Sunday, October 3rd, 1999

Dr Pinker

Dr. Pinker lectures: Luke, you said that you are look for some deeper meaning in your personal journey into porn. I don't believe there is any deeper meaning.

Take it from me, I am still a student of strip joints at age 73, and the most shocking aspect is always the total superficiality, where everyone has conned himself or herself, and is openly trying to con everyone else. Every single person in the joint, and I do mean everyone, believes they are getting SOMETHING FOR NOTHING. But in reality, all are paying the highest possible price!

I can only imagine the porn world is the same, where each person thinks they have some special sexual gift. They are somehow sexually different and superior to the rest of us. Imagine this, these youngsters truly believe their sex is somehow "special" and "unique" among the billions of people on the planet. I ask you, is that delusional or what! Some get paid to lift or look under women's skirts.....like Mike Albo. What a deluded son of a bitch! Nice job this week, Mike, ANY TEENAGE BOY COULD DO YOUR JOB, you sick f---er!

Hatchet man Luke F-rd is exactly what you assholes deserve----a tabloid assassination artist. You sick f---s aren't worthy of being taken seriously---Luke accurately reflects the caricature of what's left of your sorry, distorted humanity. Oh no, they don't want a tabloid man, they clamor for a serious journalist----GO f--- YOURSELVES, EVERY ONE OF YOU DEADEND PEOPLE OF PORN. Luke F-rd is exactly what you f---s deserve----and Luke F-rd is exactly what you get!

Nick at Nite

Luke F-rd Wire Services, Ltd.: X-centric auteur Nick Zedd rekindled Slime Square’s lurid luminescence last Saturday night---projecting images of turgid genitalia and puckered perinea onto 42nd Street.

Featured as part of a collective art event aptly entitled “Make 42nd Steet Dirty Again,” pinkly glistening vaginal vistas belonging to cinematic smutsters that included Annie Sprinkle and Kembra Pfahler illuminated a picture window fronting Gotham’s newly sanitized boulevard as rubber-necking pedestrians and tour-bus passengers gaped incredulously.

“I was projecting footage from the TeleTubbies intercut with images of nuns blowing a Doberman,” exhulted the filmmaker. Also showcased for 42nd Street’s carriage trade was Zedd’s notorious “Whorgasm,” in which his own veiny meatplough massaged the nimble gums and tonsils of underground cine siren Susan Manson.

It was at approximately this point that Zedd was approached by event organizer Amy Shapiro, widely known amongst underground cineastes for her portrayal of a toilet-seat-bludgeoning victim in the Joe Christ video “Acid Is Groovy Kill The Pigs.”

“She was wearing Mickey Mouse ears to protest Disney,” recalled Zedd. “She said, 'Please turn that projector the other way because we might get arrested.’

"Don’t you want to cause provocation?" I asked her.

"You just can’t do that," replied Shapiro, and huffed off."

There followed a rare moment of interpersonal compliance from Zedd---stationed atop a peep-show booth with his video and 16 mm projectors--- as he turned his flickering spectacle upon a colossal set of plywood breasts with areoles the size of dinner plates that hung from the ceiling of the raw, condom-festooned commerical interior at 111 West 42nd.

“I showed luscious subterranean diva Brenda Bergman performing fellatio on a gun,” itemized Zedd. “[Underground personality] Scott Free spurted gout upon gout of cum on the face of Darryl Goldsmith, a nice Jewish girl from Tennessee.

“I also had [70s cartoon character] H.R. Puffn’ Stuff mixed with images of babies undergoing neurosurgery, plus [occasional l-keford.com contributor] Gene Suicide with his pecker on a downward spiral.”

Concluded Zedd: “Despite my best efforts, the cops never showed.” Only in New York: city with a heart!

Chaim Amalek writes: I attended that "bring Porn back to 42nd street" show last week. It was, like ALL semi-public sex oriented shows in NY these days, pretty lame. Some of the artists present had just arrived in NY a few years ago, and had absolutely no knowledge of what 42nd street was like in the late 80's - early 90's, when crime was at its peak.

And to be blunt about it, the street was a DANGEROUS place to be then, day or night. Roving gangs of violent urban youths (i.e., black teenage males) would occasionally descend upon the area in search of prey (usually white people). The many drug dealers there attracted numerous street hookers and junkies (often the one and the same), which lead to lots of one-on-one street crime as well. The 42nd street subway stop was the most violent in the city (this was at a time that the city as a whole recorded around 2,200 killings a year.)

