardly surprising that this son of a Christian evangelist who has attempted to become an orthodox Jew (the most canonical of the religion's three recognized forms) has had trouble reconciling his religious beliefs with what he describes as his "writ[ings] about my dirty little subject." What is surprising is that anyone takes such writings seriously.

Unfortunately, too many do. But what is perhaps even more unfortunate is the number of industry members who continue to believe that it's possible to "set Ford straight" on issues and facts involving themselves and the industry.

For example, Ford wrote that in her days as publisher of High Society, Gloria Leonard's position was "largely ceremonial" and only a front for "publicity shy" owner Carl Ruderman. When Leonard was apprised of Ford's assertions, she phoned him to discuss his errors. Ford then posted what appears to be a transcript of the call, but apparently still couldn't resist getting in another dig: "Leonard [...] symbolized to me the wicked woman. I was not thrilled, however, by the magazine's decision to so prominently highlight the naked body of a woman moving through middle age. I shot my loads to the younger models."

However, it's conceivable that Ford's postings of so many erroneous claims about people in the industry is simply a ruse to get them to talk to him.

Or perhaps they're simply part of a Ford philosophy revealed in yet another post.

"I admit that I look FOR negative things in what ever [sic] I'm covering," he wrote. "I've got the reporter's instinct to look for news and it's not always balanced. The overwhelming majority of what I post is going to come across as anti-porn... Rather, I'm going to take every criticism and canard [Webster: "an absurd or exxagerated report spread as a hoax, false statement or rumor"] against porn and post most of them... I think out loud through these postings... It's a personality quirk... I'm afraid I like to play devil's advocate, or I like to provoke or argue or something like that..."

Surely, that must be the reason for Ford's writing, elsewhere, that, "Without evidence to the contrary, every person who worked in the entertainment industry - X-rated and mainstream - during the 1970s and early '80s should be assumed to have extensively used drugs."

Or, "I am curious if self-hatred and cat fights are inherent to porn, or just to porn in America? I truly don't know."

Or, "I am one person on this group who thinks censorship is sometimes good. And frankly, I would not give my life for people to have the right to watch X-rated videos, nor do I think America would be a worse place if that was against the law. Maybe."

Or, "Porn is in the business of degrading women. And men. Users, producers and consumers. It is a degrading industry. Nowt here are degrees of degredation [sic], but to take off your clothes and f--- on camera, that is degrading."

Or. "Please ID the picture on top of page 129 of hte 3-98 AVN. Is that Taylor Wane? [...] Is that gaunt haggard look the result of drugs?"

Or, "I remember several leading porn actresses telling me they did porn to 'educate society and open up its views of human sexuality.' I think that is ludicrous [...] Generally speaking, the people in porn do not seem emotionally strong, balanced and thoughtful."

Or, "I stood in Soldano's new editing bay watching Don Fernando fornicate with Lennox, who was drunk in the scene, like she usually is when she performs sex on camera."

Or, "Ken Guarino, who dined with John Gotti in 1992..."

Or, "Porn is an industry of outlaws, gangsters, pimps, actors and hookers."

This is a person that some people in the adult video industry believe it's safe to share their opinions with, and to trust to report events in the industry accurately?

Ford also seems to have no problem dredging up 11-year old newspaper articles in an apparent attempt to smear the subject(s) thereof. For instance, he quotes from the March 10, 1987 Los Angeles Times, which reported that agent Reb Sawitz and others allegedly used a 16-year old girl to perform sex on film. Sawitz told Ford the girl was actually 23, adn taht a judge had dismissed the case entirely. But Ford continued to press the point, citing the usual unnamed sources, oblivious of hte concept that a judge does not, even in 1987, simply dismiss pandering, statutory rape and sexual abuse charges unless the case is obvously fraudulent.

(It also seems like gilding the lilly to mention that Ford frequently quotes entire articles verbatim from newspapers and magazines across the country, as well as AVN itself, certainly without permission from AVN and possibly without permission from any of the other sources. Ford has infringed AVN's copyright several times, and has possibly done so dozens more with newspapers and magazines both in and out of the adult industry.)

But if Ford's misunderstandings of the adult industry are bizarre, so too are his attitudes about sex itself:

"Sex is usually not a very loving act. Intercourse largely revolves around friction, which inherently contains some element of violence."

