Monday, May 7th, 2001

Reflections On Dr Joseph Slade's Interview

Dr Jay Gertzman writes: Luke: your interview with Joe Slade was excellent. I have been reading his Pornography in America, and you got him to comment on and elucidate some of his strongest concerns in that book. I do not agree with him that pornography legitimizes tabooed sexual behavior by getting some people to see that others share their desires. At least, more has to happen than that pornography exists about a certain behavior before legitimization occurs, since pornography (which Joe defines as depicting sex in an arousing manner) is identified with the obscene and the furtive when social taboos are involved. Does this alleviate or perpetuate shame? I like what he said about the mainstreaming of porn and the way major companies are controlling the market. Your questions about sex and aggression and about individual porn stars were really challenging for him.

Saying Goodbye?

Gregory Bowman writes: Luke, A woman who was until recently very dear to me has lost her mother after a lengthy battle with cancer. My heart goes out to this flower and hopes God looks after her and she finds peace in her path in life. I couldnt help but write this poem about girls in the industry who struggle with their profession and the toll it takes on their families.

A DAUGHTER'S LIE

That day you said goodbye did you realize your fate?

Did you ever consider that your loving mother laid to rest would now know all? Was your time with her of pleasantries or was it time to tell the truth about your life and confess your sins before her fall?

She is with the ancestors of your tribe, she now knows of times long ago and knows about your life. But how can you explain to her your lies and sins before those spirits long past but current in her place of peace?

Do you talk to her from this earthly seat and does she hear your confessions of your life so hidden amidst deceit? Will you ever know a mother's love is pure and without fault? Will you ever know she loves you, will she ever tell you from that mount?

Who do you have now that can hold and love you like a mother's touch? That warmth and care that no one without that pain of birth shall hold so dear. Did you hold her hand as she did yours the day you were placed at her breast? She now is at peace and there is no hand for you to hold, Is your life a lie; do you wish you had told?

Or do you wait for the day that you too, as a mother, will sit and wait, for your love, your life, your daughter... to confess her fate?

Flashman Calls

Flashman says: There is a major adult magazine on the newsstand that's copying what I say on your site in their gossip column. Word for word. They're not saying the Flashman said it or that it came from Luke F-rd. It's just gossip. It's just a column. And it's exactly what I've told you the last few months on the phone. I find it flattering.

Thanks for the announcement about Kimberly's Saturday night porno party. She says that over 200 people RSVP'd for the party after you posted an announcement.

Brazilian Porn Actress Dies Of AIDS

XXX writes from Brazil: "The girl from the pics on the back of the Extreme Associates box (brunette on the left of the pic. I created a 3-D bevel to highlight the pic), don't know her stage name (real name: Daniela), she died of aids."

Gregory Bowman writes: Taken from "Recommendations for Prevention and Control of Hepatitis C Virus (HCV) Infection and HCV-Related Chronic Disease" Morbidity and Mortality Weekly-Centers for Disease Control October 16, 1998 / 47(RR19);1-39

Sexual Activity. Case-control studies have reported an association between exposure to a sex contact with a history of hepatitis or exposure to multiple sex partners and acquiring hepatitis C (40,41). In addition, 15%-20% of patients with acute hepatitis C who have been reported to CDC's sentinel counties surveillance system, have a history of sexual exposure in the absence of other risk factors. Two thirds of these have an anti-HCV-positive sex partner, and one third reported greater than 2 partners in the 6 months before illness (2).

Translation: Up to 20% of reporting of HCV is from sexual risk factors absent of any other risks. In the porn community it may be much much higher due to the HUGE difference of (greater than 2 partners in the 6 mos before illness) compared to a porn actors statistics. Has anyone done a survey of the average number of sex partners in the porn industry? I would say its at least a tenfold increase over the reporting criteria listed above. Up to one in five cases for HCV in cases where they had more than 2 partners in six months. On a porn set that may occur in two hours not six months. Moreover, this does not include the high risk factor of IV drug use which I would assume is greater than the general population. Something to think about. your comments?? Nathans_parable@yahoo.com

Luke Chats With Mike South

South1226: Im good...tired from the ordeal in Cincy....wanna talk about it all tomorrow...its regional so it may not fit your show South1226: but we can try and put a national spin on it
Luzdedos1: ok, pop into the chatroom and well try to get you on
Luzdedos1: elyse wants to be a martyr and you want to crucify the FSC
South1226: hey the FSC is just a ripoff South1226: its ashamed thats the best our industry can do
South1226: but the word is getting out about them finally
South1226: but martyr or not I respect her ballsy attitude
South1226: hell thats what a martyr is actually
South1226: someone with balls who goes down for what they believe
South1226: I keep getting this feeling somewthing big is on the horizon, big news for porn
Luzdedos1: ASHCROFT!!!!!!!!!
South1226: could be and he could end up being a blessing to the biz
South1226: I mean if he tries to take down a biggie like Vivid and loses...we all win
South1226: but honestly I dont see it. bush is a very moderate republican. Austin TX is one of the most liberal cities in the US South1226: I shot at a nude beach there
South1226: as well as on a radio station during afternoon drive time and austin was a pile of fun

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Porn Gossip Columnists

From MikeSouth.com, for the best in Southern fried porno hospitality:

Goddess writes: The following statements have been used to describe Luke F-rd, porn gossip columnist at www.l-keford.com and author of "A History of X": "...aggressive, eloquent, he's a kind of shaggy-haired, acid-washed Brad Pitt [who] serves as the industry's Matt Drudge." The Weekly Standard;

"Ford operates a one-man star chamber rummaging through the private lives of porn personalities." Bob Armstrong, www.xmag.com;

"If he doesn't answer my interview questions soon, I am SO gonna kick his ass." Goddess, in an IM conversation with Mike South, and

"s---, I wish I could sit back on my ass, copying and pasting emails, and earn a living doing it." Everyone Who Has Ever Posted To His Page.