Yes, I miss never having seen the likes of an Annie Sprinkle in her prime, and Manhattan has become MUCH less diverse economically in recent years, which is regretable, as this is a much less interesting place as a result. But lets not be overly selective in our memories. The 42nd Street of yore was a forbidding place in which to indulge one's taste for forbidden fruit. (Now, the Japanese on the other hand, know how to do this sort of thing right. Tokyo has adult entertainment districts that are every bit as raunchy as Times Square was, but without the violent crime. I guess the Yakuza really know how to run such things.)

Finally, in re your anti-stern program, what do you hope to achieve by it - recognition from Stern or Karmizan? It won't happen. And if you want to hit him in the purse, the previously described Polish Gambit (or a variant thereof) is likely to be much more effective. Happy simchat torah!

More Mark Kramer here.

Gossip

I hear that Los Angeles Pipeline, one of the bigger Los Angeles distributors, has gone out of business. The company owes many people thousands of dollars.

Metro Home Video is also on the ropes, according to gossip at IA 2000. Don't extend Metro any credit.

IA 2000 is a much better show than the VSDA and CES say sources. The Internet is where the action is, and the internet leaders are pros.

Kat Sunlove and Jeffrey Douglas have been drawing salaries of $60,000 from the Free Speech Coalition.

According to anonymous sources, TV and film starlet Neve Campbell has made her own private porn video starring herself, a famous blonde porn actress, and one very well-hung black man. Purportedly, the Party of Five starlet was seen performing a threeway sex scene that included lesbian activities with the unnamed, retired porn star, as well as both girls taking on the endowed, unknown male. Having seen the video, sources report that the video appeared to be shot by a camera operator other than the three in the scene and probably was shot over the course of the day, due to lighting changes and two cumshots delivered by the male actor. Of which, Neve reportedly takes one that is shot on to her breasts and half of her face.

John Douglas of Talking Blue writes: You plagiarizing bastard, you. Not only have I taken heat all week long for having you out at the studio (my only porn "friend" that I have ever invited there), but today I go by your site and, lo and behold, I read my own words on there (re: Neve Campbell). Sans quotes. Sans crediting the site. Sans a link back. For shame, Luke, for shame.

As the ethical center of the porn universe, for you to, and I almost hate to use the word, plagiarize another's work without providing a reciprocating link to the original site is a travesty. What's next? Running stories without getting all sides? Complete and utter fabrications about key members of the porn industry? How low will you go?

David Aaron Clark writes about Eden Rae: Though I don't know what's up with "Acid Cream," I do know it takes quite a while -- especially on limited resources -- to make a porn flick that's something other than the usual crap. Anyone who has any doubt of Eden's on-screen abilities and intensity is welcome to view her stand-out scene in POISON CANDY, the show I just directed for Heatwave, now available. I know Eden's acerbic, undeniable egoistic persona creates friction with some folk, but when this woman performs, she delivers the goods. I'd rather see one Eden Rae performance a year than a dozen by Vicca, Jenna Jameson, or one of the B or C girls marking time and collecting checks. But then, I do stumble to a different drummer.

Jim John writes: Hi Luke, Did you have occasion to read what Chandra Vega wrote about Temptress on Geneross.com? I have to tell you that it all rings true. About a year ago I directed Temptress (real name Nita) and her girlfriend Malitia in a scene. Never in my life have I experienced such attitude! There wasn't one person on my set that didn't want to kill both of them. If the schedule hadn't been so tight I definetly would have replaced them. On my set that day were a couple of directors who are very respected in this industry, both of whom conveyed to me that they had NEVER seen such prima donna behavior exhibited on a porn set (imagine that for a moment). I am certain neither of these men ever hired Temptress or Malitia for any of their subsequent projects - I sure as hell never did. I find it curious that these particular girls could be as pompous as they are since I could throw a stone in just about any trailer park and hit something more appealing than either of them. That was actually the first porn shoot I had ever done and had hired them sight unseen (big mistake!) through a mutual acquaintance (poor Jim South missed out on his cut). Try mentioning the names of Temptress or Malitia and the reaction you'll get will probably be a whince. So the truth is out there - Chandra, you're not alone.

Director James DiGiorgio writes: The Temptress/Malitia diatribe written by whoever JimJohn is doesn't reflect the experiences I've had with either of these two performers; and I've worked with both of them a fair number of times. Temptress has been nothing but a professional to work with, as has Malitia. In fact, I was one of the first to shoot Temptress--a solo performance before she did full scenes--where she played a projectionist in my period-piece, campy, ode to Ed Wood, "Naked Lust," for Sin City. Perhaps the reason why they might have behaved differently on JimJohn's set might be found in JimJohn's admission that it was "the first porn shoot I've ever done." I'd be happy to privately tutor JimJohn in "Dealing With Porn Talent 101," assuming he can afford me. By the way, I don't know what the beef between Temptress and Chandra is all about, but I've also hired Chandra a number of times and she's done some really great scenes. In fact, just hired her again the other day for a BJ tape for Legend, and her's was the standout BJ of the tape, plus she was a lot of fun on the set.

