Saturday, September 18th, 1999
Brandy's Fling With James Toback
Brandy Alexandre writes: Since you mention Jim Toback on your site, here's a heavily edited excerpt from my book "Shot-on-Video: Everything You Wanted To Know About a Life in Porn and a Few Things You Didn't." Remember this is before porn...
______ I didn't have sex with Jim Toback in the traditional way. He was the writer and director for Beatty's rotten movie, The Pick-up Artist. I struck up a conversation with him and mentioned I wanted to be a production assistant. He invited me to the Shangri-la in Santa Monica to "discuss" the possibility. Always willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I went.
He talked about actresses who f--- their way into the work they get, using Tanya Roberts, as an example. (Of course I don't know if that's true, but having seen her work I can believe it.) He was apparently leading up to the suggestion I take the same approach, even if I was only looking for grunt work. It wouldn't have been entirely out of the question; there were many directors I had met with whom I would gladly have a quickie--like John Landis, Peter Weir, Taylor Hackford, Sydney Pollack--just not Jim Toback.
He started to get a little touchy-feely, but, sensing my unease, told me he wasn't interested in sex. All he wanted was for me to pinch his nipples while he played with my boobs and ground his crotch against me. I obliged; it was all pretty harmless. Besides, if that's all he wanted, and if it would get me some work, why not? Messy for him, clean for me. The guy got off in his undies and I never even took off my clothes.
I left my phone number with him and he promised to keep me in mind when his next project came around. I bet you can guess how that turned out.
Luke's Book Sucks
A reviewer, a rec.arts.movies.erotica lurker, September 15, 1999, Author Reviews Himself I felt the irresistable urge to point out that the first review from 'Levi,' (luzdedos1@aol.com) is Luke F-rd himself. While I haven't read the book in question, it concerns me that the author didn't have enough faith in his book so he had to 'stuff the ballot box' with four stars. Also recommended: Tales from the Clit, Coming Attractions
Thomas Helmer (torvaldh@yahoo.com), database editor in Boston, September 8, 1999, An interesting tale the telling of which is hurt by its abysmal editing The book is a fairly interesting overview of the industry, but the book is so badly edited (the writing is pretty bad, too; at times, you feel like you're reading a thesis by a high school sophomore that had been word-processed the night before it was due), I would counsel any interested party to read it at a bricks n' mortar book store. You wouldn't want such a piece of -- ahhh, such a slap-dash production in your own personal library, and you sure as heck aren't going to read this again for its style or wit. You'd probably be better off buying the Meese Commission report on porn; at least that was crafted by the head writer for the CAPTAIN KANGAROO show, who knew something about writing!
Guy Lazarus (guy_lazarus@hotmail.com), an editor living in California, August 27, 1999:
I was irritated about Ford's handling of the Supreme Court's 1973 Miller decision, which applied community standards to porno and put the brake on the whole party until the skyrocketing sales of VCRs in the 1980s. While Miller is mentioned frequently, I never felt that Ford truly elucidated the deleterious effects the decision had on the development of the pornographic film industry or on the arts and entertainment industry in the US as a whole. The decision is just not given the WEIGHT it deserves in the text, though I must concede, this may be an honest matter of different interpretations. My point is, though, there is precious little interpretation or application of authorial skill to the telling of this fascinating story.
A HISTORY OF X is slapdash effort that should shame the publishing house, Prometheus Books. 'I'm a star,' Dirk Diggler says in BOOGIE NIGHTS working off a riff in a Sly Stone song, but the only reason Ford's book gets a star is because amazon.com won't allow someone to give NO STARS. (Although they do alow an author to rate his own book; how tacky, but so is this whole sorry production.)
Luke's Love Hate Fest
Luke did a threeway with two of his girlfriends Thursday night over the phone. With trepidation, I introduced Cocksocket to Nice Jewish Girl:
NJG: Luke's a player... He'll never settle down. He does this schtick, poor pathetic me, no girls understand me.
Cocksocket: He'll tell you that I have no sympathy for him.
NJG: But you sent him a naked picture of yourself. Why?
Cocksocket: I don't have a problem with that.
NJG: If you sleep with him, you will regret it. You don't understand, he disses women really bad.
CS: You've gotten a lot further in the thought process than I have...
NJG: Don't be naive. Luke is a wolf with women. Did you notice what he said today about he knows the niece of Saul Bellow. That's one of his dates. He has a lot of dates... Do you know that?
