Sunday, August 29th, 1999

Mila Madness

Brad from Danger Boy writes: FLAGSTAFF AZ: Saturday night was the scheduled Grand Opening of IMAGE, a new adult superstore(520-226-8335), located in the college town of Flagstaff Arizonza. Mila and her new exclusive Katya were there signing autographs and promoting Queen of Nasty, her new line. The local alternative radio show, Rowdy & Sage on KZGL, were there doing a LIVE remote.The details are a bit foggy but after speaking with Brandon from IMAGE and George from Dangerboy, it seems that Mila mentioned something about free blow jobs to everyone who comes in and soon there were several police and sherriff vehicles at IMAGE. Police will try to charge Mila with solicitation for the radio bit as well as for some poloroid photo of her grabbing at the crotch of a gentleman that paid $5.00 to the local Aids charity in Flagstaff.

Were told that KZGL now has problems with the FCC. Katya, however, was not charged, although she was the instigator of the lotion squirting. Several police officers continued to roll through the parking lot at IMAGE to see what they had missed. Mila did her best to SMOOTH things out. After explaining her side of the story AND a brief demonstration of her showmanship, no charges were filed. That crazy bitch!

Destroying Porn

DD writes: Luke F-rd strategy session: I agree with you that we can destroy the PROFITABILITY of the sex industry, if not the industry itself, by using the most powerful of all tools in our arsenal, OUR INTELLIGENCE.

The people of the sex trade are universally dumb, so it should be quite possible to take them down and keep them down, even if down and out really means keeping their profitability MARGINAL.

The smartest people in the sex industry are obviously the lawyers, who are smaller than gnats compared to what the US govt can do to them, and who only have an indirect relationship to profits anyhow.

I believe the greatest impact can ultimately be had by educating and alerting the HETEROSEXUAL MALE SEX CONSUMER to the inside CONS AND DECEPTIONS OF THE SEX INDUSTRY.

The most longterm and damaging effects on profitability can be had BY PRODUCING A SHIFT IN THE WAY HETEROSEXUAL MEN, THE TARGETS OF THE SEX INDUSTRY, ultimately perceive the value of the sex products offered.

Imagine, for example, that the AVERAGE MALE CONSUMER PUTS $200,000 LIFETIME INTO THE SEX INDUSTRY, and that this is on a personal curve consisting of lots of ups and downs with gradually increasing consumption.

If we can even SHORTEN this learning curve by a few years, we can significantly impact profitability.

Of course, the main thing the male consumer needs to learn to realize is that he is really only getting a marginal return at best, and that far more rewarding choices are actually available to him.

The best way to produce this change in perception is by exposing the underlying cons of the sex trade so he sees what he's really getting for his time and money.

The reason the sex industry is so successful in creating sexual addictions in their male consumers is that, in sex (for most of us at least), sexual pleasure comes first, and thus PRECEDES any painful awarenesses of its longterm damaging social consequences, which the sex addicted individual only feels afterwards.

Obviously, if instead, pain preceded the addict's sexual pleasure, they would reject the addictive behaviors and make better, healthier and more fulfilling choices.

Because for normal individuals, that is, persons who do not violate sexual boundaries, sexual interaction with strangers is already INTERNALLY AVERSIVE due to pre-awareness of its destructive social consequences for the individual.

In other words, they CHOOSE not to do it because they realize it would ultimately wreck their lives.

In fact, it's so obviously self-destructive to them that they normally don't even give any serious consideration to it at all, and so they really wouldn't even consider it a conscious choice, so much as just plain commensense NOT TO ENGAGE IN THESE DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS.

Addicts on the other hand, merely remember and anticipate only the pleasure of the act, and have no compelling inner concept of social inhibition that would otherwise keep them from acting out their destructive lifestyles and fantasies.

In this sense, they are true sociopaths, and thus the long learning curve, where the addict must eventually learn an awareness that his behavior is self-destructive and self-traumatizing PRIOR to engaging in the socially prohibited sexual behaviors.

By reminding themselves of the self-disgust and trauma they feel afterwards, and with professional counseling and sex addiction groups, they can eventually learn to anticipate the pain and trauma of their indiscriminate sexual acts and ultimately learn to stop doing them, and ultimately make more rewarding choices.

Whatever we can do to break or shorten this cycle of sex addiction would have longterm consequences and severely damage the sex industry.

Due to massive consumption of porn and other sex products, even partial successes in re-educating heterosexual males must be recognized as extraordinary victories with tremendous potential for inflicting permanent damage on profitability.

Of course, other tools in the Luke F-rd toolkit include AIDS scares, exposure of MAFIA ties, SATIRE and humor, lots of pictures (since male porn consumers on the Internet make a primarily visual connection to sex (rather than emotional), exposure of DRUG connections within the industry, the power of CELEBRITY and GOSSIP (which we exploit to advantage on your website).

Destroying Howard Stern

DD writes: Luke F-rd strategy session:

Our staff created the following prep sheet for your upcoming Howard Stern guest appearance: Here are Stern's vulnerabilities as we see them:

1) He's an old man trying to appeal to a much younger audience. The clock is ticking, and he knows it.

2)His audience is almost exclusively angry young white males, which has obvious limitations.

3)Robin represents his failed attempt to appeal to blacks, and enter mainstream.

4)He is entirely ratings dependent, and so here today, gone tomorrow.

5)He has to continue to be more and more extreme to keep his audience, which means, once again, that his mainstream appeal is limited.

6)His ratings have peaked and are on the decline.

7)His future in TV is also limited.

8)He has the vocabulary of an illiterate. Half his words are made up. Any kid in Harlem has a bigger, meaner vocabulary.

9)His formula of sexual boundary violations and sado-criticism is now obvious and no longer novel or unique.

10)He projects his fears onto his celebrity targets, which leaves him wide open to turnaround attacks.

