Sunday, December 12, 1999
Happy Days Are Here Again
Ridley99 writes on RAME: 5 reasons 1999 was a great year for porn. Personally 1999 was a great year for me in regards to pornography. i went from a buyer to a renter. This increased my porn watching potential 10 fold. I discovered 3 excellent rental stores and made the most of my opportunities. and here are my 5 reasons why 1999 was a great year for porn.
# 5 Cocksucking Championship. This little ditty starring Shanna McCullogh and Inari Vachs was a classic. high art in the blow job medium. Inari literraly tries to suck the life out of the dicks placed in front of her. But its when the sperm flies, thats when this vido really takes off. To see Inari grab a surprised Shanna and spit a mouth full of drool/cum into Shannas mouth. And then to see the indescribable nasty look on Inari's face is to be in porn watchers Nirvana. Inari seems to literrally get drunk on cum. She makes a mess out of poor Shanna. I don't know where to find this video , i was lucky enough to cum across it at my favorite video-store it seems to be # 1 in a series.But try to find it, It succeeds not because of great direction or even a great idea, it succeeds because Inari is allowed to run wild, the camera loves Inari. She is the next big thing.
#4 Dr Fellatio 16-19. I always thought the Dr Fellatio series was dullsville but something has happened to this old fuddy duddy it has gotten hip in a heartbeat. The girls are nasty and they look into the camera with nasty sneers and call you a pervert--" you like that don't you ,you little pervert " and since the girl then proceeds to suck that dick like her life depended on it i say YES. Dr Fellatio # 19 features some really good cock sucking and a lot of nasty ,drooling,spitting,cum-eating bitches, i especially like the scenes that feature 2 girls on one Dorkel. The girls really work well together, and the camera catches the reactions of one girl looking at the other suck the dick. Whoever is directing these Dr Fellatios he sure knows what the f--- he's doing.
# 3 Rodney Moore. either Rodney Moore is on Viagra or his dick just magically got a lot harder ,whatever,he is getting better. He has produced some pretty nice videos in 1999. With PRETTY GIRLS thats right pretty girls. Drool Planet has some nice scenes. But my favorite scene in that video does not feature Rodney or for that matter Drool. there is a scene with A SEXY " tiny " blonde with one of the sweetest asses i have scene in a long time,she and slutty brunette double team a black guy . This Black guy would give Lexington Steele a run for his money dick wise. My favorite part about this scene is when the two girls are giving the dude head, the brunnette is sucking on top while the Blonde is down between his legs. The Brunete says " s--- i almost let go of your dick it would have knocked her out" there it something so nasty about that,that it gets me off everytime.Maybe its because its true. the guys dick is so big and shes so small-- it would have knocked her out if dropped on top of her head.
#2 Lexington Steele. This cross between Mr Marcus and Sean Michaels is tearing up the girls like few have ever done it before. His dick is long,thick and always as hard asl--STEEL. He goes about his work with a lust and enjoyment we haven't seen in a while. The reason is his dick is always hard, he doesnt have to worry about keeping wood, so he can just about do anything he wants with his dick. No ass-hole or pussy or position is out of his league. His scene with Aspen Brock where he f---s her in the ass and makes her cry in " Gangbang Auditions 3 " was one of the high-lights of the year. " should he pull out' the director asks " no,no once your in don't pull out." Aspen says through the tears. finally the girls are getting a f---in they deserve. To see Lexinton plow his dick in to the hilt and to hear the girls yelp, is what its all about BABY .
#1 American Bukkake. Beautiful girls plastered by cum. 50-100 guys going Peter North style on the faces of quivering females is spectacle we haven't scene since the days of the Romans. Harley Ranes was the prettiest but others have been drenched better.One girl had about 2 pounds of sperm on her face most of it in her eyes at the same time she is holding a bowl full of cum which she tries to drink down in the finale. Each video features 3 scenes. The first is usually the lamest, the 2nd is pretty good and the third anchors the video, its here where the girls really get blown up. There is this wierd dude in these video's he has a dick that looks like a roll of baloney. His Foreskin is as thick as burlap and when he comes lts like a combination of Rodney Moore and Peter North. He squeeze the cum out of his dick so vigourously its funny and perverse. They save him for last and he kind of pushes the girls over the edge. His cum must be real hot or something because they all jump out of their skin when he lets loose.
So 1999 was a great year for porn.Gonzo rules and stories are a thing of the past and thats a good thing. The Max- Hardcores and Robert Blacks seem to have moved to the back of the pack. And other directors and producers have emerged,they have proven you can be nasty and still have fun. Pornography should not be a gynecological exam or a circus act it should be hot,fun and nasty. HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN.....
Stick responds: This guy Ridley99 sure seems to have a fascination with the penis. All of his favorite things involve dick sucking, big dicks, big erections, and knocking out girls...with a big dick. Just seems all a little too Freudian to me.
Matt Zane
Who does a no-talent hack like Matt Zane get so much press? He reminds me of myself.
Ron writes on RAME: Can anyone tell me about Matt Zane? There was a five page piece on him in a Dutch magazine recently, and it said he's the biggest pornstar now and that he's saving the adult business. Is this true? Judging from the photo's that were published with the article (clips from his movies), I find it hard to believe. The girls and guys (including Zane himself) looked terrible. So...is he really as big as the magazine here wrote?
Mike South replies: Matt Zane is to porn as Ron Jeremy is to mainstream...irrelevant at best. and his movies SUCK.
Torris: Yeah, all those Zane videos clogging up the AVN 1-10 best sellers. Thank you slacker jesus for saving porn. Glad to see you're not as gullible as the Dutch press over there. Let me guess this interview took place in a local hash bar.
Ultradamno writes: Now, we can't hang it all on the Dutch, Torris, without even trying I've read eerily complimentary pieces about Matt Zane in domestic popular culture rags such as Spin, Rolling Stone, Raygun, etc. This guy's agent earns his or her keep.
Sin City producer Matt Taylor says: "There have been guys that have f---ed me but no ones cares."
Jim Gunn: "I have a phrase there's no way to bottom out in the porn biz...somone will always hire you."
Mike South writes on RAME on why women go into porn: One is the Feature who has decided to do porn because it will boost her rates, she is strictly in it for the money, you and they know who they are.
What I get mostly though is the girls who have grown up with centerfolds being viewed as a sort of sexual perfection if you will and Television actors and actresses as role models and cultural icons. Combine this with an inherent desire to be sexually desired and you have a perfect opportunity for a girl who is comfortable with her sexuality and does not harbor guilt feelings about performing sex for the world to see.
It is much more commonplace for the under 30 girls to feel this way these days, its a thrill to see yourself on television and for many females its a thrill to think that men all over the world are watching and desireing her. But the girls I shoot are generally taking advantage of this thrill but dont want to move to LA and become pornstars, they can do it relatively safely, they rarely get recognized unless they want to be. Porn has even gained a degree of acceptability, particularly as a rebellion against society kind of thing. The baby boomer females are getting older and less desireable so they are using the mainstream media to force feed all the asexual, equality, dont be a sex object crap, while the younger girls are saying back hey...I LIKE being a sex object while I can, it is a way for me to be empowered at an age where few other professions can give me the same empowerment. couple this empowerment with the new ideology of sexual independence without guilt and you have a generation that is custom MADE for porn.
