Asia Carrera

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Bud Lee and his ex-wife Asia Carrera made the best selling film of mid-1996 A is for Asia where she shows off her newly augmented breasts, and for the first time takes facials and does anal.

The demure soft-spoken sex performer appears in 150 videos of dramatically varying quality. She generally saves her best work for big-budget features like Aroused, Backstage Pass, Satyr and Babewatch. Though most graceful in her sex scenes, rather than when she "acts," Asia longs to enter the mainstream TV and movie industry.

HEVG: "Asia Carerra has a perfect set of schnoops. Large enough to flop like a fish out of water when she gets f---ed, but small enough to disappear when sunk into someone's gaping mouth [before her '95 breast job]. Asia has been blessed with firmness from her sinewy thighs to her oblong ass to her cute, little pug nose. She's a splendid package whose mixed origins and button-fly pussy made her this month's prime glory hole."

If you look closely at Asia you'll notice her scars - physical and psychological. Her personal problems are as huge as her I.Q. - 154.

Born 8/6/73, Asia is a Leo. Her parents are immigrants - her mother German and her father Japanese. They beat her severely throughout her childhood.

Asia displays few social skills. Her only friends are Bud and a guy back in New Jersey who helped her survive high school in exchange for regular sex.

She only works a couple of days a month to avoid overexposure. Until setting up her web site in late 1996, this brilliant woman spent much of her time playing Nintendo video games.

Carrera's father worked as an actuary and her mother sold real estate. From age six on, Asia looked after the house and her three younger siblings. "Nobody believed me that I was being abused. I'd call John [not his real name] at three in the morning and ask him to pick me up. He would, but he'd also force me to give him blow jobs and other sexual favors.

"My classmates were only nice to me when they wanted to copy. I was the only Asian in the school. They called me "chink," "geek," "beanpole," etc.. By age eleven I stood 5'8 and was the tallest person in the school. I was an ugly kid."

Asia was a New Jersey spelling champion, and "held other embarrassingly academic titles… National Mathematics League, Spanish Honor Society, National Geography Olympiad winner… I was not an especially motivated child. I was an overachiever only through genetics and incredible pressure from my parents. They wanted me to go to Harvard and be a doctor or a lawyer, and I wanted to play piano and hang out with my friends.

"I was grounded for every B I got, and beaten for getting anything lower than that. I was not allowed to socialize, go to parties, because they said that there'd be time for that after I got into a good college.

"At age 16, my mother broke a coffee mug over my head and I ran away. I worked three jobs to support myself."

For several months she taught colloquial English at a college in Japan.

"After leaving high school, I worked seven nights a week as a go-go dancer while attending Rutgers University on a full academic scholarship."

At age eight, Asia began having sex with a girlfriend and the relationship lasted until she was 13. Carrera no longer enjoys lesbian sex. Asia lost her virginity to John at age 14, at the same time beginning heavy drinking. Her formula for getting through her high school was MB squared. That is, Midol, Benadryl and lots of beer.

"The girl was my best friend. We experimented with innocent 'doctor'-like games as kids, and as we got older, we gradually did more, until we'd done everything there was to do. At 13 she moved away, and that was the end of that.

"At 14 I lost my virginity to a guy in my biology class. He was 15, gorgeous, and had never given me the time of day before. I don't even remember how the whole thing came about, but he took his parent's car (he wasn't old enough to drive) and picked me up at 3am. We parked in a parking lot somewhere, did it at the speed of light (didn't feel a thing), then the cops pulled into the lot, arrested and our parents had to pick us up at the police station." (www.unchain.com, 7/98)

"When I was 14, I hung out with these guys looking at pictures of naked women. I wished that guys would look at me like that. I wanted guys to pay attention to me and say that I was pretty, which I wasn't. I wished that I could be a porn star."

At age 18, Asia had her first nose job ($4500) and got her cheeks lipo-suctioned. At age 20, she had her second, and best nose job. At the end of 1995, she got breast implants.

"When I was young, kids called me "Big Nose". I never forgot that, and as soon as I had some money, I got a nose job. I didn't like it so I had it done again."

Though manic depressive and addicted to alcohol, Carrera's fear of needles and distrust of psychiatrists keep her from therapy and using medication. Since childhood, she's attempted suicide every few months. Unsuccessful every time, her acts appear to be screams for attention.

Because she hates needles, Asia drinks for days before her required AIDS tests. Bud then holds her arm down so the nurse can draw blood.

"In high school I tried to hide that I was smart and pretended to be a bimbo." Asia keeps up this pretense with mixed success. Many in the biz dislike her, describing her as a stuck up bitch. "If Asia's so brilliant, then what is she doing in porn?" many ask.

When Asia began performing, she took books on physics with her to the set. But after getting teased, she switched to Stephen King novels. In addition to suspense novels, Asia and Bud also read on satanism - a fascination in Porn Valley where many believe that the enemy of their enemy is their friend. The thinking goes this way - "If Christianity hates pornography, and Christianity hates Satan, then Satan and I have a lot in common."

"I've always been an atheist," says Asia. "Science explains everything. There is no meaning in life except to be the best at something. If only I could be the best at something, perhaps my parents would love me.

"Religion is silly," says Asia. "When you're dead, you turn into a source for future flowers and plants.... I don't know what's on the other side of death and it scares me. Darkness and nothingness scare me. I'd rather face the miseries of my day-to-day life than turn into darkness.

Asia saves most of her money and invests it. She reads the Wall Street Journal every day and wanted to vote for Steve Forbes in the 1996 Republican Presidential Primary. Her preoccupation with financial security is an attempt to find emotional security after an abusive childhood whose physical and psychological scars have yet to heal.

Uncomfortable with other people, Carrera stays home most of the time, playing video games, working on her internet site and, when the mood hits her, practicing the piano. At ages 13 and 14, she performed on the piano at Carnegie Hall but her parents made her quit so she'd concentrate on more serious subjects. "My best friend won the piano competition the first year. I began playing the piano because she played but I could never compete with her because her mother was the best teacher in New Jersey."

Asia wants to star in an Amadeus-like porno. "It opens up in the 18th Century and I'm playing on a little piano, white powered wig and hoop skirt and I'm playing for the King and Queen of Austria in a huge Renaissance building. Then it switches to the present day where I'm a starving artist trying to get a job. Any time I get depressed it's because no one wants to give me a job. All they want to do is f--- me. But I have this secret world I can go to - the 18th Century where I'm in love with Mozart and we have a passionate affair."

Carrera writes science-fiction stories which she doesn't allow anyone to read. "I don't want to hear that they stink.

"I'm a perfectionist to such a point that it has crippled me. I can't do anything with anybody. I'm afraid to leave the house because I might screw up. I won't drive, pick up the telephone, do anything. It's crippling me. At some point I won't get out of bed anymore.

"I feel I'm useless and can't do anything when, in truth, there's nothing that I can't do. I aced every subject at school but I was never the best. I got 1440 on my SATs but I met someone who did better and I felt like crap. Every time I find out that I'm not the best at something, I don't want to do it anymore.

"I was surprised to win AVN's Performer of the Year Award [1994]. I have this nagging doubt that somebody bought me the award.

"I would bring home As to my parents and they'd say, 'But these are all low As. You can do better than this.' There was nothing that I could do that was good enough. It's still that way when I try to patch things up with my mom. I sent her a picture from A is for Asia. She called me up. "I got your picture."

I said, "Don't you think it's beautiful?" It was my favorite picture of me.

"She said, "Are you wearing a wig?" I said, "No, that's my hair."

"You look cross-eyed. Are you cross-eyed?"

"Forget it. There's nothing I can do to please them.

"I keep thinking that if I can be perfect enough, I can make my parents love me."

Asia doesn't like meeting fans. "Not because I have a problem with them, but because I'm so shy. I cry the night before and wish that I had never gotten into the business. When I get up in the morning, I drink shots of tequila or I couldn't say a word. Then I get out there and meet everyone and come home exhausted and hate my job. I cry again.

"When I make a movie, I see the same people every time. None of them stare at you."

Asia only smokes when she's nervous, such as during our interview. She uses 'girls' cigarettes, Capri, because "if you smoke Marlboros on the set, everyone will steal them. But no guy is going to smoke a Capri."

Before entering porn, Asia frequented bondage clubs in New York. "Every Saturday night my ex-fiance and I used to go to a place called The Vault. He'd get tied up and beaten by the resident mistress. She'd put him in handcuffs, blindfold him and then strip him. After that, she'd give him the whip. She'd walk around in circles and whip him and tease him. I'd sit there and watch.

"I was never a dominatrix. At home, I'm totally submissive. I like to be totally dominated by someone who's a lot stronger than I am. I enjoy not having any control over the situation."

Just after her 20th birthday, Asia shot a nude layout for Club magazine in New York.

She told the photographer she wanted to do adult films and he gave her Bud Lee's phone number in Los Angeles. A couple of months later, in December of 1993, Asia flew to LA. Because of a mix-up, no one was there to meet her. In tears, she ended up booking herself into a hotel that took advantage of her confusion by assigning her an expensive suite that she never used. Bud eventually found her later that day.

Asia also got f---ed on her first day on the set. Though she had sex with eight guys, her biggest screwing came from the production company Vivid which paid her only $800. Bud directed the shoot, but Paul Thomas signed the checks and, according to Bud, as a matter of principle Paul screws everyone for all he can get. Because of such shenanigans, Bud says he quit working for Vivid. Asia, however, never lets him forget the financial pounding she took on her porn debut.

