Lee Tamahori

Burt Kearns writes 2/22/06:

Everybody’s jumping at Daniel Craig this week, saying he won’t be a good James Bond. Blah blah blah. He's a good actor. Bond will be lifted to a new level. We waited an entire week to see if anyone would get on the real story: the new Bond girl is an arthouse DP porn queen, showing more snatch than Guy Ritchie, making Sharon Stone look like Mary Poppins and Maud Adams like Katie Holmes...

No, not Lee Tamahori.

Eva Green is more Suicide Girl than Maxim material, best known for her role in The Dreamers, Bernardo Bertolucci’s boner-boundary-breaking ménage au trios artfest, the most lasting impressions of which are the Internet freeze-frame grabs of Eva’s crotch. She's arty. She's European. She's Cinemax.

See her porn shots here.

This being 2006, most young moviegoers don’t know much of Bertolucci beyond his casting of Keanu Reeves as Siddhartha or Liv Tyler in some coming of age sex flick. He makes pretty pictures, but for more than thirty years, his real contribution to cinema has been pushing the perv limit, polishing X-ratings for the butter stick sodomy of that mad girl in Last Tango in Paris and the memorable vision of Jill Clayburgh’s full-frame butt as she's having sex with her son in the incest comedy, La Luna (her assiest, and Fred Gwynne’s classiest role). Not that Bertolucci's not an artist. We know. We’re artists too. We’re behind the current movie Cloud 9, and any of our female stars (Angie Everhart or Gabrielle Reece most obviously) would be more palatable Bond girls than Bertolucci’s latest silly flasher chick, convinced by his Italioartistofakaclassitakaoffayouundies line of bullshit to spread all for a demiporn movie that ended up on HBO and screen grabs faster than she got her next role in yet another language.

Anyway, anyone giving Danny Craig a hard time at this point didn’t see Layer Cake, and certainly didn't live through the Seventies and old Roger Moore playing Bond with smut and a girdle (and Maud Adams, now that we think of it— look up her scandal and report back).

But what of Eva Green? She's the first Bond porn girl. Will she make history in Casino Royale as the first nude Bond girl in the 007 franchise? Danny Craig’s a down and dirty lad who could do Ian Fleming proud with a slapper like Eva.

What was Cubby’s family thinking?

Sharon Stone, meet Eva Green...

...meet Jill Clayburgh...