Saturday, November 13th, 1999
Rayveness Screwed By Metro
Rayveness stopped by Metro Home Video Thursday and threw a fit over their non-payment of her and other talent. Metro has long been the king of not paying, and they are over three weeks late paying her and other talent.
Lev Bronstein analyzes Kenny Guarino's background check:
1. Is his wife really named Elvira?
2. I take it he is a honcho in this Metro corporation that you write about from time to time, that was de-listed by NASDAQ. There are probably publicly available documents, e.g. SEC or RI Secretary of State documents, that might be more interesting. (The RI Secretary of State keeps track of companies that are incorporated in RI, just like the California Secretary of State keeps track of corporations that are incorporated in California.)
3. Sounds like he has a house in Rhode Island and Florida, and likes boats. I speculate that he has a pretty good life. I further speculate that he is wealthier than you or I. One of my former law partners is from RI. Maybe he knows something about the neighborhood where this guy lives.
4. This guy isn't mafia, is he? Are Vito Corleone and Luca Brasi going to visit me if I say anything derogatory?
5. What's with all the automobiles with Maine license plates? If he lives in RI, why license plates from ME? Am I reading this right?
6. I might be inclined to phone the data base vendor and ask them for an explanation of some of this stuff.
7. What's with all the other folks who seem to have Mr. Guarino's social security number? That's not supposed to be possible, is it? I wonder who else has my social security number? (Whoever it is, I hope he has been paying in lots of money into the account, so I can have a good retirement.)
8. I don't understand why Robert Beaver or Theresa Cleveland show up in the listing under automobiles. I suspect that there is more information in the print-out than meets the eye.
XZY: "Why don't you do a background check on Kid Vegas? His real name is Scott Austin. His daddy supposedly owns Emperor's Palace in Las Vegas and lives next to [country singer] Willie Nelson and holds KKK meetings. And he owns one of Adolf Hitler's cars. When I asked the Kid about this, he just laughed."
Kid Vegas phoned from Legend: "I don't know why this guy did a background check on me. He's wasting his money. He's not going to find out much. It's true that my dad owns a palace out there but I'm not going to say which one. But he doesn't live next door to Willie Nelson. He lives next door to Wayne Newton. He doesn't hold KKK meetings. He holds Aryan Nation meetings. That doesn't mean I have anything to do with that. And he doesn't own one of Adolf Hitler's cars. He owns one of Rudolph Hess's cars, one of Hitler's top henchmen."
Luke: "Have you ever had sex with a black person?"
Kid Vegas: "No. I wouldn't because my dad would probably cut my balls off if I did. Not that I wouldn't...
"Wasn't that a joke about Matt Zane winning Best World Director. Shows what money can buy. Chuck Zane has a big distributorship in Germany."
Mad Jack Struggles With Drunk Indian Squaw
Mad Jack spent a few days in Los Angeles this week with his KBeech contract girl sweetie Seneca, of Indian background. She got really drunk and they had a huge fight before reconciling Friday morning.
Mad Jack phoned Luke Thursday night: "She's just blowing it. We just came out for a shopping trip and things got ugly at the Burbank airport. I threw a boarding pass at her and she threw it back. She didn't get on the plane and now she's calling me every five minutes. I'm here, man. I'm f---ing gambling. I'm at Treasure Island right now. I just pretty much said, hey, I'm here, you're not, it's not my problem.
"I'm a good guy Luke. I take care of everybody who ever comes here. Ask Jennifer Leigh. Ask her old man or Eve Eden... And I've got this bitch from Canada who thinks she's going to play me like a sucker.
"Anyway, I've got a bunch of f---ing money sitting on a table and as I speak to you, I'm wandering around looking for my table I was playing on. Does that suck or what? Luke, goddamn it, if you make me out to look like a drunk, I'm going to be pissed. That's all right, I'll see you at CES and we'll work it out."
Friday morning, Mad Jack phones: "I called you last night in the f---ing heat of anger but I guess things are ok with Seneca. As good as they're going to get. She's going home today. The airport lost her f---ing baggage and she was accusing me of having her bag... These girls are unreal. I think that because we have this history, it is easy for her to treat me like s---. I was really pissed and I was telling her to go f--- herself but we've got too many things going and she's going to stick with it and do what she needs to do. She'll sign at CES... She's already called this morning bitching at me again."
Roger Pipe: New York Police are in civvies today hailing cabs to see
if they are discriminated against for being African American.
"Hey Luke, I want you to investigate why no one in porn wants to make a movie of all my scenes. I am thinking of enlisting the help of some RAME posters to cry conspiracy. What do you think?"
Luke: "When talent filmmakers like Roger Pipe and Lynne L-patin can't get distributors, it makes you think there's something rotten in Denmark."
David Sturman writes: "Here's the worst golf foursome in the world: Monica Lewinski, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton. Monica's a hooker, OJ's a slicer, Ted can't drive over water and Bill can't remember the last hole he played."