"Paul Thomas is a challenge to work with," says Asia, "but I like his product. He loses his temper a lot on the set. He'd rather make R-rated movies, so he tends to degrade what we do. When something doesn't work out he screams "God dammit, it's just a f---ing porno movie, do it!

"For my first eight months in the business, I was known jokingly as "the unsigned Vivid Girl," because I shot more movies for them than any of their actual contract girls. The Vivid directors liked me because I was reliable and hard-working, and also got along with all the Vivid girls. PT and Bud urged Steve Hirsch to sign me early on, but Steve wasn't interested because I wasn't a beautiful blonde knockout like Janine, Kelly Jaye, Lene Hefner and Dyanna Lauren.

"All the girls at Vivid look the same. It makes things hard for them. Most guys seem to like blonde girls with big tits, but there's so many of them in this business it's hard for any of them to stand out - unless they're drop-dead gorgous like Janine. You see them come in the business and their hair gets blonder and their boobs get bigger, and eventually they all start looking alike.

"Because Steve Hirsch never visited sets or watched Vivid movies, my perfectionist-workaholic nature, eagerness to please, and reliably solid performances meant nothing to him. But when Vivid's boxcover photographer, art department and head of sales also started pushing Steve to sign me, he finally offered a contract in August [1993?] and I signed a 12-month deal for a minimum of eight movies. Steve was glad he signed me when I got a record-breaking ten AVN nominations, even though every one was earned when I was still the "unsigned Vivid girl."

"I wound up making 24 movies for Vivid that year, more than most of the Vivid girls make in their entire careers. I became unhappy at Vivid after six months. It would be difficult to convince me to commit to one company again. I think any girl with motivation, and a decent head on her shoulder, can do much better by freelancing and making her own career choices. (With the possible exception of Jenna [Jameson] and the massive Wicked PR Hype machine, which generates roughly the press coverage equivalent of a presidential candidate caught doing drugs with a gay lover a week before election day.) When a company has seven or eight girls, the promo gets spread thinly, since only one girl can star in the biggest production, or get to the best promotional gigs…

"Vivid mistakenly assumed that I would renew my contract without ever bothering to ask me, and I kept my mouth shut right until the end. My departure in the 11th month caught Vivid off-guard. They were stuck with a half-dozen unreleased Asia movies, while competing adult companies hastily churned out their own Asia Carrera movies, hoping to profit from Vivid's advertising dollars. The entire saga of my Vivid tenure is complicated with layers upon layers of misunderstandings, deceit, manipulation, back stabbing… My disagreements with Vivid were entirely unrelated to Bud's dealings with them, and out partings were several months apart." (RAME)

Shortly after entering porn, Asia appeared in a Playboy newsstand special under her real name Jessica Bennett, much to the chagrin of the company who found out only after the slick hit the stands. (Dick O'Stone) Playboy avoids porn girls, even requiring its models to promise not to do hardcore.

"I was shooting for Bud before he was my boyfriend," Asia told Hustler Erotic Video Guide in late 1994. "I was going with Tony Tedeschi and Bud directed us. Bud fell in love with me and started making things difficult for us. He threatened us with losing our jobs, so Tony and I broke up and I started going around with Bud. It's awkward at times. I don't want to do the same things with people at work that I do with him, because I don't want his feelings to be hurt. I don't want the scene to come out too good, because I fear that he'll get jealous.

"Bud chased me down until I gave in. I had no interest in him. I was perfectly happy with Tony. Bud broke us up. I was lonely, so now I'm with him…

"I come with every guy I work with. The only guy who couldn't make me come was Ed Powers.

"I made all these little rules - I don't want to do two guys, do toys, facials, interracial, blacks, anal....

"I get self-conscious on camera. The worst thing is when they tell me to get nastier. It's not like me to be nasty. I was raised to be classy.

"The only porn that turns me on is Andrew Blake or Cameron Grant. I want to see the beautiful girls and listen to nice music. Like Janine and Julianne in Blondage. You have two gorgeous girls, sensual and into other girls. Blake said if he could keep men out of scenes altogether he would, and so would I.

"I only have vaginal orgasms, not clitoral ones. Girls can't make me come."

Bud and Asia deplore the lack of non-Caucasians used in big budget porn. "I'm ok because I'm only half-Asian," says Asia.

But neither will put their money and reputation where their mouth is. If there was a huge unfilled demand for big budget productions with blacks, asians and other persons of color, you'd think Asia with her yen for money would produce them. But neither she nor Bud will take the risk. They want someone else to.

Even if Asia and Bud made interracial flicks, they'd still face the problem of distributing them. Porn distributors say they have a hard time selling interracial videos to cable companies and to the South.

Asia, like other leading porn stars such as Celeste, refuse on-camera sex with black men (though she did do Guy DeSilva and Steven St Croix, who appear half black). She says it'd upset the powerful bigots who dominate porn production and distribution, and reduce the number of her fans.

"I don't work with any of the black guys in our business because they all have dicks that hang down to their knees.

"I went to my high school prom with a black guy. I dated so many of them in high school that my friends called it my fetish.

"We're not allowed to work with black guys at Vivid because they can't sell such product to Playboy.

"If you're upset that I don't do interracial," Asia wrote via email to Mike Paul, "why don't you go piss and moan to all the magazines that refuse to use me as a cover model because I'm Asian. Why don't you nag all the people who've called me "chink." I've got enough people prejudiced against Asians without having to worry about promoting blacks in porno and saving the rainforests.

"I've never been asked to do a scene with a black guy, so I've never turned one down. If you make higher quality adult movies, it is a silently understood rule that interracial scenes do not sell to cable."

Cinesex is one of Asia's favorite movies. "Metro cheated me. They didn't nominate me for Best Actress or even Best Supporting Actress and I did 40 pages of dialogue.

"Right before the [AVN] nominations went out, Metro fired the guy... and replaced him with Tony Cleary who hadn't seen any of the product. He just looked at the boxes of the good movies and decided that whoever was on the cover was the star of that film."

Because of her experiences with Vivid and Metro, Asia wants to start up her own production company. "Get outside investors and make a movie for them promising X percentage of returns on the money they invested. They'll get to see the porn shoot..."

In ten years Carrera plans to be a stockbroker.

"I'm pacing myself. The pressure is always there to do too much too soon, but making that mistake can burn you out in no time. When girls do an all-anal gangbang on their first day, they practically guarantee themselves a short career. After that, what do you do for an encore? The price increases you get for holding out while you build a name for yourself are a reward for being patient, and not giving in to the crazy dash-for-cash or "get-famous-quick" stunts that burn out hundreds of girls every year after a few short months. Early in my career, I stupidly worked 35 consecutive days, made a buttload of cash, and wound up in the hospital.

"My boob job wasn't a career decision. I was scheduled for a boob job in New Jersey before a guy named Bud Lee asked me to fly out to LA for his shoot that week. Bud told me that natural boobs were a hot commodity, so I said I'd wait. Getting this job has worked wonders for my self-confidence. I wish I'd done it sooner. I don't dance and I don't get paid anymore for having two saline bags in me, but suddenly I love walking around topless at every opportunity.

"Silicone implants are filled with a silicone gel, and the bag itself is made of a resilient silicone jelly-like substance. Nothing but squishy stuff. As long as the girl doesn't build up scar tissue around the implants, her boobs will be soft and warm to the touch. It's only when a girl goes too big, that the boobs get that odd, shiny, two-circles-glued-to-the-chest effect that most men identify with boob jobs. The best jobs are the ones you don't notice."

"Every implant causes scar tissue," replied a RAME poster. "It's part of the process. It's a matter of how much scar tissue builds up (along with other variables). And it's not only when 'a girl goes too big' that the two circles glued to the chest effect occurs. Yours (as are many others) are two easily traceable circles (your left breast in particular has that appearance and absence of anything remotely resembling a natural "hang" or slope. The right one...better, but still obviously not natural). It's easy to tell. That and the incision marks under each areola... the ones that "will fade in six months" that are still there (substitute the scars underneath for that installation process). The best jobs are the ones that don't happen."

Asia says it "took me a year to screw up the courage to post [on internet newsgroups like RAME]. My first newsgroups trips used to make me cry - I'd never seen such mean things said about me (by people who'd never met me!), and I wasn't prepared for it at all. Curiosity kept luring me back every couple months, and eventually I stopped crying, and then I stopped even getting angry. I'm like a little robot now, completely jaded to their nastiness, and I'm finally mentally ready to take them on. My strongest weapon has always been my mind, so I need to be able to keep a clear head in these discussions, or I may as well walk in empty-handed with a target hanging on my butt."

A few days later, Asia moved out from Bud and filed for divorce. He remains her best friend. She posted on RAME 11/17/97: "Bud isn't particularly influential or powerful, nor is he hung like a horse. (Bud used to work as talent with Hyapatia in her earlier movies, so I'm not giving away any secret info there.) He's just a nice guy. Truly nice. He would never do anything spiteful or vindictive, would never tell me 'no' on anything I want to do, and has nothing but praise and support for me in all my efforts. He would also tell me daily that I was the most beautiful woman in the world, and he would willingly make me dinner or run errands for me while I worked online. In other words, Bud treated me like a princess, which was all I ever wanted. I don't want a guy who's rich, or handsome, or hung like a horse. I don't want a guy who thinks he's great, or a guy that all the girls want to steal away from me. I want a sweet, humble guy, who's content to sit at home with me, just one on one, for the rest of our lives together. It's sad that Bud and I didn't work out, but we're still very, very close, and we still spend a lot of time together. He just came over for dinner last night, and my boyfriend did the cooking. The three of us still work together on sets, and we're all good friends. P.S. Hyapatia and Bud had problems because she's a bitter, vindictive person who feels that the world owes her a living for hardships she endured when she was younger. Hyapatia is extremely spiteful, and becomes truth-impaired when it comes to getting what she wants. I had to ask Bud to make her page him instead of calling our answering machine, because I was afraid to check the messages anymore. The rants she would leave for him were... interesting."

