Wednesday, April 18th, 2001

If You Prick Me, Do I Not Bleed?

Britt Morgan writes:

BRANDY WRITES: "And let it not go unsaid that she REFUSED to let anyone shoot me alone or even shot of my full face for the Cheeks 4 box cover because she was positive Coast to Coast would put me on the box instead of her."

BRITT RESPONDS: I KNEW IT! Jace told me this was what your pathetic problem was, and I digressed, insisting that this idea was nonsense - because no such situation was ever the case - but, NO, he said, it was in your mind, EXACTLY the case. Bulls---, I said. How, or better yet, WHO the hell was I, Britt Morgan, to tell not only Marty from Coast to Coast who to put on his boxcover, but ESPECIALLY Brad Willis, (or Jeff Lamb actually) who had final say over all the boxs' art direction EVEN in spite of what Marty might have wanted! Marty on at least a couple of occasions, put other actresses ALONE on boxcovers of movies that Jace and I had directed and produced for him, and that I had starred in - Jeanna Fine on "SAFECRACKER" that I can recall right off...... I had NO say on the box-covers, I barely had any say in the cast-lists - and truth be known - I had to fight to get you cast on "BACKSTREET AFFAIR" as well as the girl named Mercedes - and even Joey Silvera for chrissakes!

MARTY: "He's in everbody's movies! Want somebody the girls wanna look at!"

JACE: "He can act - and we need an actor in this part."

MARTY: " She (Brandy A.) isn't 'new', I want the new girls."

BRITT: "She can suck cock like no tomorrow and ACT - she LIKES to have sex and the new girls are all a bunch of damn rookies!"

JACE: "We're not a sex school - we don't want to have to teach them from scratch - who has the time, Marty?"

"Not US, considering the budgets you're giving us, and Brandy is a pro."

Marty specifically requested that you be shot for the box also (a David Christopher connection on your behalf, I dare guess?)

Regardless, what I HATED was the stupid CONCEPT that Brad had conceived for the box, it had not a damn thing to do with the story of the movie - and if ANYone from that movie was to be included in that box cover, it was to be YOU - All the other girls were merely window dressing ordered up by Marty - and by all respect, you were considered a named star at that time, as well as my friend.

I am mortified to realize that you have been carrying a torch over such a ridiculous incident that wasn't EVEN the case at all, all these years - which is obviously the source for your animosity toward me. So, I was NOT just attacking you randomly, I was responding to YOUR attack - (let's refresh, shall we? Brandy wrote: "not only had one, but it's a BAD ONE".) - uncalled-for and vicious and erroneously spite-driven. Shame on you for stooping so low.

If nothing else, the girls in this business have always been a family upon ourselves, never better exemplified than by the "Pink Ladies", even though long-gone, spirit prevailed. (Weren't you a member?) There were, (and QUITE apparantly still IS), elements of destruction all around the female performers in this biz - we looked out for one another because there was always some malicious scum-bag individual or group readily willing to try to convince us to be Degraded or Humiliated or Embarassed or INSECURE about our appearance. To attack ONE ANOTHER on ANY level was completely SACRILEGIOUS!!!!!

(BRANDY WRITES: "On another note, looking at the pictures, when did everyone get so FAT??? Did you have a wide-angle on your camera or what?")

You repeatedly betray your responsibility in being a member of this select group of women who have put their dignity on the line to be what we are, and yet also sisters and a tightly-woven and safe support system for one another. I have not ever, and still do not, nor will I EVER, find fault in your apppearance, ability, capabilities or talent, based solely on the fact that you are my cohort in this particular field and on this particular ground. However, YOU DID cast the first stone, and literally because I honestly thought you MUST have been kidding somehow, I responded by being a smart-ass and therefore allowing myself to be dragged down to your level of contemptible behavior.

And for you to profess that 'boob-jobs' are fair game, I must suppose that you then also find fair game in 'nose jobs' or 'lipo' or 'stretch marks' or 'weight' or any OTHER noticable imperfection that could be preyed upon in order to make some female feel like s--- about herself - Aren't You Proud? What then seperates YOU from the likes of Luke F-rd, or the Religious Right, or any number of hateful critics cowardly hiding behind some malignant pseudonym who take out their abhorrent frustrations on the women in this business because THEY are dissatisfied with their own lives and consider 'US' easy targets because of our ASSUMED latent weaknesses based on our less-than-perfect self-images? Why would YOU wallow in such a derogatory bed as these same people, Brandy? Are you truly NOT still one of 'US'? I am sad.

So, shall from now on, all of the women in this business past or present or future consider you one of the 'enemy' as well, because you indeed ARE so perfect and above the likes of 'US'? And that perfection is what allows YOU to join the forces of those poised to pounce on OUR self-worth? Please post the photo that proves THIS case. We'll miss you on our side, Brandy. I am done. (you can sleep peacefully now, Scott)

Brandy Alexandre replies: Honey, you seem to be forgetting the simple fact that I was there, and you said to Brad directly, with me right there, that you didn't want him to shoot me. Jace followed up with me saying that Marty would probably put me of the box if given the opportunity. You also seem to be forgetting that I, too, produced movies for Marty and got exactly what I wanted fro boxes, but so I don't know where you are trying to look like you're coming from. For academia, the whole "new girl" thing was all perception. I was very well known in the industry, but had no more movies on the market, not to mention Coast to Coast, than the average "new" girl. But you know as well as I how difficult it is to point out motes of logic to The Boys.

No, I wasn't [a member of the Pink Ladies], because it was a poorly organized and elistist organizing that should have been the "Pink Ladies Who Will f--- Each Other Club." Then it became the "Competitive Pink Ladies After Allowing Themselves to be Commercialized Club." It was a good concept, but but quickly turned into something just short of a hair-pulling back-stabbing venture to get press. Truthfully, I did join, but never, ever was notified of any meeting or events, same as FSC.

I don't know what you noticed in the pictures, but I was referring to Pat Collins, John Stagliano, David Christopher and the like who, while never actually svelte, had packed it on a big way of late. And I have no responsibility "as a woman." I do not discriminate. If I see fat, I will say fat. I'm not a two-faced glad-hander.