Jim writes: "Dear Mr. Luke F-rd: Since you are an expert on adult movies, I thought you would be the best one to ask this question. Do you think that someone who is interested in shooting and directing adult movies, should do it? Or do you think making these movies is too risky such as legal issues, health risks, and is it a good business to make money? Any input to these questions would be helpful. I am deciding wither I should make Playboy videos or adult movies. Thanks."
Luke: "I would advise people to stay out of porn if they possibly can. If you have a huge unquenchable thirst to work in porno, then dive in."
Luke Mahir Ford: "Welcome to my page! I have porn scoops! I kiss you!"
"Welcome to page i have many porn scoops all lies but i kiss you!!!!!!!!!"
From GeneRoss.com: r-dar writes: "Gene....This is my second request. When are you going to comment on Luke's gay revelation? You can't dodge the issue forever. Is he putting us on or is he a homo? It is these little dodges Luke pulls which make his column so much more interesting than yours. Sorry, but you are the Reader's Digest of porn. Get with it. r-dar"
Gene sez: "Thank you for the compliment. Reader's Digest has been a household word for decades. With all due respect to Mr. Ford, anyone who has time to speculate on such matters, has way too much time on their hands. Mr. Ford is yanking the collective legs of his readership. Get with it."
At Paul Wisner's funeral Tuesday, Eddie Wedelstedt had his Goalie patch sewn on the front of his blazer. He looked like Captain Kangaroo.
GVA West owner David Sturman receives regular visits from two Chabad (ultra-orthodox black hatted) rabbis. While Luke has gone a year without laying T'fillin (part of the Jewish morning prayer service, black boxes you attach to your forehead and arm), David does regularly. The rabbis "have some very powerful prayers and they pray for David and his family every day," says a source.
"If at least 20 people are not killed or mutilated in a movie, Sturman don't like it.
"Kramski is full of s---, Luke. David never said anything like that to him [about the documentary Porno being too hard on the biz]. David has a few deals working with general release companies that want to put it out like the Blair Witch show."
From slate.com: "The ordinance under scrutiny in the U.S. Supreme Court this morning is a piece of anti-naked-dancing legislation coming out of Erie, Pa.: City of Erie vs. Pap's A.M., Kandyland. Because the ordinance in question is principally concerned with such things as: "nipples, genitals, pubic hair, anal regions and buttocks," I immediately array these words along the top of my notebook. I then crayon the names of all nine Supreme Court justices down a Y axis and presto! Justice Bingo. Points to the first justice to say "nipple." And if Justice Thomas says "pubic hair," players must stand and shout "Bingo!"--risking lifetime expulsion from the highest court in the land, but worth it, I think.
"After Barnes, depending on whose opinion you read, a city's effort to suppress nude dancing is either a content-neutral regulation of morality (Rehnquist, O'Connor, Kennedy); a content-neutral regulation justified by dangerous "secondary effects" of nude dancing--such as prostitution and sexual assault (Souter); or an impermissible content-based suppression of communicative speech (White, Marshall, Blackmun, Stevens). And Justice Scalia, who joined the majority in upholding the statute, wrote a separate concurrence urging that nude dancing does not constitute "speech" at all and thus warrants no constitutional protection."
Naughtia Childs
Thursday evening 10/11/99, Luke talked by phone to Naughtia Childs, 20 years of age. She stands 5'2", weighs 115 pounds and measures 34B-29-34, with natural breasts.
Naughtia: "April of this year... I was in a guitar shop in San Diego and these internet guys asked me if I wanted to mae extra money. I did. One of the guys in this band ["The Furious Four"] worked at the shop. And he was like, she's not going to do it. Then I started doing it and I moved up here.
"My friend Layla is a contract girl with Wildlife. Her ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's name is Nadia. And then we were at a bar and there is a sticker for a clothing company called "Naughty Child." So I got my name from that.
"The Furious Four play up here a lot. Their new CD will be out in February, and should hit the radio a few months after...
"I did my first video... We did girl-girl (Michelle, who worked for Homegrown) and then we each gave a blowjob at the end. I did Junior Finelli from Corrupt Industry. Then I went to the Playboy TV show called Sexcetera. Layla and I had to try out dildos, along with Junior's wife. Should air in December. And then I went to Ed Powers."
Luke: "How was that?"
Naughtia: "Little. But I got paid very well.
"I've done about 50 videos."
Luke: "And what do you think is some of your best work?"
Naughtia: "If you want to see the comedy side of me, I guess there's a blowjob that I did for Anabolic that is funny. I make the penis talk. Let me see, what else... I am my worst critic so I don't think any of my movies are the best. But I guess my New Sensations "Naughty College Schoolgirls" is good, with Eric Everhard. And the "Roadtools" movie by Dixon Entertainment.
"I am now working for Dixon... I am co-producing their next four movies. I've got a soundtrack cooking on it.