On 2-16-98, Asia posted to RAME: "When I filed for my legal D.B.A. ("Doing Business As") name of Asia Carrera, part of the legal requirement was making the details of the filing public, by submitting my records to the newspaper of my choice. I picked an obscure little paper to run the classified ad, knowing that my birth name would be printed alongside my D.B.A. name. A week later, a man called me at home and tried to convince me to go out with him. He explained that he was a lawyer and a big fan of mine, and he had happened to see my D.B.A. posting. (He took it upon himself to hunt down my phone number.)

I was spooked by that, but not NEARLY as spooked as I was when I found him sitting outside my apartment in his car a few days later, just watching me. I locked all the doors up and called Bud, and the guy drove off. Two days later I was laying out by the pool, when I saw the guy sitting in his car AGAIN, just watching me. I asked a stranger who was tanning near me if I could sit with him until this guy left, because I was afraid to go back to my place alone. The guy sat in his car for TWO HOURS, in the hot August sun, just watching me. A couple nights later, the guy was caught standing in my backyard by the nighttime security guards patrolling the complex. That was the last I heard of him. The whole experience was extremely unnerving, and I shudder to think that any other girl in our industry might be forced to suffer the same fate - or worse - simply because a journalist thought it would help his porno-fluff article look a little more professional. A pornstar's real name is at best a piece of useless trivia for her fans - hardly worth the price of sacrificing a girl's safety and peace of mind. Even if nothing ever happened to 99% of the starlets after the press ran their real names, would you feel any better knowing that just one pornstar died at the hands of a stalker so your idle curiosity could be satisfied?"

Asia appeared briefly in the 1998 Cohen Brothers' mainstream film The Big Lebowski. PGSEV wrote on RAME: "I hope Asia isn't considering trying the Ginger Lynn/Traci Lords mainstream acting thing. It just doesn't work Asia! Stick with cocks up the ass, it's more your forte!"

Asia replied: "I'll tell you what. If you promise to buy all my porno movies and help pay my bills until I'm eighty years old, then I won't look into any other career opportunities. But until I get a signed contractual agreement from you stating this, I plan to pursue as many avenues of employment as I see fit."

In June 1998, Carrera wrote on her web site: "Why is it that people think celebrities are free game to attack, degrade, and treat in ways that they would never do to people they actually know? People seem to assume that celebrities have no feelings, and that they're just free game for jokes and insults. I mean, how many times have we heard that "Tori Spelling is ugly and can't act", "Richard Gere likes gerbils up his butt", and "Bill Clinton has made more women go down than the Titanic"... Hell, I've made my share of thoughtless and rude comments about random celebrities, but as my name gets more well-known, and I find myself under fire more frequently, I've made a resolve to stop ragging on people I don't know. Guess what, celebrities DO have feelings, and there's some mighty rude and classless people out there who make me cry with their thoughtless comments. People ask me what I think of the hubbub about me in newsgroups, and I tell them I don't know, and I don't care. (tip: contacting celebs to tell them you found nasty comments or vicious articles about them will NOT get you brownie points) I stopped reading newsgroups shortly after one charmer said of my role in "The Big Lebowski": "I hope Asia isn't considering trying the Ginger Lynn/Traci Lords mainstream acting thing. It just doesn't work Asia!!! Stick with cocks up the ass, it's more your forte!" I mean, what do you say to a comment like that? Let alone a dozen of them?

"Some people apologize when I ask why they make such hurtful comments, admitting that they just thought of me as 'some celebrity', and not as a real person with feelings. But others snipe back that I chose to be in the limelight, and therefore I "asked for it." I guess somebody needs to make a "Handbook for Aspiring Celebs" that warns about such pitfalls, because the concept of being famous was pretty vague to me as a college student back in New Jersey. The Handbook should also advise wanna-bes on how to deal with bad press, rumor-mongering, stalkers, hate mail, and all the other stuff they don't teach you in high school social studies class. I don't know how stars like Oprah and Madonna, or politicians like Bill Clinton can handle it all - maybe they're just stronger than me, because I just cry, and wonder if I should just take my site down and disappear. I have to keep reminding myself that there's many, many more people who DO like my movies and my website, and they'd be sad if I just quit, but it's not always easy for someone who's shy and sensitive."

Asia started smoking at 14, "and have smoked on and off ever since. I've never been a heavy smoker, maybe a pack every week or two at most. I smoke on sets to avoid eating, and to get extra breaks during shoots. If I ever have kids, I'll quit then. I hate the smell of smoke with a passion, because after two nose jobs, my nose can't filter out smoke, so I have to smoke outside, or in a well-ventilated room with open windows. I drive smokers nuts when I ask them to quit smoking around me, because they know I smoke too, but breathing smoke is painful for me, so it's got to be done where there's some sort of breeze." (www.unchain.com, 7/98)

From the California section of the 9/29/99 Wall Street Journal, Gerry Lim writes:

For those who believe money to be the only thing that's better than sex, adult-film star Asia Carrera could well be their poster girl. Aware that her career may have a short shelf life, Ms. Carrera, who gives her age as 26, has emerged as something of a financial guru. Indeed, she boasts of her investing prowess on her Web site -- as well as in the pen name she uses when writing X-rated scripts: Dow Jones.

"Buy and hold, buy and hold," Ms. Carrera purrs. The recent market corrections don't disturb her: "Everyone's looking for a secret trick to get rich quick in the market," she says, "but that's not investing -- that's gambling."

Ms. Carrera began accumulating her nest egg in the early 1990s while working as a topless dancer; she quickly embraced a conservative investment strategy. "My biggest goof," she says, was placing half her life savings -- "a couple of grand" -- in Latin American regional sector funds, only to watch the Mexican peso devalue and the market collapse. She pulled out before Latin America's resurgence. "I missed the ride because I didn't have the confidence to buy and hold," she moans.

12/7/98

SCSI Post editor Montel Bradford phoned me Friday about AVN’s nomination of Asia Carrera and her video Appassionata for Best Music. "AVN stated that Asia Carrera played all the piano in it. That’s not true. Bud and Asia know that’s my music. I produced and played all the piano pieces that she supposedly played because Bud Lee can’t mike a piano. He miked the piano by the pedals. Appassionata was the first thing I ever did in the industry and Bud wouldn’t pay me for it.

"I know this sonofabitch Bud. I’ve edited six movies for him including Looker and Intimate Strangers. I work for SCSI Post [post-production house]. But he doesn’t want to give us credit. I did the best music [in those videos]. Bud gives the credit to fictitious names…

"Bud is the most inept guy. He doesn’t think in advance and get good music. He wimps out. I quit working for him because he doesn’t pay on time.

"My music in Appassionata comes from a track I cut for a Chippendale movie which I produced and directed. I spent $200,000 on it. I put that same piece [of music] in a couple of other movies and they weren’t nominated. It’s instrumental Beethoven slowed down… A beautiful piece that I spent time on…"

Asia Carrera replies: "First of all, "Appassionata" was edited by J.P. at SCSi Post, not this schmuck. Second of all, he obviously has no idea who Bud is, because Bud didn't direct "Lookers" or "Intimate Strangers". Nic Cramer did. Third of all, I played the 3rd movement of Beethoven's "Sonata Pathetique", and the first movement of "Moonlight Sonata", exactly as Beethoven wrote them 200 years ago, so if this guy is claiming to have written those pieces, he needs to take it up with Ludwig, not me.

"I recorded the pieces on DAT tapes post-production, courtesy of Moonlight Studios in L.A., and we laid those tracks in over the actual live performance. The other piece I played (in the modern-day bar scene) was written by me, and performed live on film, from my own handwritten sheet music. I made a couple of mistakes in the song, but we chose to use the live track anyway, because we liked the overall effect. I can produce my handwritten sheet music from that bar scene - now I want to see him produce a "Chippendales Movie" with my song in it.

"I'm flattered that this jerk wants to take credit for my performance, mistakes and all, but he's concocted this story out of thin air, and it shows. If he wants to pursue this slander any further, I'll gladly challenge him to a live performance of Beethoven's "Sonata Pathetique" in a court of law, and then I'm gonna slap him with such a lawsuit that he'll spend the rest of his life wishing he'd taken piano lessons as a kid, instead of Wanking 101."

Somehow Asia missed the fact that I had printed her response to the charge, and she sent me this note Monday morning: "Where is my response? Why do I even waste my time talking to you? You are the most evil, selfish, ASSHOLE to ever walk the earth. I can't believe you went and posted that completely fictitious creation, knowing that it was a lie, without even printing my response. Thanks for making me cry twice in two days. I hope you're proud of yourself, you scum-sucking monster. Rot in hell."

