Sunday, April 29th, 2001

Flashman Update

Flashman says: Everybody is going to Billboard Friday night for [porn star] Haven's birthday party thrown by Jill Kelly Productions.

Thirty photographers were at Hustler Hollywood Thursday night for Jill Kelly's party.

I was a gifted kid. I had an IQ over 150. I always fit in better with the Jews than the Gentiles. The older I get, the more I find that there are an awful lot of people who don't like Jews. I don't know what the reasons are.

A lot of the girls who get boobjobs say that they love them. I am the first one to admit to you that nothing looks better than an 18-year old UCLA coed with perfect breasts. But as women get older and have babies, these things change. Julia Roberts say she doesn't want to have kids because she fears losing her 23 inch tummy. I think Houston, Jenna and Jeanna Fine look better with the augmentation.

Luke, I will be honest with you. Everything bad said about me on your site is from people who don't know me. They've never met me. I'm the furthest thing from a bad Jew. I'm a bright sensitive guy who loves to talk.

Concerned writes: I am sitting here looking at a photo of persecuted secular Jew and uber-pimp, Flashman, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why people on the street harass him so much. Are they anti-Semites or just the fashion police?

Animal Videos Get Nastier

Ridley99 writes on RAME: there is a porn shop on 8th ave that sells animal tapes. use to be the tapes were about 10 years old at least but recently there has been a flood of new stuff.

one such video is entitle 2 girls with a horse. which features amazingly enough real penetration. the girl bends over and actually gets the horse's massive member into her pussy we see the horse literrally bucking its hind legs trying to f--- deeper onto her. it gets in at least 8 inches or so then pops out. this horse also cums alot, so when the 2 girls are sucking on his dick they keep getting mouth fulls of cum.

also there was another video with spanish girls which also featured penetration, but not as goos as the other, one girl lies under the horse and another girl tries desperately to get the hores dick in the girls pussy she suceeds for a couple of secounds. I also saw a video which claimed it was an american actrees f---ing a dog i think her name was Kelly or maybe Kerri she looked blonde and skinny. anybody know anything about this. [MOD: could be both, Kerri Downs & Kelly Girafe both have done such scenes -- Frans] things are sure getting nasty in the animal kingdom.

I hit the mid town manhatten porn shops the last few weekends .here are some of the things i noticed as well as some questions

1. the guys in these shops always try to keep the boxcover, those this mean they are making thier own copies in the back room. s---ty copies. they use to always ask if you wanted to keep the boxcover, but last week one guy just put the video in a white cassette box and began to wrap it up i had to stop him and tell him,no i want the boxcover. he looked annoyed.

2. i don't see too much Max Hardcore stuff anymore, why?

3.Ed Powers is up to about 200 in the dirty Deb collection, does anybody real buy those tapes anymore

4. Don't see anything new by Guage

5. Nymp videos are a rip off, they sell 4 hour compilation tapes of bulls---, the theme on the box never relates to whats in the video. when Rauch O Rame did compilation tape they were honest about keeping the theme and the content together.

6. is the 4 finger club video series any good, they up to about # 20 but at 20 dollars a tape i can't risk it.

7. don't see Ron Jeremy in anything. read on RAME how Ron was in a vid with black girls with lots of anal can't find it any where.

8. west coast productions have a ton of s--- out there now, but all the black girl in the boxcovers look like plain Janes or should i say Plain Janets. these black produced tapes seem to care more about the guys in the tapes then the girls.

9. don't see anything special out there in the way of sexy fresh faces, and i am looking.

10 saw a tape titled Roccos initiations, in which Rocco is scene with about 20 girls on the boxcover. i think Roccos stuff sucks. how is this tape. head down to the stores this weekend can anybody recommen anything new and nasty.

Battle Of The Internet Porn Whizkids

When we left the story of Dayton, Ohio internet whizkids Matt Brandenburg vs Ryan Levi, Ryan was telling us about the oppressive anti-Semitic atmosphere he worked under.

Ryan: "Where do you think I got my nickname Dr Dreidel? My first day there they went out to a gas station and came back and said, 'We're going to call you Dr. Dreidel. 'Dr' because you're smart and 'Dreidel' because you're Jewish. The whole time I was there it was Jew this, Jew that. 'Oh, you got Jewed.'

"It was funny the first time but it continued and continued and it got really bad at the new office. Matt was buying German beanie babies of Hitler. 'Here's your Hanukkah present.' What do I say about that? It was my boss. I dropped out of school for this kid. I would do anything for this kid. But, not only is he lying about how much he is getting paid...

"So I left Matt on good terms. He was crying... I said, 'You're probably involved in some s--- that I don't want to be involved in.' I'd be sitting there working on my computer and the next thing you'd know, there'd be a driveby and I'm dead. I don't want that happened.

"The worst of my fears already happened on my birthday, December 24th. We went to Wallmart in his new S500 with Tyler. I lived with Tyler and Matt. Tyler is a moocher. He's mooching off people. Now he's following me around. I'm over here with Sheriff and JayMan and he's trying to move in with us. And I'm not going to let him. Because he just falls from one rich person to another. He never works but he always wants to talk about what he wants... And he'd joke around too about the Jewish thing. Just out of nowhere, 'You stupid Jew.'

"And then when they started up on the Holocaust, I flipped. They thought it was funny, the faces I made when I flipped. There was nothing I could do about it. I got treated like s--- and I was underpaid.