Any physical alteration for the sake of the industry is sheer, unadulterated idiocy. I have never backed down from that stance and never wavered in my personal opinion of it. It's not about simple imperfection, it's about rampant plastic surgery that, I my opinion, looks more ghastly on the girls than has ever been an improvement. It's a short-sighted act of weakness and desperation that I find abhorrent in women, and any self-respecting woman would think so as well.

If you want to be just like The Boys and consider anyone with an opinion that differs from yours "the enemy," then I guess that's exactly what I am. I am accustomed to this behavior in men, but I'm quite surprise to see it from a woman. Especially you. Didn't you take a s--- for speaking your mind even when you thought it might be unpopular? Self-worth is wrapped up in what you don't put yourself through for the sake of a buck, not what you do. I have a right to be appalled by weak and stupid women.

Yeah, choose up sides, look at all issues as strictly black and white, and take on the haughty superior attitude that makes you believe everyone who doesn't think like you is completely wrong. You and John Ashcroft should be good together and I wish you both much happiness on your crusades. I thought this business was about freedom of speech and expression. I guess you're one of those who only believes that's true if you agree with what is spoken or expressed. There's plenty of people who disagree with me who simply agree to disagree, not draw lines in the sands and declare me the enemy.

JRob writes: Am I the only one who doesn't seem to see any genuine point of conflict here? Ladies, I suggest you agree to disagree about your breasts. However, if you can't do that, perhaps you should have Luke forward photographs of your breasts to me, and I'll judge whose is better. I should hope that Luke would assure you that I am a thoughtful, impartial person who would not be influenced by any consideration other than breast quality. Luke and I have debated points on occasion, and although we disagree on those points, we have always been cordial, reasonably rational, and have specifically addressed the other's concerns without digression or cheap shots (well, not many). I believe I can apply those same qualities to this dispute and put it amicably to rest. So, ladies, have Luke send me your breasts, and I will guide you out of this conflict. [Bribes in the form of sexual favors will be gladly accepted with the caveat that I give no guarantees that my decision will be influenced as a result.]

Let's Hate IGallery

Whenever there's something shady going on, you will find IGallery (owned by the publicly traded New Frontier, Nasdaq symbol NOOF). Why must I get their stupid webmaster spam in my email box? IGallery are a bunch of liars. They say in their spam that if you email them back and ask to be removed from their spam list, you will be. But you won't. IGallery lies. I emailed them and they insist on sending me unwanted and obnoxious spam. AOL are you listening? Sue IGallery for spam. Shut down these thieves.

Scott writes: I told myself I wouldn't write anything for you anymore. But the igallery guy touched me enough to do so. Igallery spammed me too, for atleast two years. So one day I snapped, went through my deleted items and fowarded EVERY message they'd sent me and EVERY removal request I'd sent them, to their ISP. Somewhere around 150 messages later, I was cc'd on a message to igallery staff which stated "Please remove this guy, he is driving us nuts!". If you want off igalley, you have to make a lot of noise to their host. Don't just send one message, keep copies of everything they've sent you and just send it back when you've collected enough to be really annoying.

Thoughts on others:

Maxcash removed me with just one request - Good for them!
CyberErotica removed me with just one request - Good for them!
ARS removed me with just one request - Good for them!

Center Of The World Premiere Party Pics

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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Keri Windsor
   
   
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   Bridgett Kerkove and co
   
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   Renee LaRue
   
   
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   Renee LaRue
   
   
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   Alisha Klass
   
   
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   Veronica
   
   
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   Alisha Klass
   
   
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   Director Wayne Wang, Alisha Klass
   
   
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    Alisha Klass
    
    
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    Alisha Klass
    
    
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    Shock jock Tom Leykis
    
    
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    Tom Leykis
    
    
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    Director Wayne Wang
    
    
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    blonde
    
    
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    blonde
    

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   Alisha Klass
   
   
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   Alisha Klass
   
   
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   Alisha Klass
   
   
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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Keri Windsor, Tera Patrick
   
   
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   Renee LaRue, Bridgett Kerkove
   
   
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    Bridgett Kerkove, Renee LaRue
    
    
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    Bridgett Kerkove, Renee LaRue
    
    
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    Bridgett Kerkove, Renee LaRue
    
    
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    Bridgett Kerkove, Renee LaRue
    
    
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    Bridgett Kerkove
    
    
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    Bridgett Kerkove
    
    
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    Bridgett Kerkove, Renee LaRue
    
    
17. Image:01041734
    Alisha Klass
    

Should Luke Date Alexa?

Chaim Amalek writes: Following up on JimmyD's comments, why don't you start dating her? She has left porn, right? (So she continues to hawk her previous work and dance naked for lonely men to oggle at. Once you get your torah-talons in her, she can be changed, right?) Luke, you are in porn. You ought to make it pay for you on some level, and clearly you are not $$$ wise.

Brazilian Porn

Sergio Martorelli wrote: Dude, I'm the editor of a Brazilian porn magazine, I know practically EVERYONE in the biz, and the only thing that I can say it that you're making a generalization that can hurt our market. The brazilian PROFESSIONAL actresses DO REQUIRE condoms and HIV tests. THAT I can prove. But about the girls Extreme gets on the streets, THAT's another story.They're not professionals, just hookers. But that's what you get when you don't want to pay for professional talent.

Gregory Bowman, Cheyenne Silver's ex, writes: Sergio Im sorry for seemingly making a generalization but people must be aware of the risks. If you feel I have not reported the accurate details of being there first hand and seeing many films done, I would beg to differ. You, on the other hand, even state that the purpose of your letter is profit based. That my reporting the truth would "hurt your market". Again profit is the encentive for your letter, not safety or concern.

People, especially talent, should be aware of the situation in Rio and the movies that are done.

I applaud you for practicing safe sex and testing but can assure you that many are not. Especially in the times of economic collapse in Brazil, and the health ministry stopping the supply of HIV preventing drugs, the prevalence of HIV will exponentials rise and thus more risk than necessary will result.

