Home

Back to Essays



Wednesday, December 15, 1999

Vivid Party

A low turnout at last night's Vivid party at the Congo Room. No Vivid girls aside from Sky and Tori Welles who looked horrible.

Luke went to a Torah class instead.

Lots of webmasters including Joe Elkin, Brad Shaw. No AVNers. Lots of celebrities including basketball player John Salley, Mexican comic Paul Rodriguez and actor Jimmy Smits. Male porners included Mr Marcus and Vince Voyeur and Bobby Vitale. A beautiful room with an open bar. Bands were hot, including Everclear. Probably a $150,000 party. David Schlessinger ran the show.

Steve writes: I just discovered your web site and find it terrific. I don't know if this kind of of info is useful or not but I recently met Stephanie swift at a strip club here in Providence called the Foxy Lady. It was 3 o'clock tuesday afternoon and the place wasn't exactly hopping, so I got a good seat. Steph put on what I would consider an "average" show. Full nudity, no penetration (as per state law). Afterwards, at the now prerequisite $15.00 polaroid area I had the opportunity to sit and talk to her. This is where it gets somewhat interesting: I complemented her on her recent cover appearence for Hustler's TABOO. On the cover she is down up in medical gear, neck brace etc. According to her the cover and the entire pictoral almost didn't make it into the magazine because the lawyers were afraid she looked too young, like a twelve year old. And inside the magazine they were worried that it was too heavy on the S&M, they didn't want it to appear she was being raped.

The Approaching Storm

Peter Luther Christian, OBE, writes:

Dear Mr. Ford:

During the recent debate among republican presidential candidates, George W. Bush was asked to name his favorite political philosopher. His answer is a strong portent of change that your readers would do well to heed: Mr. Bush replied: "Christ, because he changed my heart."

When asked to explain, Bush responded: "Well, if they don't know, it's going to be hard to explain," he said. "When you turn your heart and your life over to Christ, when you accept Christ as the Savior, it changes your heart. It changes your life. And that's what happened to me."

Change is fast approaching. The production of pornography is not possible if you are at one with Christ, and if Gov. Bush becomes President, the porn merchants of human pain (is not Ms. Jade in pain for porn?) will have a mighty new foe to contend with.

If the middle-aged men of Hebraic descent now in charge of this business would but accept Christ into their lives, the very existence of this industry would come to an end, and many plastic surgeons in Hollywood would see their income drop.

I believe that God has placed you in the world of pornography for the same reason he made Rome the center of the western world during the time of Jesus and changed the heart of Saul of Tarsus. So that you might use your gifts to bring others to Christ. You know, we are all taught by our parents when we are young that our bodies are our temples. Porn merchants are the money changers of that temple, and you Mr. Ford, are being called by Christ to chase them out. Porners take heed!

Luke: I'm in tears. That is beautiful. But what does O.B.E. mean?

Luther replies: Dear Mr. Ford:

And you call yourself a Son of the Southern Cross? As every loyal subject of the Queen knows, "O.B.E." is an honorific, standing for "Order of the British Empire", bestowed upon those whose deeds have been especially meritorious and recognized as such by the Queen. I wager that few, if any, of your self obsessed readers will ever merit such praise.

Yours in Christ, Peter Luther Christian, OBE

Why Can't Porn Chicks Keep Their Mouths Shut, When They're Not Sucking Dick?

Lou Cypher writes: what up luke? merry chanukkah and happy christmas. just a few yuletide bleatings i wanted to get off my saline/silicone free chest: why is it porn chicks use your site as some sort of cyber-therapist whenever they've bitten life off in a chunk bigger than they can chew? (i won't even get into swallowing here).

it's like a broken condom, i mean record, ya know? the world is against me, the business is against me, the trenchcoat cloaked smut consumer is against me. why does everyone talk smack about me. notice anything redundant about that paragraph. its the word me.

i swear to god that these deluded, inflated, jaded and multi-masturbated broads wouldn't be able to form a coherent thought (or incoherent thought given most of the rambling nonsense found here) unless that two letter word is peppered in out and around about their entire dialogue.

earth to whiny, misinformed porn chicks - the center of the universe is the sun, not you. thanks for f---ing and sucking for the viewing pleasure of scumbags and letches everywhere. we appreciate what you do for what it is, those of you that actually know what you're doing that is. but you've got to realize that you engage in an activity most men's right and/or left hand has mimiced throughout our post pubescent lives.

