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Wednesday, September 15th, 1999

I hear that Seneca is pregnant with Mad Jack's baby. Seneca Seneca Seneca Seneca I also hear that he's started drinking again.

AIM, with Mad Jack's cooperation, will open a branch office in Las Vegas. I hear that a former key employee at AIM is now in rehab in Tarzana. She supposedly fell off the wagon after nine years clean and sober. Dunno if that is true... Another AIM employee supposedly left a few weeks/months ago because she was stealing money.

I hear that Shay Sweet, under pressure from Sin City, is now doing guys, which will stress her relationship with Jeff at KBeech.

Trading Halted on Metro

The Nasdaq Stock Market® announced that trading was halted in Metro Global Media, Inc. (Nasdaq: MGMA - news) today [9/14] at 4:50 p.m. Eastern Time for ``additional information requested'' from the company at a last price of 1 3/4. Trading will remain halted until the company has fully satisfied Nasdaq's request for additional information.

In January of 1997, Metro was convicted of dealing with the Mafia.

CRANSTON, R.I. (Dow Jones)--Metro Global Media Inc. (MGMA) expects to restate its financial statements and reduce earnings for fiscal year 1996, 1997 and 1998.

In a press release Tuesday, the company said the move is to record embedded interest related to its convertible preferred stock and debentures, recalculation of amortization on its film library and reclassification of a related party transaction.

Metro Global also expects to report a loss from operations for the fiscal year ended May 31, primarily due to a material decrease in the revenue and operating income of its Fanzine unit in the fourth quarter, compared with last year. The adult video company also cited interest expense related with the valuation of warrants issued for the acquisition of Fanzine. For the year ended May 31, 1998, Metro Global earned $349,681, or 9 cents a share, on revenue of $20.4 million.

Additionally, Metro Global delayed filing its annual report on form 10K, which was due Monday. The company said it experienced delays in starting and completing its annual audit of financial statements because of recent change in accounting firms.

Jeff writes on Yahoo: When a company is forced to restate, it usually is not good news. My guess is they took too agressive stances on film amortization and magazine returns. They also "forgot" to record the implied interest on their convertable equities (see my way earlier post on MGMA's confusing capital structure). Right now, I feel unfortuate to own shares (original shares bought in 1996). I had been "day trading" 10 blocks between $2.50 and $2.60-$2.75 and had made some decent money, but got stuck holding more shares when it recently dropped. The good news is this. 1) MGMA is ripe for a buyout, Playboy bought Spice when I owned it. 2) MGMA's cash flow should be good enough for it to continue business. The bad news is this. 1) Trading halted. 2) Burmuda ownership 3) Ex-CEO/Con still runs company. Like I said, I feel unfortunate to own shares.

Bimbonaut writes: Yes, the management of Metro Global appears to require a major operation in order to pry its head out of its ass! All those positive press releases this Spring, and I - fool that I am - held my shares despite the departure of the accountants. Live and learn... Let's just hope the last price reflects market anticipation of the current situation, and there won't be freefall after trading resumes.

Luke's Masturbating Hypocrites Club

XXX writes: For those of you who would like to feel a part of something greater than yourself, we announce Luke F-rd's MASTURBATING HYPOCRITES CLUB. Memberships start at $19.95 for 1 year, $29.95 for 2 years, $39.95 a year for 5 years, and $99.95 for a full lifetime membership. Charter memberships are also now available for a limited time only for $199.95 to list your organization as a formal sponsor.

You will receive a certificate stating that you are a masturbating hypocrite, signed by none other than that master of self-stimulation himself Luke F-rd. (Please indicate whether you are a compulsive, chronic or only occasional masturbator so Luke can notate the appropriate category(ies) and handwrite a personalized message.) This would make a great gift for fathers and sons.

A limited supply of tee shirts($29.95, specify S, M, L or XL) and bumper stickers($19.95, pack of 2 only)are also available with your choice of messages: Luke F-rd's MASTURBATING HYPOCRITES CLUB or I AM A MASTURBATING HYPOCRITE.