11)His greatest fear is that the media will do a Cathy-Lee on his wife Alison, and that she and their kids will one day be at the mercy of the tabloids.

12)By his own admission, he is extremely insecure, and was sexually molested by his father.

13)His physical appearance suggests he is also gender-confused.

14)He has the introspection and self-insight of a s----fly.

15)His main issue is HYPOCRISY and yet he's the loudest hyprocrite on the f---ing planet. This guy uses the porn industry to inflate his ratings. You, on the other hand are a willful PARASITE on the sex industry, so don't let him confuse the issue by accusing YOU of being the hyprocrite. WE HAVE SUPREME CONFIDENCE IN YOU, AND WE WANT YOU TO TAKE HIM DOWN, YOUNG MAN!

PG replies: "Claiming that Howard Stern is completely "ratings dependant" is perhaps the most idiotic statement I have heard this year. Every single personality on radio or television is completely "ratings dependant", unless they have a 4am show on NPR or PBS. It's called "Capitalism". Perhaps you've heard of it. While on the subject of this apparently foreign economic concept; In 1998 Howard Stern earned over 14 million dollars. I'd be curious to know how much the author of the recent diatribe against Stern on your site "DD" earned in that same year. When people no longer find Stern funny, they will stop listening. When people no longer find Luke F-rd interesting they will stop clicking on his site. The obvious jealousy over Stern's (and possibly Ford's) success in "DD's" ranting leads me to believe that this guy is unlikable to other humans and probably earns minimum wage somewhere while he wonders why he can't meet a woman who will "love him for him". FYI>>>Tommorow I will be listening! to Howard as I drive to work. DD will be masturbating to photos of Rick Dees."

Destroying Mrs. Stern

DD writes: This week our attack moves to Mrs Howard SMUT, the deafest, dumbest, blindest AND sorriest excuse for an adult female in all of America, and you better believe everybody knows it.

Wife of transvestite wannabe, Howard s----FOR-BRAINS. Mrs DOUCHEBAG is THE weak link in the Howard SCUM Masterplan.

She is the female embodiment of dysfunctionality and perversions of all sorts, as she DISCREETLY cavorts with Mr SMUT to provide what Howard describes as infrequent, unenthusiastic, and low quality anal, oral and cuntal gratifications of Mr DOUCHEBAG' S filthy cravings for all 3 of her body-holes.

Of course, Howard's greatest and secret fear is that his no-tits, no-ass, and no-personality wife Alison and their little douchies will be exposed to the tabloids, have their pussies split open for all the world to see, and then be sucked dry of all their juices and eaten alive.

Therefore, in phase 1 of our war on Mr Howard HOLE-f---ER, we launch a full frontal, backal, and sidal assault on Mrs Howard HOLE-f---ED herself.

She's not only f---ed in the ass, she's f---ed in the head, cunt, and mouth as well, as everyone now knows thanks to Howard.

How dumb can this homely, self-effacing AIRHEAD be, hanging around a sorry, gender-confused, s----excuse-for-a-man like Howard.

As Alison well knows, he's NOTHING!! A shameful little PRICKSTER! A bag of hot ASSWIND! Yet, she meekly tolerates scum, hides behind it, makes excuses for it, lies about it, and lies in bed with it, instead of dumping the perverted sicko. That's right, she DISCREETLY tolerates smut, and there is NO excuse for that type of HYPOCRISY.

So we can only conclude she's as f---ed in the head as he is. As Howard said about Cathy Lee, I'd like to crawl up his wife's cunt and asshole like a bacteria and f--- her around till her doctors drop dead of stink disease.

So here's strategy #1: Anytime Howard calls somebody a name or uses foul language, we simply turn it around and say MRS. __^!#@!!.___ Get it? SO WHAT DOES BIGMOUTH HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT??

....Next time we report on Alison's sexlife from the perspective of a s----fly that's landed on the s----stained sheets of Howard and Alison's bedroom.

Luke: "I feel terrible that I published this rant against Mrs. Stern. I know nothing bad about her. I thought for 20 hours before publishing the above rant and I feel guilty that I have done so. I apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Stern. It's inhuman of me. Happy Rosh Hashana."

Ginger Lynn's Torn

Pat Riley writes on RAME: What we're "all about" is paying our rental or purchase dollar to the porn industry in return for a product that will get our dicks' hard. That's generally achieved by cute YOUNG things getting naked in a scenario into which we can insert ourselves and imagine it's us f---ing them. PC rubbish doesn't enter into it except that anything that is likely to be PC is likely to be non-erotic.

My dick didn't even stir while I was watching Torn except when I remembered Ginger's scenes in A Little Bit Of Hanky Panky and Too Naughty To Say No. It did get hard--very hard--watching the YOUNG Sue Moreland and the YOUNG Cindy Stokes in the 1971 movie My Little Sister and the YOUNG unknown with small tits and tight, tight waist who played Mary in the also 1971 movie Two Sisters, which I viewed on the preceding night. IOW, contrary to rumor , my dick is not dead and responds normally to an appropriate YOUNG female and male-orientated story.

> But anyway... >just wait until the Ginger Lynn flick will be released and then you'll see. It >really is one of her best yet.

Yeah, it's not of course. I bypassed likely erection causing movies such as RSM #22 and #23 and the drool-level-I'm-certain Barely Legal from LFP to push Torn to the top of the screener pile so as to bring rame a review of the subject movie.