When I first came across Luke's site almost two years ago, my first thought was, "What a strange man. He is writing deliberately inflammatory statements about porn people for no reason," but you know how we all make snap judgements about people and later they turn out to be wrong?

Well, I decided to give Luke the benefit of the doubt and continued reading his site. I am so glad I did. I realized that I was dead wrong. Luke is NOT a strange man who writes deliberately inflammatory statements about porn people for no reason.. He is a strange man who writes deliberately inflammatory statements about porn people for no reason, and speaks with a honey roasted Australian accent.

Seriously, I did learn some things from Luke's site. I've learned that he has some wonderful, intelligent people who read and post to his site almost daily and I've learned that he will not hesitate to squeeze those people dry for a little bit of copy. I've also learned that there is something incredibly cool about a guy who will leave the microphone during his own radio show to go to the bathroom, but the most important thing I've learned is that the only thing funnier than interviewing yourself is interviewing Luke F-rd.

Goddess: *If* (and this is a BIG "if") you could have sex with somebody other than yourself--living or deceased--who would it be? {And *please* don't pick anybody who's deceased, cause that would just add a whole new dimension to the ickyness of Luke F-rd.com}

Luke: Kira Eggers - Danish nude model.

Goddess: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Luke: A writer who's respected.

Goddess: What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Luke: I would write novels. Hemingway, Steinbeck morphed with Luke's worldview, largely set in Jewish Los Angeles.

Goddess: Other than Sybill, who have been your role models?

Luke: Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, George Will, Dennis Prager. Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein.

Goddess: Woodward and Bernstein? I'm guessing that's some sort of a country singing duo? Did you ever have imaginary friends when you were little?

Luke: Yes.

Goddess: Do you still have them?

Luke: Yes.

Goddess: Tell me about them. What are their names?

Luke: The names of my imaginary friends are Chaim Amalek, Helpful, Curious, Aghast, Putative Marc, Rumdar and Goddess.

Goddess: Are you sleeping with any of your imaginary friends right now? I can name at least *one* you definitely ain't sleepin' with.

Luke: No. I've never had sex with my imaginary friends.

Goddess: You told me that when you were little, you would sit for hours in a chair telling yourself stories, did you also play with yourself? And is this where your masturbation obsession began? Luke: I am not obsessed with masturbation. And I didn't begin masturbating until age 16, my junior year in high school.

Goddess: Holy s---, Luke, 16?! My family was more sexually repressed than the Cleavers and even I masturbated when I was 8. Oh, wait.... I was actually 18. I added the 8, but forgot to carry the 10. Never mind. Speaking of obsessions, when did your obsession with Gene Ross begin?

Luke: My obsession with Gene began with reading Adult Video News, including years of it's back issues. Then we had a testy telephone exchange in the Spring of 1996. Then we fought in the summer of 1998.

Goddess: Testy? Phew! For one horrifying moment, I thought you said "testis telephone exchange," and that would have put a whole new spin on the Luke F-rd/Gene Ross relationship. Now back up the Luke F-rd train here a bit.... what was this "testy telephone exchange" all about? Details, please.

Luke: Read my profile on Gene Ross for that.

Goddess: Screw it. If it happened back in 1996, how important can it be? Besides, the only one lazier than Luke F-rd is Goddess. Back to Gene, are you as impressed with Gene's massive biceps as I am? Has he ever let you squeeze his biceps? Have you ever fantasized about doing it?

Luke: No, I have never obsessed about Gene's biceps or his taunt muscular body. Gene is the competition. He is the dean of porn journalists.

Goddess: Hey! Only one of us is permitted to kiss Gene's shapely buttocks and it *ain't* you, Ford! How do you feel about what Gene Ross did-quitting Adult Video News, then telling everyone about the inner workings of the magazine? Do you feel it was a case of the pot calling the kettle black, that he participated and was every bit as guilty, or that Gene was only following orders and was justified in saying what he did?

Luke: I totally support Gene Ross telling the truth about AVN. That he has not been sued for his comments, which have destroyed the last vestiges of AVN's credibility (and publisher Paul Fishebein is fond of using lawyers for this stuff) shows how accurate he was. He's telling the truth from first hand knowledge. His motives are not of much interest to me. I primarily care about people's actions, not their motives.

Goddess: In light of everything Gene revealed, do you feel your reputation was vindicated? I ask this because I remember when you made accusations against certain individuals and practices people accused you of being a zealous nut.

Luke: Yes, I feel totally vindicated in my earlier comments on AVN.

Goddess: A lot of the critics of pornography say the female performers are being exploited. Do you share this view?

Luke: Women who enter porn of their own free will and get paid for doing so, are they exploited? I would not use the term "exploited." Literally it is not true. But I understand what people mean when they accuse pornographers of exploiting women-porn takes the most precious parts of people, of women, and uses something that most people think should be kept private and sacred, for commercial gain. And I think most women, more so than men, inherently find porn revolting and appalling. It is contrary to feminine decency to reveal oneself nude in spread shots. And most women react viscerally and use somewhat wild charges like "exploited." Most women who enter porn are from the working class, have relatively few works skills and rank below average on the Bell Curve. Life exploits such people.

Goddess: Why does Lynne L-patin like you? She seems like such an intelligent woman and for the life of me, I can't figure that one out.