Director James DiGiorgio writes: Hey luke. I thought your kendra jade phone call was more entertaining to read than most of your recent interviews, regardless of whether the interviewee is wearing a pink, chiffon teddy or not---and happens to be a guy. If you speak with kendra before I do, tell her the reason the people on the radio show, and the guys who came for her signings, were asking her questions that were real and meaningful, is because they quickly figured out she's not the bimbo so many porn chics are, or act like they are, i.e., they figured out pretty quick she's got a brain, knows how to use it, that she's charismatic, and an all-around likeable human being.

By the way, in addition to her signings at LGI's D.C. area stores, kendra will be in Atlantic City for ECVS, signing in the GVA enclave for Avalon's and my (i.e., Blue Light Pictures) new release, PLAID (shipping the week immediately following ECVS). And in the tradition of shameless plugs, everyone who has seen PLAID (I don't need to tell you what it's about, the title pretty much says it all), anyway, everyone who has seen PLAID says its a stone cold, hard core, every-guy's-fantasy-in-your-face, jerk off tape! PLAID stars Kendra Jade, the artist formerly known as Strych-9 but now known as Cherry Mirage, Bridgette Kerkove (yeah, Cherry and Bridgette in plaid skirts, just like on the cover of September's AVN), Melody Love, Lee, and Chandra Vega.

Nice Jewish Girl writes: Kendra, or any other person, DON'T ASK LUKE about being Jewish! He is a JOKE!! He has the Most Ridiculous Ideas I have ever heard!

Look, I am a 100% jew on both sides of my family. Luke is NOTHING like any jew I have every known. For one thing, the man has NO FEELINGS, that is not jewish. He doesn't believe in giving oral sex, he only believes in giving anal sex to women. He thinks blood is disgusting...we are talking about a major head case here.

Sure, he can SOUND good, sometimes, sometimes the man is a f---ing genius, but ultimately it is shallow, he doesn't have any knowledge inside himself. He is an empty shell absorbing others' thoughts and opinions. You see this man doesn't FEEL anything. That is NOT JEWISH.

Luke has adopted judaism because he wants to believe that judaism is going to save his tortured soul. He was yelling at me on Friday night that I am a goy because I don't go to temple!! Sure Luke. Like going to temple can help YOU!! Obviously IT HASN'T!! The difference is I HAVE FEELINGS,

Luke you are unfeeling and insensitive! And your treatment of all women is ...like any other goy! Not like a mensch, a real jewish guy wouldn't treat women like crap like you do... You don't even relate to women as anything other than sex holes.

Luke, I think you should transcribe our conversation from Friday because I was on your case a lot and yelling at you about the jews in porno thing, and it was pretty funny, and also, the whole thing of you and I yelling at each other over who was more spiritual was REALLY GOOD, then you yelling at me for being a tramp...

Amalek: Luke, pay no heed to NJG's assertions that you are not jewish because you are insufficiently caring, feministic etc. Does she say the same about the JOP, who, while jewish according to ritual law (i.e., they were born to jewish women), certainly do not demonstrate through their work that they possess these traits that you are said to lack?

NJG sounds a lot like the secularized jews of Manhattan, who think the religion is little more than a cultural affectation: voting for and kvelling at the victories of the democrats, shopping at Zabars, laughing at Woodie Allen films, eating blintzes etc. (In this they are just like Jews for Jesus, who imlicitly take the same position.) You are more of a jew than the whole lot of them put together. As for this kind in general, sad to say (and I am sad about it), demographics doom these people and their unique, not-quite-like-the-rest-of-America culture to oblivion. Between rising rates of intermarriage and infecundity, these assimilated jews are on their way out in this country, to be replaced during the next century by the children of the staggeringly fertile orthodox and the few converts that Judaism can attract.