*****

TORN (1999) GG BJ JO DP 1999--VCA Producer/Director: Veronica Hart Featuring: Ginger Lynn, Chloe Nichole, Staci Valentine, Kylie Ireland, Juli Ashton, Mia Smiles, Rayveness, Devin Wolf, Sean Michaels, Michael J. Cox, Chris Cannon, Alec Metro, John Decker, Julian Andretti, Tina Tyler, Sharon Mitchell, Veronica Hart, Scottie Schwartz, Cary Radcliffe, Jake Smiler, Beth Ann Rafael, Sterling, Michael Hart, Geleon, Mark Kernes, Michael Danze, Debbie, Stirling Gaylord, Jack Rowan, George Kaplan, Wit Maverick, Johnny Come Lately, Vincent Chalbouny, Kopax, Patty, Chanze, Shawn Bigg, Brian Adlawan, Spanish Johnny, Liza Van Dorn, Lisa Beth Rafael, Donald Peters, Casey Webber

A comeback vehicle for 37 year old Ginger Lynn which will undoubtedly appeal to her slavering fan boys but treated as a pornographic movie--one that is supposed to produce sexual arousal--it's the usual failure. Does VCA really think that I want to fantasize about a 37 year old when there are all those 18/20 year olds with nice firm flesh arriving daily in such series as {Freshman Fantasies} and even {More Dirty Debutantes}? Probably not but they, or more precisely the anachronistic Veronica Hart, want to stress a politically correct and anti-male concept that old biddies are still sexual which you can see here in the characterization of Ginger and the males.

The story is from Ginger and Chloe's perspective with the focus almost exclusively on them and the males are mere ciphers to be used by the females for their (the females') enjoyment. Kylie's scene, for example, has her using Devin while wimpy husband (I suppose) Scottie sleeps beside them in the bed. Devin (what a name for a guy!) reminds me of Johnny Toxic with glasses and could rival Jerry Lewis at his worst in the acting department.

The story has Ginger as a promiscuous and bitchy soap opera star, Chloe as a lesbian photographer, and Devin as a dentist, all high school friends but separated and now living in Los Angeles, coming together for a wedding in Chicago, realizing they love and miss each other and finally getting married (all three together) back in LA. There are a few detours along the way to add to the sex scene count and provide employment for the VCA regulars but generally it hangs together quite well.

Although Ginger is no Gwyneth Paltrow as an actress, she's light years in advance of the rest of the porn industry and even Chloe in her non-sex scenes and her lesbian scene with Ginger does a credible job. The dialog measures up to the daytime soap operas.

Ginger was a cute young thing back in 1984 in her rape scene in {A Little Bit Of Hanky Panky} or as the catholic schoolgirl in {Too Naughty To Say No}, two movies you would be well advised to try to find, but today the ravages of age have put her in the only-useful-for-non-sex-roles category.

Rather than trying to describe the differences let me just treat her as though she were a totally unknown performer appearing for the first time. She has a passable but aged and lined face, long straw-colored blonde hair with a fringe, small breasts with little areola, lithe petite body, no waist, some loss of belly muscle tone, trimmed triangle of blonde pubic hair and shaven between her legs, scrawny legs, red lips tattoo on her left butt, and a small flower tattoo on her right ankle outside.

The camera is very careful about not focusing on her belly, only showing it when she's using the cummerbund effect or when she's on her back with her arms above her head and taking a deep breath creating a very prominent rib cage. You're not fooling anyone, guys.

It starts with Ginger on her soap opera set emoting with fellow actors Cox, Metro, and Cannon. Then we cut to Chloe who has a delivery from Mia and puts the hard word on her resulting in a g/g and the usual over-the-top performance from Chloe while getting an American fister. Back on the set Ginger takes a pee (we hear) and doesn't wipe (tch, tch) and then for some reason plays strip checkers with Tina, neither girl getting naked.

That night Ginger, Metro, Cannon, and Cox do a four way including a DP ending in chest cum shots after which she shows how bitchy she is by telling them they'll be fired from the soap opera. Meanwhile elsewhere dentist Devin is examining Staci who aggressively grabs his dick and wants to play. He's reluctant but she gives him a BJ (tit cum shot) and then he leaves for his plane. Nurse Rayveness comes in and she and Staci do a g/g to be joined eventually by ex-gay Julian (credits: just Julian) for a three way resulting in a missed tit cum shot (we see the residue).

Ginger is now in the plane seated next to Sean and in her dreams (I suppose) masturbates, gives Sean some oral sex, and does a g/g with stewardess Juli. At the end, Sean whacks off on Ginger's tits.

At a bar in Chicago, Ginger, Chloe, and Devin reminisce about old times and while Devin and Chloe get drunk, Ginger takes old boyfriend Decker into a back room and screws him over a pool table ending in a butt cum shot. Devin struggles back to his hotel but goes into the wrong room resulting in the Kylie scene I referred to earlier. It ends in a belly cum shot.

Back in LA, Ginger calls on Chloe and they express undying love for each other resulting in a g/g. Devin arrives and Chloe disappears to make a phone call so that he can screw Ginger. After some oral he jerks himself off on his belly and then continues with some in-out resulting in no visible cum shot. That's it. All scenes use condoms. People not mentioned as performing sex are extras. Mark Kernes is credited as Bob Neuwave. Date of production: 3/99.

Cortnee's Clitoris

Voyager7 writes on RAME: I may have seen the new and improved Cortknee this evening while going through the peeps. It turned out, it was Max Hardcore #7 something or other. Anyway, I believe what I saw was a number of years old, since this was taken at the time during Max's evolution of handling the lighted speculums. Hardcore Schoolgirls #7: Fallen Angels.

Anyway, loser Max does mention that she has a large clit, but never touches it. He does do other vile things to her and sweet Cortknee plays along like the porn trooper she is. When he got the lighted speculum in her, at one point they ran an xxxtreme closeup and I "thought" I saw a small penis like appendage where she should have her "pee-hole", (hey, give me a break, if I didn't use the proper medical term here, I mean we are discussing a Max flick here!) :-) Was I tripping, or does Cortknee have such a functioning appendage in her "innards"?

Pat Riley replies: The problem is that Max doesn't seem to use the speculum correctly or maybe I should say, advantageously from the perspective of us amateur gynecologists. Really what you want is for him to spread her vagina widthwise and allow the camera to take a roving tour all along the top and bottom walls. This should provide a good view (top, at the back) of her cervix, which in Cortknee's case should provide proof beyond a reasonable doubt that she has the internal workings of a genetic female. I can't believe any reconstructive surgery would go so far as to fashion a cervix (contrast Cortknee with Tianna Rose).