it's not like we can't live without you. most men would prefer a warm, fleshy fun box over their g.i. joe with the kung fu grip style hand to gland combat, but we are more than willing to pass on any and all broads who can't keep their yap shut. (except for the testosterone-deprived pussywhipped poor excuse for a man guys who can't think for themselves unless a woman gives their brain a stamp of approval - they like marching orders).

believe me, if i had to listen to any of the squawking heard so frequently here on your site by these skeezers from one or both of my hands i would run to the nearest lumber yard and shake hands with a wood chipper. my point is be happy for what you've got. we all have our cross to bear but when you continually cry about how heavy it is or that the nails hurt your palms, we can't help but chastise you. just drag it through the crowded masses in town and take your place up on the hill until its over. you'll be going to a better place, its ok.

i know this monotonous monologue may be somewhat out there, but i can't help but get caught up in the holiday spirit and share the thoughts of esteemed african-american patriot Rodney King over a steaming mug of mad dog 20/20 and egg nog: "Can't we all just shut the f--- up!"

Lou says he is not the husband of Jessica Darlin. He writes: is she related to jessica rabbit? hell no brother. i like sweet girls that only act like porn sluts behind closed doors, not sound stages. i'd be perpetually disgusted by dating any woman that took ron jeremy's cock in her ass, whatever the reason. i'm a simple, enlightened male who refuses to be blinded to women's trickery just because my balls swell if i don't blow a load once a day.

Kendra: "I was reading your site today and everybody was so full of nice things to say about me. That I didn't need surgery and was gorgeous and stuff like that. Where were those people a month ago when I needed them? When everybody was saying Kendra's really ugly, Kendra's a bitch."

Sergio: Well, dear... I was in Brazil, so it's kinda hard to be there. But tell me, honey, why are you so p.o.? Don't mind about PORN, dear. It's just... porn. One of the cheapest forms of entertainment around. Put your nose up and go find better stuff for you. Cause by what I'm reading, porn is destroying you.

"Journalism is just a GUN. It's only got one bullet in it, but if you AIM right, that's all you NEED. Aim it right, and you can blow a kneecap of the world." -- Warren Ellis

Fred writes Luke: So why do you think Ms. Jade had plastic surgery? Was this an economic decision? Or do you think a large amount of her sense of self-worth is tied up in the way she looks, and she neede surgery to augment her sense of self worth. Is this vanity or economics?

Have you ever heard of a guy in the industry doing this sort of thing? I suppose some guys take steroids to make them look more like a hunk, but from what I can tell, no male in the porn industry does anything to make himself look better although I suspect that a small number of them actually go to the gym and work out. I think Ed Powers could save a lot of money by simply putting a paper bag over his head.

Ciny Plenum writes: Hey Luke, Kendra is wrong about me. I have always had the highest respect for the sacrafices she has made to help guys like you work out your ten-digit sex fantasies. I was empathizing with her, since I had done pretty much the same thing, only using more natural techniques. (Really, nothing makes for a nice bee-sting look than real bees. And NOOOO, not that I am prejudiced, but I did NOT let them use any africanized bees on MY lips!) Please tell her that I am rooting for her. If anyone wants the name of my doctor, tell em to contact me and I will put them in touch. (He does not want his name posted on your web site - I asked him about it.)

You told Kendra that I date this Chaim guy. Is there really a Chaim Amalek? I have never met anyone with that name. I never see him participate in PST, which, for a guy who writes as much as he you would think he would, right? Lukey, I am starting to think that he is an alter-egpo of yours. I mean, the guy tells you to enter some millionaire contest, and the next thing we hear, you have. What is he, your control? Are you a scientologist? Seriously, I do not think he even exists. Has anyone, other than you, ever met him? Has he ever spoken to anyone you know? I didn't think so. From now on, I will assume that either "Luke F-rd" is the made up name of Chaim Amalek, or that Chaim Amalek is the made up name of Luke F-rd. Please give Kendra my best wishes for a speedy and full recovery, and the hope that all her scars, visible or not, will fade with time.

Sergio writes: Miss, have you ever met a jew called "Ford"? Amalek is LF's REAL name...

Sin City director Kris Kramski writes: Just barely getting out of my divorce. Sold my house. My wife snatched most of the money. I am in the process of relocating - bought a house in east LA - A little disorganized at present - Live in boxes - Still haven't unpacked yet. But that's life... Isn't it? Completing the editing of my last film: BELLE DE JOUR / and sound work on PORNOVISION

BudBud writes Luke from Old Vienna, Austria: Stumbled into your site a couple of month ago and enjoy it a lot since then. Nevertheless some suggestions to issues occuring recently:

1.) As Iīm a porn-watcher and store-owner from Europe I donīt know all the actors/actresses that are named on your site, so I would propose you add any kind of photo to their bios because many of them havenīt got their own site, and I would really like to know who is who and about whom the rumors are told.

