Thursday, August 12th, 1999

Brick Majors Scoop

Brick writes (Mickey gives a very different story): As we learn again, going out of the country can be dangerous. Ultimate Productions, on location on the island of St Martin (in the Caribbean), while shooting two features for Adam & Eve, runs into some unexpected problems.

While shooting on a near by island, the motor yacht wooden dinghy's towline breaks and the dinghy starts to take on water in the rough sea. Fortunately the yacht's two female crew members are already out in the other dinghy. They try to save the boat but are not strong enough to keep it afloat. Brick Majors dives from the yacht and swims to lend some muscle to save the boat. With help from Marc Davis, the dinghy was attached to a line from the yacht.

Brick offered the solution to raise the water filled dinghy; from a past experience with his 20 foot blown nitrous Eliminator Scorpion drag boat. The following day Phillip, who is shooting camera, gets out of the jeep in a ghetto area of Grand cape to get a few pick-up shots. As he gets out of the jeep with the camera, he is chased down by two islanders trying to steel his camera. He was able to get back in the jeep in time to get away.

The following day Patti Rhodes is shooting camera for a moped scene from a jeep as Brick Majors and Mickey Gee switch off riding the moped. In the same ghetto area of Grand Cape, Brick is nearly run into the gutter by a local islander.

The car stops as Brick turns around around for the shot. After a moment the driver of the car waves Brick over to the driver's side. The driver is irate and tries to get out of his car as Brick tries to keep the islander's door closed while straddling the moped and in his dress shoes. In these slippery shoes Brick slips on the sandy asphalt and takes the "only" hit from the 6 foot-4, 240-pound islander as he makes it out his car door. Punches are exchanged and the fight is broken up by other drivers on the street as Mickey G urinates on himself while hiding behind Paul.

The islander picks up the moped smashes it on to the ground and leaves. Brick is directed by Patti to make a police report for Ultimate's insurance for the moped. Patti drives around the corner to the sub station. As Brick gets out the jeep as the islander rounds the corner and stops. As he and Brick square off again, he explodes, noticing Patti filming the assault.

He picks up a large rock and heads for Brick then turns on Patti as she sits in the jeep. (The "bitch" as Brick refers to Mickey G) Mickey G takes off on the moped and just leaves Brick and Patti. Patti struggles to keep position of the camera and is elbowed in the back of the head as Brick runs over to protect her. The islander pulls the camera from Patti's grasp as Brick yells for Patti to take off, as he again squares off with the biggest guy on the entire island.

After a standing shoving match, Brick successfully rescues the video camera and walks around the corner to find Mickey again urinating on himself in fear. For any future out of town productions it is recommended to stay out of low income ghetto areas and to choose crew and talent like Brick that are big enough and will stay and defend his fellow team members.

Brick says: Mickey G is a total piece of s---. The only reason he's in the business, because the guy is such a goof, is because of her. The guy is a total bitch. There was a little incident on the boat. I said, buddy, are you talking to me? You better not be talking to me. He says, I'm talking to Tom... Back at the house we had another butting of heads. But on this incident, he's hiding behind Patti Rhodes... He wouldn't even back me up at all...

"And when this guy picks up a rock and comes at me and Patti, he just gets on his moped and takes off. He left us both there."

Brick is unhappy that Mickey is supposedly spreading rumors about him and Brick is looking for him.

Steven St. Croix shot wraparounds for the production.

Mickey G responds: "Here's the true story... Especially since Brick has chosen to say that. Brick, while we were on the island, was irritating everybody. He became a major source of irritation for cast and crew. Everybody just wanted to smack him because he was very self-centered and not a team player.

"This moped scene was on the last day [August 1]... It was a beautiful little town, it wasn't a ghetto area... And he was going the wrong way down a one-way street. And as he [Brick] was doing to everybody on the island, he mouthed off to the guy. The guy gets out of the car and punches him in the head and knocks his glasses off and knocks him to the ground. I turned around and by then he was on his back and being dragged across the street on his feet. And he was screaming ok, ok, ok... Like giving up. He'd never exchanged one punch. He was screaming and actually urinating on himself. Patti runs up and says 'why don't you go help him?'

"I just sat back and thought, 'wow, this is poetic justice.' And that's what everybody thought. When everybody heard the story, the whole cast and crew smiled. Wow, he finally got karma for his mouth.

"So I just sat back and watched. There was no way that I was going to get into one of his issues again, because he'd been irritating people and provoking fights the whole time he was there... And he finally picked on someone his own size and he got clocked. And he was the one urinating on himself. He was scared to death...

"I could've taken off at any time. I had the moped and could've left... No one really broke it up. The [black] guy just finally stopped because there were a lot of people around... We got in the jeep. He [Brick] wanted to file a police report. So we went to the police station and it was closed. At that point, the guy turns around and sees him at the door of the police station.

