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Tuesday, June 5th, 2001

Additions To The Luke F-rd Tour

Confucy writes: You must contact the owners of Graveline Tours and pick their brains. They have one of the most popular tours on the Westside of L.A. Graveline use to make a potty stop at the park across the street from Aaron Spelling's mansion.

You could drive your van into the parking lot of West Hollywood's Pleasure Chest store so people could rush in and pick up one of the most popular vibrators of this century, "the mini- massager G2 Pocket Rocket!"

Drive the van to Black's Beach in Torrance so the tourists can take pictures of nude bathers.

Slowly cruise Sweetzer Avenue in West Hollywood so hookers can give their calling cards to the van occupants.

Take along signed copies of your book to sell to your van-fans.

Keep a large supply of Kodak $10 throw-away-cameras in the back of the van which you can resell at double the price.

Call Heidi Fleiss and tell her when you will be driving by so she can wave from her front yard. She can have a supply of her sexy "Heidi Wear" ready to sell, and the two of you can split the profits.

The word is that Kyle Bradford bought a house on the westside. Make sure you drive by so he can sell his signed pictures, which of course, a percentage will go to the Luke F-rd Fund.

Finally, drive down Lincoln Boulevard in Venice and stop at one of the hole-in-the-wall crappy looking stores with black curtains in front of the doorway. Your group can go to the back of the store and watch live sex shows.

Luke Talks About Himself

I got a call this afternoon from myTalmud teacher, Rabbi XXX who wanted to know if I was ok... I've missed class since last Thursday... I feel really nurtured by that... I want to be belong to a family, and I don't mind being the bad rebellious child, so long as I still belong to the family...

While under the weather, I'm taking the time to just enjoy some literature... I'm listening to a couple of tapes of Robert Browning's poetry, and I just reread one of my favorite Phillip Roth novels, The Professor Of Desire...

Skoonj writes: You thank God (excuse me, don't you mean G-d? Jews aren't supposed to write the whole word!) several times a day that you were not born a woman. And no I don't. Why would I? About half the population is men, the other half women. A flip of the coin. Somebody had to be a woman! I attach no superiority, certainly not moral, to men over women. Or women over men. Had I been born a woman I doubt I would consider it a tragedy. You would? Why?

Luke replies: I'm just glad that I am a man.

Skoonj writes: Wait a second. I'm just glad I'm a man is NOT the same thing as thanking God you weren't born a woman. One is an appreciation of your being, of what you are. The other is saying there is something inferior about what you might have been but aren't. You do see a difference, don't you, Luke? If "I'm just glad I'm a man" is your correct position, then fine, I understand that. Even if it is a tad at variance with the minion's prayer.

Luke replies: Thanking God that I was not born a woman is equivalent to thanking God that I was born a man. You're either one or the other.

Skoonj replies: Actually, it isn't. But if you want to score points with the Rabbi at the next schul, ask him to explain it. Chances are he'll say something like you must thank G-d you were not born a woman, because if you were, we would have no minion. Women cannot be a part of a minion. Am I close?

Luke replies: I have studied this. Men and women, as well as priests, Levites and Israelites all have different roles in Judaism, as do adults and children. Judaism is totally into separation. The Sabbath is different from the secular part of the week, people are of a different value than animals, human and the divine are different, and yes, Jews and Gentiles are different. Women can't fulfill a man's role to create a prayer quorum (minyan) anymore than a man can fulfill the things that only a woman is allowed to do in Judaism. Everyone has unique and special roles that others can't fulfill.

Dianna confesses: Several times a day I pray, "Thank you, God, for not making me be Luke F-rd." I may not be as good looking as Luke F-rd, or as successful as Luke F-rd, or even as masculine as Luke F-rd, but neither am I gullible, narcissistic and constantly dating women who don't want me. Nor am I fixated on a religion that would burn me at the stake if what I they found out .what I did for a living. Of course, if I HAD been born Luke F-rd, one thing wouldn't have changed: I'd still be totally obsessed with Luke F-rd.

Should Luke Grow Up?

Rumdar writes Luke: Careful buddy. It is the same load of rubbish in another wrapper. Women are punched out from identical cookie cutters. There is not the slightest variation. "Growing up" to them means marriage, mortgage, two genius children, a couple of SUVs, little or no sex and community property (90% for her the dregs for you). I am reminded of an incident several years ago when I was under the usual threat to my freedom and prosperity."Marry me or I'll leave" she said..... I was enjoying a tasty LEOS breakfast with a confidant. He spoke words of wisdom. "Marry that woman and you won't be eating breakfast here on weekends, you'll be waiting tables".

Strident Feminist Bitch writes the Lucky Woman who escaped from RUM: Careful sister. It is the same load of rubbish in another wrapper. Men are punched out from identical cookie cutters. There is not the slightest variation. "Growing up" to them means marriage, mortgage, someone to pick up after them, a couple of SUVs, little or no sex and community property (90% for him, the dregs for you). I am reminded of an incident several years ago when I was under the usual threat to my freedom and prosperity."Marry me or I'll leave" he said..... I was enjoying a tasty LEOS breakfast with a confidant. She spoke words of wisdom. "Marry that man and you won't be eating breakfast here on weekends, you'll be waiting tables".

Once Again, Porn Proves Its Greed And Addiction

GREGORY BOWMAN WRITES: Robert [Lombard], As a matter of record, Luke decided to apply the "XXXPorner" to my first letter, not I. When responding I asked that he identify me as the person who wrote the previous article you referred to....its obvious I have nothing to hide or I would not have put my address now would I. I HIDE FROM NO ONE.

[Robert Lombard responds: RESPECT YOU FOR THAT. NOT LIKE OTHERS WHO COMMUNICATE OPINIONS ETC. UNDER 'SECRET NAMES'.]

As for being jilted or heartbroken, you are mistaken. A learning experience? yes. nothing more. My anger is not misdirected Mr. Lombard, I still think you are a gaseous bag of bulls--- who has been caught up in his own lies that he is something more than a porn profiteer. It brings back memories of the story of the Emperors New Clothes.

[Robert responds: AGAIN YOU'RE OPINION. STILL, I AM SORRY TO READ AND FEEL THE ANGER AND RESENTMENTS YOU HARBOR. ALSO THE MAJORITY OF MY INCOME IS FROM THE R RATED LATE NIGHT PROGRAMMING WORLD. WORKING WITH ADULT TALENT HAS BEEN TO PROVIDE OTHER OPPORTUNITIES OTHER THEN HAVING ACTUAL SEX ON CAMERA.]