Steve Neece writes Luke: Your columns are once more becoming of interest to me.Are you no longer a homosexual? Or would it be a marriage in name only? Would you be so unscrupulous as to deceive a potential wife?
In response to Mike South, what percentage of women in porn are economically empowered by it? Far fewer, it would seem, than should be. Many of those that could/should be never will because of being enslaved by outside influences such as boyfriends/hubbies/substance addictions/guilt and self hate.
You hear them all the time expressing fears of what will happen when they have to go into the real world when their careers are over. And many of these are your top stars. If they were making the set for life money they claim,or is claimed for them,that should not be a problem. If you are financially independent public opinion should not worry you. If you are financially independent you are not dependent on the opinions of others. More people should realize this.
Only a fraction of 1% of the population are truly in this position though more could be if they managed their lives more efficiently. Say what you will but Gay porn stars do not have to worry about public approval as long as they live their lives in the confines of the Gay community. They will be accepted and admired much as Hollywood stars are by the straight world. Will straight porn ever see such progress? I fear not as long as the conditions described so aptly by your friend Hank continue to exist.
As to the fellow who wrote comparing a date with Sunset Thomas vs.various hollywood starlets; I don't know Sunset so I can't comment but would he make the same comparisons with such past stars as Veronica Hart, Annette Haven, Gloria Leonard, Hyapatia Lee, Candida Royalle or Juliet Anderson or such present day performers as Asia Carrera or Nina Hartley. Could you see any of these women allowing themselves to be ridiculed by sexual cripple Howard Stern? I can't. These were/are strong women who refused to be dehumanized by fans, society, media or the powers that be in the porn industry. Were their like active today the numbers and quality of women willing to enter the industry would increase tenfold. Think of several hundred women of their looks,abilities and intelligence that demanded to be accepted on THEIR terms??!! Talk about a return to the Golden Age! All of the women mentioned above have enriched countless lives and made people more tolerant, enlightened and loving and better lovers. How many mainstream celebs can say as much?
Luke interviewed veteran male performer and Burt Reynolds lookalike Sasha Gabor, 54 yo, last Sunday. A Jew, he's married three Gentile women and has five children. He estimates that he's had sex with about 2000 women during his life.
Sasha helped Frank James enter the business in 1984. "He was a heavy duty drug addict and alcoholic" says Sasha.
"I did tons of coke with John Holmes. We hung out in Las Vegas and Chicago in 1984-86.
Sasha lists his sobriety date as 1996.
Sasha: "A couple of weeks ago I talked to Harry Reems who lives in Park City, Utah. Ron Jeremy was here and we were watching a movie we all did in Hawaii. So I said to Ronny, 'Do you know what Harry Reems is doing these days?' Ronny said he didn't have a clue.
"I don't say anything but go to the phone and dial Harry's number. He answered 'Harry Reems.' I said, 'Hi Harry. It's Sash.' He said, 'What do you want?'
"'Oh, sorry, I don't want to disturb you. Ron Jeremy is here. And Ron and Harry chatted for half an hour until I said, 'Ronny, it is my phone bill.' Harry is doing good. He has a real estate company called 'Harry Reems Real Estate.'
"I was talking to Brittany Stryker (Laurie Beesely) who almost married him. Harry's real name is Herb Streicher. Brittany is Norwegian. She told me that Harry ran around the house with a gun in his hand because he thought aliens were invading the house. That's the coke and alcohol combination. He was absolutely out of control. How does a Jew become an usher in a church?
"After having talked to Ronny, Harry was very friendly and nice. Harry lived out in the Pacific Palisades for eight years, right on the beach... We did drugs together and drank together. I'd pick him up at the airport...
"I have a funny story about Harry that took place in Hawaii in 1984 with Bob Gallagher, Ronny's roommate. I had to have sex with Raven (tall cool brunette). I was intimidated because she was so gorgeous. In those days I was like, 'Come on guys. Don't look at me. Don't stare at me.'
Playgirl Dish
Danny writes: Mark Davis used to be Stephen Scott and was in Playgirl in the mid-80's and was in their first video back then. He modeled legitimately and was even on Star Search. What an interesting career. Can someone get him to move into gay for pay now?
Marvin says: Playgirl's "industry wide reputation for double dealing and back-stabbing."
Ron Williams writes on the Campfire Videos discussion board:
VistaMen are not celebs, but they are nonetheless entitled to professional treatment. The few VistaMen who have worked for Playgirl have had bad experiences. Claude MaGuire (Men of Miami, Raw Muscle, Behind Closed Doors) was a Playgirl real man of the month and as a result was picked to be Real Man of the Year a couple seasons back. Playgirl booked him to judge a contest and to do some publicity in New York. They sent him his round trip air ticket and made hotel reservations. When it was time for his return to Miami, the hotel bill had not been paid, nor any of his expenses. He had fulfilled his responsibilities to Playgirl, but they no longer needed him. It took one full year before he received payment for his magazine appearance. Playgirl never reimbursed him for the hotel and expenses, which he paid out of his own pocket. If you know New York prices, you can imagine those expenses amounted to much more than the air fare.
Robert Condito (Muscle Heatwave, Behind Closed Doors) was hesitant about his appearance but Playgirl promised to use their top photographer and told him he would have a layout of photos to be proud of. The session was rescheduled from a New Your trip to a Miami shoot. They used a local photographer who told Robert he was called at the last minute and was "excited to be shooting for Playgirl." Robert is a great looking guy. I employed no special tricks, lenses or lighting when I shot him. He just looks great on camera. But not in Playgirl. Any one of you reading this could have done a better job. In fact he actually looks ugly in most of the spread. Robert was not happy with the experience or the results.
Jeremy (Muscle Dreams and Muscle Quest) did a recent Playgirl spread which included nice photography of him. He did tell me, however, that the shoot experience was less than professional. The main complain being that the photographers bickered constantly and had no regard for appropriate public behavior. They expected Jeremy to get naked in full view of children and families at a public beach. He refused.They were grumpy and felt inconvenienced that they had to scout for a secluded spot. Professionals, scout their locations before the model arrives. I often shoot in public locations. But the shoot is designed to be totally private. The "public place" feel is an illusion. I also obtain permits to shot on public property.
It is a real shame that Playgirl operates like this. They used to have a quality product. Word gets around and no one of merit wants these kinds of experiences. Hell, any model with a brain who thumbs through the pages of any current issue should have second thoughts.
Axel Braun Bio
Axel Braun writes this bio of himself: Son of legendary porn-pioneer Lasse Braun (Sensations, French Blue), who, through his work in the early 60's helped the legalization of pornography in Europe, Axel Braun, after a college degree in History and Philosophy and a two-year stint at the prestigious Italian Academy of Cinema, has traveled and worked constantly with his father since the late 80's as a writer, producer, cameraman and editor, before stepping behind the camera as a director with The Erotic Adventures of the G-Man(BlueMovie), a series of videos that would earn him both critical and commercial success in his country, along with a (well deserved) notoriety for being able to make women ejaculate with his hands. His first break in the American market arrives in 1997 with The Book of Lust(VCA), followed in 1998 by Sexcape(VCA), both of which he wrote, produced, directed, shot and edited.
