An observer: "Juli Ashton and Randy West made an appearance in a skit on "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher." (Friday night 9/18/98) The premise of the skit was Julie and Randy trying out for roles in a new movie being made of the Ken Starr report. Julie and Randy were fresh, fun and did a great job. I laughed my ass off.
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Mark Kramer writes from New York:
Larry Levenson--once famed as The King of Swing--is enveloped by sounds of Gotham’s Saturday night swirl as he holds forth from his regular booth at the Market Diner on 11th Avenue and 43rd St. Once upon a time, Levenson’s orgy club Plato’s Retreat offered the ultimate in on-premise eroticism. Levenson would subsequently suffer a series of reversals---the padlocking of Plato’s, a federal prison stretch, et al--leading to his current occupation as a taxi driver.
Levenson, speaking via cell phone, relives last week’s party “celebrating” the 30th Anniversary of Al Goldstein’s weekly porn tabloid Screw.
The signal carrying Levenson’s voice is commingled with clattering dishes and and the chirp of overcaffeinated nightbirds.
“Back when I had Plato’s, and Al Goldstein had just won his Kansas obscenity case, I donated my club. Free of charge, I gave a party for Al, his friends, his employees, the jurors in the trial....everyone. I regarded Al Goldstein as my friend.
”So here I am at Al’s party last week. I’m with my lady friend Candy deLarouche. We go back a lot of years, back to the swing days. But we’re just good friends...
”As we’re walking in, Al’s Midnight Blue cable-TV camera crew comes over to interview me.. And their question is, “Why does everyone hate Al Goldstein? And I’m like, “I’m not going to say anything negative about Al Goldstein. He invited me to his party and he deserves that courtesy, at the very least. Then Ron Jeremy, who’s the MC, said he’d like to bring me up on stage. He says to Al, “I know you’re going bring Larry up on stage and introduce him.”
And Al says, “This is my party. It’s not Larry’s party.”
I thought he was kidding. I said to him, “You’re kidding, right? You can’t be serious.”
And Al says to me, “This is not your party. This is my party.”
I mean I really thought he was kidding. He wasn’t.
I was mortified. My date was mortified.
I said, “Candy, let’s get the hell out of here.”
We had to walk the whole length of the club, and each step of the way Candy’s coming more and more unglued over this.
Finally, she broke down. She started screaming, “Al Goldstein is a piece of s---! Al Goldstein is a piece of s---!”
I was embarrassed. For her. For myself.
Ron Jeremy was looking down in shock.
I tried to get her out of there. Again and again, she screamed, “Al Goldstein is a piece of s---....”
The arrival of Levenson’s dinner brings our interview to a close, but not before Levenson confirmed reports that the Screw fete unfolded in a nearly celebrity-free zone ornamented with a weary passel of B-listers including Larry Flynt, Professor Irwin “The Foremost Expert” Corey, Candida Royalle, Robyn Bird, and Al “Grandpa Munster” Lewis. No Guccione. No Hefner. No ACLU nabobs.
Summarized The King of Swing: “Goldstein hasn’t got a friend in the world."
From the underground tabloid "The New York Ace"
March 1, 1972
"Al Goldstein's America"
"WHAT DO I STAND FOR? I am committed to nothing save the protection of my own ass and were the F.B.I. to offer a proper stipend I would turn testimony on you quicker than a politician in heat..."
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Luke F-rd appears in the 9/21/98 edition of the Weekly Standard in an essay by Matt Labash on the World Pornography Conference. It's the first time that many of my friends at synagogue have read about me.
"While I am happy for you," writes Frederick Buccolini, "I had some real problems with Matt's self-conscious writing style. It has a pomposity; a similar style Time magazine had during the 80s until they had a realization that everybody needed to go to the dictionary to understand what the f--- they were talking about.
"The irony in the Standard article is that Matt is mocking the academics at the conference yet his turgid prose is trying to appeal to that very same group."
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Videographer Quasarman writes to me:
It seems that every new girl I shoot is toting some useless unemployable schmuck to the set with her. I really believe that the suitcase pimp phenomenon has to be eradicated. I also believe that the following are an excellent criteria for determining who is and who is not a suitcase pimp.
1. You carry your wife/girlfriend's bags from the car to the set.
2. You regularly watch your wife/girlfriend get f---ed by a guy who isn't you.
3. At the end of a scene you hand your wife/girlfriend a towel so that she may wipe away a faceful of semen that was not put there by you.
4. You're presently "in between jobs" but soon your wife/girlfriend will not have to support your incredibly inept and unskilled ass any longer.
5. You are your wife/girlfriend's "manager" and so she will support your incredibly inept and unskilled ass indefinitely.
6. You enjoy all the money your wife/girlfriend makes but sometimes at night when you really think about it you get jealous of all the men she is f---ing who aren't you. So you smack her a couple of times, apologize the next day promising it will never happen again and then you do it again the following weekend.
8. You have tried being in scenes with your wife/girlfriend but for some strange reason your penis doesn't work when a camera comes around.
9. Without your wife/girlfriend, you would be standing in line for a bowl of warm soup and a blanket.
I feel that anyone meeting the above criteria should, as soon as is convenient, blow their f---ing useless heads of with a shotgun and donate their organs to people who aren't complete and total manipulative bloodsuckers.
Montdlaw replies: "This gentleman doesn't seem to understand how much most of these porn girls need and like this type of guy. If all the suitcase pimps obliged and wiped themselves out like lemmings, the porn girls would simply train and deploy a whole new crop. It might take a week.
"Every creature has it's place. Blaming abusive loser's for filling the abusive looser niche is kind of pointless."
Husband of Heavenly Leigh, Blake, writes: "To Videographer:One ass whole I carry my wife's bags because I am gentleman and that is what a gentleman should do for his wife/girlfriend.And two I do all of my wife's bookings because I don't trust the f---ing agents in this business they all f--- there talent or worse so its my job to look after my wife you f--- head!!!(Rob is the only agent to be trusted)And three there are allot of girlfriend/boyfriendes in this business that both work in the business that beat each other up all the time but I see you fell to talk about that's f--- head what you are saying is its ok for guys that work in the business to beat up there girlfriends that are also in the business.And four it is hard to get hard around f---ing ass wholes like you watching all the time and that brings up another thing what the f--- do you think you are doing ass whole getting a hard on for some one who would never f--- you any way!!!And five you don't know anything about the guys that come with there wife's and frankly its non of your business I make more money in a week then you make in a month f--- head I own 1000 acres of farm land in Ohio so don't judge any one unless you know that person dick head.So lets sum this up another f---ing ass whole in porn who knows nothing but thinks he knows it all that is the phenomenon that is going on in porn f--- HEAD!!!I hope we meet on some set so I can set you straight we can do it the easy way or the hard way I don't give a f---!!!!!!!!"