Why masturbate in isolation any longer when you can be part of a much larger worldwide network? YOU'LL NEVER FEEL YOURSELF ALONE AGAIN! From now on, we are all brothers under the manly worldwide umbrella of l-keford.com.

Photographer Johnny Castano

Luke talked Tuesday evening with Las Vegas photographer Johnny Castano, an old timer now in his 60s.

Johnny: I shot John Stagliano about 15-20 times... And he f---ed a lot of girls. I taught him how to do anal. I shot him many times with a dildo in his ass.

And those two cheap pricks, Paul Wisner and Steven Goldenberg at American Art... And they used to make me wait for my checks like you wouldn't believe. Me and Reb kept waiting...They stole everything. They took the f---ing pictures and stole everthing. Paul Wisner is the cheapest f---ing prick in the world.

Do you know who works for them now? That f---ing asshole photographer, I gave him the job. Bill Deal. His Las Vegas studio went broke... I got him the job and it took him two f---ing months to bring me a bottle of Jack Daniels. He was a broke and he didn't have a f---ing dime and he begged me... He told me he shot for Playboy and I believed him. He doesn't know how to shoot anybody. He's the worst photographer in the business.

Steve was ready to let him go after two months. Couldn't handle him anymore. Said the guy was terrible. I finally called him up after a couple of months and said, hey guy, can't you f---ing buy me a quart of booze for getting you that f---ing job? He bought me a Fifth of Jack Daniels.

I was way ahead of these guys today. Back in the 1970s, Jim South used to call me the biggest pervert around. I was shooting anal and fisting... And they used to call me a pervert. I couldn't get girls when I was shooting because Jim used to badmouth me all the time. I'm the one who gave him the name Jim the Pimp.

Reb employed black photographer Nippy Phillips. Reb paid him $300 a shoot and then Reb sold the layouts for $1500.

Whatever happened to Blondie? She was with Tony Montana, who I brought into the business. He used to live with me. I shot him 100 times f---ing girls... I was the second guy to shoot Marc Wallice, one of the best models I ever had. I was shooting hardcore anal three times a week. And they called me a sicko.

I did all the hardcore Gourmet magazines. Is anyone buying hardcore pics?

Luke: The internet.

Johnny: The f---ing internet don't want to pay nothing. I sold two sets to IEG for $350 a set. I'm ashamed of myself. Are they going to buy Metro?

Luke: I don't know.

Johnny: I bought 200 shares for $4... Now they're worth a $1:50 each...

Regan [Senter] calls me up... He reads your site all the time... And he laughs about everything. He doesn't give a f---... The only time he is going to give a f--- is when he's dying in bed someplace... He don't care about nobody, man. He lives in a world of his own.

The funny thing about it is that he's a very intelligent guy. The way he commands his English. Can I ask you a question? What are you f---ing around with porn for? Why don't you do something better? Why don't you get into news or stuff like that? Do you know what I am talking about? Because you are going to get burnt out on this crap. Do you have any plans for the future?

Luke: Yeah... I'm transitioning to other subjects...

Johnny: Yeah, you should because you're a great writer man... Everytime I read you, I say, this guy is wasting his time with this f---ing industry... Just like I've wasted my photography on porno. It's been a big mistake all my life... I was better... I used to shoot beautiful stuff, ballerinas and dancers...and then I got mixed up into this f---ing porno s--- and it ruined my whole life. I could've done a lot better with a camera.

I used to laugh at Ron Vogel... They would never shoot girl-girl or boy-girl... And here I am, back in 1970s, shooting boy-girl and girl-girl and I don't think Vogel shot boy-girl until 1980... Castano was the one and that's how Jim used to call me a motherf---er and a pervert because I was shooting girls taking it up the ass...fist f---ing and all that s---... And they used to call me a pervert, because I knew what was coming. I told everybody two years ago that pissing was going to go come, and look at now... What more can they do unless they're like Nikki Sinn who goes overseas and does scat...

Did I tell you about the time five years ago when Jim South caught the crabs? That was the funniest f---ing thing. He gave it to his wife and he was f---ing yelling and screaming... I'll never forget that day...