In 1999 he releases in the US Fleshlight(In-X-Cess), a hilarious hard-core feature that tops the charts in Germany, as well as Libido(Oxygen Pictures) and most notably The G-Spot Chronicles(Oxygen Pictures) which was the top-selling adult video of the year in Italy. The director's European approach is evident in the way he handles his characters: sex is never funny, it's perhaps the situation that makes the audience smile, and foreplay is as important as is the focus on the girls' own pleasure, rather than the men's. "My products do better in Europe" he says candidly "where the laws that regulate the Adult Industry allow me to be a little bit more...extreme in the depiction of sexual acts". Interested in the psychological aspects of sex and obsessed with the reality of the characters, Axel always delivers visually captivating stories that provide a solid buildup for the sexual situations, instead of being mere excuses for it. Constantly traveling between the US and Europe, where he owns a chain of video stores, Axel has definitely grown from being just his father's son into leaving his mark as one of the best contemporary Adult Directors. His current projects, along with a high-budget soft-core series for German Television (set to air in the spring of 2000), include the upcoming X-rated features G-Sp ot Confidential and Orgazmika.
Want to know more about the G-Spot and the secret pleasures of female ejaculation? E-mail Axel Braun at AxlBraun@aol.com
Gossip
John writes: Luke, according to Mr Marcus's website (www.mrmarcus.com) he and Raylene just did Raylene's first interracial scene. He also says he recently did a scene with Krysti Myst (her first interracial as well).
The site www.smokinggun.com reports on Mila Shegol's antics in Arizona.
Hank Rose writes Luke: I have grown comfortable being a family man and leaving the world of porn behind me. I paid my dues and was allowed to play the porn star game for more than a decade. I escaped the "playpen of the damned" where "recess is 24 hours a day" because I have grown up. Thank God.
I'd be much more interested in commentary or reviewing. As I value the impact of my opinion more than reporting on the lives of social misfits, a non-exclusive club of which I was once a part. Lucky to be the victim of the occasional bad review instead of any public inquisition into my private life, I can't relate to the upper reaches of sinematic celebrity. I don't think their personal lives are any more as entertaining as legit Hollywood luminaries. In short, gossip in this biz is a dangerous literary game I want no part of. I am more interested in exposing the drives and influences behind what makes the biz tick rather the ticking itself.
In reference to your tome about Jewish domination of showbiz and/or porn, you don't offer any philosophical resolution as to why this is. I have theories about this that stem from being a trained observer of the human condition, as all writers tend to be. As for objectivity, I believe there is no such intellectual animal in the human psyche. As a rule, most roguishly and unscrupulously successful people in any walk of life are that way because they can only think of themselves. In effect, they have never fully matured from that Freudian Id stage of childhood where the fulfillment of wants and demands is the only objective. In effect, they remain impulsive and bitter manchildren, in a sad state of selfish suspended animation.
Furthermore, I dare say that within the Hebrew biological or indoctrinated mindset, you will find that Jews are either environmentally conditioned for selfishness or success or the part of the brain that controls ego is mutated, out of control and out of sync with human ecological peace and harmony. This blind fated physical happenstance would be responsible for the disproportionate level of success as well as any unwarranted jealousy and hatred factors therein. It's somewhat similar to blacks having a natural advantage in sports due to superior muscle fiber, which has already been proven in the scientific community. As a rule, this sort of reasoning can only be attributed or traced through a direct bloodline, and does not apply to converts such as yourself. But the idea that all men were created equal is the biggest religious and political lie ever perpetuated on mankind.
Before you label me an Anti-Semite. I'll remind you that I am happily married to a rare Jew who fortunately does not exhibit any of the latter double-edged sword traits. That's why I married her. I love and hate Jews not because of who they are, but because of how they are. And because there is good and bad in all of us. Whatever God endowed them with is at the same time a blessing as well as an accident of nature. It is as much responsible for the genius of a Steven Spielberg as it is the Holocaust.
So hate with- out a mixture of love and admiration makes no sense. I can hate a Great White Shark because it has lethal teeth but still be in awe of its physicality and lifespan. And so I can relate a mixture of conflicting emotions to colorful but flawed characters, who often do as much environmental or societal good as harm and who are not to be blamed for what they are due to natural selection.
While my mixed feelings may seem enigmatic, anyone with a closed mind who can only express hate destroys us all. As for my own people, we possess our own biological gene pool of conflicting and disturbing influences. We tend to be victims of too much testosterone, mixed with too much emotion and not enough self control. This combustible combination can make us the world's greatest lovers and singers as well as it's most vicious crooks and criminals. Which is why fear, love and respect are just as desirable as money, success and materialism in many Italian family households.
Mind you, I have no beef against the industry in general. I had my fun for 10 years and consider myself a survivor. But that doesn't change the fact that it is populated by a wide assortment of lurid and grotesque Dickensian characters who gather like flies and vermin to profit from all of life's vices.
Your ongoing journalistic obsession with this entertainment genre is equivalent to the public fascination of say, serial killers, who fortunately are behind bars by the time the news media makes folk anti-heroes out of them.
In the end, there is a parallel to be drawn in that the great danger in becoming the Walter Winchell of blowbiz is that the targets of your affectation possess egos that are out of touch with reality. And they have no conscience, be they Jews or Italians. The best way to get this biz out of your system is to do a f--- scene when the time is right and say an unfond farewell.
You are wasting your life force if you make this your life's work. Because the only magic bullet that will save this biz from itself is a cure for AIDS. But the Jewish lawyers defending the FSC against the Federal government are too busy fighting in the courts to find a nice Jewish doctor to help find a cure.
Perhaps the Jews who control porn are descended from those who defied Moses and worshipped the golden calf, while you no doubt take the side of those true to The Ten Commandments. When I was a kid, I cried at the sight of the film. Which means I had a conscience. And I still do. That is why I had the strength to say goodbye to the sex trade once and for all. And not because I thought what I was doing was wrong. But because bad people ran the show.
In my 10 years on the job---if one could call it that---I have found that the moral majority of critics often miss the fundamental point of opposition entirely. Porn in and of itself is not inherently evil. It's the people who run the biz who are. But since in America, the Judeo- Christian status quo conditions a quilt trip on sex as being bad, it's no wonder it is populated by evil people. Charity is next to Godliness. So social services are filled with mainly good, selfless people. It's a simple mathematical equation. Define the flame and the moths looking to identify will fly to it.
The solution? Change the way people think about sex and the biz will no longer be poisoned by the dregs of society. Alter the public conscience and you will empty porn of at least half of its sociopaths. Put bad people in control and in charge of distributing soda water and sooner or later their product will be tainted. Pornographers should not be oppressed for being who they are. Rather they should be punished for being unlawful citizens, if that be the case.
As an outsider pervert and a insider convert, I've been on both sides of the fence in my day. Those who speak of immortality play ego infested word games with their fleeting existence. All fame or infamy will die when the sun burns out. So don't get swallowed up in the myth and the mirth. The "kids" are all spoiled children from broken homes clamoring for attention.
My humble career was a soft case study. And the people pulling the strings are all spoiled brat control freaks trying to get even with the world for an unhappy childhood. They are the true hardcore head cases. In conclusion, hate for women still drives this business. And it always will. But the hate looms in the proprietors as much as it does in the patrons. The nerds, geeks, buffoons, latent homosexuals and other social outcasts who struck out with the opposite sex as kids have all grown up to find a niche in porn.
