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Friday, May 11th, 2001

Drug Themes In Sky's Day Off?

Skoonj writes: I'm not, I think, a goody-two-shoes. I like watching porn once in a while, though I can't say I've done it a lot. I don't consider that liking occasional porn makes me "evil", nor does it mean I'm open to other vices. Drugs, for instance. I've never tried any. If some one else wants to, I figure that's their business, just leave me out.

I was very surprised at seeing something ... or maybe just thinking I saw something ... in a DVD I got recently. Sky's Day Off was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed it. There was one thing about it, though, that left me wondering about the people who put it together. I don't know how you measure scenes in DVD's, as I've only had one a few weeks.

In any case, if you have this one it's about 5 minutes and 20 seconds into the DVD. Sky has a man and woman in her room, and we're about to have some sex. What I didn't care for was what I THINK I saw in Sky's left hand. I THINK it was an empty aluminum soft drink can, dented in the middle, with a hole and a dark spot also in the middle. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that how crack cocaine is smoked?

Really, I don't care what Sky and her friends do at home or even just off camera. But I'm not a part of the drug culture and I would appreciate it if Sky wouldn't assume I am, or that I wouldn't care. If that's what she wants to do, fine. If that's how she is able to psych herself up for the job, fine. I just hope they keep it off camera next time. So, Luke, maybe this is a case of mistaken identity. Maybe the can is for something else. Or am I just being too sensitive?

Art writes: That was not crack. Sky doesn't smoke crack.. and that not how ppl smoke crack.. they use steel wool. it might have been for weed, or maybe the can was just crushed in the middle... def. wasn't crack

An Open Letter To Mike South

Allen Gelbard, esteemed attorney to the porn stars, writes: An open letter to Mike South I have been a member of this industry since the early 90s. I personally experienced the injustice which is regularly heaped upon the adult entertainment industry and, instead of simply ranting against people who were trying to help, decided to do something about it. I went to Law School. I joined the Free Speech Coalition. I donate money to the ACLU and donated time to the FSC Legal Advisory Committee. I was honored to be elected to the FSC board of directors, and I continue to do what I can to actually be a positive influence on the industry and to represent its members effectively.

I do not know you Mr. South. I can't recall ever meeting you. Despite that fact, I would defend your right to express your opinions, whatever they may be. However, my take on the state of affairs on which you so regularly and negatively comment differs substantially from yours.

That being said, I have decided to respond to your tirade against our lobbying trip to Sacramento. Granted, I don't generally respond to materials on the various websites (other than in an occasional lawsuit as reasonably necessary to protect the interests of certain clients with whom many of you may be familiar) but this time I feel that a response is called for.

As a matter of historical perspective, the Free Speech Coalition is an outgrowth of the Adult Video Association which was originally founded in the 80s by video production companies. After several years, and several incarnations, it became the Free Speech Coalition®. When I became involved with the FSC, (93ish) I was also under the impression that FSC represented only video production companies. Actually, FSC had always wanted to include the panoply of other adult businesses. Anyone who actually understands the dynamics of the speech/privacy/establishment issues realizes that the fight is not just about the ability to sell adult oriented videotapes, but the right to sexual expression, be that through producing (or consuming) porn, dancing at strip clubs, practicing alternative lifestyles, or any other activity which is frowned upon by the religious right (whom, I generally refer to as the "Religious Wrong").

Having explained the history and nature of the struggle, let me next address your latest rant, one point at a time.

'since when does the free speech coalition represent dancers and exotic clubs? i thought this was an alliance initially pushed by mike ross wanted nothing to do with strip clubs. why is it now you claim them?'

As you would know (had you done your homework) the majority of government actions against adult oriented activities in the 70s through early 90s were obscenity prosecutions (see Roth v. United States, (1957) 354 U.S. 476, 77 S.Ct. 1304, 1 L.Ed.2d 1489, Miller v. California, (1972) 413 U.S. 15, 93 S.Ct. 2607, 37 L.Ed.2d 419) and criminal prosecution of homosexuals through selective enforcement of state anti-sodomy laws (See Bowers v. Hardwick, (1986) 478 U.S. 186, 106 S.Ct. 2841, 92 L.Ed.2d 140). These prosecutions had very little to do with strip clubs and adult toy companies. Believe it or not, it was their fear of being lumped in with video producers and adult book stores which kept other types adult businesses from becoming involved with us, despite our repeated attempts to propose a more inclusive alliance. However, after Renton v. Playtime Theaters, Inc. (1985) 475 U.S. 41, 106 S.Ct. 925, 89 L.Ed.2d 29, it became clear that the Religious Wrong intended to target all forms of adult activities. By the mid 90s, there were club owners and dancers who were members of the FSC and several were involved in our original lobbying trips. Further, a representative of the American Cabaret Association (an association of adult clubs) was in attendance in Sacramento last week.

(As an aside, I find it interesting that certain individuals in our political/legal communities persist in attempting to split the various forms of adult businesses into different trade associations as opposed to combining their varying demographics to create a more effective organization. Perhaps these individuals are more concerned with promoting themselves and/or their self interests than the overriding constitutional issues at hand.)

'in the whole l.a.times article i readnothing about exactly what it is you are proposing to half members of legislature any bills authored for supportnothing. reads as though went in and said hey we all nice people so shouldnt be mean us.'

There are obviously certain political realities which you are either innocently unaware of, or intentionally ignoring. Imagine, if you will, the response a piece of legislation would receive if political opponents of our cause (and/or its sponsor) knew it came from the FSC. Got that picture in your mind??? The reality is that we have proposed several pieces of legislation and sought sponsorship(s) for them. How do I know... I drafted them and personally discussed them with numerous legislators and their aides over the past several years. However, as a matter of political pragmatics, this does not mean that the FSC should run front page adds claiming authorship or taking credit. A far more effective means of advancing our political agenda is to seek allies with interests which parallel ours, but who do not suffer from the types of political backlash associated with "the porn lobby." I assure you, based upon my own personal observations, that we are making significant inroads into this arena. Am I going to give you specifics? ... Hell No. All I can say is that, in my opinion, the goal of passing the legislation is far more important than whether you, or anyone else, knows that it came from us.

'ok here is the big one. 600dollars people and in spite of my goading probing they have never named one single pornographer or store owner that helped defend him/herself. two years i asked repeatedly...not one!.'

For your information, we solicit funds from our major supporters (who are far more generous than anyone should ever have to be) to assist in funding all sorts of cases, all over the country. We just don't always use our own money because... (plane and simple) we don't have enough to go around. During my tenure on the FSC board, we have donated several thousand dollars to several companies around the country fighting various battles, but again, those battles need to be of national significance. One example; we gave some money to a business in Alabama in support of their challenge to Alabama's "obscene devices" (dildo) law. Such a law sets a dangerous national precedent. We also refer people, all over the country, to local attorneys with expertise in these extremely specialized areas of law, which is, in many instances, far more beneficial than a few thousand dollars. Lets face it, if more people like you who bitch, moan and complain (based on incorrect information and/or lack of understanding) would join us and pay dues, perhaps, just perhaps, we would be able to donate more funds directly. One other point; it always amazes me when people call and all but demand donations... and then it turns out that they aren't even members.