Mr Lombard, you reply with the "truth" and ramble on a list of porn actresses that you know for a fact are clean and sober. When asked to step up to the mat with a genuine offer of truth, your truth becomes shadowed by sidestepping the issue all together. You then push the blame onto me asserting I should use my money to help the supposed "sober" women you report. You just don't make sense. If your convictions are true, you would gladly accept the money to "help" addicted women in porn. You are the one profiting from them; lets see you donate all your profits to a drug rehab center for porn talent.

[Robert responds: THIS WAS NOT ABOUT PUSHING BLAME TO ANYONE. YES, I MAKE MONEY FROM ADULT TALENT.]

Notice, Mr Lombard, that I have no professional talent agency behind my name, nor do I pad my pockets from exploiting talent. I do not post at www.porngossip.com like you of your new venture and casting call for talent stating that your company will be the best porn has to offer.

[Robert responds: I AM A 'FREELANCE' CASTING DIRECTOR THAT WAS GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY.]

You, sir, are merely advertising like the pathetic real estate agent who hands me their card while in line at the bank. You want your fame and fortune like every addictive person in porn......you bask in the glory that is your own bulls--- and you pamper yourself with accolades no better than a pig lavishing an afternoon mudbath. The bottom of the barrel is looking down at you.

[Robert responds: SO BE IT! GREGORY, WE SHOULD MEET SOMEDAY. YOU WILL SEE THAT I AM NOT YOU'RE TYPICAL DESCRIPTION OF WHAT YOU SO WANT AND FEEL ALL OF US TO BE. THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS IN EVERY WALK OF LIFE.]

You, a self admitted addict confess, "WE can NEVER figure out the addicted mind". I have never figured out why I became an alcoholic or addict" How then, Mr. Lombard, do we expect to believe what you say if one never can figure out the addicted "mine" (Freudian slip?) You have already mislead us with your UNTRUE letter rebuffing my statements. Further you hide when confronted. Typical for an addict.

[Robert responds: YOU VERY CONFUSED AND ANGRY OVER SOMETHING. I TRY EACH AND EVERY DAY TO BE A BETTER PERSON. IF ONE CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT AND FEEL THEY HAVE DONE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE THEN RESPECT THAT PERSON(S) FOR DOING SO. CURIOUS: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?]

Now you stand mightily on your AA soapbox preaching that you are the new Messiah brought here to reform the adult industry with "integrity and ethics. You state: "I stand by the reputation I have built with the Adult Talent and will continue to do my BEST and provide an atmosphere of integrity, ethics and respect." You are a contradiction, and a panderer. Not a very good one at that.

[Robert responds: I DON'T STAND ON A SOAPBOX. I AM JUST ONE PERSON TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE AS A DECENT HUMAN BEING.]

You remind me of the cigarette commercials saying how wonderful they are building orphanages and saving the environment. You propound on what a wonderful guy you are and expect us to swallow your swill like country bumpkins. Maybe we should get you tested for mind altering drugs too!

[Robert responds: I WILL PEE IN A BOTTLE ANY DAY OF THE WEEK! TEST WILL COME BACK CLEAN.]

You are nothing more than a profiteer of porn. Maybe the sweat sock you use to jack off into is cleaner than some, but at the end of the day you still worry about making YOUR money off misguided emotionally underdeveloped and troubled talent.

[Robert responds: THANKS FOR THE SWEAT SOCK COMMENT:-] I HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED THE EMOTIONALLY UNDERDEVELOPED AND TROUBLED TALENT. THE ONES THAT I HAVE CAST IN PRODUCTIONS DON'T FALL UNDER THAT CATEGORY.]

Do you test all your talent for drugs, Mr Lombard? I would really like to know. If they tested positive would you not hire them? Please clarify for all of us your position on this. Once again, I am offering you a way out of the hyperbole you have contrived. Again, my bet is you will sidestep this issue. Readers......watch your screens carefully.

[Robert responds: NO, I DON'T TEST TALENT FOR DRUGS, AND YES IF THEY TESTED POSITIVE I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE CASTING THEM IN SOMETHING.]

You preach of integrity and how proud you are, Mr Lombard, yet you sidestep the issues brought before you, you misstate the facts then cower when confronted, you redirect the issue without relevance, and you self glorify yourself without basis.

What part of PORN PEDDLER don't you understand? Do you stand up at your AA meetings and announce "My name is Robert, Im an alcoholic and a porn producer"? "But IM an ETHICAL porn peddler" HONEST! Hail me!! I am God! And Im here to help those addicted to porn and drugs.... Who is your sponsor?? Jim Baker?

[Robert responds: IF PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT I DO I TELL THEM. HOWEVER, I DO NOT PRODUCE PORN. YOU ARE A FELLOW MEMBER OF AA THEN YOU WOULD KNOW.]

Put up or shut up and SIT DOWN with the other self professing grandeur of porn profiteers and take off that silly Napoleon Hat..............you just look STUPID.

[Robert responds: GREGORY, WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT THE WORLD? CALL ME. LETS TALK.]

Your delusions are once again a reminder and further support of the ills that are the porn industry and you have done such a great job looking like the total jackass..........The Parasite of Porn, telling everyone how grand and "ethical" he is. The literal translation of SIN, Mr Lombard, is to miss the mark. You Sir, have missed it terribly.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Robert Lombard, the man who will single-handedly save us all while producing pornography for the betterment of women and addicts. Next you will tell us your "talent agency" will bring low cost power to the State of California.

[Robert responds: THANKS FOR THE INTODUCTION, BUT I CAN NOT SINGLE-HANDELY SAVE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. I CAN JUST DO MY JOB WITH INTEGRITY AND ETHICS. I STAND BY THAT. YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY MR. BOWMAN. GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME 310.652.8250. YOU ARE ONE INTERESTING INDIVIDUAL.]