Kim Chambers writes on RAME: Life IS better than porn, but only slightly for me. But being IN porn, I love both:-) I've heard that John Holmes had the same problem sometimes... just too damn big and not enough blood (or something). For a girl's enjoyment, the best size is medium to large, but NOT huge. Now Lex is HUGE, but he's so rock hard, and such a nice guy! Hey, he f---ed Sana Fey on my very own bed in Nasty Girls #19 (Anabolic) and they let me take pics for my website. He was "impressive";-) and she took it all, every which way. Sorry to ramble, but one thing is leading to another here. I have to add that she f---ed Lex only AFTER Bianca Trump, Sana Fey, and I did a three way... where I FISTED Sana Fey! My first... and HERS!!! It was awesome to see, and DO:-) Back to cocks... I love most of 'em, 'cause you can always find something fun to do with it, no matter how big, but I prefer somewhere between 7-9 inches and medium thickness. It's just the most versatile:-)

Michael Ninn's Ritual

"We're all silicone sisters made by some fan, mutilated by some doctor, captured by some lousy director." (Vicca in Ritual)

Watcher writes on RAME: I mail ordered this latest(?) Michael Ninn mmovie on DVD got it a few days ago. Lately my viewing preferences, when I want to see porn, have gravitated towards this type of material, which doesn't seem to be in vogue with this newsgroup's mainstream. However, if someone finds this interesting, here is a "review" of sorts - although it is not the kind of detailed rundown that the more efficiency-oriented porn fans like.

Ritual is more of a collection of fantasy scenarios than a movie. The underlying structure deals with the breakdown of the porn star played by Vicca and the three aspects of her split personality appear in some of the material, but this aspect can be easily overlooked. There is an introduction by Ninn himself in the Cast section of the disc, where he says there are some insider references to be found in the flick, but my knowledge of the business is not sufficient to be sure of any of them.

There are a number of things I like about this movie. I like the setting and style of the gynecological examination scene in the beginning and the Liquid Latex scene later on. The shiny medical instruments and paraphernalia, lighting and the white clothing in the first one create a certain mood that I like, when Vicca apparently is probing "her other self" with gloved fingers and a speculum. (Once you catch on it is easy to figure out who is the one who actually gets probed here - Vicca's pal Nikita.) However, the ending of this scene where Vicca briefly sucks a guy in Nazi uniform, who then ejaculates into a milk bottle, is just weird. I found the following Mr. Milky sequence more annoying than funny on first viewing, but it is not that bad.

In the Liquid Latex scene the "ritualistic" setting resembles the medical scene, and the action takes place very slowly and deliberately as Katja Kean is led to the brightly lit table with the Fresnel lens strategically placed in front of the camera to magnify her nether regions. She is first shaved and then the liquid latex is poured and applied all over her body after which Vicca, equipped with a strap-on dildo, has her way with her. The music in this scenario (which actually starts with masturbation shots of Dee and Keri Windsor) is perfect for this kind of action: some extremely low bass, smooth Enigma-ish synth and Vicca's voice speaking to the viewer.

The concept works for me very well, even if this music is used in the end of the movie in a more ironic way in the last shots of the "destroyed" Vicca. Katja Kean looks extremely pretty in this movie (not that there is anything to complain about any of the other women - Vicca, Nikita, Dee, Keri Windsor, Jenny MacArthur, Danielle Rogers,...). She looks stunning the first time she steps out of the mist in the liquid latex scene, and in her latter scene on the green couch.

One thing I like in Ninn's work is that he puts in shots of women walking around in the kind of clothing that shows them off. Another is the closeups of faces, whether in sex scenes or not. The aspect I like least would be the sometimes gratuituous touches added in post-production. For instance, sometimes he seems to put in rotating women or other extraneous bits in the picture just because he can. However, there is less of that in Ritual than in some of his other movies.

Pat Riley Does Not Go To The Movies

Pat Riley writes on RAME: I haven't been to the cinema since...I can't remember the exact year but around 1982 I would guess. I remember the movie was some sort of romance with...er, maybe Jamie Lee Curtis or someone like her...I do remember she lived in an apartment overlooking the FDR drive inNYC...a curved building right on the drive. (I sound like one of these guys who wants you to ID a porno movie from the color of the girl's bra.) Anyway, a long while ago. Frankly apart from dating I can't understand why anyone would actually go to the cinema. --it's expensive --you can't smoke --you can't stop the movie to take a leak --you can't drink (alcohol) --you can't lie down --you can't pause the movie to give the family the benefit of your views on (say) the feminazis --you can't rewind to understand what the guy/girl actually said --you can't freeze frame and step through a scene to see whether that was really a flash of pubic hair or your imagination. --you can't up the brightness to check same --you can't up the volume when there's dialog and drop it for the music (a problem with most movies today) --you have a whole lot of smelly ugly people around you, women wearing noxious perfumes and people consuming chemical coated bad-smelling popcorn or nauseating chocolate. --you can't play with the dog when the movie is boring but the family want to continue watching --you can't stop the movie and put in your backup feature wheneveryone agrees the movie is boring --you have to drive home as opposed to just walking up the stairs to bed.