"I'm sitting on the moped. Patti is there. This is all on film, I don't know if they will put this on the trailer... The guy comes up to him [Brick] and starts pushing him around again. And he points his finger at Patti Rhodes with the video camera and says shoot this, shoot this, drawing attention to Patti. The guy then takes a stone, gets really upset, and goes after Patti, trying to hit her. He grabs the camera from Patti and Brick continued the altercation with him.

"I just stand back... There's no way I need to get involved in the fight that he started. I could've taken off on the moped and left him there stranded... I waited for him, at my risk, to give him a ride. I did not urinate on myself. For Brick to even say that is chickens---.

"I don't know if Brick realizes that I am a director and a producer and that I have put food in his face. I've written him a paycheck... It's pretty f---ed up of him to be talking to producers that way... Matter of fact, because of his behavior and lack of team spirit, I've recommended that he not be hired for a few jobs. I know that he will never be hired by Ultimate again.

"He was a major source of problems... Another time, he took off for an hour-long solo scuba dive...leaving the camera crew waiting for him to return when they're supposed to be shooting footage... The camera guy wanted to smack him... People wanted to know how much we paid the [black] guy to beat him up."

Mickey G. discounts rumors that he is getting a divorce from his porn star wife Missy (they are both under contract with Wicked).

Mickey: "I am not exclusive with Wicked...I'm working on www.missyweb.com and learning about the internet and digital animation... I'm writing some more scripts and I'll be going out to www.burningman.com in September...

"Missy and I are not getting a divorce. She's just taking a hiatus... She's spending time with her family... We're living separately...

"I would never step into one of Brick's fights. He instigated it. It was totally a provoked fight. I wasn't about to step into his mess... He has no respect for anybody... Especially when you're in a foreign country, you need to respect the local people... And mouthing off to the locals is not a smart idea...

"Brick is a child... He's done time in jail and during that time he ratted a lot of people out... So he has bad karma against him as well. Talk to Jack Hammer about that whole story..."

Harley Fire Gunn Show

Harley Fire of www.thepornosexlounge.com: "I shot it [Harley's cable access show] over at Bob's Classy Lady [strip joint] and it's an X-rated show. In parts of it she is masturbating. There are open pussy shots... It's really dirty... If they play this on cable access, I expect I might be on the news tomorrow. So far they haven't said anything. It's scheduled to play tonight [Thursday]... For 25 of the show's 30 minutes, there is full nudity. She had me spank her... She had me take off all her clothes with my teeth. It was hardcore man. They won't play it in Los Angeles..."

Luke: "Does she go down on you?"

Harley: "No. She gives me a lap dance. She's sitting there playing with herself... You won't even see this stuff on the Playboy Channel.

"In about two weeks we are going to start doing a live hardcore show on the internet... I'll do an interview and then sex starts happening... First one will feature Kristina St. James..."

AVN Folds Fetish Magazine?

XXX writes: Another sign of AVN's "booming" business: AVN is pulling the plug on its glossy, non-hardcore "Fetish" mag. "Fetish"--with its lavish art-direction and smart editorial--was a promising departure from AVN's usual advertorial formula. According to a fetish-scene insider, the company's higher-ups are refusing to further fund the up-market periodical.

About 16 hours after running the story, Luke decided to check its validity with a AVN publisher Paul Fishbein who replied: "Once again, you are incorrect, but as usual, you ran the story anyway."

Luke: I don't give a f--- if the story is true. It amused me, that's enough. That some people are whispering the above is enough justification for me to run it on l-keford.com. After all, this site is a work of fiction anyway. Any similarity to real persons, place and events is strictly coincidental.

Does Luke care whether the AVN Awards are fixed? Luke could not give a rip. This whole industry can go down the toilet for all I care (except for my friends at Astral Ocean and Sin City). That some people in the porn industry think the AVN Awards are fixed, and if that notion can give me either a giggle or a hard on, that's enough for me to publish it.

I shall pass this way but once. If there is any ill that I can do to any porner, any humiliation that I can heap on someone's head or business deal that I can ruin, let me do it now for I shall not pass this way again.

XXX: "The "Fetish" tip is solid. It's more than a whisper. They had practically nil distribution in New York. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if AVN kept publishing the mag for the sole purpose of proving you "wrong". Why not ask Paul Fishbein when "Fetish #9" hits the newsstands....? Not a word about Fetish on geneross.com--and if Fishbein was telling the truth geneross would be all over it. Luke 1 AVN 0"

Sex and Censorship

A documentary filmmaker writes Luke: "That's a possibility. Only trouble is I thought I was making a film on sex and censorship -- that's what I got the money for. Now I find I'm doing the goddamned Luke F-rd Story. You gotta come up with an ending for this thing (that I can film): Luke gets married; Luke gets laid; Luke gets sucked by... Fishbein, Margold, Albo, Labash, any straight chick; Luke gets a job; Luke gets offed... something that's.... unexpected... but meaningful.

