Kamikaze: 1. an aircraft laden with explosives deliberately crashed by its pilot on its target. 2. its pilot.

Brandy Alexandre, the internet's first porn star, displays a deft touch with the oral arts. The blonde cocksucker who took facials in most of her 56 videos led her peers in developing a web site (appropriately located at http://kamikaze.org) which allowed anyone with a modem to find out the dirty truth about porn.

Brandy stands 5'3" with natural blonde hair and green eyes. Her unique look (she reminds some of Georgette on the Mary Tyler Moore TV show) matches a unique personality. She is no stereotypical porn "bimbo."

"If it hadn't been for porn," she writes on RAME, "I would not be an demonstrative person. Would never comfortably greet anyone with a friendly hug or kiss. I enjoy that I can do that now. I suffered from agoraphobia when I started and I barely notice it now. I would not have learned to think for myself or speak my mind. I was able to exercise my personal creativity; See many of my own ideas come to life. I met some truly wonderful people both fellow performers and fans that have become great friends."

Born 7/17/64, Alexandre appeared in such videos as Blowing in Style, Cheeks 5: Cop A Feel (wrote and directed), Mystic Pieces and Best Butt in the West (wrote and directed). She helped her ex-boyfriend John Stagliano start Evil Angel Video.

Alexandre entered porn after sharing an apartment with Bill Margold. He persuaded her in 1986 to enter a Miss Nude contest. She won. After hanging out with porn people for several months, Brandy finally took the plunge, figuring it would hurt her ex-boyfriend. She sent him her first tapes but didn't hear back.

Brandy debuted in Rippin' and Strippin' where she turns into a mannequin. She did her first sex scene in Best Friends 2 - a gay male vid.

"I'm everybody's second choice in this business. They call me if someone doesn't show up - and I hate that." (Hustler)

Like Bill Margold, Jim Holliday loves Brandy. In AVN 9/92, Jim writes: "I have known the person almost as long as anyone in the industry. Brandy Alexandre is one of the most committed pro-industry people we have. For those who don't look, she also possesses one of the three best asses in the biz. She is available for work as an actress, contrary to public opinion. Dial the phone."

Jim's plea did little to secure work for Alexandre. Rarely a first choice, Brandy's Mormon-inherited work ethic created most of her porn appearances. Though repugnant to some because of her personality, Brandy was usually around and available. Her career justifies the cliché "Half the trick in life is showing up."

Brandy: "Where is that from and what does it mean? It's from another flame in a newsgroup that is totally unrelated to anything having to do with my career. During my career there is not a single person who would ever say I had any kind of personality problem. It's a statement from another internet non-entity who has never met me."

Brandy's parents rarely broach the subject of porn with their rebellious daughter who dropped out of high school. She later passed an equivalency exam.

"Dad never says anything about my career even when he's doing my tax return and writing off 50 pairs of panties as "supplies"," writes Brandy on her internet site.

"Some guys like a girl to suck all the time, but my lips get numb. So I put a lot of hand work into it. I watch the way guys get themselves ready for a scene, how they stroke, and I pay attention to whether they like it on the head, or if they like to have the base touched - long strokes, short strokes, wet or dry.

"I like cum everywhere. This is my theory for cum shots in the face. The camera is always on the cum-shot, and where do you want that camera? On your butt? On your pussy? On your tits? Or do you want it on your face? I want it on my face. And I like the warm splashy feeling." (Hustler PSI 1991)

Alexandre feels disgusted when people offer to pay her for sex, and even more disgusted when they don't, "thinking I'm not even the quality of a prostitute and I would just give it away for the asking. Popular opinion to the contrary, a porn star's life is not fixated on achieving sex. With sex being my business, I have to have a very good reason for doing it. A lunch or dinner date is not a good enough reason. Having prejudged most men, with good cause, I am reluctant to accept such invitations anyway.

"Sex for sport is not out of the question... Using sex to get a good deal or special favor... Also, meeting a celebrity that I know other women wish they could get their hands on, or a cop who's about to give me a ticket. I'm going to be unhappy when I get old and wrinkled.

"I expect that anyone who has watched one of my movies has jerked off to me. Otherwise I didn't do something right... I have been approached by both threatening and non-threatening individuals. It's easy to tell the difference. Usually the ones you need to be afraid of are not only saying that they like your work, but they go into detail about what they do when they watch you...or what they fantasize about doing with you... Those are the ones who have lost perspective." (RAME)

Brandy despises comedian Pauly Shore. "But I was at this porno party with this other girl who adored him... He wasn't interested. He was, however, interested in me. Just because someone else wanted him so bad, I gave him a blow job."

Alexandre dated Harry Reems for several months in the late '80s. "I've been asked to get married half-a-dozen times, and I told myself the next guy who asks me, I'm going to marry. And it was Harry Reems when he came back to town. And I thought, "Well, the next person. I'd rather not marry an alcoholic"." (Hustler PSI 1991)

Tired of being misidentified in reviews, Brandy published this letter to AVN (1/92).

This isn't the first time my good work has gone miscredited, uncredited or completely unnoticed. Pictures of me have been labeled "Victoria Paris", "Laurel Canyon", and "Sharon Kane". My name has been misspelled as "Brandi", "Brandee" and "Brande"; "Alexander" and "Alexandra". One of the most recent transgressions is in the July/August issue of AVN. In the review of Cheeks IV: A Backstreet Affair, Dirty Bob raves about a limo backseat blow job but doesn't say who did it (me). No wonder my career feels like its standing still - nobody knows I'm making movies. To set the record straight, here's a few tidbits of information for my fans and info for these highly qualified critics (cough): I did the limo scene and the hot tub scene in Puttin' Her Ass On The Line. And since I've always believed that critics should notice, and that consumers should be told, when an actor crosses to the other side of the camera, I wrote VCA's The Last Resort. I wrote, directed and starred in both Blowing In Style and De Blond from Evil Angel, as well as Cheeks V: The Ultimate Butt, coming soon from Coast to Coast, in which I did the first scene with my own "A" and the last scene. Of course, if it turns out bad, I'll just say it was Debi Diamond.

AVN received half a dozen letters from the feisty blonde complaining about inadequate or inaccurate coverage.

Born in Huntington Beach, California on July 17, 1964, Alexandre grew up the youngest of three girls. Her parents, to her relief, live far away in Utah, the same state that her ex-lover Harry Reems calls home.

Her two sisters are married with children "who adore their auntie. It's that birthday cash..."

Brandy lives alone with her computer and her furry Siamese cat Kamikaze. "I can't cook, I'm a lousy housekeeper and I watch too much TV," she says. "I spend too much time on the internet." She posts her views at such newsgroups as misc.writing and rec.arts.movies.erotica.

Brandy receives E-mail from men wanting to get into porn. "All they know is what they see in the finished product - guys happily banging away at beautiful women.

"They don't realize how long it took to shoot those scenes, what the attitude of the women and crew was, how many lights there were, how many people there were... Sure, everyone likes sex, but sex on demand is different." (Brandy's net site)

Brandy told one poster on misc.writing that he was "stupid" for letting children believe in monsters. He replied: "I'm sorry for whatever happened to turn you into such a hard and bitter person, or that made you feel you had to call a total stranger "stupid" in such a vicious way for a simple differing of opinion. No one should be without magic in their childhood. Perhaps if you'd had more you would be a softer person."

Alexandre's cutting style often scares away competing female performers from usenet discussion groups such as RAME and ASM.

"There ya go Brandy," writes Brian Kushner on ASM. "Chasing away another voice from porn [Holly Ryder]. How came every female porn star that comes to this group has to be chastised by you?"

Brandy: "You guys moan about the forces trying to shut down, tame down...adult video... But then you turn around and embrace anyone who will talk to you... Holly Ryder tried to make everything about porn look bad... I will never forgive or welcome anyone who referred to me as slime and whimpered about being abused by the industry. I don't like people who...make me out as a criminal..." (RAME)

Alexandre professed shock when she found out that Tyffany Million was two years younger than her. "I thought you looked a good five years older than me, not two years younger. Someone needs to stay out of the sun."