'now lets broaden thisi challenge them to name one instance of a person who has received that 10dollar reward.'

Robert Best, Bon View Entertainment.

'truth is peoplethey have not spent that money on anything except over inflated salaries for fsc officialsbill lyonkat sunlove and an annual trip to sacramento fumble around play the masturbatory fantasies of democrats in california legislature.'

Three issues here... First, as we have always said, we do not fund individual obscenity defenses. Truthfully, I wish we could. But there just isn't enough money. We do, however, engage in lobbying (and litigation when possible) which effects issues of importance to the entire industry. Let me try to explain the difference to you. (Hopefully, you will do me the courtesy of taking at least as much time to think about this as I took to write it.)

Lets compare two "hot button" issues...

Elise's Passion and FSC v. Reno(Ashcroft). Elise's is an adult business in the heart of Censornatti. ( ... Intentional!) She chose to set up shop in Censornatti and sell the works which have been charged as being obscene. (Personally, I applaud her for that courageous decision.) Now, let me state for the record that I fully support Ms. Metcalf's position and believe that, with the help of her attorney, Louis Sirkin (whom I know personally, respect immensely, and have the utmost confidence in) it is quite possible that she will be acquitted. (I personally believe that the "fund raiser" purportedly thrown by Mr. South recently does more harm than good to her chances by not only offending potential jurors, but by further motivating the prosecution team, but that's another issue.) However, as obscenity is based upon findings of prurience, literary, artistic, political or scientific value, and patent offensiveness, based on the standards of the community, her conviction (which I think would be outrageous) or acquittal (which I sincerely hope for) will have all but no effect on the industry as a whole. Believe it or not, if she's acquitted, she can be indicted the very next day for the same videos in a different "community" and put through the ringer all over again. Is that fair??? Is that just??? Of course not! Unfortunately, until someone is successful in getting the Supreme Court to overturn Miller v. California, that's just the way it is. And, as a sad matter of political reality, this Supreme Court (let alone the one we will face after "W" gets done with them) is about as likely to do that as they are to acknowledge that they decided Gore v. Harris based upon their biased political affiliations.

Second, lets look at FSC v. Reno. Did you note the case name??? FSC (yes, that's Free Speech Coalition) v. Reno. Guess who's funding that litigation???

Many people don't really understand this case, so let me tell you why its so important. Ever heard of Porky's, Summer of 42, The Exorcist, Lolita, The Lover, etc... Well, if you own any of these classic films, let alone any of the Cherry Poppers, Barely Legal, or other similar adult videos, and we are unsuccessful in this lawsuit, you may face conviction for possession of child pornography. (Think about that for a minute!!!) Remember, child pornography is not subject to the various community standards tests in Miller. Its strict liability, you make it or possess it, (even if the performer is 17 years, 363 days old and has fake IDs) your guilty! The problem with this statute (18 U.S.C. § 2256, as amended) is that it classifies depictions of persons who "appear to be" minors or "convey the impression" that they are minors engaging in actual "or simulated sexual activity" as child pornography. Does that have an effect on the industry as a whole... you bet your ass Binky! Ask this question: Who gets to determine whether the individual "appears to be" or "conveys the impression" of being a minor. Some Religious Wrong wacko cop who is willing to testify that a lack of body hair and small breasts makes a 25 year old performer "appear to be" 15, that's who!

So, the Free Speech Coalition has funded this litigation to protect the First Amendment rights of the industry (and its customers) as a whole. We believe that what the Supreme Court said in New York v. Ferber, (1982) 458 U.S. 747, 102 S.Ct. 3348, 73 L.Ed.2d 1113 was correct: "The prevention of sexual exploitation and abuse of children constitutes a government objective of surpassing importance"... and ... "if it were necessary for literary or artistic value, a person over the statutory age who perhaps looked younger could be utilized. Simulation outside of the prohibition of the statute could provide another alternative. Nor is there any question here of censoring a particular literary theme or portrayal of sexual activity."

Accordingly, depictions of persons who "appear to be" minors (but aren't) or who engage in "simulated" sexual activity were (prior to the amendment of 18 U.S.C § 2256) and should remain fully protected speech. The amended statute is unconstitutional because its subjectivity could criminalize many "legitimate" works, not just your "all amateur" website. Now, for the record, neither I, nor the Free Speech Coalition, nor the legitimate adult entertainment industry that we represent condone, protect, or defend child pornography!!! However, we do believe that the First Amendment rights of the industry, our customers, and members of society as a whole are sufficiently impacted by this statute so that we are seeking to have it found unconstitutional, and to return it to its original form, that of criminalizing real child pornography.

Third, you'll all be happy to know that, despite their claims to the contrary, many Republicans also have masturbatory fantasies. Lets see... financially accountable to whom? To you? Please! We are, like every other non-profit corporation, financially responsible to our board and shareholders. I assure you, we (and I) take that responsibility seriously. Do Mr. Lyon and Ms. Sunlove draw salaries? Yes they do.... and they earn every damn cent if you ask me. Mr. Lyon's political connections, savvy, and personal experience with (and understanding of) the power structure in our nations capital are worth far more than he is paid. And Ms. Sunlove has not only done a remarkable job in forming alliances with and gaining access to California legislators, she has done so while overcoming not only the stigma that this industry has had in the past, but also the hole that our previous lobbyist dug for us.

As far as something the industry can be proud of, how's this for just one example:

Several years ago, a legislator in Sacramento decided to get himself some free press by proposing a "porn tax" on all adult oriented goods and services sold or manufactured or produced or warehoused in California. Well, we did what other political groups do... we went to Sacramento to fight the legislation. We provided financial impact reports, briefs on the unconstitutionality of the proposed tax (I wrote one myself) and testimony from prominent industry members. Our lobbyist, Ms. Sunlove, worked tirelessly to form alliances with other groups who thought the legislation unwarranted (from the ACLU to, believe it or not, a battered women's shelter). These groups also came out to oppose the bill. Guess what... the bill died in committee. Not one single vote. Not one! Don't know about you, but I think that speaks volumes. And oh, bye the way, in the last two years, the California Legislature has not promulgated one single piece of legislation that was harmful to the adult video production industry's interests. I'd say the industry should be very proud of that accomplishment.

We are currently in the process of forming additional state chapters to take the fight to other State legislatures and, we are developing a presence in Washington, DC.

As far as your urging people to withhold funds, your entitled to your opinion. However, its just plain stupid, if you ask me, to propose defunding the only group that is presently pressing our political agenda in this day and age where the Religious Wrong has the ear of the President, five members of the Supreme Court are clearly not friendly to our interests (Justice Scalia, the best bet for Chief Justice when Rhenquist retires, thinks Playboy is obscene), an ultra-conservative son of a minister is the Attorney General, and it's a good possibility that Frank Keating will be the next head of the FBI. It reminds me of Nero playing the violin while Rome was in flames.

'the free speech cabal should be a strong force in thisindustrythey the first on scene and obscenity prosecutions all over country name alone strike fear hearts of prosecutors. as it is just den inept fattened hyenas cowering from anything resembling fight.'