5/23/00

On her excellent site www.asiacarrera.com, Asia ponders what to do with her post-porn life. She writes on her Bulletins page:

"I'm so tired of the media constantly hyping "porn's exploitation of women", and perpetuating that tired old cliche of pornstars as "helpless, naive young girls, enslaved by evil smut peddlers, and forced to perform lewd sex acts to feed 3 small kids and a drug addiction..." Puh-leeze! I've been here six years now, and all I have to say about THAT one is, 'Don't believe the hype!'. The REAL issue that adult film stars face after a few years in porn, actually stems from the exact OPPOSITE of all the exploitation malarkey. As I'm thinking more about what I'd like to do in my "post-porn" life, I'm realizing just how spoiled we girls really are in this industry, and how few occupations offer the flexibility, paychecks, and perks we enjoy here. People think pornstars do porn because they can't do anything else, but that's just another myth - most of the girls had 'real-world' jobs before they entered porn, and many even have college degrees. But it's extremely difficult for starlets to maintain the discipline or desire to return to that 9-5 rat race after enjoying the freedom and flexibility of pornoland's lifestyle. Pornstars make a lot of money for comparatively few hours' work, with no boss to answer to, no 9-5/mon-fri ritual, and the option to work as often or as little as they please. Perks also include invites to glamourous media and social events, travelling the world for signings and appearances, and lucrative ego-boosters like fan clubs, websites, and endorsements."

Curious writes: Luke, Was that a typo on Asia's website? Was it "I'm just realizing just how spoiled we girls really are in the industry ..." or "I'm just realizing just how soiled we girls really are in the industry ..." ?

Ms. Carrera is perpetually rationalizing her dubious career choice on her site. Now she's pointing out all the "perks" in her fabulous life: invites to glamorous media events (I cut the ribbon at Hustler Hollywood!), traveling the world for signings (Sure, if by the "world" you mean driving six hours to Vegas for the CES show and sleeping on Mad Jack's couch.), and lucrative ego boosters like endorsements (Endorsements for what? Astro Glide? Your own line of plastic vaginas?)

Spoiled? Who the hell is she kidding? Why can't she just say, "f---ing for a living beats working for a living." Right now she's at her peak in two more years she's going to be smiling into the camera with a bukkake bowl under her chin. Her face and hair glistening with the spunk of 78 parolees. Do you think she will still be thinking, "Oh, the glamour! I am so spoiled!"?

6/22/00

Asia Carrera Update

I surfed over to AsiaCarrera.com and read her bulletins page. Here are some excerpts:

6/9 I discovered too late that by catering to my shyness instead of trying to overcome it, I unwittingly allowed it to become a nearly paralyzing force in my life. I found out recently that I suffer from "Social Anxiety", the third largest psyche problem in the US (hey, I was greatly relieved to hear I'm not the only one struggling with this pain in the ass every day!!). I was also excited to read about a pill doctors have started prescribing for social anxiety, called "Paxil".

6/11 I've heard all I need to hear - although most users agreed that Paxil does help with depression, panic attacks, and social anxieties, I think any of those would be preferable to the battalion of side effects they endured! Over 80% of Paxil users mentioned a diminished sex drive and/or difficulty/inability to reach orgasm - cripeys, that's enough to make ME "just say 'NO'"! And the headaches, nausea, weight gain, lethargy, and decreased mental agility are all pretty good reasons too...

6/19 - I know it's long overdue, but I'm happy to finally announce the release of "A is for Asia" on DVD! It's a really high quality transfer, digitally remastered, with DTS digital surround sound, and lots of neat extras, like photo slide shows, new Asia interview footage, and other DVD-type bonuses.

Andy: dts is an expensive and very high end surround sound that works for a movie like the matrix or saving private ryan. WHY the hell would you need it for porn??? i mean, it's expensive

Curious writes: Would any Doctor seriously label a patient who f---s on camera as shy or socially phobic?

1/14/01

Asia Carrera writes: "Simon Wolf Productions and I have dissolved our contract and amicably parted ways. I am now a free agent again, and available for freelance work in high-budget adult movies. I will still be shooting the third installment of the Simon Wolf "Tail" Trilogy ("A Witch's Tail", "A Wolf's Tail", and "A Maiden's Tail"). Shooting for "A Maiden's Tail" is tentatively scheduled to start in late February."

Jenna Jameson Says Asia Carrera Speaks Out Of Her Ass

2/15/01

Jenna Jameson writes: Hey Luke, Did you see the Asia interview on stunningcurves.com? Sounds like someone is player hating. She’s obviously is speaking out of her ass. I work all day EVERY day on clubjenna.com. What a loser!

XSReality.com published this interview with Asia:

Question: Do you know any other porn girls that are into gaming? If so can you hook a brotha up?
Asia: Sorry, but I've never met another female computer geek who I could talk shop with in person, at least not in pornoland. Well, there IS Danni Ashe, but she's married, and she's never done any real porn.

Question: Who would win a 1v1 between you and Jenna Jameson?
Asia: Is this a trick question? The only way Jenna would beat me in a fragfest is if a big hairy trucker was sitting at her computer pretending to be her. (isn't that what most pornstars do when they want to simulate an online presence? Trust me, behind nearly every pornstar who claims to run her own site, there's a big hairy trucker who doesn't mind answering emails as a perpetually horny female...)

Jenna Jameson writes Luke: Ya know it’s true she knows A LOT more about computer stuff than I do. But, I am starting a site that I am 100% hands on. She just needs to do research BEFORE she opens her mouth!

Yes, I was active in the look and feel of www.clubjenna.com. Unfortunately I didn’t have the time to design and encode the site itself. Unlike Asia, I am still an active and DESIRED model. I’d like to see her try and design a site as complex as www.clubjenna.com. Never happen… Oh, by the way, Asia how's your Flash experience? That’s what I thought!

First of all, I take pride in NOT being a gamer. Second clubjenna.com has been in the works for a year. And, I’m sure she knew that. She needs to keep her big hairy trucker comments to herself. Don’t hate the player, hate the game, ASIA!

Asia Carrera responds: I'm not sure what Jenna is taking offense to. I simply said that there's no way she could beat me in a fragfest, because I am a dedicated gamer, and she says herself, she "takes pride in NOT being a gamer". So where's the argument there? Why the need for a venomous attack against me? Well, that's ok... she's Jenna - I'm used to it.

Jenna writes: Asia… This was not an attack. You implied that I have a fat hairy trucker posing as myself… Simple as that. I work too hard on my site to have the likes of you blabbing about things you know nothing about. Stick to your head back in your books and try not to speak out of turn… Thanks.

2/16/01

Asia Carrera writes: Oy vey, this is ridiculous! Jenna, I honestly was not "implying" anything. I said you couldn't beat me in an Unreal Tournament fragfest unless you got someone to impersonate you. A joke, but true. Then I added that pornstars are frequently impersonated online, and nearly all pornstar homepages are made by someone other than the star herself. Not a joke, but also true.

If you interpreted that as: "Anytime you see Jenna Jameson online, it's really a big fat hairy trucker, because Jenna Jameson has never used a computer, and she hires big fat hairy truckers to run her site", then I apologize sincerely, but that was not my intent. My interview was not actually about you at all, so you'll be happy to know that except for the one sentence where I mentioned you by name, I wasn't thinking about you, OR writing about you! Nope, no "player-hating" from me! (note to self: find out WTF "player-hating" is...)

Elsewhere in my interview I did say that it was entirely possible there were other pornstar computer geeks out there, but I personally did not know of any. You never told me you were running your site all by yourself now, and you've even learned the difference between Flash and File Transfer Protocol... Congratulations! It seems like just last June you were still sending out e-mails using all capital letters, and now I see your site is already ranked #347,654 according to Netscape/Alexa. Very impressive...

p.s. one question: why do you always refer to yourself in the third person on your site, and who are 'webmaster@clubjenna.com', 'support@clubjenna.com', and 'meni@clubjenna.com'? Doesn't that get kinda confusing when you're actually doing it all yourself?

Jenna Jameson writes: I wish you would listen, Asia. I said that I DID NOT build my site myself... I do however spend most of the hours during my days at home at my clubjenna offices,updating my photos,diary and everything else that requires my PERSONAL attention. I have quite a few people that work for me and help me with all the tech stuff I don't know about. I know you have people that work for you also (enter me2). Which means nothing, all that really matters is that both of us care enough about our fans to take a hands-on approach to the internet.

In address to your comment about my ranking... according to netscape. Remember clubjenna.com only launched about a week ago... How long has your site been up? Funny I haven't looked at it in a while because it always looks the same. Maybe YOU should think about rectifying that before you play another one of your silly computer games...

What Happens To Porn Stars When They Retire?

7/15/01

Here's an excerpt from Asia Carrera's Bulletin page from her excellent site AsiaCarrera.com. She's 27 years of age and wondering about what she will do when she leaves porn:

Y'know, one of the questions that I get asked a lot by fans and reporters alike, is "what happens to pornstars once they've retired from porn?". That's a damn good question, because after 8 years in this business, I still don't know the answer! Some say the girls get married and go on to lead quiet lives as housewives and/or mommies... others suspect the girls just keep moving down the ladder of seedy sex-related occupations as they advance in age... who knows? I don't, but I've been thinking about it more often these days, as I hear the clock tick-tick-ticking away on my 'fifteen minutes of fame'. (I'm 27 now, and I anticipate retiring from porn around 30, which may seem a long ways away, but when I look at how fast the last 8 years have flown by, 30 is alarmingly close at hand!)