Even I used porn as a stepping stone to explore my sexuality. The difference is, I got the girls I wanted when I was young and knew what love was long before I ever had sex. B porn acting was just a means to an end and not some macho crusade to get even with women. But the movers and shakers couldn't get the women they wanted when they were young. And even with all the money and power that porn has to offer them, they still can't now. Needless to say, they never will.
Porn's grapes are not sour. It is the vendors who are. Spending your profession hanging on the vine is a waste of time. Don't stick around for too long if you expect the literary world to look back on your career in 20 years and take it seriously. Mike Albo was right---porn is disposable pop culture. I'll add to that by admitting that it's produced by disposable people and consumed by disposable people. There is no mystery to the art of a public sex life. Lay for pay feels good and no doubt some of our best performers are the best showbiz entertainers of all. Because you can't act sex or fake a hard-on. But experience might make it all too evident that once you get that first bad check, get ripped off by a distributor or are floored by a positive AIDS test, the thrill is gone. Indeed.
After reading some story about the last girl I worked with for Jeff Coldwater, a black starlet who was allegedly suspected in a murder plot, I've changed my mind about your site. It definitely has it's place. With news like this, I'm proud to say I'm retired for good.
You want dirt? Fill in the blanks.
______ ________ I have reason to believe f---ed his own mother!
_____ _________had a homosexual fling with long retired vet Jerry Butler.
_____ _________ porn legend, has long had a bad rep for beating up his costar in order to get it up.
_____ _________ Hall Of Famer, failed to function with a black girl in his very first shoot!
_____ _________ B porn actor, is an admitted rapist.
_____ _________ spends small fortunes on his movies but is too cheap to have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter!
_____ _________ Hall Of Famer, was intimidated by black women in his performing days. As a director, he has never used a black girl in any of his movies.
_____ _________pioneer mega agent, required that prospective talent f--- him on command to make sure they weren't undercover cops.
_____ _________ former teaching golf pro turned porn actor, worked with his wife until one day he couldn't get it up for her...and she left him.
_____ _________has long had an inferiority complex. Many of his friends have either been fat, crippled or visually impaired.
Marksdays writes on RAME: every young girl in mainstream is better looking than Bianca Trump. > This merely proves my oft >stated contention that the most beautiful women in entertainment today >are in ADULT entertainment.
Pat Riley: Aw, bulls---. Get your eyes checked out. Facially there's no one who comes up to say Allysa Milano or Shania Twain (I just saw her for the first time the other day; a little fleshy but within acceptable bounds) and body wise, hell almost all of the dancers on Soul Train or the ice skaters or ballerinas or gymnasts or Dance Troupe of Harlem (whatever it's called) are light years in advance of the porn performers.
> As I observed on Luke's website: Who would >you rather spend an evening with, Brooke Shields or Sunset Thomas? A >real no brainer there.
Pat: What does "spend an evening with" mean? Is that an evening in an upscale restaurant discussing current US policy towards foreign interventions or similar or is that a euphemism for a f---? Scrub that question. You're right, it's a no brainer. In one case you get a college-educated female who can probably discuss issues other than sex in a rational manner and at worst you could always discuss her nude scenes in Pretty Baby, and the other you get a prostitute who would likely be at home discussing her current rate or comparing the advantages and disadvantages of various pimps. In bed you're screwing someone who might actually like you versus a cash register who's more likely to be disease-ridden and who already has a pimp-husband (probably standing outside counting the money).
> So, now I guess it's: Who would you rather spend >an evening with Denise Richards, Jennifer Aniston, Sharon Stone, Kim >Basinger, >et. al., or Bianca Trump?
Another no brainer. Same deal. For intelligence, probably Kim Bassinger although Janet Reno or Hillary Clinton would be even better. If you just want to f---, Jennifer Aniston (subject to the question above and for the same reasons).
> Bianca Trump is IMVO (in >my vaunted opinion) on of the most beautiful and sexy women appearing in >any media, anywhere, today.
Oh, oh, a slavering fan boy.
> And, I'm including Jennifer Lopez and any >other >chick receiving greatly inflated salaries for their less than great >talents.
What has their salary got to do with it?
marksdays@webtv.net wrote: >Just for the hell of it I thought I'd catch up on some reading other >than porn this evening. I went to the Village Voice and found this >really fun article on the trials and tribulations of a porn writer, >producer, gangbanger, etc., who can also do calculus. This just goes to >prove, yet again, that all porn actresses ain't as dumb as a lot of >the misogynist want so desperately to believe.
Pat: Oh, no? They're doing porn aren't they?
> Check it out, from The >Village Voice, October 20 to 26, 1999: >>PUCKER
UP >BY TRISTAN TAORMINO >I'm a Porn Star
Pat: Girls do not have to be intelligent. In fact the best female is probably one who has had a lobotomy. They do however have to ditch the glasses--what the hell do they want to see for anyway?--it indicates age and detracts from the fantasy of being a useful deposit site for sperm.
> And >there are plenty of women like me getting into the industry at a time >when producers strive for the authentic, who want to catch the "real >thing" on tape.
Oh, no, I hope not. No more new age touchie-feelies. Let the current ones die out in peace.
> That's why amateur videos have been so successful. >Contrary to what critics say, not all porn stars are Barbie dolls with >boob jobs. Some of us have brains, and some of us will make great porn. >All I need is the cash. Maybe you could get together with LCPofUSA or would the egos clash? >Great job. Porn has really gone mainstream. What next? The Christian >Science Monitor?
Yeah, right. Village Voice is mainstream? Porn will be mainstream when Disney makes "Debbie Does Dallas #34" and when the networks run commercials for the latest Max Hardcore "f--- the little schoolgirl" movie. Dream on.
Ruby Wax Porn Documentary
Ron writes on RAME: This evening it was on t.v. here in Holland. It was made for the BBC. There was some legends in the documentary, like Ron Jeremy and Nina Hartley. The storyline was: Ruby Wax meets pornstar Randy (I'm not sure of his last name) and follows him a few days on camera while he's about to do a new movie. She talks to him about his motives for getting in the Adult Industry, and ends up filming on the set of a movie he's doing. Along the way, she also interviews Nina and a few others. She tries to help with the dialogues on the set, and gets annoyed when someone says no-one who buys/rents porn movies is interested in dialogues (that it's just filler). When she and her crew are on the set, watching the hardcore stuff going on, she gets nervous and leaves. The documentary ends with Wax saying she feels embarrassed and can't take it anymore. She "orders" her crew to leave with her. She also remarks that she first liked Randy, but not anymore, now that she's seen him perform. I think she probably WAS embarrassed, but also intentionally overreacted since it was made for the BBC...a really conservative broadcasting company. I have no idea if it aired in the USA (or if it ever will air). Ruby Wax is a hypocrite, that's for sure!
Director James DiGiorgio writes: I was at a garage sale today and this lil blonde cutie was selling all her used slut clothes...i was buying it up for wardrobe..at one point she looked up and said to me "ya know...i dont think that stuff's gonna fit you..." '
Ron from CCBill.com writes: This is not the Luke F-rd Version, this is the real story.