And, "I think there is an element of degradation in cum shots. I think that is impossible to deny. I find it amusing the way that we all try to rationalize stuff. Some female performers seem to genuinely believe that guys think its loving or just looks great... But facials have far deeper, nastier overtones...ones that pass many porn girls by."

And there was the time he was told to leave a party thrown by Miss Sharon Mitchell, after Ford attempted, according to Mitchell and at least one other witness, to have sex with a nearly unconscious woman on Mitchell's own bed. He was also ejected froma training session for PAW hotline staffers at the offices of Dr. Diane Kelley, after those in attendance objected to both Ford's presence and his smary manner.

And then there's the HIV thing.

Ford has enjoyed some fleeting moments of fame due to the mistaken impression that it was he who first "reported" on Marc Wallice being HIV+. What Ford and his supporters have conveniently forgotten is that Ford retracted his earlier accusation, apologized to Wallice and even suggested, apparently seriously, that Wallice sue him for defamation. If Ford had had actual evidence of Wallice's infection, why would he apologize? The fact that Wallice eventually did turn up positive is irrelevant.

But there seems to be no bad situation Ford can't make worse.

"Did the readers of rame, thanks to its sources, find out about Marc Wallice being HIV positive before PAW and FSC?" Ford asked in a post. "Is it entirely possible that PAW/FSC and Jim South would have allowed him to continue to work without the pressure of the reports on RAME?"

Yes, it's that old rhetorical question at work again. Ford apparently can see some logic in a scenario where industry leaders would actually cover up up the existence of an HIV+ performer so it could...what? Allow that person to infect yet more women and cause still greater scandal to attend the industry while simultaneously driving more good actresses out of the business through fear of more HIV infection???

So, it seems only a matter of time before Ford gets sued for writing tripe like, "An expert corporate shell shuffler, Guarino, like Sturman, Mohney and Milton Luros, spends his considerable talents creating dummy corporations and business spider webs to launder mob money, avoid taxes and set up large offshore savings accounts."

Or Ford's conversation with Starworld honcho Rob Spallone, reported in the summer of '98:

Luke: "Has David Sturman ever threatened to break your legs?"

Rob: "David Sturman [Reuben's son, an ex-junkie married to a Catholic woman, several kids] is a businessman. A very nice guy."

Leaving aside the questionable technique of inserting a defamatory phrase into a response that was in fact complimentary, perhaps, since Ford referred to the younger Sturman as "Reuben's junkie son," as recently as January 12, 1998, he can explain just when David Sturman took the cure and where?

Ford brags that he has a contract with Prometheus to publish his book on porn, possibly containing some or all of the misinformation and slanders mentioned above. Perhaps Prometheus is due for a complimentary copy of this article...

...........................................................

Luke responds:

1) Regarding the use of real names. I feel ambivalent on this issue. I would suggest, however, that all those who put a premium on privacy, that they not perform sex on camera, strip in clubs and otherwise seek publicity.

2) Regarding Shyla Foxx. She said 2/8/99 on Entertainment Tonight that she wanted to become a judge. For folks like Shyla who seek the limelight, they better get used to having the public know their real name. Shyla's real name, Anutz Herling, was widely published long before I mentioned it.

See, for instance, page 53 of the 1997 book Hollywood Blue: The Tinseltown Pornographers by Harris Gaffin, published by Batsford:

"My name is Shayla Foxxx [this stage name has been spelled various ways],' she says. "I was born 'Anutz Herling.' I am an adult entertainer and very good at it. I had a killer body at 13 and after that it all went downhill."

When I learned how upset Ms. Herling was that I mentioned her real name on my site, I told her that I would remove it. I spent about 40 minutes on the phone in the Spring of 1998 going over my biography of her. I even took down several sentences that were true, but that she and her husband found hurtful.

Soon after Ms. Herling stopped returning my phone calls. Then I received a lawsuit threat from her which mentioned prominently her real name. I then published the threat on my site and returned her real name to the article.

3. Luke's factual mistakes: I've made many. I feel ashamed of ever writing that Marc Davis and Kobe Tai had divorced. It was stupid and wrong of me. I heard it from a usually reliable source and ineptly slipped the bad information into a usenet post. I never published it on my site.

I've published hundreds of posts to usenet, occupying thousands of pages as well as publishing thousands of pages on my web site. I have a different task that Mark Kernes and those who write for a monthly publication. I typically write more in a week than Kernes will in a year. I cover breaking news. I don't have the luxury of weeks to prepare an article.