"I've got it... the ending. You and Matt [Labash of the Weekly Standard], hand in hand, walk slowly down 101. Crowds of (former) naysayers (to many to mention by name, but the faces we've seen before) line the interstate's shoulders chanting the Lou Rawl's classic, 'Take A Walk On The Wild Side'. Some are nodding their heads, whispering 'I knew it' to anyone who'll listen; they're truly blissed at this turn of events. The a cappela standard subsides and the two journalists can be heard singing their own anthem: 'Some Day My Prince Will Cum.' Everybody is jerking themselves -- or their neighbours -- off. Matt and Luke embrace, kiss longingly, exchange mantras. Even William Margold delivers up crocodile tear... The Lovers now invite eveyone lining the great grey way to join in the orgy. No one naysays now; the splishsplashing is awesome. We fade to lavender, then to black; the sounds of ecstasy continue a long beat over black.... Come on, Luke. For art... and, maybe, for salvation."

Metro's Plunging Stock

Staggrlee writes on Yahoo: ">> Based on the value assigned to the electronic rights portion of Metro's library by New Frontier Media, the Company places a global value on the entire library of more than $30 million.<<

Strangely, the entire company has a market value of just $16 million. I wonder if management takes any responsibility for this $14 million "badwill" or if they simply consider themselves to be victims. Or maybe the market is just stupid. What is so sad, is that the reason for the poor valuation of this stock is apparent to everyone, but for some reason Metro's management refuses to take action to correct it. Rightly or wrongly, we are often judged by the company we keep. If Grant Thorton's resignation didn't teach this to MGMA, nothing will.

Gary's Got Issues

Review from Newsday 7/16/99: (R) "Director Dan Ireland follows up his superb 1995 "The Whole Wide World" with this turgid, trite and disappointing tale in which a waitress (Salma Hayek), a hustler (Thomas Jane) and a flamboyant porn star (Vincent D'Onofrio) dying of AIDS form a contentious menage. 1:41 (sexual situations, language).

"A beautiful blond young man (Thomas Jane) comes to New York and literally stumbles into the evil city's sexual underworld. Even more predictably, life for this guy, who adopts the name Gary, is no more or less banal than it would be if his bus had taken the wrong turn to Danbury or Glens Falls."

From

MADINla writes: "dear gene, please dont be offended, im e-mailing the same letter to Luke F-rd. i used to read ur stuff regularly and it wud be informed, timely and very interesting. Lately, though it seems you take up half the days "stuff" focused on Luke F-rd, except for a hardy few, i dont think the rest of us are reallt interested in ur fued with luke. Please go back to your old format and try to get off that luke thing. Thank you"

Gene sez: "I'm offended on two counts - that you would use the contraction "ur" for your and that you would think there was no point to the Luke F-rd postings. Excuse me. How many celebrities or figures in the news do you know who get five hours-plus radio time in one day? Ford happened to be a newsmaker these past few days. I'm reporting about it. Case closed."

Mike Albo writes: "Just for your edification, the word I used to describe certain residents of Boyle Heights was "cholos," not "cellos." Since you're not a L.A. "homeboy" the error is understandable. Just so you know, "cholo" is caló slang for "a rude person." Cholismo manfests itself in a particular style of dress and certain attitude. A cello, on the other hand, is a musical instrument. Although the image of Luke being whacked senseless by a cello is certainly amusing. Not as amusing as his belief that I was going to offer him a job, but amusing nonetheless."

Gene sez: "Mike, thanks for the clarification because, what with this tinnitus, I could have sworn your original statement was, 'I love a guy who gets attacked by a cello in Moyle Heights.' "

Steve Neece writes: "Gene, Hope the Neece/Ford debate amused and enlightened you. I'm not sure what you meant when you said...."what happens when you stay up too late."? When WHO stays up too late? "I sure brought a lot of things tumbling out of Lukes' psyche.'Witch burning was wrong and I don't approve.' I should hope not!!!! Is that a guilt reaction?Then he says fear and hatred of women is instinctive in the male gender.Is he merely repeating and explaining his own fears? But the cherry on the whipped cream sundae was when he started talking about the supposed sexual revolution that took place on Mt.Sinai!!!!

"It seems he thinks that without the ten commandments that men would all be boy lovers/forcible molesters and women would go unfulfilled and Western Civ would have died stillborn!!!

"Luke, civilization flourished in classical Greece where boy love was the sexual ideal! Homosexuality was pretty much accepted in all of the pre-Christian civilizations except for those governed by Judaism. Except for AVN even the so-called liberal porn world has yet to regain the level of tolerance towards male homosexuality that was enjoyed in ancient civilizations.Vivid seems to be the only straight company to have a Gay line.

"Coast to Coast and Catalina had the great bi films.There seems to be as much sexual intolerance in the porn world as there is in the straight world.There are a numbers of guys in the straight porn biz that, were they accused of analingus with a sow would exclaim "It was a female pig! I aint no fag!!! And besides,I was loaded/stoned/drunk!!" Guess I'll sign off for now."

Gene sez: "You illustrated my caveat precisely. The above kind of conversations are what you have when you stay up too late."