One of JonBoy partners "touchable.com" was featured on 20/20 Thrusday night. The show was about the Phoenix Nurses that got fired on for running an adult website. 2min into the show they mentioned Touchables.com as the domain. Not sure but they may have said it 2-3 more times. and of course Jonboy the GOD of media. had the name touchable.com plaster on everywall it seemed in their house:)))
The Plan
We had 8 servers in three parts of the country setup to handle the load. Each had their own 100meg line, and GTE engineers monitoring the traffic for complete load balancing world wide. The show aired at about 20min after the hour on the east coast, and the 3 servers in Mae East jumped to over 55 Megs per second. Realize the George not being a computer person did not understand our compuer lingo that 55megs is 55 Megabits per second. "ie over 36 T1 lines) Realize this was on just 3 monster servers at Mae East. Since these servers were in a Round Robin Config. each of the other servers also did they same.
The Effect.
Yes it was the most unbeliveable thing that I have ever seen. Realize that I deal with extremely high volume sites every day like Maxcash, Amateurpages.com and wetlands.com, But never have I seen that much bandwidth go from 0 to that in 1 sec. The only Adult comparable that I can think of was Victoria Secret. Our refereral program server bank was hit at the rate of over 500 people per sec. (for the non math majors that is 30k per min) We were not prepared for that kind of intial hit on the refereral servers. The result was the not everyone got through.
Was this something that we are proud of No,, was it something that we could have ever guessed No. We have now made drastic changes and will have triple our capacity in the next 7 days. This type of traffic has never been heard of before from a single event, but then now one has had a 15min special on Primetime where they say the domain name over and over. Then you have the amateur fetish and the Nurse fetish people all going straight to their computers.
The Solution
We activated our Hot Standby Network, and within 20-30 min we had it up and taking traffic through also. By the second showing for the central time zone we were able to handle the traffic. Yes it did in one way Crush both CCbill and Ibill. Ibills servers were also not able to handle the traffic during that time but then tell me if their are any sites on the net that could handle an additional 30,000 people per minute:)))
The Result
The first thing that everyone should be happy with is that PORN is still on a lot of people's mind. JonBoy did made an Absolute fortune. I will not give figures, but I can say that RB, Joe E and Ron L would have been very very Jealous of those kind of new signups in 3 days.. I will say this about BOTH programs Wetlands, and Amateurpages since I know what the traffic is, membership numbers are, signups, Retention, you name it on both programs.
The bottom line is this they BOTH convert like crazy and they BOTH maintain members for ever. They both have unheard low chargeback levels. The only thing I can say is that they MUSTt both be offering exactly what the customers wants, and what they told them they would get (BIG CLUES,, You will make more money being honest than tricking people into a site.. JUST ASK THESE GUYS what 1 year of retention can do to the bottom line. Any Host or billing company would be happy to have every customer just like them. They are TWO of the BEST webmaster to deal with, and true professionals all the way..Even if Lens moves away from Phoenix for the OverPriced realestate in Northern Cal. Both Jon and Lens started with us 2+years ago with the beginning level accounts and have grown into on of the top 25 webmasters on the net, with banks of servers to prove it. I will say this that if you go to pc dataonline and look at either site you should mulitpy by 100 to get the true number...
Marry A Millionaire
Luke appeared on the Toronto radio station Talk 640 Friday afternoon to talk about his appearance on the Fox TV Show "Marry A Millionaire."
Claudia writes: "Hi Luke. Heard you on the Toronto radio station during my drive home and think you have a lot of courage. Also admire your trust in your instincts and wish more men would believe compatibility is evident within 5 seconds of making eye contact. That's what is known as free will and following your heart. Enjoy your spontaneous nature -- it is a gift (of course like everything else on the planet which has polar opposites can be a curse) but will always lead you to the lesson you need at this time of your life. Good luck on the show! Think it is a hoot and riot and a terrific experience. Remember, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Enjoy!
"Are you just sitting in front of your computer fielding proposals you poor thing?"
Ian, the show producer called me at 2:05 PM my time.
Ian: "You're not nervous about what they might might come up with for you?"
Luke: "I'm scared to death, actually."
Ian laughs. "Good for you, you'll be speaking with [talkshow host] Marsha Leiderman. And if she offers to marry you, say no, because we need her here."
Wedding music plays in the background.
Marsha: "Following the success of who wants to be a millionaire, they're planning a new game show now called, 'Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire.' No joke, this is an actual TV program in development right now for Fox TV. We are waiting to hear from the executive producer who is in transit and who will be joining us this hour to tell us more about this show. First, joining us on the line is not really the contestant but the prize. He's a multimillionaire, author and internet entrepreneur, Luke F-rd.
"Now, you're looking for a wife?"
Luke: "Yeah, it takes so much time dating and all that... It's a real mess. So I think the show would be a real economizing device for my time."
Marsha: "So explain how the show is going to work and how you will end up with a wife?"
Luke: "They will take me to Las Vegas and they will have at least 50 women there. And I will ask them all sorts of questions and whittle it down to the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."
Marsha: "How long do you have to ask these 50 women these different questions and make this rather important decision?"
Luke: "A couple of days. I'm not going to be rushing anything. I'm going to ponder what they say and really weigh up there values. And really get to know the special woman."
Marsha: "In this day and age, where we get to date this special woman for one year, two years, maybe three years, before we make that decision, how on earth can you go through 50 women in two days before making the decision to spend the rest of your life with one of them?"
Luke: "This has been typical through human history. Not so much the gameshow aspect, but throughout the Jewish tradition we've had gameshow makers who introduce you to a woman, and you talk for a couple of hours and you decide whether or not you want to get married. It's worked pretty well in the Jewish tradition for a few thousand years... If she's not Jewish, we can convert her, dip her in the mikveh, and make her swear to obey the laws of family purity and off we go."
Marsha: "You're going to convert her in those two days as well?"
Luke: "I think it would be really cool but if she has a problem with that, we could start the conversion after the marriage. In Judaism the secular marriage doesn't count."
Marsha: "I see your book is "A History of X: 100 Years of Sex in Film." There's a shock. What are you looking for in a wife, Luke?"
Luke: "Someone that I share common values with... I'm a conservative guy. And someone who wants to have children and lead a Jewish life and make a Sabbath dinner with the candles, white tablecloth on Friday night...and have a few kids and be part of the community and settle down here in Los Angeles."
Marsha: "How old are you Luke?"
Luke: "I'm 33."
Marsha: "My coworkers are pointing at me. I think you should scrap the whole gameshow thing."
Luke: "I think so too. I hear you are a really nice Jewish girl. I checked with my sources before I came on the show... Maybe we should think about this."
Marsha: "Maybe I should be one of the 50 contestants. We can rig it."
Luke: "Yeah, we'll let them think that my mind is even open to other women, but as I talk to you now, I sense a special kaballistic mystical bond between us."
Marsha: "There's a rare connection here."
Luke: "Sometimes you can't fight these things."
Marsha: "I can't cook, is that ok with you?"
Luke: "That's ok."
Marsha: "You're a multimillionaire, we can afford help.
"Let me get back to my prepared list of questions here before I get a little distracted.
"5:12 [EST] here on Talk640 with our multimillionaire Luke F-rd who is going to be a part of this gameshow 'Do You Want To Marry A Millionaire?'
"Do you really expect this marriage to last? You say you are really into religious values and family values, etc. Is this really a way to find a life partner?"
Luke: "I am a little queasy about it to be truthful. I'm scared to death. It is rather wild and outrageous. It's kinda like the decision to write my book on a really whacky topic. I just decided to do this on a whim?"
Marsha: "Are you sure it is going to last? If it was with me, it would last."