Howard Stern Reads l-keford.com

XXX writes: The above message kicks off our new ad campaign, and will appear in ads in USA Today, as well as in Rolling Stone and People Magazine later this fall at a newstand near you!

The surprise awaiting Stern fans here at l-keford.com is our oft repeated theme that their beloved hero Howard is actually a closet transvestite!

We appreciate that many of our own l-keford.com fans originally came over from Howard Stern. A heartfelt thank you, Howard, and now we're going to cash in & go for the bigtime! You're totally f---ed!

Very reliable sources tell us that Howard personally reads our site daily. As a matter of fact, HE'S PROBABLY READING THIS RIGHT NOW!

Hi, Howard, did you like our doggy pictures last week? Just remember, guy, we can put that puppy on anybody's back we please, and there isn't jacks--- you can do about it!

We at l-keford.com think its an outrage that this closet transvestite is preaching his perversions daily to millions of unsuspecting Americans, and we intend to expose his hidden agenda completely.

So you better run to your closet and underwear drawers, Howie, and toss the evidence, cause it will all be over with very soon! Our hand is on the auto-destruct button and you continue to exist merely at Luke F-rd's whim, but not for long!

Luke is also interviewing pschologists here at California universities and contacting others nationwide, and will be compiling Howard Stern transvestite profiles to be published here in full at a later date.

If we're lucky, there may even be enough material for at least one unauthorized biography titled WHERE DOES ALL THE WEIRDNESS COME FROM? & Luke's new anti-Stern website now in the planning stages called HOWARD'S CLOSET. Also, look for Luke F-rd's upcoming interviews and by-lines to appear in National Examiner & Star later this fall!

Luke F-rd Strategy Session

XXX writes: Why Howard Stern is such a good target:

You certainly couldn't ask for a bigger target, could you? And he's nice and dumb enough to oblige us with gobs of extremely revealing personal material.

It's precisely because he is such a big name with such a large audience that he is worthy of attack, and extremely vulnerable to charges of a sexual nature.

Howard knows there is no defense to the accusation that he is a closet transvestite, and it perfectly fits everything we know about him. It explains where all the weirdness comes from. The best proof is that IT STOPS ALL THE LAUGHING. Which is precisely why Stern's fans are so angry: THEY CAN'T FIND HIM FUNNY ANYMORE, and they are pissed about it.

The Stern camp knows they cannot respond to this accusation without publicizing it. Damage control demands that they ignore the charge as long as possible. They also know that responding would only egg you on more, and make you even greedier for the limelight.

What about Stern the man? I personally think Howard would look perfectly natural selling user cars in either a striped polyester suit, or a pretty pink dress. He's sexually ambiguous. He's also glib, but not very intelligent. In fact, he goes out of his way to mock human intelligence with his crew of nitwits, etc. He has very limited intellectual resources to draw upon, and no ability to introspect or empathize.

The danger Stern represents is that he is a sexual boundary violator, a closet transvestite and sexual deviant preaching his perversions to 20 million unsuspecting Americans. That makes him evil and worthy of destruction. And a tabloid attack is exactly what is called for!

But let's leave the morality angle to his many other mortal enemies for now, and enjoy the thrill of the hunt! Let's enjoy preying on Stern, and wreak our havoc slowly and surely. Let's play on his weak, vulnerable mind, and do it all for pure fun!

Call the Stern show, tell them you're Luke F-rd, declare war and double-dare Howard Stern to invite you on the air. If he's suicidal enough to let you on, my advice is to head straight for Howard's sexual closet. Ask Howard what desperate secrets lurk there, and how he responds to rumors that he's a closet transvestite. Anything that happens is pure gravy!

Howard is really a wimp and asskisser, but don't fall for the sweet-talk. Go for the jugular, and destroy the man, shatter him! No mercy for you, Howard, not one drop! This is your chance to make your star, Luke--bask in the glory, and have fun!

This may really be your greatest and only opportunity to go for the bigtime, so cash in, my friend! Otherwise, some other tabloid artist will do Stern in soon, and take the story away from you, and no one will remember Luke F-rd had the scoop. DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!

Here's what you the reader can do to personally have a hand in the destruction of Howard Stern:

1)Contact every radio personality and shock jock on your local airwaves live and address the issue. Get on the air by any means necessary, and once on the air, ask "Is Howard Stern a closet transvestite, and what are we going to do about it?" Don't call once, call obsessively-compulsively.

