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Brad Williams writes on RAME: "Pornfans: Dumb Suckers or Closet Visionaries?" Looking at the content of ads in most "men's magazines," I see the same pathetic 1-900 ads and "make your penis huge with the Vac-o-Matic supersucker pump" year after year. Then I see "200 videos for 99 cents" ads. It's been this way for time eternal with porn-oriented magazines. Despite the porn industry's woeful sense of marketing and contemptuous attitude towards its source of income, these ads wouldn't be repeated month after month after month if some people weren't forking over money...

"Some of the present malaise that affects porn (8,000 movies a year, cheap budgets, horrible production, low-rent talent… falls back on where the money comes from. If people can get off by calling 1-900 numbers, I as a porn producer wouldn't worry much about lighting, sound, unenthusiastic performers, limp dicks, or even remotely interesting sex scenes.

"Most media outlets are going to grab the dumbest porn performers they can find to prove their point that porn stars are airheads with a few screws loose. I'd like to see them grab some non-rame and none-enlightened porn fans and put them on their shows and radio interviews, and make the raincoater look as bad as the porn star. I can just imagine a talk-show host burning the hell out of some wanker with questions like:

"Do you really think that "spurios" or "specious" "Spanish Fly" makes women want to f--- like nymphos?"

"How big has your dick got since you pump it in a vacuum tube 3 times a day? Ever popped any blood vessels doing this?"

"Do you call 1-900 numbers because you are too lame to get a date with a female you don't have to pay for, loser?"

"Did you really expect to get 100 video tapes delivered to your door for 99cents, moron?"

Roger T. Pipe opines: "This is one strange looking bunch of people. While most FOXE folks, are normal citizens, events like these bring the truly odd from the woodwork. I was with a friend who spent most of the night working on his porn career which left me with his young, attractive, but conservatively dressed date. I can't count the number of drooling mutants who look like direct descendents from the Deliverance porch boy stopped to stare at this young lady as if she had a free flowing beer tap coming from each nipple. MENSings, listen up, that is NOT the way to get a woman to notice you in anything other than a "Hey, isn't he that escaped mental patient" manner. And another thing, don't any of you consider that when a woman is with a couple of guys that ONE of them might be her boyfriend. I am all for visually appreciating beauty in all forms, but fellas, the stop, gawk and spout something like "Hey baby, bet you could make my dick dance" method is a good way to get a beer bottle up side your grille faster than you can

say "I didn't know you had a boyfriend." As if that should matter, you cretins.

"OK, I'm ranting here, MOST, the VAST majority of people there were way cool. Just a few A holes spoil the whole bunch ya know?

"One request for Margold.....PLEASE, For the love of GOD, DO NOT let that freak of humanity Larry anywhere NEAR the event. Has this guy ever even SEEN a woman up close? What kind of loser do you have to be to be like 50 and carrying around Howard Stern signs. Stern worshippers should be pimple-faced little teen boys who dig the fact that he talks about tits, not fully grown men. This guy keeps popping up at events, and I can't find anything remotely redeeming about this mental patient. Listen to Stern all you want, but this walking billboard for lowest common denominator humor has GOT to GO."

Porn writer Wally Wharton received numerous fan letters. "The fans are lunatics. Even the respectable ones have this odd edge to them. They always say something in their letters that makes it clear that they're jerking off when they're writing to me. That's cool, but they take a lot of liberties when they write. They're pathetic souls. You try to give them advice and they don't take it. They hang around when they're not wanted. And if you give them an inch, that's never enough. For example, they get judgmental at times or they'll put down their wives who would probably cry if they knew their husbands were writing to me. I feel bad about that. They don't realize that what I do is entertainment. They feel I'm an authority on the business. I might be, but I don't want to hear about their home lives. Men are basically afraid of women and so they're always trying to pit us against one another. There's a whole genre of erotic film devoted solely to women fighting other women - catfighting." (HEVG)

Wally criticizes FOXE - Fans of X-Rated Entertainment.

"What got me started was the Annabel Chong gang bang debacle. Who show up? The FOXE guys. All of a sudden they're coming to talent meetings held by the Free Speech Association. They're not talent. That's bullshit. A dick in front of a Brownie Instamatic does not constitute talent in this industry.

"These guys are just along for the free ride and the cheap thrill and they waste everybody's time. They show up in some terrible FOXE T-shirt which they probably haven't washed in ten years - not to mention their hair either. They're losers. Perfect for slaves - the inert type that are ripe for the willing dominatrix.