Luke: "If it was with you, I know it would last. But if it was with one of these other 50 women... I have a pretty good radar for people's values. And I think I will be able to find a nice Jewish girl through this."
Marsha: "Would you like to take some calls because there are some women here who would like to talk to you?
"Let's go to Rachel."
Rachel: "This has got to be a joke. I can't believe this. This man thinks he has great radar for women's values meanwhile he's inviting a bunch of women golddigers to come and he's going to interview them for two days and find the woman he is going to stay with for the rest of his life? He's insane. This is ridiculous. I hope he has a huge prenup, because the only reason anyone would want to marry him like this is for his money."
Marsha: "I've got to agree with Rachel that you are just going to be attracting golddiggers."
Rachel: "And mental cases and kooks."
Luke: "Unlike the women I normally meet in Los Angeles?
"I think it is legitimate for women to be attracted to someone who was affluent. If it was the only reason she was going to marry me, that would be highly unfortunate."
Marsha: "But for what other reason would she marry you? She's coming on a gameshow to compete to marry you."
Rachel: "Like she's going to say, 'Listen Luke. You know what? You're ok but I want your cash.' This is the most hilarious thing. I can't wait to get to my Sabbath dinner in 15 minutes to discuss this. This is hilarious."
Marsha: "Are you single Rachel by any chance?"
Rachel: "No, I am married to a very poor man. And I love him a lot."
Marsha: "Luke, can you hang on and take some more calls?
"Luke F-rd, multimillionaire. Who wants to marry a millionaire? He is the millionaire. Involved in this game show. It's not a joke. It's true.
"Do they have same sex marriage in California?"
Luke: "No, that is against the Torah."
Marsha takes a break and then comes on to my phone line to chat privately.
Marsha: "So you can stay on until 5:30PM?"
Luke: "Yes."
Marsha: "Is this for real? I can't believe you are doing this?"
Luke: "No, I can't either."
Marsha: "It's nuts. You can't meet... Why don't you go out with Monica Lewinsky?"
Luke: "Oh yuck."
Marsha: "I hear she has a new boyfriend anyways."
Luke: "I think her parents belong to Sinai Temple which is just down the street from me."
Marsha: "These girls aren't going to be Jewish?"
Luke: "She'd have to convert. She wouldn't have to convert before the marriage but she would have to be open to that."
Marsha: "You should move to Toronto. There are lots of nice girls here for you."
Luke: "It's too cold there. I'm from Australia."
Marsha: "It is cold but you come here and meet one and then take her back down there."
Luke: "A good suggestion. I hear that there are a lot of Jews in Toronto."
Marsha: "150,000. And you can afford the plane ticket up."
Luke: "And they are not all wannabe actresses."
Marsha: "No, no, no... Much more down to earth, probably not as good looking as your typical Los Angeles garden variety Jewess... How long have you been in California?"
Luke: "Most of the last 20 years."
Marsha: "And you made your money from the book or mostly from your..."
Luke: "Mostly from my internet work but also from the book..."
We come back from the commercial break.
Marsha: "...Luke F-rd, the prize on a new game show... Don't you feel like a piece of meat?"
Luke: "That's ok, I can handle it."
Bill calls: "Luke, will you marry me?"
Luke: "No that is against the Torah."
Marsha: "Sorry Bill."
Bill: "Damn, I really wanted to marry you. Does gender matter?"
Luke: "Yeah, it does."
Bill: "I was willing to divorce my wife, leave my kids, and to serve you and your money for the rest of your life. And we're of the same religion..."
Luke: "What if he had a sex change and became a woman? I'd have to ask a rabbi."
Carol: "Ohmigod..."
Marsha: "This is not a joke."
Carol: "This is unbelievable... I don't understand how this will work... The right woman will have to have all the right answers?"
Luke: "No, it is more of an intuition. I often find that within 30 seconds of meeting a woman, I am incredibly attracted to her, or not attracted to her..."
Marsha: "Why not marry one of those women you're already attracted to?"
Luke: "It just hasn't worked out... And dating is so tedious... I've mainly been working the last few years."
Marsha: "Dating is fun."
Carol: "What if you meet the woman and after a week, you have nothing in common? And you can't stand each other?"
Luke: "You have to work through these things. There's counseling, commitment to common values..."
Marsha: "This is not going to last. A woman on a game show is going to have values? The only reason she is there is because you are a millionaire, a multimillionaire."
Luke: "No, all that indicates is that she is spontaneous and stuff."
Samantha phones: "I don't understand where a nice Jewish boy gets the name Luke F-rd?"
Luke: "I converted to Judaism."
Samantha: "As much as this is absurd to me, there was a case a year ago of a guy who had a contest at a huge mall in Minnessota... It was on TV, they picked a wife and are madly in love and happy."
Jerry phones: "I'd like to offer my wife?"
Marsha: "Isn't she already married?"
Sabrina: "I want to wish you the best of luck. You never know! Love at first sight... I'd marry you for your voice itself..."
Marsha: "It has nothing to do with his being multimillionaire? Luke, ask Sabrina one of the questions?"
Luke: "Ahh, what are the values that most motivate you?"
Sabrina: "Respect for myself and my family... Lucky for me, I have found that already. And I'm not a nice Jewish girl, I'm an Italian girl. I'm Catholic, I can't convert [to Judaism]."
Luke: "I'd like to suggest that anyone who'd like to settle down with me come to l-keford.com and send me an email. Maybe I'll find my wife through this radio show? And I won't have to go to Las Vegas with 50 shiksas [non-Jewish girls]."
Christina phones: "I was wondering. Would you like to marry my mom?"
Luke: "Has she kept her figure?"
Christina: "Yes she has."
Luke: "Ask your mom this question. If her dog and a stranger were both drowning, who would she save first?"
Christina: "Ok, one second... My mommy said it would be the dog."
Luke: "Sorry, I can't marry her then."
Marsha: "Sorry Christina, maybe you in a few years... How old are you?"
Christina: "Fourteen."
Marsha: "Maybe in four years. Luke will be happily divorced by then..."
Marsha thanked Luke for participating and said goodbye. Luke then picked up the rest of the show on the internet.
Coming back from a commercial break with "Jingle Bells" playing in the background, Marsha says, "Maybe you want Luke F-rd under your tree for Christmas?"
Marsha's producer reads from Luke's site where a source tells Luke that Marsha is cool on the air and a bitch off the air.
Marsha: "The opposite is true. I am much nicer off the air than I am on the air.
"Luke F-rd couldn't continue to join us so now we can talk about him behind his back... This guy is the prize in a new game show called 'Do You Want To Marry A Millionaire?' There will be 50 women competing to win him as their husband...
"I'm just on his website here and apparently he is quite the pornographer. Let read you the little description of him:
The son of a Christian evangelist, Luke grew up in Australia until moving to California in 1977. During the 1980s he wrote for various newspapers including the Auburn Journal, winning various academic and media awards. For over four years he worked as a reporter in the news department of KAHI/KHYL radio in Sacramento. He studied economics at UCLA.
In 1992 Luke served as Placer County Coordinator for Parents For Educational Choice. Ford moved to Los Angeles in 1994.
He appears (non sex roles only) in the following videos: What Women Want (Sunshine Films), The Trickler Effect (Ultra Image Films), Shooting Sex (Sin City), The Other Woman (Adam & Eve).