"I'm a quiet person and I don't like to discuss things with people, especially something like that. I got f---ed big time and it's not something that I wanted the world to know. But now I realize that it is ok. Because if I hadn't gotten f---ed, I would still be the little pussy that I am.

"Since he f---ed me, I've realized, 'Damn, that could be my Lamborghini. That could be my S500. That could be my two houses. And I've had to start all over again, which has made me a complete dickhead and a good business person.

"That's why I'm telling my story now. I'm over it hurting me.

"I came into this a virgin. He's been my role model since I was 16. I wanted to live elaborately like him.

"He taught me the completely wrong way to do business. He took people's money to design sites and take care of customers. Well, I designed the sites and took care of the customers to the best of my ability. He never helped out. Matt went from f---ing kids in the car clubs, 'Yeah, you too can make millions by getting a porn site from me for $15-25,000,'...

"It was so hard to listen to his customers. They'd say, 'Matt said I'd make $20,000 this month and I haven't even made $2000, dude. What's up with that? It's so hard to listen to them because I feel [for] 'em. And I covered Matt's ass all the time and I made them believe that he was a good person.

"Thank God that I am still friends with them [Matt's customers]. They still call me daily. A lot of them, their sites have been shut off. Chargebacks have f---ed them.

"We had a customer who did landscaping. And he came in, wanting to invest $50,000 in alien porn. We were going to build a studio and do this alien porn. It was this guy's idea. But before signing any contracts, Matt goes out and buys every domain he can think of for alien sex. And takes over the idea.

"Work is my passion. I can not live without working. I guess it runs in my blood. My dad is an auto mechanic. He was born in Israel and worked on cars all his lives. I got into computers when I was six and I've been doing it ever since. If I go a day without computers, I go crazy.

"I wasn't looking at the fact that I was getting f---ed. And everybody was telling me that I was getting f---ed. No, I was looking at me and Matt coming up with an idea and we'd make millions. That's what he'd implanted in my head. Because he was so sincere about it. You'd understand if you were in my shoes.

"His parents would usually stop by the house and give him money because he's as broke as a joke now. His parents did all the bills. And now his parents don't have a good name because they own a music store and the guy that was going to buy the music store, they f---ed him out of a quarter million dollars. I got involved with some bad people."

Luke: "How does Matt have all these nice cars if he doesn't have any money?"

Ryan: "He spammed his porn sites like lezboteens.com. He told everybody that it was free. They all joined and put their credit card in because they thought it was for age verification. And boom, they got charged. He grossed about $650,000 last year and he spent it all on cars.

"I guess there was a new law that you couldn't have more than 2.5% chargebacks. Matt made his money before this law.

"We came up with this site Mediaripper. Instead of Napster. You could rip any kind of media. I told him that his lawyer would not say yes to it. We worked on it for a few days and it turned out phenomenal. And it worked perfectly. But the lawyer said no."

Luke: "Is Matt connected with bigger players?"

Ryan: "Only YNOTBob because Matt buys space for Gaywatch and TotalXposure on YNOT.

"My parents kicked me out when I was 16 because I was doing this.

"[After leaving Matt] I moved in with my good friends Stink [a stoner] and Amanda. Amanda happened to be a stripper at that strip club Diamonds Cabaret owned by [silent owner] Lou Liakos and Scott and Luke. [They're doing TotalXposure.com with Matt Brandenburg.] And Sheriff's office [Ryan's new employer] had to be just down the street. It was all convenient. I could spy on Matt and see what he was doing. And see who I could trust and who I couldn't trust.

"Amanda is a successful stripper and has a really nice house. So I lived there and invited my girlfriend to live with me. And her girlfriend came to live with us too. So here's me and Stink living with three strippers in a big house.

"I'm working my ass off at Sheriff's. I'm talking, I'm getting four hours sleep a day. The rest of the time I'm either working or jerking off.

"I explained to my girlfriend. 'Look, I am trying hard to make it. I need to do something in this industry because I am too caught up in it. I do good work from what I'm told.' And she completely understood it. Or so I thought. The whore was f---ing my roommate Stink. She was f---ing Stink every time I went to work. Stink was Amanda's boyfriend. He's nothing but a big stoner. He sits around all day, eating, and watching TV. He lives off of his girlfriend.

"BigA was telling everybody that I was a cokehead. I've never done coke. And he was the only one I thought I could trust. BigA is not a drug dealer. His buddy was a drug dealer. BigA came from Myrtle Beach. He didn't have a job either. He was just sitting on his ass waiting for this settlement to clear.

"He was driving his bike and this lady came around the corner and she hit him and dragged him under her tire and messed him all up. And I guess he's getting a big settlement and he says it was enough to make all of us happy for ten lifetimes over. And that was enough for me.

"Amanda was going to the strip club and talking s--- behind my back. And then there's a photographer that used to take pictures of Amanda. And he got her to Penthouse. And she didn't even thank him. He's got a personal vendetta against her.

"Well, it's a small world. I happen to meet him through Sheriff. He wants me to do some side work for him. He wants me to send me back to school and he wants to get me on my way in the mainstream area.

"I'm 19. I don't know where I am going with this. I ain't got s--- to lose. I'm going to try anything.

"What a crowd I got into. These were my buddies. They took care of me. Who cares if they were stoners with no jobs. They were living off their girlfriends. If I had a girlfriend who stripped, then I would live off of her. Cool. But I've already made a pact with myself that I would never have anything to do with a stripper. Any girl who takes her clothes off and dances is broken inside."

Luke: "Wasn't your girlfriend a stripper?"