Luke: For my intellect and bold objective news reporting.

Goddess: "Bold objective news reporting"? Hey, Lynne's been holding out on me. What's the URL for *that* site? Why do you never seem to like the women who heart you?

Luke: I dunno.

Goddess: Besides the ability to breathe and walk at the same time, what qualities are you looking for in a woman?

Luke: More religious (Judaism) than I and more moral. And that we have chemistry. It's a plus if she's strong and successful and disciplined.

Goddess: How old were you the first time you had sex? And what magazine were you reading? Okay, just kidding. How old were you the first time you had sex with ANOTHER LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN BEING? Just so there's no confusion.

Luke: I was 21. It was Valentine's Day or around there, 1989. At UCLA dorm.

Goddess: I've read that you were very influenced by Dennis Prager. Did you convert to Judaism SOLELY because of his teachings?

Luke: There were many factors. I sought community, discipline, wisdom, a profound way of life.

Goddess: Where were you in your life when you came across Dennis, and why are you so willing to believe what he has to say?

Luke: I encountered Dennis for the first time in September 1988 when I was starting UCLA. I find him a compelling rational and moral thinker.

Goddess: Why? I've watched Dennis, and no offense to him, but I didn't see anything fascinating about him or his teachings.

Luke: I find his thought very compelling. It is not glib and immediately thrilling.

Goddess: Has anybody ever told you that you have an incredible way of answering without really revealing a thing? Back to my favorite subject: sex. I heard that you don't like to eat pussy. Is that true, and what's the story there? Are you selfish or what? Do you expect a girl to swallow your Jewish load even if you won't eat her out?

Luke: I don't like to go down on women. It's often icky and smelly down there. I'm a vegetarian. I don't expect women to swallow my load.

Goddess: "Down there"??? Enough of the complicated medical terminology, Ford! Speak English so we all can understand you. "It's often icky and smelly down there." I'm curious, have you ever heard of wash cloths? Soap? Water? Or don't they have those things out in Cal-a-forn-eye-a? Now think about this next question VERY CAREFULLY.... would you eat out Kira Eggers?

Luke: I'm not sure.

Goddess: I'm confused as to what being a vegetarian has to do with eating pussy/having your load swallowed?

Luke: I'm generally squeamish and like I've remained a vegetarian all my life and never ventured out, so, too, I remain sexually squeamish.

Goddess: SQUEAMISH??!! Give me a second to scratch my head over that one.since you feel that way, why would you choose to spend your life with a stinky, smelly woman in the first place?

Luke: Because the Torah commands that you should marry a woman and have at least two children, whether you want to or not.

Goddess: If it said in the Torah that you had to jump off a bridge and all your Jewish friends were doing it, would you do it, too?

Luke: Yes, so long as nobody got hurt.

Goddess: Okay, so now you're married to some wench just for the sake of having kids, and you find out the Torah is WRONG? Now what do you do?

Luke: Jesus, you are asking me difficult questions, which are probably way beyond the ken of your audience.

Goddess: Gee, that's too bad, cause most of my audience are people who post to your page. They are gonna be so sad to find out you think they're dumber than sticks.

Luke: Marriage is important and deepening, irrespective of kids. But having kids is even more maturing and deepening, and fulfills the commandment of the Torah. Marriage requires many things. Love is good. And so is commitment to common values, e.g. Judaism, and a common lifestyle-Judaism.

Goddess: Isn't it true that this whole "I'm so torn between religion and porn" is just an excuse to get sympathy [possibly blowjobs] from porn chicks AND Jewish chicks?

Luke: No, it is genuine. I'm not torn between religion and porn. I'm torn between religion and writing on porn.

Goddess: What is the best/worst thing about being the son of a preacher man and have you ever met Dusty Springfield?

Luke: I liked the attention that it brought me, and the contacts with good and interesting people. I did not like that people would tell on me all the time to my dad.

Goddess: What was the worst thing you ever did as a teen?

Luke: Probably the worst thing I did as a teen that my parents never found out about was that I used to buy Penthouse and other sex magazines and use the pictures for self-pleasure.

Goddess: Using them for self-pleasure isn't too bad. Using them to pleasure someone else, well, that's another story. Sometimes right when I'm ready to fall asleep, I start thinking about Mike South and I get all sexually turned on, does this ever happen to you?

Luke: Never.

Goddess: Would your wife be expected to suck your cock AND clean your *ahem* house (and I use that term loosely)?

Luke: Cock sucking is not that important to me. It's a bonus.

Goddess: I'm more worried about the hovel cleaning. So to sum up your sexual situation, your wife does not have to suck cock OR swallow, and you won't be eating her out any time soon, is that correct?

Luke: OY. My reactions to female vaginas are infinitely more complex than your secular reductionistic thinking will allow. I don't think your brain is big enough to stretch around my nuanced and variegated thinking.

Goddess: I understand your reluctance to answer. From what I've read, your nuanced and variegated thinking isn't all that "big." I've also heard that you like anal sex. Is that true? Cause aren't buttholes stinky and smelly, too?

Luke: This sort of prying secular reductionism will not meet with an answer from me.

Goddess: Readers, what this really means is that you'll have to go to Luke's page and read all about his sexual turn-ons in glorious Technicolor there..

Goddess: How would you handle this situation: you're getting a blow job, the BEST blow job you've EVER gotten, when suddenly you get shooting pains up and down your left arm, you start to sweat profusely and you KNOW you're having a heart attack. Do you try to shoot your wad anyway, thus risking death or do you cry out for your mommy and dial 911?

Luke: I'm not sure. I think I would call 9-1-1.

Goddess: Wuss! Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy?