"They suck the life out of you. As performers, we have a lot of energy to put out there. These people are like toadstools...mushrooms...some sort of parasitic fungus. They take energy away from you. They feed off your creative energy. If you don't know that, you suffer by being pulled in all sorts of different directions. Today I was trying to get work done and the phone kept ringing and not one call was about anything important.

"I'm not with the Free Speech Coalition. I'm with the Cheap Talk Coalition. That whole organization is for everything but free speech. The entire time I was with them all they ever did was try to shut me up. Too many egos are involved and that gets in the way of accomplishing anything substantial.

"The organization is for the benefit of manufacturers of adult material. The big issue on the table right now is the pirating of videotapes. It benefits the manufacturers and distributors. There is no concern given for the talent. A few years ago they tried to organize something called the Pink Ladies but it fell apart. I gave a lot of my free time for a year to help the talent, but I realized it was a losing battle. What needs to happen is that the Old Boys Network and the old boys themselves have to die off.

"I think of HEVG as the mother magazine. It gave me my first monthly column. Of course the editor has the final say, but we work well together [before Mike fired her.] Albo took me off the simple task of reviewing movies and let me loose on the industry...

"I have a weakness for certain types of men. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be stop being so goddamn noble." (HEVG)

Wharton's comments about the members of FOXE infuriated Margold and led to the breakup of their friendship.

"Wally slept with [HEVG editor] Mike Albo," says Bill. "He worships her because he's a pathetic slug. If murder were legal, Albo would be one of the first people shot. He's made too many enemies in this business. He enjoys the pain he delivers. He's a man scorned by Nina Suave, by Wally Wharton, by life itself.

"I have letters that he wrote me, thanking me for what I did for him. I was his benefactor and you don't do that to your benefactor. Particularly you don't do that to my organization. You can take me apart, but you can't do that to FOXE (Fans of X-rated Entertainment). You can't call the fans geeks, stalkers and cretins. Don't do that because you have to deal with me, and you'll regret it. I am eternal and none of these people [Wally Wharton, Paul Fishbein and Michael Albo] will last."

After I wrote things on the internet in early 1997 that Bill didn't like, he also predicted my untimely demise. Several other pornographers followed suit, climaxed by Albo's threats in late Spring. At the same time, Mike began spreading the word that Wally was about to die.

Albo says HEVG is meant in fun.

"We always rag on Bill," laughs Albo in the Spring of 1996. "He takes himself so seriously. He's like Jim Holliday in that respect. Personalitywise, Bill and I don't mesh. But I love to get together with Holliday. He amuses the hell out of me. I'm sorry that he took so seriously my remark that he was a "self-proclaimed historian."

"I don't treat porn with reverence. It's immediate, totally disposable pop culture, like rock and roll. I'm not sure any of the current stuff will be talked about it fifty years, and I just don't see the need for a porn historian."

In addition to the FSC, PAW and the XRCO, other Margold creations include FOXE and the naming of the Silver FoxXxes - performers over 40 years of age who knock out "grey bang porn."

Their strip show at the sixth annual FOXE awards may've drawn the loudest applause.

Margold suggests that viewing tapes of the Silver FoxXxes helps men bring alive their fantasies of sleeping with their mothers.

FOXE, Margold's club for porn fans, hosts annual awards shows which attract dozens of performers and hundreds of fans.

In February 1996, Margold took the unprecedented step of banning three persons from the event - Michael Louis Albo, Wally Wharton and groupie Georgia Miles.

"I don't mind when people criticize me," says Margold, "but I won't put up with dumping on the fans."

Both Albo and Wharton rip FOXE.

"I felt uncomfortable at the three FOXE shows I attended before being banned," says Michael. "I felt I was in the middle of a bunch of stalkers. Every guy was like Travis Bickle [the Robert De Niro character in Taxi Driver].

"I felt uncomfortable because many fans didn't treat the women (performers) with respect. They just followed them around trying to grab them."

"Fans followed me around," remembers Wally, "grabbing me. Even when I tried to prepare for my talk, they wouldn't stop. We girls get stalked by fans. It's frightening. Sometimes Bill helps and sometimes he doesn't. 'You're getting what you deserve for creating bad karma', he'll say.

"The next day after FOXE shows I'm black and blue from being grabbed."

"Fans are not grabbing Wally, they're pushing her away," says Margold. "Wally should live long enough to be stalked. She would revel in the stalking.

"What is stalking? Stalking is the perception of attention. People with malevolent minds perceive that anyone who pays them attention is stalking them.