"The record label I used to work for is putting out a soundtrack with lots of different bands. We're approaching Blink 182 and other bands. We're looking for MTV like music because it is a parody of an MTV show. But we want to get the dirtier cooler music too. There's no censorship."
Luke: "So what went through your mind when you first received the offer to do porno?"
NC: "No way, not me. Kinda shy and giggly. Then I was like, f--- it, I can do that. And I did it. When I get nervous, I start telling jokes and being goofy. So my first works were nervous and giddy and now I know how to control myself and do a good scene. My work's definitely improved since I got over the initial frightened unsure shaky ground..."
Luke: "So how has being in the industry affected you?"
NC: "It hasn't really affected me in a bad way. The only thing it has really affected is relationships but I have a very strong upbringing. I was never molested, abused, like beat... None of that crap that so many women had to go through. I've been lucky. So my mental stability is very level. I'm using my mind to do projects. I'm not just sitting around and f---ing and doing drugs like so many people are. So it really hasn't affected me in a bad way. The industry has given me many of my best ideas.
"The soundtrack... And I produced a band called "Element L." I produced their CD and was going to mass produce it when they broke up. I've invested in various prosperous companies, through stocks and bonds. I'm building on my future."
Luke: "How does your family feel about it?"
NC: "I don't think they actually really know. They know but they don't talk about it much. My mom knows but she's like, she's pretty cool. She just makes sure I'm working and stuff. She knows that I'm still a good person. She's a little disappointed but she sees that I am able to handle myself ok. And my father won't know."
Luke: "So what do you do in your spare time?"
NC: "Lately I've been doing a lot of trying to get tours going... I like to go to shows a lot and when there's snow, I snowboard constantly. I like to read... Sometimes educational stuff and sci-fi novels. If it is a good book, I usually give it a chance. From Winston Churchill to Howard Stern."
Luke: "What's your attitude towards breast implants?"
NC: "Yeah, Eek-A-Mouse, a reggae guy, tried to buy me breast implants. But I wasn't into it. Not yet. While there still perky, they're fine but if something happens to them, I'll fix them. But if I do, I'm not going to get them stretched out until they look like shiny plastic balloons. I'll get the nice good ones where you can't tell.
"Bukkake was great. I loved taking cum showers. It was displacement, acting, because it was not me. I kinda blanked out. I zoned out. It was weird. I just had this goofy smile because I was enjoying it. Fifty three guys.
"Jim Lane, I wouldn't have done it for anyone else. Jim's great. Him and Jeff Mike are the coolest people.
"Another thing I do in my spare time is I go to movie premiers a lot. They're all fun. I see stars out at night.
"What's up with you and Kid Vegas?"
Luke: "We use each other. He emails me outrageous stuff and I print outrageous stuff."
NC: "That's funny. That's ok. He can talk s---."
Luke: "He can be brutal."
NC: "He's just got problems. In the long run he'll look bad. I work regularly. I show up for work.
"I didn't want to do what he wanted me to do. He wanted me to wear a burnt wig with clogs down Hollywood Blvd. If it was on set or in a different situation I would've done it, but I wasn't about to walk down Hollywood Blvd... And I don't flake on shoots because of my boyfriend because I don't have a boyfriend. I don't know what he's talking about."
Luke: "You don't mind if I post his stuff?"
NC: "No, if you want to put it up, put it up. I don't give a f---. Just my reputation."
Luke: "She breaks into tears and Luke feels like a heel."
NC: "Post it Luke. Be a man. That's the American way."
Luke: "I'll try."
NC: "Try what?"
Luke: "To be a man."
NC: "That's right. You're gay."
Luke: "I prefer to just cut and paste. Let people email me the scoop then I can go lie in the sun."
Kid Vegas wrote the following to Gene Ross who would not print it. So Luke will print the slander: "American Bukkake sensational lard ass, Naughtia Childs has just informed the Kid's secret patrol posse that she has eaten herself to a size 16. She has stated that "I am sick of the business (porn industry), no one ever calls me for work." My answer to that Ms. Childs is "stop eating you dumb ass pig, start excercising if you want work, & do not insult the industry everyone loves." Girls like her, with no apparent brain in her skull, need to find a new occupation, especially when they will not do anal, & flake on shoots because they have plans with their boyfriend, or leave shoots before they are finished. Hello retarded girls that is not acceptable for Directors. This 20 year old has the body of a over eating beached seal, all be advised her name is Naughtia Childs. The reasons of discussing this horse lard is because she left my shoot before I could complete it. She felt, that the items I wanted her to wear were not her style or fashion, & refused to wear them as part of the acting in the movie. This all took place 2 weeks ago during Kid Vegas "The San Francisco Treat" out in stores Decmber 6th. Kid Vegas gives this girl a great big thumbs down, lose weight tubby!!!!!Peace out ..."