Chuck Martino Update

I talked to my wounded buddy Chuck at 2 PM. He totaled his car early Sunday morning, August 1, after spending all Saturday shooting a Philmore Butts movie.

Chuck: "The cops said, 'what happened?' I couldn't tell them because I had f---ing smacked my head... So I say, hahahahah.... And those f---ers gave me every [drug] test they could give me. They said, blow in this and it reads 0.0. And they laugh...I could hardly f---ing sit up because my back hurt so bad... They took me to the hospital where those f---ers gave me every kind of drug test imaginable for every kind of f---ing drug...from Ectasy to coke to speed... And they said, this f---ing guy doesn't have anything in his body. What the f--- happened? I said, it was an accident.

"I was in a semi coma until Thursday night, August 5th... My mom, who lives in Palm Desert, says you would come out of it for 30 seconds twice a day and then slip back into it. When I came to, they gave me a catscan, and the doctor looked at my mom and said, I've never seen this before. For someone to be in a f---ing coma for three days and have no brain damage. She said that this is f---ing incredible. They released me to my mom last Friday.

"I've been staying at my mom's this week... I just came home..."

Luke: "So, how did the accident happen?"

Chuck: "Luke, if I could f---ing tell you, I could tell everybody. I know I was coming off the 101 at Reseda and hit my brakes. My brakes locked... I've got a lawyer and we're going... There was a reason the brakes. I didn't slow down. I had my brakes flat to the floor from the beginning of the offramp until I ran straight into the metal pole across the street. Wrapped my car around the pole, the light came down, the airbag came out... My f---ing hands are numb... So I'm f---ed. My backs all f---ed up... f---ing cuts everywhere...

"I totalled my other car three years ago and nothing happened. Just scratched my hand. This one f---ed me up... A concussion...

"I had every drug test and came up negative. They don't just allow you to total a car, have drugs in your system, and walk away. That's not how our system works. I've got my hospital records right here...

"I'm very lucky because I partied in July... I'm lucky it wasn't then... I told my mom and she said, you're very lucky. I'm lucky to be alive.

"I'm talking kinda weird because my mouth is all f---ing sliced inside because I bit my tongue during the accident and there are pieces of my tongue where my teeth sliced it open... I bit my cheeks. There's a hole inside my mouth where it was sliced open... Your spit has acid in it so that it burns... I haven't been able to eat a whole lot... I'm on a f---ing liquid diet. I've lost about 20 pounds."

Luke: "You don't need to lose that."

Chuck: "f--- dude... It all went from my stomach... I look f---ing ripped. I look like someone from a f---ing diet program... I want to get back to work. So what's happening here, the same old porno?"

Luke: "Yeah."

Chuck: "Oh man, I'm f---ing glad to be back to normal... Mentally I feel like I've got a f---ing new lease on life. I didn't learn in the last accident. This time I learned. I learned how easy it can be here today and gone tomorrow."

Luke: "I've had an accident or two. It is a very sobering experience."

Chuck: "That's a good way to put it... I would be surprised if I even smoked a f---ing joint. I won't even take aspirin right now... I'm in f---ing pain but I told the f---ing doctor, don't give me nothing for the f---ing pain. I don't want no f---ing pain pills... They drained my whole system out while I was in a coma. They shoot IV [intravenous needles] through... 250ccs an hour... My brain and my body inside feels 20 years old again. I don't want nothing... I think the worst is over.

"I'm sure everyone is saying, oh, he was f---ed up. That's why he totalled his car. I don't give a f--- what people are saying. You've been in an accident... I've got hospital reports and my close friends know..."

SinCityInsider replies: "I am okay. Been very busy lately. Chuck is very sick which is a shame but life goes on. Michael Raven never shot for Chuck but came through John Mcmanus who sells cable versions to hotel chains. Sin City bought "Queen's Challenge", Raven's first film and connected with him. He lived in Texas and eventually moved to LA. David needed a good director to do his big features and hired him before David even hired Chuck. Those others you mention also did not work with Chuck either. I am not sure who Mickey Ray is. As far as being fickle, maybe David as, but all his motivations are for profits, David gave Chuck more than enough chances, more than any other owner would have."

XYZ: YES chuck is in the hospital, but not the nuthouse...He was taken there by the 911 crew when they were called, after he tried to lure you-know-who [Shay Sweet] to his apartment claiming that he was ALREADY in the hospital and the dogs hadn't been fed in three days. When she showed up with a girlfriend to retrive the retrivers, Chuck was wandering up and down the street in front of the apartment. The girlfriend freaked out and left, stranding you-know-who with the freaked out Chuck... The boyfriend was called and he called a friend who lived close by and had him go get you-know who.. 911 was called, along the out-of-control Chuck's mother, and he was taken away...end of story..