YOU WANT THE TRUTH, YOU GOT IT! ONCE AGAIN THE GREAT SUCKING SOUND CAN BE HEARD FROM ROBERT LOMBARDS OFFICE, THE SAVIOR OF PORN. nathans_parable@yahoo.com

Robert Lombard writes AGAIN..Gregory Bowman aka XXXPorner. This is becoming unproductive and taking UP too much of my time and Mr.Ford's time. It is American and WE all have a right to OUR opinions. I think the next phase of you're life, that seems to be DEDICATED to hatred, anger and resentments towards any one who is involved with the Adult Industry, is to find some inner peace and start the recovery process in regards to you're issues. Gregory, my newfound cyber friend, I give you a couple of words. "FAITH"...For YOU this should mean..'F' is for "Facing" 'A' is for "An" "I" is for "Inner" 'T' is for "Truth" 'H' is for "Heals". FAITH will help you face an inner truth that will heal ALL you're anger and resentments. If this doesn't help and you continue wanting to feed you're anger and resentments then I will give you something to think about and help with the recovery process when dealing with this horrible deep seeded anger. "FEAR" is about False Evidence Appearing Real, Face Everything And Recover, f--- Everything And Run. I REMEMBER sometime back when you spilled you're heart out over Ms. Silver. It is TIME to take ACTION(Any Change To Improve Our Natures) and LET GO. YOU surely now say what a "gaseous bag of s---"..so be IT! So next time I am in the bank and the real estate agent hands me his card...YOU will be in my thoughts. And YES a smile of understanding will appear. WHY? Because I will be 'thankful' that I am not carrying such a HEAVY burden of Anger and Resentment. That is a HEAVY load to carry my friend. May the clouds over you're head disappear and allow the sun to shine on you're face :-]]

Greg Bowman responds: How nice of you to extend your hand thinking I am so angry but I can assure you Im happy. That thorny paw has long since healed but you are a gentleman for offering.

As far as what I do for a living? I was blessed with having been in the right place at the right time and working hard in my younger years. To wear one hat would be hard because of my many interests but I am involved in real estate investments, I currently hold title in mining and transportation interests, I dabble in growing wine grapes and raising ostriches for meat and leather goods. But my greatest reward comes from giving back by spending my time in humanitarian efforts globally.

You must be laughing by now, given my harsh words of late. But believe me, I do care. I am glad for your conviction and positive outlook in your career path and certainly do not think badly of you personally; I am sure, as with most, you must maintain that persona of being a positive player in the field. I certainly can understand your posturing. And all of this from my assertion that many in porn are addicted in some way. You countered with the fact that this is not the case. I know of the drug use; you wish to believe its not true. We both share the hope.

I strive for truth, Mr. Lombard, even if it means stepping on toes or possibly hurting feelings; I have always voiced a posture of "SAFETY and CONCERN" vs Profit at Risk. Albeit put in a harsh format, my issues are not unlike yours. If I am wrong; I would surely admit it. It is a shame that you would deny the opportunity to prove this by my offer.

I understand that as an agent, it would be counterproductive to "assert" that your vested clients are involved in drugs. Unfortunately, many turned away and didnt want to see the reality of the many who have died from addiction in your industry. John Belushi being just one of many.

The beast that is the adult film industry consumes the identity of its talent more so than the mainstream field for the addictive personality seeks out porn; the statistics are shocking. The self abuse is staggering. It has been said. "talents life's tragedies are not the result of porn; their involvement in porn is the result of their life's tragedies". I certainly would have loved to have wished Marilyn Monroe happy birthday this week..........she was a true love of mine, even if we never had the chance to meet. And all for what? Her manager knew of her addiction....it was clear in her final movie never released.

I am mad, Mr. Lombard, for the inhumanity and uncaring nature that is the entertainment field. Im mad that, as much as anyone can try, it will never change....as someone said........THATS ENTERTAINMENT. May you make your mark in this world as the agent who cared enough to fight; and I hope I have, just for this moment in time, opened your eyes a bit more....just that very bit to be open....and look for the warning signs in those you work with. I can assure you that some have problems. I hope you'll be there for them.

And maybe, just maybe, you will remember the day that some pompous ass lashed out at you.......maybe you will walk with a bit more awareness and not take for granted those things that bless our lives. I bid you peace and happiness; and thank you for having the courage and frame of mind to at least voice your thoughts...........while ducking my bullets. I'll make sure to keep an eye on you Mr Lombard, I hope you live up to your words.

Porn Gossip

According to BigDoggie.net, a former Vivid girl will flip tricks in Chicago this week for $2500 an hour.

One poster says retired porn star Kimberly Kummings is busy taking care of a young kid, and working at a dotcom in L.A.

Support Group For Porn Stars?

ICS writes on RAME: A number of recent posts have criticized the antics of: Extreme Associates (Bob Black?) Richard Ramirez story Max Hardcore and others who seem to be psychotically into degradation, humiliation and abuse.

I am speculating that a lot a women in porn don't have strong support groups or whatever it takes to file charges against some of these guys. After all, filing charges and pursuing them probably means the end to a career in porn.

Is there any sort of fund, support group, etc., that will help a starlet if she wants to bring charges? Jewel DeNyle was given a bloody nose and someone else was punched in the stomach ? I think that's assault.

Mainstream productions probably have all sorts of insurance policies in case of accidents, but if not, I'm sure someone would go to court. (Helicopter crash while making Twilight Zone? Brandon Lee shot while filming Crow?) If there was a "witness protection program" or "victimms' fund", Ashcroft wouldn't have to do a thing. The stars would do the policing.

Arch Stanton writes on RAME: How hard was she [Jewel] punched in the stomach? Im sure before the scene a discussion was held to bring a sense of realism to the film and so Im sure Jewel agreed to go along. Consent. But where is that line? How hard does the punch have to be before some law is broken. Oops. Sorry. Didn't mean that. Got carried away. What would be more clearcut is if an actress says "stop no more" and action continues against her wishes. That's a clearcut violation but it's her word against others. I recall reading about how on a Bobby Hollander set Jamie Gillis virtually raped a gal on film. In fact, the editor Andrew S. Roberts was on the set and verified this. It would have been interesting if charges were brought in that case. Is that video scene still available? My guess would be no.

Whipcord No More

Concerned writes: What's the deal with Gene Ross? Just nine short months ago he was a strapping Adonis. Then he joins Extreme and WHAM! Just look at him now! I really think Rob Black and Tom Byron made a huge tactical error when they located the Extreme Associates headquarters so close to an Arbys.

Will Broadband Encroach On TV?

CAMBRIDGE, England, June 5 /PRNewswire/ -- The idea that broadband Internet will encroach upon the world of TV and become a major media delivery service is no longer sustainable, warns Analysys, the advisors in telecoms and new media (www.analysys.com ).

In its new report Interactive Consumer Broadband: Sex, Sport and Shopping?, Analysys suggests that telecoms operators (TOs) and Internet service providers (ISPs) will delude themselves if they cling to the hope that rich media entertainment will deliver them substantial revenues.