Not only could we then advise her (and the others) of any corrective action to be taken with regard to disease but it would also provide a guide to her parous past (parous = having given birth; nulliparous = never given birth; multiparous = has given birth multiple times) by comparing the cervix to the line drawings in my guide to advanced gynecology.

>What's a "racing stripe?" Voyager7: Take a look in your front yard at the 1969 Ford Torino you have up on ceeeement blocks. The wide stripe, running from the hood, roof, and trunk of the car, is called a racing stripe...... :-) Similar for our girls, best racing stripes are the ones which run from top of clit hood to navel, some call this a "treasure trail".....

Riley: Arrgh...no voyager. A racing stripe starts at the top of the clitoral hood and terminates at the extreme top limit of where the normal inverted triangle of pubic hair would end. IOW it's a pubic hairstyle. The treasure trail is the fine line from the top of the clitoral hood to the belly button. It may or not be a line of hair. The treasure trail is particularly related to reproduction. If you view some of the Ready to Drop series you'll find that almost all the bulging mama-to-be's have a prominent treasure trail even though they might have shaven or completely bald pussies. It's also very common in black girls or maybe it's just more visible in them. A third term that might be of interest is a "paint brush". That's a wide racing stripe. Another pubic hairstyle.

In Praise of Jenna

Osty writes: People wants to see high quality porn and that is what Wicked delivers. I dont like that camera art work of Brad Armstrong too, but the movie (Hell on Heels) has great costumes, a great cast and (the most imprtant thing) Jenna in all 7 scenes. Jenna was out of the biz for about 1 1/2 years and no one has forgotten her. I bet she could take a 5 years brake, make a movie and it will raise to the top of the charts.

Maybe Katie Gold works her ass off, maybe Rebecca Lord cares about her fans.....Fact is: Jenna does too. She makes not that much movies like your favs, but if she makes one she gives 100%. Her schedule is also much more packed with dance dates, which is hard work, but Jenna loves to perfom in front of her fans and of course it brings more money.

I saw Jenna a few times, shes self-confident and proud of what she reached...is something wrong with that ? I talked last year to a doorman at a Club where Jenna appeared and he said Jenna is the best thing that can happen to a club. "She always packs the house, she gave 100% in every show and above that shes a nice person."

Lynne L-patin Arrested

Producer Lynne L-patin replies to coverage from : Just for clarification, I was put on "Prozac," actually Effexor, the summer after my husband was diagnosed with inoperable terminal prostate cancer. Effexor is not a drug for "crazy" or "psychotic" people. It's an anti-depressant. Obviously, having your husband dying is depressing. The Effexor has been very helpful.

I came to David Hardman's door. I knocked on it. This is not crazy behavior -- it's what you do when you can't reach someone by telephone day after day. Obviously he was avoiding me, but feelings aside, it isn't very professional to avoid the producer of a movie project in which you're involved.

From : "The fact that Lynne L-patin was supposed to be going out with Luke F-rd this weekend for target practice takes on a whole new meaning after L-patin's altercation with the police this past Wednesday night. L-patin said she wasn't planning on making a statement because she has a $20,000 video project in production behind Dave Hardman who is the male lead in this police scenario. However... L-patin was arrested for weapon's possession when she came over to Hardman's house to determine why he hadn't been returning her calls. L-patin had wrap-ups to do next week on the feature.

"L-patin said she met Hardman when she was a production manager at Zane. She says they hit it off very well. Hardman, likewise, hit it off with L-patin's late husband Bruce Walker. L-patin says she met Walker when she worked at Parliament in 1988, when she used to write up orders and take them over to Gourmet, where Walker worked."

Hardman told Gene Ross: "She came over to my house. She was knocking on my door and sitting outside shining a flashlight in the window. She wouldn't go away. (No one asked me to.) I called the cops just to tell her to leave. (Couldn't do himself? What a wimp!) She wasn't stalking me. Maybe to the cops it looked like that. (Cops told me he said I was stalking him.) I was avoiding her. It took the cops about 40 minutes to get over here. She had a loaded gun in her backseat so they arrested her. It's not my problem. It's not my fault she had a loaded gun.

G. Ross: "You said she wasn't stalking you, yet her arrival at your house prompted you to do something."

Hardman: "The only reason I did that is because she wouldn't go away. We had a thing going where we were having sex. I'm a busy man in porno. Obviously it was no love affair. I had to cut it off because I had to stop having sex with her. She came over here like some girl would do for a guy who had just blown her off and wouldn't leave. I figured if I went out there and said, 'Lynne, leave, she wouldn't get the message and probably keep bugging me. I figured if the cops come over and give her a roust she'd know I was serious. I don't appreciate people coming over to my house without calling. I'm weird that way. I like my privacy."

Lynne: I came over to his house like a producer who hadn't heard from talent and was getting worried about finishing a movie. If he had answered the door, said he'd worked all day and was tired, I would have asked him to confirm for the shoot date and then told him to go get some sleep and left. David never indicated to me in any way prior to this that he found me offensive, or that I was bugging him or anything else. In fact, having to have the LAPD "roust" me instead of coming to the door and speaking with me indicates to me that David has problems communicating.

Because he does scenes and is often burned out on having sex, I have never asked him for sex, because I respected him and his work. I thought that was an important part of the relationship -- that I didn't ask for sex. Whenever we had sex, he always initiated it. Porno conventions being what they are, sex never includes coming inside the girl -- you always have to pull out. David and I had personal sex, the way normal people do. I always enjoyed it and thought he did, too. He never said anything to indicate otherwise.