I often write half-a-story. Like the one on porn star escorts which is a difficult subject to begin with as many of the porn girls who do escort, will deny it when asked by a reporter.

On the particular post that Kernes quotes, I ran with half a story - that at least one escort agency in New York listed various Vivid girls and other porn stars as available for escort work. What I missed, and did not realize at the time, was that escort agencies like www.nicisgirls.com routinely lie about the girls they have available for hooking. And many porn stars actively cooperate in such deceptions in exchange for hits to their web site.

For the record, I do not believe that Janine, Missy, Jill Kelly or Kobe Tai do escort work. But as of 2/15/99, Missy and Kobe Tai were listed as available for escort work at www.nicisgirls.com.

From my 2/12/99 update: Luke wrote to Don Osterholt, "The web site www.nicisgirls.com lists your wife Tabitha Stevens as an escort. Is this true?"

Don replies: "Luke my friend, let me give you a little internet education. As you know I run my wife's official web site at www.tabithastevens.com. "Her site has been very successful even though it has only been up a few months. One of the reasons for its success is that we have managed to drive a fair amount of traffic to the site. Traffic converts to paying members so we are always trying to think of the most creative ways to get guys to visit her site. If you look closely at the nici's girls site you will see a banner on the page that has tabitha pictures, that banner links directly to tabitha's official web site. "Escort sites as very busy sites and it is very easy to get traffic Reddirected from an escort site to a commercial web site. That is the sole purpose of the pictures you see on the nici's girls web site. I know its a cheap ploy buy it works. In fact, we use this tactic successfully for a couple of our web site clients like Missy, Nici Sterling and Melanie Stone. "If you are looking for the inside scoop on escorts, nici's girls is probably not your best choice. Most of the girls on the site do not escort but buy banner advertising space to direct traffic to their personal web sites."

Mickey G., husband of Wicked contract girl Missy: "I noticed Missy's name on the list of prostitutes [at www.nicisgirls.com] This is not true. Missy has done some Girl-Girl Shows for Parties with Nici over a year ago now.

Missy & I have our hands full with work at "Wicked Pictures". We are also working hard on her own site www.missyweb.com. Missy has enjoyed performing at a few private parties with a few of the XXX stars Butt has NEVER been paid or accepted offers to be Paid for Sex through any service or anyone. "The picture on Nici's Girl's site was taken off her website without permission. When this was brought to our attention the other day, we called and "Nici" without any hassle said she would remove it. We were thinking it may be a good link for traffic since you've brought it to the limelight recently but it is not the image we care to represent. Truthfully we have been approached on the subject of "Sex for hire" for substantial amounts of money but were not even tempted as we have had much success just working in Film and video for a more than comfortable income. Our free time together is precious, we would not sell it to anyone for any price."

Luke: A 2/12/99 check of www.nicisgirls.com shows that Missy's picture is still up along with information how to book her sexual services.

Email: "Contrary to Don Osterholt's statement, "If you look closely at the nici's girls site you will see a banner on the page that has tabitha pictures, that banner links directly to tabitha's official web site," when I went to Nici's Girls and clicked on Tabitha's picture, all I got was some horrible introduction to her and encouragement to call to make a reservation. Sorry, Don, but there's no banners here. For all intents and purposes, looks like the only way Don or Tabitha are making any money off this site is if she's acting as an escort."

4. About Luke's faxed news tip to the LA Times 4/97: I sent this after RAME posts that Selena Steele and Jordan McKnight had tested HIV positive. The Selena Steele information was retracted by its source after I had sent the fax to the LA Times. I suggested to the Times that they dig into this HIV story. Was it possible that at least some of those testing HIV were being bought off to keep quiet? I did not publish my fax. That was only a tip to the Times to further investigate.

5. Organized crime: Law enforcement held through the 1980s that the Mafia played a significant role in the porn industry. For evidence, see my entries on Mafia, Ken Guarino, Reuben Sturman, David Sturman, Harry Mohney.

6. Luke was never an "Orthodox" Jew. He's always participated across the denominational lines of Judaism. Luke was never "excommunicated" from from Judaism. One favorite Orthodox synagogue of Luke's did ask 4/98 that he not come back as long as he had anything to do with the porn industry.

7. Luke thrown out of Sharon Mitchell's party (Easter Sunday, 1997) after attempting sex with an unconscious woman on Mitchell's bed: The woman I was attempting sex with was very conscious though there was a sleeping woman beside us, and perhaps our limbs did become entangled a time or two.