Ryan: "When I started dating her, she wasn't. But when she moved into the house, Amanda convinced her to. I told her, 'If you do something stripping, I won't have anything to do with you.' The next day she came up to me and said, 'I got this job at Cheeks Cabaret.' And I was like, 'Ok, I am not having anything to do with you.'

"Not only was she f---ing Stink, she brought guys home. Dude, she was f---ing in my bed. She was f---ing other guys in my bed. The bitch isn't even smart. She has pictures. She has f---ing pictures."

Luke: "Was she charging these guys or doing them for free?"

Ryan: "She was doing them for free, man. She was bringing them home from the club. I even caught her. I would watch leave the club. She'd get in her car dude and f--- some guy in the car and then expect me to get sloppy seconds.

"When I found this out, I was enraged. I got f---ed by Matt. I got f---ed by these people. They threw all my s--- out on the lawn when I found all this out. I got home and all my stuff is outside except for my king size bed which they're f---ing in. Stink and my girl. They left the window open so that I would hear it. I was like f---ing enraged.

"Stink came to the door and I just went at him. And she was just standing there on the phone. So I take all my s--- and hop in my car. I say, 'f--- the bed. They can have hit.' And Sheriff lets me move into his condo.

"Sheriff used to work with Matt but he left because he saw how Matt f---ed people over businesswise. Sheriff's been paying me well. I met Jayman.

"I hear that one of the guys from Matt's GayWatch is going on MTV."

Matt Brandenbug writes on Netpond: Ryan [Levi], This is the last message i will post unless my name is brought up again or i am asked to respond to something, im sorry that you did not work for 6 months straight and forced me to make you quite or work (you CHOOSE to quite and not work therefor at the end not getting paid...uhh duh) i remember when you had this same (actually worse) hatrid for sherif you were "going to kill that cammel jockey asshole" <-thats a quote now your working for him again, im sure sherif knows this as well i just hope that his ignorance does not bite him in the ass (sherif i wish you would have learned the lesson when he was teaching it... he is NOT trustworthy) but thats life, regardless i wish both of you the best in life and business and feel free to make me more sales (i just made one off of l-keford.com, thanks :) Great night to all...

Flynic1@aol.com writes: I dont mean to add fuel to the fire in the DrDreidle [Ryan Levi] vs. Matt issue but I have to back up a coworker and friend when in need. I have been friends with Dreidle for 2 years and have even taken him in off the street when his own parents kicked him out of the house when they found out what he did for a job. Dreidle from day one was hypnotized by matt and TDten. Dreidle gave up everything for him. He burned so many bridges he eventually had no one left but Matt. Matt messed with dreidle's self-esteem so much I often saw driedle just erase days and even weeks worth of work because Matt told him it wasnt good enough. Matt tortured dreidle with lavish promises that never came to pass. Many times I heard Matt say that he would purchase dreadle an Acura NSX if he finished a certian project. Unfortunately it was always finish this next project and I swear I will get it for you. For three months Dreidle talked to me about going to "vegas" for the AVN online conference. He was so pumped about going to "vegas" that the hint of word would send him into a talkative fury. When the time came for everyone to leave for vegas it seems that dreidle was some how left out. "Oh driedle things are kinda of going bad lately I cant afford for you to go". So dreidle was left in Ohio while all his coworkers went to party and do business in vegas. At the time dreidle had now car and since Matt Brandenburg(who dreidle lived with at the time) was in vegas dreidle was forced to walk to his work everyday. He WALKED to work in Jan. !!!!!. I dont know if you know but Ohio jan. are hell. This personally was the last straw for me. I couldnt let a friend be treated like this. I took dreidle to lunch and gave him his first meal in 2 days b/c his boss (in vegas) somehow forgot to leave him any money. We sat and talked about the situation and things were not good. This young promising web-designer was torn down emotional to the point he could no longer take. He had been kicked on and beating on too long. 2 weeks later Dreidle left Matt, and since that day driedle has come so far. I dont mean to turn this into a drama board but I have to back him up. I never did business with matt so I can not comment on that aspect of him but I personally wouldnt want to do business with anyone who uses a form of sweatshop-slave labor to produce hisor her products or services. Dreidle is the best worker I know and I cant have anyone stomp on him and then deny ever hurting him. That is all I have to say... thank you for your time...

NoName writes on Netpond: This is regarding Matt Brandenburg. Last summer I gave Matt thousands of dollars to produce a pornographic website. Matt told me that this would be profitable and that I needed to act fast. So I did. Today I have gained nothing but a loss of thousands of dollars. This is the first time I have been on this message board, and the last. I have nothing other to say except for the few of you doing busienss with Matt, deal at RISK!

webmaster@0to60ohio.com writes: i would like for a few things to be known about a Matt Brandonburg.. For one his clients are treated like crap i can test to this only cause when i came to him for our site and a few other sites he couldn't ever give me a straigh forward answer which in my eyes as a "business pro" as he so called himself should be able to do on demand and which he didn't his cut back and drug uses after i got to know him was another big deal i read a few things about him on diff boards and i know all of it to be true not just people saying things but people telling the fact that have been hidden from everyons eyes for so long Matts name in Dayton, Ohio used to be a name to look up to but if you really look into things it's everythign to look down on and not just him as a person but his company poor business discission lack of designer to do work and another big thing on that part is the use of good ppl to do wrong things like a Ryan Levi which i have read his boards and is a really smart young guy who is really great with everthing that matt couldn't do so it went to Ryan better known as Dr. Dreidle so in otherwords dreidle was his eyes ears and is work dog (slave) for which he never got anything hardly 20 dollars a day!! image being young and mom and dad never giving you any moeny for the skate park or candy what would you do nuthin and thats how things seemed to be with Matt.not only was dreidle his worker but his roommate taxicab driver in a way when Matt lost is Dl's for speedin in a lambo so from me to everyone that wants to or does business with matt be wared things aren't as good as they look from the outside as they are from the insid!!!!!