CS: Absolutely.
NJG: That's cool with you.
CS: Considering the situation that I am in, that is absolutely fine with me.
NJG: Oh, are you married?
CS: No.
NJG: And did he tell you that he wants to get married to you and all that?
CS: Yeah, been down that road.
Luke: I do.
NJG: He tells that to every girl.
CS: Absolutely.
Luke: I don't. I haven't told that to anyone.
NJG: Luke lies. He told that to me. He tells it to everyone.
Luke: When did I tell it to you NJG?
NJG: Oh please Luke. He totally told it to me.
Luke: I did? Oh.
NJG: You realize that any chick he sleeps with, he can't deal with.
CS: I am on the other side of the country... That thought hasn't even entered my mind.
Luke: Wait, Cocksocket, the thought of sleeping with me hasn't entered your mind?
NJG: You send him a naked picture of yourself... You have no self respect, you need to live in San Francisco man. My girlfriends would rip you to pieces. You just don't f---ing do that, especially to a person like that. He is a wolf. He's a player.
CS: Isn't part of being a strong woman being able to be in control of things like that? Of your body.
NJG: Oh yeah, as long as you diss him first.
CS: What makes you think I haven't?
NJG: You only talked to him four times yesterday and the day before for seven hours...
CS: You sound jealous...
NJG: Jealous, ohmigod, please. Take him!
CS: What's up with you crying a river of tears over him. What's that about? If he's that pathetic, why waste the time?
NJG: Because he's sick and I'm sick... But you're not that sick, I can already tell. He's going to run over you like a Mac Truck.
CS: No he's not. He's not going to do a single thing to me that I don't allow him to do or want him to do.
NJG: He already likes that you're innocent...
CS: He knows that I am not innocent... I'm Catholic. Catholics aren't innocent.
NJG: If you think you are going to marry this guy, you've got another thing coming.
Luke: I'm going to marry Cocksocket.
NJG: There's a line of women out his door and around the house who've heard the same line. He'd admit that.
Luke: True.
CS: To redeem myself, did you know that my politics are completely on the other end of the spectrum from his.
NJG: He doesn't care about that, the only thing that matters to him is vagina. Getting vagina and leaving as soon as possible.
Luke: You don't think I respect chicks for their minds and stuff?
NJG: No. You like their vaginas Luke.
Luke: And their breasts.
NJG: That's all he likes.
Luke: Also their ass.
NJG: The one good thing about Luke is that any chick will do. It doesn't matter if she's the scummiest looking chick on earth. That's cool with him. But all the other s--- you have to put up with, that he will never ever marry anyway... He is so f---ed up beyond belief about women and he cannot be faithful to one woman ever, and he lies all the time about this marriage s---... My father was just like him. So I've got his number.
My dad was engaged to six women at once and one woman was paying for him. I know...
Luke: Kendra Jade is IMing me.
NJG: You know about his thing with Kendra, don't you?
CS: Remember, we talked about her unfortunate hair.
NJG: Kendra does have Luke's number... She knows him and she isn't willing to put up with his bulls---.
CS to Luke: It's not good enough that you are talking to both of us, you have to be talking to her at the same time?
Luke: Yeah. I'm needy for attention.
NJG: He's probably telling her that he wants her to BLOW him. CS, is this what you want honey? He's being really serious...
Luke: Kendra has a message for you ladies. Tell them to forget it, you are, after all, my leftovers.
NJG: Tell Kendra she can have you.
Luke: She doesn't want me.
NJG: And I don't want you.
Luke: But CS, you want me right?
NJG: He's so awful that even a porn star doesn't want him.
CS: A porn star with bad hair...
NJG: Kendra is all right...
Luke: NJG, you said some nasty things about Kendra...
NJG: I did but I like her actually.
Luke: I like to bring people together.
NJG: Don't forget he's a Gemini and Geminis are the hos of the Zodiac.
CS: I don't give any credence to that stuff.
NJG: That's fine but he is. He can be really cold. He can be all into you and then really cold the next day.
CS: I'm not hanging my star on him...
NJG: Why do you think he wanted to do this threeway? Because in his own self destructive head, he wanted me to tell you the truth about what he's really like.
CS: Luke, isn't that what I just said to you. You're a masochist. I know you are.
NJG: It's really good that we're talking because you sound really sweet. You don't sound at all like me. And I've been there and I really hate men.