IEG Scam
While IEG and its clublove.com site have been the best known of the porn web sites among the mainstream media, porn webmasters have long known that IEG is also about the most dishonest of the major net porners. Antosha writes today on Netpond: "I used to run very profitable business for IEG but now they say that their credit card processor froze their accounts and they have no money to pay to people. I get calls from them saying the money could be there tomorrow. And it never is. Now that puts me in a very bad situation. I have to pay thousands of dollars out of my own pocket to people who work for me. Shame on IEG. I hope they disappear from the face of this earth if they don't start acting professional."
Another Lawsuit, Another Interview, Another Day
Another lawsuit threat is coming through against Luke, this site's ISP, and FANTastic this afternoon but we're not quite sure yet who it is. Time for you to call your bookie with a bet. Smart money so far rests on Laurie Holmes, with Edward Wedelstedt, Kenny Guarino, Metro, Hilton Hotels and Christy Lake running close behind. Email Luke with your prediction.
Jack Evil writes: "I wouldn't blame Christy Lake for trying to sue your ass Luke. Has there ever been a lawsuit like that in history? "No I did not have sexual relations with that canine"! I wonder if that great "moralist" beaver hunt wannabe radio bitch "Dr" Laura would let you 2 settle it on her show in a "Peoples Court" type deal? I bet she would do anything for ratings.It would probably turn the "Dr" on, I think a hot bestiality session with a couple of Great Danes would be just what she needs to loosen up her hypocritical ass and not be such a shrill,condescending ratings whore. Just as long as one the Danes dicks was always in her big mouth. She would love it I'm sure!"
Al: "Luke, I gotta go with the Hilton on this one."
XXXProf: "Just though I'd let you know my favorite part of your column is when the girls start swiping at each other like a herd of cats. I'm not into that "per se." I think it's just funny."
Luke asked the Boss: "Who's suing us?"
Boss: "They won't say - just 'my client' was the message - I called - the ISP called and they haven't returned our calls - so to hell with 'em."
From GeneRoss.com: Laurie Holmes would not comment, but Gary Frischer, who is Holmes' manager, had a few things to say regarding a New York Post story which appeared earlier this week. The Post story stated that Holmes, widow of the late John Holmes is suing Holmes' one-time best friend, Bill Amerson, over statements he made in a documentary.
In "Wadd: The Life and Times of John Holmes," Amerson claims Laurie once worked as a hooker. "She would go out and hitch-hike around the block and turn tricks in the cars," Amerson was quoted as saying. Laurie, a/k/a "Misty Dawn," according to The Post, denies having ever been a prostitute and is seeking unspecified damages. Holmes filed the suit in the Superior Court of the State of California.
VCA Labs which funded the documentary is also named in the suit.
Frischer: "Laurie did file a lawsuit. The most important thing to understand about this lawsuit is that in this film Bill Amerson accuses and convicts Laurie of committing a crime. In the state of California you can't do that."
Holmes is being represented by high-powered celebrity attorney Greg Smith, who had this to say. "It's a slander per se," according to Smith. "It's not based on Laurie's chastity which is probably questionable. But it is based on the fact that if you accuse someone of a crime, and prostitution is a crime in California; if you don't have a conviction for that crime, that's slander per se. Damages are presumed. We don't have to go into the kind of damages or pain and suffering; they're presumed. It's presumed that her reputation was injured. It's a slam-dunk case."
As an attorney, Smith was prominently involved in the LA police corruption scandal.
According to the Holmes' suit, on or about August, 1998, Amerson allegedly said: "She [Laurie Holmes] was a hooker. She would get dressed, and she always dressed as a little girl because she knew that she could make more money from men if she looked younger. She would go out and hitch-hike around the blocks and turn tricks in the car." Amerson's comments were made on-camera in the Holmes' documentary which was subsequently shown to theater audiences throughout the United States.
Holmes' lawsuit says she never committed the crime of prostitution, and, as a result of the false statement, Holmes, among other things, has "suffered injury to her reputation in a sum according to proof." According to the suit, VCA was also named because it had re-published Amerson's statements with "reckless disregard for the truth".
VCA's Russ Hampshire was out of town and could not be reached for comment. [All of the above from GeneRoss.com]
Luke talked to Bill Amerson at 5PM.
Luke: "I think she's suing me too for saying she's a hooker."
Bill: "She is a hooker. I know 25 people who will say so. So you're safe there.
"I can tell you about her kids being taken away. Her drug habit. I can tell you about the ex-boyfriend she lived with in Alberqurque who will testify to her drug habit and to her working as a nude dancer. I know at least 15 guys who will testify to her being a hooker. My ex-wife knows she was a hooker because she [Laurie] used to live with us and she'd get dressed and go out and turn tricks and she would say, 'I've got a john to see, I will be back pretty soon.'
"She can do what she wants. As you know, anybody can sue.
"She has two kids. Her mother and father took one away from her, alleging she was an unfit mother. And one the court took away from her for being an unfit mother. Two different fathers. She didn't know who the father of the first one was..."