Luke: Don't know any of them.

Goddess: I'll accept that answer, but the correct answer is: who the hell cares?! They should all be taken out and shot. Why are you qualified to write a porn gossip column when you admit you never watch porn?

Luke: I love it when journalists use the term "self-appointed." Who appointed these journalists? My readers qualify and appoint me.

Goddess: Journalists? Self-appointed? Are we reading the same interview questions? If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?

Luke: I'd work harder at school, be more sociable, stay far away from porn.

Goddess: Who are your favorite porn people to poke fun at?

Luke: Paul Fishbein, Steve Hirsch, Edward Wedelstedt, because they don't seem to have much of a sense of humor.

Goddess: If you could have sex with any porn chick, who would it be and why?

Luke: None of them.

Goddess: Not even Kendra Jade?

Luke: Nobody.

Goddess: Okay, Luke, give me some words of advice for young people everywhere who want to become an esteemed porn gossip columnist such as yourself.

Luke: Dear Young People everywhere, stay far, far away from porn. Those who aspire to be like me, you should listen to your parents, stay in school, work hard, get married, have kids, listen to your rabbi/pastor/priest.

Goddess: Thanks, Luke. Oh, and I did learn one more thing about you throughout this interview, and that is you're a damn good sport.

Mr Marcus Loves Jewel DeNyle

Mr Marcus writes: A response to the typed words: Me and any girl mentioned in the same sentence is gonna create backlash especially for those who feel it's their Rod Given right to stop the girl and tell her "No he's a bad black man". Please, I love Jewel with all my heart she is the jewel in my eyes (get it?) What we choose to do with our bodies is our Rod Given rights, so if we want to put them together then we can cause were adults (legally over 18) and make good money doing so and have lot's of fun doing it. So dam would ya just stay off my pubic hairs??? I really love Jewel, she's been on my mind since I've flown into this country a couple of years ago.......mrmarcus.com

Jenna Jameson writes: Hi Luke, just wanted to respond to the guy that called me an airhead. Maybe he should get his facts straight... I am not planning to do any interracial scenes. Nor have I talked about it on my website. I have nothing against Mr. Marcus, in fact I think he is a great guy. The rape was rumored by someone posting on his message board, not by him.

Candy Roxxx Review

Aceman writes on BigDoggie.net: I had the pleasure of spending time with Candy Roxxx.... and I just want anyone who is interested to know that she is an amazing person. There is nothing about her I would change. If you want an experience that will change you...spend time with Candy. I also want to thank this message board... it helped in my decision to meet Candy Roxxx... and it paid off well. Worth every penny and more.

Olivia's Final Tour

hey guys its olivia as you might know this is my last tour. If you would like to see me contact body miricale. after this i will know longer be available for privates, so you have this whole week look forward to seeing you. my email is vpinkkitty@aol.com my web site is finnally up in three weeks. Its going to be alot of fun!! hope to see you soon love ya olivia

Taylor St. Claire Is A Doll And A Really Nice Person

Racerxxx writes on BigDoggie.net: Supposedly, on Luke F-rd's site - she says that she has stopped escorting and do strictly films. Luckily I was able to spend time with a while ago. She is a doll and very nice person.

Come See Sexy Dynamite

Dynamite writes: dancer,publisher of blacktail mag,model come see her at http://www.dynamitesex.com or call for a private show at 914-699-0398 or 212-997-9505. has been in over 50 porn movies.

AVN Lays Off Several Staffers

Adult Video News laid off at least six staffers over the past few weeks. Gone are journalists Ashley Kennedy, Melinda Messenger (Hsu) and Humphrey Pennyworth as well Gay/Bi assistant Johnathan Brown and assistant controller Linda Fuzzard.

Esad writes: Dear Luke, Despite contrary opinions offered in your most recent columns, most of the firings at AVN et al, were strictly budgetary cuts. Even a f---ing idiot/genius like Fishbein has finally seen the light about overstaffing and running your business too fat!

"As far as I'm concerned," says Ashley Kennedy (fearless420@hotmail.com), "the parting was amicable. I still very must respect Paul Fishbein. I don't know how long I will be in Los Angeles. I'm now free to freelance.

"I wore my rollerskates into work one day to see if anybody would say anything. They didn't."

Kennedy did get reproved one day for showing too much cleavage.

From New Orleans, Ashley freelanced for Larry Flynt Publications before joining AVN.

Ashley Kennedy writes: Luke, I worked for LFP in a freelance capacity for a couple of years. I was never on staff, nor have I ever claimed such. Simple misunderstanding, I know, but I think it's important to set the record straight immediately. My own, now folded cut-n-paste rag and AVN aside, I have never ever ever been on staff anywhere, nor have I wanted to be. Not even High Times.... I'd go crazy up in that little office, not to mention NYC in general. Ask any editor in my sordid journalisitc history; I'm really not the corporate type. As a matter of fact, I used to make fun of things like 401k plans and cubicles as I tramped from one end of the world to the other, backpack, laptop and kid in tow. That's exactly how I ended up here last summer... I was only supposed to be gone for three weeks. You see, I take great pleasure in working topless and barefoot with a loaded bong next to my computer, but it certainly wasn't feasible in the AVN office. Actually, I've noticed that most! corporations frown on that sort of thing, despite the fact that it's pretty good for employee morale. Rollerskating is acceptable at AVN, however. Just thought prospective employees should be fully aware of the benefits.