Pat Riley

Pat Riley writes on RAME: If Gwenyth Paltrow in "Shakespeare in Love" had sported the accoutrements of one of your Goth girls--say a chin pin and a tattoo of a sprite on her left tit--could I (or you) believe she was the character she was supposed to be playing? I think not. The movie would go down the toilet.

Porno movies are no different in principle. Even the barest of scenarios depends on some suspension of disbelief and each time you chip away at the things that make the suspension possible you reduce the ability of the viewer to put himself into the action. That's "the action" in his fantasy world, not "the action" as it occurs on the porno set.

Take the Peeping Tom series as an example. There's almost no plot to any scene except that the people are screwing in the master bedroom of a mansion by right. They own or at least rent the house. But this can't possibly be true because there's no way these people could afford even the cleaning costs either in real life (unimportant) or because they don't look like they could.

Just based on age there are very few people under oh, maybe 40, who inhabit such places, letting ride the question of tattoos and piercings. Maybe the girl could be the daughter in which case what the hell is she doing with a b/f such as Jack Hammer? Or, maybe Jack Hammer is the son; that's pretty difficult to swallow. They could be the maid and the handyman but that's not the way it's presented.

Now if that's fake what else is fake about the movie and the scene? Her moans and groans? Her expression of ecstasy? That she's doing this because she loves the guy? Or is she being paid, just like a common garden whore?

So when I pull her pixels off the screen and add her into my mansion am I getting a genuine "I love you, Pat" while I'm thrusting into her with my Lincoln log (TM-Voyager) or am I getting a whore going through the motions for money? Yes I could suspend disbelief and ignore the mansion and its incongruity just as I could ignore Paltrow's tattoos (if she had any) but it's harder and why do it in the first place?

BTW in relation to your comment about guys liking Initiations who just want to see the anatomy, it occurred to me that if that's the case why not just have the girl lie there and make no fake groaning? Surely no one thinks she's actually enjoying herself?

AVN Circulation

XXX writes: Hey Luke, Having trouble confirming the distribution numbers for AVN? Seems they are very vague when it comes to defending their 45,000 unit distribution. Can you do a bit of digging and see who prints the mag, and who distributes the mag? I have a feeling they are a little less than honest with the numbers.

Lynne L-patin, Gene Ross, Dave Hardman

Lynne writes: This is what I requested of him [Gene Ross] today after reading his coverage of my latest adventure. Slightly more grammatical for your reading pleasure.

"Please amend your coverage to note that not only have Lynne and Dave been involved in a relationship, Lynne and Dave are involved in an unfinished movie. We started shooting the end of June. If I can wrap it next week in a day and a half, it will represent a Casino Productions' investment of $19,992.00 plus a few more post-production costs.

"Relationships" aside, this is the issue. I am the producer, director and production manager on this movie and had good reason to pursue Mr. Hardman further when he stopped returning my calls.

"If David did this to Jim Powers or Rob Spallone, they would be extremely upset. David would be blamed. But because I have had sex with David (along with about 3,000 other women) I can be f---ed with? He can treat me, as a producer and moviemaker, differently because I am a female?

"Maybe it is because I am a female that I'm not mouthing off about how I'm going to "kill" David. Cops are circling. At least the dog isn't barking. Oliver is supposed to pick up flyers from Indigo Moods and a burger & milkshake for me to help make up for what I have to charge back as a "kill fee." He came in with a wicked story from Jim Powers' set last night about David that made me feel as though David is not coping with this as happily as he thought he could. Let's see if Gene gets it."

Lynne: You might want to clarify that in porn people seem to threaten each other with violence over nothing, and threaten violence very casually. Otherwise the authorities will continue to hold the position that I brought that gun intending to do violence to David rather than protect myself at night. I want to make it perfectly clear that although men in our industry often make horrid threats to one another, I have never threatened Dave Hardman.

My opinion is that Dave Hardman is as iconic to modern porn as John Holmes was in his day. Dave Hardman deservedly won a "Male Performer of the Year" award a couple of years back. After spending a few hours with Dave on a slow set, I was convinced that he was a porn star for the ages; after experiencing David's talents first hand, I was ready to commit resources toward a video project which would showcase his special abilities, as we shall discreetly call them.