"If Albo, Wally and Georgia kill themselves, people will say that I forced them to. In that I'll take great pride.

"I'm not as cuddly a teddy bear as people think I am. I have an awful lot of teeth and I will sink them into anybody who dares to endanger the overall good I think I'm creating.

"Porn is an important part of society. We get society up and off instead of out in the street with a hatchet in its hand.

"We're a catharsis. I'm upset with people who watch us but won't admit it. That's why I started FOXE. It has 1700 members.

"There's a warmth at a FOXE show that no other event in the industry can capture. I've taken the two great unwashed masses of the business - the fans and the performers - and brought them together in the supreme melting pot which is FOXE. Nothing is asked of them and everything is given to them. And they give to each other. Two three-legged dogs have a greater chance of surviving than one three-legged dog.

"Fans of X-rated Entertainment are like sports fans. They revere the performer. They get the same vicarious thrill watching Tori Welles suck a dick as they get from watching Jerry Rice catch a touchdown.

"I was asked how many axe murderers, stalkers and perverts attended the FOXE Awards? I said "None because of the three people I kept out - Albo, Wharton and Miles.""

"Most people regard sex as a private matter," explains Pat Riley. "Not any kind of people, nor malevolent people nor religious right, just people generally. Most people regard sex as something you don't do in public, certainly not in movies. It's not because they're anti-non-reproductive sex, nor are they pro-censorship. They believe in live-and-let-live. They may even practice promiscuity, especially when young BUT f---ing on screen is too dirty, especially for girls.

"Associating with a porn star is, for most people, and particularly the females, like being near a disease carrier... Look at the contempt in which the stalker conventions are held and the type of people who go there. If you ever wanted to see a walking definition of loser, take a look at Margold's crowd." (RAME)

Curious about Margold's crowd, I attended its sixth annual awards show. About 1000 members showed, mainly men, and disproportionately to the general population, they sported obscene T-shirts, pierced body parts, long hair, jewelry, and a generally rough exterior.

Despite consuming large amounts of alcohol, they generally behaved properly. Those who didn't were whisked away by security.

Throughout the evening, fans surrounded their favorite objects of desire, taking pictures, getting autographs, and at times touching the performer's breasts and other private parts. Men who touched the women inappropriately got slapped.

Near the end of the sixth annual FOXE show, after midnight when most persons had left, the porn girls became raunchier. Two attractive performers put on the hottest show of the night.

I stood next to the stage with about 150 guys pawing at the air like wolves trying to touch the two women. A petite blonde stripper danced first, eventually uncovering her petite body, bending over in front of us and pulling apart her vagina and anus. She wore a ring in her outer vaginal lips and allowed many men to feel between her legs. Not to be outdone, Veronica Brazil ascended the stage and uncovered her big breasted Amazon body. Brazil dominated the blonde, licking her pussy just inches away from us. Then Brazil rolled on top of her, interlocked her legs with those of the blonde, and rubbed her dark pussy back and forth against the golden gash.

Their performance drove us wild but no one jumped on stage.

Afterwards, Brazil and other porn females exposed and stretched their genitalia for fan photos. Brazil frequently pleaded "Please f--- me in the ass," but wouldn't allow anyone to publicly satisfy her urge. (She advertises her sexual services in publications like the LAXPRESS.)

Margold makes identical comments every show, such as: "If society won't admit they're jacking off, they shouldn't be surprised when Congress cuts off their dicks."

"Bill does good work," admits HEVG Editor Michael L. Albo. "He performs a valuable service. Something should be done for fans."

When he's serious rather than hilarious, Albo praises Bill's work with porn fans, free speech and troubled performers.

Jeremy Stone covered the fourth annual FOXE Awards for AFW. He described the fans as "respectful, polite and only suffer from camera-itis when porn stars decide to pose half-naked.

"The fans love him [Margold], as they should. He's the only one savvy enough to see how important they are. The X-rated community at large looks upon the customers as freaks and as something to be avoided. While the smut press and sex workers on every level of the industry effectively suck the dicks of the porn money men to survive, Bill has reached out to the people that line the pockets of the porn big wigs. They are the most responsive, caring and giving people in X, something more of the performers should take the time to find out." (AFW 8/94 p.44-45)

At the request of his friend Brandy Alexandre, Bill banned me from the 1997 FOXE Awards because I "was a threat to the industry."

Margold's dream of Adult Video Consumer Report -- a publication by the fans for the fans - already exists. It's called RAME - the internet newsgroup rec.arts.movies.erotica which Bill despises.