Hardman: "I told the cops I don't want to press any charges. She's my friend. I told them I was in porno and that she was a director. But they had to arrest her. There was nothing I could do to talk them out of it. I want the story straight. There's a ton of s--- I don't do that winds up on Luke F-rd's site. I just deal with it."

Lynne: "She's my friend." What? Is this how someone treats a friend? When your "friend" knocks on your door, you answer it.

Hardman: "Ever since her husband died, she's been very horny. She's got this obsession that everybody wants to f--- her, her landlord wants to f--- her, the cable guy supposedly was stalking her; her gardener's been stalking her. She calls me five times a day telling me what guy wants to f--- her. She's running around her house with a gun. Then she shows up at my house. Keep that thing away from me. The way I look at it is, hey, everybody has to have that experience at least once in their life of getting the handcuffs on and getting thrown in the police car. I felt it was the right thing to do and I still do. I don't feel bad about it. Maybe there was a little paranoia going on in the back of my head. There's a lot of weird s--- going on nowadays. I know she's on Prozac, and that scares me. It's Hollywood. It's the business."

Lynne: I do not have an "obsession" that everybody wants to f--- me. I'm cute, newly single and live in a bad neighborhood. Most pretty girls get hit on a lot but, in the few weeks immediately after Bruce's death, I am anxious and really jumpy and very upset. My pet turtles were stolen by the gardeners and I had to threaten them with La Migra to get them back. The police had to be called about the cable guy, who stopped "hanging out" after the cops found his open truck parked in front of my house but no cable installation going on anywhere in the neighborhood.

I used to call David once a day, in the morning, to find out what his schedule was for the day, and he would say, "Page me later, and if I don't return it, keep paging." When Bruce was alive, Dave would come over and smoke a pipe with him. The day after Bruce passed away, David came over and spent the entire afternoon with me.

Personally, I disagree that everyone should be arrested just for the hell of it. It's like saying that everyone should be raped up the ass at knifepoint, just so they can have the experience.

A third party source, whom we shall call Agent Orange, fills in some more details.

Agent Orange: "Bruce wasn't having sex for the last couple of years of his life and didn't mind if Lynne got sex elsewhere, and so she was having a lot of the porno guys f--- her like Johnny Thrust and a bunch of other guys. On his death bed Bruce said, 'Dave I want you to keep on f---ing my wife, that way I can go to heaven happily.' Anyway, she's been infatuated with Dave and had been stalking him for a good month and a half. I've seen it. She arrives at Dave's house. She sticks her head through the mail slot, comes walking around the back of the house and comes in. She never leaves him alone. Anytime he shows up anywhere, she shows up."

Lynne: Since Bruce was diagnosed with terminal, inoperable cancer in January 1997 and put on medication which made him impotent, I've been very horny. This is a normal reaction. Bruce and I enjoyed our sex lives together, and had basically been monogamous for ten years until I made the mistake of having sex with Johnny Thrust, who came on to me. I'd known him for a few months over the phone, hadn't had sex for almost a year, but didn't know him well enough to realize that he was not only a complete jerk (he gave me a venereal disease and thought it was really funny) but also married.

Then I did scenes during the summer of 1998 as follows: two with Tony Everready, one with Rod Fontana, two with Bogus Bro.Will Savage (his partner, Alex Sao Paulo, shoots for me) and one with Mark Wood. And one with David. I needed the money. I would be happy to do more hardcore, but producers don't want the tattoos.

I have never stalked Dave. I have been at his house exactly five times since July 11. He has been at my house probably fifty times.

The first time I went to his house, it was at his invitation. I told him then and there that Bruce had said, long ago, that although Dave and I can be buddies, I'm not the right woman for David. David said, "We'll see about that" and initiated sex and said things with his cock inside me that indicated he felt very close to me."

The second time I went to his house, it was because I had a business appointment a few blocks away and showed up half an hour early, so thought I'd swing by. A shoot was in progress so I went round the back and played with the dog until they were finished. The shoot was hysterical, and great entertainment. I stayed out back until the sex scene wrapped, but caught the end of the dialogue. After Jim Powers and Floyd and the talent left, David kept me there so long just talking that I missed my appointment!

The third time I went to his house was a couple of days before I went to Arkansas to bury Bruce. I drove David out to Calabasas and he went running. I brought him home, and he said thank you for driving me out there.

When I got back, I immediately started working on the movie. The day before the incident, I went to re-up my PCR/DNA. After visiting Dr. Lepley at the testing clinic -- she said, "How's David?" and I told her I was worried because I hadn't been able to contact him. She asked me to give him her card, so I dropped it by his house while I was waiting for World Modeling to open back up after lunch. I left a letter, indicating my concern. The fifth time was "the incident." Since Bruce's death I have mostly done nothing but handle details and plan services and feel grief. David was wonderful to me and I was grateful for his friendship.

Hardman: "About 9pm Wednesday night I got a call from Dave. He told me she was at his house. I asked him why he was whispering. He said he didn't want her to know he was inside the house. He said, 'Lynne, she's here. She won't leave me alone. I'm getting sick of it. What do I do?' I asked him, 'Dave have you ever told her you don't want to f--- her anymore. Why don't you try that.' He said, 'No, you don't understand. She's insane. She's on Prozac. She's been out here for an hour. She has a flashlight.'"

Lynne: Having a flashlight makes me insane? I was there for exactly 45 minutes total. I would have been there for 5 if he'd answered the door. I wouldn't have been there at all if he'd called me back to confirm the shoot date.

Hardman: "His pitbull was in the backyard going crazy. He said he was going to call the police. I told him not to call the police, talk to her. He said no, she was on Prozac, she was ruining his life. He called me back an hour later telling me the police were there. He told me that were outside handcuffing her. I asked why are they arresting her. He said they found a loaded pistol in her car. She told the cops as they were handcuffing her, 'You know I'm not wearing any underwear.' She was trying to pick up on the cops. Dave had to tell the whole deal to the cops about him being a porn star, that he was f---ing her to keep her happy and that she had fallen in love with him. I don't think there will be a part 2 of that movie."