Thinking about retirement scares me, because one thing about this business - it does give the girls extremely unrealistic expectations from life, because we get so spoiled here! It's going to be very hard to adjust to the harsh realities of working in a 'post-porn' career. Considering the age and education level of most porn starlets, we get paid ridiculous sums of money for working maybe 10-15 days a month (granted, we get worked to death on those days, but still, it's pretty sweet having the rest of the month off to do as you please!). Now how many jobs do you think offer such generous pay and flexible hours to girls in their 30's (or even 40's!) who have nothing on their resume but 'Pornstar'? Hmmmm... yup, that's what I thought. What's really scary is how quickly some of the girls start believing their own hype, and acting like the 'superstars' they think they are - throwing tantrums, making outrageous demands, and just being bitchy divas on the set and on the road... What a reality check they're gonna get one day, when they discover that "Middle-Aged Ex-Pornstar" just doesn't demand the same level of butt-kissing they've become accustomed to! (Luckily for me, between my avoidance of public appearances, my harshly self-critical nature, and the godawful pre-porn pics I carry in my wallet to keep me modest, I've managed to keep both feet on the ground - I'm fully aware that having sex on film doesn't rate all that high on the "Career Prestige-O-Meter", and if we actually WERE stars, we wouldn't all be unemployed has-beens by the time we're 35!) I wish somebody would compile stats on post-porn careers so I can see what sort of choices my peers made, and how well things worked out for them. Yeah, I'm sure some of the stories didn't have happy endings, but I'm interested in the ones that DID! I want to know if they were able to adjust their mindset to accept longer hours and less pay in a rigid corporate structure, or if they discovered lucrative alternatives, perhaps moving behind the cameras into production or distribution, or even self-employed in a non-porn industry... While I'm confident that my geek powers will keep me gainfully employed post-pornoland in one way or another, the stock market's abrupt decimation of my retirement portfolio in recent months has caused me more sleepless nights than I'd like to admit!

7/18/01

Truth In Journalism

Heather Barron writes: I hesitated to write this when I saw your post yesterday because I certainly don't want to be labeled a basher. Asia Carrera is drop dead gorgeous and her fame is well deserved but I hate it when women lie about their ages. Why can't people just be real and self loving? Men love women of all ages.

My guess is Asia is in her early to mid 30's. I'm expecting some harsh comment but I'll take the heat. Asia should worry less about what she'll do when she retires and more about why she feels she needs to life about her age. Luv, Heather, turning 33 this November

Asia Carrera replies: Oh please, that's just silly! I always respected Heather's comments before this, because she gave the impression she had a good head on her shoulders with her thoughtful, introspective writings. But I'm completely taken aback by this groundless accusation. why on earth would I bother lying about my age, when I've had to provide two forms of ID on every shoot I've done since day one? It's a matter of public record that when I started in porn I was still a 2nd-year student at Rutgers University, and not even old enough to drink yet.

I found it ironic that even after I'd made several XXX movies, Bud Lee had to sneak me into my first CES show, because you had to be 21 to enter. It seemed pretty stupid that I was old enough to be MAKING smut, but not old enough to be LOOKING at it... but i digress. Please, ask Heather why she wouldn't at least ASK me about my age first, before deciding to label me a liar? I don't lie. I live my life like an open book, because honesty is always the best policy, especially when you're in the public eye. It would be sheer stupidity to try and rewrite history on a website with 10,000 hits a day, knowing that everyone from Luke F-rd and my pornoland peers, to ex-boyfriends and highschool classmates drops by to see what I'm up to - believe me, if I ever tried posting any b.s., I'd be caught out in a heartbeat!

Heather Barron writes: Per Asia/s Filmography on her web site www.asiacarrera.com, Asia indicates that her first movie was in 1993, 8 years ago, that would means she filmed first at the age of 19. She also says she's done 250 films in 8 years, that would make for 31 films a year. Technically, what was Asia's first film and how old was she when she made it? If she's skimming 3-5 years, she could have been making films as a minor.

JRob writes: It is refreshing that the blank, clueless look in Heather Barron's eyes in her photographs isn't just acting.

Barbie Dahl writes: Ok, Asia is 27, that's the truth. But what i find interesting is that she has the audacity to say:

"What's really scary is how quickly some of the girls start believing their own hype, and acting like the 'superstars' they think they are - throwing tantrums, making outrageous demands, and just being bitchy divas on the set and on the road..."

How dare she accuse "others" for doing the very things she quite noted for doing. "Bitchy Diva" is an accurate description of Asia. Pretentious, self righteous, and condescending also do her justices. You know, I have seen her ID's. What I want to see is a copy of her alleged 1560 SAT.

Me2 writes: Why does Heather feel the need to exacerbate her ignorance? Asia's birthday is August 6, 1973. The first porno she shot was "The Swap 2," filmed in 1993, released in 1994. Heather's groundless insinuation that Asia lies about her age, and that Asia pulled a "Traci Lords" by working as a minor is utterly disgusting.

Barbie, it's 1440 on Asia's SATs. And I have no idea how you could have possibly formed your hostile and erroneous opinion of her. Asia is completely self-deprecating and grounded in real life. She holds in high regard her professional reputation. She learns her lines. She doesn't flake out on shoots. The only trouble Asia could have possibly caused is crying to herself for a brief moment after some director or producer throws a tantrum her way. Asia is not condescending and extends to others the full respect they deserve. Yes, Asia is smart, but she doesn't smother you with her accolades. She does however have to respond when people repeatedly demand "if you're so smart, prove it."

Amber@EroticVideos.com writes: My records show that Asia was born August 6, 1973, that means she is 28 years old. We got this information from Vivid some 4 years ago.

Dianne writes: Hi Luke, A friend got me hooked up to your site. I like it, but I don't know why you give Heather Barron the time of day. I've tried to find info on her but I can't find any, other than her self serving website. What's the deal?

Luke says: Heather's whacky and interesting, a multi-dimensional escort, porn star and script doctor.

Heather Barron writes: I heard Houston claim on a Stern show a while ago, that she was in her late 20's when it was pretty darn obvious that she had to be around 40 but nobody even questioned it. They were more concerned about having her come back on the show so they just overlooked the whole thing. I feel the need to question most things, but that's just me. If Asia is 27 and has done that many movies, more power to her!

If Tracy Lords was required to present 2 forms of IDs before shooting and that is the absolute rule, then why did we find out otherwise? Because there is profit to be made, some things might get "overlooked". We already know the HIV test thing has its flaws. If my questioning, helps protect one girl that is being taken advantage or improves the system so that porn is healthier, that minors don't get hired and sex always involves protection/condoms, then it's worth doing. I don't want to see a profitable industry at the cost of young girls who are easily influenced by older guys looking to live off them. And as much as the industry might not like me saying it, porn is often, but not always, a business of preying off the self esteem issues of young women, taking its cut like a needle to their veins, getting them in a situation of payouts (high maintenance lifestyle, plastic surgery, money going out the window faster than it comes in...til in a few years, most girls have nothing) and then disposing them for fresher meat. I know Asia isn't one of that set and I'm glad. Asia, please do consider that I am trying to question things with good intent, regardless of benefit a manufacturer, a distributor or a production house. There are people behind this animal and motivation will separate the smut from the art. Finished product is only as good as its integrity. I'm surprised Extreme is still around.

Director Roy Karch writes: Regarding Asia...she's the consumate professional. If there were more like her, you'd have much less to write about.

Sean writes: Hi Luke, I attended Rutgers College from Sept. 1990 until I graduated in May 1994. I can say that she did attend the school while I was there. She has posted pics from that period on her site and I used to see her around every so often. I didn't know her and I am sure she wouldn't remember me, but I do remember seeing her. I was born on Dec. 25, 1971 (too late to start school with everyone else from '71, so I went in with the '72s) and I will be 30 in Dec., so a 1973 B-day is quite reasonable for her.

7/27/01

Asia Carrera writes on her excellent web site: "Once you become a public figure in any capacity, it seems that the basic rules of common courtesy no longer apply to you, as people freely offer their opinions and criticisms on every aspect of your life from who you're dating, to how much you weigh. Would you stop a stranger in the grocery store to say they should lose a few pounds and lay off the twinkies? Of course not! But you wouldn't believe how often I hear unsolicited comments along those lines from people I've never met before! Recently I decided to stop going to my local grocery store, because I wasn't amused by the star-struck store manager telling everyone who I was every time I went in there. When I overheard a security guard sniping, "Guess she's not doing THAT well - look, she's buying lottery tickets!" I decided it was time to take my business elsewhere! But most of the time I just kinda grin & bear it, like at my favorite computer megastore, Fry's, where it seems like everyone in the store is on 'Asia-alert' whenever I stop in."

Asia Carrera Reminisces About History Of XXX Net
2002-11-05 09:53:19
Asia Carrera of www.asiacarrera.com writes: I do miss the 'good old days' when sites were few, traffic was plentiful, and awards were easy to come by! (I still keep my trophies from the various shows placed prominently on a shelf in my living room, including the one that Lee Noga accepted while pretending to be me at the Florida show LOL!)

Back then it was exciting to be a webmaster, because we had the rest of the world fooled into believing that webmastering was this phenomenally difficult task requiring in-depth study of voodoo magic and other mysterious skills that only the geekiest of geeks could even BEGIN to comprehend.

And best of all, the mainstream press bought every word of the hype, so we constantly had newspaper, magazine and tv reporters knocking on our doors and begging for interviews. (I probably got more publicity out of the two 'women of the net' E! channel specials they kept re-running to death, than my entire porno career had gotten up until that point!)

yep, those were the good old days! now, i'm sad to say, being a webmaster seems a lot more like - dare i even say it? - WORK. blech!

well, i gotta go - i've got photos to tweak, updates to do, and emails to answer... *sigh*... a webmaster's work is never done!

