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Missy Monroe Missy Monroe Missy Monroe Missy Monroe Devinn Lane Keiko Jon Dough, wife Monique de Moan Kelly Taylor Kelly Tylor Kelly Taylor Kelly Taylor Kelly Tylor Kelly Tylor Cassie Courtland Courtney, Taylor Curtis Taylor Curtis Taylor Curtis Britney Rears Britney Rears Britney Rears Roommates Genesis Skye, Missy Monroe Wankus, Brett Rockman, Genesis Skye Wankus, Brett Rockman Austyn Moore Austyn Moore Austyn Moore Wankus, girl, Nicole Brazzle Wankus, girl, Nicole Brazzle Nicole, girl Nicole, girl Wankus, Kelly Tylor, Cassie Courtland Kelly, Cassie Julie Ann Wohl, David Wankus, Renee Pornero, Hillary Scott Wankus, Renee, Holly Monica Mayhem, Selena Silver Dean from Sineplex, friend, Nick Manning Taylor Curtis Courtney Taylor

Excited Out Of My Mind At The Britney Rears Party

Many seemingly superficial things can have a tremendous affect on a man's sense of masculinity such as the car he drives and the beauty of his woman.

I didn't realize how much my junky vehicle was bringing me down until Thursday afternoon when my mechanic, free of charge to me, rented me a brand new Kia until my vehicle was fixed.

The only reason I needed it was to get to Thursday night's Britney Rears party in Hollywood.

When I drove out of Enterprise Rent-A-Car, I suddenly felt like a million bucks. I saw that for the past few years, my sense of my self had been profoundly influenced by the ageing, rusting, hiccuping, hard-to-start and difficult-to-accelerate vehicle I've been driving.

My new Kia even had an AM/FM CD player with quality speakers.

No porn I've seen in the last eight years has made me this excited.

As I zipped (I haven't had this much fun without doing something that violates my conscience in years) along La Brea ten miles over the speed limit (my van won't do that unless I'm going straight downhill), I had fantasies of picking up a woman tonight and driving her up and down Mulholland Drive, just as I had done during an earlier and simpler part of my life.

My libido raced with my engine and suddenly I was 17 again and blasting rock music and looking forward to a party.

I parked near Santa Monica Blvd, and in my excitement, got confused about the address of the party. Instead of hiking to 1340 Cahuenga Blvd, I walked to 1940 Cahuenga only to find there was no such place.

Then I remembered the party I had glimpsed when I had first passed 1340 and ran back in the opposite direction.

Crossing Sunset Blvd, I reached into my pocket for my ever-present paper towel, and wiped the sweat off my face.

When I ran into Shira the publicist, I apologized for my tardiness and asked her how long she had been working for PurePlay.

Only then did I realize she worked for X-Play, which had no connection to PurePlay.

I spent much of the night talking to Missy Monroe trying to get my mind around what she had done Wednesday - a bukkake with 52 guys.

Yes, my reporting has become softer and more conventional over the years, and that does suck for my readers, but it makes it easier for me at industry functions. I no longer worry much about people attacking me.

I left the party after midnight and on the drive home entertained fantasies of taking the 10 to the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) and just driving north until I got tired. But it seemed pathetic to do such a thing alone, so I went to my computer instead and then my bed.

"Britney Rears." What a clever satire on the way our society sexualizes teenagers. Can't wait to tell my friends: "I went to the Britney party Thursday night." "Britney Spears?" "No. Britney Rears."

I arrive at 9:15PM. None of the stars have shown up yet but there's a crowd of 20 photographers waiting beside the red carpet.

Devinn Lane walks in with party promoter Brad Thomas.

Brian (a bounty hunty) from TheHardcoreSource.com tries to get a picture. He tells a big fat guy blocking him, "Move! If you don't move, I'll move you."

Big guy: "How are you going to do that?"

They eventually reach an amicable resolution.

I don't recognize Sandy Bunz because he's in a blue Hawaiin style shirt.

Later on I see Dino Bravo. I wonder if he and Sandy stepped outside and settled their differences.

I meet built blonde Taylor Curtis, two of her non-porn girlfriends (Courtney -- a busty blonde who likes to flash -- and brunette Rebecca), and her boyfriend Josh.

Taylor and Josh have been in porn since December. She's done about 15 films.

I ask Taylor, "Did he drag you into this kicking and screaming?"

Josh: "She dragged me."

Taylor: "I got started through Nicole Brazzle.