Pornography is one of the very few areas where broadband Web content will pay. For some adult content providers, such as Private Media, the promise of the Internet as an ideal delivery mechanism is already delivering margins higher than offline alternatives. This success, however, presents service providers with a dilemma: they want the traffic and revenues, but not the negative associations with public perceptions of pornography.

If I Was A Gonzo Director

Gemini_06@webtv.net (Gemini 06) wrote on RAME.net: >If I was a gonzo director, I would ask the new girl sitting on the bed >all the right questions before she undressed.

Pat Riley adds: I presume you mean a debutante-type subset of gonzo, nonetheless for once reel-to-mint-luden-swedish-ball-fish-twins-gemini999 has come up with a reasonable topic.

>1. How old are you?
>2. What is your exact date of birth?

To which lattara complained: >Why would I as a viewer - as opposed to an SFB - care about her >birthday (except conceivably if she's turned 18 that day which is, I >guess, of interest)?

Pat Riley responds: You might not but don't SFB's have rights too? However there are other reasons to ask the question:

1) calculate if the age and the exact date of birth indicate: a) she's lying b) she's too stupid to know her own birth date and/or age

2) determine if the scene has been lying in the vaults for so long it's moldy.

3) be equipped to argue with John (the guy who posts those lists of birthdays) or voyager.

>3. How tall are you?

>4. How much do you weigh?

>5. What are your measurements?

Pat Riley adds: Hmmm. The problem here is that the girls (everybody in the porn industry really) have a penchant for lying. Even if it's not in their interest they'll lie anyway just to keep in practice. Further these girls frequently say that they don't know their measurements so at that point our competent (obviously this is a dream I'm having) gonzo debutante director will walk them over to the height rod, scales, and tape measure kept in the corner of the luxurious set these guys work out of.

Lattara as usual complained (in part): > If it floats your boat to know this stuff >then fair enough, but as far as I can see it's irrelevant info that >delays the sex.

Riley adds: Do you suffer from droopus erectus or some similar malady? If the girl is not sucking dick within 10 seconds of appearing, you lose interest. Talk about low attention span!

And Pam commented: >Certainly not age, sexm height or weight, color! We can see all that > for ourselves.

Riley adds: You can? How old is Violet Blue, then? You can only tell height in relation to a known person or object and then only if the girl is standing next to them/it. That's not always the case and results in nasty surprises later on. As to color, there's lots of argument about the exact color of various males so the same would apply to females.

>6. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

>7. How old was the lucky guy?

Riley adds: And what was it like? Did you have fun? Were you drugged up/drunk at the time. Was it your decision or did it just happen? How much torture did you put the guy through before you finally gave in (expressed more delicately)? What were your subsequent relations with the guy? Follow up on the idea that girls always remember the first time.

>8. Where were you born?

Lattara again: >The Immmigration dept may be watching, she won't say? :-)

Pat Riley adds: Maybe, maybe not. In one of the recent Elegant Angel movies Karl Kincade (a pom) admits to Mark Anthony that he's an illegal immigrant. Some follow up questions along the lines of "Do you live in constant fear of being caught by the INS?" would be appropriate. Don't forget that for once in their miserable little lives these girls are getting attention, so you may well be the subject of a lot more information than you needed to know.

>9. What is your racial make-up?

Riley adds: Well, ethnic background. Despite the comments of lots of lefties, the girls seem to know exactly what is required here.

>10. What nationality or nationalities are you?

>11. Have you ever been with a White guy before?

Lattara in his arrogance replies: >Who cares? (Sorry, forgot a lot of you 'Merkins seem to set great >store by such info, but beyond my being able to see that's she's >White, Indian, East Asian, Black or whatever I don't really care >beyond natural curiosity. It won't affect my viewing pleasure).

Riley adds: And you think we make these movies for the poms? Up until a few months ago you weren't even allowed to watch them. Now you think you should tell us what should be in the interview just because it doesn't accord with your PC world view. Personally I wouldn't want to dirty my dick screwing a black girl and as for the Indo-Pakis isn't there a burning sensation due to their ingestion of too much curry?

>12. Do you swallow?

Riley adds; Milk, coffee, soda, beer? Of course she swallows! What a stupid question.

>13. Do you like anal sex?

And RWFYKE added: >14. How old are your illegitimate children? And has the court taken > away custody yet?

Well, first you should establish how many she has and when she had them.

>15. How drunk were you when you got those seven tattoos?

And what does each tattoo represent. (Camera should give us a nice clear shot so I can record it for posterity or at least until she changes her name.) If the tattoo is a name, whose name is it and what was his/her history? Felony has an interesting set on her tailbone but unfortunately no one has questioned her about it.

>16. How do you manage to die the roots of your lovely orange/blonde > hair black?

Or equally insulting: Does your dog groomer give you a discount if you bring in Fido at the same time as you're getting a cut?

>17. How long has it been since your suitcase, er, manager worked> a real job?

Maybe beforehand one should enquire as to her marital status and have her describe how hubby feels about her taking it up the butt from ten guys in an Anabolic gang bang. Explore in depth. Use a flashlight if necessary .

>18. Do you find the gray in my greasy pony tail sexy?

19. Do you masturbate? When was the last time?

20. When was the last time you had intercourse with a male? How many times in the last (say) six months? How many guys have you screwed in your life? How many have you been paid for? How many times have you had more than one guy in the same (say) two hour period? Eight hour period? At the same time?

21) Have you ever been arrested? If so for what? Describe.

22) Is your natural father still living with your mother? If not what happened to him?

23) How many times did you move house/home in the period from when you were (say) five until eighteen.

>If you were a gonzo director, what questions would you ask a new girl >before she undressed?

Well, maybe after she undressed just to give lattara something to ogle while we go through the boring part.

And from the Anonymous Pervert (resequenced): >Actually, one question I'd ask is "What other modeling have you done >and for whom?" - give the girl a chance to plug herself (no pun >intended) and her porn career/website etc. How many times have I seen >a new girl on one of those series and wondered what else she's done >(so I can immediately go out and buy/download all of it of course)

Hopefully she hasn't done too much otherwise she wouldn't be in this type of movie but it's a valid point. Also shows how compos mentis she is.

>The most annoying thing about those videos (for me at least) is having >to hit the fast forward button to fast forward through all the >claptrap, especially when it's some dirty old man chatting her up and >the whole thing makes you kind of vaguely sick.