On the last day of April, 1997, he posted: "Before I deliver my "State of the Union" or respond to any of your questions, I'd like to know if you are a member of FOXE, and if you are not, why not? I've noted some animosity toward me and of course must consider your trivial tirades as a form of jealousy. I've been where most men (and women) can only dream about going. My career has been very long, very productive and very positive. Don't judge what you don't know. And don't pretend to be a fan unless you are willing to pay for the right to bray.

"I've always wanted to create "The Adult Video Consumer Report" and the net just might be the place... At least a newsgroup like that would have marginal value unlike certain current newsgroups who suck up any mis-information they can and then regurgitate it out like retarded whales who have swallowed something unpalatable.... I guess ignorance is bliss when one of the false gods RAME bows down to is Luke "Edsel" Ford…"

Mingus of RAME finds bad porn a downer. He knows when he pays that the video he buys or rents may be worthless. Yet, "it's not the disquieting feeling of being gipped or having wasted money… Nor is it the simple but lamentable fact of having wasted valuable moments of your life in futile pursuit of pleasure… It's something more dispiriting than all that, that subtle yet awful cloud that settles over one when coming to the end of another bad porn vid.

"And that's even if you fast-forward through the whole thing! Bad porn - desultory performances, ugly people, droopy dicks, f---ed up camera angles, exclusive reliance on extreme and anonymous closeups, even zapping thru a tape full of such crap is bad for your mental health. It conjures up an aura of personal doom, and this is not a good thing. Bad porn, unerotic filmed sex, is inherently morbid. (On the other hand, hot porn can be positively thrilling.) I rented 3 flicks for 7 bucks a couple of days ago, Asses Galore 9, Up Your Ass 4, and Max Hardcore's Chicks for Free. The last two I picked up primarily because of good things said about them on this newsgroup. Many of the posters here are obviously far more generous to, and/or much more easily pleased by porn product than I, because zapping thru these flicks brought the cloud of doom upon me, people. Renting porn is risk-taking by definition. Still, I should known better than to rent Asses Galore 9, since the boxcover makes a big deal out of the fact that the flick is directed by busy porn stud Vince Vouyer, a dubious selling point if ever there was one. Earlier editions of the series had some hot moment, though, so I chose AG 9 over the other finalist, an Al Borda Dirty vid with nice open assholes on the cover. (I'm sure it's clear by now that anal sex is what I want to see in a porn vid.) Even though Vince's lukewarm stud work is mercifully relegated to the last scene, this flick was a wash, hot ass f---able chicks, including Olivia Del Rio, wasted by whack camerawork and other soft dicks in place of Vince's. Anonymous closeups serve as the anal part of scenes for the most part. Alex Sanders got hard to assf--- a chick late in the flick, but Vince only gave us a minute - that's 60 seconds - of good penetration, not nearly enough to choke the chicken. I did my best Jesse Jackson, though, keeping hope alive until the very end. But there was no blues that I could use, and my mood began to sag.

"Prolific RAME reviewer Roger T. Pipe called Up Your Ass 4 a must-see, and even though I've already seen enough lame Sean Michaels flicks and dickwork to last a lifetime, I was too intrigued by his glowing, rapturous description of the Allyssa Love/Tom Byron scene to not give it a shot. Sean does most of the rest of the f---ing in the flick, with lots of his customary handheld dick packing, all useless, no surprise there. And I didn't have but so high hope for the Allyssa scene, for Sean's direction/camerawork is usually maddeningly distracted to me. It wasn't worthless, but I sure got mad at Sean for that goddamn wandering camera, constantly going away from the action as Tommy pounded Allyssa's ass. Whenever Sean lucked up on a good shot, you'd best believe he immediately panned to something else, a softcore full body, of her bruised ankle, a shot of the furniture. I suppose I should be grateful he didn't give us a shot of himself wanking his foot long softy. Not a must-see, but not completely ruined by would-be auteur Sean. So I'd have to put this flick in the mediocre category. I wasn't despondent, but clearly something was rotten in the state of Denmark. Which brings us to Max's Chicks for Fee. Max reminds me of that old Bessie Smith song, "You Been a Good Old Wagon, Honey But You Done Broke Down." Without getting into a long thing about the aesthetics and philosophy of Max, at one time he was one of the most reliable providers of sustained anal penetration in the porn business.