We are a strong voice. We also have an excellent referral network to the First Amendment Lawyers Association. However, the sad fact is that prosecutors and the Religious Wrong couldn't care less. These types of cases aren't brought to obtain convictions. They are brought to destroy businesses through the economic pressures of litigation and for prosecutors to appease a small number of very vocal conservative constituents in an effort to obtain political capital. On the (very) few occasions when they actually obtain a jury conviction (as opposed to a forced plea bargain), these prosecutors get up and thump their chests, proclaiming they have made their cities safe for women and children. When they loose, they blame liberal judges, juries or "porn lawyers." Either way, the Religious Wrong love them and they get both money and votes. And, one more discouraging thought; there's really no such thing as a defendant "winning" an acquittal. You don't get all your legal expenses back, or your lost business revenues, or your reputation in the community. What you do get is ulcers, grey hair and huge legal bills. Another sad commentary on our criminal justice system, but I invite you to discuss the matter with anyone who has ever been put through the process.

I do not know what you, Mr. South, have personally done for the cause. I applaud anyone who stands up and takes a position, whether I agree with it or not. However, I am more impressed by people who actually do something as opposed to simply criticizing the efforts (even the limited efforts) of others. It strikes me (from the tone of your rants) that you seem more intent on getting press than proposing solutions to the problems we all face. If you do have any constructive suggestions on how we could be doing more with our limited resources, I'm all ears. Personally, I would have more respect for you if you forwarded your suggestions privately and directly to us as opposed to simply ranting on, in a public forum, where our (and your!) enemies are watching.

So, Mr. South, you've expressed your opinion and I've expressed mine. I leave it to the free marketplace of ideas, and to history, to determine who's opinions come closer to the truth.

'the biggest all amateur original hardcore site on the net.'

Good for you. Hope you've got a good lawyer. The way things are going, you'll probably need one soon.

Cheyenne Silver's Ex Speaks Out About Spouse Abuse

Former boyfriend of Vivid girl Cheyenne Silver, Gregory Bowman, writes:

Luke;

The troubles of being in the industry include physical violence; not always the result of a man hitting a woman. As with the case of my relationship; I was the punching bag.

So you want to know if she hit me? YES! Im not proud to say it but, yes, she on more than one occasion beat the crap out of me. I certainly didn't fight back; Im not a violent person with women.

And what set off her rages? after two days of shooting a porn she would be wreck. She would throw things, scream, cry, and hit without provocation. Most of the time she didn't know she was doing it. It seemed as if she had a distinct personality. One-the porn star, was carefree and not worried, the other; wounded and angry at the world for her misfortune.

The one incident where she beat me quite well was a day that I merely was quiet. I was dealing with the anniversary of my mother's death and didn't want to ruin the day by breaking down in front of her. She went ballistic and before I had a chance to explain she had kicked, punched, and scratched me. To add insult to injury, her verbal abuse was more painful than the physical could ever be.

For your readers who say, "well you should have hit her back" I have and never will hit a woman, Period! Its not in my nature.

After all that, this is what she writes to her friend..... ..."I hope all goes better for you at work. It sounds a little frustrating. I haven't had the best last two days either. I got in a fight with Greg, whom is a wonderful person, but sometimes I just don't know how to express my feelings without hurting the other person. Sometimes I feel so lost, wondering how to make someone see who I am and what it is I am needing, when all the while they are needing me to understand them. After we argued about why he was down and wouldn't tell me why (because I thought it was me), I find out that today was the anniversary of his mother's death and that he hadn't wanted to bring me down too. What do I say to that? Anyways, I just feel a little down that I got so enraged to find out that he was hurting very deeply and that I probably hurt him a lot too. So I went to see XXX, my best friend (whom took those pictures of us last Christmas), and he prayed with me and tried to give me his perspective of the situation. That helped but I still don't know how to make up to Greg. Hopefully tomorrow, when I see him, words will come easier."

The bruises are gone and so is she but the question is still there.....why does this girl have such anger and rage pent up inside? Was I stupid to have stayed in that situation? Most definitely. Love is blind. I thank God every day that I am not around that chaos but also pray that she gets the help she needs; especially for her 5 year old daughter. Safety and Concern Vs Profit and Risk? your comments? nathans_parable@yahoo.com

Photo of Gregory's bruised balls.

Luke Uncovers Porn's Link To The Mafia

I surfed over to Jerry Capecci's GanglandNews.com Friday afternoon and placed "porn" in the site search engine. And I got four results, which proves that the Mob runs pornography.

First result:

June 22, 2000

Six Gambino wiseguys, including a capo allegedly involved in the Paul Castellano rubout, and a Bonanno capo have been nabbed on extortion charges for separate shakedowns against the same smut peddler.

In separate indictments, the rival mobsters were accused of threatening to trash a Ronkonkoma, Long Island adult entertainment store that specializes in X-rated videos if the owner didn’t fork over monthly protection money.

To settle a feud over which family owned the rights to extort the porn merchant, capos from each family had a traditional mob sit-down, law enforcement sources told Gang Land.

Second result:

It's been two years since Colombo capo John (Sonny) Franzese was paroled for the umpteenth time since he was sentenced to 50 years for a questionable 1967 federal conviction for bank robbery.

At the time, Franzese was a rising Colombo mob star with power bases in Queens and Long Island. He had hooks in the entertainment industry -- he had a piece of Buddah Records and a financial stake in the early porn classic, Deep Throat -- and the backing of maverick family boss Joe Colombo.

Rob Spallone Says Hi To Russ Hampshire For Luke

Rob Spallone dropped in to VCA at 12:30 this afternoon with his friend Cherie, to register her into VCA's program.

Luke: "Say hi to Russ [VCA owner] for me."

Then Rob and Cherie were due to go to lunch together. Rob says she's a great kid.

FearZeus writes: Lukey, it's been awhile since I contacted you. I felt bad when Joy King shunned you out and told her people not to talk to you because of me. The fact that people actually listen to her and take her seriously is mind boggling to me....I guess the truth hurts. Anyway, the reason for this post is because now I've seen and heard everything!! One thing is "Crazy" Bobby (Spallone) leaving New York to live in L.A.....another thing is Bobby getting invovled in the porn industry(God knows we have done worse things)....

News Scoop

Los Angeles, 5/11/01: It has been reported today that news journalist and ace reporter Luke F-rd has been flipping tricks.

While it has been well known that Mr. Ford has been supplementing his meager income from l-keford.com by stripping at various clubs across the United States and Canada, this latest revelation has caught many of Mr. Ford's fans by complete surprise.

The revelation came when one irate john complained, "Luke refused to give me change when I handed him a $20 bill. We negotiated a price of $10, and he refused to give me change after we were done. Also, his hovel is a mess."

Another angry customer bitterly observed, "He wore black shoes and white socks to our rendezvous. The hotel personel saw this. I was humiliated."

Numerous contributors had these comments:

Curious: "No surprise."

Chaim Amelek: "Somebody paid $10 for that?"

Brandy: "I know that there are many who disagree, but I've always maintained that there is a difference between being a porn journalist and a prostitute. Luke is just an anomaly."