Matt Brandenburg replies on Netpond: Dreidle... Wow lowering yourself to posting on the board acting like other people saying bad things about me... Damn man i had no idea you were this messed up in the head... i feel sorry for you man, really i do :)...

In this business there is no such thing as bad publicity and dreidle just proved it to me... i have made 3 big content sales off of him trying to upset me by posting my company .coms all over the net... its semi flatering at the least that he would go out of his way and take up his time to attempt to make me look bad and most of the comments are sincerely ammusing.. i thank you for a much needed laugh dreidle :)

Ryan Levi responds: There is this little number thing called an IP. something you should know about, but since i did all your work you wouldnt know that now would you? And actually no these are the people you pissed off and now they hate you. three words class action lawsuit! And and i really feel sorry for you monkey boy =)

Sheriff aka Staff@Xwebcash.com writes on Netpond: First of all, Matt posting that he made Ryan Levi 100k in six months in a totally false statement. I spoke with Matt yesterday regarding this situation and asked him if he wrote checks out to Ryan his response was no but I gave him a place to live, fed him every day.....um I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that Ryan's rent and food added up to 100k over six months. If that was the case then I probably wouldn't have him as a partner in my company LOL!!

And regarding this comment by Mr. Brandenburg "i remember when you had this same (actually worse) hatrid for sherif you were "going to kill that cammel jockey asshole" <-thats a quote now your working for him again" The only reason Ryan said that is because Mr. Brandenburg filled his head with lies about me. So far, everybody that worked with Matt and left has come to me to talk business. After talking to them they all said "You know you're not as bad as Matt made you out to be."

Yesterday Mr. Brandenburg claimed to have connections with all the presidents in the porn industry. If any of those people would like to speak on his behalf please feel free to post on the boards. I know for a fact that there are several key people in this business that will speak highly of Ryan Levi. There is one more person that met Mr. Brandenburg and myself in Miami almost two years ago that is VERY reputable in this business. I will ask him before I post his name but he believes the same thing most of us believe. Mr. Brandenburg has a habit of streching the truth on several occasions.

Regarding Snikks message. I agree with you 100% Snikks. This is not the most professional way to handle this situation but Mr. Brandenburg has been threatening Ryan Levi and making false statements about the success of his business to others. I feel that these posts are more for people who have not dealt with him to double check before they do business with him or anyone else in this business. I have a college degree and consider myself a fairly mature person. I would not run my mouth and post on here unless I felt it was extremely necessary because there is a lot of personal feelings here. But the truth of the matter is this has been a long time coming and we all have to make our experiences known.

Hippy writes: Myself and my business partner went to Matt Branderburg about an Adult Website. I was friends with Matt so he said $10G for everything to be done and then I buy a mailing. He also told us that Gay sites were the best way to go at that time and said we would make our money back and he also promised that it would only take 2-8 months, at the most, to make our money back and start to turn a profit. Well due to certain circumstances the site was launched a few months later and we eventually leveled out with minor profit but the business part of Matt that was there before he had our money was not there afterwards. He wouldn't return phone calls and did not give us much support on anything after he had the money. Just wanted to let everyone know of my experience with Matt and I will not deal with him anymore regardless of how much he Promises. Just as a caution to everyone, Matt will convince you of things that sound like an advantage to you, but are really only Matt's advantage (ex. Money)

RawAlex writes on Netpond: A week ago, nobody would have known Matt whateverhisname is from a streetwalker. All of a sudden, he is on this board, in Luke F-rd, and basically the topic of the day. Can anyone say "Play the media"? Sorry folks - look past your noses and realize that someone is trying to market themselves and their product.

Washiez writes on Netpond: Alex- You may be right. But I have to wonder if it being on l-keford is a bad thing. They keep l-keford busy with s--- we wouldn't read if we were drunk stoned and had a knife to our throat. I wouldn't call that good publicity? :P

Raw Alex responds: Enough people read Luke's oddball site that things become a topic of discussion. This is really starting to remind me of a good Serge piss... everyone getting their names, their links, and their products out in front of an audience who keeps reading and keeps checking out what they are up to. Consider what netpond charges for banner space, having to put up with Luke F-rd is nothing.

Andrea Thompson CNN Nude Newscaster Controversy Rages

Curious writes: Curious writes: Luke, you hypocrite! You criticize CNN reporter, Andrea Thompson, for her soft-core porn past while you actively covet a mainstream reporting job when you have a HARD-CORE past. I can just see you as a corespondent for CNN now ...

Scott Lawrence writes: Luke, this broad can't work at CNN-she's not cross-eyed! Women should not be in the news biz. I mean, what with THE CURSE every month, it would severely limit their ability to handle breaking news (and other than Walter Cronkite nobody wants a bloated newscaster).

And stand your ground Luke! Don't retract. Like with Marc Wallice, you are right about this.

I find it amusing she defends that Black and White spread but declines to mention Midnight Gigolo. And for Amber(another angry stripper), don't worry about the high school dropout Andrea- I hear Robert Lombard needs a blond for the new Showtime series NUDES AT ELEVEN. Andrea will be pefect!