"Smart, insightful and with a charming Australian accent, Ford is one of the most fascinating characters in the porn world." Michelle Goldberg, Speak
"He is just like Matt Drudge, just weirder." Nick Ravo, New York Times journalist
Marsha: "Ok, you get it [Luke's porn connection]. Does anyone want to go out with him? Is anyone interested in being a contestant on this show?"
Rob phones: "I don't know who would marry somebody they haven't had sex with?"
Marsha: "Fifty women in two days. I don't know. He is a chronicler of the porn world. So maybe he could manage that? Also, he seems quite religious so maybe he is against premarital sex?"
Rob: "That's very bizarre and interesting..."
Marsha: "Forget about having sex before marrying someone, how about having a real date and an actual conversation?"
Rob: "If this guy has so much money, he must have some condition that they must sign a prenuptial agreement.
"This would be more interesting for me if there was a multimillionaire babe..."
Marsha: "This guy [Luke] is not bad actually. He's trying to make himself look really cool in these photographs..."
Mindy: "I don't really want to marry him but I wouldn't mind if he paid off my school loans. I can't believe this... I was also on his website and he really doesn't look so cool. He looks likes he's trying to be cool."
Marsha: "He's trying too hard to look cool. There is this one shot of him with his hand in his pocket and his other hand on his face, he's so cool..."
Robert phones: "I'd marry a woman millionaire..."
Marsha: "These women are going to be golddiggers... And he's just going to choose someone on her looks. So the whole thing is disgustingly shallow and he claims to be this religious man."
Marena: "This guy sounds like a pompous ass."
Marsha: "I'd agree with you."
Marena: "He has his own website... He's raffling himself on this TV show and he has this attitude that his time is much too valuable to date someone. I can't understand why a woman would want to get this guy?"
Marsha: "The kind of women who are going to go after this guy are going to be substandard anyway...
"...And he's not extremely handsome... Possibly a bit handsome."
Jill phones: "I'm thinking this guy has some mental problem or is screwed up in some way if he has to use this extreme to find a wife."
Marsha: "There must be some baggage there."
Jill: "If he is so religious, why is he so into this porn stuff?"
Marsha: "It's porn journalism. He's not actually doing pornography. He plays non-sexual cameos..."
Producer: "The claws sure come out with the women on something like this..."
Marsha: "They have some fine points. If he is so religious, what is he doing in pornography? I just sent him an email...
"Luke, Thanks for coming on my show and for being a good sport. Happy Chanukah (Hannukkah?). Marsha Lederman."
Jenny phones: "I agree 100% with the last caller. What a mockery of the sacrament of marriage! I've known my husband for 18 years and been happily married eleven years... And we've struggled... This is just adding to the statistics of divorce... It is pretty pathetic when they have to resort to gameshows like that."
Marsha: "I agree with you. It does make a mockery of marriage. Marriage really is a sacred institution. You should get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, not because he has a million bucks..."
Jenny: "If he is so religious, what is doing writing about pornography?"
Marsha: "If I wanted my name remembered, I certainly wouldn't want it for that..."
Randy: "You guys get off your high horse because this guy here has it on the ball. If he's got the cash, go for it! The problem with these woman are, they could not compete in this contest... That's why they're complaining."
Marsha: "I don't think the women are upset that they can't compete. It does make a mockery of marriage."
Paul: "No matter who he marries, this woman is going to marry a millionaire and he's not going to really know, 'does she love me for me or the money?'"
Marsha: "Of course she only loves him for his money..."
Paul: "But that's on the show and off the show... Even if he met a woman not on the show, he'll never truly know..."
Paul: "I don't think he's very good religious Jew if he's in pornography..."
Marsha: "...I'm sure he'll have a prenuptial. He's not that stupid. Shallow but not stupid."
Marie: "I think this guy is buying a service... Molding her, converting her... This man is really whacko and pretty scarey stuff!"
Marsha: "Stop everything. I have a reply from Luke. Let's read it. "I'm conflicted regarding religion vs pornography." Oh, I think he is listening on the internet [true].
""I am opposed to porn. Just exposing what is going on. Do I have a medical problem? Yes, I've suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since 1988."
"So women, he might not be so randy? He's tired a lot. Notice how he didn't ask me out?"
Leslie: "I think this guy is a phony. I am a multimillionaire on paper. I also have multimillion dollars worth of debt. I think he's looking for a moron..."
Theresa: "I think this guy is just looking for some free publicity and exposure. This is just a total joke."
Jack: "You want to know what type of women are looking for this guy? All you have to do is read the companion ads in the Toronto Star... They're all looking for well established men."
Marsha: "I thought they were looking for someone to take romantic walks in the park with?"
Tova writes: Hi Luke, I heard your interview today and thought how could someone in your position if it is really true go on a live broadcast and advertise how wealthy he is and advise he is looking for a wife. Besides the money which I truly could not give a hoot about (I have always had the saying that I hate money but we need it because society says we can not live with out it, however I also believe that money is the root of all EVIL.) I almost thought you were a nice sounding guy, that just has not been able to find his MAZAL. Then I looked at your website. VERY VERY WEIRD. You sounded like you were looking for a nice Jewish girl with good high Jewish values.
I truly don't understand that. I'm not saying I'm not open minded cause I really am, but my gut feeling says that my value of being a Jew and a good warm loving person seems to be a lot higher than yours. It's one this to have some fun with things it's another to make your life of it. There was a girl who told you on your interview in Toronto tonight that you will probably end up with all the GOLD TIGERS. She is probably very right. You are a nice looking guy but maybe you need to be a little STRAIGHTER and not so weird and you can find your soul mate. If you are really looking for a decent woman to spend your life with then you need to consider making some changes to your life style. Otherwise you will not really find a good valued girl. I too am looking for my soulmate but I could tell you one thing for sure all the money in the world after what I've just seen and read would not reel me into someone like you. I truly don't mean any of this as an insult. So please don't take it like that. It's not my profession to hurt peoples feelings. I just hope that maybe you can find some sense in what I have said and in the end you could truly find your MAZAL.
BrandyAlx1: So, how do you marry a millionnaire when you haven't even got a camcorder? What happened to the good old days when a nice letter and a photograph would do? ;) And you, my love, are about as wealthy as you are gay. Gimme a break! ;)
Luke writes Fred: If I go on this gameshow saying I am a multimillionaire, and I marry a woman, and then she finds out that I am not, could she sue me?
Fred Jew replies: What? You mean you're not a multimillionaire? I'm personally shocked and disappointed.
If you can find a girl who a) decides to marry you because you are a multimillionaire, and b) doesn't notice before hand that you live in a small apartment and only take her on inexpensive dates, or c) she doesn't ask why a multimillionaire is living in a small apartment, she isn't going to notice afterward, either. Of course, you may discover that she misled you, because she is not really a sentient being.
On the other hand, if you have any wealthy friends with big houses, and you invite her over to one of these houses and tell her that it's your house, and she only discovers the truth when you "carry her over the threshhold", that would be a much more interesting situation. Family law isn't exactly my specialty, but a) anyone can sue anyone for anything (winning is another matter, and b) I think I can comfortably predict that a trial on such an action (probably for fraud) would be hilarious.
Chris writes: Just saw the site LGI put up at www.nukeluke.com. I'm not a lawyer but, aren't these considered some kind of threats in the "legal" sense of the word...it certainly shows the mentality of your detractors in this case..pretty sad.
