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Thoughts On Fluffy Cumsalot
2003-08-08 11:58:58

Here are my immediate impressions after watching twice this documentary from www.unitednathanproductions.com:

* Nathan makes documentaries. So why not one about the porn industry? Nathan probably realizes there are many obstacles to doing this, and thus chooses a subject so innocuous that he should get easy access to porn stars. He features 75 here.

Nathan writes: "I didn’t set out to get laid by any porn stars, I just saw a very interesting subject and went for it."

* Publicists should love this film. It puts all their clients in a good light. All the publicists - like Daniel Metcalf at Wicked, Brian Gross (formerly of Vivid), Scott Stein (Sin City) - are thanked in the credits.

* Porn stars are generally captured at their most superficial.

* The documentary doesn't reach for any profound conclusions. About the only person in here who pontificates about the greater meaning of porn star names is that weird Australian L-ke F-rd.

* Perhaps there should've been a deeper plumbing of meaning? How much does branding mean with porn stars? How come we aren't creating any porn stars today? Nick Manning believes his name has great branding power. Is he fooling himself? What porn star names mean something? I think Jenna Jameson is undoubtedly number one, but after her, I don't think any name in porn means much.

* The porners all come off as likeable and many tell amusing stories. Mike McCormick aka Quasarman is the most funny (at least when he's not picking his nose on camera).

* I wish there were graphics giving the names of the porn stars speaking. I forget who many of these people are.

* Those less jaded than I should enjoy it more. It's a peak into a forbidden world.

* I see Ryan Conner for the first time. I see her name all the time on the prostitution review websites. She's a busy hooker. Here she looks fresh and attractive.

* Everyone interviewed seems to be enjoying themselves. There's none of that fear and hesitation many porners experience when talking to the media. The porn stars appear happy to talk to Nathan Garfinkle because they know they're safe.

* The documentary wasn't savage enough for my tastes. No blood was spilled. Nobody was humiliated.

* On May 28, Ron Jeremy sees me and comes over for a friendly chat. He praises my performance in a forthcoming documentary on porn names - Fluffy Comes A Lot by Nathan Garfinkle.

Ron: "You looked real good. You spoke real soft. It was a nice contrast. Everyone else was jumping around. You came across calm. You made a few jabs at the business. That's all right. I'll get you a copy."

* Those who love porn should enjoy this documentary. Don't expect any big scoops. I do not think those who are not into porn will get into Fluffy Cumsalot. The title is appropriately raunchy and should warn away the faint-hearted.

* Nina Hartley looks lovely.

* Veronica Hart aka Jane Hamilton is adorable in what she says.

* Ron Jeremy: "Stage names are more important in porno than in regular movies. In porno, if a person knows your real name and where you live, you could get stalked. It has happened. Not to me. I encourage stalking.

"As in all walks of media - dancing, acting, singing, baseball, rock stars - they all use a stage name. That's how it's done."

Do most sports stars use fake names? Do most actors?

* Lovette: "My name's Lovette. I got that name because when I'm getting f---ed, all I'm saying is, 'I love it.'"

* There's a ton of tease footage of sexy porn girls.

* Chris Gore from Filmthreat, dressed in a tuxedo: "Porn names are extremely important. Like any other kind of entertainer, the name is critical. A porn name can make or break a star. Truly."

Veronica Hart: "I don't think names are that important in the industry. What's really important is the personality, the feeling, the heat, the love... You could call me Rebecca or Kim or Sandy and I would still be me. Names are fun to play with. They're fun when you want to get somebody's attention. And they're awfully nice to call out when you're having an orgasm. So remember that. Find out the person's name that you're with and just as you're climaxing, yell out that name. It will make it more intense."

Jenna Jameson: "One of the most asked questions is - how did you come up with Jenna Jameson? Jenna is my real name. I have a crazy Italian last name. I had to change it. Nobody would be able to pronounce it. I drink a lot of Jameson whisky. I'm named after a liquor."

Ron Jeremy: "My full name is Ron Jeremy Hyatt. John Leslie and I use our middle names. That way you can cash a check.

"I directed some really high budget films for Leisure Time, $60,000 films..."

L-ke F-rd: "My name is L-ke F-rd. I've been covering the porn industry for about five years. When you're dealing with a moronic industry, you get moronic names, particularly moronic spellings of names. Overall, there's a lack of creativity and imagination in this industry. The people tend to copy what others have done.

"Their name is not what makes them successful. It's their ability at fellatio, their looks, their body, and their enthusiasm for their sex scenes."

Quasarman: "Their names are important in the same way as names are important for a brand of beer."

Sydney Steele: "Sydney, Australia, is one of my favorite places to visit. I didn't know any other Sydneys in the business. A friend gave me Steele."

Michael Raven, her ex-husband: "Steele fits her body. She has a hard body."

* Even porno has its hierarchies. The less porno you are in porno, the better.

Marc Davis: "I did magazines for two years before I did movies. My name is my old roommate's name from 15 years ago. It stuck. It's a little more real than Cal Jammer or Ed Wood or porno names."

Sydney Steele: "I love it when people come in with total porno names. Guys do it especially. I've had to tell so many guys on their first movie to change their last name."

Cut to Dale DaBone.

Brianna Banks says she wanted to be a supermodel when she was a kid. Thus she took on the last name of Tyra Banks.

The documentary shows Brianna with Bobby Vitale's DNA on her chin.

Janine Lindemulder says she used her real name to piss off her Dad. "They wanted me to use Dakota."

Inari Vachs: "I could've chosen Cammy Cumsicle or Kerry Cumdumpster but then you just don't get the same respect."

Brittany Andrews: "It depends on what you're going for. I wanted to have a reputation as a highly-paid, sophisticated, porn star, not a low-class, she'll do anything, not paid well."

L-ke F-rd: "Pornography reduces the performers, and the makers, and the consumers of the product to the absolute lowest level. Its socially redeeming value is ejaculation."