In most cases the interview portion is the interesting part of the girl's scene; the sex is usually boring especially with the dirty old man (I presume you're referring to Ed). Case in point is Aspen Brock in MDD #102 where she discusses at length her problems as a child and the abuse. Get these girls to open up and it's almost as good as watching Montel, eh reel-to-Gemini-whatever?

Bugs Bunny and the Jews

Chaim Amalek writes: The Jew-run Cartoon Network recently aired "all" of the Bugs Bunny cartoons, save a dozen that were deemed too offensive for our sissyfied times. Of course, like most decent Americans, I now feel a desperate craving to see exactly these dozen cartoons. Do you or any of your sleazy copyright-disrespecting friends know where on the web one might be able to go to view these in the privacy of our own homes?

New Tour Explores L.A.'s X-Rated Movie Scene

(Wireless Flash) -- Los Angeles tourists who want to bone up on the adult film industry will soon have their chance.

An adult motion picture journalist named Luke F-rd is offering something called "Porn Valley Tours" -- tours of L.A.'s erotic landmarks.

Some of the lewd landmarks on the tour include the spot where porn star Savannah shot herself in 1994, and the World Modeling Agency, where various aspiring adult film stars go for their big breaks.

Some tour groups may also visit actual porn film sets, which Ford says "can be a turn-on for the first four times or so."

The Porn Valley Tours will officially begin June 25 and will cost $25 a pop.

Ford plans on giving the first tours himself, but, if successful, he hope to hire scantily clad tour guides as soon as possible.

Fred writes: Sir, I fear this may turn out to be a big mistake. You are going to receive zillions of phone calls (probably about 1/3 of them crank calls, and about 1/3 by people who belong in psychiatric institutions). These calls will come in all day long and all hours of the night.

Then again, who knows--maybe you can rent a van, charge $100, and make a few bucks. And who knows--maybe this is how you will meet the woman of your dreams. As a practical matter, could you put together a tour of porn valley that would work? Or is everything too spread out?

Helpful writes Luke: Do it. Then spin it to Entertainment Tonite, The Daily Show, and The Man Show. $25!! Can you get a gentile the wholesale price?

Rumdar writes: Levi, Let us not forget one thing. You are a media whore. So feeling like a media whore is only natural. But, you are a bargain basement media whore. What the hell can anyone buy for $25 bucks these days? I think you stumbled onto something. Rent a school bus, charge 50 or 75 beanies (maybe $100) a shot and do it up big. Hire Nice Jewish Girl and Lynne Straisand as your sidekicks. Make it a P. T. Barnum thing. There is a porn trollop born every minute. Better cut Jimmy D in on the action. Especially if you intend to visit his sets where porn harlots will be fornicating. I see lots of possibilities here. Good luck.

Chaim Amalek writes: Hey all you porners! Do you need a porn consultant who can "think out of the box"? Well look no further. For very reasonable rates (payment in trade accepted), Chaim Amalek can be put on the job. Contact him through Luke F-rd

Luke's Vagina-Phobia

Curious writes: I don't get it. Why do you always put those stupid white boxes over your photo subjects vaginas? If you feel nudity violates the Torah at least put that wasted space to work! (BTW How come you don't censor penises in the same way?)

Luke answers: Once again a secular reductionist equates my moral struggle with psychological angst. Is my opposition to homosexuality mere homophobia? No, it is a theological stand rooted in the moral imperative to be found in the Book of Leviticus. Is my dedication to keeping l-keford.com a family friendly wholesome site mere vagina-phobia? No, it is just one plank in my platform of artfully using porn girls to seduce people into Orthodox Judaism.

Dianna scoffs: Luke, no sane people would ever be seduced into Orthodox Judaism by porn girls. The men would be reminded of what they'd have to give up; the women would be reminded of how awful it is to be an Orthodox Jewish woman -- scorned, vilified and derided, just like porn girls.

Ok, Did I Spot Them All? Amalek Reads The Papers

JMT writes: Geez, you should have a contest to spot how many times the author of this piece says "Jew bastard" in code -- winner to receive the Cheyenne Silver pic without your damnable white box, and a free space on the inaugural Luke F-rd Pornography Van tour (an idea I urge you to revisit, now that you have managed to piss away the radio show).

Chaim Amalek writes: Here's an article on Ben from the May 19, 2001 edition of the British newspaper The Independent:

EN SILVERMAN (JEW name) was just another pushy (i.e., prototypically JEWISH) American with a fondness for quaint sitcoms when he arrived to woo (CORRUPT - what the Jews are best at) the British television industry.

But five years later, as Survivor, The Weakest Link and Millionaire score big hits in the United States, he is the agent's agent (i.e., the Jews' Jew), the man industry insiders credit with selling (out) our most popular programmes to his fellow countrymen (just as Dreyfus sold out France to Germany).

"Would it have happened anyway? Probably says Rupert Dilnott-Cooperchief executive of Carlton International. But did happen because him." (Blame the jew) "He was very young, very enthusiastic and he refused to take no for an answer (PUSHY JEW). He would literally drag people to meetings (REALLY pushy jew). He found his way through every corporation (mole-jew). It wasn't a hostile environment (we gentiles were ill prepared for his kind). People were beginning to realise that we had to do better internationally. And it's always been necessary to have a middleman." (JEWJEWJEWJEW)

What he did was spot the good ideas and then package them (parasitic middle-man jew) for America, in some cases putting together the concept, the producers and even the stars (jew pimp). With his energy and contacts (such is the corruptive power of this cursed race), he helped the BBC sell The Weakest Link (that would be the white gentile) and Charlie Parsons, one of the original Planet 24 partners, to sell Survivor (which was a British idea, even though the US got to see it first).

In 1999, he returned to New York (the new Jewrusalem) where Granada still use him as their point of contact. It has just sold several shows to the US, including The Royle Family, which is to be re-made as The Kennedys. But the company has also been ransacking (what jews do) its vaults (jews hang out in vaults) and has just sold the rights to The Krypton Factor, the challenge show which has not beenseen on British television for a decade.

Mr Silverman's approach was different from British agents who traditionally represented the talent but not normally the corporations. And he was very, very pushy. (JEWJEWJEWJEWJEW)

"To be honest, he was a complete pain in the arse, " said one television insider. "But Idon't think there was anyone who didn't like him." (Just because his kind killed Jesus is no reason to gas them all.)