Bill: "If she wants to go through all of this, that's fine. If she wants some character defamation, I can do that. I know all about this bitch. She lived with us a long time. She worked for me."
Luke: "What did she do?"
Bill: "She was our secretary and then she became the office manager."
The 1989 Rolling Stone article says Laurie and John Holmes stole $200,000 from Bill Amerson.
Bill: "I'm ready to... I was about to say, 'I'm ready to stick it up her ass," but she'd like that. Can't use that line."
Luke: "I thought you guys were friends at one point. What happened?"
Bill: "Yeah, I think so. It was that she used John and married John without him knowing about it. That she got him loaded and went to Vegas. I got a phone call from him in Vegas. 'I think I got married. I don't know. I took 50 dimes.' He had a lot of insurance money going and she wanted it. She told people that. So that pissed me off. And that she's been using his name all this time for her own gain. She's a loser. You know that. She's got an IQ of room temperature. And she could never make a living on her own so she's using John's death to make a living.
"I'm going to speak tonight on addictive personalities, men getting off of welfare and getting back into society, and rehabilitation of the whole person instead of just the drug and alcohol thing.
"Laurie's a conniving cunt and I don't use that word 'conniving' too often. I use 'cunt' a lot. What's this about you coming out of the closet?"
Nancy Beiles from Talk magazine is writing an article on Luke. Email her your views, particularly on the Jewish question.
"That Tina Brown," writes Chaim Amalek. "Always seeking buzz. Luke, are you to be the main subject of that article? What is it about, and when will it likely appear?"
Luke: "Dunno. I've had a lot of female journalists in my time, but that French chick Emmanuelle Richard of www.ojr.org has been far and away the cutest. Michelle Goldberg of Salon.com had the greatest voice. She sounded 15 years old."
Nancy interviewed Rodger Jacobs today.
Rodger: "I told her that you have Hades Phobia. That will be my new theory on Luke F-rd.
"I gave her this long rambling speech... Hades Phobia is a term psychology invented for the delusion that one has committed an unpardonable sin and is doomed to an eternity in a literal conception of hell. You try to come to grips with your Hades Phobia by taking on a business that you and other perceive as evil. And I got into the martyristic side of Luke F-rd.
"I was going on about your dualistic personality... He's well informed on theology but also fascinated by pornography and the effects it has on the human soul. When you combine those conflicting elements, what you produce is a self-created religious martyr. And so after giving her all this, she asks, 'what do you know about his religious side?' And I had just discussed that in detail...
"How come you didn't tell her about Gene Ross? I asked her if she was going to interview Gene Ross, and she said, who's he?
"I told her that I consider that I have written the definitive article on Luke F-rd's moralistic side. I've never seen anything on you this good. I'm not patting myself on the back, it is mostly interview material. You actually wrote more of it than I do."
Luke: "I showed you a side of myself that I rarely reveal."
Rodger: "I gave it to Gene but he didn't care."
Luke: "At least not as much as I care about his physique."
Lou Cypher Cries 'Uncle"
Lou Cypher writes Luke: "Luke - please make the pain go away. By pain i mean Lynne L-patin. I enjoy perusing your site on a daily basis and find much of its content mildly enjoyable, however, for the Love of God the rantings of Ms. L-patin must stop. All of us can appreciate and understand the human emotions involved regarding the death of loved ones, the rejection of our personal work and the disinterest of objects of our affection. Ms. L-patin chooses to drag each and every one of these situtions like an unfortunate black man from the back of her cyber truck on what seems like an hourly basis via your site. Ms. L-patin - GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!! As we all know, Luke posts verbatim (with the occasional embellishment) transcripts of every communication he has ever had. With that in mind i'm begging you Lynn to show some kind of restraint when it comes to airing your endlessly tiring gripes on l-keford.com, as i find myself fantasizing about poking my eyes out with a sharp stick whenever i see your name attached to a story. I hate to put it this way but i have no choice. STOP. Thank you for the forum Luke. And now back to our regular program... p.s. what ever happened to Alicyn Sterling - what a POA! (piece of ass)"
Luke: "Louey, you asked for it and you got it. More hot Lynne L-patin pics, fresh from my hovel this afternoon. And with my gun too. First some pics of Luke from Lynne's Dave Hardman movie. Luke is now available for modeling assignment and for acting too, so long as there isn't too much dialogue.
"By the way, has anyone seen Lynne's black movie "Indigo
Moods"? Would you care to send me a review?"
Goddess writes: "Luke, After viewing a few of the MANY, MANY pictures you have of yourself on your site, I'm wondering why you bother with the porn gossip at all? Why not use the site JUST to post pictures of yourself?? You could call it "All Luke, All The Time." Think about it, Luke, this could be your ticket out of that evil porn/good Jewish boy dilemma you've got going on. Now if you'll excuse me, for some reason I seem to be extremely nauseous."