Tyffany Million came on the newsgroup alt.sex.movies trying to sell her book on picking up strippers but fled after taking a beating from Alexandre and company.

"Hmmm... You must have some bitchen long-distance vision or something," wrote Tyffany on ASM. "You seem to have strong opinions on what I look like... pretty good for someone who has never seen me."

Brandy: "I know you're wrapped up in yourself and what you think is adulation...but don't ever think that I haven't seen you close up..."

Palantir: "Brandy, were you wearing your glasses? Or were your eyes puckering from the taste of sour grapes?"

Brandy: "I think she looks old... I'm sure you would've reacted in a similar manner if a person like Tyffany dismissed you as her contemporary to the point where she asserts you've never shared the same air space... She and I are exactly alike. We f---ed in front of the camera for money. No better or worse than the next girl that does...

"I have tried to have this conversation with her several times but she has her head so far up in the clouds, or up her ass, she will most likely never understand who or what she is.

"These are the facts: "Real people in the real world would no sooner invite a porn star, me or Tyffany, to tea or cocktail than they would s--- in public." (ASM)

Jay: "Both of you are among my favorite porn starlets. If you attack someone's personality, age, looks, writing skills... it's not only unprofessional but unethical. I thought you were a true professional, not only in front of the camera but behind it as well. Your recent postings show a different Brandy." (ASM)

Brandy: "Don't you know a troll when you see one? I wanted to see what kind of reactions I would get if I wrote the same stuff about Tyff that has been written about me through the years on this newsgroup. Apparently it's more acceptable for a fan to say rude things about a performers appearance, abilities and attitudes but not one of the performer's peers. Why? Where were you when countless others denigrated me in the same manner?

"I work in a highly regarded company [Forest Lawn which fired her in 1999] for a gentleman that is revered in the community, serving the boards of at least ten significant organizations. I also volunteer my time as a secretary to a small charitable foundation that makes about $2 million in grants per year. I would LOVE to think that if I was exposed I would be praised for the way I've "turned my life around" or for the good things that I'm doing and the fine work through skill and knowledge that I accomplish. But that's not the real world and that's not what would happen. It would be a scandal that would destroy, or put to serious question, the company, the man, and the foundation.... I worry about it at least twice a week."

A newsgroup reader: "Name calling is a part of who Brandy is as a person. She doesn't have any other way of communicating with people. Just as you and I have normal conversations with people, Brandy lashes out as a form of communication. You can't take what she says personally, because she's off-center. You take her power away when you ignore her."

Brandy gets frustrated with the newsgroup RAME for rejecting some of her posts. "There is a serious delusion of power among the moderators [Brad Williams, Tim Evanson, Jeff Knapp, Peter Van Aarle, Imperator, etc) and a bias against me...

"For years I have been a faithful participant of ASM which unfortunately has been spammed to death. I decided to give RAME a try... Recently it appears that my posts are held to a different standard than others. I started to get all huffy - the way I do when I don't get my way...

"RAME has allowed a startling number of direct attacks, personal and mean-spirited... When I respond to these, I get rejected..."

A typical attack on Brandy goes like this: "Brandy's just a blip in porn film history... After wading through her paranoia, name dropping, tantrum throwing, unimpeachable "knowledge" and bullying of real porn queens like Tyffany Million and Holly Ryder for the past three years... she wasn't blacklisted from the industry. They just got sick of her whole presence and know-it-all attitude bulls--- vibe... Saying that cute little bubble butt Holly Ryder was repulsive to men was the last damn straw. Jesus Christ, she had a body built for sex.

"This is porn. There's room for 400 pound fat ladies, 60-year olds and uglies like Saki St. Jermaine, and Brandy can't get a movie deal. Why? For someone so bossy and opinionated, she's sure got thin skin. Go ahead and pout all you want. Boo f---ing Hoo. Grow up and behave like an adult for a change. And maybe we'll all back off."

Brandy: "Now you can see why I get so upset..."

"How many porn stars have intellectual interests?" writes St. Richard on RAME. "Do they read? Do they care about anything besides sex and money? Curiously, this question is never asked about the men in porn."

Alexandre: "What kind of job do you think Randy West or Ron Jeremy would have if they were not in porn. The only guy that I knew with cultural interests was Mike Horner... "

Brandy and Mike dated for a few weeks.

"While I have the brains, I lack the motivation. I was accepted into a school to become a surgical technician after their aptitude test, but didn't follow through. I passed all the written work for the Los Angeles Police Department, but I suppose you can guess what happened with that..." (RAME)

Brandy feuds with her "friend" Bill Margold. "He still to this day FREQUENTLY refers to me to total strangers, whom he's never bothered to screen for motives, purpose, or mental stability, by my non-porn name AND gives them my phone number... I have asked him REPEATEDLY not to do either, but...he persists.

"...I'd like to kick him in the teeth. It's none of his business. Brandy Alexandre is the only person he knows and the only person in the business and the thing I have chosen to call myself. If it's Brandy it's porn, and nothing having to do with porn, or related tome through porn should be spoken of by any name BUT Brandy... From the absolute beginning of my career in porn, and he knows because he was there, I have said that I was keeping my two lives separate and real names don't have a single thing to do with porn history."

A porn and internet veteran wrote to me in late January 1997: "Everyone who has truck with Brandy gets flamed by her. I warn you that whenever your book comes out, hers may well, too. And you'll be lumped in with her, and she will harm you if she gets the chance. Aside from Bill Margold and Jim Holliday, I have never seen such a deep-seated NEED, absolute ADDICTION to being known... She approaches the endless flame-wars of the Internet with a vehemence and persistence that you can never match. It's pathological.

"Brandy must be famous. She wasn't famous as an actress. The major reason she worked was that producers knew she would show up on time.

"It's no accident that Bill was and is Brandy's...mentor. Their various feuds erupt precisely when one or the other gets a whiff of fame. Like mono poles of like charge, they repel in direct proportion to their hit of fame."

Brandy took her case against John Stagliano to the TV show People's Court.

"The plaintiff, Brandy Alexandre, is a pornographic movie actress who's suing her ex- lover for royalties she claims he agreed to pay her for one of the movies she was in, as well as pain and suffering caused by the break-up of the relationship. She's seeking $5000. The defendant, John Stagliano, says he doesn't owe Ms. Alexandre a thing, and that any royalties that may have been due were offset by his payment of medical bills which the plaintiff incurred while she was in hospital. This is the case we call Porn To Lose."

Judge Wapner ruled in Alexandre's favor for $1228. But she got nothing for pain and suffering."If I let you get away with money damages because you took the break-up harder than he did," said Judge Wapner, "every woman in California who's ever been jilted would be filing suit tomorrow."

In January, 1995, Brandy speculated that Jack Baker died of AIDS. She wrote on ASM January 12: "…Cancer is used as a cover story for a deadly sexually transmitted disease. And if Adult film actors and actresses are dying of this disease there are legal and health implications to this. I refuse to engage in AIDS-speak just because it makes some people feel better. The truth is all that counts."

Two years later, when the disease hit close to home, Alexandre demonstrated a different attitude.

On Wednesday night, 2/5/97, N. Smith at 7:31 PM Greenwich Mean Time broke the news of John Stagliano's HIV Positive status on RAME. Mike South, Brandy and others followed, mentioning Nena Cherry's positive tests. I [LF] read the news just after 6 AM PST Thursday and started checking sources, including a 30-minute phone call to Bill Margold.

I [Luke F-rd] posted Margold's comments on ASM and RAME, leading the latter with "Bill Margold says he's ready to talk to the world to fight for "his son" John Stagliano..." I also mentioned that Nena Cherry had a reputation for using drugs and spreading sexually transmitted diseases.