Damian writes: Why is there a question as to thether or not Andrea Thompson is qualified to read the news? Of course she is. She has no high school diploma and no journalism background (until her first job in TV news reporting recently), that's true. But what qualifications are needed? A pleasant appearance and the ability to read news off the teleprompter are about it. The other news readers have better qualifications? Really?

The real reason there is an uproar in the news industry over this is because it points out what little qualification one must have to do this job. Hell, it's not like they were doctors or something, they just read the news. Give me Andrea Thompson or Laurie Dhue any day of the week. Oh, and I hope Laurie doesn't have immense journalism credentials. It would ruin her image as my sex object.

Goddess writes: You can pick either a nude Dan Rather or a nude Andrea Thompson to read your news to you, Lukey baby. *NOW* which one would you rather have? A wrinkly old college diploma or hot ta-ta's...what's it gonna be?

Porn star Ruby writes: Luke, You absolutely have the right to make stupid, chauvinistic comments. I also have the right to say, women are more advanced than men in their thought patterns, men have more simplistic thought patterns, which makes them better at simple direct tasks. We could argue superiority all day but such arguments bore me. To really be honest, who wants to be a reporter, I'd rather own the whole friggin corporation!!! I could out intellectualize Chaim any day!! Also, I don't think you have CFS, I think you might have clinical depression, because you have those symptoms too. You shouldn't spend more than 3 hours at a time on the computer, and take at least an hour break in between. How come you never write me back? I really like sending e-mail and your helping me learn to type better.

Luke says: I've been too depressed to write. And I keep the Jewish Sabbath, from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. That means I can't answer the phone, so I missed your call.

Ruby replies: Luke, Whoops!! So you have to give up all modern conveniences, like lent or fasting. I hope you don't have to give up your favorite hooker!! None of the guys at the bar are partying, and I broke my glasses by laying on them, and I feel naked without them, even though I have contacts. What does Jim look like? Does he have a house in Tahoe? Some idiot came up here named Jim, partied with me and a couple other girls, trying like hell to get us to give him a BJ without a condom and I had to yell at him, his name was Jim. What a bad party! Oh well, occasionally you get a dud!! I got a lot of clients from L.A. the day after I did your show, thanks!!

Luke says: Jim looks like an aged hippie. He's about 250 pounds and 5'10. I do not believe that he has a house in Tahoe.

Lynne wants to know: Most garbage collectors are men. If women were to get into that field, would the glamor go out of it?

Helpful writes: Pornlets wake up!

Rumdar writes: Are you saying there is little chance we will be seeing Lynne Lopitan read the six o'clock news in the near future?

Helpful writes: The only time you will ever see her reading on the news is when she reads her hostage demands to the media as she is barricaded in Luke's hovel.

Fred writes: Just out of curiosity, what will her hostage demands be? I speculate:

1. A cleaning service is to arrive immediately to clean up 8 years worth of old pizza boxes, empty beer cans and dirty magazines from the floor;

2. Several hairy knuckle types to force Luke to have sex with her (and perhaps to go down on her).

Helpful adds:

3) Luke's Rabbi must declare her pussy kosher.

4) Patrick Riley must recant his contention that young, healthy, athletic women and more sexually appealing than 47 year old, heavily tattooed, hairy women.

5) Vivid video must sign her as a contract girl.

6) And finally ... Analingus from Chaim Amalek!!!!

Lynne writes: I think all men should have to present, on demand, a nude photo of themselves with a full erection so we can judge their fundamental worth as men.

Hang On Miss Ruby, Chaim Is A Coming

Chaim Amalek writes: You tell that Miss Ruby that she can intellectualize with me IN PERSON. I intend to travel by bus to Reno in the next several months, and when I am there I shall visit her at the Bunny Ranch. I will be the 400 pound man with the cloud of flies buzzing about him, carting an old set of World Book encyclopedias (from the 1950's) about with a shopping buggy. All I will ask is that she read selected articles to me that I have marked off. That and a deep massage of the folds of fat on my abdomen. I find it increasingly difficult to reach into the inner creases to pick out the crumbs that have fallen there.

Ruby replies: Luke, Tell Mr. Chaim that I would not be available for such a client. If you have such a disregard for grooming and yourself, don't bother coming. What makes you hate women so? You must have been abused by a woman as a child and built up years of fat as a safeguard! Souls are what matters, not flesh, or sex, or superiority. Nobody is any better than anyone else, because we all come from the same place, flesh is only temporary. That's what weakness of the flesh means, I think. I don't think it has anything to do with sex. I hope you come back as a prostitute your next time around.

Chaim replies: Luke: Why are women so cruel? Why do they continue to judge me on the basis of that which I cannot control? Especially the attractive women I most want to love me for who I am. I do not give a crap about the ugly ones. Anyway, here is my response. Clearly she is not the woman I had thought she was.

Dear Miss Ruby: I am most sorry to hear of your baseless hatred of the inertially and volumetrically challenged among us. I might not be thin, I might be large and have hygiene issues, but I am still a human being who other people like. You tell me to come back as a prostitute. OK, I will. When I visit the Bunny Ranch, it will be as the traveling salesman of prostitutes, offering my services to whichever of you ladies wants to try something a bit different. Lots of ladies like paying a morbidly fat man with an insect infestation good money for some hot, rolly-poly sex. But because of your bigotry, you will not be among them. Your loss!

Luke writes Chaim: Why do you hate women so much?