8. Marc Wallice. My outing of Wallice did force him to take a proper PCR DNA test which revealed that he was indeed HIV positive. A few days after my initial report on this, I was flooded by denials from folks in the industry in a position to know. I particularly remember an email I received at this time from Mark Kernes who wrote in reaction to my initial report claiming Wallice was HIV positive. "This is bulls---. If Wallice were HIV+, we here at AVN would know..."

After this flood of denials, I did make a retraction, which was cancelled a few days later when Wallice's positive result became public.

9. Luke would not be surprised if varous pornographers knowingly used HIV positive performers if they thought they could get away with it. Luke does not have an elevated view of the morality of many porners.

A porn scribe:

Just read Kernes rantings, among others, and was moved to hysterical laughter. Kernes is a nice guy, but doesn't want to see the forest for the trees. In re: the Marc Wallice HIV scoop...why would AVN know? How arrogant.

Cover ups? Of course. I agree with you about the level of morality of many porners. If they think they can get away with something, they will. Not really out of malice, mind you...just ignorance. When the first HIV scare happened around '92, you should have heard the "major players" of the industry all trying to convince the talent pool that "we don't really know anything about this AIDS thing, and how it's transmitted". Meanwhile, Dr. Chris from the World Health Organization's task force on AIDS/HIV was trying to TELL them what was what.

Even scarier was a fairly recent occurrence in a closed door meeting only last year at Sin City. In attendance: David Sturman, Roy Karch, David Christopher, Lassie Braun, Kris Kramski, Jim DiGiorgio, Johnny Toxic (and his side-kick lawyer kid), Mark Snyder, Steve Karmelin (then GM of Sin City), and myself. We were there to discuss the HIV situation (you had just broken the MW story and the s--- was hitting the fan industry-wide). Lassie Braun and Kris Kramski actually had the balls to say that "we don't know how aids is actually transmitted" therefore condoms are not needed! Give me a break! Ignorance is only bliss when you are not the one who's proverbial neck is on the line.

As for Kernes and others "outraged" reaction to allegations of escort work: give me a f---ing break! Having sex for money IS prostitution, right? Well, then we are all participants in the only legal form of prostitution in the state. Whether it's f---ing for money ON camera or off, it's still f---ing for money. That makes all of us pimps, prostitutes and johns, does it not? Kernes, and others would like to whitewash this industry to the extent that they can justify their own feelings of insecurities and guilt about what we do.

We, as pornographers are not saving the world, nor are we, quite frankly, educating anyone in the arena of "better" or more kindly sex. If anything, given the "on the edge" trend of top selling vids like Rob Black and others, I'd say we, as an industry are doing just the opposite. We're showing the new generation how to further degrade women, men, and human sexuality in general. As for your comment on facials: you hit it right on the head, Luke. The fact that it is a very primal statement of "f--- you, whore" cannot be dealt with by many. Facts are facts. Some women claim to like it...I even know a few personally, however, those are the exceptions, and from a psychological standpoint, my guess is that they have "grown to like it" such that they might reclaim their dignity...i.e. the Gay community trying to "reclaim" derogatory names such as "Dyke", "Faggot", etc., or African Americans saying that by "reclaiming" the word "nigger" they are somehow healing wounds of the past. Personally, I don't think so. I think it's just the only way they can justify and tolerate an intolerable situation.

The human race is made up of animals. We are all primal animals, and "civilization" is merely an attempt to keep us placated and in the zoo. Luke, I know that many people discount your recorded struggles between Judaism and porn, as being insignificant, or basically tell you to "get over it". These cretins are merely unwilling to delve into their subconscious to look at their own struggles with the very same issues. (Not necessarily with Judaism, but their own morality). Plato's writings on the duality of man, and his eternal struggle between carnality and spirituality are as valid today as when they were written...it's just that technology has sped up the access, and all but stifled the truly questioning mind which simply MUST ask the difficult questions...not just of others but of himself.

You are on a quest. A quest for ultimate truth...for yourself. It is a journey that all who have really great minds--and SOULS--must take. It requires exposure and immersion in great extremes. Usually those which appear to be diametrically opposed. Others may see this as paradox, when in fact it is the farthest thing from that. Things which seem in exact opposition MUST coexist simultaneously and in equal proportions. One cannot exist with out the other. There is no concept for down unless you have up, right if there is no left, etc. There will always be found in nature a balance. It may seem harsh to our sense of "fairness", but fair is a value judgement based on one side getting what it wants at the expense of the other.