Brandy read my posts, became furious and phoned her old roommate. She wrote on ASM: "Like it or not, Loser Luke, hard as you tried, you did not get to be the first to break the news.... I have spoken to Margold about your extreme lack of discretion and I assure you he will no longer be a "source" of your information if I have anything to do with it.

"Do you always burn people this way or were you momentarily an utter and complete lowlife, slime-sucking, tabloid moron who *thinks* he's a writer?"

I [LF] talked to Bill in the afternoon. He told me that by posting on Nena Cherry's alleged drug use I committed a big mistake that'd get me blackballed from the industry. He accused me of reveling in the misery of others. Margold said he was the clearing house for information about porn and that he'd see to it that no one talked to me. I was a lousy writer who'd never finish this book. And Brandy, who's "very popular on the internet" would get me kicked off it.

Pornographer Mike South rose to my defense on ASM on Friday. "Luke was NOT the first to post this info. And truth is, who cares if he was if what he posted was accurate, and with the possible exception of a final status of Nena Cherry, he was very accurate including Nina's reputation as a drug user.

"Let's not fall into the old "Kill the messenger" mentality..."

Brandy responded: "...He [Luke] is not an entity in the industry and has no business running off at the mouth...

"All his porn sources are officially closed, at least on this end. If that's not so I'm sure he'll tell me so. In that event I will rip new asshole for those parties as well."

"I spoke at length with John," Brandy wrote on RAME in early February, 1997, after the news that Buttman had tested HIV positive. "I told him the news made it to the net and he said he does not care. I told him what many people are speculating about him, he said he does not care. I told him the future of Buttman had been questioned by his online fans based on flying accusations of bisexuality. He said he does not care. He said that none of your opinions matter to him. I asked if there was anything he would like me to post, and guess what - he said he didn't care."

Reacting to my role in spreading the news about John Stagliano's HIV positive status, AVN's Gene Ross wrote in the 5/97 issue: "The internet, thanks to an industry gossip monger named Luke F-rd, had already begun rushing to judgment well before any facts were in."

In late April, Brandy posted on misc.investments.stocks: "I need to know what the Dow Jones Industrial Average record was around the end of March...

"There's a reason that some boyfriends have EX in front of them. My ex-boyfriend [John Stagliano] was not very wealthy when we were together for two years when he started his company with my expert help. But he certainly is now, and doesn't hesitate to say so (scary thing, that white trash getting money).

"Anyway, we get along all right now as long as he's not telling me how much money he has, knowing how little I have. There is some contention whether or not he owes me $10,000 in commissions. Obviously I say yes. He brags about making $2,000 a day, but can't manage to give up five days worth to settle the issue.

"Around April 15th I told him to just pay off my car and I'll let the issue die. The pay-off is only $4,400, saving me $150 a month which is a lot of money for me. He said that if the Dow Jones hits over 7000 in the next 30 days he will..."

Brandy later apologized for the post and announced that John had paid her off.

On March 21st, 1997, Brandy replied to my latest post on ASM. "It has been my pleasure to drop a note to Barclay House about the posting of major portions of Luke F-rd's book (if not all of it) [in reality about 1% of it] on the net. I'm certain they will no longer be interested in paying any amount close to first rights since this spam can be read by millions of people around the world.

"As an aspiring writer, I have thoroughly investigated the do's and don'ts of the net and publishing. Glad to see this loser hasn't and I can so easily affect any commercial interest in the book.

"It was also my pleasure to include in my letter who I was and what I know about the alleged Mafia in the industry. I also informed them that Mr. Ford's major (if not only) source within the industry has cut him off due to Mr. Ford's outlandish behavior, i.e., kiss and tell (you know who, Luke) [Bill Margold] spreading rumors, and even behavior that had him kicked off AOL."

After ignoring for months most of Brandy's attacks on me, I posted in late April, 1997, most of this profile of Brandy on RAME which the aggressive blond described as a thinly disguised flame.

Mike South replied to her: "Brandy, if you terrorize a dog or a human being long enough, they will attack you. This shouldn't be a big surprise."

Brandy: "I haven't terrorized anyone. All I've done is point out a few of his mistakes."

Nena Cherry felt hurt by Brandy's stinging comments. Nena writes about Brandy and an internet poster named 'Troy288': "I can't believe that these two can not find something better to do besides pick on people like they are so damn perfect. What is the deal, do you not have something better to do or do you just get off on it? You must get off on it , well I'm sick and tired of it and wish that two of you and `'Troy288' would either be nice or leave me the hell alone. I'm really sick of the games that you three are playing and think that you should grow up and act like adults and not some assholes who just wait for the opportunity to bust you ass over small human error try to put their noses where it does not belong. Brandy, I see here on RAME has a history of doing this and seems like a know it all on just about every subject there is, as if she is a mistake free human and does no wrong, but just as all of us have read here in the archives she has a skeleton or two in her closet and a history of being a ass to people and treating others like her whipping post and why people would take that s--- from her is beyond me. I will not, I have never met her and she tries to dog me out in IRC and every single oppurtunity she and her 'clan' has.

"This is so ridiculous and I wish they would get over it. What makes her so perfect that she feels the right to bash people and pry into their lives and gossip and start rumors? I admit that she is very well spoken but she has used it in several negative ways, against people as a way to gain some sort of personal glory. But where is the glory in being a rude 'know it all?' I also never said that I have great computer skills. I have only been doing this for less than six months, so I apologize to those of you who have been caring and patient with my postings that have errors in my typing and mispelled words here and there. I will be more careful and try to slow down and proofread before I post. Brandy, you don't have to act like your trying to help me with your 'suggestions' we know that is a load of crap. I don't like your games and it is another attempt to bash me again, as you have so many times. What is your problem can't you be nice or are you just going to be a 'well spoken' bitch with a attitude and not a nice bone in your body? What the hell did I ever do to you for you to always be nagging me? Its not just me that you do this to, you`ve been doing this for a very long time. And that is old, all your games and the way you treat people and talk to them like they are your dogs. Like you are so damn wonderful. I never came to RAME to get sympathy as you like to say. Think what you want and your clan too for that matter, it is none of your damn business why I'm here. I'm not here for you , I'm here for me. Good try, again, but no cigar.

"Bill Margold said you were a nice person and from time to time I hear that but not often enough enough I hear that you can be sweet but for the most part I see a very callous, bitter and angry woman, and you like to have someone around to take it out on. Well guess what lady, I'm not her and if the table was turned then I don't think you would go for it either. As I've read from your post you don't take s--- from people too well. I don't either!

"Bill also said that you would make a good friend and that if I went to IRC chat that you would not let people bad mouth me that you would have them thrown out ....What? It seems to me that you are the one to watch out for.

"And from my experience you are very vindictive and have no reason to be to me. I never met you any harm or anyone else for that matter that is not the type of person I am. So you really have no reason to have it in for me. I don't care how long you have been up here, that makes no difference to me and I will remain here like it or not... Brandy you are not my mother so don't pull that 'suggestion' s--- with me. Don't tell me what the hell to do and how to run my life, much less my computer or anything, I don't need it."

In February 1998, Brandy posted on RAME about me [LF]: "He did sell one copy -- to my attorney. Of course he doesn't know that. We just need to be sure that the falsehoods he had to remove from the web site was also removed from what he's hawking to people."

There was no falsehood that I had to remove from my web site.

I met Brandy Alexandre for the first time at the CES in January 1999. A few days later, she wrote to me: "I have to tell you again that what people say on the net [in a newsgroup] who have never met me, who I don't know me, shouldn't be taken as a true assessment of myself, my personality, or my motives. There is so much in here that is just utter garbage. I know *you* [Luke] like it because it's
sensationalistic, but all I kept hearing at the show was, "What's this stuff about you on the net?" Meaning they were amazed that I could ever give such an impression to anyone. EVERY person in the industry was greeted me with genuine surprise, affection, hugs and kisses.