Not only with HIV but with other disease such as tuberculosis. Reports show that Brazil will need over $110 million dollars this year to keep the public health program afloat and as of October the funding for HIV preventing drugs being distributed has ceased.

I commend you for writing to me to discuss this issue and would love to see more data that you have regarding:

1. Testing 2. Condom Use 3. Talent screening 4. Protection from falsified HIV tests. 5. Public Education on HIV 6. Public Supply of HIV inhibiting drugs and condoms.

I am not condemming the hard working actors that make Brazilian adult movie industry; merely making accurate points as to why U.S. talent should be informed and decisions they make before risking their lives. We are talking lives here. Brazilian sexual practices are far different than in the United States and are much higher risk amongst hetersexual populations. Show us your HIV testing programs and the regulations and convince us Brazil is safe.

I know better for I have seen the falsified tests, if anything, the young girls so economically poor that they would risk NO condom and anal scenes for little money and I PREDICT those U.S. actors that do Brazilian porn to have a higher incident rate of HIV in the coming year. Feel free to continue this dicusssion and I hope my prediction prove false AND I thank you for taking the time to comment. Maybe you could have me as a guest to show me again, the safe practices you describe. I look forward to hearing from you. Ciao Gregory Bowman ---

Jeremy Steele Calls Lynne L-patin

From QuasarmanRants.com: Phone rings…

Lynne answers
Lynne: Hello
Jeremy: (heavy breathing)
Lynne: Hello… is this Jeremy?
Jeremy: (heavy breathing stops) Yeah, how’d you know?
Lynne: Wild guess… plus the labored nature of the breathing itself indicated stress, apprehension and an obsessive/compulsive predisposition. Those are your most prominent qualities.
Jeremy: Whatever…. Hey, whad’ya doin’ tonight?
Lynne: Well, I WAS going to repeatedly stab my Dave Hardman effigy in the eyes with a pair of knitting needles and then haphazardly blow off rounds from my .45 while intoxicated but I suppose I could do all that tomorrow. You wanna go to a movie or somethin’?
Jeremy: Actually, I thought a nice, quiet, romantic evening at your place would be a good idea.
Lynne: Sounds great…. gives me an excuse to bathe. I’ll make sure I have something sexy on by the time you get here.
Jeremy: Actually… I have a series of painful sores on the underside of my penis extending down on to my scrotum and finally to that area which science doesn’t have a name for between the anus and testicles. I picked up a copy of ‘ The 50 most unsightly and painful STD’s Reference guide" and I was hoping to get your opinion. Maybe afterwards we can fool around.
Lynne: (silent reflection)
Jeremy: Hello…Lynne…
Lynne: Okay… . come on over.

Oh to be a fly on the wall for that encounter. Have you noticed that Jeremy feels a need to drop all of his meager accomplishments into every single sentence that he writes? He did some "S.A.G" extra work, not just any extra work, his extra work is officially sanctioned by the screen actors guild of which he is member due to his uncanny ability to portray serial killers both in real life and on the silver screen. Also he was in a U2 video. Perhaps he gave Bono and the Edge some songwriting tips while he was there.

Lynne L-patin to Luke: You hate it when I am intoxicated, and I hate it when you moralize over something you know nothing about, and I did not leave you messages or wake you up, and you never picked up the phone...but you sure make it sound like I was deliberately trying to annoy you...
Lynne L-patin: The thing is...you do deliberately ignore me, and I never know when or what or why you'll be set off, and sometimes it bothers me more than other times, and sometimes I just want to know what I've done.

Porn Star Spending

Luke says: Between $120-$200k a year, most of it frivolous, and virtually none of it saved.

Fred replies: This is actually interesting to me. I have to admit--I'm a cheapskate. I own no jewelry. I probably spend less than $3K/year on clothes. My biggest vice is that I eat out for virtually all of my meals. My living expenses are almost zilch. In my wildest dreams, I don't think I spend more than 25K/year on myself. What the hell does your average porn star spend 100-200K/year on?

Lynne writes: I assume she's not supporting a (ahem) boyfriend. And 100-200K/year? If she hooks at 1K/hour, at 100K/year, that means she's "working" 2 hours/week. What does she do in her spare time? (If she earns 200K/year, that means she's working 4 hours/week. Again, what the hell does she do in her spare time? This is actually interesting to me. Exactly what is the life of a porn star like?

Luke, you live in a hovel. Do you have any money saved? Didn't think so. And you seem to think a bed is a frivolous expense. Your opinion on spending money is irrelevant.

It seems to be common to all "easy money," from dancing, from porn, from drug sales or from crime, that very little of it is saved. I think it is because the same lack of opportunity and self-esteem that puts one into the position of earning money that way makes it hard to envision a future, and creates the need to pleasure one's self by spending the money on one's self. Some of it is background -- some of it is mere youth.

As to what it gets spent on? Some of it is girl stuff: hair, nails, clothes, make-up, high-maintenance. Body waxing, plastic surgery. A good haircut and color job costs around $150, and needs to be done once a month, and a good set of acrylic nails is another $120 a month. A cheap lipstick is $6, but a good lipstick is $20. And of course, getting one's self maintained takes lots of time. Getting ready to go out is a 2-3 hour ritual.

A decent pair of shoes costs $100 these days; stiletto fetish boots cost $300. Costumes cost, too, and going out on the road is expensive. Monthly HIV and STD testing is a grand a year, at least, plus one has to pay for medical insurance. Then there's cellular phone bills... Making money takes spending money, and if one doesn't pay taxes, one can't deduct the expenses of doing business on one's taxes.

Maintaining a decent car and a decent apartment in Los Angeles costs 25K annually. Most people, unlike Luke, have furniture, and furniture is expensive. Many women support children without financial help from the men involved, and children are expensive, too. Then there's the gym. That occupies both time and money. Two hours of exercise five days a week is the minimum of what it takes to keep one's body in lucrative shape, and as we get older, that increases.