2)Make a list of every radio and TV personality and newspaper reporter in your locale and make a point of calling and leaving at least one voicemail for each of them demanding a public investigation into Stern's transvestitism.

3)Write letters to the editors for each and every newspaper and magazine you subscribe to, regardless of the title.

4)Write and call each of your congressmen and senators till they are fully aware of the overriding importance of this issue for the integrity of our beloved country.

5)Write and e-mail your favorite (and least favorite) tabloids, like Star, National Enquirer, National Examiner, and Globe and demand they provide full coverage to this issue which is so vital to America's youth in the upcoming millenium.

6)E-mail every website in the US and in the world and inform them of this critical juncture in the future of our American youth who are listening daily to this sexual deviant transvestite.

7)E-mail Hugh Downs and tell him about it so he can join the battle for America's future.

8)E-mail every news site on the web and inform them that Howard Stern is a closet transvestite, and demand they provide investigative reporting and 24 hour coverage on Howard's sexual deviancy.

9)Contact every talkshow with an 800 number and blitz them with the charge that Stern is a closet transvestite.

10)Call all 800 and toll-free numbers everywhere, ask for the president or owner personally, and ask them to pledge their support.

11)Print and fax this e-mail to newsrooms and everywhere till Howard is destroyed. Your personal efforts are absolutely essential. Seniors, we especially need your time, help, and resources to nail Stern. Thank you, and be assured, we will be successful in terminating this monster!

Jim Gunn writes: Hey Mr. XXX: Re.- The misguided anti-Howard Stern campaign: Your life must be pretty empty for you to have such time to waste with this obsessive interest in Howard Stern. I happen to be a long-time fan of his, but even if one were not, why start this doomed-to-fail harassment campaign? Probably because you are some green-with-envy LOSER with nothing going on in your life or career (such as it may be) and, like many LOSERS nowadays, you figure that by making a lot of non-substantive noise on the internet you can get something going for yourself with the click of a mouse.

And Luke, by the way, your site's really gone to s---. I still read because you do mention something interesting once in a while, but if there's anyone who has ever taken a great idea and tried harder to ruin it than you have with this porn gossip site, I don't know who that would be!

A Short Biography of Ginger Lynn Allen

Luke receives some whacky emails but the below takes the cake. The writer (Dr. Pinker), not me, has a point to make, and I guess I will call it satire. It definitely does not purport to be factually true. Read on at your own risk.

Dr Pinker explains his style this way: "There's an infinite amount of material like this in psychoanalytic case histories. I was just using composites from various case histories..... You can key in on anyone's key personality trait or traits, lesbianism, etc. and make up a psychobiography, just like this one. The language of psychoanalysis is extremely graphic sexually and far out as you can see---(these are all quotes from actual recent case histories about lesbians in treament). And the material is easily interchangeable, just like horoscopes...... It can give apparently uncanny insights into other's motivations, real or imaginary."

The dawning of a girl's pleasurable experience of her body in the first two years of her life precedes penis envy as a developmental phase. These events take place when the little girl is no longer a baby but has not yet become a big girl. She does not know how to make sense of sensations, perceptions, and feelings.

Repeated exposure to parental intercourse had left Ginger Lynn stunned. "They thought I was asleep, but who could sleep?" Apparently her parents' sex life was anything but happy. Father had to plead to gain his wife's favors and then intercourse took place under the blankets.

To Ginger Lynn, the sounds and smells she experienced were a picture of hell. Mother always wimpered and father always grunted. "I used to think they were killing an animal in there. It smelled that way, too. But then I found out what they were doing and that they were doing it to each other and I thought I'd throw up--how could they be such animals?" She perceived that her mother thought that sex and female sexual organs were vile, and that father turned into a "wild creature" when confronted with his wife's odors. Ginger Lynn reacted by psychologically compromising and making herself into a "girlboy."

Ginger Lynn was not sure who possessed the penis--father or mother. She finally settled the problem in her imagination by creating a fantasy world where everyone was a girlboy, where everyone had a penis. To identify with her parents meant to have an illusory penis and to be a girlboy. Mother and auntie recalled and recounted with amusement Ginger Lynn's attempt to urinate like a boy.

Her body image remained incomplete, excluding knowledge and possession of her vagina. The wish for a penis slowly grew into the delusional idea that she either had one already or she would eventually grow one. Complaints that her underwear scratched "between her legs" went unheeded. Genitals and anus were called "between the legs" and "the moon" respectively, and this inability of her parents to name correctly and help her identify these body parts led to more confusion and anxiety.