"Your statements that I am despised, repugnant are completely and totally false. [Ex-porn journalist] Hart Williams wrote stuff like that because he was angry that I dared point out that he's not the porn guru he liked people to believe. I'm not the one who started on Tyffany Million, and it is not my mission to chase porn stars away. I will point out any porn star who comes in for the sole purpose to shmooze and sell. I will point out porn stars who have tried to hurt the industry, like Holly Ryder. I had anti-fans, again, only on the net, all along and they grabbed onto these things and put their own spin on it, but it simply is not true.

"I really wish you [LF] HAD been stalking me around the floor. Then you would know that you look foolish with all this angry poking at Brandy you publish from people who are so far removed from the industry they'll do and say anything to feel a part of it."

Numerous Alexandre fans want her to release a compilation tape. One writes 1/99: "Brandy, you are the greatest. It's hard to keep from masturbating while watching you (gee, I hope you don't mind me telling you that!) Plenty of your fans would gladly pay for the right comp tape. I'm curious: which ten scenes would you use, if you could make the ideal compilation tape?"

In early May, 1999, after months of online feuding between Alexandre, Bianca Trump and posters named Diablo and Oliver44, detailed information about Brandy Alexandre, including her real name, Social Security number, bankruptcy history, home address and work place appeared on the newsgroups.

On May 10, 1999, various inflammatory posts were made in Brandy's name (though definitely not by Brandy) which included her work phone number. One post to alt.religion.islam read, "Why is it all you towel heads work at 7/11? Does Allah want you to server Slurpees? Tell me your opinions, sand niggers. Call me at Forest Lawn and ask for XXX[Brandy's real name]. > > Brandy Alexandre > brandy@kamikaze.org > http://kamikaze.org."

A post to alt.politics.nationalism.black read, "Why is it that you niggers are so stupid? Please let me know. You can call me at [Forest Lawn, Brandy's work number] during the day and ask for XXX. Thats if your monkey fingers can type the right numbers."

A post to alt.sex.wanted read, "Hello, I'm looking to have phone sex during the day and a possible meeting > or two. My name is XXX and can be reached during the day at Forest Lawn> just ask for XXX. This is no gimmick. This is totally free. Please call > me. I can't wait to f--- you."

A post to alt.fan.adolf_hitler, forged under Brandy's real name, read, "Do you love hitler as much as me? If you do please call me at Forest Lawn and ask for XXX. We can talk about the master race and maybe even phone sex. Zeig Heil > >Brandy Alexandre >brandy@kamikaze.org >http://kamikaze.org"

Soon after Brandy's bosses at Forest Lawn Memorial Parks found out that she was a porno star. They moved to get rid of her. Brandy fought back and eventually went on TV 6/11/99 to tell her story. She refused Forest Lawn's request to sign a gag agreement in exchange for generous compensation pay or a new work position.

6/14/99

Brandy: "My book [biography] is 85% complete. When this happened with Forest Lawn, I got in touch with my literary agent and she suggested that I not sign anything [a gag agreement] either. Not because the publicity will sell more books, but because it provides her with a publicity opportunity that will help her shop it to more publishers. I've sent her three chapters, a synopsis and a table of contents, and she's been shopping that. Maybe we can get an advance so that I won't have to worry about finances.

"The only things I have left to do in the book are the more personal things. I don't think readers would let me get away with not devoting a chapter to John Stagliano. And about my growing up..."

Luke: "How much dish do you give?"

Brandy: "Not a lot. It's not a tabloid style book. It was necessary to dish a bit, in some anecdotes to get some points across. People ask a lot if I had orgasms [on camera]. So I had to give an anecdote about doing a threeway for the movie Shadow Dancers with Steve Vegas and Gregor Samsa. Neither of them could keep it up... I was just trying to get through the scene to make myself look good by making them look good because they always blame the women if the guy is not hard. I had to focus so much on keeping them going... When does a porn star have time to get off herself?"

Luke: "Did you ever get off on camera?"

Brandy: "No."

Luke: "And that would be true of your female peers?"

Brandy: "Yes... I know that ruins the fantasy for people who tell it like it is... I'd compare it to interviews with Hollywood stars shortly before a movie is released. And they say, 'everyone was wonderful, we had a great time...' Would you be interested if you found out the lead actor was a total asshole but it doesn't show on camera?"

Luke: "This Forest Lawn situation seems like something you've been dreading all along. I remember our arguments on usenet about porn stars real names. This is precisely why you believe they should be kept private."

Brandy with a rueful laugh: "This is exactly what I was talking about, you asshole. Question: How do you feel about having done that now?"

Luke: "I'm too much in the middle of it to say..."

Brandy: "Chicken."

Luke: "I don't have joy that you got fired."

Brandy: "I have never shied away from being a pioneer. I was the first woman to write, produce and direct videos. And I got squeezed out of the industry for doing it well. I was the first porn star on the internet and I took a lot flaming and a lot of attacks for that. Being the first porn star fired as a result of cyber stalking, it's not a good place to be. But all these things serve as an example for other people and provide the experience and open the way for people to change their attitudes after they see what happens to the trailblazer. The cool thing about the pioneer is new discoveries, but you know the pioneers are the ones with the arrows in their backs. [rueful laugh]"

Luke: "How many people share the attitude of your company - that porn stars carry a form of contagion."

Brandy: "Someone from Forest Lawn saw the news segment and sent me a private message... He said that I was the most real person at the company. Even though we had only met a couple of times, he really liked me. And he was very sad to hear what had happened. And he too had had problems with Human Resources for stupid little things. I know there is support out there... They can put whatever spin on it they like, but as I said on the news reports, anyone who dwells seriously on my being a porn star should be happy that I am not doing it anymore and that I have a good job. Had..."

Luke: "Are you proud or are you ashamed of your background as a porn actress?"

Brandy: "Neither. It's something I did for work and now I do something else. I don't care how hard the universe, society, tries to make me regret porn. It will not happen. I do not regret anything that I do because all of my experiences are part of who I am today and I happen to like myself. I can't be ashamed. I'd probably put a gun to my head if I did that."

Brandy: "I've been reluctant to tell people that I am a porn star because of these kind of reactions. I've never been ashamed of it obviously, because even though I've been retired since 1992, I maintain this website www.kamikaze.org. I still want to answer questions. People who are interested in a little porn education, and to clear up some stereotypes, I want to do that."

Luke: "What were the major mistakes in the news reports on Friday?"

Brandy: "That my website had anything to do with my dismissal... The news reports were the first time I heard of it. That only came up after I turned down the new position outside of the executive offices. There was no connection between my website and Forest Lawn except in the newsgroups by the cyber stalker and Bianca Trump. And newsgroup articles expire. And DejaNews was cooperative in deleting the articles from the archive. This would've blown over in weeks. And it wasn't even news worthy [until Forest Lawn decided to fire her]. The news reporters told me that if the LA Times had gotten wind of it, they would not even have chosen to follow it up... It's not interesting that a former porn star works there, big deal. Unless there's a fuss about something, no one is interested.

"I'm now doing some website design and some editing work. I'm not sure what I will do. It's frightening to think about going on interviews again. Is this something [porn past] to continue to hide or should I bring it up in the interview process because someone might toss it up to them later? I've had employers find out before about Brandy Alexandre but none of them have behaved this way. The worst anyone has ever reacted is to remind me daily how much it doesn't matter, as well as offer me a few more hugs and things... I would be so happy to find a sugar daddy and not have to do anything.

"I devoted three years to Forest Lawn. I was tapped to appear on some new literature that would be handed out to all new employees. I turned it down... They didn't know why. I knew it would not be good for the company if someone recognized me.

"Tell people to send money. You can find my address on my website."

Bianca Trump writes on RAME about Brandy: "She was fired for making harassing posts about Diablos personal information from her work ISP. Thats the part of the story story she is leaving out."