Lynne: Astro, the pitbull, was not going crazy. He wasn't even in the back yard -- he was still locked in the house which to me meant that David wasn't home, because the dog is usually outside when he's home. That's one reason I was confused. The dog and I like each other -- I'm allergic to furry animals and can't have one, so I love to play with other people's dogs. If Astro had been out in the yard, I would have played happily with him until David "got home."

The cops asked me what I had on under the dress, because they wanted to search me. I told them, "Just bikini panties," so they couldn't search me without a female officer. Believe me, I was not trying to pick them up -- I was just trying to keep my composure and not cry and think clearly.

I've never really been "in love" with Dave. I think he's the greatest f--- I've ever had. I thought he was my best friend. My husband trusted him. I thought we could cross over together, with his acting talent and my producing/writing/promotion talent. I was hoping this was all a mistake. He's not the right man for me -- I'm too strong and smart, and he's not the sharpest tool in the shed and needs a more submissive girl who can really look up to him. But I honestly never had even the slightest clue that he resented me so much he would hurt me like that. I can only work towards recovering my emotional equilibrium so that our work together next Thursday is professional.

My friend, Angela Cee, who has worked for me both as talent and as a still photographer, came over to loan me a dress for Thursday's shoot and has this to say, "My friend Lynne is one of the best people I've ever met in my life. She has everything together as far as videos are concerned. As far as the people I've worked with since entering the industry, she's been the best. All I do is earn money from the other people, but Lynne's the best girlfriend I've met since entering the business.

"Each time Dave and I talk together, and he brings up Lynne's name, or I bring up Lynne's name, he always loved her to death, but then he couldn't say more. He's keeping his true feelings inside himself and is holding back things that he thinks are great, because he's trying to act like things aren't great, like they aren't really happening, like they aren't really real. Some people don't know how to react to that.

"I've worked with Dave for several jobs and he's a great f---, but all he is is a great f---, period. As far as Lynne goes with him and her, who knows what's happening, but as far as the business goes, he's a good f--- and that's all he is."

Lynne: I'm sorry the whole thing happened, and it hurts like a son of a bitch, but I'm not angry at David, and I think that the people who know both of us know I'm not "psycho" and really care about my cast and crew. I'm not happy that he needs to blame me for his emotional inadequacies and communication difficulties, but that's just how he is. I'd like to make a few great porn movies and then move on to other cable television programming, specializing in quality and innovative entertainment of all types. Regards, Lynne L-patin, Casino Productions

P.S.: Jim Powers may personally be a two-faced little s---, but he makes some hysterically funny porn, and the Bukkake is some of the funniest (and most sociologically interesting) participatory pornography I've ever seen. It's a good place to scout for new male talent, and several of the other guys who participate are also my friends and/or talent I have worked with or intend to hire.

Hey Lukey: Some people have trouble getting close emotionally, some physically, some both. If you go after girls who don't want you, you keep yourself safe. Stating that you prefer a platonic relationship because you aren't comfortable having sex is a lot more honest than telling a girl how much you love her one week and having her tossed into jail the next. Funny, huh. He never gave me the slightest clue I was unwelcome until the cops showed up. We never fought, argued, discussed it -- anything.

Estro Turf

From: Luke F-rd Wire Services, Ltd.:

Hotsie-twatsie photo phenom Katrina del Mar spoke with occassional l-keford.com operative Krash at Greenwich Village’s Life club recently as she unveiled "American Toughie"-- a sprawling installation of lovingly, if not lustfully, manipulated prints that paid unflinching homage to the polymorphic preversity of today’s rough-trade urban youth.

Also on hand was mythic trans-media titillator Kembra Pfahler--best known as lead vocalist for power-perv band The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black.

“Kembra Pfahler is one of my great influences,” emphasized the big-bazoomed, finely featured, tightly muscled del Mar. “She had her hand tattooed so that she'd never have to have a straight job -- which to me as a working-class type seems very brave. Kembra's ideas, sense of style and influences are all so completely bizarre, at once very rarefied and very pedestrian, Rudolf Schwarzkogler [a Viennese artist falsely reputed to have cut off his own penis] and "Orgy of The Dead", 16th-Century witch torture and Diet Pepsi. She's told me about performances she's done where afterwards she had to be hospitalized...because too much blood was let."

On one such unforgettable occasion--eternalized in Richard Kern’s 1992 film “The Sewing Circle”--Pfahler’s slick, dewy vaginal lips were sutured shut by a pair of giggling, rubbered-gloved dominatrixes.

[Del Mar: "The practice of 'delicate cutting' is one which I and several of my friends indulged in out of the great anguish of post-molestation adolescence. This is not a happy story at all. I've heard it described as a method by which a girl in great emotional pain can put the pain in a place where it makes sense...on the physical body, in plain sight."]

The images at the heart of Katrina del Mar's clitismic chronicles are drawn from the deepest, wettest recesses of the Americanican nightscape-- outposts and inposts of erotic extremism ranging from East Village to San Francisco to Florida's Gold Coast to other sundry nowheresvilles along the way... pulsating with the clitismic catechism on which del Mar has erected her “Church of Pussy”.

Del Mar's vision quest is energized with the fervid perfectionism of The Bad Catholic who has eschewed The Virgin for The Whore -- an erotomorphic insiderism evoked, in words too memorable not to quote here, by Village Voice culture critic Ed Morales in his review of the Fall, 1996 "Picture This..." exhibit of "36 edgy photographers exploring a dark 'n nasty world of plain fun":

“If there was a predominant ethos on the walls, it was the war against what photographer Katrina del Mar called "Hatred of the female body, that New Age horror." Del Mar, whose Passaic [New Jersey] upbringing infused her with a love for decay and ruin, relished the messy, bloody rage in her nude subjects.”