"Now he uses speculums and toys to compensate for an obviously balky boner, and that shit is just not interesting. He needs the speculums to inspire penetratable rigidity now (much more than in the past - the truth is that he's always been into f---ing chicks with his toys, all fast-forward material for me) so these days, if you wanna see Max assf---ing a chick, you also gotta see that stupid-ass speculum or dildo jammed up her pussy. Without the objects, Max cannot stay hard for any length of time. It's been an evolutionary process, as I say, and as I approach 40, I know my dick doesn't jump to it with the alacrity of former years, so I'm not going to make fun of his obvious aging. But as a pornographer, the boy is losing it, and watching or zapping thru his vids is becoming an imcreasingly cheerless affair. Suffice it to say, by the time I had got thru those three flicks Tuesday, I didn't feel too good no more. Then again, last night I rented Buda, and it had plenty of good erotic assf---ing, and instead of clouds of doom I breathed in an atmosphere of accessible pleasure." (RAME)

Virg wrote to me: "Sandra Scream was dancing and I was sitting at the stage and she asked me to play along. She began dancing in front of me teasing licking her lips rubbing herself. It was fun and I had my photo taken with her. She was very polite and I took it as part of the act. Savannah acted as if it were a bother for her to even be there. Christy Canyon was teasing all the boys and was very popular with all the men she was very fun. Nina Hartley of course is a swinger as well as Ona Zee. I was told they picked up women or men or dancers. Ona Zee even did a Video at Caligula XI with some dancers. I was told that was a wild party but I was not there. Teri Weigel was quite a dancer she looked spaced out but she twirled her hair endlessly and really put on a good show. Vanessa Del Rio was nothing special but she was polite. Victoria Paris was nice but nothing special. One thing I did find was that most the actress were a LOT smaller than I thought they would have been.

"I used to live in Dallas, Texas and visited Caligulia XI many times to see the porno stars. On one evening ginger Lynn was scheduled to appear. There was even a billboard of her advertisement up. She never showed. I heard that Lynn had overdosed and was taken to the hospital. The entire staff and management was very upset. A few weeks later they had her back… I guess money talks. The nicest I met had to be Seka who invited me and a waitress back to her hotel for drinks. I declined. The rudest had to be the late Savannah who had an attitude and acted as if it was a bother for her to be there. Nina Hartley was also very nice. Janine Lindemulder was polite and professional. Her boyfriend Ricki is the luckiest guy on earth."

Dithering: "It is said that three evolutionary traits propelled modern humans ahead of the rest of the animal kingdom: a complex brain capable of creating and using language, bipedalism (we walk on two legs), and a fully opposable thumb. But because of pornography, I have lost my uniquely human qualities, which makes me sub-human.

I was once a well-spoken chap, with a natural gift for language. But that was before I saw Lois Ayres bouncing on a stiff dick and taking a tangy facial in the Devil In Miss Jones 3, which started me down this filthy road. And look at me now; a beer-drinking, strip-club-going, dirty-picture-downloading, blow-job-purchasing, low-class swine, wanking-off and muttering words like f----slut and cock-socket towards humans previously known as women.

Thanks to Roger Tipe's reviews, I can no longer pronounce semen. Instead, I can only utter nut-juice, cum-shake, protein-bath, facial-frosting, splooge, and spunk. So I owe a hearthy thank-you-very-much to the men who created the late 20th-century porn industry and destroyed my ability to use language.

What's that got to do with walking upright, you ask? Well, as mingus5b@mailcity.com once theorized, bad porn is depressing and bad for your mental health. Since I am bombarded with bad movies from Loretta Sterling, I am constantly depressed and unable to walk. In fact, I can only get around by crawling on all fours to rent yet another tape of Mila pushing spunk out of her rectum and drinking the fluid. Thank you very much Rob Black et al. Porn has made me so depressed I can't walk.

But worst of all is the loss of my thumbs. Your bloody thumb is what makes human hands such wonderful appendages. It is the thumb that allowed early humans to create tools and helps modern-day males masturbate efficiently. Maybe this is why I am so bitter at losing my thumbs. And how did porn contribute to the loss of both thumbs?

This proliferation of schlocky movies that depress me to the point of slithering around on all fours also causes excessive wear-and-tear on my thumbs from constantly pressing the fast-forward button with alacrity.

My poor thumbs are just nubs, replete with ligament and nerve damage from having to fast-forward past virtually everything.

My plastic surgeon looked at my nubs (er, thumbs) and shook his head sadly when I asked about my prognosis. (He did offer to amputate the nubs and install two soccer balls in my chest to boost my self-esteem).