Why would it bring me "no solace whatsoever" to know that Dave Hardman is making a movie? He's a valuable commercial property and I want him out there and working as long as that's what he wants to do. I'm making a movie about how David's special place in the porn industry is, not about how he's unemployed (fortune forbid).

You've typo'd my name, Jeannie. Gene sez: "That would end the relationship on a slightly sour note."

What would end the relationship? The professional risk of the loss of a serious investment? Getting tossed in jail? Picking up trash for twenty da ys? Or not returning my phone calls to start with? And "end?" It's not over 'til the fat lady sings...and hits a sour note, I guess. Lynne P.S.: As a veteran of many years' participatory porn, I agree with all possible enthusiasm: I think bukkake is porn for the millenium. I've not seen it edited and on tape, only shot, and it's a real celebration of diversity at the very least.

Jeremy Steele

Eden Rae writes on RAME: I find it very funny that Jeremy Steele called Luke F-rd PURELY to disparage me within DAYS of my posting photos of my self and my new love to my web page. Ironic that he would choose to pull this crap as soon as I made public the fact that I was with someone new. It also coincides with the publication of a great deal of graphic design work that I have done for a number of clients.

All the ad's billboards and banners that have gone up in Hollywood, including but not limited to the work I did for the band Straight Jacket, went up and were printed with Graphics by: Steeling Eden Production (888)***-**** credits. Seems to me that Jeremy saw that I had moved on, expanded my company, was doing well in mainstream, and got jealous. His response was to lash out by slandering me using the only 'journalist' irresponsible enough to print any unsubstantiated allegation that a spurned ex-lover made.

Porner Jeremy Steele phoned Monday.

Jeremy: You give everyone a chance to say their thing... You can be criticized for editing and stuff... Anyone can say anything on RAME... Eden Rae says she has billboards... I don't know what she's talking about... I haven't seen anything.

She has a new boyfriend? How long is that going to last? Anyone who's been with her will know that she's f---ing whacked. She says I'm jealous. I'm relieved that she it out of my life. She's the one who can't let go of me. She still has my name in her illegitimate company, Steeling Eden.

I feel sorry for the f---ing guy unless he's as evil as she is, then they deserve each other.

She says that I'm jealous of all the mainstream that she's done. She never did any mainstream when she was with me... She talked about this and that...

It's my birthday. My dad used to always send me several hundred dollars for my birthday but now I don't get anything because of the money she owes him, and he's holding that against me. There's an enormous bill that I have to pay... I can't whore myself like her for a $1000 a shot. She can and she has done that...

She doesn't address any of the stuff that I've raised... It is too overwhelming... It is all true. If she was smart, she wouldn't even address it but by bringing attention to it, they are going to end up reading what I have to say... You've told me that people have sent emails that they believe me more than her... Because I admit my shortcomings and weaknesses...

It is easily confirmable that she's been working under a false ID... And if you ask her to provide a hard copy, she can't because she doesn't even have the false ID anymore... She can only provide of old photocopies of the ID from old copies of old HIV tests... Her company is illegitimate and not registered...

Allison Kilgore Responds to Mad Jack

Allison writes: luke i know you print what is sent to you as far as gossip, as far as i am concerned that is all it is. i do not like the way mad jack wrote the the things he did. i am an easy going and nice person even when it came to porn, meaning dealing with s--- that i really did not know i would half to deal with. i was not going to respond to his false comments, for they are immature. but i felt the need to defend myself anyhow, as he should about being defended. i have worked for mad jack before, but to be honest the rate he was paying me was not enough for the extra blow job he wanted me to do. he bacame angry when i refused to do a free bj scene. what is the big deal does he think that he is any different from anyone else. it is too bad he is being hateful, i feel bad that he can not figure out from what he has written before about me whether i am a sweetheart or a fire breathing cunt. all i can really say is that i hope he has a nice day, but then again a nice day for him is a day that is not being spent in a federal prison. love allison kilgore.