I'm sure that what Fred WANTS to hear is that all the money goes to drugs, for one's "boyfriend" or for one's personal use, and that all the time goes to taking drugs. But drugs don't cost all that much compared to clothes and shoes, and one can't take unlimited drugs and still function and look fabulous, so even if someone is smoking pot whenever they want, that won't put a dent into their budget like car insurance on a nice vehicle in Los Angeles will. Most of the time goes to hustling more work, girlish maintenance and shopping.

I hope some of the women out there will share a few of their real life financial choices with us, if only so that some of us can fantasize living their lives for a few minutes.... Dreaming of having an income of 100K a year is so pleasant and such a distraction...and I wanted out of porn? Am I nuts? (That's a rhetorical question -- we all know the answer is yes!)

Fred writes: Contrary to what Lynne wrote, I did not want to hear that Ms. XXX spends all her money on drugs, or that she spends all her money on a worthless boyfriend. I have no agenda at all.

The stuff Lynne wrote about the hair styling, getting nails done, lipstick, perfume, stuff like that--does that run over $1K/month? (I would think/hope not.)

I can easily imagine rent and related housing expenses running $25K/year. That still leaves $174K/year to burn if she's pulling in $200K/year. How often do you have to buy shoes? How often do you have to buy stilleto fetish boots? Do they wear out quickly? (That probably means she shouldn't kick her clients so hard, or whatever else you do to wear out a set of fetish boots.)

What do you think Ms. XXX spends on clothes/year? Second, do you think Ms. XXX spends 2 hours/day, 5 days/week in the gym? If she does, more power to her, but I am highly skeptical that she or any other porn star spends that much time in the gym. Am I right?

Luke--you know Ms. XXX. Watcha think? Lynne--did you spend 5 days/week, 2 hours/day in the gym when you were in porn? Did you know of any other actresses who did? Who?

Luke says: XXX does not spend two hours a day in a gym. XXX buys what a typical 21-year old would buy if she had tons of discretionary income.

Rumdar writes: Luke, Concerning this revelation by our buddy Fred. Jesus Christ no wonder the guy never gets laid. He seems to be from the Luke F-rd school of miserhood. My recent trip to B-kok cost $2,500 and worth every baht. I can't wait to get back and spend more money. Freddie dear friend open the purse strings, live a little, have some fun. You can't stick that cash up your ass and take it with you to the next place.

Lynne writes: It never amazes me to see what some people spend money on. Luke, if I were to spend $2,500 on tattooing, you'd probably call that frivolous. Fred, if I were to spend $2,500 on a fur jacket, you'd probably call that frivolous. Rum, in my opinion, spending $2,500 to f--- whores who are probably infected with HIV is not only frivolous but dangerously stupid.

Rumdar replies: Luke.. I would like to answer Lynne's comment that I spent $2,500 on hookers in Thailand. Wrong Lynne. The ticket over cost $1,000 and then there were hotel and food expenses. Any disposable whore funding (such a crass word) would have been much less than you indicated. I would like to add that as an educator and former Peace Corps Volunteer my mission in life has been to help people not f--- them. The prostitution issue you bring up is a complex one and I am not sure Luke's website is the venue to discuss it. Last but not least I fell in love with a Thai lady while vacationing (Luke, I believe you have seen a pic of this lovely girl). I have offered to bring her to the USA to be educated at the very same institution where I teach. We are discussing her future well being on line and will continue to do so during my next visit in July. When I suggested that our friend Fred free up some shekels and start to enjoy life I did not necessarily mean he should jump in penis first.

Lynne L-patin: Hair: $150; Nails: $100-120; Waxing: $75-100; Toiletries $200...$600 - $700 a month easy, without any extras...

Lynne L-patin: Clothes don't wear out, they go out of style, get boring or get seen. One can only wear a dress once to an industry event, whether it's the Academy Awards or the AVN Awards.
Lynne L-patin: I would say...20K at least for costumes and pro gear, and another 20K just for clothes...and that isn't even necessarily counting having to have special bras made for outsized breasts...I think those run $200 each.

Fred writes: I speculate that XXX grew up without much money, and now that she has too much discretionary income, she's like a kid in a candy store. She also probably has no concept of saving for retirement or when her looks no longer suffice to provide her with a good living. Maybe she plans to snare a rich mate while her looks are still up to snuff. Or maybe she never thinks about the problem. (Probably the latter. I assume you agree.)

BrandyAlx1: I'm with Fred. My personal cost of living is nil because I'm NOT high-maintenance. The industry flamers may bandy about what they make in comparison to my supposed paltry $35k+/-, but when all is said and done, guess who has more in the bank and spent more wisely?

BrandyAlx1: I get excellent haircuts every 6 weeks or so for $45, have NEVER paid more than $40 (usually less) for a pair of shoes and I never seem to wear them out, I getting beautiful colors of long-lasting lipstick for $1.50. The most expensive cosmetic item I buy is Sebastian Shaper Plus hair spray. Acrylic nails with polish are $40 max full set at a good salon, with $15 for fills every two weeks (but I do mine myself). I don't know where Lynne is shopping, but she's a fool if that's what she spends. Nobody NEEDS a cell phone. I live in a LARGE 1-bedroom apartment with central heat and air for $8,400 a year, and cars aren't that expensive of you refrain from buying one to represent your penis.

BrandyAlx1: And while egos may object, some of the best clothes can be picked up at Goodwill and consignment shops. If you shop in the stores closest to posh areas, you get designer duds for nearly nothing. I more frequently buy large and have them custome fitted all for less than $50. My latest an Oleg Cassini jacket and Ralph Lauren skirt that look like they were meant to be together, both for less than the blouse I bought to go with them!

Whatever Happened To Britt Morgan?

Dave (chowderhead@hotmail.com) writes on RAME: I always liked this sexy little Southerner. Anybody have any history on her?

Porners Running Scared

Bert Martinez writes on RAME: i was at the biggest newest video store tonight.....i have been renting with these folks for about 6 months now......i have become known to the employees there....so, i questioned why they do not rent current video's from "exxxtreme, zane and jm productions for rental........the clerk told me that he heard that wicked and vivid will not ship to texas....because they would have to go through a middle man to get the video because of "bush".......then i questioned why the "mom and pop" type video store down the street can get those videos(exxxtreme, jm, wicked and vivid) and you "big boy" video store cannot? he could not answer the question....but, was going to look into the opportunity.... now really, is "bush" that big a scare in the adult industry????? i know yahoo is pulling the plug on their adult related stuff....but, come on!!!