Porn Star Wrap Sheets

XXX writes: Why not publish wrap sheets on porn stars, especially those young and new to the industry. It should be easy enough to pay a professional to do criminal background checks. It would make fun and fascinating reading for those of us with clear consciences. It would also scare the pants off the weakhearted, and those afraid of or financially unprepared for lawsuits, and drive them out of the industry early on: OK, young hot pants, you want to expose all to the world? Then, we'll TELL the whole world first, including friends, relatives, exes, Mommy & Daddy, everyone, and then you can pick up the pieces!

---------------- I was delighted to read in your STARS section that porn star JAMIE GILLIS most recently shot defecation and urination scenes for European audiences. Does he also like animals, and why hasn't this wife-beating scumsucker died of AIDS yet?

---------------- You said Sunday that sometimes you'd like to get next to Ginger Lynn. I don't know if you meant close sexually or close in some other way. Here are some get-real questions for your upcoming personal interview with GINGER LYNN ALLEN:

1)When did you first discover you liked girls? How did it feel inside? Where inside? Tell us about it.

2)Describe in painful sexual detail your very first time with scumbag Ron Jeremy, and tell us all how you dealt with the overwhelming shame afterwards.

3)How was the sex in prison? Followup: You'll do anything to get next to girls, won't you!

4)When did you start flashing that prop penis around at your road shows? And are you butch or bitch?

5)Has anyone ever told you your hips are dimpled? We've all known all these years, we were just too nice to say anything.

6)What ever happened to that unusually thick matted blonde bush you sported from your start in movies in the 80's until 1998? I would have paid top dollar for that thing!

7)Please tell us about the liposuction and tucks you had this past year prior to re-entering adult films. What are your current measurements, where were they, and when? (Watch out, she lies!)

8)How many times EXACTLY have you taken it professionally in the ass? Your fans say 69, you say 19. Who's telling the truth? Did it hurt the first time?

9)Would you please get a perm so you look more like my ex?

SOURCES FOR THE ABOVE: 1........Jerry Springer's transvestite mother(father) 2........Andy Rooney 3........the deaf, dumb and blind Mrs. Howard Stern 4.......Andy Rooney 5.......mattress copy of f----Me-Daddy Magazine, circa 1988. GO LUKE!!!!

Jim Gunn replies: "First of all it's "rap" sheets dumbass, not wrap sheets. Second of all, what purpose would it serve to scare off the young and new to the industry with a criminal background check? Especially for the malicious purpose of humiliating them that you advocate. Those innocent (or not so innocent) youngsters are the kinda people we all want in the movies right?

"By the way... I'm sure you wrote that background check thing yourself, right? Ha ha, since you're pretending an unnamed source wrote that I have taken the liberty to call "them" dumbass."

Luke: "I did not write it. I've never faked an email, of if I have, only once or twice."

Jim: "Getting kinda hard to tell what's real and what's not sometimes Luke. Even to a trained eye. Well then if it wasn't you trying to be funny, then it's a really, really dumb idea."

Lucky Smith Update

XXX: He's off to Freyland in West Palm Beach tomorrow. Taking Juli, Shayla, Keri, and Phaedra lives there. Think they'll be safe? Then they go to Zurich and Copenhagen to shoot for the "Essentially Juli" series for PBTV.

Jim Gunn: "What the hell is your unnamed source talking about? Freyland? That's a total non-sequiter, as the event Lucky and his girls are going to is a live event in a night club in West Palm Beach that I am directing for episode two of a potential pilot series for Playboy TV Sunday night . If you know how big South Florida is, you'll realize that W.P.B. is not anywhere near "Frey City", so to speak, as if that meant anything anyway. Someone trying to manufacture controversy where this is none?"

Who is Fantastic?

Webspy writes: I think your column's very interesting, especially of late with your reports of Metro stock news (is this real or memorex?) and you penchant for digging behind the scenes and revealing the sloppy management in many of the top adult industry organizations. I guess what really puzzles me though is your reluctance to bite the hand that feeds? Who the hell is Fantastic? Are they so squeaky clean you have nothing to comment on? Or do they threaten to erase you if you do? Are they in fact smarter than the rest? Tieing you up and therefore shutting your mouth? Do their leaders dance around like pansies wearing pink chiffon nighties?

Fantastic head Craig Vasiloff denies dancing in pink chiffon nighties.

Luke's Monitor Blows

My 17" $330 (1 yr old) Acer monitor literally caught fire in the back last night when I was booting up my computer. There were sparks and flames (for about ten seconds) and the smell of burning components. There was no damage to my place. I went to Good Guys and bought an HP 15" for $175.

Mathews Plays Hardball

8/12: On his show Hardball last night, Chris Mathews almost threw commentator Dennis Prager off for supposedly making a joke about the Holocaust. The issue was gun control.

Coming back from a commercial break, Prager asked Holocaust survivor and congressman Tom Lantos if the problem in the Holocaust was a lack of gas control or a lack of Nazi control. After Lantos answered, Mathews told Prager that he was about to pull the plug on him for making a joke about the Holocaust. "Don't laugh about gas," said Mathews.

Prager is furious. He says he was making a point, not a joke about the Holocaust. And that Hardball was the rudest he's been treated on any national TV show. And that TV is not a forum to develop ideas. And that iti s no wonder that there is so much anger in America when there are rude TV hosts like Mathews.