Elborba writes: "Luke: You'll have another lawsuit to contend with in addition to the impending Hilton or Holmes suit if you don't cease and desist from publishing additional photos of the green-toothed Lynne L-patin (BDWLCL@worldnet.att.net). The fish-scale facial attributes in addition to her odious mouthful of fungicidal gang-greene is exceedingly hard on the eyes and the psyche. Her incessant ramblings are a flagrant product of an aged, attention hungry trollop and in fact detract from the humour and information that encapsulates the majority of your site. SL-patin either needs to star in a Guatemalan snuff flick and end the collective misery or sell her computer and begin working in a shelter for homeless pets. Most U-Mass graduates have moved onto to more promising futures indeed, the least of which include scrubbing graffiti off the bustling highways of Southern California wearing an orange safety vest in a convict chain-gang early weekend mornings!"
Here's a transcript of my interview for Lynne's movie "Dave Hardman: A Day in the Life of a Working Stiff."
Slammy: "How does the industry perceive Dave Hardman?"
Luke: "The industry does not respect itself. It disses itself a lot and Dave Hardman embodies what people expect of a porno stud. He smokes a lot of marijuana, he can get it up and off easily and he's not particular about who he does. He'll do 300 pound women. What was the question again?"
Slammy: "How would you rate Dave Hardman among the other studs?"
Luke: "There are the A grade actors like Mark Davis, Tom Byron, Peter North, Alec Metro... Dave Hardman is a B grade porn actor. Like Rick Masters, guys who will work for $200 a scene. Dave is reliable. The guys don't matter much in this business anyway. They're just there to pound the women and bring out different emotions and feelings and positions from the women. The men are just meat puppets. The quintessential example is Ron Jeremy who's fat, unattractive and hairy. But there's a freak appeal in pairing unattractive men with attractive women.
"Porno is all about degradation. And when you pair a Dave Hardman or a Ron Jeremy with a good looking chick, the stroker at home can see that he's just as attractive as Dave or Ron. And it is a perverse form of excitement to see a good looking woman sucking on the schlong of some schlub."
Slammy: "Do you have a favorite Dave Hardman story?"
Luke: "I made one porn video, What Women Want, in January of 1996. It was the first time I had seen people have sex. I got my talent from Regan Senter. We chose Kimberly Kummings as the pin cushion in the gangbang video and Kimberly got to choose all the male talent - Dick Nasty, Dave Hardman, Rick Masters, Tommy Gunn... Dave and Rick were laughing at me the whole time because I did not know what I was doing. They were also giving me tips on how to shoot a porno.
"I was interviewing everybody after the shoot, on camera, and Dave Hardman was jerking off. He wanted to spooge again on Kimberly. She freaked out. The man was a sex machine. He popped into a cup."
Slammy: "What is the basis of Dave's appeal?"
Luke: "To directors, that he can do the job relatively cheaply, reliably and consistently. Porn is lowbrow hardon fuel with almost no redeeming value. People aren't going to the video store going, 'What is Dave Hardman's latest video? I have to see this guy because he's such a great actor. Just the range of emotions. His appeal is that he has a dick and can get it up on camera and not many guys can. Dave's not going to be competing with Dustin Hoffman."
Q: "Dave's deathwish?"
Luke: "Most people in this business are self-destructive. This business attracts people with backgrounds in drug dealing, organized crime, prostitution... People who've been abused as kids... People who can't handle the real world... This business is the road to hell and in porno you may get a lot of orgasms as you walk along to hell. So Dave's deathwish is par for the course in porno. This is a destructive industry. This is something that will haunt him the rest of his life if he tries to enter middle America. He'll always be regarded by many people as a figure of derision. If you take your life seriously, and you're ambitious, and you have people who care about you, and community, then stay the hell away from porno."
Q: "Dave's perception of porn?"
Luke: "That's the one thing I do like about porno. People are pretty honest. Most of them don't pretend that they are crafting "Titanic," or that they have any great social or political agenda, and they're here to make a buck, and they don't really give a f---. Dave is like that. He despises porno as much as Jerry Fallwell. And what's not to despise? This business attracts neurotic types, myself included.
Q: "Dave says he tires of the business but fights against his best interests?"
"Dave has done so much weed that he may not be fully there upstairs. He's a nice amiable guy but he's a dope smoker. He's a sex addict, an animal. He's not going to be running General Motors or make it in corporate American. He's a hippie, a throwback to the 1960s.
"His own best interests? He only has a vague idea of what they are. As the cliche goes, 'if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.' I don't think Dave has detailed one year, three year, five year goal outlines for his life."
Q: "Evaluate the risks to Dave from this business."
[Producer Lynne was primarily thinking about health risks but Luke took the question in a different direction.]
Luke: "I'm not sure how much of a risk there as he has pretty much F-'d up his life by working in front of the porn camera. He's done it for years... There is always the chance for personal redemption and resurrection. There's always the chance that any one of could turn our lives around and become productive members of society. And every month he stays in this business, his chances of getting out of it diminish because this business is like 'The Hotel California.' You can check out, but you can never leave.