Mr Silverman was born to the entertainment business (well, he is a Jew, right?), the son of a composer and a singer (prostitute) and theatre producer (jewish queer). He joined the William Morris Agency (jews and hollywood queers) in 1995 and was sent to London a year later with a brief to find new entertainment (jewish pimp and culture thief).

JMT writes: Chaim only missed a couple:

" . . .fondness for quaint sitcoms" = Jew schmaltz

"People were beginning to realise that we had to do better internationally" = "Get a Jew; look how well they do with the global zionist banking conspiracy"

In the absence of other entrants, I recommend you announce that he is the winner.

P.S. Is the first tour really going to be June 25, or could you not even be bothered to change that when you cut and pasted the old column? And are you going to drop this "media only" crap? If you actually get *any* media to show up, they're going to want actual customers on hand to interview. ("'Bob,' who requested that we not use his real name, is 38 and says he rents 3-4 porn videos per week. He signed up for the tour "so that I could meet some porn chicks," but his irritation is evident when Ford announces "and coming up on our right, next to the check cashing place, is the deli where Vinnie the Duplicator eats lunch.")

Maxicare Health Coverage For Porn Stars

About fifty porn stars have health insurance with Maxicare, recently in the news.

Greg Zeboray writes: As of today June 4th, the State Of California and Maxicare have reached an agreement on Maxicare's bankruptcy filing, meaning it is - until further notice - business as usual for our members covered by Maxicare. Please read www.zeboray.com to learn exactly what is occurring.

Fred writes Luke: Tell me, would you buy health insurance from a company that has filed for bankruptcy?

On another note, Lord Peter Luther Christian kills me. I still get a chuckle out of the whirring blades and the hip hop music at the abortion clinic. Did you recycle that the same post from a couple of years ago, or is Lord Christian back among the living?

Rumdar writes: Luke..It is great having Lord Peter Christian back. Now if we could only find Mohammed of Mecca, Tunis, and Saudi Arabia it would be like the old days.

Chaim Amalek writes: Unless I am mistaken (could be early symptoms of Alzheimer's), that entire block of text was lifted from the previous year. Mr. Ford has gone into reruns. Next thing you know he will be talking about that fancy-pants jewish woman he met while in Israel.

Helpful writes: l-keford.com World Exclusive: JAPS ATTACK PEARL HARBOR! IT'S WAR!

Curious writes: Didn't Dear Abby get busted for reruns a while back too?

Chaim Amalek writes Luke: I don't know about the OBE part, but how do you really know that your Peter Luther Christian is a fake (unless you made him up, using your father as a template)? Lots of earnest christians seek to take the good news of Jesus to the sinner, and what better way than via your web site? Who knows (hint hint - you may think that you are religious, but you are not very OBSERVANT, are you?), Lord Peter may well be far closer to you than you realize. Wouldn't it be something if he turned out to be someone who lives on your block, a man with whom you exchange perfunctory greetings every morning as you take your morning stroll?

PS I speed-read through that Philadelphia Mag story on the very short 23 year old geek and the porn whores while at my neighborhood Indian-run magazine shop. Sort of very funny, in a shameful way. The adults who gave that kid millions to play with come across as stupid as a glass of malt-o-meal. And that whore - I thought whores have hearts of gold. And to think that I was saving up all my money in a pushka for a date with one of Nici's Girls. (Now I'll never know if her hos take payment in nickels, dimes, and pennies. Maybe your friends Ruby or Logan can clue me in on that one.)

I saw Pearl Harbor, the very dull flick, this past weekend. If it had been in my hands, the last thing I would have done with it would be to digitally replace all the images of Japanes soldiers and flyers with images of Jewish American Princesses that conform to the JAP stereotype. They would have been made to speak Japanese with Lawnguyland accents, and yes, the code word for the attack would have been "Torah torah torah!"

Amoral Expectations

L. Brent Bozell III, president of the Media Research Center and the Parent's Television Council, writes in the June 2nd Washington Times about Frank Rich's puff piece on the porn industry in the May 20 New York Times magazine:

Mr. Rich also observes that many porn films have an artistic pedigree, if you will, coming "in all genres, from period costume dramas to sci-fi to comedy. (One series is modeled on the old Bob Hope-Bing Crosby `Road' pictures.)" He relates that one skinflick is "full of erudite cinematic references" and that another has not only "a social conscience reminiscent of `West Side Story' " but also "a soundtrack that features music by Aaron Copland."

No, states Mr. Rich repeatedly, the people of Pornville often aren' t what you would expect them to be. These are respectable businessmen, don't you know. Russell Hampshire, who owns a large production company, declares, "I like the rest of Bush's Cabinet - just not [Attorney General John] Ashcroft." Director Michael Raven says he's "leaned toward the right in my politics, but I'm bothered by the Republicans' association with the religious right." Many in the industry worry that Mr. Ashcroft may launch another Ed Meese-style attack on porn. So long as Republicans limit their agenda to moneymaking, these could be their new angels.

Plenty of porn people have children, framed photographs of which are clearly visible in the accompanying portrait photos of both Hampshire and his fellow mogul Steve Orenstein. But how Mom and/or Dad earn a living can be problematic. Of his 9-year-old stepdaughter, Mr. Orenstein remarks, "The counselors say don't tell her yet." It isn' t only the young whom he keeps in the dark; Mr. Rich reports that Mr. Orenstein "has revealed his true profession to only a handful of people whom he and his wife have met on the PTA circuit."

Next to some in porn, Mr. Orenstein is a blabbermouth. Bryn Pryor, a staffer at the trade journal Adult Video News, tells Mr. Rich, "If our customers project shame, then [we] must be doing something wrong. Everyone at AVN writes under a pseudonym. We have people here who don't want anyone to know their real names."

The $10 billion aside, that this shame apparently remains pervasive may be greatly encouraging. The truth is, however, that every day it's becoming less intense, thanks to stories like Mr. Rich's. The mainstream entertainment media profess to disdain the porn industry, but they have been influenced by it, and they exploit it. One study found that on prime-time television, references to porn were 300 percent more common in 1999 than in 1989. A 1999 Rolling Stone article noted that music videos by big-name groups frequently feature adult-film stars. Moreover, last year The Washington Times reported that "one of today's fashion statements among young people is a T-shirt that says `Future Porn Star' or `Future Pimp.' "

That dovetails with Mr. Rich's comment that "the next generation of porn consumers and producers alike may break with [the] puritan mind-set." AVN's Mr. Pryor says that today's teens have "never known a time without Calvin Klein ads and MTV. By the time they see porn, they've already seen so many naked people, they're prejaded." And when they're adults, God knows what kind of movies they'll watch, or presidential misconduct they'll countenance.