"Here's a transsexual from Florida", she mused. "I gave her a hammer and told her to rip stuff apart." She played with a necklace that spelled out "I LOVE TWAT" and bragged "[artist/filmmaker] Beth B. asked me if she could photograph my pussy..."

Her incantatory, intimately distanced images--navigating the territory between sacred and profane--have established del Mar as the authoritative documentrix of riot-grrll and pussycore culture. “Sweating gasoline and looking for a match” is how she described the experiential alchemy with she has increasingly imprinted these visions upon the underground's collective eyemeat--with a vividity that recalls Marcia Resnick's and Bob Gruen's images of doomed Seventies / early Eighties punkers and glitterati ranging from Sid Vicious to John Sex.

“I kill doubt and present you with the rage, the sex, the intimate face of your goddess," elucidated del Mar.

And in contradistinction to the vanished scenesters populating Gruen's and Resnick's work--or the doomed porners of today--the primarily female inhabitants of del Mar's ouvre are clearly determined, like Katrina del Mar herself, to keep their spirits firmly anchored in the flesh.

The URL for Katrina's snizz- and squack-filled web site: http://www.bway.net/~katrina/

Rocco in Romance

Lattara writes on RAME: Rocco Siffredi has made the jump that many porn stars before him have failed and appeared in a 'real' and critically acclaimed film, Romance directed by Catherine Breillat (http://us.imdb.com/Details?0194314). Rocco avoids any typecasting by playing 'a well-hung stud' (according to the UK film mag Sight & Sound). The film is controversial as it contains 'hardcore scenes' and details 'the story of a woman trying to find what true love is'. Primarily by shagging a lot, apparently. The film has already been successful in its native France and has just been granted an 18 certificate in its uncut form by the British Board of Film Classification. This follows a trend where arthouse movies with explicit sex have been passed uncut while the BBFC continues to refuse to pass hardcore scenes in porn films.

According to the BBFC's press release: "the most explicit portrayal of sexual intercourse is avoided. But there are occasional strong images of male genitalia of which the strongest is set within a 'safe sex' context. Other shots are generally brief."

The release goes on to comment that a scene involving bondage was left in as there was no coercion and the scenes are "are notable for the sensitivity and concern of the principal male character." This would appear to be Rocco himself who is billed 4th according to the IMDB.

BTW, if you like gamine French brunettes with little tits then the star, Caroline Ducey, age 22, looks decidedly yummy from the couple of pics I've seen. The actress - from the mainstream not the world of porn - states "I gave everything to the part of Marie and in a certain way it destroyed me. It took a whole year to recover from the experience, but I am stronger now and proud of what I've done." (in an interview with Empire magazine). The BBFC demonstrate their remarkably little-England view of the world by remarking "With its overlay of philosophical commentary, it is a particularly French piece. It is also very French in the frank way it addresses sexual issues." Ah, those Frenchies, eh? Always at it :-).

Luke's Site Sucks

Bushmiller writes on RAME: I'll tell you what I emailed Luke: That he is becoming the Cyber-Landis, in reference to Bill Landis and his legendary NY zine Sleazoid Express. Bill covered porn and exploitation films in his zine and eventually became ensconced in the business and kept writing about it. I'm finding it fascinating but it is getting provincial. I'll used the word vice instead of addiction but Luke's love/hate with the biz is different that Bill's as Bill had the monkey to contend with. Perhaps Luke's got Ted Nugent Syndrome (herein known as TNS or the Wang dang addiction) but it's still working for me. Personally, I haven't viewed Gene Ross's site in a while. In a way, it's like reading National Review or Mother Jones...as long as you know the agenda is there, it's ok.

The monkey on his back be the smack habit. Hence the need/will to do porn to support (Again, I'm glad that that is not a vice of yours. We're lucky to still have Bill with us.) Ted Nugent? Ted Nugent? Veteran 70s rocker/roadkill hunter and eater-turned-right wing radio shot pundit? Ted's claim was that in his rocking days, his only vice (he called addiction) was pussy (what he referred to many times, in song, as Wang Dang Sweet Puntang. So what I'm saying is that if I were you and I had tasted the pleasures of the biz, it would be hard to eat just one, so to speak.

I'm predicting a book by you from a major publisher in the next 3 years or so, entitled: Something Something (in other words, fill in the blank): My Wild Ride Covering the World of Adult Films or something to that effect.

XYZ: Guitarist/vocalist Ted Nugent a/k/a The Motor-City Madman achieved his first prominence as a member of proto-psychedelic rockers The Amboy Dukes. As a solo artist, he achieved global popularity for his buzz-saw guitar licks and such songs as "Cat Scratch Fever". He is a noted hunter, gun freak and carnivore--and often appears in magazine articles as a spokesman for these pasttimes.

Porn star Nakita Kash writes on RAME: Hey I am with you Mike, I stopped reading it about two months ago. I really do not care for the "info" that is on the site. You may be right about him writing things that are only funny to him. All I know is that it is not entertaining to me.

I actually loved the attention that he was bringing to the industry! He was able to do what mainstream gossip columns and journalists would love to do to mainstream! I felt that it was great to get some things out in the open about the industry. I am very dissapointed that he has resorted to what is left on the site right now!

DD writes: "The most common mail Luke gets is to try to change and improve Luke. But it's all really quite disingenuous, of course. l-keford.com is just pure entertainment, and we all know it!!! If Luke wasn't Luke, we'd all feel a great loss. So everybody, please, please, just relax, let WebMaster Luke do his thing, and enjoy the show!"

Luke: I'm sick of sex.

Ann: you have had that much lately, huh? Luke - you need to back in therapy. You seem so tortured inside- so conflicted - I am worried you will implode

Luke: I'm just tired.

Ann: Luke - you are more then tired - you are a mess - although - you fake being fine...