2.) I donīt think that male performers donīt matter to porn watchers. Reason: A good performer brings some sort of chemistry into a scene that influences the girlīs performance a lot ( though there are a lot of female actors who act and scream like video and sound samples no matter who does them actually)

3.) My personal "budbud award" ( good idea to invent a LUKEY!!) goes to Ben Dover. OK, he makes purely Gonzos, but he always catches the best moments and make his actors push to the limit. So if any of you Americans never heard of these British productions, watch out for them and you will never called the British conservative again.

Edwalls writes on RAME about Sin City's Nikki Fritz: I looked through Luke's site and see him mentioning that she was working for Sin City in Marketing but don't see where it says she's doing XXX. I do see where one of his sources, whom Luke refers to as "XXX" talks about her. I think you confused it. Nikki does some hot stuff on her live cam she runs now, and did a pretty hot layout with Kira Reed for Ken Marcus, but nothing hardcore.

Ed O'Brien writes: I didn't see anything on his site regarding Nikki doing hardcore, but she is working for Sin City. If you want to see her do XXX (and boy, don't we all) I think we'll be waiting a long time. I could see her maybe doing some girl/girl, but Nikki has always been shy when it comes to explicit shots like leg spreads and has always kept a kind of dignity, never eploiting herself beyond her own control. But you never know...the money might be too good to pass up. Nikki herself has said in the past that while she supports the adult industry she has no intentions of performing real sex on camera. But we've heard that before (Bo Saint, anyone?) C'mon, Nikki, you'd make a killing!

The Jewish Millenium

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments, writes: I believe that the next thousand years will be a Jewish millenium. It doesn't take a great leap of faith to agree with me. All around us Judaism is breaking free of its previously closed shell. The world's oldest monotheistic faith is busting out of its cloister. For the first time in its three thousand-year history, Judaism is going mainstream. Mega-stars are studying Kabbalah, going to Synagogue, and enjoying it. Rabbis and Jewish thinkers are regularly sought by the mainstream press for their opinions on a wide variety of issues. Broadcasters promoting Jewish teachings and morality like Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager flood the airwaves. Non-Jewish University students are coming to Jewish events in ever larger numbers. In my eleven years at Oxford we had far more non-Jewish students regularly attending our events and my classes than Jewish students, and they numbered in their thousands. And books like Thomas Cahill's Gifts of the Jews are topping the best-seller charts.

Count on this trend to continue. Judaism is fast becoming to the West what Buddhism was for the past twenty years: a spiritual system which people do not convert to, but look to as the source of their spirituality, irrespective of affiliation or identity. I do not believe that millions of non-Jews will convert to Judaism. They will not. Nor should they. Rather, in the same way that millions of westerners adopted individual components of Eastern Buddhist and Hindu spirituality by meditating or practicing yoga, the same is true of the Jewish faith. The core components and ideas of our religion will serve as the main spiritual model for millions of professional men and women.

The mainstreaming of Judaism and its adoption as the spiritual model for millions of Jews and even more non-Jews should come as no surprise to those whose fingers are on the pulse of modern life. Here's why.

THE DUALIST SOCIETY ------------------- For the past 2,000 years in the west, we have lived in a Christian world whose main theme is dualism. Christianity created a "dualist society" where G-d and the world, our souls and our bodies, our minds and our hearts, were in conflict. Humans have been conditioned to believe that that they must choose between lust and love, altruism and mammon, ambition and piety, and spirituality and materialism. Christianity fashioned a world in which celibate monks were cheered for sequestering themselves in monasteries and vows of poverty guaranteed entry into the kingdom of heaven. To be spiritual, the needs of the flesh had to first be sacrificed to the ascetic pleasures of the soul. And for the past millenium, this philosophy worked. The earth's inhabitants accepted that they could not have it all and they readily surrendered the ephemeral pleasures of this earth for the eternal rapture of heaven.

This is the first generation, however, who does indeed insist on having it all. The principal characteristic of modern men and women is the rejection of dualism. They have rejected the belief that they need to choose between spirituality and materialism. Never has there been a more ambitious, materialistic society that yet reads more self-help books in search of deeper spirituality and greater personal growth. Young men and women today are incredibly career-oriented and self-indulgent. They work themselves to the bone so that they can shop, vacation, and indulge in a materialistic orgy of cars and techno-gadgets. But on their vacations, while they bronze their bodies in skimpy bikinis parading their sexuality, they sit on the beaches and read books like The Road Less Traveled and Care of the Soul. As they surf the web and check in on the blondes who have installed e-cameras in their college dorms, they also register with content-oriented sites that teach them how to maximize their spiritual potential. In short, this generation has rejected the deceptive deal that had been previously offered to them forcing them to choose between heaven and earth. They want the spiritual and materialistic world simultaneously. Today we want to be successful, but we are redefining success to include not only financial prosperity but also the attaining of spiritual enlightenment.