I still haven't looked at your site today, but I can see that you posted the cleavage thing, as my inbox held a request for photos of said cleavage. Heheh. Anyway, it doesn't really matter to me if you post the initial cc, but be aware that Greg and I have correspnded quite a bit over the weekend, and perhaps you'd be better served with a different approach. Let me explain. We are essentially in complete agreement about the need for HCV testing in the adult industry, although I personally think the need is far more pressing in the prison system, where there's a much greater percentage of HCV infection than in the general population.. My issue with his statements stemmed solely from the 85 percent in three years mortality rate he quoted. I want to see the study that supports it. He's pulling the abstracts for me, so that's all good. I feel pretty strongly that his stats are either off, or more tailored to a specific thing, such as liver enzyme elevation of a certain level ! for a prolonged period, rather than just untreated HCV-infected people in general. Do you understand? Anyway, the bottom line is that, yes, adult industry professionals should be getting tested for it, even though it isn't known to be transmitted through vaginal sex, as it's strictly a blood-borne virus. AIM does, in fact offer tests for it. The question is how routinely are they given. Luke, I think you'd be accomplishing more on this issue by picking up the phone and calling Sharon to check the facts of the issue, what AIM has to offer, and what advice she'd give to industry pros so that they may better protect themselves. And education is the best weapon in the prevention arsenal. Don't you agree?

Luke says: I talked Monday morning to former AVN assistant controller Linda Fuzzard (nannycow@earthlink.net), 54 years old. AVN fired her (she started December 13th and was fired May 5th) last week along with her friend Ashley Kennedy.

Linda: "I got blown up for saying 'f---' to the same lady (Elaine Taite, assistant to Darren Roberts) that got upset over Ashley's cleavage. I said, 'I'm just tired of feeling f---ed over.' And I got fired by [AVN Vice-president] Darren [Roberts] an hour later. So I'm looking for work.

"Darren said to me, 'Did you just say to my administrator that you were tired of feeling f---ed over?' I said, 'Yeah. Why? Do you want me to go?' He said, 'Yeah, now. That's no way to talk to my administrator.'

"That woman has been on everybody since the day I was there, minisculing their minutes of their time clock, their phone calls...

"I worked there for five months. They held a closed door meeting. I listened at the door when I heard my AR clerk griping to the CPA. And the next day, when Elaine chewed me out, I said, 'I'm just tired of feeling f---ed over. Why is there a meeting going on behind my back without me in it?' And the next thing I know, I'm history.

"I cleaned up all their books in five months. They got the cleanest statement they've ever had in four years.

"Their books were a mess. I replaced Steve Bryce and a temp. And they had no books. They were a mess. They didn't have [their accouting setup] Mass 90 set up right at all. I reconstructed their whole system so that they now have six income and profit centers.

"I don't know if they got rid of me because they didn't like me. This woman [Elaine Taite] has been on me since I moved in with the controller [Roland Roth] because I needed a place to live. He offered me his 'empty apartment.' But this woman's [Elaine?] son was living there and he's not a well person. And from that minute on, and from that minute on, Elaine was on me like stink on poop. And that happened in January.

"From January to May, I had nothing but daily problems with this woman. And finally, when stuff hit the ventilator last Tuesday...

"Elaine's Gestapo. Darren says, 'I don't need a security system when I've got Elaine.'

"My boss [controller Roland Roth] is using my laptop in Brazil to work every day for the company. He's trying to stay on top of their bank accounts from Brazil..."

Luke: "The company that directly employs you is?"

Linda: "Teddy Communications (owned by Darren and Paul and co) which owns AVNOnline.com.

"The guy before me that Elaine got fired was Steve Bryce. Granted he didn't go a great job in the installation of Mass 90 but he did ok. Steve was there about 18 months.

"That deal with Ashley having to wear a nightgown [for showing too much cleavage] was the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Ashley asked, 'What size breasts would be ok for this dress?' Just constant nitpicking crap [from Elaine]. I don't think she has enough work as an administrator because that's why she's so obsessed with demeaning and putting her employees down."

Luke: "It sounds like she's Darren's right hand man, doing his dirty work?"

Linda: "She is. She's the bad cop, he's the good cop."

Luke: "Darren's his own good cop, bad cop."

Linda: "Yes. I found that out after a few months. I just didn't talk about it.

"They fired Ashley over the phone. That's against the law. They called and cussed at her. I heard the recording. And they didn't pay her three hours they owed her either. That's kind of crappy little company they are."

Luke: "Why did they fire Ashley?"

Linda: "Over childcare issues. She had terrible childcare issues come up. Then they wouldn't let her telecommute. She brought the [six-year old] boy in one day and Elaine was the one who made him leave. She wouldn't let him sit there. And other people would bring their dogs and kids in to work.

"Ashley got blown out the same day I did and we back together the same day to get our checks and our junk. Although I had most of my junk in my car when it happened to me."

Luke: "I know that Paul [Fishbein], AVN publisher, brings his dogs in."

Linda: "There are ten dogs in there all the time. Mine didn't come in the day that Darren said that the people who own dogs are going to start cleaning the carpets.

"There was always tension there. They say this is ok, you are on salary. So you don't get docked and you don't get overtime. But the minute you miss a day, they dock you."

Luke: "Who brings his kid in?"

Linda: "Roland has had his in a couple of times. But she stays in the office. And Ashley cleaned up a spot for her boy. He didn't see anything going on. He had his own little spot. But Elaine went off and the kid had to go home. They're just an unreasonable company.

"If you know anyone who needs a good accountant, especially with the program Mass 90 and Quicken, I'm available and I come with good references.

"This was my first time working in the adult industry. I didn't have a problem with it. That's why I was blown away that I got blown out for saying I felt like I was getting f---ed over. I've heard more smut and dirt... That's part of the office conversation. Though it did make me angry that in my 35 year accounting career, I did break down and cuss during a heated discussion. Normally I don't. This woman finally got to me.