Ron Sullivan writes: "I recently examined your web site, and must state now that much of it is very entertaining. I wonder how much of it is accurate... I resent your comment (under the "Mafia" columns) about your statement that I was addicted to cocaine (compared with Bobby Hollander). I certainly did my fair share of cocaine abuse, and that's a part of my past. I have never been addicted to cocaine, or any other controlled substance. I'm addicted to cigarette smoking."

Nike writes: "Hi, Luke! I'm a great fan of your site and visit it regularly. The most interesting topic of your site to me are the biographies of pornstars. My favorite actors are Rocco Siffredi and Hakan Joel. Hakan Joel (it's not his real name) is quite young and appeared in some movies of Rocco Siffredi and John Stagliano. But unfortunately I was not able to get some information about his life somewhere, so I would appreciate it if you could give some info about him. And are there some news about Rocco?"

Amalek writes: Luke, I have been following your web site for about a year, and have come across your writings on Usenet sporadically for a bit longer than that (e.g., on SCJ) as well. I suppose the internal conflict that your writing telegraphs appeals to me. For those born to the faith no less than for those who choose it, Judaism can be a very difficult religion to follow, one that we would long since have abandoned for one of the more popular brands of faith if only they did have so many of Judaism's internal contradictions and many of its theological weaknesses. It is fascinating watching a true outsider like you try to make his way in what is a very insular faith.

I am no Rabbi. I am not even much of a believer or respecter of tradition, but I am not so stubborn as to fail to recognize within Judaism a few core beliefs and rules that all people, jew or not, believer or not, professional journalist or not, SHOULD follow. One of these is the prohibition against "lashon hora", or evil speech - in other words, empty GOSSIP. I do not care if you choose to honor the Sabbath or not, for whatever the harm in your choice, it accrues only to you. And I do not give a damn if you choose to wear garments made of linen and wool or not (did you know that doing so is a sin in normative Judaism?). But when you print unsubstantiated or pointless assertions of loathsome behavior, assertions that are inherently harmful to others, you are implicitly mocking the faith that you claim to embrace. If you cannot embrace this basic moral prohibition, why bother with the rest of Judaism? Wouldn't you be happier joining the rest of the secular herd, and never look back (except perhaps, to snicker)?

Your web site alas, provides all too many instances of lashon hora. Most recently, you printed assertions that a famous man, recently deceased, was a bisexual. Of course, you have no proof that he was, and his death forever precludes him from answering the accusation. Nevertheless, the assertions you printed have already jumped from your web site to Usenet to Deja.com, where they are now part of the permanent Usenet archive of this era. I have no doubt that these assertions will disseminate further, until they reach the eyes and ears of the general public, who have a genuine weakness for this sort of thing. (Yes, I concede that I too, have a weakness for reading bad things about famous people, the more loathsome the better. That's bad, but not in the same ball park as broadcasting such stuff to the world.)

Now it may be that I have misread your writings, and that what I took to be a sincerely repeated allegation of moral turpitude is nothing more than your idea of parody or satire. If that's the case, then I urge you to take some writing classes or at least provide some graphical indication to your readers warning them of when you do not intend for your work to be taken at face value. Both your lack of skill as a satirist, and the often genuinely peculiar behavior of the people you usually write about combine to make it very difficult to tell when you are being satirical. Perhaps you should take some writing classes, or at least provide some graphical indication to your readers (e.g., the use of all-caps) warning them of when you do not intend for your work to be taken literally.

Of course, it may be that you are a damn near brilliant satirist, whose putative "conversion" to Judaism is just part of the joke. If that is the case, then you are the only one who has gotten it, and you are engaging in a form of masturbation far more intense than any practiced by the people who buy the dirty movies produced by the industry you critique.

Finally, I have a question for you. If you could not write about the masturbatory cinema, what would you do with your life? Would it be better or worse than it is, and if you feel that it would be better, why don't you just make the switch to the alternate path right now?

Luke Dorian Grey Crashes

Wilde Oscar writes: Though he's 33 years old, Luke looks more like a 23-year old gay tink. To see his real age, you have to look at his thrashed car, which shows all the dents and bruises Luke's earned over the years by his careless ways.

Luke drives even worse than he writes, and with even less care regard to common decency, let alone the law. He runs red lights as often as he plagiarizes, speeds like he's libeling, and refuses to signal like he refuses to identify satire.

That's ok. It will all catch up to him. Luke's going to crash. Unless he changes his sinful ways.

Luke's in a slump. His site sucks, he's losing friends and Mr. Porno can't even keep up an erection. Jewish chicks are hopping off his floppy dick these days more quickly than Luke runs from fact-checking.

Friday afternoon Luke shut down his computer early and drove to Barnes and Noble bookstore on Westwood and Pico Boulevards to meet a woman for the first time. Like Luke, she's the child of a famous Seventh Day Adventist evangelist. Like Luke, she's rebelled. But while Luke converted to Judaism and writes on porno, she attends Robert Schuller's Crystal Cathedral and studies Shakespeare.

"I wanted to apologize for what my father did to your father, and his followers," she told Luke as they squinted into the sun. "My dad is so full of hate. I haven't spoken to him since I was 16 and ran away from home."

Luke understands hate and the drive towards exclusivity and theological purity that animated her father. Luke also understood that he had a date. He had to take Nice Jewish Teacher to shul. Sabbath welcoming services began in 30 minutes.

Concluding his 45-minute conversation, Luke ran down the escalator to the parking lot, hopped in his van and turned on the ignition. Ignoring the large round support to the parking structure on his right, Luke spun his steering wheel sharply to the left and spun out of his parking space.

Smash. Luke's car crashed into the support. He pulled forward and got out to survey the damage. The passenger door was severely dented and would barely shut. The window could no longer roll down farther than three inches.

Luke did not get mad. He accepted the punishment. He'd screwed up again. His careless ways had bitten him in the ass. He'd received a warning, which he chose to regard as divine, that unless he watched his ways, he'd receive more hard knocks.