When she asked, mother washed her mouth out with soap and told her not to be dirty. Ginger Lynn also asked older children in the street and was soon known as "sexy." But she was unable to remember what she was told and kept asking the same questions over and over. She reacted with immediate acceptance if anyone at all approached her sexually, with an insatiable hunger for instantaneous sexual gratification. She appeared to accept the fact that she was a girl because others told her so. Actually she was unconvinced. "My mother told me I was rotten, dog ugly and rotten. I thought by rotten she meant between my legs."

Interestingly, Ginger Lynn could not remember her mother's sanctions against masturbation. "I read her thoughts. I knew she hated her own sex organs. After a while she just stopped washing down there. My father was supposed to be turned off by the smell, but it made him so wild they'd go at it while I was in my bed trying to escape to my fantasy world." She remembered "rubbing herself raw" but feeling very little. In her world, genitals belonged to parents only.

She was alerted to the advantage of NOT receiving a religious education. She was allowed to bathe with her mother, and albeit infrequently, with her father--all in the name of a modern, progressive lifestyle.

"The old S.O.B. got a hard-on when mother had us bathe together," Ginger Lynn scornfully recalled, "He was embarrassed but also turned on. I s--- in my pants until I was six--then my sister was born and mother just said to "stop it" and I did. That taught me I could do anything--stop my s---, screw my father, you name it."

Bathing with either of her parents constituted overstimulation and consequently a danger to her poorly established body boundaries. In defense, she fantasized she could control her father's erection and both wished and feared penetration by him. She fantasized that actually SHE was in control, that her feces were her father's penis and her mother's barren breasts. She called this her "s--- period." She wryly characterized herself in early childhood as "the most uncultured bundle of untamed instincts." She was allowed to soil herself, exhibit herself in the nude to both parents, and see them naked.

As a result, she found no other outlet for her rage than to be as manipulative and exhibitionistic as her parents. The only path left for identification with her parents was to incorporate father and his penis and to wish secretly that she could give a baby to mother, since mother was seen as the only one entitled to femininity. This conveyed to Ginger Lynn that she must give up any feminine wishes such as having a family, a husband, or children.

Ginger Lynn had strong memories of both the odor and the usually soft consistency of her stool before she was toilet trained. She had liked it even more when either mother or father had to wash and clean her. The inevitable arousal at the hands of both parents early made her decide that she would always want two people to love her at the same time. She insisted she knew at some level she was homosexual even then because she preferred mother's washings.

What looked to her parents like compliance in toilet training was in reality an expression of increased castration anxiety. By playing with her feces, Ginger Lynn could imagine herself to be both the penis and the penisless mother as she watched the fecal mass descend out of her body and detach itself. She remembered the voluptuous feelings of letting go at the last moment, then retrieving her stool and trying to stuff it back into whatever opening she could find in her excitement. The fecal column became "proof" that she had a penis, which she could use to penetrate and control others with.

In her fecal play, she could fantasize that she was mother and could make babies....although bad, fecal ones....and that she was also father with the penis.

Her later sexual choices revealed a predeliction for highly seductive women who were sexually attractive to men. By possessing them, she could unconsciously vent her revenge fantasies on her father and on all men who had, in her fantasies, stolen her mother sexually from her. But in her childhood no such revenge was possible.

She confusedly insisted that she could seduce all men, that she could even grow a penis and "f--- herself," yet she was paralyzed by feelings of total helplessness and the fear of destruction. She angrily tried to push past her needs and desires. Her fantasies revolved around a universe in which she was totally self-sufficient, with a harem of women who would minister to her on command and be summarily dismissed.

But this fantasy was not enough to calm her. She needed to discharge her tensions. In order to do so, she began to masturbate compulsively and discovered her clitoris. But she considered such feelings to childish and "an absurd weakness." She felt she couldn't "tell her ass from her elbow any more in a f---ing world where every little hole is poked into." She ended the deadlock by sewing silken pillows in the shapes of nipples and penises that she planned to sell at handicrafts fairs. She needed to convince herself of the difference between these two body parts because she for so long had been unconsciously sure that she possessed both.

During this time, Ginger Lynn's female friends took on a new significance. She went to them for the stroking and fondling she had previously hoped to obtain from male lovers. The girls touched each other's breasts to give each other sexual feelings. "My God," Ginger Lynn agonized, "when am I going to stop being a homo like my sister said?" Clarification by a girlfriend that a vagina is not a wound down the middle nor a birth defect brought vast relief. A very subdued Ginger Lynn began to be interested in looking at babies in prams and talking to mothers and children on the street. She began to think of changing careers to become a nursery school teacher. Eventually, she dared to think of having a baby herself. She realized, " I can't do that alone. The baby needs a father."