Brandy replies on RAME: "Stick to things you know about, BT, and we'll never have to hear from you again. Frankly, that would have made them look better on the news, rather than the falsehood about my web site. So, if that were true, I'm sure they would have said it. But the fact remains I did not post any personal information about Diablo from work, and what personal information I did provide was only what was from Internic and cleverly disguised in a delightful story everyone enjoyed. It was only there for him to see what it feels like to have people do him what he and BT were doing to others. Funny how BT professes to know more about my life than even I do. Frankly, after their response in the news, and knowing that it was a fabrication, I have no idea how or why they came to the decision other than I could not be controlled by promises of money. Of course all the stuff you and your pathetic minions did played a major part, which is why we have to suffer this campaign of disinformation spawned by your feelings of guilt."

Oliver44 pointed out on the newsgroups how Alexandre, from her work place, posted to alt.cult_movies.erotica about her enemy Diablo.

Voyager7 writes on RAME: Since I am a perennial rubbernecker on veep Gore's Info Hiway, I went to Brandy's site, read her account of what happened and then since I have use of ISDN at work, I downloaded the NBC and Fox TV news segments found on her site.

First off, until we are all blessed with "100 mbps (or better yet gigabit) switched" cable modem access to our computers, one can pretty much kiss off getting any kind of decent video via Al's info highway. Of course with our lame clueless Telco's and Cable TV industry, this may eventually be a reality, though not by 2050.... but I digress.....

As for downloading Brandy's "puppies"...... :-) NBC segment. 28.6 mb, took 34 minutes to download a 2 plus minute recorded TV segment. ISDN router was cranking at 14.6 KB/sec, at 75% throughput. Don't know why it wasn't cruising at 100%. Fox segment. 25.4 mb, took 30 minutes to download the mpeg file.

Ok, Brandy who is your publicist? It sounds like you got lead story at the head of a both broadcasts. Impressive. Both segments were close to being the same. Showed some boxcover art of Brandy and some pics, as they briefly discussed her porn career which they indicated she left, 7 years ago. I liked the "TV Bite", with her wearing the cowgirl hat and boots.... :-) Both TV news stories reiterated what Brandy noted in her website. The HR director http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/career/index.html told the company line, and from what she said, I got the drift that Forest Lawn was pissed mainly about Brandy's website, and their company's mention therein.

I thought in the timeline of things, Forest Lawn wasn't mentioned in her website until sometime after Brandy got put on waivers. ??? I believe Brandy discounted this in her interview, and parts of her waiver letter from her former employer, were highlighted on screen. The parts saying her former occupation was a discredit and embarrassment to Forest Lawn. Damn, I learn something new about those dearly planted every day. Not only do..... Dead Men Not Wear Plaid......... but apparently they are deeply embarrassed by having a 7 year former pornstar minding their p's & q's! :-)

In both of Brandy's interviews, she was wearing a light colored business dress accented by her short stylish dark blond hair. Very executive secretary like. She told her side of the story with vigor, a bit of humor, was wide eyed, attentive, and spoke very intelligently, a very good TV presence of a victim, done wrong. If Brandy decides to tussle with them in the media, she would be a formidable foe.

Pics of the corporate tudor style headquarters and the grounds at the planting station were shown, nice place to work it appears, visually. Questions for Brandy, In the Fox segment, who was the guy you were walking with and speaking to who had a cane? [Boyfriend Michka]

At the end of the Fox segment, the reporter indicated that Forest Lawn could not be held legally liable for waiving you, because you had not indicated on your employment application, that you were once a pornstar. Was he making a big stretch here, or is that true, legally? Finally, in my opinion, this was a thoroughly disgusting and nasty thing someone(s) foisted upon Brandy. I mean screwing around with one's cybermind is one thing, but screwing with one's livelihood is another. I know, I would not want to be on the receiving end.... when... The Empire Strikes Back.....

Torris writes on RAME: "Yes, why not spend several thousand dollars of time and effort in a losing cause that they can't recoup b/c you have no money to pay. Sure we don't have socialized medicine in the US of A. But let's give socialized lawyering. Yeah, makes sense to me. No laywer would take her case, b/c they would lose. Brandy Alexander is certainly NOT a poster child for the defense of free speech rights. There are much more sympathetic victims out there to champion in the porn industry.

"The last thing a funeral home wants to get is a bunch of faxes and calls about the former porn star who works in their secretarial office. Being a conservative industry I'm sure they were livid to find out that one of their own had been a porn star of some notoriety. That's the last thing a funeral home would want is to bring that level of unwanted controversy and scrutiny upon themselves."

Luke Interviews Brandy Alexandre 7/14/99

Luke: "Your thoughts on the Free Speech Coalition's Night of the Stars dinner dance Saturday evening, July 10?"

Brandy: "It was nice except for the attitudes of a couple of the recipients... Richard Pacheco chiefly. He spent most of his time spewing vulgarity at the people who were not being quiet to listen to the pearls of wisdom that dropped from his lips. I don't think you can take a bunch of porn people and put them in a room and expect them to know which fork to use, much less to be quiet. Perhaps Night of the Stars is better served as a dinner in honor of, without the [lengthy] presentation for Lifetime Achievement.

"I saw lots of old friends... Nina [Hartley], Keisha... My date wanted to meet Keisha. And every time she went by, I couldn't get her attention or I didn't try because I didn't think she'd remember me. Then as soon as he went to the restroom, Keisha came by and sat down in his chair and said, 'I know you. Who are you?' And we chatted for five minutes. I kept waiting for him to come back. He never did. After she left, he came back... I told him Keisha was here and he thought I was fibbing. So I had a fan boy with me."

Luke: "Don't you always?"

Brandy: "No, I'm always alone. I was at open seating last year. I didn't know who any of my dinner mates were. They were doing the XRCO's Legends of Erotica. What a flop that was! It's poorly planned. They have 20 chairs set up expecting all these stars to show up to receive a medal from Jim Holliday... Many of the recipients did not show up. Others showed up and then left because they thought they were not going to be doing the program."

Luke: "What's the progress report on your book?"

Brandy: "It's stalled at the moment. I'm struggling through the last couple of chapters, the ones where I have to think... My agent is shopping it around..."

Luke: "Do you care to share any reflections on how your involvement in the industry has affected you?"

Brandy, in tears: "I'm almost to the point of regret. And I don't want to regret that I've been in porn. And unless the world can accept that porn exists and that people come and go, and that when they go, they need to work, it's likely there will be a lot more regret."

Brandy's Fling With James Toback

Brandy Alexandre writes: Since you mention Jim Toback on your site, here's a heavily edited excerpt from my book "Shot-on-Video: Everything You Wanted To Know About a Life in Porn and a Few Things You Didn't." Remember this is before porn...

______ I didn't have sex with Jim Toback in the traditional way. He was the writer and director for Beatty's rotten movie, The Pick-up Artist. I struck up a conversation with him and mentioned I wanted to be a production assistant. He invited me to the Shangri-la in Santa Monica to "discuss" the possibility. Always willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I went.

He talked about actresses who f--- their way into the work they get, using Tanya Roberts, as an example. (Of course I don't know if that's true, but having seen her work I can believe it.) He was apparently leading up to the suggestion I take the same approach, even if I was only looking for grunt work. It wouldn't have been entirely out of the question; there were many directors I had met with whom I would gladly have a quickie--like John Landis, Peter Weir, Taylor Hackford, Sydney Pollack--just not Jim Toback.

He started to get a little touchy-feely, but, sensing my unease, told me he wasn't interested in sex. All he wanted was for me to pinch his nipples while he played with my boobs and ground his crotch against me. I obliged; it was all pretty harmless. Besides, if that's all he wanted, and if it would get me some work, why not? Messy for him, clean for me. The guy got off in his undies and I never even took off my clothes.

I left my phone number with him and he promised to keep me in mind when his next project came around. I bet you can guess how that turned out.