"I don't believe that any of these terminations [recently at AVN] had to do with financial cuts. They were all personal. Particularly Ashley and I.

"This woman [Elaine Taite] should not have the power he's giving her. This is a woman who complains about a dildo on a desk.

"Why is it that Elaine is getting rid of every accountant on that side? She got rid of Steve Bryce, the temp, of me... I know she's not stealing. The books are good. It's all about control. But why is she so obsessed with control of the accounting department when she's an administrator? Down to the point of arguing with Roland where furniture goes."

Luke: "You don't think they keep moving people in and out because they're hiding anything?"

Linda: "To be honest, no. And I've been in that position. I've audited many a dealership and many a company, and I've seen embezzlement and screwing with the IRS. No, they have nothing to hide. They make a lot of money. They just need a clean system. But Elaine is just a total control freak."

Luke: "How many people have been laid off from AVN?"

Linda: "Six at least in the last two weeks. But I know it is not for budgetary reasons. They are going to do some budget cuts but I was not involved in it. And it was not on Teddy's side, it was AVN's side. But I know that these six [firings] were all for personal reasons."

Luke says: I believe that Darren Roberts owns Teddy in name only, due to his divorce from ex-porn star Allison Roberts. If you look at the books and the incorporation papers, you might find Darren doesn't own Teddy.

Linda: "There having some changes there. Their management still sucks. Their chain of command sucks. They say one thing and do another. Roland had warned me early on that when Darren [Roberts] gave me a verbal instruction, to confirm it with an email. It's the kind of company where you do have to watch your back."

Luke: "What is Darren's role at the company?"

Linda: "I'm not real sure other than owner, president or whatever his damn title is. He's in charge. He works closely with the internet people on sales. He gets the funding for the various trade shows. He's acting owner. It's a complex question. What he does is he supposedly runs the place but he does it through managers like Elaine. He invests a lot of money and he takes out alot of money... He's just a nice cute little guy with Gestapo [Elaine] behind him."

Luke: "Is AVN a good place to work?"

Linda: "It's cliquey, secretive, a lot of whispering type company. I think there's a lot of fear of job security around there. I know that I had no job security in my heart and I don't think anybody else does either. At the Christmas party. I'd been at AVN for two days. I arrive at the party and I wondered why everybody was in cliquey groups. I think that if a poll was taken at the office right now, and it was anonymous, I think everyone would say that they felt no job security whatever. A lot of backstabbing, a lot of bad stuff."

Do Porn Stars Ever Watch Their Own Movies For Their Own Gratification?

Pat Riley responds on RAME: 91.7658% of porn stars can't even name the movies they've been in. How would you expect them to watch them at a later date for any reason?

I believe Brandy [Alexandre] has admitted to watching her own movies but I'd be surprised if it was for sexual gratification. Supposedly Stagliano jerks off to his own movies.

Threesome With Nici Sterling, Ryan

Scott writes on BigDoggie.net: OK, Guys! This one is for you! An honest to goodness review of two fantastic ladies who made my dreams come true. I met with Nici Sterling and Ryan for a threesome. I I walked in to the room and Nici was just incredibly the nicest person you ever want to know. She mad me feel so comfortable and we talked and carried on a great conversation. I told her I love the process of sensuality and that I have always had a fantasy of two beautiful ladies and myself. She knew of Ryan and said that it was not all the time she got to do a threesome. When Ryan arrived, she walked in with a smile, and I told her my fantasy, and she said she would like that. Both Ryan and Nici not only were beautiful to be with and look at, but we smiled together and honestly made my dream come true. They were both willing to do what I asked of them, and were just absolutely wonderful to be with. I cannot recommend them any higher. Both can be reached at NY-Exotics.com under Adult Starlets, and NICI from NICISGIRLS.COM made the date for me under her new agency NYC FANTASIES. I believe they can also be reached through www.nicisgirls.com under Porn Stars. Guys, trust me when I say there are no two girls who are better suited to make your fantasy come true than these two. Kisses and lots of love to you, Nici and Ryan!

Mike writes: Luke, I know you are a s---ty reporter but when you cut and paste stories from Big Doggie at least make them valid. Your recent post of Threesome with Ryan Conner and Nici Sterling. If you read the post and posts underneath, it's a wholly different Ryan. So why don't you do journalists a favor and make your site off white journalism instead of stale yellow journalism.

Luke Gets Mail

XXX writes: Dear Luke, I wish to add to Pat Riley's recent comments on the inequality of the sexes. The former Soviet Union provided the ideal test-bed for all ideas of female equality, Marxist dogma dictated that men and women were absolute equals in terms of employment, education etc. After the collapse of communism, the result is plain to see, tens of thousands of well-educated Russian women flee abroad to be the prostitutes of the world. The brothels of Turkey, Europe, the middle East and Israel are brimfull of Russian women, raised in a culture of equality.