Devon: "I heard that many of Luke's johns asked him to take a shower first. Yech."

Luke's rabbi: "Have you considered the reform branch of this religion? I understand that they're not as strict as we are."

Lynne: "How much? $10? I think I have that in my purse here somewhere. Rats! All I see is a $5 bill. I wonder if that will be enough."

Stay tuned for more breaking news on this high profile matter!

Lynne L-patin writes: Finally my prayers have been answered! I loved you as a pariah, Luke, but I love you even more as a whore. I take back all I said about preferring relationships over sex for money, and I'd like to make a standing appointment with you for Saturday night after sundown, when your soul is at it's least sullied. Of course, as a Jew, I shall expect a deep discount.

The Rantings and Ravings Of A Stoner

Jason Stoner writes: Luke, There is no reason to toss and turn about going to porno sets and shoots. It's your job to cover these things and give us, your loyal readers, the "behind the scenes" look. You are not going there to be titillated (although that may be a collateral effect much like fear is a collateral effect of covering a war zone - steel yourself with your journalistic objectivity). The point you are trying to make, I believe, is that this is fantasy, this is how they do it, the sex is an "act" it is not reality. You are uncovering the way the directors and producers construct the illusion. Almost like an inside expose of the WWF. We all know it's faked and that the punches are pulled. It's essentially the same as porno. The sex is real but at the same time it's not real.

Your job at these shoots is to check out the working conditions, are the actors and actresses being treated well, how much are folks being paid, what happens if someone is injured on set, are they being treated with respect, etc? Is there catering, is there a sufficient number of PA's and other technicians or are the performers drafted into adjusting the lights and wiping down the kitchen counters? And of course the who's who - who are the performers, who are the producers, the director, the technicians, the PAs etc? Who's the money bags, where's the shoot happening? Have all the performers been HIV tested? Is it a condoms or non-condoms shoot and why? How many of the employees also do mainstream work? In other words the mechanics of the industry - the technical details. And then get some interviews with everyone on set. And get a better digital camera!

One more suggestion for you......although this may get you into trouble because it's akin to exposing porno performers' real names. In Canada we have a satirical magazine called "Frank" (http://www.frankmag.net/). They run a feature from time to time called "Whose House?" Basically they go around to different Canadian cities, take picures of the biggest and fanciest homes in the most affluent neighbourhoods, disclose the street addresses and then reveal who the owners are and other details such as: where the money comes from, how much the house is worth, how big, what facilities it has, how the owner got his/her money, who the previous owner was and, of course, lots of juicy gossip about the high-end antics of the owners. You could do the same thing with porno "shoot" houses then setup a "Whose Porno House" page on your site. I've noticed, for instance, that a number of porn companies seem to use the same homes over and over again. Some of these homes are very nice. You could go around and take pictures of the houses, reveal the addresses, discuss who the owner is, how much the taxes are, if they're in arrears, if the home is "known" to police, is it ever used for mainstream shoots, etc. A lot of this info would, I think, be available through land title or other public, municipal, state? records. For instance, let's have some details about the house where JimmyD and Rob were shooting for Fat Dog. Looks like a nice place. Or maybe this is way too risky for you - is it? Would such a stunt earn you renewed hatred from pornoland? Maybe you wouldn't wanna do that to Jim and Rob. I get the impression that you think they run a pretty decent shoot. Do they? But maybe for someone else. For instance, where does Max Hardcore do his shoots? I dunno, just a thought.

Finally, when it comes to your concern about revealing your career to straight-laced types at shul - not a problem. You are NOT a pornographer. You are NOT making porn and you are NOT covering it in the way all of the other porno "news media" cover it. Your perspective on the industry is as I described in my first paragraph of this email. You are a crusading, muckraking journalist trying to finger the bad guys and identify the people who are trying to make the best out of what you feel is a sleazy business. Porn is here to stay, the point is to make the industry a less dangerous place for all employed.

Does Ex-Vivid Girl Devon Escort?

XXX writes: Ex-Vivid girl Devon is a whore! I find it pretty ironic that Devon would accuse Raylene of "whoring her body out" while dancing in Raleigh, NC. Someone should ask Devon to account for her whereabouts on August 23, 1999. I can tell you exactly where she was! In St. Louis whoring her own body out! I know for a fact because I went to St. Louis to meet Devon's client three days after she left and he told me all about her, plus a few of the bellmen at the Ritz Carlton recognized her. Her client gave me $10,000 for my time and he told me he paid the same for her. The funny thing is he said she can't even f---! I told him he would have known that if he ever watched one of her videos.

Obviously Devon is nothing but a childish, hypocritical bitch. Raylene on the otherhand is a sweetheart to be around. She is fun, easy to get along with, loves to have fun and doesn't spend 59 seconds out of every minute talking about herself and obsessing over her face. Maybe if Devon spent more time being positive and less time in the plastic surgeons chair trying to look like Michael Jackson she could find it in herself to get over her jealousy of Raylene and Vivid and move on.

Luke says: Devon has told me that she does not escort.

Raylene writes Luke: I've just been working on finishing, writing, and recording the record with my guitar player Daisy Chain who is also in the adult industry. Other than that I've been doing the same old stuff, doing movies, dancing, and chillin with my friends. I haven't read what Devon wrote about me or even had a chance to look, but I wish her well!

Devon Gossip

As reported at 4aday.com (in the Devon Gossip section)

Battle of the Bimbos

Last week Devon was on the road dancing at a little club called "The Dollhouse" in Raleigh, NC. It seems the week before, fellow Vivid girl Raylene appeared there as well. When Devon came back home and reported to her fans (via her website on 4/25/01) how much enjoyed the visit to the club she also mentioned that Raylene was there turning tricks (aka whoring her body for money) and then continued by saying that her body odor was so bad that they club management had to ask her to shower. Needless to say I was shocked when I read this. Even if it was true - did she really need to report it to the world? I think that just brought Devon down to her level. SHAME ON YOU DEVON. What you did only makes you look petty and immature.

Devon writes on her official web site DevonXXX.com: "The Dollhouse there is such a beautiful club... They told me stories that Raylene was their [sic] last and that she was partying non-stop. They said they had to go to her hotel room to get the customers out of her room. I guess she was tricking. They also said they had to ask her to shower because she had smelt [sic] so bad that people at the club were complaining. Gross!"

ImThatGood writes: Luke, 4aday.com is not Devon's offical site, she doesnt have any control over that site so i know she didnt say that about raylene, so please dont write this about devon it is not true!

AMber@EroticVideos.com writes: Poor ImThatGood ... I hate to be the one to break it to you but I seen what Devon said on her OFFICIAL site which is located at devonxxx.com. Not only did she say it - but it was actually much worse than what was posted at 4aday.com. So before you go jumping down Luke's throat for posting something perhaps you should yourself check the facts. It's posted in the "Diary" section of her site. Devon may be beautiful, but perfect she's not. Even a goddess like her is capable of saying a few naughty things from time to time.

Luke Gets Mail

Ian writes: Hi Luke, I recall reading a while ago that you compiled the pen-portraits of porners that are on your site as a by-product of research for your book on the porn industry. Do you spend much time keeping these portraits up to date, and adding industry newcomers, or do you leave well alone?