9/17/99

Gene Ross Screws Brandy Alexandre

According to porn gossip, Luke F-rd and Brandy Alexandre are an item. Which means that Luke was surprised to see Brandy Alexandre's recent conversation with AVN journalist Gene Ross splashed all over his website www.geneross.com.

Why didn't she give that scoop to me?

Alexandre took a five minute break from sucking my cock, to write to me:

Yeah, I was surprised to see it on Gene's site too. I'll give you one thing, Luke, at least you tell people if you're recording and ask permission to put something up on your site. I thought Gene asked me for more details on the book thing because he was interested. I've called him with gossip tidbits in the past, but this conversation was strictly business. I wanted some information I thought he might have for the book proposal and I was giving him background.

I really wouldn't mind so much if he didn't make me sound illiterate! Spelling errors aside ("awhile," "Forrest,") they still wind up being attributed to the person under discussion. I'm talking about things like... shoot...I used the phrase "take a different TACK," an idiom based on a sailing term meaning to change one's approach. He wrote "take a different TACT." Since he was recording me (without my knowledge) the error implies that I said "tact" which irks me. I would expect a "real" writer to know at least half as much as I do. ;) If a writer isn't familiar with scads of idioms, then he should at least have a few dozen reference books to look it up. I also said the new title was called "Shot on Video" because it was the battle cry when I was working *before* it CONNOTATED schlock and the cry became "Shot on Film!"

Like I said, I don't mind that he did it, I guess, I just hate to look like a moron by someone else's lack of attention to any modicum of detail. You know, like Luke F-rd. ;) I'm glad I didn't use names. That's all I need is for either agent to hear that they've been mentioned on a porno web site. I also said the previous title of my book was "Being Brandy: 2000 Days of Porn." Like anyone is going to buy a book that just says "Brandy " on it unless it's about that Moesha chick. BTW, people keep signing my guestbook thinking it's her site. Like, Hello?

Anyway, I called another knowledgeable industry person looking for the same information I was seeking from Ross, and this person said I should try Paul Fishbein. I said I already spoke to Ross and they said something to the effect of "skip Gene Ross, he's too far out of the loop for any useful purpose."

Brandy tells Luke: I still get a lot of fan mail, and they send me cash and checks all the time, twenty dollars, fifty dollars... but I just had one who works for a movie theatre company and he sent me about 20 free movie tickets! And these aren't the restricted kind, either. Now THERE is a man after my heart. :)

I have cool fans. RARELY do I ever get a letter or email that talks about what they want to do to me sexually, or how much I'd charge for a date.

Although, I did get an email yesterday from a guy who said his lifelong dream was to have a sexual encounter/date with me, and that he's handsome and healthy--all of that. I wrote back and said he had me confused with a prostitute and he should look up Bianca Trump or anyone who appears at the Bunny Ranch. The guy wrote back and said he was sorry, didn't mean to insult me, and that he wasn't looking to pay for it!

Needless to say I was a bit more testy in my response. I told him that I appreciated that he was a fan and everything, but that he wasn't even willing to pay for it was even more insulting, "Do you think I just give away sex to any Joe Blow who asks nicely?  Take a trip to the real world someday."

1/17/99

Brandy Alexandre wrote to Dr. John Gray. It was published in Gray's column in the Los Angeles Times 1/17/99:

Dear John: I am a former porn star, which brings me to my question: When does one tell a possible mate about his/her past, if at all?

I've been out of the industry since 1992. I'm older now, so it's unlikely I would be recognized, but fans can always surprise you. During that time, I've worked for the same company as an executive secretary. When people change jobs, it's usually not a big deal for them to discuss what they used to do. That's a luxury not reserved for porn stars.

One friend, a male, says I should never tell -- not even if I was to get married. Then again, this so-called "friend" fixed me up twice, and both times told my dates my secret. He felt he had a duty to let them know!

In the past, my honesty has turned a nice dinner date into a "Let's skip dinner and get down to business" offer. Others beg off when they find out.

My past is not something I really want to hide; I still want to be true to myself, as I feel we are all the sum of our life experiences. Still, if the person is completely opposed to the idea for one reason or another, I don't want to waste his or my time. Should I 'fess up? And if so, at what point in the relationship? -- Haunted By My Past in Palm Beach

Dr John Gray replies: Dear Haunted: The doorway to intimacy is opened by sharing the complete truth. Having said that, let me add that there is always a time and a place when sharing the truth is difficult, if not impossible. Perhaps, in a perfect world, we could share every past detail with our soul mate.

Everyone has things about their past that they are not proud of. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. If talking about your past brings up the fear that you will be judged or criticized, it is best that you not bring it up.

There are many happily married couples who have not shared everything about their pasts. As a general rule, I don't recommend that people in their 30s and beyond give explicit details of their past sexual experiences to their partners. While some people have no problems with their soul mate's past, many find this subject disconcerting.

It may even be that you feel you've found the person you want to share your life with, but you feel this particular truth would be too hard for him to understand at this time. Years down the road, as intimacy and trust grows, you might be able to share this information and feel completely loved and supported.

When someone recognizes you and wants you to confirm that you are who they think you are, simply answer, "You must be mistaken. I'm not the person you think I am." In a way, you are telling the truth because you have changed. Besides, our personal past is no one's business but our own. I'm certain some very famous people would agree with me about that.

Luke Threeways Brandy, NJG

9/17/99

BrandyAlx1: So, when do I get to have a threeway with you and NJG? I'm jealous. I thought we were an item?

So at 5:30 PM, Luke conducted a threeway phonecall with NJG and Brandy Alexandre.

Brandy: In the porn circle, I'm like Albert Einstein. Perhaps that's why I don't want to step out of it.

BrandyAlx1: Okay, so out of all the little quotes you could pull from that conversation, you pulled one completely out of context because you knew it was flame fodder. Right? Luzdedos1: Right.

Our conversation late Friday afternoon, shortly before the Holy Sabbath, began with Nice Jewish Girl (NJG) telling Brandy why she admires her.

NJG: You kick men's ass.

Brandy: And they hate it. And I have this horrible repuation as a bitch...

NJG: So do I. Are you a Scorpio?

Brandy: No, but I have a Scorpio moon though. I'm a Cancer.

NJG: Courtney Love is a Cancer...

Brandy: We're sensitive and weird...

NJG: Oh, I love sensitive and weird.

Brandy: Luke doesn't believe in this stuff.

NJG: Luke totally believes in it.

Luke: I'm agnostic on astrology.

NJG: Do you believe anything Luke says?

Brandy: Not usually.

NJG: Thank you.

Brandy: You and I are a lot alike. I read your discussions...

NJG: I am totally your fan too... This woman is brilliant and she gets s--- all the time. People just rake her over the coals.

Luke: She's not deferential enough to men.

NJG: Shut up Luke.

Brandy: Am I supposed to just roll over and be like Cocksocket?

NJG: The only reason he likes normal chicks is that they are not like you and me Brandy. They are not going to rake him over the coals for every little s--- that he does.

Brandy: I only rake people over for stuff that I know that they are wrong about and I know that I am right.

NJG: I'm in a similar job to what you had at Forest Lawn... I feel so bad for what happened to you... You should be in a union. I hate unions too, and I rake my union over the coals...

Brandy: I worked for Sony in a floater pool... And they put me in this job for supposedly only two weeks. Nine weeks later, I'm still there. But they said that if I did not join the union, they would terminate me. So I said, fire me, I will not join your union.

Brandy: By working three years for a studio, movies have been totally ruined for me. And being totally brilliant... Within the first 15 minutes, I've got it and I can go home. If I lose interest in the story right away, there is lots of other stuff I can look at... XXX and I went to see Notting Hill five times.

NJG: If the story line isn't emotionally pushing me to the wall...

Brandy: It was a celebrity commoner union...significant to our relationship. And as our relationship progressed, we wanted to see how we related to the characters...

Luke: Cocksocket is going to convert to Judaism and become my brood mare.

NJG: In your dreams baby... You want to live off her...