Mad Jack responds: Allsion: I still think you're a sweetheart, but I also think you're a liar. The money issue NEVER came up until your post on Luke. At the time, you claimed that you had over slept and would show at a re-scheduling. You didn't have a problem accepting the inflated rate I paid you for still photos did you, and I wouldn't have had a problem with a re-negotiation if that was the case. Then I get a call from someone saying that they heard that you were claiming that I still owed you money. That pissed me off. f--- the BJ EVEN THOUGH YOU AGREED TO IT AT THE TIME. I'm always up-front about what I need and what I'll pay, and YOU KNOW THAT. If you remember, we were all set up to shoot it but yet I was nice enough to put it off until the next day because everyone was tired. I learned my lesson, Allison, and next time, I'm shooting straight through, tired or not. You were the last person I expected to have a problem with. My vindictive posting are mainly due to your conversations with our mutual, lap dancing friend, not because I am angry about the BJ. The truth is that you are not a meek, soft-spoken, naive porn girl who let's producers take advantage of you. I can see now that you had no intention of doing the BJ from the start and that puts you in a class that I didn't want to put you in. And yes, I'll have a nice day, and you, Allison, have a nice life.....

Jasmine St. Clair

Lenny Fetish aka Jerome Burkavichi writes the King of Porn Gossip, Gene Ross: just wanted to let everyone know that i was the one who told jasmine that kianna was still married and that she did drugs she kept calling me to get info about earl and kianna, knowing that i was friends with earl, she calls me all the time. i said all those things not to hurt kianna or earl, but to give her a mind f--- so she would quit calling me,about them. none of the things she said about kianna or earl is true and i did not mean to give her any amunition against them, but unfortunately that is what happened. i am very sorry and i hope earl and kianna will accept my apology, earl, kianna is a beautiful girl just like many people have said, hell, metro said she was perfect!at least she did not have to get all that plastic surgery done to her face!kianna a good girl she helps everybody out, and she is a sweetie. i hope gene, that you dont drop opions of people just from hear say, ask anybody about kianna she is nice to everyone.

But i do know that jasmine should leave them alone and stop trying to find something out about her, there is nothing to know except kianna is friends with everyone and im sure we all will back her up, jasmine said she thought kianna was ugly, well thats why jasmine had to f--- everyone to get famous(her gang bang) and kinna was in all the magazines and made it to a classy level. brad from danger boy even said on Luke F-rds page to hide kianna because she was so beautiful,like metro said on your archives gene may 26 she is perfect! i am very sorry once again earl for starting this mess,i hope you two stay happy together god knows you two look awsome together! and jasmine dont call me any more, i want out of your s---. and one other thing i dont think kianna will put up with to much more, you know she used to work for the police helping them with children on drugs just like she helped earl quit drinking!

Acumqueen@aol.com writes: This is Phylliha Anne, Kianna's room mate. First of all let me clear up
the Friday confusion for you. From what I understand Earl called you one day (God only knows why) from our phone, that's when your caller I.D. picked up the number. Of course, from then on our phone did not stop ringing from your hang up calls. That's Jr. High, isn't it? When you called on Friday you talked to me, not Kianna, I informed you they were in vegas getting married. Therefore, Jasmin it would of been pretty hard for you to have had that conversation to Kianna, on that Friday. Sept. 3rd. Are we still confused or do you got it now?

On the other issue of using you for publicity. Have you seen Kianna? This girl needs no help what-so-ever getting publicity from you nor anyone else. This is one beautiful girl. Don't believe me? Just take a look at her -- she is an angel in everyones eyes.

Without having to f--- 300 guys!

If she has left messages for you, I'm sure it's only because your driving her nuts! How much bulls--- is she suppose to take from you? It's enough to make anyone give up! But only for a second, for they are married, and you "come hell or high water" are not. For that is one of the statements you left
-- "I'm getting married to Damen? on Sunday 'Come hell or high water!" Well? Once again who's full of it?

Jasmin what gives yout the right to announce why Kianna and Earl were married? (Under the condition she got sober, who said shes not already?) Now is this hear say? You make this one up as well? Or were you actually there, under the stars, snuggled in with them, when they decided to spend the rest of thier lives together? Please Jasmin, inform me, which one was it? I'm dying to hear this one. It just bugs the f--- out of you doesn't it? Bugs you so bad, you can't even get on with your life as they are trying to do theirs. I assure you Jasmin, they didn't get married just to spite you either. Maybe they ran off to vegas so fast and quick because the chemistry between them couldn't and still can not, be controlled. Can't even imagine that can you? So how could that really be the reason? Love is Fun.