Luke says: I do what I can to keep them up to date and to add newcomers.

Vern writes: Tell Jenna to look again. There are several Andrea's on LondonExotics.com the second one definitely is Jenna's picture.

Luke Tosses, Turns, Visits Porn Set

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    Mia Star, James DiGiorgio

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    Mia,

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    Mia, Jimmy

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    Mia

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Mia

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    Cherie


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    Cherie

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    Cherie


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    Cherie


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    Cherie


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    Rob Spallone


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    Rob, Cherie


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    Rob, Cherie


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    Cherie

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    Rob, Cherie


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    Rob, Cherie


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    Cherie
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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Cherie

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    Drew Hurley

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    Mia Starr

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    Mia

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    Mia

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    Mia


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    Drew


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    Drew


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    Drew

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    Jim, Mia, Drew

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    Jim, Mia, Drew

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    Drew, Jimmy

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    Drew, Jim

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    Drew, Jim

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    Drew, Jim

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    Mia Starr, Drew Hurley

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    Tina Cherie, Jim, Melissa
    West

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    Tina Cherie, Jim, Melissa
    West

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    Tina Cherie, Jim, Melissa
    , Bill Diehl

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    Brooke Hunter

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    Brooke Hunter

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    Brooke

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    Brooke, Rob

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    Brooke, Rob

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    Tina Cherry

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    Tina

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    Tina, Drew

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    Drew, Tina, Rob

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    Tina, Rob

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    Tina
    , Rob

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    Tina, Rob

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    Tina

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    Tina, Rob

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    Tina, Rob

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    Mia Starr

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    Mia

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    Luke F-rd, fashion plate

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    Brooke

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    Tina

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    Tina

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    Tina


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    Tina
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    Brooke

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    Brooke

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    Rob Spallone

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    Greg, Tina

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    Tina


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    Tina, Melissa

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    Melissa

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    Melissa, Tina

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    Tina


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    Tina

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    Melissa

I tossed and turned on my floor Wednesday night. I got up numerous times. I ground my teeth (though luckily I always wear a plastic nightguard, hope I don't wear out the $250 investment).

BrandyAlx1: You can get sports mouth guards that work the same as these dental bruxism do-dads for MUCH less.

I arose at 6:15 and showered. I drove to synagogue, arriving at 6:45. My daily Talmud study group, over the next 35 minutes, completed the tractate Gittin - on divorce. Only in the last few pages did we find a definition for a Jewish divorce and a discussion over for what things can a husband seek a divorce. Next we moved on to Kiddushin, all about marriage. In another seven years, we'll have completed the entire 65 volumes of the Talmud.

At 7:45AM, I put on my tefillin (black leather straps and little boxes containing parchments of Torah), prayed the morning service (Shacharit) and got out of shul at 8:45. I filled up with gas, it cost $35. My vehicle gets about 10 miles to the gallon.

I came home and cooked a big bowl of oatmeal in my microwave and updated my site.

At 9:45AM, I ran out of my hovel, jumped in my vehicle, and consulted the Thomas Guide to find out exactly where I was heading. It was far out of Los Angeles and I hesitated for a couple of minutes to think whether I should go to today's Rob Spallone - James DiGiorgio low budget lesbian movie for Fat Dog.

I weighed up the expense involved now that gasoline was $2 a gallon. It was warm and I don't have air conditioning. I have lots to do at home. I still need to finish transcribing Tuesday's Eric Danville interview. I have other stories to pursue from home. I chose to drive away.

I needed the change. I needed a new vista. I needed to get away and live a little. After all, JimmyD ranted again Tuesday about how pathetic I was. How I didn't have a life. How rarely I left my hovel, let alone community.

So I took the 10 freeway to the 405 to the 5 to the 14 and drove 40 minutes in all to the home of Ron Miller and his fiance Brooke Hunter for Spallone's super low budget affair.

I see Greg and his wife Tina Cherry, who got new breast implants for Christmas. She now measures 34F. She and Greg also got nose jobs.

Brooke Hunter had fat pockets removed from under her eyes.

Luke: "Did you have that too Jimmy, because you look like you've lost weight?"

Jim: "No I haven't. I am a fat pocket. Luke, you're missing Tina milking herself."

Luke: "I don't take those sort of photos."

Tina used to weigh 168 pounds. Jimmy once weighed 265 pounds. Now he weighs 265 pounds but he carries it well. It's mainly muscle."

Jim: "My ideal weight is 196."

Greg: "Get a few drinks in Tina and she's a lot of fun."

A few weeks ago, Tina and Greg were wasted at the home of a porn company owner. They wanted to order pizza. The pizza shop said they were closing. Tina said she had her fist up her ass and would put on a show if they delivered some pizza. They delivered some pizza. An hour later, the manager called to make sure the pizza was ok.

Spallone hobbles around with a bad back. He's got an inflamed disc.

I ask Tina's hubby Greg if his wife is doing escort work. He says he doesn't know. He looks sheepish. I later ask Tina and she's not sure either. Greg gets annoyed with me and so I stop bothering him.

Drew: "Only people who are f---ed in the head do porn. I guess I'm f---ed up in the head. I had rejects as parents."

She's a fiery dark woman with short black hair and a Meditteranean temper.

Rob: "You don't want to be a prostitute your whole life. All these girls are is cum buckets."

Gary, Dynamite's husband who serves as production manager, says to Greg: "Hey, he's calling our wives cum buckets."

Rob: "If I had a little girl and died tomorrow, I'd be fine. Because I've done everything else on this planet."

The porners sit around in the kitchen and discover their children.

Rob: "I'm not a porner. Don't put me in the same class as them. That's not fair."

Dynamite's hubby Gary: "I just heard from my daughter for the first time in 13 years. She's now 19. When she was six, I divorced her mother. She made it so difficult for me to see my daughter, that I just signed over adoption papers. Now I'm talking to her again and I will see her soon. My oldest boy (who's 20 years old) is finally graduating high school. And she's coming down for that."

Gary's children are aged 20, 19, 15, and 11.

Greg and Tina Cherry don't do black guys. Several other porners on the set also don't do blacks.

I meet Melissa West, a busty blonde from Georgia who's only done four porn scenes.

Gary: "Dynamite's going to write a monthly column for a magazine out of Tampa [Bay, FL] called Nightmoves."

Rob tells Drew Hurley: "You're not a movie star. You're a cum bucket."

She flips him off.

Jim leans over Tina Cherry and Melissa who are licking each other.

Jim: "Tina's glad that I showered this morning."

Rob: "You wouldn't want to be the fourth or fifth scene where he's dripping all over you.

Jim: "You should see how Melissa's eyes change when she has sex."

Gary: "I've been allowed to have [sex with] random chicks over the past three years and because of that, I've had one."

Rob: "What's random chicks?"

Luke: "You're on a set and a girl wants to get on the boxcover..."

Drew: "Chicks always do that, huh?"

Greg: "There was this girl on a set. She shot in the morning and she kept hanging out all day. She was banging everyone on the set. Johnny Thrust was one of the last ones to do her. I think it was a Jim Lane, or Tom Byron and Tony Eveready shoot."

