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Becca Brat Interview

I met Becca (with Lisa Marie) in early December, 2003.

I talked to her a few times after that. I last saw her at the PAW Bowlathon in May 2005. She was with her boyfriend Jack Spade.

After exchanging some email with me over the past few days, Becca calls me Wednesday afternoon, Oct. 11, 2006.

She's out of porn and California and living near her family. She's drug-free. She's married. And she's four months pregnant.

"I left L.A. in April 2005. I went to work at the Bunny Ranch. I was still on drugs. That was a bad scene. I'd been in and out of rehab five times. This time I got serious. I took methadone for two days, and some pills for a day and a half, and I was done. It was will-power and God.

"I must've had angels looking after me. You know I've been through some rough stuff, stuff that most people would not have survived.

"I was addicted to heroin, meth, anything I could get my hands on.

"I was very homesick. June 5, 2005, was my first official sober day. The more I was sober, the more I was open to other things. I grew up a Christian. I came home to visit my family and I decided to stay. I started going to church again. My old friends were very accepting. That made the transition a lot easier.

"I met Shelley Lubben on the internet. She's a great strength for me. Any time that I am frustrated or not quite sure what to do, I'll call Shelley. I've been reading a lot on your blog and other places about girls addicted to heroin. It was such a huge epidemic when I was on it. It seems like so many girls OD'd on it."

Luke: "Why did you get into the Adult industry?"

Becca: "I was very accepted in the Adult industry. I always felt welcomed. It's fun. I grew up sheltered. It was new and exciting. Anything that is truly bad is going to look exciting or you wouldn't get into it. It's like a drug. You try it for the first time and it's fun. By the thousandth time you've done it, you realize you can't stop doing it."

Becca started stripping at age 18 in 2000. In 2001, she started acting in porn movies.

Becca's friends with a couple of porn girls who also got out -- Aria (the body builder) and Crissy Moran.

Becca: "Aria is doing well. She went back to massage therapy and she's making a good living. She's still living in LA. Aria grew up in the church too as well as Jack Spade. We always talked about how many girls in the industry grew up with Christian lifestyles. That's the reason so many girls are leaving the industry now because they had that background."

Luke: "What was the hardest part of letting go of the Adult industry?"

Becca: "The money. And a lot of the people. You do make friends. You hear that bad things happen to some people."

Luke: "How do you feel about the industry?"

Becca: "I used to be a big advocate of it. Once I got to the Bunny Ranch, they used me for a lot of publicity for the right of legal prostitution... Looking back on it, I was so miserable. How could I have let anybody talk me into saying what a good thing it was? Once you get into the industry and you're working to make a living and you don't see any way out, you put on this big show. You become Becca Brat. It's a different person. The hardest part of leaving the industry was finding Carly again, remembering who Carly was because I was Becca for so long."

Luke: "How did your friends in the Adult industry react to your living the industry and finding God?"

Becca: "Most everybody is supportive. A lot of them say, 'The church isn't my thing.' I try to tell them how much God is helping in my life. They're not quite open to the God thing but they are so proud and so happy for me that I have been able to leave the industry. I don't think anybody is truly happy in the industry.

"I hung out with a lot of people in the Adult industry, everybody from contract girls to gonzo actresses. Everybody has the same problems. Everybody is on drugs. It's an empty lifestyle trying to fill up a void."

Luke: "Did you lose a lot of friends when you got into the Adult industry?"

Becca: "Yes. I knew that a lot of people wouldn't agree with what I was doing, so I didn't keep in contact with anybody. It's amazing to me that since I've been back, so many of my old friends have been so accepting even though most of them know what I was up to. It doesn't even matter to them. I've been re-accepted. My family is supportive. I talked to my family while I was gone but it wasn't a relationship. The best part of coming home is being able to rebuild my relationship with my family."

Luke: "How did they react to your being a part of the Adult industry?"

Becca: "They hated it but they loved me anyways."

Luke: "When you enter the industry, you lose so many relationships."

Becca: "It's like the death of you and the birth of a new person. I look back on some of the stuff I did in the industry and I couldn't even imagine doing it now."

Luke: "How does your husband deal with your being an ex-porn star?"

Becca: "It's something he doesn't like to talk about. It's something he accepts but it is not part of our everydaylife.

"He's a childhood friend of mine. He found out what I was doing about a year before I came home again. He told me, 'When I found out, it made me so sad.'

"We move on. He knows I might have some issues, but nothing he's not willing to get over."

Luke: "What price do you continue to pay for being in the Adult industry?"

Becca: "I have anxiety that everybody is judging me. I'm four months pregnant. I have anxiety that if things don't work out with my husband, they're going to try to take the baby away. Even though I constantly have people tell me, 'You don't have to worry about that. Nobody is going to try to take your baby away from you.'"

Luke: "Do you still have to fight the urge to take drugs?"

Becca: "I had the urge until I got pregnant. Now I can't imagine doing it. I don't want my kid to turn out anything like what I did. I just want to shelter them. I used to hate that I was so sheltered. Now I wish I was more sheltered."

Luke: "Are there any lingering effects from having used drugs?"

Becca: "My memory. I can't remember anything. I can tell I look older. Most people say I look young for my age.

"I still do some fun stuff. I had a bachelorette party in Vegas. I was the best girl there since I was pregnant. Ninety nine percent of the time I'm at home. I love that I don't have to work. I'm busy nesting. I'm trying to make everything all perfect for the baby's arrival."

Luke: "Do you find it hard to relate to people who aren't Christians?"

Becca: "No. If anything, I find it hard to relate to people who've never done anything really wrong. I relate better to people who have been in the lifestyle. I don't think I could ever judge somebody."