I'm getting involved now Jasmin, because Earl and Kianna are good people. They DON'T need your childish bulls---! And as far Kianna being married already -- I seriously doubt she would be issued a marriage license if she already has an exsisting one. She has been my room-mate for around 6 mo.,
the other-husband issue was resolved a while ago. Jasmin try and keep up, if your going to even bother.

One more thing Jasmin. I now have caller I.D. as well (oh boy) keep calling and hanging up at our house and I WILL slap you with a law suit of harassment. This will be the ONLY time I ask!

But if you insist on continuing this Internet slander, please go ahead, it's kind-of amusing. We are all waiting to hear what's next! Hey! Let's start with things 'heard about sweet, innocent Jasmin St. Claire:

1. Addmission of Guilt letter to Slate (soon to be published) hehe

2. Her pay-offs to Earl to get back with him ($1,000 ea. Time)

3. Her sanity? (Does anyone else hear that kookoo clock )

4. Does she really take medication for killing STD's daily ? Doesn't your system eventually get use to that? I mean how long are those pills going to work anyway?

5. Old Rock Stars / Groupie -- wanna be

6. We can go on, but we should let others share as well. Our gossip column has began, please share with us your experiences with Jasmin St. Claire! hehe

With Lots of Love,
Phyllisha Anne

P.S. If you think Jasmin, you can offend us or intimidate us, you are wrong. There is nothing coming FROM YOU that can hurt us. Considering, seriously where the source is coming from. Oh! Wanna wrestle? I KNOW Kianna wants too -- GO KIANNA!!! Hey Jasmin, pick a partner, considering you can find one, and we'll have a Tag-Team match. I can't let Kianna have all the fun by herself now can I?

Go Ask Allan

Luke F-rd Wire Services Ltd.:

Would you consider a career in porn?

“....besmirchment is the main thing,” revealed Hustler’s editorial honcho Allan MacDonell in an intimate memoir aptly entitled “Satori & Pornography: Canonization Through Degredation.”

“..A girl needs no special education to break into boff movies,” elaborated MacDonell, writing under the name “Christian Shapiro” in the 1987 Feral House collection “Apocalypse Culture". “In fact, some degree of blinding ignorance is practically a requirement. Good family background is less important to an aspiring harlot starlet than are abusive primary relationships, a disrupted home dynamic and a history of sexual coercion prior to sensual maturity. Perhaps some women have entered the scum arena with a semblance of self-esteem, but most step into the slime pit in one more desparate attempt at validation as a worthwhile human being... If she’s truly bad, she will garner a Best Actress Award from the Adult Film Association or the X-Rated Critics Organization. All she needs are two valid photo-ID’s, and a willingness to be soiled....

“...The porno talent pool is fed with a steady stream of fresh, belly-flopping, open-mouth, salmon-lipped naiads battling against a current of thrust and cum...

“....Pornography has no more sexual appeal than a Price Waterhouse annual report. It’s no longer about eroticism; it’s about humiliation...We have reached a better future through sound bites of trancendent humiliation.”

Girls! Why wait? Allan MacDonell and his associates at LFP are standing by to facilitate your personal apocalypse.

Sam writes on RAME: Are there so many women that want to work in the porn industry that they often get rejected by producers/directors? Or do they take anyone willing to f--- and suck regardless of appearance and personality?

Rodger Jacobs responds: Sometimes a certain "type" fails to be in vogue for a period of time. I recall a time five or six years ago when I was writing scripts for Coastline Films (who sold their movies to the Spice Network) they issued a moratorium for a while on actresses with tattoos, implants, and/or multiple piercings. As for your question, you would be better off asking one of the talent/booking agents about that. But it's been my experience that if one is over the age of 18 with legal proof, as well as a current HIV test, you're in --- don't matter if you're skinny, fat, ugly, or old, someone will use you in a movie.