Her grandiose fantasies of homosexual self-sufficiency disappeared. She discovered during masturbation that she had a brand new feeling in that area. "It's soft but it builds. I want someone with me. A man, a beautiful man with whom I could have babies." There was a brief upsurge of homosexual feelings but she did not act on her homosexual wishes. Later, however, poor impulse control led to many actions that denied the physical reality of two separate sexes.

She described her child's father as her lifeline, her sole reason for living. Their sex life was marked by extreme vacillations as well. Sometimes they had intercourse so often he complained of being "used as a stud." This was evident in her callous behavior toward him. He was valued only when he ministered to her.

Ginger Lynn was infuriated by his presence, and misread his horniness for weakness. There were long bouts of foreplay that did not always culminate in intercourse. She continued to prefer cunnilingus and the manipulations of her breasts. When she did allow penetration, she was started to note "that it was no big deal. I felt nothing....but he liked it." Ginger Lynn became aware of a "dead spot where my vagina should be" during heterosexual intercourse. Now she felt that her mother had robbed her of a penis. Further, all men were seen as "no good" and wanting just one thing, "to f---." She taunted him till he left her.

Her sister-in-law, a woman some 10 years older than Ginger Lynn, had initiated her into homosexual loveplay under the guise of teaching her how to please her first boyfriend. For Ginger Lynn, it was a revelation to be able to feel beautiful and desired. She eagerly allowed her to brush her long hair and to use the same brush to stroke her nipples into erection. She joyfully submitted. In reality, she had not enjoyed cunnilingus and had sucked ravenously on her lover's breast instead. The idea of taking a penis into her mouth had always aroused disgust, possibly a wish to bite it off. Now she wondered about the possibility of using a " make-believe penis to own a person(her term for fellatio) or using my real vagina instead."

She wanted to prove that women can do anything men can do, only better, with or without a penis. She picked markedly feminine women, preferably married, whose breasts she could fondle and nurse. When the women did not show enough excitement, she would pinch their nipples or bite them until the desired frenzied response was reached. She obtained nipple clamps and was incensed when one of her "steadies" refused their application. Ginger Lynn could only feel "real" when she saw her actions reflected in the actions of her lovers--as in a distorted and distorting mirror. When her lovers showed ecstasy and pain through their body movements, Ginger Lynn felt powerful and strong, like a man. Obviously, there was no true mirroring here, just a reflection of the sadistic omnipotence she needed to exist psychologically. Another way she found to structure her need to mold another was by learning to massage.

Her lovers were "bitches and dykes" whom she treated with amused superiority. In her sadistic sexual play, she took revenge on her malevolent internalized mother who had not made her male. She herself never reached orgasm, was uninterested in it, and became furious when her lovers touched her without permission. She provided exotic stimulants such as feathers and perfumed lotions for her partners and particularly liked to wrap herself and her partners in diaphanous veils.

She reached orgasmlike tension release by being stroked by these veils. It took much longer for her to allow "feelings to invade that hole I misused so much. I also don't seem to be able to hold on to people, to have a steady relationship as I once did, and all my creativity has dried up."

"In the past, I'd go through cycles of almost manic creativity. I'd make a dozen movies. Then I'd lay off for a while and screw someone. Then the cycle would swing round again. I felt filled up and after a week or two, we'd come back and I'd start to work again. Now I'm all dried up. I hate the bitches I f---. They don't fill me up."

Brad from DangerBoy Video writes: If Kendra's smart...she'll have a camera on her 24/7....so if she and jasmine skank claire get it on....we can all enjoy it later. it would be kinda funny to see a championship caliber wrestler like jasmine get worked by a lowly ole porn star like Kendra and it somehow makes its way to the wwf.... It could be free publicity for Extreme..although they'd be backin the loser We wrapped the Edit last night on Mila's new movie..The Wreckage. It's Sick. Stupid sick. Thats good, right?

TWAndyP: hey luke. what was the jewish holiday this weekend?
Luzdedos1: simchat torah, a terrific one. I'm returning to acting class this week, I went for a long walk on the sm beach today
TWAndyP: I was at a club last night in the jewish area and there was a ton of people on foot. We were all watching the crowd on the sidewalk and wondering what was up.
Luzdedos1: dancing with torah scrolls
TWAndyP: they were in a good mood that's for sure Luzdedos1: party time, judaic style