PornPro writes Luke: Just saw your posting of the religious whacko right Media Research Center's "critique" of Frank Rich's fine piece and it made me think: if you hate the porn industry so much, what are you doing wallowing in it and making a living off of it? As much as I despise zealot/extremists like Bozell, at least they're true to their own moral code: they hate porn and have nothing to do with it. You on the other hand, hate porn, yet wallow in it on a daily basis. That, you leech, makes you the worst type of hypocrite. You're pathetic.

Stop The Presses - Quasarman Updates His Site

QuasarmanRants.com writes: Tomorrow I shoot the 10th installment of the Metro Series "More than a Handful" which features bulbous bosoms both God given and some purchased on 18 reasonable monthly installments. Logan Labrent will be back once again and she will be joined by other notable fun-bag babes like Brittany Andrews and Taylor Wayne. I lived with Taylor briefly when she first entered the business but never had intercourse with her. One of the guys in my band at the time nailed her the night she arrived from jolly old England however. In my formative years I lived with several porn girls and had no intercourse with any of them either. When you can live in the same home with a girl to whom a handshake or a blowjob are equally effective greetings and still spend most of your time tugging relentlessly on your own penis in the bathroom after everyone has turned in for the evening, you either have incredible self-control and rock-solid moral fiber or you’re a pathetic loser for whom ridicule is too kind.

Luke F-rd's Magical Mystery Porn Valley Tour

Needing some extra dough to romance Hebrew Honeys, I've decided to start up a Porn Valley Tour. The first one will be exclusively for the media later this month (Monday, June 25 at 10AM).

Participants will pile into the back of my beaten van while I drive you around all the important porn sites in Los Angeles.

Porners who'd like to host some media and show them their facilities, should Email Luke. I also need more suggestions on how to go about this tour. Which places should we see aside from my apartment?

Chaim Amalek writes: See, one of the benefits of dating a jewess is the motivation to become prosperous that it provides. To date the jewess is to spend lots of money, and if you are to come by that money honestly you will have to work smarter and harder, at least until you marry and impregnate her.

The porn tour is not such a bad idea. Kenny Kramer, the putative model for the character "Cosmo Kramer" of the jewish Seinfeld show made a mint for himself with his "Seinfeld Reality Tour" in Manhattan. You can do the same with porn-star tours in LA, but I suggest you charge more money for it. Tours should include aids clinics, the local bus depot where many a porn star was discovered, the Larry Flynt building, etc. And each tour should end at the Museum of Tolerance. Tell folks that you will be waiting for them right behind the door labeled "tolerant" to give the unsatisfied among them refunds. I suspect that in no time at all, you will have to rent some large buses to handle the spurt in business. Time to prove that you really are worthy of Honey's jewish genes by making this go.

Now, some of the pornets will object to having their homes on the tour. Not surprising, as all big stars value their privacy - Hollywood or Valley, it's all the same, no? As for giving out their real names too, this is more troubling. On the other hand, if everyone thinking of going into porn knew that you would quickly strip them of their false identities, perhaps fewer innocent young Christian girls would be defiled at the hands of swarthy, bagel-eating, greedy porners. Clearly there are good arguments on both sides, but I think I come down on the side of NOT divulging the christian names of these young women.

Lynne writes: Luke, I like your idea of a porn tour. So many of the manufacturers have tried so hard to be discreet about their locations, and you could ruin that for them instantly. You could start in the West Valley and finish in Laurel Canyon at the site of the Wonderland Massacre. In between, I would suggest a stop at a distributor, because the sight of thousands of videotapes piled on shelves is very impressive, and a stop at World Modeling, because the sight of dozens of porners piled on the sofa is very impressive. For an extra $5, your guests will receive a genuine World Modeling Polaroid of themselves in the nude (a great souvenir for the family photo album, don't you think?)

For another $5.00, the Deluxe Tour could include a visit to an actual porn shoot. You will have to kick back some of that money to the producer, but it would be welcomed. Many porn shoots no longer have room in their budgets for condoms, so not only would you be exploiting the performers, but doing something really valuable at the same time, like keeping them alive.

NJG says your driving is really atrocious, and, since you have few enough true fans as it is, I hesitate to consign them to the back of your van. Your van is more suited to smuggling illegal aliens who don't care about such niceties as seat belts, door handles or air conditioning. And you do not speak Japanese, so you will need an adorable Asian "I'm really a molecular biologist" porn cutie riding shotgun to interpret for you.

Arrange to stop at your favorite valley eating place and let your tour group purchase lunch. The restaurant will kick back a free lunch for you (although skipping lunch for a bit might not be a bad idea, Luke. There's not a big market for pudgy TV personalities.) Maybe they'll even name a sandwich after you. The Luke F-rd special. The contents of that sandwich escape me, though -- does anyone have any ideas? After visiting Wonderland and leading the group in a moment of silent prayer, you can drop off your group at the Hollywood Greyhound Bus Depot, so they can get the true perspective on what it's like to step off the bus when future porn stars arrive in Los Angeles to embark upon their new careers. Plus they can get home from there.

Mdl writes: Lox and schmaltz on a rye loaf -- open faced. Just think, you could arrange the shinny pink lox in an attractive shape and drizzle the schmaltz over the top. There could be variations:

The Luke F-rd Sister - roast beef instead of the lox.
The Luke F-rd Extreme - 1 side roast beef -- 1 side lox, with whole baby carrots inserted and globs of schmaltz instead of drizzles.
The Luke F-rd Voyager - it's amazing what you can do with a pimento olive.

Helpful writes: Other possible interesting stops on Luke's Porn Tour include:

The actual corner on Santa Monica Boulevard where Matt Ramsey was discovered by his first porn producer / trick. The front of the Larry Flynt building where XXX mercilessly bitch slapped poor Luke (and with one hand tied behind his back too).

The scene of the infamous John Holmes "Four on the Floor" murders in Coldwater Canyon.

Dave Hardman's former residence where a distraught Lynne Lopatain was arrested for stalking him with a loaded hand gun in her purse.

Charlie Sheen's Malibu Manse where more new comers hit the sheets than at Ed Powers couch!

The Altadena love palace where Max Hardcore makes so many lucky "cock sockets'" deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.

The World Modeling agency where porn booking agent, Jim South and his horny associates make so many of their own deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.