Luke: Where have you been NJG?
NJG: That's for my website. On another day Luke, when you help me put my website up.
CS: It's blanket statement, you hate men. All men.
NJG: Isn't that true Luke?
Luke: CS, she hates men like I hate porno. She has many feelings about men and hatred is just one of them.
NJG: Oh, Luke's trying to be really intelligent here.
CS: Luke, go back to your little chickie on the other end of the computer, we were having a conversation. That really is rude.
Luke: I'm sorry, I won't do it anymore.
NJG: Oh, he'll do it all the time to you...
Luke: Cocksocket, anytime you want my undivided attention, you let me know and you've got it, because I'm yours.
NJG: You believe him?
Hysterical laughter.
CS: Luke, stop typing.
Luke: I'll give her up for you.
NJG: That's only because she dissed him.
Luke: Cocksocket is the only one for me, I could never be happy with any other woman.
CS: Well, I'm glad to be raising the caliber of women you normally have conversations with.
NJG: He's into intelligent women. He's also into porno chicks and he's also into stupid chicks. Any chick will do.
I don't know cocksocket, I think you're just like all the other chicks who get attracted to him and they find that he's a major dog. In the future, I would never email a guy a naked picture. It just shows you don't have self respect.
CS: Wait a minute, let me finish.
NJG: No, you listen to me. I'm older.
CS: That means nothing to me. What it shows is that I am very proud of my body.
NJG: All it says to men is that you are a ho.
CS goes ballistic: I realize the problem you have with men. I don't have that problem. Don't project that on to the entire gender.
Luke: CS is my future wife... She's just got to convert to Judaism...
NJG: I hope so Luke, until the next one shows up. Until you go over to Kendra Jade's house.
Luke: No, this is it NJG. I'm turning over a new leaf. Luke "Monogamy" Ford.
NJG: Do you believe him CS?
CS: Don't you think as a woman embodying feminine power that I have a right to be proud of my body?
NJG: Oh, it's a complicated issue... I would essentially agree with you... But the reality is, if you walk down any street in this city and you walk naked or you walk with a low top, you're going to get it from Luke and Luke's men. They don't respect women. They don't know how.
CS: If I am walking down the street naked or in a low cut top, why am I doing that?
Luke: To get attention from men.
NJG: It usually makes other women uncomfortable... Women don't like it. Look, you could be wearing a Victorian dress and still get unwanted attention from men.
CS: How do you handle unwanted attention from men?
NJG: I try to walk across the street when I see men. Me and all my girlfriends, every girl I know, walks across the street when they see men.
In the past, I've had really tall boyfriends...
CS: So you like men well enough to date them?
NJG: Yes, ask Luke.
CS: Do they know that you hate men?
NJG: Oh yeah.
Luke: She likes conflict guys and conflicted guys like her. She's a trip.
CS: I need to get a bottle of wine... I'll be back.
Luke: Hi NJG, how are you?
NJG: Do you miss me Luke?
Luke: I miss you NJG.
NJG: Do you miss me a whole lot?
Luke: I miss you a whole lot.
NJG: When are we getting married?
Luke: We can't get married. I'm getting married to CS.
NJG: Yeah, like this is going to last. I can already hear her...
CS: Would you like to know anything about me?
NJG: CS, honey, I don't need to. I can already tell. I'm older than you.
CS: What does that matter?
Luke: Cocksocket, you've got to respect your elders.
NJG: Honey, I have been there... I have been in your seat.
Luke: She's cried a river of tears.
CS: I've never cried a river of tears over anyone.
NJG: You don't know Luke F-rd.
CS: I feel the need to make you understand that I am not...
Luke: A trick.
CS: Whatever that means.
NJG laughs: You don't even know what that means. I know what that meant by the time that I was 18.
CS: What does that say about you?
NJG: It says that I am a very edgy girl, huh Luke?
Luke: Yeah, she's a very edgy girl.
CS: I listen to devil music... Metallica...
NJG: Don't you think James Hatfield is hot? I love that pockmarked face, like Richard Burton...
Luke: What do you think of the Kennedys?
NJG: I love them. And I really love John John. He looked like one of my ex boyfriends.
CS, do you think he's gay?
CS: Absolutely not.
NJG: Luke thinks he's gay and into young asian guys. And everybody I know, nobody believes Luke. We all agree that maybe he had some experiences with men, but so what, it was the '80s. I mean, like, who didn't?