Drew: "f--- the boxcover dude. So that when I have kids, my husband can see the boxcover when he goes to the videostore and there I am. And my kids can see it."

Rob: "I was on the cover of a box two years ago and my wife wanted to kill me."

Greg: "I'm not into 'everyone take a turn on a woman.' I've only done one gangbang and it freaked me out. The guys get all aggressive. You feel weird with 15 naked guys standing around."

Gary: "That's why when we did Dynamite's 21st birthday gangbang, we broke it up into groups so that she was only doing five guys at a time."

In the year 2000, Dynamite did about 90 porn videos. She's appeared in eight this year.

Drew made her first porn video at age 18 for Ed Powers. It was a bad experience. He was too old and too tiny for her, she says.

Drew: "It was so awful. I quit the industry."

Luke: "Why was it so bad?"

Rob: "Because guys aren't supposed to shove nothing up their ass."

Drew: "I just don't think it's very clean. I'm going to be 21 next month."

Rob abuseses Drew.

Drew: "I'm going to come babysit your kids, dude."

Rob: "I don't think so. You're a porno girl and you're not allowed around my kids."

Drew, who's appeared in about 30 porn videos, says: "I'm not a porno girl."

Rob: "You f--- on film. You're a porno girl."

Drew: "But that's not what I do all day. I don't go home and have sex and play with myself all day."

Luke: "What do you do?"

Drew: "I sleep and go running and avoid guys entirely."

Luke: "Why did you quit the first time?"

Drew: "Because it was gross, dude. It was the worst experience."

Luke: "Why was it gross?"

Drew: "Ed Powers is how old? It was awful. He does Black Dirty Debutantes. I didn't even know that."

Most everyone on this set does not have sex with blacks. They consider it gross.

Melissa walks in from her scene with Tina Cherry to have a bite of her bagel.

Rob asks her: "Where are you from?"

She won't answer because she doesn't speak with her mouthful. Drew, by contrast, pours packets of Vitamin C powder in her Lime Gatorade and stirs it alternately with her finger or with the packet. Brooke Hunter offers her a spoon but Drew is unconcerned with table manners.

West finishes chewing and joins the conversation.

Drew: "I'm not the typical porno chick. 'Oh, I can deepthroat the Jeff Stryker strap-on.' I'm like, 'I will talk to you about anything else. I rarely have sex. I wasn't getting laid outside of work for three months."

Rob: "Many girls in this business have to get laid every day."

Drew: "Hell no dude, that's f---ing rancid. So they can have elastic pussies that are really loose and they can only f--- in their ass. And when they have babies, they don't even have contractions. They just s--- 'em out."

Rob: "Their assholes are as big as their pussies."

Drew: "And they can have a big ol' s--- while they're having their baby."

Rob: "I like her attitude."

Luke: "So what brought you back to the industry?"

Drew: "I was doing stuff in San Diego where I got way f---ed over."

Luke: "By Homegrown Video."

Drew nods. "I used to work for them a lot. They sent me to the Nightmoves Awards show in Tampa [Bay, FL]. They liked me because I have a don't-f----with-me attitude and everyone else is snooty. I will talk to anyone. And I like to talk a bunch of s---. I guess people think I'm funny.

"I was making videos for Homegrown. But they pay on half of the scales that they do in LA. I did this one scene with two guys and they only paid me $300. And this one guy could not keep it up. It was so obnoxious. I had to suck him for two hours. My jaw hurt. I decided that I would never do that again."

Rob: "I want a daughter."

Drew: "So long as you don't put too much pressure on them and force them to be all good, they'll be fine. So long as you're open with them."

Rob: "My kids will be fine? With me as a father?"

Luke to Drew: "So why do you think you're doing porn? Is there a psychological reason?"

Drew: "I think you're funny. I think that's funny."

Rob: "For the money."

Drew: "Yes, it's for the money. And it's for the rock star guys, when I go to their shows, I want them to watch my porn and recognize me."

Rob: "So they'll f--- you."

Drew: "So they'll want to f--- me."

Rob: "But you won't f--- them?"

Drew: "Probably not."

Rob: "Ninety percent of the girls in this business will f--- anyone who's famous. They get off on that."

Drew: "I like to hang out with guys. I hate girls. I do not get along with them whatsoever. They're so catty and competitive and they talk so much s---. And they've got these little games that they play. And they tease a guy and then don't put out."

Rob: "I hate guys. I prefer to hang out with girls."

Drew: "Guys don't have any balls. They don't have any guts. I was hooking up with this guy recently... And he was doing a performance while we were having sex. He was moaning and doing this dolphin arch and it was awful. It was the worst sex I've ever had. And he said, 'You're not satisfied, are you?' And I'm like, 'No.'"

Rob: "You're used to getting pounded."

Drew: "I'm over all the lines. 'Oh yeah, you want me to f--- you.' If I wanted to get f---ed hard, I'd rather go to work and get paid for it."

Rob: "I want to make love. I don't want to f---."

Drew: "I'm not into the love thing. And I'm not into the whole cuddling thing. I don't like having someone in my space all the time.

"I don't want to f--- up my whole life before I have kids. I'm going to be a f---ed up mom someday if I don't chill. And some of these chicks don't think."

Rob: "When they have kids, they're going to treat them like s---. Leave 'em here, leave 'em there. My wife is a great mother.

"Your mom know what you do?"

Drew lives with her parents.

Drew: "She does. My dad's a youth minister in the Catholic church."

Luke: "And how does he feel about your new career?"

Drew: "He don't like it."

Rob: "I would kill you and I would kill everybody who was in this house today [if you were my kid and you were doing porn]."

Drew: "This is how I explained it to them because I had a long talk with them. It is better that I am doing this and I am not on drugs. And I'm totally sober when I'm doing it. It's better that I'm doing it where it's tested."

Rob: "What does tested mean? Say I was a guy in this business and we were shooting a scene today. And I got tested last week. But I f---ed 20 girls this week and took it up my ass and I came in here and showed you my test and I f---ed you. That test don't mean dick."

Drew: "So I'm a little bit deluded."

Rob: "But you're not being forced to do stuff. There are girls who get forced to do stuff. Then there are girls who do crazier s--- in their home life.

"I don't need sex. I need love. I haven't seen my wife in a few weeks and I want her to come home."

Rob to Drew: "You should be able to count the number of guys you've slept with on one hand, till the day you die."

Drew: "I'm glad you love your wife but I think it's funny how you like to put one image of the porn star on everybody."

Rob: "Not on everyone. You're different than most of them."

Over the past three years, I've heard Rob tell about 50 porn girls, or about every porn girl he has a deep conversation with, that they are different from the rest of the porn girls, who are just "cum buckets."

Rob: "There are very few girls with a head on their shoulders in this business. They think they're movie stars. And they love that feeling. But what are you doing ten years from now?"

Drew: "I've worked in the real world. I used to work fulltime in retail. I was a manager. I've worked a real job. I know. I was never a stripper or a prostitute who decided to be in the industry."

Rob: "You're good. You'll do ok. You're not one of them."

