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Match.com Parody

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I’m sure by now you’ve seen those annoyingly stupid commercials from “real” couples who met on Match.com. The onion did a parody of them and it’s funny as hell.




The Automatic Sperm Extractor

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A Chinese hospital in Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier- an automatic sperm extractor. I’m all for hands-free technology, but have scientists gone a little too far with this invention?

Automatic Sperm Extractor

The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.

According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. We’re not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology.

 

 

 

 

 

Source: IFL Science




Donald Sterling Porno Parody

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OWNER GETS CLIPPED”: PORN VALLEY RESPONDS TO DONALD STERLING THE ONLY WAY IT KNOWS HOW

Porn Valley could not let Donald Sterling’s fall from grace go unremarked, so it offers its own fictionalized, sexualized version of recent events in Smash Pictures’ “Owner Gets Clipped,” starring mainstay porn actor Kyle Stone as “Dick Spermling” and available exclusively on Gamelink.com.

Owners Get Clipped

Stone, 50, is a 22-year veteran of adult films. He has even played Donald Trump in two different “Apprentice” porn parodies. When the Sterling scandal broke, Stone says, friends told him to expect a call to play the embattled Clippers owner’s porn alter-ego.”They can’t have some 22-year-old playing an 80-year-old man,” he says.

That call came in May from writer/ director Jim Powers, who has directed hundreds of adult videos. “Owner Gets Clipped” was shot over Memorial Day weekend (“Well, not all three days,” Stone says. “The Saturday and the Monday”).

Like the Sarah Palin porn parodies that were turned around in a matter of weeks prior to the 2008 election, the full-length “Owner Gets Clipped” will be available July 1.

For parody purposes, all of the names are changed (Yasmine De Leon plays Z, for example — not to be confused with V. Stiviano) but savvy viewers can probably pick out whom “Magic J” is meant to be.

Hot-button issues of race, sexually-transmitted diseases, and May-December romances abound in the condom-only film. The cover finds Spermling declaring “I am not a racist” and his wife, “Sissy” (played by porn icon Nina Hartley) taking her pick from her husband’s locker room.

Just as the MILF trend re-ignited the careers of many porn starlets who had aged out of the business, parodies have prolonged the relevance of performers whose acting chops have been underutilized in today’s short attention span porn. Stone won this year’s “Best Non-Sex Performer” AVN Award for his role in Wicked Pictures’ “Four Rooms” adaptation, “Hotel/Motel.”

“Which was good,” Stone says, “because I had only done one sex scene in all of 2013. When ‘Owner Gets Clipped’ came up, (producers) were unsure how a sex scene would go.”

Stone has two sex scenes in the movie: one with De Leon and the other with Harley Deen, both of whom he describes as “really sweet.”

“Believe it or no,” Stone says, “(I’m 50) and I still know how to (copulate).”

 




The G-String Condom … Oh yes it does exsist

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Have you ever been deep in the passionate throes of protected love-making and thought, ‘Yeah, this is okay, but I really wish there was a string of latex plying apart my butt cheeks’? Or, ‘Gosh, how I yearn for a warm rubber sack in which to keep my testicles nice and snug’?

condom thong

All your troubling latex dreams are coming true, with the recent invention of the condom g-string. In this wholly unnecessary union, two unappealing entities have been combined to make the one repulsive thing — and, somewhat inconveniently, it’s an enormous boner-kill.

Invented by a group of Chinese students at the South Medical University in Guangzhou, this horrifying genital mask (or ‘Guardian of Love’) won a Competition of Cultural Innovation run by the Communist Youth League, which offered a cash prize to whoever designed “the next generation of condoms”. And yes: there are many elements of that sentence that boggle the mind and may pre-emptively send your penis into hiding.

But not everyone seemed so horrified by the idea. The project has been green-lit for a $300,000 investment from Guangdong Yuezheng Investment Management Limited, in Dongguan. And it comes with this helpful illustration:

As you can see in this incredibly technical concept drawing, the Guardian of Love has a few major differences from both your average condom and g-string. Its creators note that it features “a slip-resistant compact capsule and uses the principle of vacuum absorption to help store semen”. Fitted with a latex sack for your testicles and harnessed elastic base, this is clearly the condom for the outdoorsman. The guy who seeks active intercourse! Intercourse from all angles! Intercourse that may or may not somehow involve his balls!

At this point, it’s worth noting that five of the condom’s six creators were actually women. Even its trial product (in the feature image above) seems to have been fitted on a female mannequin, so real-world male involvement with the product may be iffy at best.