And this is why Judaism is the perfect spiritual system for "Generation X," the "X" representing the confluence and merging of the dual spiritual and material modalities. The quintessential posture of the Jewish Bible is monism. There is one G-d and He is everywhere. You don't have to choose!

When G-d gave the Torah at Mt Sinai, He came down to earth and made the world holy. There is an all encompassing divine unity at the heart of creation. In Jewish spirituality -- a powerful philosophy of synthesis -- the objective is not to relinquish the earth and go to heaven, but to create heaven on earth. Hence, Judaism is the only religion that from its inception has celebrated sex rather than castigating it.

You want to be rich? The Jewish message is not "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God (Matthew 19:24)." Rather, the message is, Aspire to become a billionaire. Just give a lot of charity.

You love sex? No problem. Have the wildest sex (and the Talmud teaches you how) - but do it with your spouse. You love expensive cuisine and big fancy houses? No problem. Just have guests at your dinner table to share your abundance. And you want to be famous? Indulge your desire. Just make sure you become famous for all the good things you do for those less fortunate.

The ancient world began adopting core Jewish spiritual institutions. The Roman thinker Seneca castigated the Jews as lazy for resting on the Sabbath. Of course, today the entire world has adopted the Jewish Sabbath as a day or rest, be it Sunday, Friday, or Saturday. The same is true of the Jewish belief in linear history, progress, and the Messianic promises of tomorrow. The world has rejected the ancient cyclical model wherein man was condemned to fate and has embraced the Jewish outlook wherein man lives in hope. In the coming decades we will begin to see the modern world following suit. More and more of the earth's inhabitants will be adopting core Jewish practices. Not because Judaism is a better religion than the world's other great faiths, but because it is more suited to our times.

AN AGE OF NOISE --------------- In this era of cell phones, beepers, email, Internet and fax machines, humans are subjected to work and noise seven days a week, twenty four hours a day. People are rarely afforded a moment of solitude and can hardly think. Thus, even non-Jews will begin to embrace the particular Jewish observance of the Sabbath as a way to turn off the noise, and gain back a sense of serenity and peace. Get ready to see more and more non-Jewish families setting aside one day a week in which they don't answer the telephone and don't surf the net. These days will be designated uninterrupted family days wherein cell phones and Palm Pilots are switched off. If you think this is a bit exaggerated, take the millenium eve as the ultimate example. Here you have what should be the biggest party for a thousand years. You'd expect people to be running to concerts and discos. Instead, Time Magazine's cover story (29 November) reported that more men and women are going to be spending the millenium eve at home with their families, opting to reject the hoopla and commercialism for something "more simple and meaningful." Sounds a lot like a Jewish Shabbos to me. And why not? Millenium eve is a Friday night.

AN AGE OF SCANDAL ----------------- We are living in a time with more scandal and flawed famous people than ever before. Hardly a day passes without someone who had previously been a hero being exposed for errant behavior. People are afraid to run for politics for what the press might dig up about them. People are yearning to contribute to society but are being told that because they are flawed, they have nothing to give. Here again Judaism says that world redemption - making the world a better place - should be put before personal salvation. An essential Jewish message is that even imperfect people can contribute vastly to the world's perfection. Bill Clinton's having survived the Monica Lewinsky affair was an example of Jewish values triumphing over Christian values. Most of the Christian clergy were calling for his head. After all, in Christianity faith and personal salvation supercede action and world redemption. But the message the American people gave was this: If he's doing a good job for the country, then he should be allowed to stay and get on with his job, whatever his shortcomings. Oscar Schindler was a man known for womanizing, drinking, swearing and other scandalous behavior. In his personal life he was a mess. However, he was responsible for saving the lives of over 1200 Jews. Adolph Hitler, on the other hand - impeccable in his personal life --never smoked, drank, cursed or cheated on Eva Braun. Yet this man was responsible for the destruction of millions of innocents. The Jewish message that people should be judged by their contribution to society rather than the content of their character is gaining ground and is the perfect spiritual message for today's generation of self-centered people who still have a social conscience.