Brandy: I have the same ideals but it is not the same when a woman goes after a guy with money...

NJG: But when women go after a guy with bucks, the guy is a frog... Luke, if you hook up with her, will you send me and Brandy to Europe together...

Brandy: All I want Luke to do is cosign an apartment for me... It just sold and I was talking to the owner and he said that he'd really like me to move...

Luke: Is he Jewish?

Brandy: I think so...Sam Deutch...

Luke: It's those Jews, bloodsucking...

NJG: My ex landlord won his building in a crap game... We organized against him.

Luke: You chicks need to stop organizing and become more deferential to men.

Brandy: If I can get a guy to marry me and give me everything I need, I will do what he wants...

NJG: Go for somebody who is hot looking...

Brandy: I met someone online... We communicated for a year before he sent me a picture...and it just destroyed the relationship... He was passing through, singing at a wedding... I picked him up at LAX... And the superficial part of me tookover... Then I got to go to one of his performances... He sang "Maria" from West Side Story... But by that time, because I had been so shallow, he married someone else.

I keep trying to give Luke a chance, the dog that he is... But his personality just doesn't hold up either...

The only reason Luke is Jewish is that it is the only religion that does not have excommunication.

NJG: He's Jewish because he's antisemitic.

Brandy: Kinda like that Seinfeld episode where that comedian converted to Judaism so he could tell the Jewish jokes...

NJG: Luke digs torment...so he's Jewish.

Brandy: He and John Stagliano ought to get together... They'd get along so well. They are both these angst ridden people who could go bemoan their existence and how the world does not confirm to their ideals... Then Luke could do him up the butt and then they would all be happy.

Luke: NJG, do you know who John Stagliano is?

NJG (thinking of Ron Jeremy): Is he that fat guy?

Luke: No, he is Buttman, a leading innovative pornographer.

Brandy: I created Buttman... I used to do the promotion for Evil Angel.

NJG: I've never heard of Buttman.

Brandy: You never heard of Brandy Alexandre and Best Butte in the West and these other fantastic movies she made?

NJG: No.

Brandy: My contemporary is Barbara Streisand in Yentl, because she also wrote, produced and directed...

Luke: A lot of critics have compared Best Butte in the West to Yentl.

NJG: Whenever I hear of porno, I go ugghhh... These are all people Luke knows and Luke f---s... And they are all so ugly, except for John Decker.

NJG: Was Ginger Lynn in that Metallica video?

Luke: Yes, she was the hooker.

Brandy: What a stretch.

NJG: No offense to Ginger but she's lived a really hard life. That's the thing about porn. You know what it kills first? It kills your face. I think girls should get way more money because your looks are going to die really quick.

Luke: I think it'd be good for their faces, considering all the semen that gets splashed on them...

NJG: These women are getting taken advantage of and they should organize...

Brandy: But there's always someone who's a little more desperate and willing to do it for a little less...

It's my mission in life to make porn stars look better so I can look better by association... But the girls in the industry tend to be dumb.

NJG: Your face is going to fall the longer you are in it...

Brandy: Mine is still in the same place, though a little wrinklier than it used to be... I got fat for a while and when I got back to the weight I used to be, for some reason it did not all snap back in the same place... I don't know if the industry did it or that's what happens when you get fat...

NJG: Were you eating out of frustration over what you had been doing? I've known sex workers and they feel so contemptuous of those guys...

Brandy: I started gaining weight when I worked for this nail products company... Within the first week I was working there, they found out who I was, through no fault of my own... I started wearing frumpy clothes and I allowed myself to gain weight. I cut my hair off... Because I figured if I allowed myself to become less attractive, it wouldn't have the impact on my job... Of course it did... I got heavier, and when I hit 150 pounds, I stopped...

You do get very jaded in the industry and I still keep people at a great emotional distance...

Luke, would give up chasing porn stars after one blowjob from me...

NJG: Don't be sweet on him. Brandy, you read how he treated me the next day... After we had gone out and he was leaning on me and holding my hand and being all sweet to me... And the next day he disses me and doesn't even walk near me...

Brandy: It was because you didn't put out.

NJG: No, he's like that to every girl.

Luke: I had a lot on my mind that day. I had just been to the Playboy Expo...

NJG: He wants an innocent girl he can treat like s---...

Brandy: I think he puts out this 'I'm practically impotent' thing to present a challenge to women... So these women will think, 'let me help you. I bet you won't with me.' I almost did the same thing...

I think everyone would like to see it. You come down and hold the camera and we'll do this great Brandy Gives Luke A Blow Job and we'll see how flacid it stays the whole time. Then we'll have a debate whether Luke is a total loser or because Brandy is scary.

NJG: I think any girl with an opinion is scary to Luke...

Luke: I'm just looking for someone to love me. To mother me...

NJG and Brandy laugh at me.

Luke: My mommy died when I was very young and I had to live with many different families and I just want a little affection and tenderness...

NJG: That's why he leaves every chick he sleeps with after 15 minutes...

Brandy: I have my original parents and siblings and I just don't know how to relate to that...

Luke: I'm in pain...

Brandy: But I was raised Mormon, so I am just as whacked as him...

NJG: That's why he leaves every chick he sleeps with after 15 minutes...

Brandy: I hate Andrea Dworkin... She has no concept of the differences between men and women. And why those differences exist...

NJG: Because men use all their power against us.

Luke: I'd like to use something against you right now baby.

Brandy: Andrea Dworking is so afraid of the penis...

NJG: She's living with a man... She's doing him...

Luke: He's a poofter.

NJG: Why is she living with him [John Stoltenberg] in the same room?

Luke: They wanted to look normal but they are both queer.

NJG: They are in love. They met in their 20s. They totally have sex. Brandy, did you read her quotes?

Luke: Brandy doesn't read my site.

NJG: But you read it for me, right? Oh, there she is! I've got to read this...

Brandy: I like to glance at the Nice Jewish Girl stuff...How you rag on him. We think alike in our assessments of Luke...

NJG: When I first met Luke, I really liked you Brandy. And he was like, Oh Brandy, she's done all these evil things to me...

Brandy: The reason that I lost my job was because of Luke putting my real name out there... And whenever people were losing their arguments with me, they'd start calling me by my real name... And it trickled down to some psychos...

NJG: Is John Decker bright?

Luke: Yes.

Brandy: That's my problem in relationships. I have yet to meet someone who is my intellectual equal.

NJG: I hear you Brandy. Most guys don't even like intelligent chicks... And Jewish guys don't like Jewish chicks...

Brandy: I think that's why I liked XXX so much because he was so much smarter than me and I've never encountered that... In the porn circle, I'm like Albert Einstein. Perhaps that's why I don't want to step out of it.

NJG: How about Gloria Leonard? She seems smart.

Brandy: Yeah, kinda.

NJG: I like her vibe. She's this Jewish ballsy chick who's like, f--- Luke F-rd.

Brandy: I would classify her with Nina Hartley and Annie Sprinkle...

NJG: I'm not into Nina's trip... Oh, it is so healthy...

Brandy: I don't get into that rah rah, we're all exercising our First Amendment rights. I think that's bulls---. I think we all know deep down why we're here...

NJG: Money...

Brandy: That goes on because people want to feel better... They want to have a better image... You know why you're here. Face it, have fun with it, and move on from it when you're done... And you should be able to move on from it when you're done because society is saying that it is so bad, and you'd like to get real jobs... And I got one, and look at what happened. And that is something I am trying to approach in my book that will never be published.

NJG: I've got his book here right now from the library... I don't know... He's great on the website but his book... I still love you Lukey... I guess it is well researched...but it is unexciting.

Brandy: It is not. Luke took information from every possible source he could and believed it to be true... He didn't do any research on his own. He read a bunch of magazines.

I told him a year ago that instead of relying on quotes, he should put it in his own voice... He said, yeah, yeah, Brandy... I was always ragging on him anyway. He thought I was trying to tear him down. Then look at Publisher's Weekly. They said the same thing. There's no unifying theme...