Is Legend Video Still In Business?

JSinclar writes on RAME: Is Legend Video still in business? Did Vivid buy up their catalog? I've seen some clips from Legend movies in a few Vivid compilations.

Felix Miata replies: After Western Visuals died, Jerome Tanner went to Legend. Dunno about today, but less than a year ago Legend was still pumping out the shortest "features" in the jizz movei biz.

Center Of The World Party

I've been most adventurous of late, after six months of secluding myself from immoral influences.

Ten days ago I attended the XRCO Awards. Last Thursday I attended the premiere of Wayne Wang's new film "Center of the World." And tonight, because of kind invitations from PR man Brian Gross and porn star Alisha Klass, I attended a premiere party for Center of the World at the Las Palmas Club in Hollywood.

I'm sorry I went.

I felt totally out of place and the COTW PR flaks were rude. I got sick of jousting with them, and getting told repeatedly "You're unauthorized," and I left at 9:15PM, less than an hour after I'd arrived.

My evening started well with an absorbing edition of Luke F-rd Live. Mike McCormick's songs were hilarious and Meni from PornNewsDaily.com secured me another great interview - this one with retired porn star Alexa, formerly a Wicked girl.

Then I drove straight to shul to meet with my new chevrusa (study partner) and we tackled a page of the Maharal (16th Century Jewish philosopher). Maharal believed, as did the rabbi, that before God created the world, He consulted the Torah (five books ascribed to Moses). And that without the Torah, there is no purpose to creation. Two notions I find hard to swallow.

But the rabbi's sweet innocence, and his belief in a 6000-year old earth and a literal understanding of Genesis were touching.

Then I prayed the afternoon prayers (Mincha) after which the rabbi gave his customary discourse on Jewish Law. I've heard about 150 of these now, and not one has ever had an ethical upshot. They're all about Jewish ritual law. After you say this prayer, can you say that prayer? What if you forget to say these words... Tonight the question that occupied 15 minutes of discussion was, if you fall asleep and spill your cup of wine, do you have to repeat certain of the Passover chantings.

So, disillusioned with the religious world, I drove off to Hollywood, found the club, and ran into several unhelpful COTW PR folks. I took pictures of various celebrities who came through. I found familiar and friendly faces in Nikki Fritz from AVNLive.com, Alisha Klass and Adella and Samantha from Digital Playground.

Then we went inside the club and I felt totally out of place amidst the blaring pop music and the secular crowd yearning to see female flesh.

I saw Tom Leykis from FM 97.1 and thought about approaching himself and plugging myself as a potential guest. I decided not to, it seemed corny. If people want me, they can come to me. I hate selling myself.

The crowd varied from 20s - 50s, but the level of discourse seemed generally juvenile. And that's before the porn stars came out and did strip tease.

The four porn girl models were Tera Patrick, Alisha Klass, Bridgett Kerkove, Keri Windsor and buxom blonde Renee LaRue.

David Denby writes for NewYorker.com about the movie COTW (and I agree): "In Vegas, the couple visits Jerri (Carla Gugino), a friend of Florence's, who is her opposite in every way—dark, fleshy, needy, a woman who is not a player in a game but a real person with a complicated sexual history. If the movie had stayed with Jerri, it might have arrived at a dangerous, even explosive, place. But she abruptly storms out, and the movie returns to the two principals, who aren't expressive or imaginative enough to break through the limits of their situation. The movie's conclusion is dim and unsatisfying, but its failure could lead, oddly, to the picture's success as a date movie. Young couples who see it may be eager to turn into filmmakers themselves and dream up very different, and better, endings at home."

I came home to find that a drunk Lynne L-patin had called me six times. At 10:18PM, I got a call from Jeremy Steele, and evening complete, I went to bed.

Lynne writes: Luke, that's not fair. I wasn't that drunk, and when I called, I just let it ring three times and when no one picked up, I hung up, so I don't get charged. It isn't like I left six messages....and it doesn't sound like you had a particularly fun night out on the town, so perhaps it would have been more fun to stay home and lecture me on the evils of having fun...

Alisha Klass writes: Good Evening Mr. Luke F-rd, I just read about your experience this evening and I want to apologize to you. If you were unhappy, I wish you would have asked someone to get me and I would have helped you. Did you even see the fashion performance show? I guess it went well. I would like to thank the girls who participated today in the COTW (Center Of The World) fashion performance show Tera Patrick, Bridgette Kerkove, Renee La Rue, Keri Windsor. Great girls! We had a fun day together. Classy show as well. Catch it Thursday night on Entertainment tonight. The girls each had an individual interview after the show. Luke, I'm very sorry. Now I know why I didn't see you inside. Maybe I can make it up to you and invite you on the set of "Inside Adult" tonight (Wednesday 18th) live at 9:30pm. Come around 7:45pm and you can also catch Tiffany Grannith and Julie Ashtons show "Night Calls" first. E-mail me back and let me know. Again, I thank you for your effort tonight to cover the event, I only wish you would have mingled with the right people. I saw you as I ventured down the press isle and I thought you were taken care of. If I had known, I would have handled it!!! I think the highlight of my evening besides seeing you Luke (LOL), was the Entertainment Tonight interviews and the sincere thanks I received from the executives at Artisan. Oh, and the interview on Fox 11 News Live with Wayne Wang and I will not be forgotten. My hard work is finally starting to show through.

I'm off to New York early in the morning. I'll be on Stern 7:30am eastern time, then ofcourse, the replay. Then I'll be on the Chauncy Hayden show for two hours. I'll be signing autographs with Wayne Wang for Center Of The World on Saturday. Then it's time to rest with my NYC friends! So, I'll write to you from New York. Have a great day Luke. Let me know if your clear for the 2nd and if you can watch "Inside Adult" tonight at 9:30pm. Ahhhh come on Luke, you know you get Playboy TV. LOL!