D.O.G. - Devious Old Gillis

Pat Riley writes on RAME: This movie is only for the advanced, really-jaded pervert so if you're a young innocent or your idea of good porn is yet another fake-boobed slut getting it from six guys at once with lots of copious facials, you might be well advised to look elsewhere.

Ckong might be interested because there's a scene with a REALLY small-dicked PL but he looks Hispanic, not Oriental (hey, you can't have everything). While watching this it occurred to me that there's another Oriental male in the porno business: Lilienne Li. She...er, he does have a dick but it might be bigger than 4 inches.

The other person who might be interested is David Aaron Clark who should especially note the use of attractive (Sami Moon is butt ugly and belongs in a Rodney Moore tape only) non-Oriental (Oriental females should be ultra-submissive) girls.

Gillis by his presence poses an interesting conundrum. We moan, and I do my share too, about the old guys in the business and how the guy shouldn't be more than a few years older than the girl, blah, blah...but just what sort of male could you get to play this sort of role? It's quite clear, to me at least, that a young guy would be laughable. The only possibility would be a young Gillis, and frankly, having re-watched the 1976 movie Waterpower a couple of weeks ago, I don't see Gillis as being too different either in appearance--he was never the handsome stud--or in demeanor. Since the industry claims extreme difficulty in finding vapid masturbators, how much harder would it be to obtain a pervert of Gillis's stature?

So why isn't Gillis out there replacing Rocco with his swirlies and Max with his "cocksockets". Perhaps because the degradation here is mental and the Max and Rocco fans are simply too visual--maybe BritPOP is right about the corrosive effects of MTV etc. Or maybe it's because Gillis cuts to the bone with his portrayal of the PL's in the video store. Hopefully you don't see them as yourself. Apart from one or two movies with drop dead gorgeous (at the time) young girls, this is the only MUST SEE I've given this year. It's on a par with the aforementioned Waterpower.

D.O.G.: Devious Old Gillis MUST SEE Alternate Name: DEVIANT OLD GILLIS 1999--Elegant Angel Video Producer/Director: Jamie Gillis Featuring: Pebbles, Lola (1998), Gayle/Freckles, Carlee Stevens, Allison Kilgore, Torri Tease, Mariah Kane, Jack, Brad, Chavez, Manuel, Jamie Gillis

Quite unusual and very hard to classify. To appreciate it you have to understand that in Gillis's world view females are perfidious contemptible whores who serve only to excite the beast of sexual desire that we (males) are cursed with and from which we can only obtain transient physical relief. The beast is only mollified temporarily because it exists in our mind and cannot be excised. We can occasionally achieve revenge by treating females as the disgusting sex objects they are but most of the time it's they who manipulate our desires and force us to show our vulnerability and to spill our valuable seed.

So on the one hand you have Gillis demonstrating his power and contempt for the female--in the toilet scene, for example--and then the other Gillis as the filthy masturbating wimp, controlled and dominated by the female. Strangely it's the latter type scenes that are the more erotic, especially the closer with Mariah. The combination of food and sex is normally a going-though-the-motions purposeless effort but here the food is a metaphor for excrement and the point is not so much a fascination with excreta but to demonstrate the extent to which the male has sunk and the filthiness of the female.

The movie is padded out by scenes reminiscent of Gillis's old {On The Prowl} series but even these show a similar sense of degradation: the pathetic losers who are so desperate for sex that they're willing to debase themselves on camera for a chance at some female contact, and females who are willing to allow perfect strangers to masturbate on or screw them.

The sex scenes in the movie are not the important part and if you can't live without the ten minutes of in-out per scene, the interminable pistoning close-ups, and the endless fascination with ejaculate then this movie is not for you. The cum here is a sign of failure--that she's won again--rather than something to be celebrated. But if you like a more perverted approach, the tape is certainly looking for.