Drew: "And I don't f--- a lot. I've only added to my number through work. And everyone expects you to want to have sex all the time. And they want to cum on your face and do all these sick things to you. And I am over it. The s--- that guys will say to you just because you're a porn girl.

"I know guys who will say, 'Oh, I know you want me to f--- you.' And I'm like, 'No. You can't handle f---ing me. If you want to f--- me, you're going to have to take sponges out when I'm on my rag. And you're going to have to help me put them back in and you're going to have to chill while I'm doing enemas.' I totally try to gross them out and that turns them on.

"I say the nastiest things and make the weirdest faces so they've not attracted to me because I don't really like attention outside of work. I like attention on set. I don't like it when I'm walking down the street.

"Steve Austin at Extreme. He does the Extreme Cocksmokers series. He was late. Then we did our scene and he couldn't concentrate because of the camera guy. Then he totally missed my face [in the money shot] and he wanted me to reshoot [for free]. He called me for a week straight because he wanted me to reshoot the pop shot scene. And he wanted me to do these pretty girls. And he wasn't going to pay me any extra.

"He was like, 'Come up and you can stay at my house and we can go get breakfast and we can go lay out by the pool.' And I'm not in the industry so I can date people.

"So I go to his house to shoot the pretty girls [still shoot for the boxcover] before I shoot my scene for Elegant. So he gets off the freeway and he takes me to f---ing lunch. And he says, 'Since you're on the rag and you're not able to shoot the spread shots for your pretty girl, I thought we could get something to eat and we could reschedule it. So he just made it so we could go out.

"Then he started leaving me threatening phone messages on my phone saying, 'I go you an extra $50 because I thought you were going to come up and shoot this.'"

Rob: "You tell him to go f--- himself because Rob Spallone does not like that."

Drew: "He was like, 'If you don't come up, I'm going to make sure that I don't get you anymore work.' And Paige Sinclair was with me and she said, 'f--- him. Give me the phone.' So I never did his shoot. And he's trying to put it around on me that I tried to dick him over.

"I gave him a blowjob. For $250. That's what a blowjob is. If you can't aim on my face, then you should not be working."

Rob: "Free Speech Coalition don't do nothing. When we [Gourmet Video] got busted, they turned their backs on us. Where's Gloria Leonard? She's in Hawaii sticking dildos back up her ass. Twat. Sharon Mitchell. The lady drawing blood over at AIM now does scenes. You f---ing cum bucket, you. Get a nurse to draw blood, not a f---ing hua. I wouldn't let you f---ing next to me with a f---ing stick... You f---ing bunch of bulls--- artists. Sharon Mitchell is a f---ing cunt. You're going to go over to AIM and get your blood drawn by a f---ing prostitute?"

Drew: "You hate these people and here you are shooting them. It's like me hating animals and going and being a veterinarian. It doesn't make sense. If you hate it so much, why are you here? Why are you so tense about porn s---?"

Rob: "I have nothing against it. That's how I put food on the table."

In the industry for six months, Mia Starr's appeared in about 25 pornos. She started out as a videotech and jumped in front of the camera.

Rob: "We're going to bring the monkeys into the next Sopornos.

"No, that's not what I said. We're going to put two black scenes into Sopornos 3."

Luke: "Are you going to make two versions?"

Rob: "No."

Luke: "Are you going to put them in the back of the bus?"

Rob: "No. Why did you call them monkeys?"

Luke: "Because I heard you use that term."

Rob: "When I took my kids to the zoo?"

Rob introduces me to Hebrew cutie "Cherie," who's father was Roman Catholic but mother was Jewish. Cherie is not an Orthodox Jew. She is not even religious. But she f---s like a rattlesnake. She's 30 years old but her body is hard and her face chiseled. She blew Rob Black of Extreme Associates this morning. It took him only five minutes to get off while videotaping himself. He does a few blowjob scenes these days. At one point he quit do that in honor of his fiance, porn star turned director Lizzy Borden.

It bothered me to think that this filthy Italian had his schmeckela down the gullet of Rob's adorable Hebrew honey.

Needing money, Cherie entered porn three weeks ago. She had a friend who used to cater porn sets. Cherie got Jim South's number from her and off she went.

Cherie works a real job on the side.

Cherie went to shake the hand of Ray Anderson, a shooter for Bobby Rinaldi. But Ray's hands are crippled and so she felt bad. And so to make him feel good, Cherie...

After doing her first girl last summer, Cherie, who's only done eight guys in her life, was approached the other day to do a girl on camera. She said yes, so long as the girl was cute. Cherie needs to feel attraction to her screen partner to turn in a good scene.

Cherie: "I never really enjoyed sex until a couple of years ago. It was always a pleasure my significant other wanted... I think I've hit my sexual peak at age 30. I'm extremely sexual now. I can count on one hand the number of orgasms I've had in my whole life. I haven't had an orgasm doing this.

"I've only had orgasms with two people - and those were ex-boyfriends of mine that I was deeply in love with. I don't have a problem getting off from oral sex, it's just intercourse."

Rob: "She's just a regular girl. I told you. She ain't one of them. You better not turn into one of them."

Cherie: "I won't."

Luke: "Are you going to do any bukkake videos?"

Cherie: "No. What's a bukkake video?

"Jim Lane called me and left me a message but I erased his number. I heard some not good stuff about him."

Rob: "Tell him to call me."

Cherie: "I did my first scene here [Ron Miller's house] with Tyce Bune. It was fun. The topic was f--- my wife. So Bobby Rinaldi told me to act like I was nervous and of course I was very nervous because it was my first scene. Tyce treated me well and handled me gently."

Rob: "That's because he's part gay."

Cherie: "No he's not. He just has a little tattoo on his pelvic area which looks feminine."

Jim walks in complaining about the lighting composition of his lesbian scene between Mia Starr and Drew Hurley.

Jim: "I've got one girl who's as white as a ghost and one girl who's as dark as a monkey."

Rob: "Referring to what?"

Jim: "Like chimpanzees."

Rob and Jim tell me that back in 1998, four porn production companies were willing to pay Rob and Jim $50,000 each to frighten me away from the porn industry. They were going to stage a fake murder and hope that it would so frighten me, that I'd flee porn. The plann was cancelled upon the decision of one of the four production companies.

I left before 3PM, made it Poquito Mas on Olympic and Westwood Blvd in West Los Angeles before 4PM. I ate a vegetarian tostado and drank pink lemonade and read my third Allegra Goodman book.

I arrived home before 5PM to find 20 emails in my box, including ones from Jenna Jameson and that cutie I met at shul.

Gregory Bowman writes: "While driving down the 405 freeway today I passed a person on a silver scooter wearing a leather helmet, goggles, a scarf and lace up leather boots. Here is a photo. Could this be Luke F-rd on his way to a porn set ?? Readers want to know."

Lynne L-patin: Will you share with us, please, just what are acceptable grounds on which an Orthodox Jewish husband may request a divorce, and does an Orthodox Jewish wife have similar privileges?

Luke answers: A Jewish man can divorce his wife if she displeases him for any reason. A Jewish wife can not divorce her husband.