Taylor, who only does boy-girl with Josh, got breast implants about two years ago.

Josh: "She wanted to do print so I introduced her to Nicole. I knew Nicole because I throw music industry parties. Nicole said, you should do girl-girl. I said, I won't let her do boy-girl. Nicole said [to Taylor], you could do boy-girl with him.

"That's what we do now. She lets her freaky side out. She's definitely an item at the parties."

Taylor and Courtney have pasties on their breasts because there is a law, I think, in LA or Hollywood that you can't have revealed nipples and alcohol in the same establishment.

I meet German porner Conny Dachx. He hosts a show for Beate Uhse satellite television, which he says has 300 million potential viewers.

Conny: "Three times Venus winner for Best Actor in Brussels."

He reckons he's done about 1500 movies in his career, mostly in Europe.

Duke: "What's the premise of your show?"

Conny: "Every show I have a new job. It's a comedy. I get a new job to try to get new girls. Mechanic. Stripper. Whatever. But I'm too stupid. Most of the time I get [rejected]."

Fellow German Drew Berrymore walks past.

I start thinking about the German soul. The German body. Its national aspirations and history. National Socialism. Uniforms.

Why do the Nazis have the coolest uniforms? That black leather thing. Germans have that look down. Hells Angels are pretty cool too. Why must evil be so appealing?

Why do the things I will, I do not? Why do the things I do, I will not? Sinful wicked man that I am.

Thursday night, I met a Jew who did a PhD in theology proving that Jesus was not the Messiah.

Thursday night, I met a Jew who worked for Larry Flynt Publications for 15 years.

Thursday night, I met a Jew who spent 31 years in the Hells Angels.

Not such a big deal, you say. Britney Rears has a big tent. She embodies compassionate conservatism.

But it was the same Jew -- David. His tall beautiful date is Julie Ann Wohl, who just got her divorce last month from some Italian prince. She's filthy rich and lives in a big beautiful house. A couple of years ago, she was a world-class pistol shooter. She's written cover stories for Guns & Ammo magazine.

My type of girl.

She's been to six red-carpet parties in the past two weeks, including ones for Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. She says this porn one is the friendliest. Girls are winking at her all over. The guys are respectful. They always say please and thank you when they ask the girls to drop their tops.

If Julie thinks this is cool, she should see the level of etiquette observed in a bukkake line!

Julie posed nude for a sculptor named Robert.

Julie is a host tonight for a Fashion TV pilot.

* Tyler Faith says she is still doing guys on camera, still living with Jill Kelly, and that she is not pregnant and not getting married.

* Missy Monroe, 20, a nice girl who does nasty things on camera, is on the cover of the latest Adam Film World. The headline reads: Porn's biggest slut. The opening sentence in her article says she has a heart of gold.

She says she did a bukkake with 52 guys Wednesday. "I was laughing the whole time. The guys were really funny, standing there in a big circle jerk. You're in ecstasy and then you come down and your eyes hurt and your ears are full of cum and I washed my face about 40 times."

* Nicole Brazzle has an Arizona college girl with her, Courtney Simpson. They (Nicole, Courtney) met in January in Las Vegas. Nicole was flying out and this college girl was flying in and they started talking on the airplane.

Courtney did her first scene with Max Hardcore. She says he was nice to her.

What are her motivations for entering porn? "The money. And I like being on camera."

Courtney plans to move out here after college. She has a full academic scholarship to her university. Her highschool GPA was 4.2. She plans to either major in marketing or broadcast journalism.

I ask her if she's thought about the consequences to her career from doing porn? "They'll probably like it," she says. "It'll be hot."

Nicole and Courtney laugh and move on.

* Fashion TV has an LFP connection.

* Longtime Hells Angel Chuck Zito can be seen in Women R Wild Clubstyle Las Vegas.

Zito likes to hang out with mobsters. You can see him at the Mafia-affiliated New York strip club Scores, where he beat up Claude van Damme. Zito also hangs out at the Rainbow on Sunset Blvd in LA.

Zito is friends with Vivid contract girl Savannah Samson.

* Missy Monroe says that a guy who says he founded Playboy TV's Nightcalls show gave her a $100 bill because she was so beautiful.

* Monica Mayhem says when she goes back to Australia, people say she's a Yank. When a cabdriver said that to her rudely, she told him she wouldn't tip him. Selena Silver says that when she calls home, her friends tell her she sounds like a Yank.

* Julie notes how respectful the men are. When they ask the girls to pull their tops down, they say, "Thank you," and "please."