Luke says: Yes, I saw the fashion performance show and the girls were a big hit. But I almost never watch TV and I don't get Playboy. And I don't watch porn.

Alisha responds: I get ya Luke, I only watch TV in my hotel rooms and I never watch porn. O'well, you'll get a taste of Klass in two weeks!

Lynne L-patin: Luke only watches TV when he's on it, and he only watches porn when he's in it.

Ubergossip writes: Do you find it at all odd that Alisha Klass is chumming around with Tera Patrick, on the verge of Tera replacing Alisha as the host of her show on The Playboy Channel? Perhaps she doesn't see it coming. Funny.

I hear that Playboy is "less than pleased" with Alisha's performance because of her continued on-air assertions that she "doesn't know anything about the adult industry because she's no longer a part of it." Not particularly host material, considering the topic and all.

Ratings have bottomed out, viewer response is virtually 'nil, and for the icing, guests are hesitant to come on the show because they don't want to be around Alisha.

Playboy is aware of Tera's popularity and is regretting that they lost her when night calls 411 started up again. This is their chance to right that wrong, although there is also the good chance that the show might simply get cancelled entirely.

Curiously, along with the departure of the show, some high level Playboy execs involved with the creation of the show may get canned as well for both their poor judgment in casting Alisha and their weak program development skills.

Porn star Lisa Ann writes Luke: Hello, and how are you ? Well I was thrilled to read what you wrote about our first meeting at the XRCO Awards. I would love to do an interview with you sometime. Your site is awesome !! Do you do it yourself ? I imagine you life is all about updates so you have to ! It was a pleasure to finally meet you, lets keep in closer touch so maybe we can pass on info here & there. We are busy working on my site Lisaann.net as we speak we have been a really cool free site the past four years but we have finally collected enough pics & footage to go BIG and make it worth $$. Well have a great day e mail anytime send a number where we can call & leave you kinky messages ! :)

Jason Sechrest writes: Hey baby... sorry I wasn't able to be there for the "Center of the World" premiere party. Was interviewing gay porn stars in Florida and hanging with mom for Easter. That's what we call a combo trip! Anyway, you know if I had been there, I would've taken care of you. (Ahem, that could be received in a variety of ways now that I think about it! All of which are making me wet.) I do appreciate all the promotion you've been giving the film on your site though. Brian Gross and I have been working like mad to get it plugged for Alisha and Artisan as much as possible. Sorry the direct Artisan PR peeps were a bunch of bad boys. They just didn't know any better, I'm sure. Don't forget Lucas...one can never blame ignorance -- only stupidity.

Erran writes Luke: how do you find your occupation interferes with dating and stuff - i assume you date within the religion? i'm lost in that myself - i've never established a relationship with a jewish girl before. tried very hard and i keep trying but i'm just not getting any lasting results.

Luke writes: My occupation is a big obstacle to my dating... I always pray that the woman gets to know me before she encounters l-keford.com.

IntriguedAboutU@aol.com writes Luke: I have never contacted you before but after following your site for the last few months, I feel compelled to write.

First, let me ask you.... is this site real? or what?

When I was young I used to think that Professional TV wrestling was real. However, now that I'm a little older, I know better.

Luke, your site is so full of interesting stories, people, gossibs, quips, slanderisms, slurs, racism, vulgarity, that it has got to be FAKE, a put on.

The characters on your site must be the fantasy of some comedy writers trying to make it in Hollywood. Let's take you for example. Your Jewish (smacks of comedy right there), from Australia (?), live in a simple apartment and no visible signs of income other than this little gossib web site. How do you eat? pay you rent, pay for the web site? Do you have a staff or the fastest fingers on the planet, typing your little heart away 24 hours a day (except of course for Shabbat)?

[ Lynne L-patin: Luke has a 5.5 staff, on which he's trained his fingers to be the fastest on the planet, but he only types about twelve hours a day, leaving the rest for prayer and sleeping on the floor in penance for having trained his fingers to be the fastest on the planet.]

This site is so unbelievable that you would do well selling the daily content to a TV sitcom. It's hysterical. I'm giving up watching wrestling for good and just read your site daily from now on. Forget the Kabalah, it's Luke F-rd from now on.

Now let's talk about the Flashman. This is the greatest character to ever come to life! There's no doubt that he is the STAR of your web site. He dresses in wild outfits, he knows a flock of girls, he's controversial. This should be the main character of the TV show. Everything can evolve around him. Some girls hate him, despise him, shun him and other talk very, very highly of him!

OK, now here's the premise of the Sitcom. An day at the office of a porno publisher/magazine editor/producer/director. Make the Flashman the President of the Firm. It'll be a HIT TV series. No kidding.

I'm very, very versed about these things! The Flashman sound like an ICON. He's exactly what the industry stands for, Truth, Justice and the American Way. If American is the country where anyone can speak their mind, dress as they please, practice any sexual relationship that they desire, then Flashman is our leader. He eminates exactly what everyone is striving for in life.

Women of the Porno world, unite, don't digress. Welcome the Flashman to the bosom of your sole. He represents everything that you are trying to achieve.

Imagine, "Date a Porn Star". What a genius. He'll be bigger than Heffner!! He's probably a lot smarter too. He's got free publicity, free press and he makes money off of the girls as a booking agent! (I read where one of your readers called the Flasman a "PIMP"). Obviously he has the Flashman confused with a Hollywood agent at one of the majors. Now that's a PIMP! Trust me, I KNOW! Theives, pimps, prostitutes..... and that's just the legal department!

Back to Flash. I think that this guy is very, very sharp. I would love to meet him. This guy is going places. (If I were you, I would be very nice to him, hell, who knows, one day, you may be able to get a job with him)!

Alot of people have come forward praising the Flashman, however, some are not so flattering. I pity these people. They must be either very unintelligent or have never been out in the world. Hey, he dresses funny, he wears dark glasses, he wears hats.....does the name Dennis Rodman ring a bell?