Luke: I didn't.
NJG: You did too.
Luke: I did not.
NJG: What about that little incident when you were little Luke?
Luke: That wasn't the '80s. It was the '70s.
NJG: If John John would've met me, he would've gone for me. Because I am very powerful.
CS: He was younger than you...
NJG: Not by much. My last boyfriend was way younger than me.
Luke: NJG needs a younger man so that he can keep up with her. She wears out men her own age.
CS: You need an older one so that she can keep you in line because you like that.
Luke: NJG is a man wrecker.
CS: Luke, considering that you instigated this whole melange, you have been awfully quiet.
Luke: I'm subtle.
NJG: That's his way. I love how you slipped onto his site and fell for him. Luke, I typed to Cookie yesterday about the whole thing and we were cracking up. I'm like, I'm just going to watch this girl self destruct on his site, because I know what he does.
Luke: Cookie is a mother figure to NJG.
NJG: She did everything wrong. She likes him instead of disliking him. She sends him naked pictures.
CS: Don't get the idea that I think that every word that comes out of his mouth is golden. Now Luke, this is where you need to step in and tell her.
NJG: I would hope not, CS, no girl would believe him.
Luke: NJG, what is it that you like about me?
NJG: I don't know. I would have to go back into my notes Luke.
Because I think we're similar.
CS: That's a very self loathing statement.
NJG: He self loathes.
CS: Evidently you do too.
Luke: Oh yeah, she hates herself big time.
NJG: Oh yeah, you do too, big time.
Luke: That's true.
CS: Cause I don't.
Luke: You don't hate NJG big time?
CS: No, I don't hate myself.
Luke: Well just stay on a few minutes.
NJG appears in the Thursday, 9/16/99 San Francisco Chronicle in an article Neva Chonin:
In the face of this influx of bitch-slapping, metal-rap
rockers, many women are beginning to feel they've
been played for fools by the music industry. On Web
sites such as Hissyfit and the ROCKRGRL message
board, the Woodstock rapes have provoked debates
on music, gender and responsibility that are rife with
passionate charges and counter-charges. One
ROCKRGRL poster screen-named "Njg" sums up the
collective sense of post-grrl shock when she writes,
"While we were sleeping, while we thought that we
were equal, while we were busy with our lives, the
f***ers came in and changed the channel on us and
took away the remote."
Her post is one of many responding to a widely
circulated e-mail from Courtney Love describing the
singer's encounters with oily "chick wranglers" when
Hole played a series of shows with Korn last winter. In
it, Love decries both the Korn camp's abuse of its
young groupies and the stupidity of teenagers who
dog-paddle in waters too far over their heads.
"I don't know if anyone raped her, I wasn't there,'' Love
writes of a battered Korn groupie who begged for help
after an alleged post-concert assault in Australia. "But
SHE was in the lobby, she got 'picked'. SHE put
herself there. Or maybe the 'people' thought she was
a tasty young thing and they put her there. Either way
she attended the ceremony... and [now] after
Woodstock I just feel the SOURCE of this rape
environment is buried somehow in this story --
because this did not happen before now, since '91."
Responses to Love's missive have been universal in
their condemnation of rock's resurgent sexism, but
divided over whether the groupies-turned-victims bear
some complicity in their plight. Should women who
willingly pursue notoriously macho bands into the land
of assembly line fellatio be supported or given an
I-told-you-so lecture when loutish group sex becomes
group rape? How did we wind up with a new
generation of girls who, despite having guitar-wielding
women icons in front of them, still choose to approach
rock stardom on their knees? And should women who
reward rock stars' misogyny with sex share
responsibility with their idols when it comes to
perpetuating a "rape environment" like the one at
Woodstock?
The debate continues, but through all the hyperbole
one fact seems clear. At a time when female rockers
are supposed to be enjoying the fruits of rock's
much-ballyhooed "decade of the woman" and
preparing for a shiny new millennium, they seem
instead to be on the verge of a sonic-sexual Dark Age.
So much for girl power.
"What did we expect?" demands Njg. "We trusted
men again, like we always do. We believed their pain
when they said that they weren't being treated right,
we heard them. And what do we get? RAPESTOCK.
Thank you guys. Thank you very much."
CS: I think it is unfortunate that a man or a series of men have made you feel that the entire male gender is bad.
