Monday, September 13th, 1999
DoneDone writes: Luke- Just got off the phone with Jim Powers, maker of the American Bukkake series. He confirmed that the Bukkake [where a group of men jerk off on a woman's face] phenomenom is indeed a gay conspiracy. Powers says that he sits on the high council of Gay Conspirators who are slowly turning mainstream porn into gay porn.
But seriously, you say a porn chick makes only $1500 for a Bukkake scene? Is there anything a porn chick wont do for money? If you say $1500 buys a Bukkake, I can see that Nici Sterling would do a dog for a little more. Is there any porn chick who reads your site that would comment on what they will and wont do for money? How do porn chicks feel when they are approached about a Bukkake scene? Any girl want to explain how the pay scale works per kind of scene? Anal=how much, gang bang=how much etc... Thanks man.
Luke: BJs tend to get around $250, straight boy-girl sex $500, anal about $700, DP - $900, gangbangs $1000-$4000. Sources tell me Bukkake girls get $500.
This is Penile Tap
Luke F-rd Wire Services, Ltd:
Regarding the notorious Go-Go’s video -- Michael Musto, writing in the Village Voice, dated July 3, 1990, offers the following analysis and transcript: "This piece of cinema art, shot at a party in the early ‘80s, has then-porcine Go-Go Belinda Carlisle and ratty Kathy Valentine trying to coerce a female friend to jerk off David, a roadie who conveniently has his pants down...
...Belinda (to the camera): If you can’t get sex, then the perfect thing to do is jack off...Why can’t girls jack off instead of humiliating themselves? (...she urges female friend to touch David.)”
Kathy: You should help him. I know he likes you.
Girl: I don’t want to, though.
Belinda: This is going to be real interesting to show one day, huh?...Three or four years ago I used to sleep around a lot. I didn’t have any discretion about who I messed around with. It was fine at the time, but aferwards I couldn’t help but feel so depressed and humiliated. (More prodding for girl to touch David’s flaccid thing.)
Girl: It’s like I don’t wanna eat tuna salad right now.
Kathy: I have an idea. David has to beat off and you have to watch really intently.
David. No. She has to give me head to get it hard.
Kathy: She won’t do that. She won’t even touch you.
David: Come on. No one will see this s---.
Belinda: (to girl as girl’s face is in full view): No one’s going to see your face. All you gotta do is put your hand down there.
Kathy: We don’t care about whether he gets it up. We want to see the acting...the emotion of getting into it...”
These are moments you'll want to relive again and again.
Gossip
I hear that Mark Davis and Kobe Tai have divorced.
I hear a girl named "Cleopatra" is planning a 1000-man gangbang... Is this "Cleopatra" also named Candy Apples?
Swedish Sin City contract girl Linda Thoren flies into Los Angeles September 23rd. Her birthday is the 24th.
Mad Jack writes: Luke: Here's some shots of Alison living a lie. Her boyfriend was under the inpression that she was no longer doing hardcore and I was going to comply with her wishes of keeping him in the dark, until she stiffed me (no pun intended) on a blow job scene. I really thought she was pretty down to earth until she pulled a no-show on our third day. I received a voice-mail 7 hours after the scheduled scene informing me that she had overslept. Like I give a f---. After editing the footage I DID get, I'm glad I replaced her for the BJ as she's about as dead as they come. Her insiped moaning sounds more like an irate Jewish girl who found out that her newfound husband actually wants to f--- her on her wedding night instead of the porn girl she's supposed to be.
Luke: The pics of Alison Kilgore were taken WELL BEFORE her August 24th court for battery on her boyfriend. That's why she was so upset about the NICE article I wrote on or about the 15th of August(even though she gave me the okay at the time). I haven't heard from her since her no-show so I figure she's down your way f---ing Regan for a place to crash!
Leading celebrities suspected or confirmed as gay by such gossip sites as the He-She Gay Page include: Ben Affleck, Andre Aggassi, Troy Aikman, Kevin Bacon, Mathew Broderick, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Dillon, Jodie Foster, Michael J. Fox, Woody Harrelson, Ricky Martin, George Michael, Demi Moore, Paul Newman, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dennis Quaid, Burt Reynolds, Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Winona Ryder, Brooke Shields, Kevin Spacey, Bruce Willis.