AN AGE OF LONELINESS -------------------- Loss of intimacy is a primary characteristic of the modern world. There are more broken relationships and more loneliness then ever before. Divorce in the United States has reached 63 percent of all marriages since 1980. People work harder than ever before and neglect their spouses and children in the process. They have better relationships with their laptops than they do with their loved ones. The Jewish emphasis on family, community, respect for parents, and regularly celebrating festivals together is a wholesome remedy. We see more and more nations aping the Jewish model of community. Witness the fact that the Dalai Lama consulted a group of Jewish spiritual leaders about how to preserve the integrity of his spiritual community in the absence of a national homeland, an encounter immortalized in the book "The Jew in the Lotus".

REDISCOVERING THE LITTLE THINGS ------------------------------- Embraced by gurus of the popular culture including Madonna and Sandra Bernhard, the Kabballah, which explores the mystical side of Judaism, teaches us to embrace little sparks of everyday experience and the seemingly insignificant moments. The main objective of the Kabballah is the sanctification of the mundane and the everyday, helping us overcome the monotony and boredom of routine existence. This is especially crucial to modern society where our lives are lived in anticipation of "the big moment." Life today has got to be a thrill a minute. Modern existence is an ongoing search for fireworks displays wherein people get bored incredibly fast and will do anything to counter their boredom, even being prepared to sit for hours on end in front of a television for a bit of banal entertainment. Every night people are rushing out to movies, restaurants, and theatres. The result, of course, is rapid burnout. What has been lost is a down-to-earth appreciation for the simple joys of reading the great classics, playing with our children, humming inspiring melodies, and taking long strolls by the riverside. Instead, we watch videos and DVD's at home that transport us into a false world of fantasy and adventure. People have forgotten how to be engaged by life's wholesome moments. Boredom and falling out of love have become the number one causes of divorce. Even spouses are becoming strangers to each other and are prepared to compromise their marital vows for a cheap thrill with a stranger. But the mystical side of Judaism reminds us that there are spiritual sparks scattered throughout the world, from the majestic mountain peaks to the slums of the city. The Infinite is everywhere. Kabballah conditions man to discover the intensity and electricity of simple undertakings like prayer and friendship. Every moment and every place can be special. This understanding instills each moment with purpose so that we can overcome the otherwise boring drudgery of everyday life without the empty, superficial hype which has become the hallmark of the modern world. This explains why Kabballah has become so immensely popular especially among celebrities who are struggling to wean themselves off addictive, artificial highs (and often drugs) and adjust themselves to a healthier life pace which allows them to smell the roses. For so many moderns, life is like a sprint in which we try to reach riches and success. Unfortunately, for many the finish line turns out to be a hollow life and an internal death. The purpose of the Kabballah is not to slow us down, but to lift us up so that we achieve the same objectives with the same degree of excitement while avoiding the tragic consequences of a life lived in the fast lane.

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS --------------------- No, this section isn't just a plug for Kosher Sex and my other books on relationships. But I do believe that Judaism's wondrous teachings on how to sustain sexual passion in relationships and how to engender greater intimacy in relationships is perhaps our best-kept secret. Seven publishers told me that a book by a Rabbi on sex would never succeed. Non-Jews would never be interested. But it's not the thirteen translations, tens of reprints, and the international success of the book which has proved them wrong. Rather, it's the hundreds of non-Jewish couples who have begun to institute a period of sexual abstention in their marriages just like religious Jewish couples, even though they may never go to the mikvah. Likewise, they warmed to the Biblical message of rediscovering sex as the highest form of knowledge. Couples crave intimacy, men and women want to draw closer, and Judaism, with its emphasis on sex as the perfect celebration which can sew two strangers together as one flesh, is leading the way.

A Jewish wave is a-coming. For eleven years in Oxford I witnessed it swelling. It's gonna make a big splash in all the world's cities. Tons of non-Jews are already surfing the wave. Many more will follow. The only question that really remains is how many Jews will join them.

Luke: Porner converts to Judaism include Ron Sullivan, Luke F-rd and Jenna Fine. And think of the thousands of lives that they have touched.

Chaim Amalek writes: I cannot decide whether this rabbi is a huckster or a fool. The latter, to the extent that he believes what he says; the former, to the extent that he does not. Tell us rabbi, when does this new wave extend beyond Hollywood, the rich, and academia to encompass the lucky denizens of the Russian Federation or the Islamic world?

AMALEK (friend to goows, girls, and goyim - advocate of putting the soft "g" back in "goy")

PS If I can make it, I will attend a similarly meaningful lecture by some New York jewish academic on the topic of whether jews are "white." Unfortunately, it coincides with our annual Christmas Party, so I face some really tough choices.