I think Mathews was a schmuck but Prager needs to realize that his provocative and incendiary stances at times are going to create such reactions.

Laurie, Prager's assistant, said: What about people who are shouted down on TV, who don't have a national radio show to respond?

Why didn't Prager walk off? He didn't want to look like a pansy who can't take disagreement.

Mathews appears on the cover of the media magazine Content. "Scream TV," reads the cover, "How Chris Matthews built a career on it."

Bill Margold Interview

B Margold: Have set FOXE NINE, at least the Fan Favorite awards part for Oct. 31 in conjunction with Erotioca LA's Halloween party. A newsletter will detail the affair. ELASTIN2: will TT Boy or Luke F-rd be there B Margold: Don't know or care about Ford.T.T. should be as I suspect he'll win his third male honor. ELASTIN2: what ever became of Danyel Cheeks or Tianna Taylor ELASTIN2: i saw Lili Exene last nite B Margold: I was not impressed by the fact that what I told you wound up on Edsel's website. Surely the invasion of privacy must take some sort of common sense here, but...I guess not!!! ELASTIN2: u got that rite B Margold: So what can be done about it??? ELASTIN2: Luke should have his own cable access show ELASTIN2: thought u didnt read Luke's site B Margold: I don't...but I have friends (and enemies) who watch out for me. I guess you get to make a choice about where you stand...or sit.

Luke Loses Wood

Luke had CuteJewishGirl aka Miss Anonymous, his Saturday night - Sunday morning radio date, over for a roll on his floor Wednesday afternoon. But Luke got none.

Later in the day, CJG remembered the roll this way:

Miss A: Luke, I wish you could just put aside your humor for a few moments. You seem to hide behind it. Can't you be "real" for just a few moments? You keep shoving your WOOD into my leg, but how can you expect me to want to do anything to it when you make no effort to be endearing? I do not want to jump your bones and swallow you when you are talking in your Austin Powers voice. Do you not realize how unattractive that is? How childish?

Luke: That scares me.

Miss A: What scares you? To be yourself? To be "real"? What is your problem?

Luke: Argh.....it's the intimacy. Intimacy scares me.

Miss A: Typical man. Is your WOOD gone now?

Luke: It is! It is! Amazing!

Miss A: I love it - I now know how to get rid of the WOOD. Just say "INTIMACY!"

Luke: Yes - it works! Look - it's completely gone!

Miss A: Yes it is. Let's get something straight - you don't get what you if I don't get what I want. I want to be with a "real" man - even if it just cheap meaningless sex. I can't be attracted to you like this. You don't even attempt to touch me in a way that a woman wants to be touched. Ick. You have potential, Luke. I can see it in a quick glimpse in your eyes. But that isn't enough. You have no desire to make me feel good - you are selfish. You just want me to service you. I don't think so - it is you who should be servicing me. Intimacy? What an excuse - a wimpy excuse. I didn't ask for intimacy - I asked for you to be real. If you want to equate the two - fine. You will never experience having me again though - unless you get me drunk and take advantage of me.

Luke: The WOOD is back! Do me Baby! Nice Rack!

Miss A: Argh!!!! Time for me to go. Luke - get off of me. Luke! I am not comfortable in this semi-headstand. LLLLUUUUKKKKKEEEEE!!!!! Get off of me!

Luke: Oh Baby!!!! Feel my WOOD!!!

Later, CJG writes:

So, let's ask your readers out there....

1) Do any of you think there is a human being inside of "Luke F-rd"?

2) If you do, how do you suggest I find that person?

3) If I find him, should I just use him for sex? for foreplay? for nuzzling?

4) If he doesn't exist outside of his personna, should I still just use him for sex? for foreplay? for nuzzling?

5) Can amazing nuzzling be as good as sex?

6) Can foreplay be any good with someone who talks like Austin Powers?

7) Should he lose the "Shtick" and attempt to fulfill my desires? Which, at this point, he has no idea what they are - other then nuzzling.

8) Is Luke a waste of my time? Personally, I think he should get over his fear - otherwise - he might lose his rare chance at sex. And, possibly, a nice friendship that is mutually satisfying.

Whosit replies: To: CJG 1 & 2)Yeah, there's a person there...somewhere...If you read his bio, you'll find that Luke is an isolated individual, and I suspect that the "right person" is going to have to be a bit patient while attempting to figure the guy out...Everything leading up to this point has kind of fed the kind of physical affability you describe of him, from a passionate but emotionally distant father to deep immersion in the porn fantasy world.

3)All of the above.

5)Nuzzling can be damn good, and almost as fulfilling as sex, it's just that you can't make a 8 hour "wall-to-wall nuzzling" tape and expect to make any money doing it. People just won't pay for it, and so all they're exposed to is the sex...If you watch any of the less mainstream porn material out there, you'll find tons of penetration but little foreplay, and what foreplay you do see is so literally ham-fisted it doesn't give a real representation of what that's about. Some would argue that the female oriented porn is different, but where the hell are these movies available?(I'm beginning to sound like NJG, and this is off topic.)