In contrast to his earlier series, Gillis was smart to put in a few cute girls who heighten the sense of domination by being worth agonizing over; an ugly broad instead of Lola, for example, would have changed the feeling in her scene to one of "Who cares?" Pebbles is a marginal but not-fat black girl with medium tits; she can be seen in {Sugar Walls #12}. Lola is the tiny titted quite pretty Cuban girl. The guy with Lola is credited as Jack but appears in other movies under a different name. Gayle is called Crystal in the movie and is a gorgeous Canadian cutie who can be seen in {Freshman Fantasies #19}. Carlee (credits: just Carlee) can be seen in {Cumback Pussy #18}; she's a hefty blonde with a pretty face. Allison you should know. Torri is also a fat blonde with lots of tattoos and can be seen in {Dirty Dirty Debutantes #19}. And, Mariah (credits: just Mariah) should be familiar. Condoms are used in Lola and Torri. There are only two facials (Pebbles and Torri).

The opener is probably the least powerful and has Pebbles on her back with her head resting in the open toilet bowl. Gillis has her lick his asshole and crawl around saying, "I'm a good toilet." She changes clothes and sucks his dick while he's sitting on the john and eventually he jerks off on her face.

Gillis returns home to find his wife (?) Lola being fondled by Jack, a black guy. She tells Gillis, "You can't cut it anymore," and then while Gillis meekly videos the action, the black guy screws her ending without a visible cum shot. The inference is that Lola prefers the black guy's sperm to that of Gillis--he's a failure as a male.

Back in the bathroom, Gillis has Gayle sitting on the bathtub with hamburger and french fries on a plate on the nearby open toilet. She eats from the plate without using her hands and then at Gillis's instruction strips to her bra and panties. He stuffs the food into her underwear and crushes the hamburger into her pussy and asshole, makes her pee in her panties (they blank the screen--wimps!), and then joins her in the tub to rub the panties on his face, eat the residue from the tub (which looks like s--- now), and has her smear some of it over his face. He jerks himself off into his hand. Unfortunately Gayle smiles a lot which somewhat limits the feeling.

Gillis takes Carlee to an adult bookstore where he offers her to all and sundry. Brad, a ugly wimpy guy, jerks off on her butt and then Chavez (called Jose in the movie), a Hispanic guy with a very small dick, gets some oral and he too jerks off on her butt. With a dick this small he should probably just have the operation and get a vagina (heh, heh).

Back in a hotel room, Allison pees in the toilet through her panties (the blank screen again) and Gillis puts his head in the bowl and licks it up like a dog. She licks his asshole and then with a lit cigarette singes his pubic hair leading to some more asshole licking and then some actual in-out with Gillis cumming on her belly.

Torri, who sounds really dumb, sucks Gillis's dick and he gives her a facial before heading out to the bookstore we've seen before. There Gillis persuades Manuel, another loser, to screw the "dirty filthy f---ing whore" which he does on a mattress in the back. There's only anal sex in this scene and the guy cums on her large tits.

In the last scene Gillis breaks into a hotel room where Mariah is sleeping. He fondles her butt but then she wakes and under the pretense of calling a girlfriend, calls the front desk and asks them to send for the police. Gillis who is masturbating and whining apologies all the time thinks this is dishonest but does nothing except masturbate. She tells him that he's going to jail for a long time but she'll give him something to think about. She strips and masturbates keeping up the patter about what a contemptible piece of barely-human trash he is and eventually throws a paper on the floor so he won't soil the carpet. He ejaculates just as the police arrive. Date of production: 7/28/99.

Fertile Saul?

The Uncle of one of Luke's dates, Nobel laureate Saul Bellow, 84 years of age and America’s most distinguished novelist, has knocked up his fortysomething---and fifth---wife, Janice Freedman. According to publishing-industry insiders, Bellow’s latest offspring--his fourth--will be represented by the prestigious Wylie [literary] Agency. More as this story develops.

NJG: even if you sleep with half the world and porn stars and shul chix, you will NEVER SLEEP with me, you are so untrustworthy. You crack me up. NJG: howz the romance with kelley? you talk to her today? Luzdedos1: 4x NJG: lol, you in love luke? Luzdedos1: maybe NJG: lol NJG: for now.....lol I KNOW YOU, don't forget NJG: well maybe it will work out, you never know, even if you are the biggest puss hound I have ever known in my life NJG: make that ENTIRE LIFE