Playgirl After Dark
Luke F-rd Wire Services, Ltd.:
Is world famous African-American fashion model Tyson Beckford diversifying into beefcake porn? Not according to his lawyer, who blasted Playgirl for featuring Beckford as its September cover-guy.
Caroline H. Landau, Esq., general counsel and vice-president of the porno conglomerate that publishes Playgirl, told this week’s New York Magazine, "I'm not worried about it at all, because we bought the right to use the photo."
Countered celebrity lawyer Ed Hayes: "Under the New York statute, you have to have a written authorization...I fully expect to sue these people." But his client may have to get in line.
Last year Playgirl--produced by a company that simultaneously runs numerous straight and gay porno enterprises--was sued after running nude pics of celebrities even more mega than Ralph Lauren style icon Tyson Beckford: Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio.
This cycle of exploitation followed by litigation leads directly to the posh doorstep of secretive smut czar Carl Ruderman, whose Universal Media at 801 Second Avenue also produces the popular skinzine High Society. Ruderman, known throughout porndom as “the father of phone sex,” would probably prefer to be known for his lesser titles such as Travel Agent Magazine and Travel Agent International.
Ruderman was also business partner with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous auteur Robin Leach in the swank eatery Carola--named, according to the New York Post, dated April 18, 1996, “for the one-named Teutonic typhoon who maitre’d’d at Au Bar and revived Elaine’s." High Society, indeed.
Howard Stern
XXX writes: On today's live 9/13 taping of the Jerry Springer show, it finally happened. Addressing a male guest onstage, Jerry stated "What, and I guess Howard Stern isn't a drag queen either! How could anyone NOT realize he was a drag queen?" referring to the fact this guy was insisting he was straight while dating another guest in fullblown drag. Coming from Springer, we believe this observation has near-clinical merit. After all, this former journalist and mayor of Cincinnati has a well-earned reputation for being able to spot a transvestite a whole city block away, on a dark night, and on the first pass! Way to go Jerry, and we'll be loyal fans from this day forward!
Our team assembled the following brief, but lucid, presentation and analysis of evidence that Howard Stern is in fact a closet transvestite. Actually, we staff psychologists here at l-keford.com believe Howard Stern's transvestism is patently obvious, and a no-brainer, so how do we account for the fact that he has so many hardcore heterosexual male fans?
Dr Rudy offers this explanation: Most of us grew up in dysfunctional families. Of course, the source of dysfunction is keeping secrets, like "Daddy is an alcoholic" or whatever. The tacit rule is that we are forbidden to talk about these. So as adults, we also continue to fall into line and keep quiet about "dirty little secrets." And Howard Stern's closet transvestitism is simply one of America's dirty little secrets.
Briefly, here is the evidence that makes us find that Howard Stern is a transvestite:
1) He dressed in full-blown drag for both of his books. In fact, the covers and running theme of Miss America are all openly transvestite in nature. Take a final look at page 397 of Private Parts, and ask yourself, Is this guy a drag queen or what?
2) And when this guy dresses in drag, he goes to the extraordinary and unusual measures of shaving and removing his body hairs, and wearing women's underwear. He does a complete transvestite makeover and transformation down to the smallest detail. Big clue, guys: HE SHAVES HIS BODY HAIR.
3) His makeup man and fashion dresser is openly GAY. How many of you straight guys would go for a gay man doing your hair, making you up and dressing you every single day? Howard does, because it fits his lifestyle as a transvestite. He likes to look and dress effeminately. Take a closer look at the face, guys! 4) He wore panties as a little boy. See pages 25 & 26 of Private Parts for the complete scoop.
5) He has a problem accepting men's facial features. They just don't seem right somehow. His manager has worn face masks to conceal his unsightly masculine features from Howard. In fact, he has always singled out men's facial features for criticism. Why? Because somehow it just doesn't "feel" right inside. Why not? Because he has internalized a more feminine self-image of what he should look like. He thinks men should look more effeminate, like his own ideal for himself.
6) Take another look at his shows featuring transvestite beauty contestants. At the end, Howard always insists they expose their genitalia completely, and then he openly admires their small genitalia. Their genitals are small like his, and he enjoys viewing them. All this feels right to him because he is also a transvestite. Observe how his voice and manner markedly change and become emotional as he comments on their genitalia. How many of you straight guys would EVER behave like this? Still think it's all an act?