"Dave says that he's found he can't have a serious relationship outside of the industry. Of course. People in the straight world don't take people in the porn world seriously. It's a source of derision and contempt if not outright hatred.
"Dave says: 'If you find someone special, they will eventually get jealous.' Funny that. 'Honey, I'm going to work now. I've gotta bang three girls today.' Very few women can handle that, nor should they. A relationship should have some element of the sacred and porno is the antithesis of the holy."
Slammy: "Alex Sanders refers to the Spice Curse. No matter what happens, you'll always be on Spice. I went out with Alex one time to a strip club. And everywhere he goes, people recognize him. He tries to get a [straight] girlfriend and they always go, ewwwwwwwwww."
Q: "Your favorite Dave Hardman scenes?"
Luke: "I don't have any. I don't think most people do. You don't think about the guys. It's all a blur. I have very few favorite porno scenes anyway and I certainly don't evaluate them by Dave Hardman. I'm not there jerking off and saying, 'oh there's Dave. What a convincing performance.'
"Dave's future? I hope that he will get married, get another job. Perhaps work construction. Maybe he'll just make porno for the next 20 years. Work in a storeroom and move tapes around and get them ready for the next order."
A siren blares in the background.
Luke: "That may be Dave's future right now."
Next, Slammy interviews Cumisha Amado.
Cumisha: "Some of this stuff is going on cable?"
Slammy: "She thinks it will go to Comedy Central."
Cumisha, as she cleans a huge two-headed dildo: "Can they show..."
Slammy: "No. I don't think you can reach into your underwear on cable. I think you can fart."
Cut.
Cumisha lies on her bed.
Slammy: "You can look in the camera, you can look towards me. You can do what you want. You can play with yourself."
Cumisha grins and starts masturbating.
Cumisha: "The first time I worked with Dave Hardman was six or seven years ago. It was a DP with Rick Masters.
"Dave and I have hung out at parties with Rich. At Rick's sister's place. And we all joined in a major orgy. Dave loves asian girls. And Dave got to lick a lot of asian pussies at the pool. And he got his dick sucked. One sitting on his face and another one licking his balls.
"One time, before a movie was shot, he asked me, 'do you want to see something crazy I can do with my dick? And he wrapped it around this pole. And he twisted it all around. The pole belonged to Rick Masters.
"When Dave's afraid he's about to come, he slaps his dick around and pounds it on the table. He loves to f--- hard.
"Have you ever heard him tell his jokes? Dave is really funny."
Slammy: "Dave and Rick are like the Laurel and Hardy of porno."
Cumisha: "Yeah, they're like the Three Stooges except there is only two of them. They do a lot of slapdick comedy."
Luke: "I think Rick Masters has been retired from porno for a year. Eversince he married Charlese L'Amour. I think they're now divorced."
Cumisha: "My favorite position is doggie and 69."
Next Dave Hardman is interviewed.
Dave says he's done five scenes in one day.
Lynne: "Most men can pound away for two minutes, ejaculate and leave the woman feeling like she's been assaulted. David, what's your secret? How can you pound for two hours and let the woman walk away?"
Dave: "Some of them don't."
Q: "What's the best piece of ass you've had in your whole life?"
Dave: "Lynne L-patin."
Lynne: "Use my other name. This movie is going out under "Diana Roth." We don't want Lynne L-patin and Dave Hardman associated much longer."
Q: "What's the best piece of ass you've had?"
Dave: "Dianna Roth... Second best... The 18-year olds are the best. After that, they deteriorate. Fresh meat. A lot of them know what they're doing. Some of them have been f---ing me under the table lately.
"French women have the best feeling pussies. They know how to take care of themselves. Their pussies are like silk.
"I've won for most outrageous sex scene the last two years in a row. I do the most dangerous job. We're like Indy racers. They crash and burn and so do we. You f--- a girl who has AIDS, you crash and burn. It's the price you have to pay, like athletes..."
Next Lynne interviews Darcy, David's older sister (eight years).
Darcy: "I've been in the adult business for 12 years on and off. David started about five years ago. He asked for a phone number and I gave him a phone number.
"I hired a stripper for him on his 27th birthday and he loved it. He's a very handsome man. I know the genetic pool. Dave and I did a scene in "The Bald, The Fat & The Ugly" where we shaved a girl's head."
Lynne: "You didn't get to see him much in high school and beginnings of his sexuality?"
Darcy: "A little bit... He had long brown hair...
"By the way, after this shoot, I'm getting naked. I was a stripper long ago before I was an actress.
"Periodically, when my type of full figure woman was selected... It is very ironic that no matter whether you are doing an adult film or a legitimate film or commercial, full figured women are always considered for the frumpy or derogatory role. I think that's wrong. Our society is made up of all types of people and races and I don't think there should be any discrimination against body size.