6)Only in porn movies, and even then it's annoying...in reality...Luke man, you've got to be kidding me....Austin Powers? LOL. This leads right into

7)CJG, you're going to have to start telling him what you want to happen, even if it means in detail, and Luke, listen to the girl. It may come in handy with future women of the non-porn persuasion.

8)No, he ain't a waste of time, it's going to have to require some patience from CJG, and an ability to meet her halfway from Luke.

To NJG and MMK: Look guys, does porn affect the imagination to include certain things? Sure it does. Thing is, all of these activities can also be done in the real world in a loving and caring relationship....Ever met women who are truly into fisting? I mean, there are some out there that love it. So in perspective, every hideous kink one can think of can be done in a safe and consensual setting. To bring this back to Woodstock '99, the perpetrators of the sex crimes would have perpetrated the sex crimes whether they had seen porn or not. The fact that they included fisting(I've yet to see reports of this, but I'll take NJG's word for it) adds insult to depravity. It's a matter of having respect for other people and their bodies(on top of being a power trip, etc.), something that the Stupid Obnoxious Drunken f---ing Frat Boys simply did not have.

CJG writes: I am on a roll tonight. This is me playing stupid trying to feel you out from a friend:

T cool hand luke? ford? of course i know him

A cool hand? How do you know him?

T i like him. he likes to try to shock people but we've had some pretty funny conversations

A decent guy though?

T he reads a lot, about jewish stuff, etc. - he converted

A yes - I heard he converted. He is cute ;) T you know about his website, right

A yes-should I be concerned about it?

T i think you'd have fun going out with him

T if i were a girl i'd give him a try.

A ok - maybe I will

T if nothing else you might get some good stories out of the evening - but you both seem to have a pretty sharp intellect so i think you'd have some good convo even if not compatible

A ok - interesting conversation always appeals to me - I can never find enough of it

A:: i overloaded you with emails Luzdedos1: cool A:: I will patiently wait for comments A:: wish you were here right now - I could use some sex Luzdedos1: :) A:: r u laughing yet? Luzdedos1: who did u talk to about me? A:: I'm not saying A:: i don't reveal my sources Luzdedos1: good for u, A:: any other comments? no laughter?

Thursday 1:15PM: A: hey baby A: how's it going? Luzdedos1: cool A: cool? Mr. writer - how about more then a one word response? A: any responses to me writings as of yet? A: Ahahahaha - I am reading the response now - love it! A: Please post" A: response to whosit: A: For the record - I am NOT of the "porn persuasion". thanks for your thoughts. Luzdedos1: :) A: What??? enough of the smiles!!!! the are ridiculously ambiguous Luzdedos1: i'm working, don'thave time for conv A: ok - then just say so - we'll talk some other time then - bye for now Luzdedos1: :) A: just BE HONEST - yeesh Luzdedos1: :)

M. Marcus Killus: This has needed to be said for a while and you and NJG inspired me with tues post. Btw; Here's the scoop on really working over CJG, start at the top LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SEZ, FIND OUT WHAT SHE WANTS, now staying on the head, massage her scalp kiss the face and cheeks, neck, ears (but not too loud the ear cuz it's noisy) then the breast and nipples, firm not hard on the nipples (unless she likes it. she does'nt appear to like it real hard.) cup breast in hands and push up. if you can massage nipples while cupping breast (i have big hands hehehe.) while doing so go down, and with your tougue massage the hood of clit then side to side on the outer lips of vagina,start working the clit (get busy!!! )free one hand (wet fingers) and start gently playing with the vagina rubbing sides of lips insert finger/fingers........ TO BE CONTINUED

Here's what i want to say ditto, Nice Jewish girl and Luke, I absolutely agree that porno has and will indeed mold masculine sexuality. I'll also reiterate something that ive stated in the past, you can bring the average male between adolescence and early 20's raised in the most pacifist environment and in 8 to ten weeks, i can guarantee that he can be made a KILLER of humans in that short interval. It's been done for millennium, and boys made/broken in that same manner has constituted the armys of the pharaohs the legions of rome, and the United States Marine Corps. Ask any veteran. Human sexuality is molded far easier. In fact I'll venture to say that just in the past week alone, there has been hundreds of young males across America in jails and prisons that have abandoned a lifetime orientation in heterosexuality i.e TURNED OUT!!