Johnny Handsome writes: Yo Luke, Hey Player, this is Mr. J. Handsome, producer/director from Bedtime Productions. I just got off the phone with my man, Tony Eveready (this is his spelling of the name so i'll resprect the same) and he assures me that everything is righteous out there in Cali. I was a bit concerned for a taste about how all this drama was playing with the Brother, but it appears all is well in Screw-Biz West! Anyhow, "T" (Tony) played host and guide to both me and my assistant-in-charge here at Bedtime Productions, Mr. Lucki, on a recent trip to L.A. and I must say, while many of my so-called "friends" in this game (the Porno Biz) were all eagerly beckoning me and my crew to take that 3k stroll (trip to California) during the East Coast Video Show, the true-blue trooper who made some serious time for a Player was Tony Eveready! I say all this, Luke, to basically say that "T" is Alright in my book and there exists alot of PHONIES and Player Haters in this biz who don't keep it real when the chips are down. Tony is not one of those fakes; on the contrary, this homey keeps it REAL!!so for all you fakers & Phd. holders out there F.U.!
Lynne L-patin writes Luke: You closed up a dream I had last night. In the dream you were fine, and we discussed the subject of the dream, Kendra & XXX, and your new ability to hug me and how nice it felt and how amazing it was that you could let it get that far and positive discussion of you physical attributes when I woke up. I'm concerned I might have said or done something that upset you in some grand way. I feel good but am having problems with money and having a testosterone laden immature male in the house.
PLEASE DO NOT BORE YOUR CONSTITUENCY WITH MY INTIMATE RAMBLINGS. I WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.
Dear Luke:
Tobi asked me to take a break and work in the office for awhile, so I quickly perused a week of column. Your work schedule would make most people tired. Pardon my directness, but what are your CES plans?
I remember seeing an attractive dark-haired young man at Starworld when Bruce and I shot "South Side" for Video Team (to Christian's dismay), presumably Jewish (You were wearing a cowboy hat at the time, no?)
I had neither the time nor the inclination to play with cute boys, even weird ones, at that point, but I was definitely interested enough to speak to Rob about it, and you didn't make note of my presence.
Here were are, months later, having a relationship however virtual, which I instigated based on my initial hormonal reaction to you, because I'd heard that you'd gotten the goats of some prominent porners and cute bad boys just intrigue me to no end as you now know.
I thought my porn background would fascinate you -- rightly so as it turned out. I promised Stephanie Ross a year ago that I would make a personal mission out of l-keford.com, and I've never had so much unexpected pleasure as carrying out that mission has brought me.
On the other hand, what got me interested in Bruce was his behavior, and it took a conscious decision to stick with him, because he wasn't the type to which I react pheromonally. "As long as he doesn't hurt me," I said to myself. Because I'd let the pheromone thing lead me into so many disasters with unsuitable people who don't have my best interests at heart!
Over the past nine months you and I have developed this relationship based on "virtual companionship," wherein the pheromonal doesn't matter. Maybe insisting on that sort of mutual magic of the other is another ploy to set up an impossible situation for one's self, in order to prove a misbegotten point.
Even though Bruce and I didn't have it at the beginning, it was pretty well in place after a few months of constant sex and intellectual communion. At some point my husband became the best looking man in the world. Love does that, but not overnight.
A good Jewish wife could keep a Jewish hotel room (or luxury suite aboard a cruise ship...or desert island. Palm oil for olive.) Would a good Jewish wife, should you decide to pick up on the Seventh Day Adventist thing in your dotage, politely accomodate you or abandon you to your delusion?
Being a good wife, albeit not a "good Jew," I'm "blessed" to have learned something about relationships. Being a Jew, although not a "good" one, I am still theoretically one of the chosen people and am in no need of saving or redeeming and have a direct link to a deity should I decide I want one. So if you ever doubt your status, let me know and I'll ask. Sometimes compared to your cosmic brilliance, Luke, I feel like a twinkling little star...
The dog wants me here calm and typing. She is between me and the door. She was in the dream, as the faithful dog who tracked her family everywhere and protected them. At the beginning of this dream I was visiting a family and digging around in their back yard, cleaning up. Slowly I realized that they were changing the property into a cult headquarters. When my car disappeared, I knew I was in real trouble. The next thing I knew, they wanted me to sign out whenever I left the house. I decided to run away, which I eventually did, becoming another person altogether.
Her story made up the rest of the dream until I ran into you after having visited her house (as myself) at the very end. Tobi appeared throughout.
Overheard at the gym: an anonymous porner said about Kendra Jade: "There's no plastic surgeon who could fix what's wrong with that girl's nose -- she's always got it up in the air is what's wrong. And you can see from her forehead to the wall, so what she's so full of I don't know.
"Kendra was with XXX at Hustler the other day. If she's not his girlfriend, how come he can ask her to blow him? Isn't he married?"
I am basically doing okay and happy. Lucky is money trouble, and I haven't decided how to resolve that. People enjoy thinking there's some sexual component to me having him around, and inasmuch as it would make him a likely "porn stud" I wouldn't dispel it, but since I do not have a pheremonal reaction to black guys (Tobi adores them), and he is not proving himself by his behavior. If he is running around talking about taking me for a "foo' " I would appreciate being told. Funny, but I can't find a man attractive if I have to support him.
Noticed your Pulitzer-promising review of the Tony Eveready vs Porsha battle. I can't believe it's only been two years since they got together. I guess it will be three years this April.
The guy at community service who was thinking about playing with me has been forced by his buddies to look at his unhappiness in his relationship first, since it does not seem to be working if he wants to be playing. The woman has three kids and he's "been with her" for two years. He calls her a "girlfriend."
He's cheated four times on her with four different women. I may be a pornographer but I'm not a player. I think the situation is bad and as a parent, even a surrogate one, I refuse to contribute to it. I think about the ramifications of sexual behavior. If this guy wants to have sex with me, I told him it has to be either within a relationship or for money. I have access to porn studs if I want it bad enough.
Oliver, er, Hunk Hollywood, is supposed to come over any minute and go up on the roof. Fall rain gutter cleaning, and I don't do roofs alone. I remember you on the roof. Too cute to look at.
Tobi and I had hamburgers today, like real Americans, and I think we'll have pizza and KROQ acoustic Xmas 2-nite. We used the walk up at In and Out and she was perfectly behaved. In awe of all the people and cars that wanted hamburgers. She's stopped barking.
The sun is streaming in through the window. I have nature balanced for the next week. It takes a lot of concentration. I have one more week of community service, and then it can rain.
Nice Jewish Girl writes Luke: So, Lukey, you're a millionaire eh? Don't you live in a hovel? You don't even have a kitchen or a stove! You eat at Taco Bell! You have the worst looking car on the planet, it looks like one of those homeless person's cars! You don't even have a bathtub! And you only make a secretary's wage! You only make a bit more than me, not very much more. And the only reason we don't make the same salary is because I haven't had a raise in 3 years! And no, he doesn't field any marraige proposals from ANY GIRLS! Luke even if you were a millionaire you wouldn't have any women because you're in love with the idea of marraige, the fantasy, not the real reality. Just like you like the idea of women, not the real deal either. You don't even like to give any girl oral sex! You're disgusted by a girl having her period!