Chaim replies: Why does anyone think I hate women? Foreigners, inbred local yokals, gays, shvartzes, spics, yids, pollacks, krauts, dagos, liberals, the rich, the poor, the moronic middle class, people who are richer or poorer or smarter or dumber or taller or shorter than me yes; but women? Girl, you don't know me. And because you are so bigoted against fat jews (DON'T THINK THE ADL WON'T HEAR ABOUT YOUR REFUSAL TO HAVE SEX WITH ME), you do not want to get to know me either. Well guess what - not everyone is like that. Luke actually introduced me to his closest jewish friends once, and none of them recoiled in horror from me the way you do. I happen to have many fine qualities; it is just that most of them are interior. You have ruined my vacation plans. I hope you are happy with yourself.

Porn star Ruby replies: Chaim, Get off the pity potty and do something about it. I actually like big men, just not morbidly obese, and you can't tell me you would enjoy a girl with bad hygiene! PUT DOWN YOUR THESAURUS!!! I'd give you a hand job, I can give a helping hand to anyone, but if I f---ed you and didn't want to, that would be selling out.

Chaim, Don't feel bad, I wouldn't f--- Al Goldstein either. I'm sure you'd get a good party, so you shouldn't cancel your vacation. Hell, for my rates you could party with two girls!

Porn Star Ryan Conner Starts Internet Hosting Company

Mark writes: Over priced porn slut Ryan Conner recently announced her newest venture http://www.ryanconnerproductions.com Basically she wants to resell hosting space to other adult websites.

The formula is simple, she rents a dedicated machine from dialtoneinternet.com and divides the disk space into smaller increments and rents the smaller spaces. As stated on her website her lowest package is $100. Hopefully she gets a few people to sign up before dailtoneinternet goes out of business. With the economic slow down a lot of internet hosting companies that werent purchased by other companies are going under. For example. PSInet (who hosts AVNs websites) recently filed for bankruptcy protection.

The site also stats the she wants to do webcompression and photo services. If she overprices these services like she does her pussy rental it will be a matter of time, before she is back to selling ass full time.

On her entry page(one of three pages) she states MPEG-4 streaming thru Quicktime 5. This is a glaring mistake. Apple just released update 5.01 to Quicktime and announced that later version will support MPEG-4. Guess her underpaid techie or webdesigner didn’t read the Apple press release.

David replies: My name is David and I'm one of the developers that work for RCP. Before this Mark opens his uneducated mouth he should really know what he's taking about. Yes, we do have a dedicated server at Dialtone as well as Above Net, Epoch, UUnet, and Sprintlink. We have about 2 dedicated servers at each tier one provider.

Any smart business person using the ASP model would know better than to lease dedicated lines. To sell unused or excess server space is just the intelligent thing to do to increase revenue streams. Huh? Where do you think Yahoo has their servers? Where do you think Danni.com has her server (Above.net)? Where do you think Jenna has her site (on Danni's dedicated box at Above.Net)? So when Yahoo offers hosting where do you think they host you?

There's one thing to be uneducated but to be ignorant is unaccusable.

Ryan's business model is very viable and profitable. Because of the economic downturn, she has recruited some of the finest Big 5 consultants to work for her on a contract basis. Just like the SAG and AFTRA workers from mainstream seeking work from the porn companies during the Writer's Guild strike. Hum? Big 5 consulting talent available to the adult industry at adult industry budget? Just like mainstream entertainment crews available at adult movie budgets. The reason why Ryan started RCP was because she was very dissatisfied with the results of people she has worked with, hired, or partnered with to do her site. The problem is very prevalent in the adult industry with female talent. Many female talent, especially new comers, are deceived and delivered broken promises. Many have turned to doing and controlling their own sites. Thus RCP was created to assist talent in launching new sites or outsourcing their current sites to RCP. RCP is just a new player that will compete directly with Atlas Multimedia and others. The major difference is that RCP was created on the premise of the problems many adult talent faces when launching their e-business initiatives.

As far as Quicktime 5.0 offer MPEG 4, it is MPEG 4 playback not streaming. MPEG 4 is DVD format for playback also DIVX. MPEG 4 would be too large of format to stream that's why you have to use a codec such as Sorenson (www.sorenson.com) or On3 to stream. Also in the software world, version 5.01 is still version 5.0. So why don't you visit Apple's site at www.apple.com/quicktime and read up some.

Read below for a word of wisdom. Here's a link so this jerk can read and learn something new... http://news.cnet.com/news/0-1005-200-5713503.html

The company is also showing a "preview" version that supports high-quality MPEG-4, a successor to the technology that gave the world the popular MP3 audio format but is still relatively uncommon online...

...Because it takes a relatively fast computer to handle the MPEG-4 video, it's not yet widely used on the Net. An underground version of it, called DivX, has been used for about a year-and-a-half to distribute high-quality, illegally copied movies, however.

Yes we may be underpaid techie and consultants, but at least we aren't ignorant.

MikeSouth.com writes: Well, when it comes to encoding you are. First of all DVD is NOT MPEG4 it is MPEG2. Divx is not even closely related to MPEG anything it is Divx and VERY different from MPEG2 or 4. Divx is just hack that lets the Microsoft MPEG4 v3 CODEC be used inside an avi file. As for streaming, not only can MPEG4 be streamed it has tools which allow it to automatically scale itself to the speed of the connection and the users hardware. If you wish to educate yourself on MPEG4 read ISO/IEC-14496, it's all in there.