NJG laughs hysterically: Chicks were trying to go to the bathroom and they got raped.
Luke: Well, a lot of them probably wanted it.
CS: Now Luke, it is just better if you don't say anything right now.
NJG: I like those quotes by Andrea Dworkin, that romance is rape with longing glances. I thought that was so cool.
CS: Have you ever been in love?
NJG: Luke, have I ever been in love?
Luke: Yeah, and she had her heart ripped out by a man.
CS: Could that maybe be one of the driving forces behind this hatred?
NJG: We have to look at my father.
Luke: Did he ever incest you or was that just your grandfather?
NJG: Please, never say that. My father never did. My father worshipped the ground I walked on and I broke his heart. He loved me so much.
Luke: How did you break his heart?
NJG: Because he was a dog. The only thing that gets to a dog is the dog's daughter. He died in January.
Luke: Was it something you said?
NJG giggles: It could've been a series of conversations we had in December...
Luke: Did he go downhill rapidly after that?
NJG: He did. Shut up Luke. You're saying I killed my father...
Luke: Cocksocket, do you think that NJG killed her father?
CS: Unlike you Luke, I wouldn't be able to speak on that unless I had all the facts.
I like Depeche Mode...
NJG: The lead singer is Jewish and a heroin addict and suicidal...
CS: And there's not a thing in the world that I wouldn't do for him.
NJG: He looks like my stepfather.
Luke: I like Mozart, Haydn and Schubert.
NJG: He can't handle the emotions of rock n'roll.
Luke: It's so primitive.
CS: What's wrong with that?
NJG: When Shenae sings, get the razor blades out of your house...
CS: I don't see why emotions have to be bad.
Luke: NJG, do emotions have to be bad?
NJG: The fun ones.
CS: I don't have this element of self destruction that the two of you share...
Luke: Is it ok if I play this conversation back and masturbate to it?
CS: I'd think you could find something more exciting...
Luke: This is cool... Having two chicks fighting over me.
CS: We're fighting?
NJG: What are you talking about Luke? We're trashing you.
CS: Bless her heart. Which is what southern women get to say when they say something bad. You can say, she's such a whore, bless her heart.
NJG: I had a southern boyfriend once.
CS: I've never had a southern boyfriend.
NJG: He was so tortuous and charming and he was a player. And he brought this girl to this meeting we were at, and I just looked at him and I said, f--- you, get away from me. And he started chasing me down the street. It was so cool. He was calling me every day. And I'd say, are you sleeping with that girl? And he'd say, no, I'm not sleeping with her. And I'd say, Chris, don't f---ing lie to me.
CS: I've never had a boyfriend cheat on me.
NJG: We were on the corner...and screaming at each other at 6AM. And he's supposed to take me to work... And we were screaming loud. It was cool though.
I was just reading a review of a Carol Queen video. About doing your boyfriend with dildos.
CS: Called Bend Over Boyfriend...
NJG: And there was this picture in the paper of this girl with her boyfriend bent over and I thought, that is a really cool picture. It was interesting and degrading and I dig that.
Luke: What do you think of Bukkake porn, where a group of 50 guys jerks off on a woman's face?
NJG: I think it is really sad that these women don't get paid more than $500 for this.
CS: I spent more than that on clothes today.
NJG: This is just another reason to hate guys. They don't pay these chicks enough... For 50 guys to jerk off on your face...
CS: That's the chick's problem. They need to unionize.
NJG: My southern boyfriend used to sit around and call me woman...
CS: And you allowed him to?
NJG: I thought it was really interesting... Nobody had ever dared call me that in my life. This gets to me on some weird primal level that he would call me woman. He would do it in front of my friends and stuff. Woman...
CS: I've never had a boyfriend call me woman.
NJG: Cause you've never had a southern boyfriend.
CS: I have southern brothers and a southern father and I can promise you that none of them have ever done that either.
Luke: They don't say, woman, could you get my dinner please?
NJG, do you think Cocksocket will make a good Jew?
NJG: Cocksocket, he doesn't really want you, want you. He just wants you to convert. He's got that Christian thing of converting... If you're really Jewish, you don't care.
Luke: Kendra just came back online and wants to know how are the two girls? What should I tell her?
CS: I asked you not to talk to her. Now aren't you conflicted Luke? Well, everything is about choices.
Luke: So what do you like about my website NJG?
NJG: Me.