Lee Noga writes: Folks, Asia Carrera was one of the 1996-1997 YNOT members, and this woman to us was a hardworking webmistress. We never thought of Asia as anything but a webmaster despite a lucrative career in film :-) She was to us the first celebrity webmaster that actually DID HER OWN HTML, SITE MAINTENANCE, GRAPHICS etc and was the SITE CONTENT and also had to deal with her fans.

People always want to think Danni from Danni hardrive was the first celebrity and that is because she has gotten alot of ink, TV airtime and built her site into a multi-millions with staff. Welp, Asia was was the first and she had no staff BY CHOICE, and did it all herself.

Once Asia and I were talked to by Jenny Jones talk show about coming on as women who deal in porn. Producers called me and it was a go, the date was set, then the high powers of Warner Brothers axed it thinking their sponsors would drop if this show aired. Asia and I agreed we would do it, if they brought us both on [LOL]....now that would have been fun! Two outspoken woman knowing they probably think Asia was this dizzy, ditzy adult star....typical stereotyping.. I so wanted Asia to go in front of millions and change this stereotype! She is a 10,000 pound gorilla when it comes to "Buttkicking" her famous adjective.

Asia who was that other TV mainstream celeb we had as a YNOT member, that had like a single page website, never participated? She was eventually dropped from the YNOT member family because she sent no traffic to the other members.

AVNOnline had webmaster awards and a separate banquet, black tie preferred. Webmasters liked that concept because it gave them a reason to dress up. Glamour, limo's, fine dining, and expensive to get into event.

Radical personalities wearing suits! It was worth its weight in gold, and of course we all laughed at ourselves, but it was nice because it reminded some, "We had arrived"...just like Asia had mentioned in her post.

We all know webmasters go to shows for the free wardrobe shirts we live in full time. Not to mention the "underwear" webmaster who has not gotten dressed in clothes in so long they cannot find them when they have to do the real life thing!

The AVN webmaster awards had a short life, and Sharpie created the "Peoples Choice" awards, and that too was a short lived award idea.

Asia Carrera writes: lee, i believe the non-participating celebrity ynot member you referred to was playboy model lisa boyle.

i remember the first time i met rick from ynot in person - he was starstruck, but so was i! he was an entreprenurial geek idol in my eyes! so we both did a lot of staring at the floor and kicking imaginary dirt when we were introduced, it was pretty funny!

Brad Shaw writes: Award shows ended for good after FM threw a huge fit over RJB winning an award in Montreal. Ever since then, they have not supported a fay show. And AVN is too afraid to piss anyone off.

Duc Surrenders To His Crush On Asia Carrera
2002-11-06 20:43:22
Wherein our gentle author exceeds all bounds of journalistic propriety and tries to take advantage of his position as Editorial Director of Setgo.com to hit on Asia Carrera, the thinking man's porn star.

Duc has had a crush on Asia Carrera (www.asiacarrera.com) for his many years in the biz. He's long felt jealous that she gets more hits to her website than he does to his (even though he boasts an online Masturbation Diary and she doesn't).

So this week Duc finally got up the courage to send her a polite email inquiry about a thread on www.theeroticreview.com discussing whether or not this handsome lady was available for escorting. One answer said yes, but for platonic escorts only for $10k an evening.

Asia replies: "Oh don't be gay! I don't even do public appearances if I can help it - why the heck would I be out escorting with complete strangers? Ugh, perish the thought! Happily, I don't even have to bother responding to the thread though, because I see my loyal assistant dictator has already 'been there and done that.'"

Luke: "Uhh, then, would you be available to have lunch sometime. For strictly professional reasons, swapping stories and such."

Asia replies: "I'm flattered that you find me interesting enough to warrant taking out so you can pick my brain, but doesn't that contradict with your belief that pornstars are a bunch of flaky heathen bimbos who are morally bankrupt and can't be trusted? LOL! I'd like to think that maybe I inspired you to reconsider your opinion, but one never really knows WHERE they stand with you. For all your blatant up front honesty about who you are and how you think, you're STILL impossible to read! (hmm, now I understand how some of my fans feel about ME! LOL!)"

I think that was a knock back.

Duc then finds out about this date a porn star game where he can win an evening out with Asia Carrera. He inquires of Asia if she is really participating.

Asia replies: "Yeah, it's not exactly my idea of a good time, but they 'made me an offer I couldn't refuse', so to speak. I'm just looking at it as a mini-public appearance, which is basically what happens anytime I out go to a store or restaurant in makeup anyway. I ALWAYS get recognized if I go anywhere with makeup on, so I can only thank my lucky stars that I look completely different without makeup! But if they're paying all the other girls as much as they're paying me, I may never actually have to go on my 'date', 'cause I believe I'm the last girl slated, so they could quite possibly be out of business by then. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but in this business, it's not that far-fetched a concept.

"Damn, it sure is a pain in the ass writing emails to you. I have to double and triple-check every one of my words while carefully considering the potential repercussions of my words being posted for the public to see. It would be nice if i could at least rely on you to ask permission before making my emails public knowledge, but I'm not sure I'd believe you even if you DID promise! :P But on the other hand, I do have you to thank for teaching me (the hard way) to always think before I type, because the joys of digital information mean anything I say in an email or a chatroom can come back to haunt me for the rest of my life. So I'm always careful to watch my butt by maintaining a politically correct tone, and that's a lesson all celebrities do need to learn eventually, so I thank you for that."

Duc replies: "This is hilarious. I was just asking you about escorting. Fast Eddie wrote on the thread that you will do it platonically for about 10k. Then you said, are you crazy? I am socially phobic, would never do it, platonically or otherwise. Now what you are doing is about the same as that $10k platonic escort. I am making no judgment of you here. It's just funny because you say you feel so shy with strangers et al. I would've sworn you would never do anything like this. Damn, maybe I will have to enter this game after all."

Asia replies: "Well, call me naive, but I always thought 'escorting' was just a euphemism for 'high-class hooker'. I didn't know there WAS really such a thing as 'platonic escorting', but I wouldn't be interested in doing that either. Anything that involves me going out alone with a stranger is not going to happen, period. I okayed this particular gig because (a) it does pay well, (b) it will be chaperoned the entire time, and (c) hopefully I'll be getting some p.r. from doing this, and that's the name of the game in this business!

"I know some girls don't see any difference between making movies and hooking, but to me there is a big difference. I feel safe and in control on a set, but hooking means you're all alone with a stranger who you did not choose to work with, so you could wind up having sex with the Hunchback of Notre Dame, or even worse, stuck in a scary situation with a complete psycho! Another thing to keep in mind is that every movie I do increases my marquee value and notoriety a little more, whereas hooking has no such benefits - in fact, it lowers your market value in many people's eyes. So I'll just stick to doing legitimate adult work, thank you very much!

"So does that clarify my reasoning a little better for ya? hugs, Asia"

Luke: "Do you think I might be gay?"

Asia replies: "Can I post that on my website?? LOL just kidding!

"But what a bizarre question. Maybe i missed something you said in the past, but what on earth would suddenly make you start wondering if you're gay? There's really only one criteria needed to answer that question though - do you find yourself more sexually attracted to men than women? Then you're gay. If you find BOTH sexually attractive for various reasons, then you're bisexual. If you'd screw anything that moves regardless of sex, I have another word for that - omnisexual. Sooo... which is it? hugs, Asia"

Duc writes: What if you are only attracted to women but want to cut out their nipples and naughty bits in Photoshop?

Asia replies: that's not gay at all. just seriously sexually repressed. in lieu of a more scientific explanation, i'll just leave it at this: "you've got issues, dude!" don't you see a shrink already? you oughta bring this topic up at your next session. i bet they'll have a field day trying to analyze the freudian motivations behind your odd hang-ups regarding sex and sexuality! hehehe!

Asia Carrera: 'Why I Do Porn Even Though I'm Very Bright And Could Have Done Anything I Wanted'

By Asia Carrera

I got awfully tired of telling this over and over, so I'm telling it for the last time - here it is.

OK, we all know I was an academically gifted little girl. What I don't publicize, is that I was not an especially motivated one. I was an overachiever only through a)genetic luck, and b) incredible pressure from my parents. My parents wanted me to go to Harvard and be a doctor or a lawyer, and I wanted to play piano and hang out with friends.

...The next day I took a bottle of vodka and got myself hired at all the local go-go bars. I then proceeded to work seven nights a week, and I saved a minimum of $1000 every week, and sent it off to various mutual funds. (ever hear of someone who still has the first dollar they ever made? That would be me!)

...As one of the highest paid dancers in NJ, I searched for a way to get paid even more money dancing. I discovered that girls who made movies or magazines got paid more than regular 'house girls' like me.

For years, I invested only in mutual funds, but finally I gathered the courage to buy some baby Berkshire shares right before the tech collapse. Go Warren!

...And when I die, I'm leaving behind a trust fund to provide help and shelter for abused and homeless children, so a little piece of me will live forever!