NJG: His style is raw.

Brandy: Rog says that the book was good before it went to the publisher and a lot of it had to be cut out...

Luke: Yeah, the editor kept redpenning "libel, slander, gossipy..."

NJG: That's the best part. Slanderous, libelous, gossipy is great.

Brandy: He was with Prometheus and they do not have a nice legal department to handle these things... I would like to find a larger publisher.

He's got this area for the gossip which shares the same amount of space as his own picture... I just grab the scroll bar and go down fast looking for NJG.

NJG: Luke, you have no understanding of lesbians. You think lesbians are what they do in porn movies. Incorrect. They don't even look like real dykes. I've never even seen any dykes that look like those chicks in porn movies that do girl girl scenes.

Brandy: Gay for pay, and I refused. I did not do one single lesbian scene... There are people who say I did because Nina Hartley went down on me, or Trinity Loren went down on me, but I never did...

Nina is very much by formula. She's been doing it a long time. Even when she speaks, she sounds like a recording of herself... She even says it the same way. There was a joke way back that all the guys had a pattern, oh god, oh god, oh god, repeat... Do this with the tongue, do this with the tongue. Do this with the dick...

NJG: I think in the longterm relationships, that is exactly what happens. If you even have sex after awhile...

Brandy: It was the very last thing that went out of my relationship with Stagliano. Sex was the one thing we had in common. Two years... My longest relationship...

NJG: I had two three-year old ones but I stopped having sex after a while. There's a lot of emotional pain with somebody and it gets to the point where I just don't want to sleep with you anymore...

Brandy: For me... I really want to have sex with you, but you don't deserve it.

NJG: You're like, I'm so mad at you, I really hate you... I don't even want to sleep with you... I see a faucet tap... At one point, I see it turned on at full force, nymphomaniac style... Then it depends on how much bulls--- they give you... If they give too much bulls---, I see the tap turn all the way off...

Brandy: I try not to use sex as a weapon anymore. If I want it, I get it. If I don't want, they don't get it. But usually I want it... I got my cat Kami to replace a guy.

NJG: We do a lot of things to replace guys.

Brandy: I think I made a good trade. She replaced Buddy Love [porn actor]. He was cute but he was also a crack addict.

NJG: Brandy, you have really bad taste in guys... But I do too.

Brandy: I don't generally have bad taste. It's just that someone needed me to let him stay the night so he could get on set in the morning... He never left...

NJG: Lukey, tell me more about John Decker.

Luke: He's smart. He divorced Roxanne Hall.

NJG: But he's a major player. He's like you.

Luke: Yeah, he Fs for a living.

NJG: But I don't care about that. I don't care if people F. for a living...

Luke: But if I do it with someone for fun, with someone I meet at synagogue...

NJG: No, I don't care about that because now I know that they don't mean anything... No one you do means anything.

Brandy: He wants a nice Jewish girl but he doesn't do anything to deserve a nice Jewish girl.

NJG: He's just not grown up enough...

Luke: I'm ready to settle down.

NJG: Well, I hope that you settle down with that woman because I want to go to Europe... We'll all go together. You can hang out and f--- her and we'll just hang out. And you have to pay for my pet sitter.

Brandy: Luke, you'd get a lot of press out of it...

NJG: A girl who is not working class like us. She is naive... Working class women will not put up with bulls--- for one second... These rich chicks take lots of bulls---. You don't see working class women getting plastic surgery for guys, except the ones in porno. Working class women are tough, they can spot a wolf....

Brandy: I'd like to meet her rich brother...

NJG: Me too...

Brandy: I'm willing to put up with quite a bit for someone who just makes my life more comfortable...

NJG: You and Luke. Hos. The both of you... I have more pride than both of you. I've had a really hard life. And everything I've done, I've worked for...

Brandy: I've been working since I was 16 and I deserve a few years off...

Luke: NJG, I thought you were raped at 16.

NJG: Like I couldn't have a job and be raped. And it was 13.

Luke: And you were incested at 12?

NJG: Yeah.

Brandy: I talked myself out of rape once... I was 18...

NJG: Well, when you are 13, it is really hard...

Luke: Especially when you really want it...

Brandy: At 15, I had a guy expose himself to me and to this day I'm amazed at how quick my mind worked... I just said yeah, so... This guy in a pickup truck pulled up along side of me and asked where a certain street was... I said it is a mile down that way... Then he pulled it out and asked, what do you think? He was stroking it. And I was like, so?

NJG: I would've gone, oooohhh, you're ugly...

Brandy: It looks like a penis, only smaller.

NJG: I had that happen to me when I was walking home from high school one night. There were tons of men in the bushes... And they were doing it. And I was so freaked out that I ran all the way home.

Brandy: This guy in a motorcyle pulled up ahead of me and starts digging in his trousers... When I got up there, I pointed and laughed and he covered up and went away...

NJG: Luke wants all the disgusting details because he has rape fantasies... Brandy, that is not unusual. That happens to every single chick on the planet.

Brandy: That is not the reason I turned into a porn star?

NJG: You turning into a porn star had more to do with rebellion...

Brandy: I was trying write a chapter about all the possible things that happened in my life that led me to porn... I ended up trashing it all because I didn't want to provide excuses for other people to say...

NJG: You should write that. Andrea would love that. She's a goddess.

Luke: She's an angry little bitch. She's a cunt. She needs to get raped...

NJG: I think you do, by a big ugly guy.

Brandy: A big ugly dyke with a strap-on.

No, Luke's ok... And this is off the record. I've had a very difficult time... And out of all the people in the industry who do all their preaching about looking after the kids, and keep supporting them, and everyone look out for each other and if anyone ever has any trouble, call these people, Luke was really the only one who was there. And he's so generally hated by the industry, I found it interesting...

NJG: I don't see why everyone hates him, it's just gossip.

Brandy: Because it's spiteful. That's why he hasn't changed my bio. I've asked him a million times. I even rewrote it for him.

11/15/99

Tabloid TV show Extra interviewed retired porn star Brandy Alexandre at her apartment Friday about her recent loss of job at Forest Lawn Memorial Parks.

"They were over here for hours," says Brandy. "I gave them so much stuff that I'm concerned they are just going to focus on porno.

"We shot the full interview about what happened. I was interviewed by Phil Shuman. Then we did some stuff over on my computer. Had my resume on screen and showed me typing. And then my website. We showed the credit roll for "Best Butt in the West," produced and directed by Brandy Alexandre. And I pulled out a whole box of my movies.

"After they left, I started thinking, 'they've got my computer website, my porn tape Best Butt, my porn collection... I think I gave them a bit too much on that side. They might just start out with all of that and say porn, porn, porn, porn... And then to Phil Shuman's question, 'don't they have a right to be concerned about their image?' It could turn out really bad. I'm worried about it.

"They seemed like friends. One of the grips that was here worked with Patti Rhodes on "Rainwoman," when I was a PA (production assistant). The camera guy was very friendly and the producer, a woman, was a doll. She thought it was all great. She took some movies with her. They're going to use a clip or two. She said, 'oh gosh, can I borrow these? For my husband?'

"Off camera they asked if I had pursued a lawsuit, and I said I had spoken to Gloria Allred's firm but they turned it down.

"I don't know what to think. It is going to air sometime this week."

Luke: "Just because they were nice, that doesn't mean anything. I'm nice to people too."

Brandy: "Yeah, and then you stab them in the back.

"I told the Extra crew before Phil Shuman came that when we do the reverse and the camera is on him: Several years ago.... You know I write a lot of complaint letters. I was writing too many of them so I had to balance them by doing something nice for someone else. I picked Phil Shuman when he was working for NBC News. And I sent secret admirer cards and left secret friend messages on his voicemail... So I told him on camera, 'years ago you received cards and messages from me... I was your secret admirer.' He seemed worried but when I explained why, that it was to counterbalance my complaints to other people, he found it funny."