The Slums of Beverly Hills Apartments where Luke F-rd makes surprisingly few lucky young Jewish ladies' deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.

The Los Angeles area Men's detention facility where Jack Hammer currently makes so many of his burly cellmates' deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.

The AIM testing facility where members of Luke's Porn Tour can socialize with the charming Sharon Mitchell and receive a free blood panel analysis.

The cardboard box behind the Hollywood Boulevard Stop-Go market where porn super-agent, Scotty Schwartz lives. Rob Spallone's shooting house. WARNING: Please no rummaging through the trash cans for Kendra Jade's discarded soiled panties. Luke has already done so and they are available for sale at the end of the tour.

The Doc Johnson Sex Toy manufacturing facility where for $29.95 tour members may have a lifelike mold of their genitalia formed in silicone.

NOTE: All silicone penises of tour members over 8 inches in length become the "intellectual property" of Doc Johnson, Inc.

The Gold's Gym in Venice where AVN bull-stud, Gene Ross, works out daily. CAUTION: Ladies please refrain from touching Gene during his work out. and finally . . .

The fiery gates of HELL ! ! Where all porners are destined to end up at.

Remember in June all topless tour members bust size D and above get 50% off admission!

Goddess writes: The pornoland tour sounds cool, but I'm wondering if you're gonna have any rides--ya know, like Disneyland?? Just curious, cause if you're gonna have a Gene Ross ride, I'm gonna be on that sucker all f---ing day... BTW, "Helpful," if I can't touch Gene while he's flexing and squating, what the hell is the point?!

Kaspar writes: Hey there - great idea about the bus tour. But you want to do it right! You need a bus and a driver for that bus. My cousin Hector is new here and does not know the language, but he can drive a bus, and I can get you a bus at a very good rate. Fully air conditioned, too, with a pa system so you can talk over the traffic, and new shocks. Needs a bit of work to pass inspection, but not a problem, we can take care of that. So how about it Amigo, ready to do some business?

Ben writes: HI Luke, Luke! Now this is a great idea.(Porn Valley Tours) one of your best SO FAR! I phoned a few of my jewish friends, they just can't wait for you to start these tours.I would like to ask you IF? there was a Van full,could we have a group rate?Say $ 18.99.Plus,yes there are a few. Would you pick us up from LAX? You would spend not time at all picking us out,of a busy airport. We have Ski jackets on,and rubber boots on,and our faces very white,no tan at all. Now,about your apartment.Will it sleep 8 persons plus yourself?( we have to keep the cost down)

One other thing! If you get real busy,and have to sub contract to Lynne,with a other Van, we would like to go with you,not Lynne.She would waste the hole day in front of David Hardman's VILA,telling us how it was,wanting us to wait until he comes home,or goes out,and would like us all to follow him. Luke,your the man,and know what we would like to see.

1)- Where you had sex with Kendra
2)- A, Q&A for 30 minutes,ON! How the sex was?
3)- eg- could she get up right a way? Or did she just jump up on her feet in a few seconds?(we will believe your side of the story,don't worry)
4)- A replay of Kiki Dare and Arial doing some heavy SM on Brother Terry,like a KICK IN THE NUTS for sending in those very poor pictures of them to Luke F-rd .com.
5)- Vivid Girls by all means,It would have us thinking,if we only waited longer to get married.
6)- Will you let us take pictures of you nude? Some of our sisters would like pictures. Im sure Luke we can make a deal here. Keep us up dated OK?

Kaspar: I spoke with my cousin Hector. First, he wants to know how many miles a day this will be. Also, he insists that you do not go to where the black people live. too dangerous. And do you really have the money to start this? Just because we are Mexican does not mean we are cheap. You get what you pay for.

George writes: Luke; That Porn Valley Tour sounds like a hell of an idea. My only problem is the $20 for the tour. At present I have only a single Canadian twenty in my wallet. Would that be OK?

I was also thinking that for the extra I might need, the NJG could come along and pay that, besides her own, and for that I would hold onto her and keep her safe because of your atrocious driving that she mentioned. Hell for that price I would even bring an extra pillow to put in front of her face.

That would be for just before you run into something so that she doesn't get her beautiful looks ruined before marrying some rich guy that is going to keep her in the lap of luxury that she is preparing herself for. If her gorgeous face was damaged all she could hope for is some ordinary working stiff like myself. Heaven forbid that should happen!

Lord Peter Luther Christian writes: Dear Mr. Ford:

Speaking from the Christian perspective, there is much in your new business venture that can be laudable, provided it is executed properly. Your tour could be used to educate tourists on the dangers of perdition that come with the sin of random fornication outside of Christian marriage.

Begin, as has been suggested by others, with the bus depot, the Gates to Hell where many a young girl has begun her descent to damnation. Continue to the Demon Flynt Building, where Satan first breaks many an innocent's spirit. Then continue on to the filth factories of the Valley, where the dehumanizing process proceeds apace. Be sure to visit some HIV treatment centers, and discuss the relationship between the moral diseases of pornography, feminism, sodomy, etc., and such physical diseases as HIV and hepatitis.

Next stop - an abortion clinic, where unborn children brought to life in this moral sewer are masticated by the whirring blades of the abortionist's cutting tools, to the beat of a hip-hop sound track. This should be followed by a visit to the graves of the damned - porn actresses whose lives were cut short as a result of their involvement with pornography.

This can be a very depressing experience, with little to commend repeat business. So you will want to end on a high note: a trip to a Christian church, where the good news of Christ everlasting, and the promise of forgiveness of even the pornographer's sin, is presented to the shocked attendees in word and song. Finally, offer baptism to all who wish it.

Victory in Christ!
Lord Peter Luther Christian, OBE

John Douglas from TalkingBlue.com writes: Dear Lukey, I hope you got my IM where I put in for a reservation for your tour. I see it referenced that the first outing is for the media and since we are often referred to as a very watered-down version of l-keford.com I assume that I qualify as media. So once again, I am claiming a seat. I shall bring the appropriate gear (including a cell phone should you decide to ditch us all in a gang-infested barrio of East Los Angeles - which is okay with me since I have relatives in those parts).

Pierre writes: I think Alisha Klass would be willing to set up a tour stop halfway up her colon. Who knows what other celebrity remains might be stuck to the walls up there.

Meni writes: Gene at a gay gym? My buddy just visited Cali, and said of Gold's Venice, "spandex and cocks, ass to cock spotting 90% of the people lifting are openly gay."