CS: You have a destructive pattern. I made better choices than that.
NJG: I'm sure you did. Good for you.
CS: Why do you date men if this is the way you feel about men? Date women.
NJG: I'm not attracted to women.
CS: But you're not attracted to men.
Luke: She loves men.
Giggle.
Luke: You can love and hate.
NJG: I love Andrea Dworkin and the whole hate men movement...
CS: Don't you have any men that you love?
NJG: I love Luke. We have known each other in a different life...
CS: Oh God, let's not go down that path. The idea of another life smacks to me of, let's not take responsibility for this one.
Luke: Could we all get together at my place sometime?
NJG: You don't have enough room.
CS: There's not enough wine in the world.
Luke: We'd sit on my couch.
NJG: He doesn't have a couch.
Luke: On my bed.
NJG: You don't have a bed. You sleep on the floor. I've been to your house...
Luke: We'd have to be tightly packed... NJG, what do I need to be a good husband and father?
NJG: Be my good husband my father?
Luke: No.
CS: I think we may have just hit upon the crux of the entire conversation. You want Luke to marry you.
NJG: No way. I thought he said that to me, when he said, tell me how to be your husband...
Luke: NJG, can you make peace with my marring Cocksocket?
NJG: Good, cool...
CS: This is the most dysfunctional conversation I've had in my entire life.
NJG: You're kidding.
CS: The two of you have a dynamic that is boggling to me.
NJG: People on the website think that too.
Luke: CS, when we get married, I'm going to have to get a bigger place.
NJG: And live off you. Whoops, I wasn't supposed to say that.
Luke: NJG, I make $42,000 a year off my website.
NJG: So what? I make almost as much as you make...
Luke: NJG, she bought $900 worth of lingerie today.
NJG: Cocksocket, tell me you didn't buy this because you were going to see Luke?
CS: No. I bought it for me. I wear it every day.
NJG: You wear lingerie every day.
Luke: Yeah, she's an escort.
CS: What's your definition of lingerie?
NJG: Those tacky teddy things.
CS: That's an extremely narrow definition of lingerie... But I did buy some, yes. And when I wear suits, I do wear a one piece. Do you have a problem with wanting to look pretty?
NJG: The women I know are all amazons. We are all extremely intelligent and we're not into wearing anything that would please a man. My friends are hot...
CS: Why would you think that what I did today would have anything to do with pleasing a man? It pleases me.
NJG: I've heard that argument before... I think that's fine. If you like that frilly...
CS: Not all of it is frilly. Some of it is very harsh, which you would probably like.
NJG: Most of it is tacky.
CS: I have clothes on over them.
NJG: You wear clothes over your teddies? Oooooh.
Luke: That's in case if she's in a business meeting and she gets seduced, she can slip right into a teddy.
CS: In case I feel that the meeting is not going my way...
For someone who is all about feminine power, I don't think you get it. You're about feminine agression. That's not power, that's negative attention. What in the world could possibly be wrong with working hard to look good. I work my ass off to look good.
NJG giggles: Have you had surgery or anything?
CS: No I haven't but I'm at the gym three days a week and I run and I do that for me. I don't do that for a man. Because I feel better when I look good.
Luke: And I feel better too when I look good.
NJG: For what? For these creeps.
CS: You know it is not for men, it is for each other. Women care a lot more about how other women look than men ever could.
NJG: Well, maybe in your city. Not in mine.
CS: You're so enlightened in San Francisco.
NJG: Cocksocket, you sound really upset. Don't be upset.
CS yells: I'm not upset.
NJG: I come from a different place. From punk rock...
CS: And I come from the generation that is pissed off at your generation for what you did to the femininist movement.
CS speaks off the phone: Thanks for coming over.
CS: I just had a man in my apartment. I better go disinfect.
NJG: Oooohh. Kick him out.
CS: I wasn't getting upset. I was speaking louder because the two of you weren't liustening to me.
NJG: Cocksocket, I was totally listening.
Luke: So was I, Cocksocket, totally.
NJG: You're such a snake. You're just trying to use my words to get into my good graces. You are a dog.
Luke: I am but don't tell Cocksocket.
NJG: Don't you think I should have a website?
CS: Ok, quit trashing me. I'm back.
Luke: NJG is XY years of age.
NJG explodes: I am not... And you better not put that on your website.
NJG: I don't know why I am sensitive about my age because I meet guys younger than me all the time who argue with me about how old I am.