He's a lot freakier than the Flashman. He's a tall, blackman with rings in his head, face, eyebrows, tounge, lips, etc. He has tatoos, multi colored hair and big feet. He's constantly involved in fights, brawls, has been arrested, thrown out of casinos, etc. Who wants to invite him over for dinner to meet the parents and have sex with later? No thank you! Rodman isn't a star, he's a disease looking for a place to nest! Compared to Rodman, the flashman sounds more like President Clinton than a "PIMP". Him I could handle! I'd take the Flashman over Rodman anyday!

Lauren Montgomery, xxx.com, think about it! Think about it real hard! I can't believe that you would consider someone who dresses funny "dangerous". I consider you dangerous. You dress funny to me. Your style is old, your taste in clothes WILL make the 10 worse dress list! Obvisiously you don't get out and travel much outside of the valley. Flash, were whatever you want; obvisouly your critic's do.

Luke, keep up the good work, the site is enjoyable. I'm going to write a soap opera based upon the many characters in your site. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to add to my vast fortune.

And Flashman, if your listening out there, contact me. I'd be proud to make you a 50% partner anytime. I like your style. You've got real class! Date a Pornstar. Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant!

Lynne writes: "I've been most adventurous of late, after six months of secluding myself from immoral influences."

As if you aren't being exposed to "immoral influences" over the Internet at home on a daily basis? As if you aren't one yourself? You seclude yourself from the world, because you are introverted and reclusive, and either do and say wrong, offensive things or feel as though you have nothing to say.

"I saw Tom Leykis from FM 97.1 and thought about approaching himself and plugging myself as a potential guest. I decided not to, it seemed corny. If people want me, they can come to me. I hate selling myself."

Hence your failure to establish a career in acting. But l-keford.com, the site that exists to sell Luke F-rd... Luke, you have been accused of being infatuated with yourself more than once. All you reputedly care about is yourself. Media super-entities MUST sell themselves. I think you felt alienated at the party, and lacked the self-confidence to walk up to the guy and plug yourself as a potential guest. It wouldn't have been corny, it would have been business, but you were already uncomfortable. Half the time when I plug myself, I get accused of behaving inappropriately. The other half of the time, it results in getting the attention I need to forge ahead in life. And I never know which reaction I'm going to get, but I know I can't retreat into my natural introverted state if I'm to achieve anything in this world.

"Then I prayed the afternoon prayers (Mincha) after which the rabbi gave his customary discourse on Jewish Law. I've heard about 150 of these now, and not one has ever had an ethical upshot. They're all about Jewish ritual law."

And this is what Orthodox Judaism finds it so important to exclude women from? This is why we are expected to cook and clean and enable our man to study religion? Can you see why women might complain about this? And can you see why an agnostic or atheist might find it more productive to devote their contemplative time to thinking out a system of ethics rather than studying the rituals of a religion which never seems to address ethics?

Luke, if you have had no ethical teachings for the past ten years other than Dennis Prager and Judaism and me, no wonder you've got no ethics! The first two offer nothing but sensationalism and ritual, and you find it easy to dismiss everything good I say and do any time I make what you perceive as an offensive mistake in the REAL world.

Hey, at least I LIVE in the real world, and my ethical decisions are made based on real-world situations. I'm not afraid to LIVE, Luke. I'm not afraid that, if I lose control for a minute, I'll do some irreparable harm to myself or my loved ones. I might do something un-aesthetic. I might say something mildly offensive. But my basic ethics are sound, and I'm a loving person.

Luke, if anyone needed to take drugs, it would be you. You have never been intoxicated. You have never cut loose. You seem to have no unbridled joy in your life. What a miserable fellow you are, Lukey! And you complain about it: I'm sick, I'm lost, I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm alienated. I will not, however, recommend drinking as an answer to your spiritual needs because not only is it a depressant, but alcohol is a sloppy high. Particularly Wolfschmidt Vodka -- two ounces of this stuff is like six ounces of generic vodka. The clerk at the liquor store recommended it to me to help make floor-cleaning fun. It has a low "barf quotient," but just a little gets one massively ripped.

I don't know if I would recommend marijuana to you, either. I love pot -- I love what it does to my attitude. I've never missed a day of work on account of it, never let it change my relationship to my responsibilities in this world, but I find it lets me be more realistic about the importance I place on my daily activities. For example, the other day, just as I was about to leave the house to swim, the toilet overflowed. I looked at it, laughed, threw some towels on the floor, shut off the water and left. No big deal. Swimming was important, worrying about a toilet was not. But it takes years of smoking pot on a very regular basis to get to that place. Casual users get caught up in the paranoia and the inertia....

So, angelface, I am sorry if you find my willingness to push the boundaries of sobriety aesthetically offensive. And if I missed any important rituals because the Passover wine made me sleepy, let me know, okay?

Big Load Disappointed By Quality Of New York City Hookers

Big Load writes on BigDoggie.net: After visiting NYC recently and tasting the local talent was very disappointed with the quality and the service, after spending time in London, England, the escorts in NYC are absolutely crap and no-where near as good when it comes to giving "full service" like the European ladies. Does anyone know of any ladies based in Vegas who offer the best service...preferably slim busty blondes!

Jeeter advises: for superbusty porn stars, try Kayla Kleevage...her website will get you the contact info you need. She is VERY VERY good. I am a three time customer, and many more engagements in the future. Also try Pamela Peaks....she has a great website at www.pamelapeaks.com all kinds of contact info there, and she can bring other PS into a threesome if thats what you want.

Jeremy Steele Tribute This Afternoon On Luke F-rd Live

QuasarmanRants.com says: At approximately 4:15pm today on the highly rated and critically acclaimed "Luke F-rd Radio show" I will be peforming live my original composition entitled "The Ballad of Jeremy Steele" as well as the Elton John classic "Candle in the wind" which I've altered to be sung as "Psycho with a grudge". I do hope you'll tune in for this exciting cyber-broadcast. It pains me to send traffic in his direction but please visit l-keford.com to find the link for this landmark cyber-event.

Listen to Tuesday night's show. Read the chat here.