7) On page 426 of Private Parts, a female guests insists on seeing Howard's penis, and stupidly--or perhaps because of an unconscious desire to tell on himself--- he finally gives in, something he had never done before on the air. This is her remark on looking into his shorts: OK, I CAN SEE IT! HE'S HIDING IT BETWEEN HIS LEGS! This is the "SMOKING GUN" that exposes once and for all the fact that HOWARD STERN ACTUALLY KEEPS HIS PENIS TUCKED BETWEEN HIS LEGS, JUST LIKE YOU'D EXPECT, SINCE HE'S REALLIFE CLOSET TRANSVESTITE, GUYS! Why deny the obvious, we're all adults here, right? What are you defending, or hiding from? Howard Stern obviously isn't homophobic, why should YOU be?
Conclusion: Let's leave Howard Stern behind in the 20th century where he belongs! He has conned and made fools of all America, so let's bring him down and get him off the air for good. Let all heterosexual American makes make the following pledge: WE WILL NO LONGER BE WILLFUL IDIOTS FOR HOWARD STERN. Let's put this joker where he permanently belongs, in the PEEWEE HALL OF SHAME.
Dan Wagner writes: Just read your fascinating piece on Howard Stern's motivations -- wild. I think you'd enjoy by book: Getting To Howard: The Odyssey of an Obsessed Howard Stern Fan by Dan Wagner. Please check out my web site: http://www.gettingtohoward.com.
Alan Miles, publisher of www.sin-city.net, writes: Are you, as asked of my on my website, reporting that the FBI is on Howard Stern's ass? Give me a break. Howard is a showman and says whatever he can to turn on his audience. And just who in the hell is going to believe the FBI at this point? The lying cocksuckers. Speaking of lying cocksuckers, Dr. Laura Schlessinger is the creme of the crop. Why doesn't this liar just shut the f--- up? She lied about her past and gives lousy advice to her radio listeners. Geesh......Luke --- Report something interesting so some of your more intellectual "viewers" can respond in kind. Thanks and .... why are you working on the high Jewish holiday? Bad boy.
Puppetmaster Luke
XXX writes: Starting today, l-keford.com announces a new identity as a TABLOID ASSASSINATION VEHICLE. Our first celebrity target of course is Howard Stern. In fact, Howard Stern became famous by targeting celebrities, so THANKS FOR THE GREAT IDEA, ASSHOLE.
First, we destroy Stern utterly, then we go after the small fry of the porn industry. After convincingly demonstrating our great destructive power, we will next turn our well-honed assassination vehicle on the dumb and dumber people of porn. YOU HAVEN'T GOT A PRAYER, ASSHOLES! We'll have the young, trashy bisexual beauties of porn thinking about us 24-7 while they spend sleepness nights tossing & turning to the thought of what our nasty, devious, twisted minds have in store for them next!
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, Luke F-rd ANNOUNCES THAT HE IS PUPPETMASTER AND YOU STUPID PEOPLE OF PORN ARE HIS PUPPETS!
Eden Rae writes on RAME: I find it very funny that Jeremy Steele called Luke F-rd PURELY to disparage me within DAYS of my posting photos of my self and my new love to my web page. Ironic that he would choose to pull this crap as soon as I made public the fact that I was with someone new. It also coincides with the publication of a great deal of graphic design work that I have done for a number of clients.
All the ad's billboards and banners that have gone up in Hollywood, including but not limited to the work I did for the band Straight Jacket, went up and were printed with Graphics by: Steeling Eden Production (888)***-**** credits. Seems to me that Jeremy saw that I had moved on, expanded my company, was doing well in mainstream, and got jealous. His response was to lash out by slandering me using the only 'journalist' irresponsible enough to print any unsubstantiated allegation that a spurned ex-lover made.