"Bald men are beautiful. Any man with hair on his head is overdressed..."
Dave has two other brothers.
Lynne: "I would like to know all the details of his sex life that you could share with us?"
Darcy: "I do know one movie where I was in a different scene, long after me, and I watched him. His prowess was definitely there. Definitely obvious. I've watched a few of his scenes. I think watching sex is good, even if it is your brother.
"I'm not like anybody else. I don't think sex is dirty or wrong. I like my tits, don't you?
"I do have one beef with my little brother. I just think he needs to grow up and become abstinent from certain substances on the planet."
Bianca Trump Dance Review
Sandy writes on RAME: Me and my husband went to see Bianca Trump dance at the Spearmint Rhino in Rialto last night. Let me start off by saying the guy she had helping her and taking polaroids was HOT. I wanted to tip him and get some polaroids with him ;). Anyways, got there for the midnight show and she came out about 12:15 and she was in sort of a vampire outfit. Rob Zombie's living dead girl was the first song. Bianca didn't dance around too much at first, I think her cape may have been in the way. There was a large group of guys who looked to be about college age going wild. Once she took off her cape she was a little more active, but not as good as I would have liked. I should also note here that Bianca was much thinner than I imagined, but still could lose a few more pounds. My husband didnt seem to mind. I can't remember what the second or third songs were, but during the third song she was totally nude and was pouring lotion on herself. She would also give the lotion bottle to people in the audience and let them put lotion on her.
Those college guys went wild and grabbed her. Bianca just carried on but the bouncer came and talked to them. The fourth song was a Type O Negative song, but don't know which one. Bianca crawled around on the floor and gave guys at the stage a close up. Nothing really great. She did auction off a pair of panties, but I guess nobody met her minimum bid and she took them to the back with her. Overall her dancing was ok. She didn't get on the poll once, and she wasn't all that athletic. She seemed friendly on the stage, but I was unable to talk with her or meet her because of that large group of college guys who swarmed her polaroid area when she came out. I was able to ask her hunk... umm helper what the prices were and they were about standard, $20 for a polaroid, $30 for a video, $50 for a lap dance. All in all I give her show 3 stars out of 4, then I add an extra star for her camera guy to make it 4 out of 4 ;). If your a guy and shes in your area its proablly worth going to see her, but if you live more than 30 or 40 miles it might not be worth it.
<Mastrick> I've got USAA, a credit card issuer on the phone. I'm disputing yet another $50 charge from VivTech, whom I believe to be Vivid's web arm
<acefree> mastrick - vivid has one of the trickest web billing schemes I've seen
<Mastrick> USAA has received no documentation from VivTech other than a blanket statement saying that the charges were for 'products and services'
<acefree> mastrick - it is impossible to have documentation for a web transaction, there is no slip to sign
<Mastrick> When you call the 800 number listed on the credit card bill for VivTech, you are informed that the phone number has been disconnected
<Mastrick> I wonder if Truth in Advertising laws are federal fall under Federal or State jurisdiction; also I wonder if posts on UseNet newsgroups would satisfy requirements for advertising in a class action litigation
<acefree> mastrick it is legal, because it will be completely outlined on the terms and conditions page, in small print
<Mastrick> If it is legal, and if it is Vivid, I'm gonna write and distribute a 'Steve Hirsch = Scammer' article and legally dog his company and it's products. People should receive value for their money. They should not be tricked or duped into spending their money
<acefree> just e-mail the tech support at vivid and make sure the charge is from them, then let them know you DID NOT make the charge, and if they do not credit your account you will contact your credit card company and dispute the charge
<acefree> you will ALWAYS win and they will be charged $25 in addition to the chargeback
<Mastrick> I've already contacted the credit card issuer and they have sent me the forms necessary to get the charges lifted from my bill. They seemed to be unsatisfied with the answers that VivTech gave them
<Mastrick> I supposed that I am outraged because, when people do business with me, I make sure that they receive good value for their money
<Mastrick> I didn't subscribe to Vivid
<AlexDeLarge> I dont understand vivid they spend a pile of money on a good image then they do everything possible to f--- it up
<Mastrick> But a coupla months ago I did provide a CC # to them on a page that said 'Your credit card will not be billed.' I just wanted to see their new release scnedule
<Mastrick> That's why I think that VivTech is Vivid
<acefree> mastrick - any time a web page says your card will not be billed, your card WILL be billed ;)
<Mastrick> The fact that they provide a disconnected telephone number is also indicative to me of their intent to defraud
<Mastrick> I wonder how 'Your credit card will not be billed' relates to legislation regarding truth in advertising
<l-keford> call vivid and ask for david schlessinger, head of vivtech aka vivid internet
<Mastrick> Even the web consumer should have some protection against fraudulent claims and false advertising
<Mastrick> I'm gonna give VivTech an opportunity to post their response in my post, and if they choose not to, I'm gonna post that too