Mark replies: Luke, Ryan Conners buttplug is talking! Some asshole named David who is “one” of her “developers” removed his head from her well used ass and proceeded to spew BULLs--- every where.

#1. If RCP has a dedicated machine at above.net, Uunet and others why on earth are you using a domainname server at dialtoneinternet? I seriously doubt you have more then one server. I looked at your DNS records and I don’t see load balancing or even a secondary mail server!!!! You are trying to tell me you have multiple POP(point-of-presence) but you don’t use load balancing and who gives a f--- about email?(so what if the ONLY mail server goes down!). Tell you what “David” . .show us your invoices, or just give me the IP addresses of your servers at these other ISPs.

#2. Here is your DNS record. A quick explanation: Everything points to the same server at dialtoneinternet.com if there secondary machines you would see subdomain records pointing to other IP addresses. Most large companies with multiple POPs you will see 4 to 5 NS (name server) records pointing to 4 to 5 ISPs that are geographically remote from each other. As for mail records (MX) there is only one mail server on the same machine as the FTP, HTTP and NS servers. Bottom line people, there is only one machine ANYWHERE.

Luke Gets Mail

Jason Sechrest writes: I find Dr. Lawrence's commentary on our resident Flashman (why does he call himself Flashman anyway? wait... on second thought, pretend I didn't ask) to be just a bit on the harsh side. As a columnist for various adult and mainstream publications, I too have fallen victim to Flashman's multitude of messages on my machine. (And he has fallen victim to mine!) While it would certainly be easy for me to take the low road, to join the masses and condemn Flashy-One-Kenobi for his oft times cocktail-induced ramblings, I must stay true to myself and deviate from the norm. There's something soothing about coming home to a plethora of messages from Flashman. Without them, it just doesn't seem like my day is complete. They make you feel "in the know." They make you feel important. They make you feel like you're a friend. They make you feel tired and ready for bed. (I will never admit to masturbating to Flashman's messages each night before my head hits the pillow.) If more than 24 hours goes by without a message from Flashman, I get a little weepy. And the bottom line is, on a good day Flashman will supply l-keford.com with more info on the women of the adult entertainment industry than Tod Hunter and Gene Ross combined. Not everyone can do what he does! Not everyone can devote their lives to giving us the latest scoops. Not everyone can wear those outfits. Thank him. Praise him. Flash him.

Scott writes: What good is there to put up about Flashman? He is a pimp. It is a shame, the horrid slavery and degradation the Jews, much like the black man, have experienced. While many are a credit to their race,there is that unfortunate segment that adopts the ways of the slavemaster,exploiting their women(and children), selling their bodies for fur coats and to rub elbows with basketball stars (latent homos as well). Vile. Flashman-you are a disgrace to good Jews-like Luke and Jesus Christ (the real Jesus,not that one that looks like Bluto on the Discovery channel)-everywhere.

Lynne writes: It was so nice to see that Rumdar mention that ugly chicks are often better in bed than cute chicks. Curious seems to think I'm the ugliest chick on the planet, and since I'm an old crone according to Rum, I'm now a really experienced ugly chick. Why, Luke, I must be the very best f--- you'll never have!

But enough about my cross-gender self-sufficiency. Let's discuss you, Luke F-rd, and your pathetic attempt at being a "bad boy." Apparently the best you can offer in your attempts to offend is archaic rhetoric from the 1950's. If you gave us your Master's Thesis on how the economic situation would be improved if women would leave the workforce, we'd have to take you seriously. But when all you can come up with is generic disapproval of women holding jobs that they've successfully performed for decades, it's obvious that you aren't really bad, just nowhere near as clever as you'd like us to believe.

Being that l-keford.com is YOUR website, you can post any opinion you like, no matter how stupid. You've provided a forum for your "inner circle" of male friends, none of whom have successful relationships with women, to demonstrate their immaturity and hostility regarding women. While you all pat yourselves on the back, women laugh at you. It's hard to miss that neon sign reading "L-O-S-E-R" with the gigantic arrow that points toward you and your misogynistic friends.

It's obvious to all women, and to any man who's ever enjoyed a relationship with a woman, why you can't sustain the kind of relationship with a woman that will lead to marriage and family. What you think is funny and call "sarcasm," Luke, is thinly disguised hostility, which any woman with half a brain picks up on instantly.

I know a real bad boy from a wienie wannabe. I was happily married for ten years to a real bad boy who loved women. Bruce wasn't pretty, but he got plenty of pussy, because he knew how to make women feel beautiful and desirable. And he really was bad: he was at war with the government and with society at large. He participated in the Oakland Induction Center riots, ran from the FBI as a draft dodger for years, smuggled hashish and made a living dealing heroin and LSD before he got into porn. Still, he was a good husband (to me at least -- the first two might disagree) and a good father. All three of his sons are law-abiding citizens who have nothing to do with drugs or porn.

You are not "bad." Not even close. To be bad means to take risks. Making sexist comments over the Internet is not exactly risk-taking -- it's juvenile. Doing it in person at least risks getting smacked. You don't even have the guts to do that.

By the way, do you really think that the women at shul don't share the truth about their experiences with you behind your back? "That Luke F-rd, he may be pretty, but he's only after sex." The ones you've managed to compromise who are brave enough to admit their mistakes will add, "And the sex isn't worth it -- he's a lousy lover, and he's got a little dick." Most men don't have to change synagogues because they've offended all the available women.