Luke Gets Mail
Val writes: I was reading your essay of Sept 10 about cable carnality and you mentioned Honeysuckle Divine as a performer on Goldstein's cable show, and that she disappeared. Actually she became punk rocker Wendy O.Williams of the Plasmatics. Unfortunately she just committed suicide about a year ago in a small rural Connecticut town where she had been running an animal shelter! There was a website devoted to Wendy but I don't think it mentioned her Honeysuckle days, you would have to find old copies of Screw magazine to find this out, or if you ask Goldstein perhaps he will confirm it.
xxx responds: Honeysuckle Divine [definitely not Wendy O] --known for blowing out candles onstage with mighty puffs of vaginal wind--was a popular attraction during the golden age of interactive vaginal vaudeville that graced now-vanished burlesque stages in Times Square and San Francisco’s North Beach. Honeysuckle, a borderline retardate of unrecognizeable ethnic origin, somehow managed to pen---with her labia?---a long-running sex-advice column in a skinzine of the era. The best journalistic depiction of Honeysuckle Divine’s stage routine appeared not in Screw but in The San Francisco Chronicle, by the late reportorial maverick John Wasserman...who recalled how, when Honeysuckle’s vagina let fly a billowing cloud of talcum powder, some wag in the audience exhulted, “We have a pope!” [This and other bodacious belle lettres can be found in the posthumous 1993 collection “Praise, Villification & Sexual Innuendo, or How to Be a Critic: The Selected Writings of John Wasserman”]
Photographer Johnny Castano writes about "Regan [Senter] Rat Bastard": WHEN YOU GO IN HIS PAD YOU WANT TO PUKE. DID YOU HEAR 5 YEARS AGO JIM SOUTH GOT THE CRABS IN HIS BATH ROOM GAVE THEM TO HIS WIFE THAT WAS FUNNY WHERE IS TOMMY SINOPPOLI LUKE . BIG 3 PAGES IN PAPER TODAY ABOUT SEX IN LV PISTOL PICTURE WAS IN IT IM TRYINGTO GET THIS PC DOWN ONE MONTH OLD JOHNN CASTANO REB AND SCUM BAG SHOULD DO A SHOOT TOGETHER
Kelley writes: I just wanted to drop you a quick email and tell you how much of a fan I have become in the few short days since learning of you and reading your work.
I'm a 26 year old woman, successful, considered attractive, emotionally stable and socially aware.
I've never written anyone a fan letter (so forgive the form), but felt compelled to send this to you. I came across your website by accident. I am doing a bit of research for an article I am writing on Internet sexual activities. A tangential link led me there, and I abandoned my research to read every single thing on your site. I then did an archival search on your usenet postings, to find out more.
Your personality (though perceived only through text on the screen) fascinates me. I found myself far more interested in you and how you think than the subjects about which you write. I admit to having a prurient interest in the pornography industry (which would explain the article I am researching), but I spent much more time with your autobiography than reading through the porn info on your site. (and ok, I'll admit, I also enjoyed the pictures of you).
I don't know enough about the key players in the porn industry to understand quite everything that you write about. However, your commentary and conflict regarding the morality and social implications are really some of the most insightful I've come across on the subject. I am anxious to hear more, and plan on ordering your book today. So, forgive the random nature of this email - I wasn't sure you would appreciate the unsolicited admiration.
Luke: You kidding? I love unsolicited admiration.
Heff writes: Hey Luke, The pleasant letter from this young lady - Kelley - makes me write to you for the first time (actually I thought you only read insulting e-mails ;) ).
I've been following your "adventures" for one month, maybe, and immediately felt excited about Luke F-rd - the character. Cos' you are a thrilling character.
I am a 21 years old student, I'm french and I live in the French Riviera (close to Cannes-Mandelieu were each year a award ceremony called Hot d'Or allows me to meet all the people you speak about in your chronicles - and especially the Wicked crew, Marc Dorcel's favorites as you seem to say).
I've ordered your History of X through amazon (haven't received it yet), and I suppose that only a "happy few" will possess it in France. It gonna be a collector, I bet it, Luke.
I just wanted to tell you that despite of the threats, the insults, the hatred you collect in the Industry (a Industry so far from me that it represents a kind of Dark Planet), A LOT of people, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, read your chronicles and wish for your success. A complete success. Or if this success never comes, I wish you a terrific chaos. You deserve an intense destiny (I don't like the way you play with your gun, suicide is forbidden by religion, never forget it).