Abner Goldberg writes: CHECK OUT GENEROSSEXTREME.COM. THERES A STORY THERE CALLED "Sex-Change Student Fights To Shower With Women'. THERES EVEN A NAVIGATION BAR TO THE LEFT. THE ENTIRE STORY (AND STUPIDLY THE NAVIGATION BAR) WAS CUT AND PASTED FROM THE FOLLOWING YAHOO LINK: http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/6000/20010504/lo/393476_1.html

THIS IS f---ING PATHETIC. WITHOUT GIVING ANY CREDIT, HE SIMPLY CUT AND PASTED THE STORY. EITHER THIS IS COMPLETE PLAGIARISM OR GENE'S A MENTAL GENIUS. REMEMBER WHEN THE SITE BEGAN, GENE AND FRIENDS INTIMATED THAT HE KNOWS ALL THESE SECRETS ABOUT THE ADULT INDUSTRY AND PAUL FISHBEIN? WELL LOOKS LIKE PAUL ASSf---ED GENE FOR GOOD. GENE'S SITE NOW IS ABOUT 90% CUT AND PASTE JOBS OF BULLs--- STORIES NOONE GIVES A s--- ABOUT. I GUESS HE GOES TO ANY NEWS SITE, AND SEARCHES FOR RECENT STORIES ABOUT SEX AND PORN THEN CUTS AND PASTES THEM. THIS IS PROOF. AND THIS IS SO SAD WHAT GENE HAS BECOME. AN OLD MAN WITH A PATHETIC SITE. ONCE A POWERFUL FORCE WHO GOT ASSf---ED AND NOW IS A COMPLETE NOBODY. OBVIOUSLY PAUL IS NOT AFRAID. AND PAULS A MORON. BUT HE'S RICH, AND GENE IS NOW A WORTHLESS LOSER.

ON ANOTHER BYLINE, CALLED "BUGS BUNNY CENSORED", GENE WRITES A STORY OF EARLY BUGS BUNNY CARTOONS CENSORED FOR RACIAL STEREOTYPES. BUT HE WRITES IN THE ARTICLE "What's all the hubbub about, bub? A story Tod Hunter missed, that's what."

AS IF TOD HUNTER OR Luke F-rd OR ANYONE WITH A SITE FOR ADULT GOSSIP WOULD EVER WASTE SPACE ON AN ARTICLE THAT WAS AGAIN RIPPED OFF FROM THIS LINK: http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/eo/20010504/en/bugs_bunny_banned__1.html

THIS IS TOO SAD.

Is Luke Truly Jewish?

Lads, the authenticity of my Jewishness has been questioned. And those Orthodox Jews who know me well, won't vouch for me. What's a porn journalist to do aside from whipping out his circumsized member?

Rumdar writes: Another fair-weather friend eh!..Levi tell, Rabbi Whatshisname that you have the full faith and credit of Rum. I have never doubted you commitment to Torahistic activity. Why else would you sit and study Torah hour after boring hour. Just to meet a rich Jewess or some Hollywood screenwriter who could help your errrrr! career? BTW when are you joining EST?

Chaim Amalek writes: Est shmest. Luke reminds me of a Norwegian woman I used to know who converted to ultra-orthodox Judaism and then (while still purporting to be a jew) became a Wiccan, with her own coven. Next stop Scientology?

Helpful writes: A good idea as they purport to be able to cure homosexuality. Just look at John Travolta, er ... um ... I mean Tom Cruise ... er scratch that.

Rumdar writes: Let's go one step further. The Branch Dividians need a new leader. And no need to worry about Janet Reno anymore.

Helpful writes: How about replacing Anton Lavay in the Satanic Church? I suspect that they are not so judgmental on porn careers.

Fred writes Luke: Boy, I'm confused.

You decide you want to joint a religion, but you don't really believe the tenets of that religion. Nonetheless, you decide to tell the clergy that in fact you do believe, even though you don't. Thereafter, you tell some of them that you don't believe in those tenets.

So they call a meeting of the inquisition to see if you're a heretic (ironic, huh?). And you want to plan a defense, because you don't want to be thrown out of a religion that you don't believe in. I guess if it were me, I would see what the last guy in your situation did. Unfortunately, I'm not sure whether there was a last guy in your situation, because I'm not sure anyone has ever done what you did. But I guess the question is really this.

1. Exactly what question or issue will the Rabbis at the Bet Din try to answer?

2. Exactly what will you tell them?

3. What would you have a character witness say? (If they cross-examine the character witness, I don't think any of us would be good character witnesses. I don't think I've ever met you, and our correspondence is largely based on a web site you write about pornography. I assume that at least some of this might come out. Plus, no character witness could ever testify as to what another person believes.)

4. Exactly how does the Bet Din [Jewish Law Court] procedure work? Is there a prosecutor? Is it just a discussion between you and them? Do they call witnesses?

5. When is this event going to occur?

6. What happens if they decide that you don't believe? Do they declare that you're not really Jewish?

7. Is there any form of compromise back-pedalling you could do, i.e. comment that you think that some of the stuff in Exodus was really a metaphor? Would that work? Or would that be just as bad? You need to map out exactly how this works and what you plan to say.

Actually, my sister used to be very orthodox, and one of her kids is very orthodox. I suppose my nephew might have some interesting ideas. My sister is not a very strict adherent to the faith, so she might be willing to engage in a candid exchange of ideas. My nephew is a true believer, and if he knew all the facts, he might turn you in.

Things could be worse--if this was 16th century Spain, and you converted to catholicism, they would probably burn you at the stake.

BTW, you could say that you never lied when you converted, and that at the relevent time you did believe what was in Exodus, but it is only now that you are troubled by doubts by recent articles you heard about concerning archeological evidence or some such thing. Or you could say that remarks you may have made to one Rabbi or another might have been more in the nature of intellectual probing in a sort of Socratic fashon rather than recanting your faith.

You know, the truth is that you probably agree with 90% of Judaism. In the Western world, for 95% of the people, when they say "I believe in the XYZ religion", they really mean "I beieve in about 80-90% of the tenets of the XYZ religion."