6/27/01

Mark "Mister 3-D" Kernes

Director James DiGiorgio writes: Lukey, I feel so powerful right now, so influential, I'm like a one-man, porn version of E.F. Hutton. All I did was make a few silly comments about Mark Kernes and that little Dino geek and their "personal gratification" hobby with the 3-D pics and bada bing bada boom, AVN's put up a site to host Kernes' 3-D pics! It's all there over at Tod (one-D) Hunter's site. Course, my comments were given zero f---ing recognition, and I'm sure they're gonna say they had this in the works long before I said anything about it, but alas, such is the life of the true renaissance man: no gratitude and no respect! Humbly, JimmyD.

MarkKernes@avn.com writes Tod-Hunter.com: I'm really excited about this, more than I thought I'd be when I proposed this concept some months ago and due to being too busy, and the job being fairly complicated, never followed through on it: AVN.com has now created a Web page on which I'll be posting some of the 3D pictures I take on the sets of adult video productions, together with instructions on how to view them. Just read the instructions, click on one of the thumbnails, and a new window with the stereo pair will pop up on your browser, so you can view the picture and easily refer back to the instructions if you need to.

We're trying to keep it simple to begin with; just some nude shots of some very beautiful women... but consider this a taste of MUCH more to come. (For instance, another gallery with shots from Quasarman's new production, Black Widow, from Metro, should be up Friday, or Monday at the latest.)

Kenya writes: I love those Mark Kernes 3-D pics.

James DiGiorgio tells Luke: "That announcement without a doubt was in response to my note on your web site. And I don't hear anything from them about planning it forever and they had to develop a site because they haven't developed s---. It's one page. They put it together in a day.

"I'm a funny guy. I was gonna write Dino Gook but then I wrote "Dino geek" instead."

Luke: "The Jews of Los Angeles have caught on to me."

Jim: "They're investigating you. They're going to send the Mossad to your door. Are you in big trouble?"

Luke: "Yes."

Jim: "Can they extradite you to Israel to face the charges? Could you be banned from every Jew church in Hollywood? In the world?"

Luke: "Could be."

Jim: "If you were a real Jew, they wouldn't turn on you like this. Who's the driving force behind this pogrom? Have you told these people that you have friends. 'Hey rabbi, I just want to tell you this in the nicest way possible. But I've got friends, you know.' You've got to tell him that."

Luke: "Perhaps you and Rob Spallone should pay the rabbi a visit. And speak on my behalf. Make him a deal he can't refuse."

Jim: "Does each Jew church have a board of directors? A bunch of guys sit around the table and tell the rabbi what he's gotta do."

Luke: "There are two typical operating procedures for synagogues. They are either run by a board of directors or by a rabbi. My ex-rabbi runs the shul."

Jim: "Is there a bishop or someone who can tell him what to do?"

Luke: "No, rabbis like him are independent. They have their own fiefdoms where their word is absolute."

Jim: "You should start praising Louis Farrakhan on your site. They hate Farrakhan. This is wrong what they're doing. They couldn't just leave it alone. Nobody at your Jew church had said anything. You never said anything. This is wrong. Now they have to kick you while you're down. How long will it be before you're going, 'f---ing Jew bastards.' How long? Two weeks?"

Luke: "Never. I don't use such language. I'm too Christian."

Jim: "You'll be thinking it."

Luke: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."

Jim: "Oh, you're Jesus Christ now?

"You have smart Jews on your site. Get them to write your rabbi."

Luke: "I will. Good idea."

Jim: "You're going to make a big deal about this, huh? You're gonna be big news in the world of Jews. It will be in all the Jew papers. Some Hollywood Jews will make a movie about you.

"Let me tell you something. This is against the American way. This is unconstituational. They're being Nazis. Whose your rabbi? Rabbi Himmler? Let me tell you something. You were twice the Jew any of those Jews were being. You were going every day. You prayed all the time. How many Jews can claim that? This is like going after Mother Theresa."

Luke: "I see the similarities."

Jim: "Oh well Lukey. We all, well I guess Jews don't, have our crosses to bear. They have Star of Davids to bear. Anyway, this controversy will rocket us to our nationally syndicated radio show."

Luke: "Enough about me. What's going on with you?"

Jim: "I shot at the beach yesterday. I didn't get arrested. That was nice. Because we were right there on the Ventura beach. No permit. Nothing. We couldn't get a permit even if we wanted to. The Coast Guard buzzed us three times with a helicopter. Some people came by several times. We had to stop, put clothes back on, wait.