I study cinema. I like great filmmakers: Cassavetes, Godard, Truffaut, Bergman , etc... I'm engaged with a girl. I do sports. I'm "normal". I'm "sane". And I love what you do. And A LOT of friends of mine follow your work. You're crazy, Luke. YOU ARE CRAZY. You're a liar, a bad boy, a sinner, a wanker, a fool, an idiot, with suicidal tendencies, masochist, curious, chaotic. I don't know if you're a monster or an angel, but one thing is certain: you're a hero. The hero of the greatest movie of the end of this century, composed of sex, lies, videotapes, sins, faith, hope, loneliness, AIDS, love and pride. I would title this movie "The rise and fall and rise of Luke F-rd". Keep being yourself, stay alive, learn, learn to be better with people. Long live Luke F-rd.
Later, Heff writes: I feel very honored by your answer. I'll stamp it on my wall, near Jenna's dedicated poster (yes , I know , mainstream , but the rolling stones are mainstream too, aren't they ?) and A Jean-Luc Godard's movie poster. Hum...maybe you would not be pleased to be in the middle of something. I'll stamp it on my ceiling, so. I'm a guy. And I'm christian. Last year in Paris I used to work with a lot of jewish people, and I appreciated their way of thinking as you can appreciate my religion. We're good neighbours. The way you speak about christianism is revealant about your openmindedness and your intelligence.
Andrew Dworkin writes about pornography, men possessing women: Men of the Right and men of the Left have an undying allegiance to prostitution as such, regardless of their theoretical relationship to marriage. The Left sees the prostitute as the free, public woman of sex, exciting because she flaunts it, because of her brazen availability. The Right sees in the prostitute the power of the bad woman of sex, the male's use of her being his dirty little secret. The old pornography industry was a right-wing industry: secret money, secret sin, secret sex, secret promiscuity, secret buying and selling of women, secret profit, secret pleasure not only from sex but also from the buying and selling.
The new pornography industry is a left-wing industry: promoted especially by the boys of the sixties as simple pleasure, lusty fun, public sex, the whore brought out of the bourgeois (sic) home into the streets for the democratic consumption of all men; her freedom, her free sexuality, is as his whore--and she likes it. It is her political will as well as her sexual will; it is liberation. The dirty little secret of the left-wing pornography industry is not sex but commerce. The new pornography industry is held, by leftist males, to be inherently radical. Sex is claimed by the Left as a leftist phenomenon; the trade in women is most of sex. The politics of liberation are claimed as indigenous to the Left by the Left; central to the politics of liberation is the mass-marketing of material that depicts women being used as whores. The pimps of pornography are hailed by leftists as saviors and savants. Larry Flynt has been proclaimed a savior of the counterculture, a working-class hero, and even, in a full-page advertisement in The New York Times signed by distinguished leftist literati, an "American Dissident" persecuted as Soviet dissidents are. Hugh Hefner is viewed as a pioneer of sexual freedom who showed, in the words of columnist Max Lerner, "how the legislating of sexuality could be fought, how the absurd anti-play and anti-pleasure ethic could be turned into a stylish hedonism and a lifeway which includes play and playfulness along with work." Lerner also credits Hefner with being a precursor of the women's movement.
On the Left, the sexually liberated woman is the woman of pornography. Free male sexuality wants, has a right to, produces, and consumes pornography because pornography is pleasure. Leftist sensibility promotes and protects pornography because pornography is freedom. The pornography glut is bread and roses for the masses. Freedom is the mass-marketing of woman as whore. Free sexuality for the woman is in being massively consumed, denied an individual nature, denied any sexual sensibility other than that which serves the male. Capitalism is not wicked or cruel when the commodity is the whore; profit is not wicked or cruel when the alienated worker is a female piece of meat; corporate bloodsucking is not wicked or cruel when the corporations in question, organized crime syndicates, sell cunt; racism is not wicked or cruel when the black cunt or yellow cunt or red cunt or Hispanic cunt or Jewish cunt has her legs splayed for any man's pleasure; poverty is not wicked or cruel when it is the poverty of dispossessed women who have only themselves to sell; violence by the powerful against the powerless is not wicked or cruel when it is called sex; slavery is not wicked or cruel when it is sexual slavery; torture is not wicked or cruel when the tormented are women, whores, cunts. The new pornography is left-wing; and the new pornography is a vast graveyard where the Left has gone to die. The Left cannot have its whores and its politics too.