This charlatan suggested I seek counseling to overcome the anxiety of losing the final remnant of my humanity. But frankly, I am too embarrassed to explain to a therapist how I destroyed both of my thumbs by fast-forwarding through porn movies.

Who but a true-blue pornateer can understand the necessity of fast-forwarding past the 1-900-CUM-f----ME ads? Or fast-forwarding past the 15 minutes displaying Ed Powers' dumpy buttocks because the camera is sitting on the tripod as an afterthought? Or fast-forwarding past the part where Powers moans like a baby for the 90 seconds before and after his orgasm. Or fast-forwarding past the wasted footage on female/female scenes? Or, in my case, fast-forwarding past the ever-present anal scenes and the obligatory ass-to-mouth maneuver.

Fast-forwarding past spitting and slapping and verbal abuse and toilet scenes and squirting and contrived female orgasms screamed at high-decibel levels and speculums. Fast-forwarding over and over, tape after tape. Fast-forwarding my life away (sounds like a song, doesn't it?).

Now that my thumbs are gone and I am no longer human, my new moniker in life is "Fast-Forward".

7/31/99

Alinfl writes on RAME: Is the actual process of being a "fan" of a specific adult female performer emasculating? I'm not talking about being turned on by a particular woman and wanting to watch he videos. I'm talking about when someone actually joins a fan club, writes adoring letters, stands in line at appearances to get an autographed photo, etc. I tend to think it is.

While most of these women will smile, act friendly, engage in some conversation when they interact with fans and of course, accept their money, you know in their gut they have little respect for them as men. I would bet that few, if any, of these women have ever seriously dated a guy whose introduction to her was as a fan. It's kind of the same as real life- when you try to win a woman's affections by putting her up on a pedestal and being really nice, they see the guy as a wimp and lose interest. It's the same in porn world.....fan equates to wimp.

I bring the date aspect up because I believe that most guys who go to the length of paying money to join a fan club, write letters, and stand in line to get an autographed photo are hoping for a personal connection. I think most guys desperately hope that somehow they'll stand out among the other fans, she'll express an interest, and consider the possibility of getting together with this one special guy. Most guys realize it's an extreme longshot but worth a chance. A few pitiful men honestly think they have a real chance. The problem is - once they've approached her as a fan, the chance is already over.

I once read an interview with the adult performer Anisa at the time she was quitting. She stated that she thought men who watch adult videos are weak, and that she preferred men who didn't watch the stuff. My gut feeling is that most women in the industry feel the same way.

Another example I noticed was Asia Carrera. She writes updates of what's going on in her life on her website. After writing in great length about her breakup with her recent boyfriend and what she is looking for in a man, she specifically states that she doesn't want e-mails from guys interested in a relationship. Translation- "The man I'm looking for would never be a fan of mine. He's not some guy who masturbates to my videos and reads my website. He's either a guy in the industry who doesn't kiss my ass, or he's an independent businessman- a man of the world- who doesn't watch adult videos and would never gush over me the way a fan does."

If I lived in an apartment complex in southern California, and one day I noticed a woman in the business I was really hot for lived next door, the absolute LAST THING I would ever do is let her know that I recognize her from the adult movies. I would act like I've never seen her before and have no idea what she does. Because if I called her by her stage name, gushed how I had seen her videos and thought she was great, I would be immediately relegated to 'nice guy wimp' status with no chance of getting to know her better.

Sorry this post is so long. It isn't meant in a condescending way toward those of you who have engaged in fan behavior, because I am guilty of it myself. While I have never joined a fan club, I have written letters to three adult performers in the past. Though it's embarrassing to admit, I guess when I was writing a fan letter I was hoping for some sort of connection. I realize that all I had really done was emasculate myself in their eyes.

Someone writes to RAME: A friend of mine is a very well-known woman who leads a rock band. Like all celebrities, she receives an enormous amount of fan mail. Most of it gets screened out by her staff, and they pass on only those from people they know she would want to hear from. Plus they have the usual "nut" file where they keep the over-the-top letters that are threatening or from someone seriously disturbed ("you had my baby," "your lyrics were intended to be a secret message only to me," etc).

Anyway, she doesn't view these fans as "wimps." But she does view them merely as scenery on the highway through her public life. All of her "relationships" (including mine) either predated her stardom or came about through some other connection outside the scope of fandom, like other musicians, friend of a friend, etc. As soon as she meets someone who adopts the usual fan jabber, she instinctively keeps them at arm's length because what the fan is associating with at that moment isn't her but, rather, her stage persona.

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