"I've got tons of stuff to edit. I turned in Succubus. I'm editing this movie "Agency." And "Soporno 3." I'm cutting a bondage flick for Avalon. I'm a busy guy."

Luke: "When will you find out if you passed VCA's Quality Control (QC) with Succubus?"

Jim: "They just bought a brand new Avid at VCA. They want me to bring in my harddrive. And people need training over there. And they want me to my output on their AVID with my harddrive. I turned in the BETA copy already. I'm not worried. I've got a great QC record.

"I love this thing with Kernes. They had to be responding to that comment. It made him look like he was going home and jerking off with his 3-D pics."

Luke: "That's what all porn journalists do. We just put up web sites and write magazine articles as a front for masturbation."

Jim: "The key word was 'personal gratification.' Does Tod Hunter own a piece of The Tera Show. Look at the coverage they get every f---ing Wednesday. The whole site is practically dedicated to what happened at the Tera Show the night before."

Tod-Hunter.com writes: "Michael Raven shows off his T-shirt and says he's a recovering Christian. Tera [Patrick] says she loves TBN, the cable TV channel that's a nonstop prayer meeting. "Call for a prayer if you're having a bad day. I have.""

Luke to Jim: "I spoke to Bud Lee last week. He's a real director."

Jim: "I get confused with him sometimes. When my hair was long, people would walk up to me and go, 'Aren't you Bud Lee?' He did allow that he'd had a couple of girls walk up to him and ask him if he was Jim DiGiorgio. But he just sorta copped to it. I had to push him. He liked it better when they were asking me if I was Bud Lee. He didn't want to own up to the fact that maybe somebody knew me who didn't know him."

Luke: "He's thinking of starting porn stars anonymous."

Jim: "What happened to Director Thomas Paine? Did he explode? Have you heard of a Thomas Payne anything in how long?

"Rob and I might go to Vegas Thursday for the Internext show. Rob should be home Friday afternoon because he observes the Sabbath. I'll be home Sunday for church in time. I'm a Baptist now."

Ken Wood writes: Kernes Kernes Kernes, when will you get it? You're doing all this s--- (like the pictures) which will make AVN (read: Paul Fishbein and Darren 'One teaspoon of bull semen is worth more than what's in his head' Roberts) more money, and are you seeing any of it? Did you know that just one banner on the AVN.com website costs over $10,000 a month? Just one. How much is YOUR paycheck? And you've been there for what? Over a decade? Pitying you, Ken Wood

Mark Kernes writes on his web site: "Make sure your eyes are about one - two feet from your computer screen and level with the photos. "Defocus" your eyes in a manner similar to day-dreaming. After a very short time you will begin to see "double" images. If you concentrate (but not "focus") on the overlapping images in the center of your view, you should be able to get them to merge into a single 3D image. Remember those computer-generated designs that, after you stared at them for a while, the image of some familiar object like a sailboat or teddy bear would form? It’s like that. When that happens, you can focus your eyes to see the 3D image clearly. (At this point, everything around the image will be out of focus!) If you have trouble, try picking out a specific object common to both photos - a person’s face, or a piece of furniture - and attempt to merge those first; when successful, the whole picture will look 3D."

James DiGiorgio calls Luke: "The paramedics have just left my office... They put a big bandage on my head. I think I've got a concussion.

"I went over to look at Mark Kernes pictures. And it says you have to defocus your eyes in a manner similar to daydreaming. And you'll start to see double images. I started seeing doubled images everywhere. I got up and tripped over a double image of something on the floor and I hit my head twice against a doubled image of two file cabinets. I'm getting a lawyer. As I'm one of the few people on the planet who recognizes you as a Jew, can you recommend a good lawyer to me?

"The next time Mark Kernes tells me to defocus my eyes in the manner of daydreaming until I see double images, I'm going to shooot him. A lot of other people might have problems too. This could be a big liability for AVN. Lots of people could be falling all over and hurting themselves. You don't tell people to defocus their eyes until they see double images and then expect them to function. What about people who operate dangerous equipment?"

Gregory Bowman writes: Instructions on viewing Mark Kernes 3-D pictures:

Make sure your eyes are about one - two feet from your computer screen and level with the photos. "Defocus" your eyes in a manner similar to day-dreaming. After a very short time you will begin to see "double" images. If you concentrate (but not "focus") on the overlapping images in the center of your view, you should be able to get them to merge into a single 3D image.