CS: Don't you realize that everything we discuss, you make it about a man?
NJG: Thank you. That's good. I'm conflicted. My girlfriends would be like, that's right. That's f---ing right she does... Everything is about some f---ing guy. I can hear them right now trying to kill me. I'm sick of it.
CS: Why?
NJG: Cause I'm f---ed up.
Luke: CS, can you help NJG?
CS: I thought that was your job?
Luke: I'm the problem, not the solution.
CS: You're the enemy. I do feel like the two of you need some kind of counseling.
NJG: I have thought about this... Shenae O'Connor is seeing a shrink... And she's lost her art and she's in a Catholic cult and they call her a saint. I think you can't see a shrink because you're dysfunction is your art. And if you lose your dysfunction, you lose your art. And so f--- seeing a shrink. I want my dysfunciton, I want my art, I want my creativity... I want all the s--- that makes me who I am.
CS: And makes you miserable every single day of your life?
NJG: Not miserable every single day of my life.
Luke: No, not every day. Maybe a few times a week and before you menstruate.
NJG: God, aren't I really bad then? But it's not the periods that bother me...
Luke: It's the men, they are so insensitive.
NJG: Yeah, then I have to argue with them and yell at them... A certain person.
Luke: Me.
NJG: It's my father's fault. Luke's like my father. My stepfather was a much nicer guy... And I always vacillate between the scum of the earth and the much nicer guy that's more grounded...and he was cute... I think women should be as f---ing superficial as hell when it comes to looks.
CS: I expect to be with a man who cares as much about himself and his body as I do on mine.
Luke: Does that mean I have to spend $900 plus on lingerie?
CS: My body, not my clothing.
Luke: Well, I care more about your body than I do about mine.
NJG: Of course you do, Luke.
Luke: You should see her body, NJG, she has awesome knockers.
NJG: Good.
CS: Oh come on, I don't think that was necessary.
Luke: Oh, sorry.
CS: You've got to stop doing that so quickly.
NJG: He doesn't mean it, that's why he says it. He doesn't mean anything he says.
Luke understands me because he's just as obsessed about women as I am about men. And he's as conflicted about women as I am about men.
CS: I've yet to hear him say that he hates women.
NJG: He doesn't, but he does in the way he treats them. And maybe in the way I treat men, I hate them too.
Luke: CS, do you think I hate women, because I watch gangbangs...
NJG: And have rape fantasies...
Luke: I think this is enough.
NJG: He's toast.
CS: Luke, this isn't all about fodder for your website.
NJG: He doesn't know that.
Luke: NJG, you don't think I can relate to women on a human-to-human basis without thinking about how to manipulate people into providing fodder for my website?
CS: Why do you let him post all of your conversations on the website?
NJG: Because I think they're cool. They're interesting.
Luke: Like a car wreck.
CS: Perfect analogy.
Luke: Is that healthy?
CS: Absolutely not healthy.
NJG: But Luke himself is a car wreck.
CS: And you're with the rubber neckers.
NJG: I'm in another car.
Luke: We collided.
NJG: Yeah.
Luke and NJG laugh.
NJG: We're that movie Crash, but we're the real thing.
CS: J.G. Ballard hates women.
Luke: Don't you think that my conversation with NJG have a therapeutic effect on her?
CS: No, I think abstinence would be the best thing for her.
NJG: Everyone, including my mother, says the same thing. Cookie's mad at you.
Luke: Was it the incest thing? Cocksocket, don't you think that when I talked to NJG about her incest and rape, that I handle it in a sensitive and nonexploitive manner?
CS: No. That you engage her in the conversation is nonsensitive and exploitive. But I think she likes that.
NJG: Rip him to shreds. Don't let him get away with it.
CS: I think you totally get off on him being insensitive. You feed on it. You find it empowering for him to exhibit the very behavior you accuse him of. I think you like egging him on... It's this big hate love fest.
NJG: Is that what you're going to title this Luke? The Big Love Hate Fest?
Luke: I love it.
NJG: Isn't that great?
CS: I think you should edit out my comments.
Luke: Cocksocket, NJG and I want you be a part of our lives.
CS: This is all about the two of you.
Luke: Cocksocket, you are the one who makes a better day, so let's not give in. It's choice we're making... You know we can make a better day...
NJG, stop listening to that Heroin music. It's self destructive.