Asia Carrera's Husband Dies In Car Crash

She writes on AsiaCarrera.com:

06/11/06 - ...and the fairy tale comes to an end. The police just left my house. Don [Lemmon] was driving home from a business meeting in Las Vegas, and he got into an accident and rolled the Jeep. He's dead. He's never coming back to me. My husband, my soulmate, my other half, the one I was meant to grow old with. I'm almost 8 months pregnant with a son he will never get to see, and I have a one year old daughter who will never be able to remember anything about her father... and he was such a GOOD father to her, she was such a daddy's girl you wouldn't have believed it! Now she'll just have to take my word for it when I tell her how much daddy loved her, because she's too young to remember him for too much longer. Oh god, how that breaks my heart. How am I going to go on without him? How am I going to get a job at almost 8 months pregnant, with a one year old baby??? I couldn't go back to porn even if I wanted to, I'm much too huge. My ex-hubby, Bud Lee, is driving out here in the morning with another good friend of mine, and they are going to help me get through this. Somehow. If anyone wants to make a charitable donation to a pregnant widow who doesn't know how she's going to raise these two babies on her own, there's a spot on my sales page where you can donate up to $100. If anyone wants to send more than that (I'd be forever grateful!), you can use my Paypal Account, to address asiac@asiacarrera.com (that's asiaC@, not just asia@). I trust that no one out there is heartless enough to misuse that email address at a time like this. Oh god how I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. My life went from being a dream come true to hell on earth in just an instant. Please keep me in your thoughts and send me strength! I've got to get through this for my two little babies, otherwise I swear I'd have nothing to live for anymore. But I have no choice, I will do the best I can for Catty and Devin, somehow, some way, I must...

I asked Bud [Lee] & friend to stop at the Clark County Coroner's office on the way here from LA as they pass through Vegas, to pick up Don's belongings and anything from the truck... they were told that the truck was strewn over 300 yards, wheels here, axle there... he rolled across so many lanes the truck was just disintegrated... there was an RN (registered nurse) in the car behind him, she tried to help Don, but there was nothing she could do. I can only hope it means he died quickly and maybe painlessly? It just breaks my heart to see Catty's smiling face now, knowing she has no daddy... I show her pictures of Daddy and say "who's that, Catty?" and she shouts "Dadn! Dadn!"... I'm going to have to do that with her every day so she never forgets her daddy. Oh please give me the strength to get through this, somehow... we had no life insurance, I have no car now, no job, no income, I'm pregnant, I have a one-year old baby... this is not how my life was supposed to go. What wouldn't I give to go two days back in time and just hold Don again and never ever let him go...

I traded a lot of friendly email with Don Lemmon (from Newton Falls, Ohio) in 2003 and 2004. We were going to meet but it never happened.

Don writes me Oct 29, 2003:

Asia's BF (what a great job really, hours are convenient, pay is good, plenty of overtime, the perks ROCK)

Hi Luke, What's up dude? You asked if I were a religious man, the answer is, only if my Dictator allows me to be, which isn't often, or is it? The regular evening chants include, Hail To The Dictator, Raise Your Glasses To The Euro-Asian Goddess, and on select evenings I run through a medley of The Savior Has Come, and the Don Ho favorite, Tiny Bubbles. Now tell me something, what is with this woman's obsession over having a cyber-church? I personally feel it would be a much better idea to work on a grander scale of possibly a group gathering where the mignon drink kool-aid, where kilts, bask in the Guyana sun, and of course put us in their wills... I don't know, seems like a pipe dream at this point. I haven't much direction outside of being bossed around these days anyhow. Ever tried carrying a porn star's makeup case and wardrobe bag when a hillside fire is nipping at your heels? It ain't easy work. Oh, hey, would you be willing to donate your hovel to our cause? Think about it... Anyhow, besides that, I met Asia delivering her pizza. She answered the door naked, and well, you know the rest... Love your work by the way (yes, I know it, saw you on VH-1 last week too),

I am on the fence over who or what caused the big bang or whether someone else snapped fingers to raise the dead.... I was however brought up Christian but am not Christian... If that makes sense... Yourself?

Asia loves to try and drag me into religious debates but we always end up physically wrestling rather than verbally wrestling, so that works. Thanks for the email exchanges, I get a kick out of meeting her friends...

>Do you agree that pornography is destroying the moral fabric of our society?

I think that guy who owns the 3 block plot of land above Sunset that also owns the Pizza Hut empire is to blame. We would be in a better position to blame porn if so many Americans weren't too fat to find their naughty bits.... Yourself?

>Don... Good to hear from you... It sounds like Asia has got a prince...

She's my queen without a doubt.... If you ever need anything, let me know....

David Bezemek writes Don Lemmon and CCs me on Oct 30, 2004: "Hey if you're into health, why would you have a asian porno star for a girlfriend?"

Don replies: "The fact that you have 'seen' her do anything says it all... So how can you judge a person for what they do when you so willingly watch what they do... Thanks for emailing.... Does this mean I am a better man than you? No, but I also do not stick my foot in my mouth when attempting to frazzle someone either..."

Don replies to me Nov 10, 2003: "I do believe in God, I am just not sure which one to pick!"

No Funeral For Don Lemmon

She blogs on AsiaCarrera.com:

06/12 - Trying to pull myself together and take care of business today, put Don's bank accounts on hold (his ATM and credit cards are impounded with the destroyed vehicle and I don't know who can get to them), talked to some of his business partners about trying to keep his business continuing without him somehow, and I made a down payment on a nice little used car with a new car seat for Catty so we can get around town and try to take care of things the best we can. I'm using the money in the paypal account to buy this car, so I thank each and every one of you who donated money from the bottom of my heart. Please, if you can spare it, I have no pride, I'm scared and I'm asking for your help - please donate a lot or a little to me, Catty, and my unborn son Devin, due August 11th, to my Paypal Account, use address asiac@asiacarrera.com (that's asiaC, not just asia). I'm so scared that I won't be able to handle this newborn baby all by myself, along with Catty... I'm socially phobic, living alone in a state where I know nobody, afraid to leave the house by myself, without Don... every day is going to be such a huge struggle for the rest of my life. God this whole thing just breaks my heart, what happened to the perfect family I had a week ago? I was so in love, I woke up each day grateful to have such a good life, and in an instant... it's all gone. Don, I miss you, I need you, I don't know how I'm going to do this alone... *cry cry cry*

Asia Carrera blogs:

06/13/06 - I am having him cremated and his ashes sent to me. I want to keep him in my house, close to me, where I can talk to him and feel him nearby. I have not contacted the press about his death, nor do I plan to. That is really the last thing I want to deal with right now. If you feel a pressing need to confirm his death for yourself, you can call the Clark County Coroner's office in Las Vegas and ask about my husband, Donald Lemmon. I am not going to post the phone number on here because they already called once yesterday asking who "Asia Carrera" was (they only had my birth name on file) and why they were getting so many calls about my husband. Thank you to all my fans who are supporting me through this, you mean more to me than you will ever know.

Don't Donate To Asia Carrera?

Mr Soul writes on GFY:

I feel bad for her loss but I'm really getting sick of these pornstars wasting their money while having KIDS and no insurance, in a country where having insurance is probably the most imporant aspect of adulthood, especially when you're a parent. I would live in a f---ing one bedroom appartment in the ghetto before going one day without health and life insurance. I know guys who work jobs making way less than she does who support their famillies and have insurance. They just don't have nice cars, fancy clothes, big screen TVs, expensive vacations, etc. I feel sorry for her loss and I feel terrible for two kids who have to grow up without a dad, but I don't feel sorry for her financial situation. I'm angry at her and her late husband for being such irresponisble parnets and blowing thousands of dollars on themselves before protecting their children. Don't donate money to this women. Send your money to a war widdow in some devestated African country who have never had an option of protecting their children. There are billions of people on this earth who have never had a chance at a good life, and could use your money a lot more than she could.

Nismo writes: "Am I suppose to help someone who has probably made millions in the porn industry? I think its in bad taste to immediately start asking for donations when your spouse died that same day. I know she is probably not in her right frame of mine and might be in shock, but still I will not be donating."

GatorB writes: "He was a fitness guru and 37 so I'm sure his life insurance would not have been that expensive. If you can afford fancy cars, motorcyles, boats, houses etc then you can afford life insurance and health insurance."

Carlos Martinez writes June 12, 2006 for AVN:

Lemmon was returning to his Utah home from a business trip when he rolled his Jeep across several lanes of traffic on a highway, apparently killing him instantly, his wife said on her Web site Sunday. She could not be reached for comment.

According to police, the single-car accident took place around 9:30 Saturday night near Las Vegas.

Bud Lee Writes Freepornstarpix.com:

Hello, my name is Bud Lee. I would like to set you straight about Asia Carrera. I have just spent the most diffiicult 3 days of my life trying to comfort Asia. Don is dead. I have been with the coroner, gone through the wreckage and been helping her as much as I can. I know I will not be able to stop the pain she is in, but being here and loving her is the best I can do. If the best you can do is act the way you are and say what you have been saying, I would like to suggest you shut the fuck up.

I would be interested in being near you when your world crumhbles and see what you are able to do, say and respond too. Asia is in desperate straights due to the loss of her husband, best friend and father of her child and unborn child. Many times people in those circumstances do and say desperate things. She is unable to work, being 8 months pregnant and is looking at how she is going to raise two children and exist with out the man she loves so deeply.

Why don't you be a good boy and help someone in need instead of accusing them of scamming her fans. I would be more than happy to meet you in person anytime to futher discuss this situation. But I am sure youare like most blow hards on the internet and will hide behind the web to cover your identity as you act like a chicken shit and attack innocent persons in their time of need.

The Truth Behind Asia Carrera's Money Situation

Da Burglar writes:

Asia is definitely BROKE. Here's the deal: Her husband, before he died, struggled to keep money away from Asia due to Asia's Gambling Addiction, which according to the little bird is "severe." Over the years ASIA completely pissed away the money she made in PORN.