I was wondering if I should be eating Krispy Kreme donuts while standing on my head? Do I need suspenders to properly view them? Should I wear a chicken suit and flail around while not focusing on the pictures? Long ago I was told if I masturbated I would go blind. Mark Kernes images and instructions on viewing have proven this may very well be a fact.

Jason Stoner writes: Luke, Great stuff on your site today! JimmyD does it again. He said, "They're investigating you. They're going to send the Mossad to your door." He's right. What's gonna happen is them Israelis are gonna kidnap you like Eichman and take you back to Jerusalem for a show trial! Watch out!

And I plan to join JimmyD's lawsuit against AVN. I tried looking at those stupid 3D pix following the instructions. Now I've got a headache and feel nauseated! They've given me permanent vertigo! I'll have to smoke some BC medicinal marijuana to recover and AVN is gonna pay for it.

Dino, Mark Kernes Seek Personal Gratification In Their Work

Director James DiGiorgio writes Monday: lukey...i just checked out the pics from that naked hollywood thing and guess what, that dino guy is the same guy the the freakin prick who threw us off his boat last week tossed onto the back platform of the boat when we were like twelve miles out. anyway, that's not what i'm writing for. i think there's more than meets the eye with this dino guy and kernes. why, you say? cuz they both have those cameras that shoot the 3-D stuff. now bear in mind you cant do anything with that 3-D stuff but look at it thru this 3-D viewer thing. so these guys are going onto sets and half the shots they're taking are just for personal gratification cuz that all ya can do with that 3-D crap. personal gratification, luke....we're all workin hard and they're just using there press credentials to get some personal gratification s--- (i.e, jerkin-off material). it dont seem right.

AVN journalist Mark Kernes writes Luke: Since I don't have e-mail addresses for DiGiorgio or "Wood", I trust you'll somehow convey these sentiments:

"James DiGiorgio tells Luke: "That announcement without a doubt was in response to my note on your web site. And I don't hear anything from them about planning it forever and they had to develop a site because they haven't developed s---. It's one page. They put it together in a day.""

I spoke to Juliet Lowry, then in charge of the fledgling avn.com, more than two years ago about doing a stereo (3D) page on the site. At the time, server space was precious, so they had to "consider" it. It's my fault for not following up on that, but at the time, avn.com was housed in another building than the magazine, and frankly, it wasn't uppermost in my mind. Then, about two weeks ago, someone -- I think it was Mike Ramone -- said that AVN would start adding more Web pictures to its On The Set pieces, and I opined that the viewers might like to see those pictures in 3D, since that's exclusively what I shoot these days. From that came the current page, and many more to follow. Sorry, Charlie; synchronicity doesn't get you a guest spot on Art Bell.

"Ken Wood writes: Kernes Kernes Kernes, when will you get it? You're doing all this s--- (like the pictures) which will make AVN (read: Paul Fishbein and Darren 'One teaspoon of bull semen is worth more than what's in his head' Roberts) more money, and are you seeing any of it? Did you know that just one banner on the AVN.com website costs over $10,000 a month? Just one. How much is YOUR paycheck? And you've been there for what? Over a decade? Pitying you, Ken Wood."

Michael, you're just about the LAST person from whom I'd take advice about where my loyalties do or should lie.

Ken Wood aka Michael replies: My feelings are scarcely hurt Mark, as I was not proffering advice. I was merely pointing out some basic facts which would, to someone possessing the slightest hint of dignity or self-respect, provoke a desire to receive what one rightfully deserves. Your "loyalty" to things like the Free Speech Coalition is commendable. But don't confuse Paul Fishbein with a worthy cause or lifelong friend. He's your employer. And let's be honest with each other (or at least be honest with yourself); how often does your liege lord even bother talking to you? And you're now the most valuable editor at AVN. That's lamentable. And that's all I meant.

Director James DiGiorgio writes: Lukey, I feel so powerful right now, so influential, I'm like a one-man, porn version of E.F. Hutton. All I did was make a few silly comments about Mark Kernes and that little Dino geek and their "personal gratification" hobby with the 3-D pics and bada bing bada boom, AVN's put up a site to host Kernes' 3-D pics! It's all there over at Tod (one-D) Hunter's site. Course, my comments were given zero f---ing recognition, and I'm sure they're gonna say they had this in the works long before I said anything about it, but alas, such is the life of the true renaissance man: no gratitude and no respect! Humbly, JimmyD.