CS: Ever hear the story about the pot and the kettle, Luke?
Luke: Cocksocket, I'm trying to uplift people, elevate them, stand up for morality...
CS: Whose morality? Yours?
Luke: God's morality is my morality, cocksocket.
CS: I think you believe your own hype.
Luke: Cocksocket, you don't think that all the media coverage I've achieved in the last 18 months has gone to my head?
NJG: A star in your own mind.
Luke: I was on Entertainment Tonight and Fox Files and the cover of the New Times Los Angeles...
NJG: When I saw him, Cocksocket, he was like, I'm Luke F-rd dot com...
Luke: Chicks dig me. Cocksocket, why do women find me so irresistible?
CS: NJG, why did you drive down to see him?
NJG: I flew down to see my family... I liked him... Because I'm another car wreck. It's hard for somebody who's normal to understand him.
CS: Because you're as twisted as he is, you should be with him?
NJG: I don't know. That's up to him. I've already told him that I would never sleep with him unless we were married... I don't trust him.
Luke: NJG, could you give me a blowjob outside of marriage?
NJG: No.
Luke: NJG, does it bother you that each of the last three days, I've blown loads fantasizing about Cocksocket?
CS: The Luke F-rd Masturbation society was completely dead on, which makes it hilarious.
NJG: It read like a teen boy had written it...
CS: Someone he doesn't even know sent it, someone who doesn't know how he's been abusing himself the last three days.
NJG: He abuses himself every day and he talks about it all the time.
Luke: The last three days, when I've been choking my chicken, I've only been thinking about Cocksocket. Normally I think about six or seven girls until I get off...
CS: I don't care if you're thinking about the next door neighbor's cat...
NJG: Bestiality rears its ugly head again...
Luke: No poofters.
CS: Luke, what did I tell you about not using that word. It's derogatory and it's mean.
NJG: Yeah Luke, it's derogatory and it's mean.
You can't change a man.
CS: I can change his behavior when he's talking to me or I won't be talking to him. I don't care what he does when he's not talking to me. And he knows that I don't like that derogatory phraseology.
Luke: God, NJG, she's so strong.
NJG: I know. Really. Can I just lean on her strength? I'm into strong chicks.
Luke: I like strong chicks too. Maybe we can both lean on her...
CS: But I wear lipstick.
NJG: I wore lipstick to a Courtney Love concert.
Luke: Did you shoot heroin too?
CS: You gave in to the patriarchy. It wasn't created to accentuate the one thing that men most want around their cocks.
Luke: NJG, when was the last time you gave a hummer of a blowjob?
NJG: I don't know Luke, when was the last time you did?
Luke: I never have.
NJG: Are you sure? You obsess about it. Maybe you should.
Luke: No, it's gay.
NJG: But you are kinda gay. You're the dish queen. That's gay. You're into anal. That's gay. You like gangbangs. That's gay.
Luke: Cocksocket, do I seem gay to you?
CS: I'm confused. NJG, does that make you a fag hag?
NJG: Definitely am. I dig gay men. Gay men are cool. They're not wrecking women, they are wrecking each other. Plus, they're sympathetic and they love me.
Luke: Thanks NJG, good night.
Cocksocket, wasn't that a trip?
CS: Ohmigod.
Csocket99: So, does the conversation seem even more
ridiculous the 2nd time around?
Luzdedos1: it is hilarious
Csocket99: hilariously bad, I'd imagine
Luzdedos1: i luv it
Luzdedos1: i sent you a transcript
Csocket99: Does that mean I get review rights before
you post?
Luzdedos1: yes
Csocket99: I appreciate you being so judicious in
your editing. I think NJG would be surprised that you'll do that for
me
Csocket99: And we're both your "girlfriends"?
I think maybe we should be called friends...she'll go nuts if you say
girlfriends. I think you should include the part about her centering
every thought around men...and take out that Kendra part...she'll not
like me very much.
Later, NJG phoned. I feel bad for her. I don't care who you do.
Luke: She's never encountered anyone like you.
BrandyAlx1: So, when do I get to have a threeway with you and NJG? ;) BrandyAlx1: I'm jealous. I thought we were an item Luzdedos1: how about now?
So at 5:30 PM, Luke conducted a threeway with NJG and Brandy Alexandre.
Brandy: In the porn circle, I'm like Albert Einstein. Perhaps that's why I don't want to step out of it.