Fact: most young humans and humans period are so vulnerable that it is very, very, easy to subvert the moral teachings of a lifetime in short order. It takes stuff far less impacting than rob black and max hardcore to undermine human sexuality. I'll personally admit that exposure to pornography altered my sexual approach to women. i can site some of the little hard science in the discipline of psychology; psy/101. In The Milgram experiments there was consistently 2/3 conformity. Let me tell you about a debate i attended in the early 90's at N.Y.U.between a not very good lawyer named jack thompson (jackrag) and Henry Rollins(Black Flag) over censorship. Jackrag thompsons litigation against Luther Campbell of "Too Live Crew" resulted in a historic federal decision (The first government sanctioned censorship of art)

In his defense jackrag stated that he was protecting women from the moral subversion of Luke Campbell's parody of human sexuality. He even went on to state that he was in peticular protecting Black Women. Needless to say i.marcus.killus ripped him a new rectum. He was so incensed after my questions that he had to be restrained when we encountered each other after the debate. As a good lawyer would do i asked him only questions that i knew the answers to. I asked him if there were bump and grind nude dancing in Florida, then if there were massage parlors & and Ho's on the streets of Dade and Broward Countys. Then i asked if there were still porno available in Fla. He answered yes. I went on to elaborate that fisty and beasty porn is available in that state as well. I pointed out that this was activist degradation of women and white women too boot. (vast majority) i also asked him if he knew of Big Black and Iggy Pop(Rich Bitch)

BTW:NJG iggy dedicates that to all the hebrew girls:) i can't resist this line after the dedication of the song. iggy sez "When yo momma aint around to pay yo bills,& yo daddy aint around to buy yo pills, & yo pussys so big like it's bin run thru by a truck, so that every guy that touches you knows YOU REALLY BEEN f---ED!!" Anyway This bleedin asshole pissed me off, so i waited to be the last person to question him by which time he and the audience were having a mutual masturbation fest, mind you this was the cultural / intellectual elite and should have been hammering this guys brain out. The debate had gone to the point that they were talking about there family dysfunction, and he revealed that he had political hopes and that he had lost several elections. I went on to expose Jackrag Thompson as a prostitician (political opportunist i,e. prostitute/politician. he was having an Ol South Political initiation ritual with Luke Campbell. (lynching a Blackman to gain popularity).

I say this because while i share Luke's and NJG's perceptions I'll not sanction censorship. Plus i know a Ho will be a Ho as long as men will drop a buck to get there hardcore jollys. i also believe most of these women (porngirls & the girl next door) have bulls--- and reality confused and don't know the difference between fame and infamy and enter video whoredom with eyes wide shut (sorry,porno is prostitution) i feel that if a girl is mackin (pimping) herself there's honor in prostitution. Like any profession porno/prostitution needs regulation, anybody entering it should have to be deemed mentaly competent, bonded and insured at pornographers expense. These multi millionaire s--- heart pimps need to take responsibility for these vulnerable people they turnout, just like the military.

With the G.I. Bill Any veteran in this country is entitled to a home loan, hiring preferences,hospitalization, school tuition,even Viagra!!!! If a G.I. needs it they can be helped from date of discharge till death, which may come faster if they remain in the V.A. too long. Coal miners,longshoreman,power plant workers, even restaurant workers all have social safety nets.unions and benefits. thats what these Ho's need.

Look Luke it aint every girl that will let a dood bang the grip outta there asshole, pee pee in there mouth, lick numrous hairy assholes and record it for posterity.Any girl that will do this needs the protection of the law of the land. I've told you times too many, now listen up!! THE SCOOP is in the porn veterans.Find them tell there story take it before congress don't censor porno REGULATE IT!!! these hoodlums are divulging not 50% of the money there pimping outta these (i must say, not very bright) Ho's you and i as well as a lot of other guys have a soft spot for these women(as well as a very hard spot )You see these people being exploited and suffering, and if you walk off without helping you'll end up at a public mental health institution with them.

Use your site as a grievance forum for them when there not paid and underpaid, crank up the rumor mill, these turds deserve you .Tell the storys of the ones used like jackrags and discarded.What about Debbie Diamond IS SHE DEAD ? That question was on R.A.M.E for about 6 months. Stop reporting the gossip on the industry thats not what most of us wanna hear about. f--- a Paul Fishbein and geneross. "wit a broken bottle", i don't care about wealthy fagott assed pimps. You aint gotta tell us these pussys are corupt. So chuck martino lost his bitch his benz and his mind, SO f---IN WHAT!!!! He shoulda lost the proper function of his asshole and colon (to some jerri curl wearing crips & bloods in la county jail or prison) like the countless girls he’s turned out,

Look, what attracted you and me, to that industry is pretty girls doing the big nastee,how,why and where, Thats the scoop!! I wanna know about the pristine beauty i saw in my first porn what happened to her life? Expose the real life of the talent.(advocate) Last week i mentioned Candy Apples cuz she was beautiful in that flick Resurrection, was that her debut? (turnout) it was no turnon either.UGH!!! I saw her in a flick dated a year later and she did not look like the same person.She looked dogged out,used up, The only indication was the name on the box cover (is there two candy apples?) Luke you can make it so that any girl/guy coming into this worl o s--- will havta get screened, do a 3 day seminar on it's pros & cons. That would be a plus for the porn industry cuz then only the natural born freaks will go into the business just imagine an industry fulla shades of Debbie Diamond & tammi ann ;) .