One anecdotal story relates how at AVN, Asia typically had an "escort" or attendant whose job it was to ensure ASIA did not hit the Gambling tables while at the AVN awards.

Don Lemmon Obituary

From the Las Vegas Review Journal:

Donald Edward Lemmon, Jr., age 37, died in a single car accident outside of Las Vegas, June 10, 2006. He was born Sept. 4, 1968, in Newton Falls, Ohio, to Donald Edward, Sr. and Laura Pearl Weimer Lemmon. On Dec. 19, 2003, he married Asia Carrera in Koolina, Hawaii.

Donald grew up in Ohio. He served in the U.S. Army, then moved back to Ohio working as a personal trainer. He moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in a rock band. There Donald found success with a nutritional web site and he became a nutritionist and personal trainer. He was also a published science fiction author. Donald was a devoted husband and a loving father.

Survivors include his wife, Asia; one daughter from his first marriage, Carly of Ohio; one daughter from his second marriage, Catalina of St. George, Utah; one soon to be born son, Donald Edward Lemmon, III; mother, Laura of Ohio; one brother, Jeff Lemmon; and four half sisters and one half brother. Private family services will be held. Arrangements were under the direction of Moapa Valley Mortuary.

6/26/06

Asia Carrera Update

She writes on AsiaCarrera.com:

06/26 - Today was a pretty good day. It's a little after 9 pm and I haven't even cried yet today. That's a first so far. I was able to take Catty out to do some stuff today because my loyal assistant dictator bought Catty a dvd player for the car. She loves it - thank you me2!

Ok, since I am not going to vent about anything today, I will explain why I am asking for donations. I know the media made me out to be this financial wizard, and I guess I WAS, at one time. When I was around 27, I had a lot of money invested in the stock market. I had almost enough to buy a nice house in LA for cash, which is a lot of money for a 27-year old kid to have saved up. But then came the tech collapse, the stock market tanked, and I lost half my savings overnight. I was sick about it, but I know bigger and better people than me got burned, so what could I do? All I could do was keep working and keep saving.

But then came another knockout punch, my boyfriend of 5 years got deported back to England, and my world just fell apart. I suffer from extreme co-dependancy, in addition to social phobia, so I was trapped at home alone with my overwhelming grief. I worked just enough to pay my bills and keep travelling to England every few months to see my boyfriend, and I saved nothing.

In fact, I am ashamed to admit, I developed a terrible online gambling addiction, and blew through half of my savings yet again, over the next two years. I never cashed out, because I didn't want to stop gambling - then I would have to feel my loneliness and despair! There were days I wouldn't even get out of bed because I couldn't see any reason to. The rest of the time I spent gambling and blowing my savings.

Then I met Don... and everything turned to sunshine in an instant, I was so freakin' happy every day! We were SO in love, SO fast, it was a true fairytale come to life! He moved in after two weeks, we were engaged after a month, married at 3 months, moved to Hawaii and got pregnant 3 months after that. The happiness just never stopped, it seemed too good to be true! Well, I guess it was... *sigh* ok, where was I...

So anyway, I kicked my gambling addiction after I met Don, because I didn't need that emotional crutch anymore now that I had him. But all I had left was 1/4 of the savings I'd had before the market crash, and I used that to put a down payment on this house when we found out I was pregnant. So the last of my money went into this house. I make a little money off the site each month, but that was just "fun money", to buy toys for Catty and stuff, not enough to pay the bills.

Don paid all the bills, and he was happy to do it. He never wanted me to go back to porn, he wanted to take care of me, and I wanted to be a loving fulltime mommy to his babies. However Don had nothing in the bank either. He was a "live for the moment" kind of guy, he figured "it's just money, I'll make more" and he didn't really talk to me about what was up with the finances. And I didn't ask because it wasn't my business. I was happy to just worry about the babies and not money for the first time in my life! But when I asked him about life insurance and even got the forms for him, he put them aside on his desk and said he'd take care of it when business picked up a little. And of course, as you now know, he never wound up getting any.

Bottom line, I'm scared because we have nothing in the bank. And if you ever read my essay on "Why I Did Porn" on the bio page, you know that when I ran away from home I had nothing at all, and did things I didn't want to do just so I could eat and have a place to sleep. And I have had a deep-seated fear ever since of being put back in that position. Having kids to worry about now only makes it worse! I don't want to be standing on a street corner with two babies, begging for money!! I just don't have the "everything will work itself out" mentality, because I've BEEN on that street corner with nothing, and it is an experience I am terrified of repeating!

Ok, so there you have it, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, the whole reason why I'm asking for donations from you, my loyal fans. And I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who has helped me out so far, with donations, kind words, Walmart giftcards, baby clothes, books on grieving, and talking to me in the chatroom. All of it, every bit of it is SO appreciated, thank you thank you thank you. Ok, guess I'll wrap this all up with another reprint of the donation info in case anyone missed it: (yes, it is totally humiliating for me to ask you guys for money, but when I look at Catty and my 8-month pregnant belly, I just feel so scared for the future! ARGH!!)

6/26/06

She writes on AsiaCarrera.com:

Today was a pretty good day. It's a little after 9 pm and I haven't even cried yet today. That's a first so far. I was able to take Catty out to do some stuff today because my loyal assistant dictator bought Catty a dvd player for the car. She loves it - thank you me2!

Ok, since I am not going to vent about anything today, I will explain why I am asking for donations. I know the media made me out to be this financial wizard, and I guess I WAS, at one time. When I was around 27, I had a lot of money invested in the stock market. I had almost enough to buy a nice house in LA for cash, which is a lot of money for a 27-year old kid to have saved up. But then came the tech collapse, the stock market tanked, and I lost half my savings overnight. I was sick about it, but I know bigger and better people than me got burned, so what could I do? All I could do was keep working and keep saving.

But then came another knockout punch, my boyfriend of 5 years got deported back to England, and my world just fell apart. I suffer from extreme co-dependancy, in addition to social phobia, so I was trapped at home alone with my overwhelming grief. I worked just enough to pay my bills and keep travelling to England every few months to see my boyfriend, and I saved nothing.

In fact, I am ashamed to admit, I developed a terrible online gambling addiction, and blew through half of my savings yet again, over the next two years. I never cashed out, because I didn't want to stop gambling - then I would have to feel my loneliness and despair! There were days I wouldn't even get out of bed because I couldn't see any reason to. The rest of the time I spent gambling and blowing my savings.

Then I met Don... and everything turned to sunshine in an instant, I was so freakin' happy every day! We were SO in love, SO fast, it was a true fairytale come to life! He moved in after two weeks, we were engaged after a month, married at 3 months, moved to Hawaii and got pregnant 3 months after that. The happiness just never stopped, it seemed too good to be true! Well, I guess it was... *sigh* ok, where was I...

So anyway, I kicked my gambling addiction after I met Don, because I didn't need that emotional crutch anymore now that I had him. But all I had left was 1/4 of the savings I'd had before the market crash, and I used that to put a down payment on this house when we found out I was pregnant. So the last of my money went into this house. I make a little money off the site each month, but that was just "fun money", to buy toys for Catty and stuff, not enough to pay the bills.

Don paid all the bills, and he was happy to do it. He never wanted me to go back to porn, he wanted to take care of me, and I wanted to be a loving fulltime mommy to his babies. However Don had nothing in the bank either. He was a "live for the moment" kind of guy, he figured "it's just money, I'll make more" and he didn't really talk to me about what was up with the finances. And I didn't ask because it wasn't my business. I was happy to just worry about the babies and not money for the first time in my life! But when I asked him about life insurance and even got the forms for him, he put them aside on his desk and said he'd take care of it when business picked up a little. And of course, as you now know, he never wound up getting any.

Bottom line, I'm scared because we have nothing in the bank. And if you ever read my essay on "Why I Did Porn" on the bio page, you know that when I ran away from home I had nothing at all, and did things I didn't want to do just so I could eat and have a place to sleep. And I have had a deep-seated fear ever since of being put back in that position. Having kids to worry about now only makes it worse! I don't want to be standing on a street corner with two babies, begging for money!! I just don't have the "everything will work itself out" mentality, because I've BEEN on that street corner with nothing, and it is an experience I am terrified of repeating!

Ok, so there you have it, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, the whole reason why I'm asking for donations from you, my loyal fans. And I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who has helped me out so far, with donations, kind words, Walmart giftcards, baby clothes, books on grieving, and talking to me in the chatroom. All of it, every bit of it is SO appreciated, thank you thank you thank you. Ok, guess I'll wrap this all up with another reprint of the donation info in case anyone missed it: (yes, it is totally humiliating for me to ask you guys for money, but when I look at Catty and my 8-month pregnant belly, I just feel so scared for the future! ARGH!!)

Asia Carrera found Don Lemmon's life insurance policy

She writes Dec 7, 2006 :

I have no explanation why there's a complete blank when I try to remember buying that policy... but you know what? It dawned on me today that my "amnesia" is actually the closest thing to a miracle I think I've ever experienced. Because I realized that IF I HAD KNOWN about this policy when Don died, I am almost positive I WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY. There are no words for how deep my despair was in the weeks after his death. I was prepared to give babyD to my friends to raise, because I didn't feel up to the task. I just wanted to die, I was so devastated. The ONLY thing that kept me from going to be with Donny was that I couldn't walk away from Catty, leaving her with no family and no money. But if I had known about a life insurance policy at that time, I would have probably sent Catty to live with her aunt & uncle on Donny's side, sent BabyD to my friends, and sent half the insurance money to each family and then gone to be with my husband.