But I guess we’ll find out soon enough: The Nanfang and China Times are both reporting that a batch of 10,000 thong-doms is currently on its way to Australia. (Meanwhile, researchers at the University of Wollongong announced this month that they were working on a self-lubricating, skin-like condom that will actually enhance sexual pleasure. You should wait for that one instead, probably.)

Source: Junkee




Photos from Ideal Image Models Anniversary Party

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These are photos from the Ideal Image Models Anniversary Party at the Playhouse in Hollywood California on June 13, 2014, thanks Glenn Francis of www.pacificprodigital.com

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Belle Knox Celebrates 19th Birthday

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BELLE KNOX CELEBRATES 19TH BIRTHDAY AT HQ TUESDAY JUNE 17 TO DONATE LAPDANCE MONEY TO MAGGIE’S

Duke University Student Turned Porn Star Featured in Hustler 40th Anniversary Issue

HQ_BELLE_KNOX_BDAY_2014 

Duke college student/porn Belle Knox will be celebrating her 19th birthday at Headquarters Gentlemen’s Club in New York City on Tuesday, June 17. The teen porn sensation will be arriving at 9pm, will be performing two shows and will be available for autographs, photographs and lapdances, and a portion of those earnings will be donated to non-profit, sex worker advocacy group, Maggie’s in Toronto.

 

“It has been a crazy year but now it’s time to ring in my 19th birthday! I am excited to spend time with my fans, eat some cake, and dance the night away!” says Knox.

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Gemma Massey is getting a boob reduction

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Former Bluebird Films contract star Gemma Massey has decided to say goodbye to her porn star ways and this year has begun the journey back to life as a normal girl. Of course that’s much easier said than done with you have the massive sized bazooms that she does. Or should I say … DID. This July, Gemma is going in for breast reduction surgery.

Gemma Massey March 2014

 

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Janice Griffith Live on Saturday

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You’ve seen her on TMZ and on the front page of Huffington Post. Now you can see her live for an exclusive 1 hour members only show at Porn1820.  Janice Griffith will be live on June 14th at 12 noon PST (3 EST). Don’t miss the chance to see what all the fuss is about. It’s Janice Griffith live!

 

Janice Griffith Live at Porn 1820

Janice Griffith is a barely legal babe who leapt onto the front page of almost every major media outlet when she was thrown off of the roof at a Hustler shoot by a millionaire playboy (Instagram’s Biggest Playboy Dan Bilzerian).  After the incident, Janice Griffith was trending on Google in the top 10 for weeks.

  • You can follow Janice Griffith on twitter @thejanicexxx
  • You can follow Porn1820 on twitter @Porn1820
  • and you can watch Janice Griffith live on Saturday June 14th at Porn1820.com

 

From TMZ: “Instagram’s Biggest Playboy” can add Instagram’s biggest dumbass to his resume — the guy threw a FULLY NAKED porn star off the roof of a Hollywood Hills mansion into a pool … breaking her foot in the process … and it was all caught on tape. Dan Bilzerian — a millionaire pro poker player famous for his extravagant IG photos — was doing a shoot for Hustler magazine on Wednesday with 19-year-old Janice Griffith when he got the brilliant idea to cup Griffith’s vagina … and throw her headfirst into the pool. From the roof.

 




Are you the next cover girl?

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Are you hot enough to be Xcitement magazine’s next cover girl? If so then Cindi is looking for you. For more information on how you can be considered you can contact Cindi via Twitter @MizLoftus.

The June cover girl for Xcitement magazine is Nikita Von James.

 

xcitement-june-2014

 




New Study – Get Your Summer Sex On

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We always knew that people get friskier in the summer and hibernate in the winter. Right? Wrong. A new study discovered that our cravings for sex and mating peak at the exact same time each year — summer and winter. So if you’re trying to find a date in fall or spring, you may want to secure that it well in advance.

Using Google Trends, which allows researchers to see details on all Google searches, a team from Villanova University scoured through the last five years of the search engine’s keywords and noticed a trend: Americans search for porn in six-month cycles, with the most searches coming in winter and early summer. The study also discovered that searches for mainstream dating websites also peaked at the exact same time, while similar patterns were not present for non-sexual terms.

The question is why.

Our best guess for winter is that we spend more time indoors, and that’s enough to lead to boredom and an increase in online sex searches.

As for the summer, it’s holiday season. Not only do employed people like to take their time off then, a whackload (poor choice of wording?) of high school/college boys have more time on their hands with school out.

Whatever the case, it’s interesting to note that previous studies have shown similar seasonal trends for births, sexually transmitted infections and condom sales and abortions, so maybe there is something in the air during these times of year.

 

Source: Ask Men




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