There's no harm in wanting to say things that get a reaction out of people, but when that reaction is "That guy's an idiot" one might think a little harder about what one says. When you disrespect women, losers and wankers think you are really funny, and babes, hot or not, think you are really stupid. What does that say about you that you'd choose that path?

Fred writes: I note that Lynne is verbally turning her wrath toward you. Luke, hell hath no fury like a woman dissed.

BTW, if you fill out my application form in triplicate with at least three letters of recommendation, we can certify you as a "bad boy" if you want. That should suffice to rebut Lynne's ridiculous assertion that you are not, in fact, a bad boy.

We have a panel of experts ready to review your application to see if you meet the relevant requirements.

Chaim writes Luke: As I have always said, social intercourse with women of a certain age ought to be kept to an irreducibile minimum. They are very depressing company. Forget everything that she says and just listen to your good friend AMALEK. And take a few more risks:

1. lobby (indirectly) to get on tv/radio
2. trade some more of your journalistic integrity for money and sexual favors and IOUs
3. forget about torah sex for now
4. milk your relationship with XXX to get him to do a screenplay about your life
5. make enough money to get a real apartment. If Mexicans and shvartzes can do it, so too can you.

Here are a few things NOT to do:

6. never give any ground to feminists, especially to those who ignore the natural order of life by choosing to work in porn or any other naturally male-dominated field. The male feminist is little better than the male transvestite who thinks he can pass. Neither is respected by other men, or by women.

7. don't deal drugs ala the draft dodging, poison-peddling former Mr. L-patin, who clearly was a malignant force in society. (Hey Lynne, how many lives did your doper hubby help destroy or compromise with his plentiful supplies of heroin? And was your life with him supported by such dealing as well? And other than possibly yours, how many girls did he lure to their doom by getting them involved in dirty movies?)

Lynne responds: First, Mr. L-patin would refer only to my grandfather, father or brother. My husband was Mr. Walker. I never took a slave name, sorry. Second, probably lots. Third, no, those were wives one and two -- my vice was always sex, not drugs, and we supported ourselves via porn. And fourth, my career in porn began long before my marriage and, for that matter, long before porn on video. Bruce worked in distribution and sales, not as a producer or director.

Rob writes: Hey Luke, I wrote a few days ago saying I was going to buy your book, A History Of X. Well I did. And it was great!! Very informative and highly readable!! And hey, put this in the stats. I'm a United Methodist and I loved it!!! I am against porn itself, but I LOVE to read about the people in it. I love the information.

Tom writes: Hi Luke, It would be very interesting to know if porn escorts are really worth the money? Reality is never as good as fantasy. TBD [BigDoggie.net], is basically BS. It would be curious to actually know what quality service porn stars deliver to the average guy. My feeling is for most guys its a disappointment. Just bragging rights that all it would be.

Luther writes: Dear Luke: Jesus has something very special prepared for his special son Luke. It will make your heart sing with joy, and it is coming soon! Yours in the Love of the Body of Christ, Lord Peter Luther Christian, OBE

Chaim Amalek writes Luke: Damn, that Persian Kitty sounds better and better. Wouldn't you feel honored to marry a virgin? And what are you, putative jew that you are, doing dating an Ukrainian Episcopalian? (Actually, I take this as a sign that you are serious about settling down.)

John writes: Mike South said "much less us libertarians" as an example of intelligence. Should be "we libertarians." I would not mention it except he was writing about how intelligent he is.

Mike South replies: Tell John I write in the Southern vernacular, besides if he were all that f---ing smart he'd know tongue in cheek humor when he saw it.

Mike writes: Luke, The fact that there is no physical evidence of the exodus is nothing new. G-D intentionally made sure nothing would be found as a huge test of faith in my opinion. They built nothing in the dessert, they ate manna which would leave no evidence (jimmy was talking about garbage left behind) any artifacts that may have been found cant be attrubuted to the exodus specifically only tothe time period. In my humble opinion. We do have the western wall, if there were no torah , or menorah, or tabernacle why would the temple have been built to house the stuff.

Meni writes: 4 am. one 1 cap of G, and I'm fine. drugs aren't bad, people are.

Jackie writes Luke: Your inner conflict would EXHAUST anyone. The built up anger that gets channeled into sadistic outbursts against women...you aren't honest with yourself, so how can you be honest with your therapist? Someone who sees you for an hour a week? How can she KNOW you? Does she read everything you write and have written for years? You aren't the first person to bamboozle your therapist...therapists are notoriously easy to bamboozle.

I would rather see you involved in a healthy, loving, fulfilling relationship with another man than see you perpetuate the "I need my mommy/I hate mommy for leaving me" cycle which is such a waste of time and so hurtful to everyone...

I recognize that the site and your public persona are based on heterosexuality, of course...but also that, now that your income has dropped, you are having to re-evaluate what is worthwhile about sticking with porn. You can't be a gay orthodox jew any more than you can be a promiscuous orthodox jew or a pornographic orthodox jew. What a mess your life is, Luke! Poor darling!

Brad writes: Dear Luke, Are you absolutely, positively certain that Keisha had a breast job? They look so natural and wonderful. Were they natural in the late 80's and early 90's? Was it just nip-and-tuck surgery because they were beginning to sag, or did she, in fact, get implants? I want details. I do know they now look different than they did in the late 80's. That's what prompted me to write. I guess, deep down inside, I already know the answer. I wonder if she has any sensitivity left in those beautiful breasts, or are they now numb? Whoever the surgeon is, he did a top-of-the-line job,...but he still should be shot for ever coming near the most perfect breasts in the history of the world with his damn knives in the first place!