Ladies Of Porn - Help Make This A More Beautiful World

Gregory Bowman writes: "Luke if you are going for the orthodox look it just isnt working according to the pic. OK ...what is with the facial hair? It doesnt suit you. It reminds me of the guy who played opposite Raquel Welch in her movie 2000 BC. but the shoes.... OH BABY!! where did you get those? Did a shul refer you to the "shoes that promote guilt" store? You be da the shiznit! OH BABY!"

Aghast writes: "It appears our hapless hero has adopted not only the Orthodox Jewish religion, but the dress of elderly Jewish Miami retirees. Black shoes with white socks?!"

Fred writes: I noticed that--I have never seen LF looking so nerd-like! He's almost as bad as my clients.

Chaim Amalek writes: Wait a second - you mean white socks don't go with black shoes? LADIES OF PORN! Please provide the readers of l-keford.com with a comprehensive list of fashion do's and don'ts.

Rumdar writes: Well, even if you guys missed the point it is clear to me that Levi has adopted the Michael Jackson look, circa 1985. Very Retro. Black shoes, white socks. What to look for next? Moon walking and a white glove on one hand.

Helpful writes: It does make sense that Luke would seek to emulate the "Gloved One" as Michael Jackson gets closer and closer to Luke's hero Shmuley Boteach. BTW I heard Luke has rechristened his apartment, "Never Land Hovel."

Lynne writes: Luke prefers to present himself as an object of derision rather than an object of desire on porn sets. Keeps the girls from demanding Luke be substituted for the guys that have been booked for the scenes, and preserves his Jewish identity. We all know the old saying: A thing of beauty is a goy forever...

Flashman Calls

Flash here Luke, big news...XXXX has just gotten a boob job, they look terrific. She's a tiny little Asian girl and she's got these big DD tits. Did I mention the big party?...Myself, XXXXX and XXX and 350 other porn girls are going to a party at the Playboy Mansion. Hef himself will be there as will Bill Mahr, Jimmy Caan, Tony Curtis and some other old farts, has beens and never weres. We're all gonna take Viagra together while Hef films a spot for Entertainment Tonight extolling the virtues of Viagra.

Things are blowing up all over Luke. ET, Extra, KCAL news, all want to follow me around to do pieces on the biggest stars in porn. The KCAL cameraman and news director couldn't keep from masturbating when they saw XXXXX's new tits. Did I mention her?, she got new tits and they are GORGEOUS!

Wanted to tell you that XXXXXX is in the hospital. She's had complications from her liposuction. It's nothing serious, but she's in a coma. She also just got a new set of boobs and they are GREAT. I went to visit her and I said "Honey, your new tits look AWESOME" I swear to you Luke, she smiled when I said that. After I left, a bunch of doctors and nurses rushed in, something about a "Code Blue", whatever that is. I know those horny doctors and nurses just wanted to see her great new tits though.

Well, that's about it for now Luke. I'm trying to decide whether to buy my daughter a boob job for her 15th or 16th birthday. What do you think? Later!

Brian writes: Nothing serious she's in a coma???? I guess that's not serious anymore?

Alexandra Quinn Tour

Alexandra Quinn XXX Superstar! Visiting: Dallas, 5/14-5/16 Houston, 5/17-5/19 NYC, 5/21-5/24 Philadelphia, 5/28-5/30 Alexandra Quinn is the curvy, sensuous wild child who sizzled in over 100 XXX movies before it was discovered she was underage, at only 17! The resulting scandal rocked the adult film industry and spawned headlines all over the world. For a while Alexandra quit making films and dropped out of sight. Now Alexandra's all grown up , but still the same uninhibited performer she always was. She's a knockout, who always gives her all to her movies and her fans. Alexandra is extremely talented as you can tell by the video sampler at http://www.alexandraquinn.com/tour3.html. Ready to make an appointment? Call (212) 253-8222 or e-mail bookings@nycfantasies.com.

Luke Does the Right Thing

Chaim Amalek writes: Hey Luke, re that link you provided to the free movie - CONGRATULATIONS! Other than the problem that the breasts on one of the women appear to be made of an engineered plastic, this is the best FREE HARD CORE PORN I have ever seen on the web! YOU NEED TO PUT MORE OF THIS FREE, HARD CORE PORN ON YOUR WEB SITE. That way, when the church elders you are forever trying to impress find out about it and kick you out of their temple, you at least have this as a readily addressible excuse for your predicament.

Now, I think you should go up one level and emulate the Howard Stern show that Mel Karmazan of CBS profits from. He actually PIMPS OUT porn stars to his fans in order to build his listener/viewer base (e.g., Kendra Jade's colon, and that really nasty looking woman with the fake breasts). There is NO REASON why you cannot have similar contests in which the winner wins the full use of one or more of the orifices of a lady of porn. Think of the notoriety you will get! And should the law try to shut you down, just tell them that you are not doing anything that MILLIONAIRE MANHATTAN JEW Howard Stern, who is a protege of BILLIONAIRE MANHATTAN JEW Mel Karmazan, has been doing on-air for years. And, since this is the sort of thing that RIGHT-WING NAZIS opposed in Weimar Germany, you can accuse the PC police of ANTI-SEMITISM if they try to shut you down.

The big question is this - who will the prize be? Any volunteers from the Ladies of Porn? And what sort of contest should you run? I favor one which rewards those who help you the most. For example, you could tally up who has contributed the most ORIGINAL, PUBLISHABLE material to your site and make that man (sorry, Lynne) the winner.

Quasarman and porn webgeeks of every stripe, eat your hearts out (assuming porners can have one)! You KNOW you wish you had thought of this idea first!

Make yourself a gut yontiff! Chaim Amalek (who is not related to Burton Fields in any way)

Don't Cry For Me, Stephen S. Wise

My first regular synagogue in Los Angeles was the world's biggest synagogue - Stephen S. Wise, located off Mulholland Dr in Brentwood. It has about 30,000 members.

I loved its musical services and the girls I met and seduced there. My friends went there.

I loved the Sabbath morning service most of all, and at the end, after lunch and singing, when we'd gather in a circle and put our arms around each other and sing a goodbye "Debbie Friedman" tune, I'd sometimes get tears in my eyes.

Then the years went by and almost all my friends my age went Orthodox. As did I. And now the "services" are just old fashioned davening, hours of repetitious Hebrew that I barely understand. And the sexes are separated and I no longer seduce anyone.

Why must the most modern and affluent and architectually beautiful shuls, with the hippest prayer services and latest conveniences in theology and morals lose out to the grotty dirty broken-down Orthodox shuls in slummy areas but overflowing with children? While the liberal temples only overflow with old ladies?

Jason Tucker writes: Hey Luke (as a member of the tribe) if you figure out the answer, please let the rest of us know. Whilshire Blvd Temple, though not orthodox, does have a nice turn out of visual pleasures and has a nice upbeat service. I went to SSW for years, school as well as temple and it was a fun time but I always left feeling like something was missing. Oh yeah, I remember, they never incorporated an actual service into their pitch for money. Creative and Performing Arts, nuff said by the title alone. Aish and Beth Am has picked up and is worth a shot. Wow, I feel like a reviewer for BB.