Very few if any American or European Catholics believe in 100% of Catholicism. Very few if any American or European Jews believe in 100% of Judaism (other than the Hassids). Very few if any Presbyterians believe in 100% of the tenets of that faith. For some reason, you insisted on joining one of the few religious groups that demand 100% adherence (or at least demand that you don't disavow 100% adherence). (I think it is because you enjoy the spirit that animates and accompanies these sorts of people.)

Ya know, I just visited my father, who is 79 and in bad health. This might be the last time I ever see him. This is a man who forced me, against my will, to go to religious school and services from the time I was about 5 or 6 to the time I was 17 (which I hated). This is a man who went to shul every Saturday for his entire adult life. So I asked him, Dad, do you really believe all this stuff about being slaves in Egypt? And he said "Of course not." I coulda slugged him.

Frankel writes Luke Levi: Glad things are going well with ... Just keep in mind that everyone has an "ideal" picture of what porno is, and when they come into contact with the real thing... well the sewer is a shock, and the fact that's it's half your life is hard to reconcile. She might be truly repelled.

I have a question. This grows out of the whole Exodus thing. You told me that you basically agree with the position that it never happened. That it's a myth. If so, did you lie when you converted? Because to convert with an Orthodox Beit Din, you have to accept the Torah.

Luke says: When push comes to shove, in any question like you pose, when I'm confronted by an orthodox rabbi or beit din or the like, I believe everything I am supposed to believe. God grants me the gift of faith when I most need it.

Truthfully, I don't know where I stand on the Exodus thing... I accept the Torah as a divine religious document, I don't look to it for zoology, history, or geology.

Yaakov writes: And get rid of the material about your participation in that porno film on your website. If you don't get the distinction between writing about porno and taking port in a porno film than you're really whacko. And why would you hesitate to delete that material? It's certainly not journalistic ethics. And it's beyond narcissism. It's "personality disorder."

Levi: I get it. You can tell me about getting fellatio from a whore, but not about whether you are Jewish or not. Makes perfect sense. It is, however, good to know that some things in your life are sacrosanct, and will not appear on your website.

Curious writes Luke: Why are they so exclusionary? In Christian churches if your check cashes, you're in.

Luke Levi asks: Will you still be my friend if I turn out to be a gay goy?

Helpful writes: You are not gay. Your apartment is too messy.

Yitzhock writes Luke: Anyone who habitually and relentlessly jokes about being gay has obviously got some serious issues to work out. Someone who is completely hetero, such as yours truly, never even imagines such jokes about themselves.

Fred writes: I was a major discipline problem in Hebrew school. I was thrown out fairly often. This caused some consternation, as my father was the president of the shul. Very early on, I decided a) the stuff they taught you in public school was important, because that was how the world at large did its credentialling; and b) the stuff they taught you in religious school was useless and boring.

1. I never learned Hebrew. I can transliterate, if somebody provides all the dots and dashes, but I can't translate. In short, 11 years of hebrew school left me illiterate.

2. I can say that I learned a version of world history to which I would not otherwise have been exposed. History curricula tends to be written from somebody's perspective, and when taught world history in the public schools, you don't really get a flavor for the atrocious behavior of Europeans. You also don't get much of an education re ancient history (e.g. the varous and sundry empires and peoples that came and went and were mentioned in the Old Testament like the Persians, Babylonians, Assyrians, etc.).

3. Hebrew school did not make me a religious person.

4. The only times I've been to services in the last 15 years is for things like weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs.

5. My ex-girlfriend is currently a Presbyterian but raised Episcopalian. Every once in a while, I compare notes with the sort of things she learned during the course of her religious education, both at the hands of the Presbyterians and Episcopalians. I get the distinct impression that main line Protestant religious education is pretty meagre. They get spoonfed the stuff in the Gospels, but in general they have no idea of where Christianity and its doctrines came from. They have no idea about the various and sundry groups that competed, fought and killed each other to control what would come out as official church doctrine. They have no idea who the Arian heretics were, the gnostics, Manicheans, etc., nor do they really know where the Nicean Crede came from.

I once asked my girlfriend whether the Presbyterians still believed in predestination. (This, of course, was one of the defining features of the Presbyterian church when it came into existence--almost its raison d'etre.) She looked at me like I was nuts, and then told me she didn't have a clue. (I decided that she must have been predestined to not have a clue. When it is time for her to go on to her afterlife, she will not be given proper directions, and will spend eternity lost somewhere.)

The Old Testament is a big mystery--a black hole in the knowledge of typical main line protestants. I think I would have preferred to get maybe two or three years of the historical discussion and then be done with it. If somebody is absolutely not interested in a religious education, it's silly to drag them into it.

On another note, I seem to recall that your father was disciplined by the 7th Day Adventist Church for deviating from church doctrine. Would it be accurate to say that you are following in his footsteps? (Or at least if not following, moving in some parallel path.) I wonder if he has any words of wisdom regarding your appearance before the Bet Din. After all, he's been through the drill (or something like the drill) before.

MHJ writes: Orthodoxy is the Jewish equivalent of Christian fundamentalism. I was raised orthodox but had the good sense to leave it. If you like being told what to do (and when), what to eat, how to dress, how to have sex and when -- and with whom, what to think, etc., then Orthodoxy is for you. But abandoning Orthodoxy does not mean abandoning Judaism. I am more of a Jew now than I ever was growing up because I made a conscious choice and joined the Reform movement. In my opinion Reform (real, Classical Reform, not the watered down quasi-orthodoxy-plus-guitar-music-Reform so popular these days) is TRUE Judaism. Judaism is not and should not be stagnant, it should be evolving, flexible, open, and real. Most of the world's Jews are NOT Orthodox, and for good reason.