Frank writes: WHY do Mike South and Lynn L-patin hate each other? Were they once in love and going to get married? Inquiring minds want to know.

Luke says: They were once very much in love and engaged to be married. It ended terribly with tremendous emotional pain for both parties. Nobody has ever found out what went wrong. It seemed like the relationship that would go the distance.

Lynne adds: I don't hate Mike South. I don't even know Mike South. I tried asking him once why he hates me, and why he feels the need to insult me at every opportunity. (Actually a lot of men I don't know in the slightest seem to feel that need: my female friends wonder why I "let" Luke provide an outlet for it. Hey, if guys wanna use l-keford.com to show everyone what obnoxious idiots they are, let 'em!)

Anyway, back to Mike: Mike told me that he hates me for making a fool of myself over Luke F-rd. Why that's of concern to Mike, I have no idea. Mike says that if Luke wanted to be my friend, Luke would want to have sex with me, and the fact that Luke doesn't want to have sex with me means I should ignore Luke completely.

I didn't contact Luke F-rd way back in early 1999 for sex: I wanted a porn journalism alternative to Adult Video News to cover the videos I had made with my late husband. After reading Luke's site, I wanted to share all the wonderful stories my husband had collected since he entered the porn business during the early days of video. Unfortunately, before Luke could interview Bruce, Bruce had a stroke and all those wonderful memories were gone.

History is very fragile. Over the past two years, through Bruce's death and all the other changes and traumas I've gone through since, Luke's been a great friend. We don't always agree, but we pretty much agree to disagree. If I wanted a man for sex, I'd send for a porn stud. They're good at it. If I want a friend for intellectual challenge and occasional sweet attention, Luke is superb. I am not docile, controllable or silent, but then, I've never posed as a "good girl."

I speak my mind whenever I feel like it, no matter how unpopular my opinions. I'm not very pretty in the media sense of the word. There's no reason for anyone, man or woman, to cut me any slack because I'm sweet and nice. But I can shoot straight, write well, and I never cut Luke F-rd a break just because he's pretty. Maybe that's why guys hate me so.

Again, back to Mike South: I have no idea why he hates me. We said "hello" to one another in Vegas a year ago. Luke is being silly -- Mike and I were never in love, never had a relationship, never anything. He's not my type: we all know I only get hot for two kinds of guys. First, porn studs who can f--- for hours and, second, pretty porn journalists with big di-, er, words.

Jeremy Steele writes: Sorry I couldn't make it to your show today Luke. Hopefully I will sing you a Luke F-rd Show Theme song I'm working on next Tuesday.

My Thoughts regarding what I heard today: Jimmy D, leave poor Lukey alone. One can find spiritual lessons and moral significance in Peanuts or Winnie the Pooh (In fact there is a book called "The Tao of Winnie The Pooh"- I kid u not.).. It doesn't matter if it's true or not.. Noone should take it literally anyway, because I think I can write a better religion. God as Jealous and Angry? I guess God doesn't have to be Godly. Anyway, if Judaism is proven untrue, that doesn't mean people are going to not believe. Belief has more to do with desire to desire or need, and repetitive suggestion. Also, Christianity and Mohammadism are based on the foundation of Judaism so that would prove that all bulls--- too.. which is cool, then we can all sing John Lennon's "Imagine".

I'm glad to hear the guy who has written for Rolling Stone liked my music.. Even though the stuff I sang live was sung very nasally, since I was fighting a flu bug. It's nice to hear an unbiased critic as well. There's no way in hell anyone, in my opinion, can dog the third and fourth songs I played which were pre-recorded.

BTW, my job at babenet isn't just stroking for guys. Some women are on too. Or who knows what they are. Many a guy has stared at my ass when I'm poking a girl from up and over, so I have no hang ups. Actually, on that site, I'm a closet heterosexual.

"Psycho With A Grudge" was very entertaining.. That was God sending that Dog to bark while he was trying to sing that song (Dog is God spelled backwards). I don't need prozac.. I'm already mellow enough as it is. "Ballad Of Jeremy Steele" was nice too. I'm touched. Hopefully, I'll be able to make it on next week.

Rodger Jacobs vs Seymore Butts

Rodger Jacobs writes for Adult Video News: A couple of months ago I wrote an editorial for this site suggesting that the young'uns in this trade who believe that their extreme product is a proper exercise of their constitutional rights of free expression are, well, deluded. I also suggested in rather polite terms that their grasp on law and morality is as loose as the sphincters of their anal queen starlets.

Now we have Adam Glasser's hilarious comments to Mark Kernes to underscore my point. Glasser's defense is so goddamn funny it could be stand-up routine if it weren't also so pathetic. He asserts that a jury of his peers would understand that his movies are "consensual (and) non-degrading ... the women are always in control. The pleasure of the woman, the orgasm of the woman, no matter what kind of sex she's having, is the main thing. So to me, when you're talking about defendable, mine has to be considered the most defendable." Sure, Adam. You're just a regular Candida Royalle, aren't ya, pal? You're the David Lean of porn. A jury would be moved to tears by the many moments of tender, loving passion depicted in your tasteful and artistically rendered anal epics.

"Fisting is obviously the key here," Glasser admits. You betch-um, Red Ryder, so why did you distribute the movie with that scene in it? Come on, now, don't tell me everybody else is doing it because that's no defense at all. You're the one who got caught with your hand in the cookie jar -- no pun intended -- and now you will have to pay the price. Sorry, dude, but you knew that your artistic vision could lead to trouble.

Seymore Butts replies: rodger, i have some questions for you...

what exactly are the limits?
where exactly do i draw the line?
what are the exact standards for obscenity within the city of los angeles?

you seem to have such a good handle on this, i thought you might set me and the rest of the young'uns straight.

listen,rog,here's the deal,babe. being a writer who has profited in a variety of ways in this industry does not make you an authority on obscenity,just another asshole with an opinion! thats just the way it is! until your able to answer my questions,i suggest you pickup a copy of the movie in question,grab some lube,sit back,shut the f--- up and do what you do best! go get'em tiger!

respectfully,
seymore butts