MarkKernes@avn.com writes Tod-Hunter.com: I'm really excited about this, more than I thought I'd be when I proposed this concept some months ago and due to being too busy, and the job being fairly complicated, never followed through on it: AVN.com has now created a Web page on which I'll be posting some of the 3D pictures I take on the sets of adult video productions, together with instructions on how to view them. Just read the instructions, click on one of the thumbnails, and a new window with the stereo pair will pop up on your browser, so you can view the picture and easily refer back to the instructions if you need to.

We're trying to keep it simple to begin with; just some nude shots of some very beautiful women... but consider this a taste of MUCH more to come. (For instance, another gallery with shots from Quasarman's new production, Black Widow, from Metro, should be up Friday, or Monday at the latest.)

Kenya writes: I love those Mark Kernes 3-D pics.

James DiGiorgio tells Luke: "That announcement without a doubt was in response to my note on your web site. And I don't hear anything from them about planning it forever and they had to develop a site because they haven't developed s---. It's one page. They put it together in a day.

"I'm a funny guy. I was gonna write Dino Gook but then I wrote "Dino geek" instead."

Ken Wood writes: Kernes Kernes Kernes, when will you get it? You're doing all this s--- (like the pictures) which will make AVN (read: Paul Fishbein and Darren 'One teaspoon of bull semen is worth more than what's in his head' Roberts) more money, and are you seeing any of it? Did you know that just one banner on the AVN.com website costs over $10,000 a month? Just one. How much is YOUR paycheck? And you've been there for what? Over a decade? Pitying you, Ken Wood

Mark Kernes writes on his web site: "Make sure your eyes are about one - two feet from your computer screen and level with the photos. "Defocus" your eyes in a manner similar to day-dreaming. After a very short time you will begin to see "double" images. If you concentrate (but not "focus") on the overlapping images in the center of your view, you should be able to get them to merge into a single 3D image. Remember those computer-generated designs that, after you stared at them for a while, the image of some familiar object like a sailboat or teddy bear would form? It’s like that. When that happens, you can focus your eyes to see the 3D image clearly. (At this point, everything around the image will be out of focus!) If you have trouble, try picking out a specific object common to both photos - a person’s face, or a piece of furniture - and attempt to merge those first; when successful, the whole picture will look 3D."

James DiGiorgio calls Luke: "The paramedics have just left my office... They put a big bandage on my head. I think I've got a concussion.

"I went over to look at Mark Kernes pictures. And it says you have to defocus your eyes in a manner similar to daydreaming. And you'll start to see double images. I started seeing doubled images everywhere. I got up and tripped over a double image of something on the floor and I hit my head twice against a doubled image of two file cabinets. I'm getting a lawyer. As I'm one of the few people on the planet who recognizes you as a Jew, can you recommend a good lawyer to me?

"The next time Mark Kernes tells me to defocus my eyes in the manner of daydreaming until I see double images, I'm going to shooot him. A lot of other people might have problems too. This could be a big liability for AVN. Lots of people could be falling all over and hurting themselves. You don't tell people to defocus their eyes until they see double images and then expect them to function. What about people who operate dangerous equipment?"

Gregory Bowman writes: Instructions on viewing Mark Kernes 3-D pictures:

Make sure your eyes are about one - two feet from your computer screen and level with the photos. "Defocus" your eyes in a manner similar to day-dreaming. After a very short time you will begin to see "double" images. If you concentrate (but not "focus") on the overlapping images in the center of your view, you should be able to get them to merge into a single 3D image.

I was wondering if I should be eating Krispy Kreme donuts while standing on my head? Do I need suspenders to properly view them? Should I wear a chicken suit and flail around while not focusing on the pictures? Long ago I was told if I masturbated I would go blind. Mark Kernes images and instructions on viewing have proven this may very well be a fact.

Jason Stoner writes: Luke, Great stuff on your site today! JimmyD does it again. He said, "They're investigating you. They're going to send the Mossad to your door." He's right. What's gonna happen is them Israelis are gonna kidnap you like Eichman and take you back to Jerusalem for a show trial! Watch out!

And I plan to join JimmyD's lawsuit against AVN. I tried looking at those stupid 3D pix following the instructions. Now I've got a headache and feel nauseated! They've given me permanent vertigo! I'll have to smoke some BC medicinal marijuana to recover and AVN is gonna pay for it.